Inside Out

S p r i n g 2 0 1 2

INSIDE OUT

Jeff Arts Literary MagazineSpring 2012

Editors-in-ChiefNona Lu

Andi Frankenburger

Editors Sucharitha Balasubramaniam

Kathryn BlackEmily Fay

Jeff rey FinebergDaniel Gealy

Tessa LawrenceHuong LeXuemei Ye

Faculty Moderator

Dr. Michael J. Vergare

The Jeff erson Arts organization was founded primarily to off er Jeff erson stu-dents the opportunity to express themselves through art. The Jeff erson Arts organization focuses on such media as art & photography, writing, and music, and supports diverse activities including live readings, art exhibits and musi-cal performances. In addition, the organization publishes Inside Out, an annual art and literary journal which showcases photography, paintings and sketch-es, short stories, poems and essays contributed by Jeff erson students. All of these activities are designed to bring more diversity to the Jeff erson commu-nity; to allow students, faculty and staff the chance to stop and refl ect on their daily lives; and to provide a creative outlet from the rigors of school and work.

View more student artistic submissions in the online version of Inside Out at www.jeff erson.edu/insideout/

Foreword

The Jeff erson Arts Organization has once again produced a re-freshing publication that comes just in time to lift our spirits as att ention turns to exams, graduation and the promise of a summer to explore new horizons.

This year’s process included a much more developed, blinded review of all submissions. My thanks go out to the student volun-teers and our Student Services staff who have helped us advance from an informal compilation of work to a polished presentation of the creative eff orts of our students.

Michael J. Vergare, MDSenior Vice President for Academic Aff airs

Thomas Jeff erson UniversitySpring, 2012

Submissions may be emailed to Dorissa.Bolinski@jeff erson.edu. Photographic submissions should be saved in a .jpeg fi le using the highest resolution possible. Artwork should be photo-graphed from a direct angle, without glare or visible background, and saved in the same manner as photographs. All submissions will be reviewed anonymously; not all submissions will be print-ed. Please note that entries will be judged as submitt ed; Inside Out will not crop, sharpen or otherwise adjust an improperly-saved graphic submission. Manuscripts (prose, poetry, translations, short plays, etc.) should be submitt ed in a Word-compatible document, and saved under the name of the piece (or “untitled,” if applicable).

All submissions MUST be accompanied by a separate cover lett er document containing the following: - Author or artist’s name - Email address and local phone number - College, department or undergraduate program and year in school - Genre and title of each submission Inside Out does not publish anonymous submissions, resubmis-sions or previously published works. Further submission inqui-ries may be addressed to Jeff ersonArts@jeff erson.edu.

Submission Information

Contents

Jonathan Elias

Yuliya Baratt

Huong Le

Miranda Law

Nathan Fried

Miranda Law

Neil Flannery Haidorfer

Evan Slagle

Yuliya Baratt

Nishi Dedania

Michael Minckler

Alissa Herman

Nate Jordan

Andi Frankenburger

Michael Minckler

Sharon Li

Sucharitha Balasubramaniam

Desmond Wilson

Christine Chen

Yuliya Baratt

1

2

3

4

5

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

21

22

23

The Sea Conqueror

Fear

Dreamer Mosaic

The Colored White Desert of Egypt

The Hands of My First Autopsy

White and Blue

Esperar

Retrograde Frequency

Childhood

Flying South for the Winter

Barn in Winter

Mountain Goat

Tree Burr

Wake

Mt. Rainier Viewed from Seatt le, WA

Sisterhood

The Wistful Writer

Trash Dump House

One Man’s Trash

Your Eyes

Front Cover

Inside Front Cover

Back Cover

Alissa Herman

Daniel Gealy

Kate Madara

Rob Stewart

Huong Le

Kelly A. Lopez Cintron

Evan Slagle

Christina Nguyen

Desmond Wilson

Robin Fry

Christine Chen

Adriann Bautista

Desmond Wilson

Dave Miller

Emily Fay

24

25

26

27

28

29

31

32

33

34

35

36

Glacial Runoff

Not in our Stars, but in Ourselves

The River

Endless Stockholm Night

Vertical Lines

The Pursuit of Humanity

Glacial Hush

Poppy

Sheds

The Ending

Autumn Night

Buoyancy

Limbless

The Daily Grind

Free Energy

1

Jonathan Elias

2

FearYuliya Baratt

Scared of the dark and scared of lightScared of speed and scared of fl ightScared of making the wrong choiceScared of raising up your voiceScared of meeting someone newScared of being led askewScared of coming off too toughScared you’ll never be enough

Scared of this thing…that one tooBut all you have to fear is you.

3

Huong Le

Miranda Law

4

The hands of my fi rst autopsy

Nathan Fried

I watched my fi rst autopsy today. The old man layed there on the cold steel table, fully naked, head tilted back, chest completely open and eviscerated.

In vivid contrast, the drab dank room was fi lled with the spirit, conversation, and life of doctors, interns, and students as they re-moved organs for weighing. This experience, unlike many, seemed to be incredibly close to that of which I had been exposed to on TV dramas. The skin, the fat, the genitals, the feet – all seemed fake, all just a production for the next CSI plot twist. Even the face of this old man looked nothing more than a poorly made Halloween mask.

Tracking my eyes across his blood covered wrinkles, I felt discon-nected and oddly at ease. For a moment, I wondered if this was the result of being brought up in the 21st century – fi lled with senseless murders and violent video games, constantly bombard-ed with blood, guts, and gore. I felt sudden relief of this thought, however, as my eyes sett led to this poor man’s right hand. It was then that I felt that surge of emotion that was terribly absent be-fore.

Gently open, palm up. As if waiting for a loved one to hand him something… not rushed, but simply waiting. The left hand was down, curled, but still relaxed – just as my father’s might be while sleeping. Somehow, nothing of this man, of this autopsy, not even his face, seemed to bother me as much as his lifeless hands. It was at this moment, I felt for the fi rst time his existence, or should I say, absent existence.

I decided to leave.

…

5

6

I removed my scrubs, washed up in the morgue’s bathroom, and took the elevator to the fi rst fl oor. Walking across the green-fi lled courtyard at Jefferson, my mind was still fi xated on that old man’s hands. What was it about them that bothered me so much? Why did nothing, not even his eyes, mouth, or nose bother me? Of all aspects of his naked body, why his hands?

As I arrived in lab, my PI greeted me. Desperate to ensure he knew I was late due to acts of a scholar and not indolence, I told him of my experience, quickly remarking of the fi xated thought of that right hand in my mind.

With a solemn stare, he began to talk – slowly.

“That’s interesting you felt that way. Being a Hasidic Jew, our community prepares its own for burial.”

He described how the muscles in our faces relax, allowing us to disconnect from loved ones once they pass. Alive, we tend to hold our faces in distinct ways, giving us personality. When we die, those uniquely fl exed muscles give out- losing some essence of the person and leaving behind a simple mask.

Continuing, he described how his community personally undergoes all tasks associated with the burial: cleaning, clothing, arrang-ing. He then arrived at his point, describing the hardest and most emotionally bearing part of the process: cleaning under their fi nger nails.

“Its not that its gross. Its just something about holding their hand and cleaning under their nails that is so incredibly personal,” he said. ”It forms a connection as you do it. Many in my community that can handle every part of the preparation simply can’t clean the dead’s fi nger nails. They refuse to.”

As he left the room, I sat there - thinking. Wondering of what I have come to realize as such a vital sense to the human experi-ence – Touch. So intimate, so personal. Much more than a brief handshake or a high fi ve, touch conveys a sense of connection and fosters relationships. It helps newborns form that strong connection with their mothers and tells your wife or husband that you are there for them when times are the toughest.

So today, I coin a new quote I hope all of us can appreciate and remember…

”If eyes are the window to the soul, then the hands are the con-duits to our hearts.”

Never again will I underestimate the power of a simple touch.

7

8

Miranda Law

9

Neil Flannery Haidorfer

10

Evan Slagle

Childhood

Yuliya Baratt

I see myself run through the fi eldsI still remember how it feelsWhen life was easy and carefreeWhen it was easy just to beThe days when making friends was quickThe days you laughed till you got sickWe danced because it made us happyWe watched movies that were sappyBack then we thought about foreverBack then we never saw a neverOur dreams were big, our fears were smallOur hands could reach and touch it allA lot has changed for us since thenA lot has changed since we were tenI see myself out running wildI still remember being a child.

11

12

Nishi Dedania

13

Michael Minckler

14

Alissa Herman

15

Nate Jordan

16

Wake

Andi Frankenburger

A night watch,a ship’s trackscut into the sea.In this passageof stirring quiet an ache is stifl ed,its pulse arousedby a father’s tears fallingas failing prayer turns us toward the earth.

17

Michael Minckler

18

Sharon Li

19

The Wistful Writer

Sucharitha Balasubramaniam

I am the PhD postulant,the graduate aspirantwho does write the most arrantnonsense about signaling aberrant.

I att empt vainly to be valiantas I struggle with facts salientand with writing rules cease to be compliant!

On my well-meaning critics I have to depend,when the laws of writing I cheerfully upendI don’t really seem to comprehend

that my writing is far from sapientwith no glimmerings of genius incipientAnd yet I fl ounder along unrepentant!

You note with asperitythat I have the temerityto be profl igate in prolixity….

I admit I lack the gravity(or indeed any dexterity)to compose concise annals for posterity.Indeed this is no time for levitynor indeed for frivolityrather one for brevity!

Duly chastened, I hastenedrather vigorous

in my exegesis of the exiguous,in my excoriation of the obvious….Dear God! Writing that seemed innocuousis certainly not for the fatuous!

But I remain ebullientthat I may yet be lucent,with perhaps the right emollient….

A litt le encomium ad valorem(From you no doubt, is at a premium)to carry me through ad infi nitum!

20

Desmond Wilson

21

Christine Chen

22

Your eyesYuliya Baratt

The eyes that show your deepest fearsThe eyes from which let fall your tearsThey sparkle in the evening lightThey show the world all your delight

Here in these eyes I see your soulThe wonders of which make you wholeAnd when these eyes are set on meThere is no place I’d rather beEven through grey and stormy skiesI will fi nd sunshine in your eyes.

23

Alissa Herman

24

Daniel Gealy

25

Kate Madara

26

Rob Stewart

27

Huong Le

28

The Pursuit of HumanityKelly A. Lopez Cintron

“Ten truths must you fi nd during the day; otherwise you will seek truth during the night, and your soul will have been hungry.”

-Friedrich Nietz sche, Thus Spake Zarathustra

My soul is famished, and I fail at length to recall the last time I’ve slept the night entire. So tortuous are matt ers of the heart, for they seize the soul and the passions and hold captive their possessor. Such am I enfl amed by these passions, these inextinguishable and altogether bewildering sparks of humanity, that I will att empt to tame the massive fl ame, visible from the apex of the precipice, so that it can burn controllably, and I, in turn, may live a human life.

Humanity far exceeds the basic physiological requirements of ventilating, perfusing, and nourishing this callous encasement we haul about day by day. Nurturing the soul, the very diadem of humanity, must be the ambition of a human life.

A lofty ambition it is, to live. To live! To live! To pursue hap-piness with the hot breath of urgency on your neck, to live for thyself!

It is only during times of temptation that we become fully aware of our humanity. It thrashes, as if at the crash of a tumultuous wave, struggling to be allowed to the surface, and we, being naught save mere beasts, avert our gaze as we tense and suff ocate compassion beneath the waves. Humanity is then stifl ed, her bloated corpse the fl otsam of polluted consciousness, irrationality, and impure thought.

29

It is then a daily struggle, the pursuit of humanity. It is, of course, the plight of all men: the decision of whether to pursue a life on the high plain of morality and humanity or to sett le for a meager existence amidst the masses. A human life is a lonely life.

And so, with a spark of humanity, began my confusion. I spied a mirage of happiness, seemingly glistening from my seat on the caravan. The caravan crept forward and happiness gradually disappeared on the horizon. I then continued my journey on the trodden lands of discontent. Give me sorrow, I say, for without sorrow we know naught of the joys of happiness. Without its poi-sonous and bitt er elixir how can we long for the sweet sap of joy, our mouths watering with its anticipation?

I continue along this march that we call life, aware that my desti-nation exists in the long sands behind me, but the momentum of mediocrity urges me forward, thrusting me into the arms of un-certainty. How many others feel this way, I wonder? How many “lost souls” are wandering through the sands with nary a means of reaching their true destination? How many, I ask, and how is it that I can free myself of the anxiety felt at the mere thought of leaving this procession?

30

Evan Slagle

31

Christina Nguyen

32

Desmond Wilson

33

The EndingRobin Fry

Sitt ing here at the threshold of death,Watching each breath while holding my own.A few sacred hours left till a long parting.Usually “the nurse” but today “the family”

I don’t like this side of the bed.Here it is harder, and harsher, and terribly fi nal.And personal.It is so much easier when I am the nurse.

Today’s nurse is kind, and quiet, and very young.He hasn’t seen much death.Last night’s nurse sat with us briefl y, touched us both… she has seen this before.And been the family.She understands the peace and brutality of this time.

The ending is dreaded…..and welcome.There has been too much suff ering and yet not enough time.It is always too soon, but we will never forget the love and the lifeNow passing.

34

Christine Chen

35

BuoyancyAdriann Bautista

Beset with the crashing and thrashing Against the rocks engulfed in the center of lifeDecisions made under the guise of this present storm’s existenceI but tread the water in rivets of strength Allowing my arms to fall into its rhythm Drawing sustenance for the swim aheadUpward, onward, steadfast

The mouth of the ocean opensSwallowing my yesterdayAnd in each roll of its enormous waves My failures are taken under

I close my eyes feeling the refreshing of the ocean’s sprayIts moist lulls me to a place of peaceI give in and fl oat back to the top My back resting on the gentle rocking of the water’s presence

Peace found in the deep……..

36

Contributors

Sucharitha Balasubramaniam: Jeff erson College of Graduate Studies, 2013.

Yuliya Baratt : Jeff erson School of Pharmacy, 2014.

Adriann Bautista: Jeff erson School of Health Professions, 2012.

Christine Chen: Jeff erson Medical College, 2013.

Nishi Dedania: Jeff erson Medical College, 2014.

Alissa Herman: Jeff erson School of Health Professions, 2013.

Nate Jordan: Jeff erson Medical College, 2013.

Miranda Law: Jeff erson School of Pharmacy, 2014.

Huong Le: Jeff erson School of Health Professions, 2012.

Sharon Li: Jeff erson Medical College, 2014.

Christina Nguyen: Jeff erson Medical College, 2014.

Evan Slagle: Jeff erson School of Pharmacy, 2013.

Rob Stewart: Jeff erson Medical College, 2012.

Jonathon Elias: Jeff erson Medical College, 2015.

Emily Fay: Jeff erson Medical College, 2015.

Andi Frankenburger: Jeff erson Medical College, 2014.

Nathan Fried: Jeff erson College of Graduate Studies, 2014.

Robin Fry, RN: Jeff erson School of Nursing, 2014.

Acknowledgements Inside Out appreciates the kind support of:

Janice Bogen, MA, PDSO, RO, Assistant Vice President, Interna-tional Aff airs Offi ce of International Aff airs

Dorissa Bolinski, Editor/Designer, Jeff erson Medical College

Kaitlyn Delengowski, MPA, Administrative Coordinator, Activities Offi ce

Kim Graham, EdM, Assistant Director, Activities Offi ce and Book-store

Patt i Haas, MBA, Director, Activities Offi ce and Bookstore

Lyn Sobolewski, Director, Special Programs, Jeff erson School of Nursing

Michael J. Vergare, MD, Senior Vice President, Academic Aff airs, Thomas Jeff erson University, Chairman, Department of Psychiatry and Human Behavior

Daniel Gealy: Jeff erson Medical College, 2014.

Neil Flannery Haidorfer: Jeff erson Medical College, 2015.

Kelly A. Lopez Cintron: Jefferson Medical College, 2013.

Kate Madara: Jefferson School of Health Professions, 2012.

Dave Miller: Jefferson School of Health Professions, 2012.

Michael Minckler: Jefferson Medical College, 2013.

Desmond Wilson: Jefferson Medical College, 2013.