Volume 1: Issue 3SPECIAL EDITION 1998

Door

From

Hell

Th

e

OUR STAFF

PUBLISHER..................................ED BURTON

PRESIDENT...................................ED BURTON

VICE PRESIDENT..........................ED BURTON

PHOTOGRAPHY.............................ED BURTON

REPORTER....................................ED BURTON

WRITER........................................ED BURTON

GRAPHICS....................................ED BURTON

SECURITY.....................................ED BURTON

ANIMAL TRAINER........................ED BURTON

SPECIAL EFFECTS.........................ED BURTON

PROMOTIONS...............................ED BURTON

KING............................................ED BURTON

KEY GRIP.....................................ED BURTON

ASSISTANT TO MR. BURTON..........ED BURTON

SCOUT..........................................ED BURTON

MOST LIKELY TO GET SUED...........ED BURTON

CAPTAIN OF THE USS

ENTERPRISE...........................JAMES T. KIRK

LEADER OF THE

AUTOBOTS............................OPTIMUS PRIME

MOST LIKELY TO

MESS THINGS UP........................BOB DENVER

all photos are copywrited either by meor someone else. 1998 by me, ealier byothers.

TABLE OFCONTENTS

1........................................................OPENING CREDITS

2...........................................TABLE OF CONTENTS

3.................................SMOKE ‘EM IF YA GOT ‘EM

4..........................................CLINTON VIDEO STILL

5/6...............................................................STARR WARS

7...................................................................TIE FIGHTERS

8..................................................MAN ON THE STREET

9..................................................................TINY BUBBLES

10.....................................................LAST PAGE PHOTO.

Boy, that Monica..whoohoo..FINE!

Darryl MacKillop, operator of Jon Alan's Cigar Emporium, displays cigars bearingthe likeness of Monica Lewinsky, in Halifax, Canada, Friday, Sept. 25, 1998.MacKillop claims sales are brisk. (AP Photo/CP, Andrew Vaughan)

In this screen shot taken from his video taped

testimony, President Clinton describes how he

“touched her bare breasts with his hands and

mouth.”

Associated Press

PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOWS OFF HIS NEW TIE.

IMPEACH CLINTON?With Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's report now in the American people'shands, talk has turned to the prospect of impeaching the president.What do you think?

"Of course he should be removed from office. For Christ's sake,he had that thing in her mouth." Patrick Davis, Travel Agent

"Help me out here. What exactly did he do again? Because I'mreally going to need a lot of extremely precise details if I'm tomake an informed decision." Wayne Bonds, Systems Analyst

"Clinton couldn't have done anything worse if he had tradedweapons to a hostile foreign power, secretly diverted taxpayerfunds to Central American rebels or knowingly allowed a U.S.naval base to be attacked by Japan." Nathan Capilla, Optometrist

"The president is faced with a great crisis, and he should do theright thing--marry Monica." Emily Tidrow, Librarian

"Why are we wasting time and money on this ridiculous issuewhen flag-burning is still legal in this country?" Samantha Kravec, Flight Attendant

"The adultery doesn't bother me. It's Clinton's love of frogfigurines that weirds me out." Jason Durham, Custodian

- courtesy of THE ONION

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