Quote:Part of me does not feel comfortable in my own skin. So I retreat to my world of ideas, imagination, and sometimes drown out the pain and loneliness with music expressing my pain. I just want to be myself, and I don't want to care what other people think, but it still bothers me, when it shouldn't. Do you guys experience this loneliness and confusion? How do you deal with it?

I basically tried to get myself back in balance. I put Thinking in "perspective" and realized there were other parts of life I needed to explore and embrace to be happy -- including "values," and "emotions," and "relationships," and spontaneity, and exploration, and openness, and other frames of experience.

Also... I think you are probably isolating yourself more than others are isolating you. You are creating your own cage and then hiding in it. If you could be a little more patient with others and a little more flexy in how you express your perspective (i.e., don't immediately rip someone apart when they seem illogical to you), you might find that they value your insight. Especially as people get older, they mellow out more typically and become more open to other types of thinking (hopefully); high school drama shouldn't persist long into adulthood. Basically, you need to try hard to just "assume you belong" even when you're not feeling it, and engage others along that kind of thinking. Just put yourself out there. Don't be a jerk about it, just share, "Hey, here's what I'm seeing, and what I value, and what excites me." And then listen to them without commenting a ton, so you can get information to better understand them even if you disagree.

It helps.

I do still feel like I have a void in me, but I think that's more the "SX" thing than the INTP thing per se. Plus, I've found other INTPs to talk to, to make the journey a little less lonely...

Regarding practical advice, abiding by other people's social codes while concealing my real personality helps me to smoothly blend in with practically every social context I encounter, so maybe you could do that, too; you can still think and be yourself inside your head even while around people with all sorts of conversations and physical stimuli taking place. I've read in many places that INTPs can be very effective at this "chameleon" technique. But if we INTPs insist on doing things our way 100% of the time, then there will inevitably be times when people tend to distance themselves from us or deem us as different or antisocial. You have to decide for yourself whether you want to persistently adhere to ostensibly logical principles and ideals that consistently alienate you from others or you want to not be a social outcast; if you don't want to be a social outcast, then you'll have to act the way people (Sensors) want you to sometimes, despite the supposed illogicality and loss of autonomy involved in this. It took me some time to understand this for myself and to stop being so stubborn.

And obviously you aren't the only INTP in existence. For me, just the simple knowledge that there other INTPs out there, that I'm not some type of dysfunctional twit, and that other people have undergone similar experiences has boosted my self-esteem.

But I do think the main culprit in your problem involves attitude. We could have the social lives of the SPs and SJs if we wanted to, but instead we can use our time spent in isolation to build our intellects and discern truths about reality--endeavors that most SPs and SJs are simply not interested in, but which are nonetheless important to the human race. BigApplePi's time 25th-May-2013, 10:07 PM #18

BigApplePi BannedJoin Date: Jan 2010Location: New York City (The Big Apple) & StatePosts: 8,988

Re: Have you experienced INTP loneliness & isolation?

When I first saw this thread I thought it might hold the key to why, like ants, human beings are successful social animals. I never got around to looking into it but still think it true.

Looks like loneliness could be the hazard of the INTP temperament.

Ti - this occurs so inwardly and complexly, how can it be shared?Ne - while promising salvation, it is so broad and diffuse, who is going to engage you?Si - self-centered and experienced in isolation, it shows a different promise of sharing than Ti.Fe - the top two traits are so dominant that social skills tend to be neglected.

Quote:I feel alone sometimes because I am socially awkward, Introverted, but I really want to be a friend to and be befriended by people, but either they are just unpleasant or I am awkward. But I can just smile and laugh and join in and be optimistic, and it works out.

Sociability and how to get there might be a "truth to be sought." It comes with observation, practice and experience over time. The idea is to make contact and you will lose your loneliness. For me it goes on and off. I'm not worried as I was years ago because I know this goes in cycles and I've learned more about what making contact means.Originally Posted by Velocitii To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

So pretty much, doomed if I do, doomed if I don't?

Nope, just from your perspective. The great thing about being an INT, is that if things aren't working, on a consistent basis, and it is for others, then it means that something in your thinking is incorrect, which needs fixing, and when you do fix it, then everything works. Time to "fix what is broken". I like to think of Fe as the emotion generated by external stimulation and Fi as an internal system of values based on those feelings. The idea that feelers seek out and connect with other feelers is a matter of self validation, recognizing similarities in others and not feeling alone. Fe isn't the function that makes you want to connect it's the function that drives you to seek pleasant emotions, connection with similar people fullfills this need and drives away negative feelings of being alone. If Fe doms were hard wired to connect they would connect with everyone not just like minded feelers.

Another thing I have come to realize is that feelers do not expect real emotions from other feelers, which means there is no real connection, they only want other people who are receptive to their desire to act mainly on emotion. They want acceptance, again to avoid the feeling of being alone. The main ingredient in the feeler sandwhich is a willingness to express emotion, even fake emotion. If Fe was mainly about emotional connections then false emotions would not be acceptable.