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Introduction "In our family, the moment of turning off screens has been the

most frequent flashpoint for fights and meltdowns. But for that very reason, screen time has also proven to be fertile ground

for building core skills around managing frustration and negotiating compromise."

Alexandra Samuel, digital explorer, researcher and writer

Congratulations! You've made the decision to take charge of screen time for your family!

Perhaps you're tired of being mad at your child - and feeling guilty later.

Or maybe homework hassles or chore wars were the final straw.

Whatever the reason, in choosing a screen time solution, or simply introducing a screen time routine, you are moving forward!

But before you kick off your new solution or routine, press PAUSE.

You've had time to digest this decision...but your kids have not.

By using this Guide to thoughtfully prepare your kids for a new screen time routine, you'll make greater progress in less time!

We'll walk you through 4 essential steps in your preparation.

1) What specific issues and behaviours do you want to fix?

2) How will you put your screen time routine into practice?

3) What are the most effective ways to motivate your kids?

4) How will you review shared progress (and manage setbacks)?

We designed this friendly Guide to help parents successfully integrate a stress-free screen time routine into the hustle and bustle of daily life.

You may use all of the concepts in this Guide or just use bits and pieces.

We don't claim to have all the answers - but we faced many of these challenges with our three boys (hopefully, you can avoid our mistakes).

Ultimately, we think you deserve a screen time routine that takes away the frustrating struggles and gives you peace of mind.

Be kind to yourself (and enjoy your family),

Andy and Cynthia Crossley Co-Founders of Habyts

HERE’S A TOP TIP THAT WORKED FOR US!

Think of this process as a shared journey of exploration – with each step of the journey as merely an EXPERIMENT.

Try to take the emotion out of the situation. De-personalise moment-to-moment outcomes – and help your child embrace the process with you.

With this approach, not only will you help your child build better screen time habits, but they’ll also learn how to develop good habits for life!

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Contents Introduction ......................................................................................................... 1

1. Prepare your specific goal ....................................................................... 3

1.1 Monitor screen time ........................................................................ 3

1.2 Brainstorm other activities ............................................................ 4

1.3 Define a basic screen time routine ............................................. 4

2. Prepare for ‘the talk’ .................................................................................. 5

2.1 The right time .................................................................................... 5

2.2 The right place .................................................................................. 6

2.3 Age matters ........................................................................................ 6

2.4 Hey! What’s in it for me? ................................................................. 7

2.5 The power of questions .................................................................. 8

3. Prepare your environment ....................................................................... 9

3.1 Preparing the home environment ............................................... 9

3.2 Setting up you screen time solution ......................................... 10

4. Prepare to motivate .................................................................................. 11

4.1 Rewards and privileges ................................................................. 11

4.2 Screen time as a privilege ............................................................ 12

4.3 How screen time tech solutions help ....................................... 12

5. Prepare for progress (and setbacks) along the way ........................ 13

5.1 Don’t take it personally ................................................................ 13

5.2 Reviewing progress ........................................................................ 14

5.3 Celebrating wins ............................................................................. 14

5.4 Embracing setbacks ....................................................................... 14

5.5 Failing forward ................................................................................ 15

6. Conclusion .................................................................................................. 15

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1. Prepare your specific goal “If you don't know where you're going,

you'll wind up somewhere else.”

Yogi Berra

So, let’s start our preparation with a clear view of where YOU want to go.

What screen time issues and behaviours do you want to change?

What digital concerns would you like to address?

For example, you may want to:

• show your kids how much time they actually spend on screens

• ensure your kids get off screens without nagging or reminders

• eliminate online distractions during study and homework

• encourage your kids to do more non-screen activities

• enjoy more screen-free family time together

Whatever your challenges, write them down (you can use our simple Screen Time Goal-Setting Worksheet attached at the end of this Guide). These will help form your potential screen time goals going forward.

Now choose only ONE potential goal to focus on.

Don’t boil the ocean. And don’t necessarily tackle your toughest goal first. Choose the one goal with the greatest likelihood for shared progress.

Your one potential goal will help shape the screen time conversation with your kids, while giving you a way to measure your shared progress later.

TOP TIP: For example, you may choose to scale back your child’s screen time slowly. If screen time is currently 6 hours a day, scale it down to 5, then 4 etc., until you are at a point that you – and they - feel comfortable.

1.1 Monitor screen time

Start simple.

If you don’t know already, it’s a good idea to gauge how much time your kids are spending on their screens. This is for all types of digital screens - smartphones, tablets, consoles, laptops, computers, televisions, etc.

For the next few days, keep a record of when your kids view their screens, for how long each time, and what they’re doing while they’re using them. (Use our Screen Time Monitor table at the end of this Guide to help you).

TOP TIP: Keep a note of your screen time too. Not only are you showing your child that you’re in this together, but you might be surprised to see just how much time you’re spending on screens! (We have to admit – we were surprised when we did this exercise).

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1.2 Brainstorm other activities

It’s all very well limiting how much time your kids spend on their screens and when, but what will they do once they’re off them? While some kids will find ways to amuse themselves, most need a little inspiration.

More than likely, they'll turn to you for a solution.

We all dread the words "I'm bored". And during school holidays and weekends, the pressure to find alternate activities only intensifies.

Brainstorming some enticing alternatives will make screen transitions easier – and help ensure you’re ready for the 'screen time talk'.

TOP TIP: Work with your kids to brainstorm some fun activities. If you’re stuck for ideas, check out our blog post: 101 UNPLUGGED ACTIVITIES…

TOP TIP: According to Harvard psychologist Alexandra Samuel, if screen time is allowed at specific times, make sure that whatever follows screen time is something your child enjoys. It could be reading, playing a game, or a snack; it probably shouldn’t be homework.

1.3 Define a basic screen time routine

Now that you’ve identified your goal and know how long your kids spend on their screens, it's time to think about a screen time routine.

Like kids, screen time routines come in many shapes and sizes! And ultimately, you’ll want to tailor yours to suit your family.

Here are eight general routines many families use as a starting point.

1. Daily Time Allowance (e.g. ‘only available for one hour a day’)

2. Homework First (e.g. ‘only after finishing homework or study’)

3. Tasks First (e.g. ‘only after completing agreed chores/duties)

4. Weekends Only (e.g. ‘only available Friday to Saturday’)

5. Screen Time Tokens (‘earned by doing certain tasks or goals’)

6. Balanced Play (e.g. ‘only available after non-digital play’)

7. Educational Media (e.g. ‘access to educational media only’)

8. Monitor Only (e.g. ‘only focus on tracking screen time’)

Educational tech specialist Dr Randy Kulman provides some excellent additional insight in his book PLAYING SMARTER IN A DIGITAL WORLD.

The next step is to think through specific rules to support your goal:

• How long do you want your kids on screens?

• Are there certain times or places screens aren’t allowed?

• Should certain tasks be done before screen time?

Write down your rules in the Scribbles Worksheet at the end of this Guide.

TOP TIP: Successfully tackling screen time involves the whole family, not just your kids. Lead by example and build greater trust with your kids!

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2. Prepare for ‘the talk’ “I've learned that people will forget what you said,

people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.

- Maya Angelou

The Talk can be a daunting prospect - but you’ve done your homework!

You know the challenges you wish to address, how much time your kids spend on screens, and have some ground rules to share with them.

2.1 The right time

The time you choose to talk about screen time rules can make the difference between acceptance and a full-blown temper tantrum.

Approach ‘the talk’ when everyone is relaxed and free of time pressures.

If your kids are similar ages (less than three years apart) and are likely to have similar screen roles and routines, then you can discuss screen time as a family. But if there is a considerable age gap (more than three years apart), your kids are at different stages in school, or their routines are very dissimilar, you might do better to discuss it with them individually.

TOP TIP: Good times to have the ‘screen time talk’ include weekly family meetings, lazy Sunday afternoons and driving in a car with no eye contact. A bad time? Right after an argument about screen time. (Although it’s tempting when we want our say, we learned this lesson the hard way!)

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2.2 The right place

Where you discuss screen time is also important. While home might seem obvious, it’s not the only place to have ‘the talk’ with your kids.

On the one hand, there are many benefits to having ‘the talk’ at home. It’s a convenient, comfortable and familiar environment for your kids. But home is not the only place to consider!

It can be all too easy for kids to seek the safety of their bedrooms. And with distractions at their fingertips, you start off fighting for attention.

Alternatively, having the discussion away from home can bring a fresh perspective – particularly as everyone has taken time out to be together.

TOP TIP: If you’re going to have ‘the talk’ away from home, be upfront. No one wants to go to the park to find you’ve called a family meeting!

2.3 Age matters

As kids grow into adolescence, their digital media habits change….

…and the more digital media they consume.

Teens comfortably consume over six hours’ screen time per day, while younger tweens regularly clock up four hours or more.

Thankfully there are some broad screen time guidelines out there to help get you started. You can see recommendations from the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) in the illustration opposite.

The AAP used to provide more stringent guidelines recommending no more than two hours’ screen time per day. But in recent months they have recognised the challenges parents face in enforcing them.

Recent research revealed many kids consume far more than two hours’ screen time per day, so the AAP updated their guidelines to reflect this.

Key takeaways:

• Set limits – so tech won’t hinder involvement in other activities.

• Content matters – prioritise how your child spends screen time.

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• Role model – limit your media use and model online etiquette.

• Tech-free zones – to encourage family time and healthy habits.

Nonetheless, when considering screen time routine, other factors like temperament, motivation, and family attitudes come into play.

So while the AAP guidelines are a good starting point, the optimum screen time routine for your family depends on…your family!

2.4 Hey! What’s in it for me?

For all kids –particularly tweens and teens - lay out immediate benefits screen time routine can bring. (Long-term benefits – such as academic success – are also useful but usually less compelling).

Immediate benefits for kids may include:

• getting mum and dad off their back

• the potential to earn more screen time and other privileges

• the independence to manage their screen time – within limits

• the chance to show parents how responsible they can be

• a way to stop distractions that they can’t control themselves

And by cutting back on your screen time, you demonstrate it’s not just them making the ‘sacrifice’

“Almost 70% of children think their parents spend too much time on their mobile phone, iPad or

other similar devices. A study, conducted by Opinion Matters, found over a third of children worry

their parents are incapable of switching off their devices.”

The Huffington Post, September 2014

And remember, how you say it is just as important as what you say!

Top TIP: You can see a real-world example of how to convince older kids to give a screen time routine a go in the illustration on page 8

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2.5 The power of questions

What’s the secret to a positive screen time talk?

Understanding that your child just wants to feel – and be - heard.

Not only does this show empathy, but it could shed light on the right approach for your child. (Just be sure to listen to what they say).

They may come up with a tweak to your screen time routine that you never thought of (and if it is their idea, they are more likely to do it).

And if you’ve invested in a screen time solution, highlight how it can make THEIR lives easier. Hint: Focus on more autonomy and less nagging.

See the illustration opposite for questions you could ask them.

TOP TIP: You don’t need all the answers – and ‘the talk’ shouldn’t be a one-off. Take a look at the TECH TALK TUESDAY blog for ideas!

Whether it's letting them manage their screen time independently, removing homework distractions, setting out their daily tasks, or getting their parents off their back, help your kids ‘share the win’.

Finally, be sure everyone leaves ‘the talk’ knowing:

• How to get started with your screen time routine (and solution).

• How you will review shared progress (and setbacks) together.

TOP TIP: You know that satisfied feeling of recognition you get when your boss writes down your idea on the meeting room whiteboard? Well, kids feel the same in a family meeting. Pull out a sheet of paper, let them ‘take the pen’ and brainstorm ideas to adjust your screen time routine.

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3. Prepare your environment “You hit home runs not by

chance but by preparation.

- Roger Maris

So, you’ve just had an enlightening ‘screen time talk’ with your kids…and tweaked your screen time routine with their feedback. Now how do you go about putting everything you’ve learned into practice?

3.1 Preparing the home environment

First, make the family home more conducive to reducing screen time. The goal here is to promote an environment favouring face-to-face interactions and shared activity instead of solo screen time.

Educator and parenting advisor Noel Janis-Norton provides some excellent guidance in her book CALMER, EASIER, HAPPIER SCREEN TIME. In it, she identifies six top tips to a more harmonious home that effectively balances technology and family life. We’ve explored these in great depth in our blog post: SIX HOME HACKS TO LESS SCREEN TIME.

Start by putting these practices in place:

1) A Drop Zone in rooms you’d like to keep tech free. 2) A Charging Station where all devices can charge overnight. 3) No computers, laptops or televisions in your kids’ bedrooms. 4) A place to hide remotes and shared devices when not in use. 5) Screen time limits for parents, carers as well as kids. 6) Remove screens you don’t use and only replace existing ones.

By taking these six simple steps, you are making screen time a less obvious choice. When combined with your screen time solution, you are giving you and your family the best possible chance of success.

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3.2 Setting up you screen time solution

This section is designed to help those who are have purchased – or are considering purchasing - a screen time tech solution.

OUR HONEST BIAS: If you don’t have a tech solution yet, give Habyts a try! (Habyts does everything on the solution checklist opposite - and more!)

1) Get everything you need: The setup process will vary, but you want your kids’ devices (and your kids) on hand while doing this.

2) Do it together: You can help ease any concerns your kids may have about handing over their devices by setting up your screen time solution together. (For example, when creating the initial schedule). That way they’ll feel part of the process.

3) Set up on all devices: If it’s feasible, set up your screen time solution on all your kids’ devices at the same time. This helps ensure no child feels disadvantaged compared to their siblings.

4) Or Choose One Device Type: Alternatively, if you can’t install on all devices at once, ensure the devices you do install on are the same for each child - for example, on all your kids’ tablets - and gradually install on more devices as time permits.

5) Allow time: The more devices you have, the longer this will take.

6) Reward Yourselves: Have a fun family activity planned for after.

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4. Prepare to motivate “Attitude is a little thing that

makes a BIG difference.”

- Winston Churchill

Unless screen time limits are an established norm in your household, chances are your kids believe they are entitled to screen time.

And that’s why kids can feel lots of resentment towards their parents when imposing a screen time routine (and tech solution) for the first time.

Be prepared for one of four typical reactions from your kids:

• Anger and outbursts are every parent’s worst nightmare, but they come about because your child feels deprived. Empathetically acknowledge their reaction, but persevere.

• Couldn’t care less. An unexpected response perhaps, but are they testing you? Maybe they don’t believe you’ll go through

with it? Just continue with a watchful eye (and be ready to listen).

• Picking holes. Your bright child might pick holes in your screen time plan. Arrange a later date to reconvene, listen to what they have to say, and tighten your plan accordingly.

• Relief. It’s possible. Some kids realise they spend too much time on screens. But they don’t have the self-control to limit it. Most kids secretly want boundaries that make them feel safe.

TOP TIP: Acknowledge your child’s frustrations with ‘emotion coaching’. A simple statement like “I can see it makes you sad that game time is over” lets your child see you care and helps them recognise their emotions. And recognising your emotions is the first step to managing them.

4.1 Rewards and privileges

These are an excellent way to help kids adapt to a screen time routine.

We are all motivated by rewards and privileges in some way.

Whether it’s an approving word, snack & chat, choosing where to sit in the car, or enjoying an extended curfew, kids are naturally driven by them.

But, all too often, privileges are viewed as entitlements.

This is why the idea of earning rewards and privileges is so powerful.

With earning, there is no entitlement. Instead, privileges such as screen time are the reward for following family rules.

Earning means agreeing a plan – not spur of the moment bribes.

Ultimately, the purpose of the reward is to encourage your child to do something good for them (though it’s ok if you benefit too).

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TOP TIP: Recognise your child’s progress and wins with descriptive praise. For example, when your child makes even the slightest move away from the computer, TV, game console, etc., you can say “I see that you’re coming to dinner right away. You’re coming the first time I asked”. And when your child transitions smoothly from game time - particularly if it’s been a struggle previously - you can say "You stopped arguing even though you’re not happy that I asked you to get off. That shows maturity”.

Frankly, we believe the most effective screen time solutions combine - and automate – Screen Time, Tasks, & Rewards.

4.2 Screen time as a privilege

One way to help defuse tensions is to reframe screen time.

No longer is screen time an entitlement. It’s a privilege earned for good behaviour.

Thus, screen time becomes a motivational tool to build healthy habits.

Just sit back and watch as your kids learn to use their creativity, organisational and reasoning skills to earn screen time, teaching them valuable life lessons like self-regulation and delayed gratification.

TOP TIP: Screen Time is a strong motivator and kids will do almost anything for it. You can use it as a privilege to help address other behavioural issues, not just screen time habits.

4.3 How screen time tech solutions help

A basic screen time tech solution primarily restricts your kid’s daily screen time. It states the days and times when screen time is allowed, and for how long. More often than not, it enforces these

limits on one device only. Such basic solutions are a bit of a blunt instrument.

But the more effective solutions do more than enforce screen time (see page 11 for a checklist of what to look for when choosing a solution).

The best solutions monitor screen time across multiple devices - meaning one hour really is one hour – regardless of how many devices your child owns. And all this can be monitored from a single app.

They also differentiate between play and study time, meaning your kids won't be penalised when using their screens for homework. Nor will the situation arise when your child has no screen time left to do homework!

Safe browsing should be in effect all the time, but the best solutions also block distracting websites and apps during study time.

What’s more, they enable you to set your child’s tasks and remind them when they are due. And they allow you to block play time until a task is done, or require parent approval before earning points.

Points or credit can be earned for doing tasks – or other good deeds – which can be used to unlock rewards. This could be bonus screen time (where kids can earn extra screen time each day for good behaviour), or it might be a non-digital reward agreed between parent and child.

Finally, the best solutions work on all leading devices - Android, iOS and Windows – so they’re on all the gadgets your kids use!

P.S. Feel free to learn more about our Habyts solution for screen time!

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5. Prepare for progress (and setbacks) along the way

“Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.”

- John C Maxwell

When it comes to a screen time routine, there are no hard and fast rules.

Sure, there are guidelines and good practices, but what works for one family doesn’t necessarily guarantee success for another.

So, give yourself the freedom to experiment – and learn – as you build screen time rules and routine together as a family.

This brings us to the final secret to screen time success…

…pro-actively using both brief setbacks and small wins to move forward!

We already covered the initial steps to screen time success, namely:

1) Preparing your specific goals

2) Preparing for ‘the talk’

3) Preparing your environment

4) Preparing to motivate your kids

But there is a fifth – and frequently overlooked – step to this process. Namely, preparing to accept temporary setbacks and celebrate shared wins together.

Positively managing screen time doesn’t just happen overnight. There are emotions and behaviours to address alongside the screen time routine.

5.1 Don’t take it personally

Kids love to test us.

And this is especially true when setting boundaries around screen time.

And because they’ve grown accustomed to screen time, the prospect of losing this freedom naturally puts some kids on the defensive.

When screen time is positioned properly, kids aren’t really losing out.

In fact, they’re set to gain a great deal.

Parents know their kids will benefit from limiting their screen time.

But kids just aren’t mature enough to be guided by adult motivations.

They just don’t see it our way.

So, it’s your responses, how effectively you re-frame screen time, and fine-tune your screen time routine that can make all the difference.

Learn to manage your emotions and don’t take it personally.

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For better or worse, kids will follow your lead. So, we have to avoid the emotional response at all costs – even when we are about to lose it.

“Stop, Drop (whatever your agenda is at that moment) and Breathe…You can still set limits with your child. Once you calm down, you'll be able to connect before you correct, so you can calm the storm instead of making things worse. (No, you don't

look weak. You look like someone who can manage anger. You're the role model, remember?)”

- Dr. Laura Markham, Aha! Parenting

5.2 Reviewing progress

In many cases, progress will be clear for all to see.

Your child will become less dependent on their daily screen time fix…

…and more interested in doing other non-screen activities.

Remember that one goal you identified early on?

This goal is your yardstick to measure progress.

Perhaps you wanted your kids to come off devices without nagging. How are they doing now? How often do you have to remind them?

Or maybe you wanted them to do more off-screen activities. Are they?

Review progress against your goal on a weekly basis for three weeks. After which, you can review progress at intervals of your choosing.

5.3 Celebrating wins

Notice the effort your child is making and celebrate the smallest wins!

The celebration – and recognition – doesn’t have to be anything grand.

Baking a cake together, playing a board game, choosing a film for the family or going swimming are all great ways to reward their progress.

And where possible, use descriptive praise to help strengthen your relationship with your child and help them develop better screen habits.

Don’t take progress for granted. For example, when they come off their devices when screen time is up - recognise the achievement.

Say something like: “I see you’ve come to the end of your screen time. You’ve put down your device without arguing. That’s very responsible”.

After each win, you and your child will be able to take on the next specific goal with greater confidence and mutual trust.

5.4 Embracing setbacks

Sure, there will be stumbling blocks on the journey – but that’s OK.

It’s all part of the experiment ethos (and natural learning process).

Over time, screen time limits become routine and resistance will fade.

But if your kids kick up a fuss, keep your cool and listen. Chances are you can refine your screen time routine to help ease tensions in future.

And once tempers have cooled, these refinements are the perfect opportunity to sit down with your kids to discuss improvements.

Just be sure to agree changes together BEFORE putting them into practice.

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5.5 Failing forward

It took your kids time to learn to walk. Ride a bike. Read a book.

You watched them fall, falter, and fail. Then helped them on their feet. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Take the same approach with screen time.

You have a fantastic opportunity to learn with your child and teach them to focus on progress…not perfection.

So maybe 20 minutes of screen time in the morning before school didn’t work. Maybe 10 minutes will? Or how about no screens before school?

Or maybe 20 minutes of screen time to wind down before homework didn’t cut it. Maybe 20 minutes kicking a ball outside or playing cards with you makes more sense for both of you to wind down and reconnect?

Failing is just part of the learning journey. So fail forward by using mistakes as stepping stones to good habits.

6. Conclusion Now you know how to prepare you kids for a new screen time routine. Go forth and EXPERIMENT!

Remember, there really are no right and wrongs, only step-by-step progress towards achieving your screen time goals together as a family.

In other words…

“MOTIVATION is what gets you started. HABIT is what keeps you going.”

Jim Ryun

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Appendix

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