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I have to do it perfectly!Inside the Mind of a Gifted PerfectionistCarrie McMillen1I have offended God and mankind because my work didnt reach the quality it should have.-Leonardo Di Vinci a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness

-http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/perfectionismPERFECTIONISM - Are YOU a perfectionist?I want everyone to like me. If I dont do that,everyone will be disappointed. I started it, so I have to finish it. Self-oriented perfectionists set high personal goals for themselves.

Society-prescribed perfectionists believe that others have set high standards for them that they must live up to.

Other-oriented perfectionists impose high standards on others in his/her life that the person is expected to live up to. Types of PerfectionistsPerfectionism vs. Pursuit of Excellence Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. -Harriet BraikerPerfectionismPursuit of ExcellenceThinking less of yourself for getting a B instead of an AThinking more of yourself for trying something newBeing hard on yourself because you arent talented in every sportChoosing things youre good at and also doing things just for funCriticizing yourself for losing the student council electionCongratulating yourself for being nominated and working hard to campaign, and deciding to run again next year! Healthy PerfectionistsUnhealthy PerfectionistsNeed order and organization Extremely high standards

Self acceptance of mistakesHave anxiety about making mistakesPositive coping strategies Lack coping strategies

View effort as importantNeed constant approval

High parental expectationsPerceived excessive expectations/criticism from othersQuestion ones own judgment Procrastinate or avoid doing their work Feel that self-worth depends on performance

Whats so bad about being PERFECT? Experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of hopelessness.Have stress induced health problems

Have problems with relationships Are afraid of making mistakes and taking risks Cannot be satisfiedPerfectionists often More serious problems.Students who commit suicide tend to have: above-average intelligence extremely high expectations for themselves and others a hard time accepting failure and lossWhat group is most likely to have those characteristics?Gifted perfectionist teens! Causes of PerfectionismThere are several ideasParents often push their children, especially first born children, to do things early to stimulate intelligence. Erik Erikson said that students will become workaholics if they are only praised for their accomplishments and not their personal qualities. Pushing students to excel and focusing on their performance creates students who are afraid to take risks because they fear not getting approval.

Early successes fuel the students desire to be perfect.Gifted students believe they should never be less than perfect and set high, often unreachable goals. May be related to authoritarian parenting, unquestioning obedience, and punitive discipline. Students become dependent on external praise.

Some thoughts from Perfectionist studentsThe other kids in my class put me down for being smart. They call me Einstein and act shocked if I dont get the highest score on a test. -Jason, age 14 Living up to be gifted can be a problem at school. I wish teachers would realize that just because youre gifted doesnt mean youre smart in every subject. Charles, age 14 My geometry teacher knows I get straight As in my other classes. Hes always saying things like, I know you can do better in this class. I dont think youre trying hard enough. -Kimberly, age 15DONT say Whats wrong with you? Why did you make this one B? Arent you gifted? We want you to get All As.Always finish what you start!DO SAYDo the best you can!You win some, you lose some.Better luck next time! Live for today and dont worry about tomorrow!Great effort!

Parents and TeachersLearn relaxation strategies Practice making mistakes and dealing with those feelings

Ways to Overcome PerfectionismFocus on and celebrate successesPlan reasonable goals

Make reasonable commitmentsBe surrounded by positive peopleLearn from mistakes!Parents and teachers can help students.

What do these people have in common?Louisa May AlcottWalt DisneySteve JobsMichael JordanJohn F. Kennedy, Jr.Marilyn MonroeTHEY ALL MADE MISTAKES! BUTthey learned from their mistakes, took risks, and never gave up!

Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement. Henry Ford Accident is the greatest inventor who ever lived. Mark TwainCheeseChocolate Chip CookiesCoca-ColaPenicillinPost-it NotesSilly PuttyIts ok to make mistakes!It was when I stopped trying to do everything right that I started doing things well.-Janet, 15Suddenly I had time and energy left over for other things that were important to me.-Max, 13Its great not to have to be the perfect student, perfect daughter, perfect sister, and perfect friend. I can just be myself and people like me anyway. -Talia, 16

REFERENCESAdderholdt, M., & Goldberg, J. (1999). Perfectionism: what's bad about being too good?. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing. Clark, B. (2013). Supporting socio-emotional growth of gifted learners. Growing up gifted. (8th ed.). (pp. 99-102). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson. Galbraith, J., & Delisle, J. (1996). The gifted kids' survival guide. (pp. 70-79). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing.Perfectionism. (2012). Merriam-Webster. Retrieved from http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/perfectionism