In loving memory of In loving memory of Charles “Chase” Kirk
In the memory of a loving person.
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Transcript of In the memory of a loving person.
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7/29/2019 In the memory of a loving person.
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October,2011.
Mostreveredladyinthefamily;alaswelostheron27th
Feb,2012.
Inthememoryofmylifepartner.Forallthosetimesyoustoodbyme.
MadlyIwascalling,hereandthere,inthehousewhichwasahomefromthedayyouleftmealone.
wherearethough,Iaminsearchofyou,butcannotfindyou,comeoutofyour hiding;youalways
attendedtomeatthefistcall;whathappenedtoday,nomoreteasing please;pleasecomeout,Iwant
toseeyou.Enoughisenough;unabletohearcallingmeback,thenrealizing,sheisgone.Sheisgone;so
soon? Thiswasthetimenowforyoutoenjoythelifeinabigfamily,whereyouwerereveredmost,and
respected.Wetriedtoprovideeveryfacilityrequired.YouryoungersonSajidwasalloutforyouatyour
service,neverfailedinprovidingsufficientstockofmedicinesyourequire. YoureldestsonMr.Ahmed,
onwhomyoutrustedmostaboutyourtreatment,tookwellcareofyou.Whydidthen,youturnedyour
faceaway.Youwerecompromisingandalwaysignoredsomeofourfailings,butwehaveneverseen
youbecomingangrytosuchanextent,youleftuspermanently.Isthisisafriendship?Toleavethe
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partneratthetimeofneed.Manyfamilyfunctionswereahead,stillrequiringyourpresenceforthe
prayersandpatronship.
Youknewverywellthatmarriagesofyourbelovedgrandchildrenwereaheadsoonerorlater;youdid
notwaitforit.Wasthismoreessentialtohaveeternalrestthantobeherewithus?
Iearnestlydesiredsomeoneshouldsay;Nothisisnottrue.I,myheartmysixsenseswanttohear,thisis
nottrue;andsaysheissleeping,nottobedisturbed; shewouldawakesoon.Butmyloveisgone
withoutsayingasingleword,exceptgesturingapartingkiss.Thisgesturewasagainsthernature,she
alwaysremainedshy.Thisgesturesurprisedmeandwarnedmethatsheknowssheisgoingotherwiseit
wasnotpossiblegesturinglikethis;shehadneverdonesobefore,eveninprivacy.AlasIcouldnotgivea
farewellkisstoapersonwhohadcaredmesomuchandhadwonmyheartandsoul.Shebecamea
queentorulemywholeestate;wehaveburiedherwithourownhands,nevertoreturnandneverto
seeheragain;somiserablymissingmybelovedwife.SheleftmeonlytwentydaysafterwhenIwrotea
shortlifestory,thatwestartedlifetomakeavivacioushome,anewhome,wedidnothaveearlier.She
leftmeaggrievedwithrollingtearsonmycheeks;shecouldneverwanttoseeinherlifetime.
IwashospitalizedinNovember,2007foropenheartsurgery,Sheseldomvisitedme,becauseshecould
notseemeinthatsituation.Sheremainedathome,busysayingprayers. Icamebackwith,heart
refurbished,withhighspiritstomyhomewithinaweek;becauseIknewsomeoneawaitsmeeagerly.
WithGodsconsentIwantedtoliveformyfamilyingeneralandmylovingshywifeinparticular.
Onmysafearrivalhome,mychildrenshoweredflowers,butoutofshynessshecouldnotdothat.But
afterIcametomyroom,Icherishthecareandlovesheshoweredonme.Shetriedtogivemecomfort
toforgetmiserabletimeIspentinHospital.Thisactofhermademegratifiedandherrespectand
staturewasincreasedinmyeyes.Ihadseenhertakingextradutiesthanthenormal.Myheartpains
whenIremember
of
her
gestures
and
services
to
me.
ButwhoknewthatwhensheherselfwillbeadmittedinHospital,shewillneverreturntoletmepay
backthatgreatamountofdebtofloveandaffectionwhichsheshowedtomethen.Maybesheknew
myinabilitytoperformthatway.
WetookyoutoPOFHospital,feelingdifficultyinbreathing.Thishadhappenedmanytimesearlier,and
fewpuffsofinhalerswouldhavestabilized.Thiswasthesamecondition.Doctorswerealsonotofthat
opinionofanyseriousnessatfirstsight.Butonthemorningof23rd
Feb,onperformingtests,some
seriousalarmsrangandPOFdoctorsadvisedtotakeyoutoAFICimmediately.Iaccompaniedyouto
AFIC,nevernewtocomebackalonewithoutyou.Yousaidtometoforgive anymistakeorbaddealing
orhandlingstowardsme,andjoking,Isaid,ok;Iforgive,andaskedyoutoreciprocate,whichyoualso
smilinglysaidso.Iforgive.Hadweknownthatyouhavebecomesoseriousinanyannoyance,weall
wouldhavegatheredaroundyoutoplease,andaskforforgiveness.Youryoungestsonalways
succeededtomakeyouagreewithhim.Thishadhappenedmanytimes,yourefusedtoaccompany
someouting,butSajidalwaysgotyoutoconsent.Andafteryousayyes;awaveofhappinesswould
havebeenbeckoned,makingeverybodyhappyandjoyful.
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Butthistimenothingworked,Doctorsfailed,Wefailedandsheleftallofuswailingandweeping,who
gatheredatArmedForcesInstituteofCardiology,onweehoursof27th
Feb,2012,at0730hours,the
sametimeherbeloveddaughter;Dr.ShaziaZafar;aconstantprideforher,landedattheIslamabad
Airportalongthegrandson,anotherprideforher.DrShaziaaskedmeonphonetowaitforherarrival;
withtearsinmyeyes,Isaidtoherpleaseaskthistoyourmother,Idonotknowbutyes;shekept
waitingand
delayed
her
flight
to
heaven
;she
being
in
coma
and
waited
to
arrive
her
dearest
daughter
andGrandson.AssoonasDr.ShaziaandHammadlanded,thesametime,hersoulgotwingstotakeoff
toherpermanentabode.Wasthisacoincidence?
MyeldersonMr.AhmedhadtoldMr.Khalidyoungertohim,totakespecialaccountofthisandmay
notethetimingsofDeparturetoHeavenandtheArrivaloftheplaneinwhichhertwooffspringare
travellingandthishappenedexactlyasMr.Ahmedtoldtohisbrother.Thisisnotacoincidence;thisisa
willofGod.
LuckilyherlovingsonKhalidreachedalonghiswifeSairafromKuwait,besidesmytellingthatsheis
doingwell,andInshaAllah,Godwilling,shewouldbebacktohome.Ialsomailedthemapicturesoas
thosemayfeelcomfortablethattheirmotherisnotthatill.Butsomeintuitionalpowercompelledthem
totravel,Sairahadsometerrificdreamabouthermotherinlaw,whichcaredandlovedSairavery
much.Whentheyreached,shewasinsomesensesandshowedagestureoflovebyraisingherhandto
touchtheirheads,amarkofshowinglovebyelders.Afterfewminutessheregainedconsciousnessand
enquiredthathadKhalidandSairabeenservedwithfood?Theyhadtravelledalongway.Evenshewas
ondeathbedstillshewasnotlackingherdutyofelderlycareforheradultsonswhoarethemselves
grownupsandfathersnow.
Allournearanddearonesfeltuneasefewdaysbefore,somesortofunknownfeardevelopedandmany
ofusdreamedterrific.Hammadhergrandchildwasupset,sowereotherpeople.Mybrother
MohammadAfzal
rang
me
one
morning
to
enquire
is
everything
OK.
Similarly
all
the
grandchildren
were
uneasy.Ilostmysleepamonthearlier,withstrangefeelings;somethingisgoingtohappen.Andit
happened;mybestpartofhalfisgone.Iamunabletoexpressmydeepfeelingsofsorrowandgrief.
ShewasatotallymadeforallofusandIafraidsuchexamplesofsacrificeandloveforthechildrenmight
neverbewitnessedagain.
2012,theyear,whenIcalculatedtobemylastlivingyear;onthebasisofaveragelife;butnever
thought;myfaithfullifepartnerwillleavemeearlierthanme.Virtuallythisisalsomylastyearoflively
living;withoutmydearestwhosharedmyjoys,mysorrows,mysecrets,mythoughts,nobodyelsecan
share.
The
life
that
becomes
to
a
standstill
is
also
equivalent
to
a
dead
end;
it
is
why
for
me
everything
is
changedcompletely,andwhenIsaymylastyearoflivingisnotthatwrong.
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LastdaysshespentcomfortablyinthePOFHospital.23rd
Feb,2012.
Onlyfewdaysearlier,weweresittinginthelawnanddiscussingaboutthepurchaseofflowering
nurserytobeplantedinnewlypaintedpots. Thepotswerepaintedgreyandsheaskedtobechanged
toredtolookbetter,whichwasdoneaccordingly.ShealsowantedplantingaNiazboorTulsiplantfor
thesummer
to
make
abasil
chattni,
because
this
also
has
healing
properties.
The
plants
were
purchased
andarefloweringbutwhoknewthatonlyafterfewdays,someofthesamehavetobetransplantedon
her,andtheneighboringgraves.Thosearealsonowflowering.TheyoungestsonDr.Sajidhasdeputed
Malitogethergravefreshwithflowers.Ismellthesamebodyscentwhichsheleftbehindintheshape
ofhersonsandgrandchildren.Sheleftbehindformetotakepride,thereputeandflavoratacostof
heavyandsadfeelings.
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Lawnofherhousewithflowersshelikedmost.
Fewdaysearlier,shewasingoodspirits,wenttolocalmarketwithhereldestsonandgranddaughters,
selectedclothforhersummerclothingandgavespecialinstructionstothefamilytailor,whoknewthe
choiceofthelady;theheadofalargefamily.Wecollectedthosewhichwerestitchednicely,butthose
clothingcouldnotgethonortobewornonthebodywhichwaspiouslyspotless. Theseclotheswere
takenbyheryoungerdaughter,residinginUSasasouvenir.Onecanimaginethedepthofpainand
sufferingduetounexpectedpartingpermanentlyofthepersonsolovedanddesirabletoremainwith
us.
On5th
of
February,
we
went
to
Islamabad
for
along
drive,
went
to
Fatima
Jinnah
Park
in
F9.
We
spent
happymomentswithouryounggranddaughtersandsawthemplayingandlaughing.Thatsunnyday
wasabeautifuldaybecauseshewaswithus.WehadafinallunchwithheratHotel.Shehadstopped
takingpoultryitems;insteadshelikedonlymutton,onthepretexttobecleanerandhilal.Shewasvery
carefulaboutthefoodandwouldnottake,ifshehadevenslightestdoubtofbeingnotinorder.
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Theliferevolvedaroundher,shewasacentreofgravityofallthefamily.Herpresenceamongus,used
togiveusunseenstrengthandpleasure;andasenseofprotectionasshewasveryparticularaboutthe
safetyofherchildren.Sheremainedvigilantallthetimeskeepingeyesonthechildren,whiletheir
mothersremainedsatisfiedandenjoyedthecompanyoftheirpartners.Whoknew?Sheisonthepath,
leadingtoheaven,andonlyaftertwentytwodayssheleftuswailingandcrying.Herearefew
photographstaken
on
that
sunny
day.
Granddaughtersplayingon5th
Feb,wemadelastholidaywiththeir
Grandmother
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LastPhotographofahappycoupleon5th
Feb,Neverknewshewillleaveus
permanentlyon27th
ofFeb,
Oneday,outofherhumoroussensesheaskedmeastrangequestion.Iamasimplewoman,
throughoutmylifeIhadneverbeeninanymakeuporgonetobeautyparlors.Ihaveneverbeenchoosy
aboutultramoderndressings.YouareaqualifiedandeducatedEngineer.YouownanIndustryanda
richman.Whyareyoustickingwithme;youcangetbeautifulwomen;whyMe.?Ilistenedwithcalm
andmadesomejokes,thensuddenlythisjokesaddenedme;shecouldfeelandsensedit.Shefeltsorry
andembarrassed.
Itold
her
Iam
shocked,
why
she
thought
on
thee
lines.
Ilove
you
from
the
cores
of
myheart. IamanEngineer;whomademe?IfIamrichasyousaidthoughIamnot,whoisresponsible
forit?Andourdiscussionwasinterruptedbyarrivalofsomeguests,butnevertobementionedany
more.Ididloveherbecauseofherhumanlovingnatureandgenerosity.Everypartofmybodyis
indebtedtoher,Ididnotknowthen.Imissherbecauseshewasagreatperson.Shewasawhole
sincere,sacrificing,loving,kind,compromising,generous,precise,sparkling,andGodfearing.
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Hernatureofkindnessandsympatheticattitudeisverywellillustratedwhenmyelderbrother,whowas
sickforthelastmanyyears,becamecriticallyillinlastJune.Heneededcare,goodfoodandacoolplace
inscorchinghotweatherofJune.Intheareahelived,hadheavyloadsheddingandremainedwithout
electricityforhours.Simpleelectricfansremainedoff;lifebecamemiserableforanoldandsickperson.
Sohewastakentoourhome,theareahavingminimumloadshedding.Wesharedourbed.Mywifehad
tosleep
in
other
room.
We
always
shared
same
bed.
She
along
with
her
daughter
in
law
had
to
take
specialcareandextradutytolookafteracoughingpatientintheirhome.Nutrientfoodwithoutoilhad
tobecookedwellforeverymealserving;donevoluntarilywithoutaniotaofshowingdispleasure,
troubleorprotest.Mywifewouldhavebeenright,ifsaid;hehassons,daughterinlawandawife,why
cannotthosetakecareofyourbrotherinhisownhome,butoutofherhumanandkindnature,she
neversaidthat.Myailingbrotherremainedwithmeforamonthtillherecoveredandstartedgoingto
bathroomhimself.Theserviceandnursingdonebymysweetheartthefaithfulwifetomyelder
brother,wasremarkableandbeyondhisduties.Suchexamplesarehardlyshallbefoundinthis
materialistword.Iremainedgratefulformywifeandmydaughterinlaw.
EarlyDaysofthecouplestrugglinghardforlayingfoundationstonesfortheir
futureprogenies.1980.
Ienjoyedfully,mywholepartofthelifespentwithher,momentbymoment.Fromthesametimeher
parentsgaveherhandtomeinearly1960,withoutknowingmuchofeachother.
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Asalreadysaid,Iwasfortunateoraplayofmereserendipitythatmylifepartnerprovedtobea
verycontentedandpiouswoman,generous,agoodandkindhosttomyrelativeswhousually
visitedus.Mytwohalfbrothersandbrotherinlawremainedwithmetilltheycompletedtheir
education,butmywifenevergrumbledorshowedanyirritationorexasperationandwe
enjoyed
life
in
all
the
circumstances.
We
did
not
have
good
provisions
or
fashionable
clothing,
yetwewerehappy.
Ikeptongoingonmyownwayandavailingmyfadorhobbies,withoutmuchdisruptionfrom
mywife,exceptonce,Iremember,whensheprotested,Ipaidacostequaltoaboutonethirdof
mypayforbooksandjournals.
Iadmit,Icouldhavenevergotauniversityeducationwithoutthecompletesupportand
backing,asshestoodbyme,throughthickandthin.Shecompromisedontheease,comfort
andfacilities,whichsheenjoyedatherleasedhouse,atWahCantt,comparedtoafaroff
villagewithoutelectricpower,whereshehadtomovewithfoursmallchildren.Isawher
strugglingwithmevaliantlybutgraciouslyinmakingahousetoahomefullofcomfortformeandfor
ourchildren
Shewashelpingtoneedy,andobedient.Shewastheonlyone,madelikeofherown,submissiveandat
mysidealways,inanycircumstance.
Shewasmadeforwholeofherfamilyandsheneverfailedinperformingherduties.Butwhenwewere
aloneinourroom,thepartofherlovetothefamily,sheusedtowrapupthatpartandkeptsafely
somewhereinadrawerofherheart;butthepartofloveformeshekeptseparatelyandsecretly.She
neveropenlyconfessed,andneversaid,Iloveyou;butshewasalloutforme.Itlooked;shebelievedin
that,actions
speak
louder
than
words.
She
had
always
pleased
to
provide
me
comfort
and
ease.
Iam
personallyhurtgreatlyandmiserablytoremembersacrificinghersentimentsforthesakeofconsoling
andsoothingmeatthecostofherailinghealth.Shetookeverystep,Irepeattokeepmehappyand
pleased.Shealwaysstoodbyme,wheneverIbecamethevictimofoverworkorbusinesstensions,
advisingtorelax.Itseemedtobe,hersixthsensewasalwayson,andwithoutaskinganythingshecould
understandmyrequirementorobligation,thisalwayssurprisedmebutIneverexpressedtoherthis
qualityopenlyandneveraskedhowshecouldassesswhatIaminneedof?.SometimeswhenshesaidI
donotcare,buthereyestelladifferentstory.Ismiledthenandpaidherinthesamecoinsofloveand
affection.
She
became
worried,
when
I
remained
busy
late
at
nights,
at
the
cost
of
my
health.
She
served
me
with
hottea,thoughsheherselfwasaheartpatient:sheoverlookedmystrongprotestsandwarningstobe
careful.Nothingcouldstopherdoingmefavorsofallsorts.
Shefeltlotofmoralanxiety,whenshewasunabletodohisselfassignedduties;andtheconcernadded
whenItriedtoserveherbecauseofherillness,butalwaysfailed.Ihadtoconsoleherandfeltsosorry
andembarrassedwheneverIwantedtokeepherinpeacethatIamquitehappyandsatisfied.Sheused
tonodherheadbutevidentlywithsuperficialsatisfaction,butfeltmyagonyandlimitations.
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Occasionallyweusedtogoforoutingoronlongdrivesandsucheventswouldbetoreleasetensions
andanalibiforgeneralmeetingofabigfamilytocreateloveamongallandtoforgetthebadmemories
duetoilltreatmentsometimeshumannatureinducestodowithcolleaguesorwithinmembersof joint
familylivingstogether.DuringsuchavisittoKhanpurdamresthouse,allofthefamilywasingood
moodandenjoyedeverymoment.Mynaughtygrandchildrenconspiredtogetapictureoftheirseniors
whichmight
be
aunique.
Ido
not
know
whose
idea
was
but
they
succeeded
to
get
this
picture.
Shynessofapiousandsincerewife.Mynaughtygrandchildren,whoknewthenatureof
Grandma,wantedtobeamused.Thispicturewasmadeonstrongrequestofallthose.
Herabove
gesture
is
evident
and
shows
that
she
remained
shy
even,
when
we
are
at
this
old
age.
She
nevergotamakeupandourchildrenjoyfullyteasedusattimes.WhenevershelearnedIamcoming
home,sheusedtoputherthopattaonherhead;thisactionofheramusedmygrandchildren.Those
wereveryhappymomentsatKhanpurresthouse,andunderthedirectionofallnaughtycousins,andto
pleasethoseall,wepreparedtobephotographed,thoughshewasnotinthatgoodhealth.Butthose
memoriesnowhurtmeandmyheartpains.NotthatIlostmylovingwifetowhomIrevered,butwelost
apersonmostcaring,andwatchfulaboutthesafetyofallofthekids.Shewasmytrustworthyand
honorablecompanion.
Suchmomentsofoutingjointlywithjoyswillbecomingmoreandmore,butthehappytimespassed
withnearanddearwhohadleftus,willnomore giveusjoyandhappiness.Insuch,onejuncture,our
belovedsoninlawLateSajjadAhmedSiddique,whoexpiredlastJanuary,isseeninthefollowing
picture.
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Whoknew?Thebothbelovedsoninlawandmotherinlawwould,whohavegreatrespectforeach
other,willhaveanabodetoheavenwithashortdifferenceoftime.Thosememories,engulfsallofus
withadarkshadowofsorrowandgrief.
CentreofGravityofalargeFamily.WithherSons,sonsinLaws,daughtersand
daughtersinlaw.And grandchildren.
Shehadabigfamily,allthefoursonsmarriedandhavingchildren.Thereweretidesunderthewater
lookedapparently,untroubled.Whenevershewashurtbythemischievous,malignorplayfulbehavior
ofsomeone,shekepttoherselfandremainedcomposed.Ihaveseldomfoundheryellingorshouting;
yesprofusetearsdidflowonhercheeks.Butdidnotmakeanyprotestorcomplained.Shelikedmost
herchildrenplayingandmakingfun.Thispictureshelikedmostwhereallofhergrandchildrenare
makingmerry,unawareofthatwhatthefateistobringforthem.
Afterherdeath,Ihesitatedtoopenherwardrobe,gatheringsomecourage,Ididitandobservedher
suitingfinelypressedandhangedproperly.Itouchedeachtohavefeltofthebodyofmylovingwife,
whoworethese:shewasingoodhealththen.Ivisualizedherstandingbeforemeindifferentsuitinglike
aphotogallery.Iwantedmyselftoforgeteverything,andIrealizedthenwhysomepeoplebecome
insaneandharmthemselvesinsuchsituations.Iclosedthewardrobeandturnedmyfaceaway.I
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gatheredsomemorecourageandagainopenedittoseeitasalasttime,herotherarticlesofuse,boxes
ofunconsumedmedicines,shoes,hairclips,hairbrush,apacketofblackcolor,nailcutters,handbags,
halfconsumedherfavoriteperfume,caughtmysightand,calledherloudly,grumbleandshouted,What
isthisfortoyouleftallthis.MyyoungestdaughterinlawwifeofDr.Sajidoverheardandtoldher
husband,whocamerunning,foundmeandwrappedmeinhisarmsverywarmly,carefully,and
helplessly.We
both
have
tears,
her
very
sensitive
wife
kept
away
wisely
lest
she
also
is
not
be
thrown
herselfinthosetorrentialwavesofgriefandsorrow.
Amongthoseobjects,Ialsofoundmyselftobeleftbehindlikealifelessarticle,shecaredmost.Better
alltheseobjectsshouldhavebeentakenandthrownaway,includingmyself.AttheendofwardrobeI
foundasmalluniformverywellpressedandpreserved.Thisisthefirstuniformofhergranddaughter,
Nawalwhohasturnedtofifteenyears.Thisuniform,shekeptintactforabouttwelveyears,aftershe
leftforUSA.Theobjectsofcommemorationlikethose,shewantedtokeepforeverychild,butshe
preferredtolettheirmotherstakecareof,asallthosewerehereinPakistan.Butsheneverforgotto
keepwithherthephotographsofallherchildren,whicharefoundafterwards.
Wefoundfewgramsofgoldornaments,sheusedonlyonfunctions.Ifshehaddesired,shecouldhave
purchasedandcollectedgoldinthousandsgrams,butprobablyshethoughtitunnecessary,oroutofher
mostcompromisingnatureshemighthavenotdemandedatall.Maybethiswouldhavebeenher
desire;thegoldisalwaysweaknessofwomen,butshenevereverexpressedthis.Shewasdownto
earthinnature.
IntheHospital,aslongassheremainedconsciousandawake,wehadtoassureher,thateveryAyahof
Hospitalhasbeengivenduetip,eventothosewhotouchedherbed,orpulled herwheelchair.She
wouldhavedislikedandfoundagainsthernatureifwewouldhavefailedinthataction.Myeldestson
knewherhabitverywellandexhibitedthispurposefullybeforehismother,bygivingsomecashto
Ayahs,so
as
the
mother
is
satisfied
that
the
standards
set
by
her,
are
being
very
well
observed
.
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Thehappyprogeniessheleftbehind.Thiswasthetimewhentheymadeusto
yieldtobephotographed,offeringmyselfaredrosetomybelovedlady.
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UniformofherGranddaughterkeptfortwelveyears,byherlovingGrandmom,
withouttheknowledgeofnowgrownupNawal,livinginUSA.Thisuniformfound
inherwardrobeafterherdeath.
Shewasareligiouslady;sayingprayersalsofortheprotectionandwellbeingofallhisprogenies.Her
favoriteTVChannelwasliveSaudiChannel,whererecitationsfromQuranwereconstantlyrelayed.But
assoonweenteredthehousesheusedtosurrenderherwillandhandovertheremoteforshorttimefor
ustoupdatethelatestnews.
Aftershe
left
us,
the
whole
episode
runs
in
to
my
mind
like
afilm
that
she
dreamed
to
have
ahome,
sweethome.Ittakeslotoftimetobuildahouseandevenmoretoturnittohome,whichshemadeit
withhardlaborandpassion,thehomewhereentrycouldneverbedenied.Ownfamiliarkitchen,mugof
hotcoffee,relax,love,care,sacrifice,emotions,understanding,forgiveness,compromises,watching
movie,readingbooks,escapethedarknesswithlovedones,feeltheprotectionandshelterinthunder
stormsandtorrentialrains,Urgetocomebackafteradventuresoutside.Moonlightemerging,being
sievedfromopenings,sleeps,andawake.Thefirstraysofthesun,exclusivelyown,nobodycanshare.
Homewhereheartslaughandtearsdrystealthilyoncheeks.Homewheresoftsobbingofchildren
emerges,whendeniedthepurchaseoftheirfavoritetoys,andsometime,whenmildlypunishedover
somemisbehavingtoelderbrotherssisters.
Itisthehomewherenewlywedstartstheirlifewithhope,happiness,andheightenedsentimentsto
sharefirstnightsonnewlydecoratedbeds. Whenallthebrothers,sisters,friends.Parents,near
relatives,allmakingmerryandhallagullatocelebratesuchoccasions.Prayersofferedforthesafetyand
wellbeingforthepairandhopingtobecomepartandbeabsorbedassoonaspossible;thehome,sweet
home
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Werememberinthewinterthepleasureofwarmthofquilts,wereenjoyedinthebeds,busyconsuming
favoritenutsanddryfruitalongthecongenialpartner. Forthehealthofthefamilyingeneralandmine
inparticularsheusedtomaketabletsorballsofflaxseed,believedtohavenutrientsandOmega3.
Thisrequiredlotofefforts,startingfromthepurchaseofflaxseeds,separatingitfromsmalldebrisand
stonestogrindingandfryinginacaramelsugar.Shefelthappytodothisserviceforothersbecauseshe
seldomwill
take
herself.
When
she
felt
making
it
difficult
she
then
asked
her
daughter,
Zakia
Asmat,
residingatRawalpinditodothisdutyforherfather.
Zakiathenvoluntarilyandhappilyconsignedthoseforme.Thiswasusualthataftereverymorningwalk
Iwasservedwith,onetabletofflaxseedswithhottea.Thispracticeremainedtillhisdepartureandthe
pictureofthese,istakenforrecords,whichwerepreparedwithloveandaffectionwhichshehad
embeddeddeepinhertowardsherfamily.Thisisthelastconsignmentleftmadebyherhand.
TabletsofFlaxseeds,believedtobehavingOmega3,fiberandlignans
Shebelievedandmadethehomewhere;burstofwildlaughtercanbefashionedinitsownways,
making
jokes
or
satires.
Home
where
warmth
and
sweetnesss
of
comfort
can
be
sensed
and
felt.
Thisisahomefromwheresoundofflutesandbeatingofdrumsisheardwhenmarriagesofoffsprings
takesplace,eldersgivehandsoftheirwellcared,groomedandsocializeddaughters intothehandsof
unfamiliarpeople.Theirfeelingsmixedwithjoyandsorrow.Itlooksthatallcolorsandilluminationof
theuniversehaslandedinthehousewheremarriagestakeplace.Everybody,smallandbig,girlsand
boysdressedupintheirbestsuiting,enjoythefeastsandabundantsuppliesofdeliciousfoods.Thejoy
ofelderisthenonthepeakandcouldbefeltthroughtheireyes,thissceneisaworthobserving. The
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7/29/2019 In the memory of a loving person.
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marriageoffoursons,threedaughtersandtwogranddaughtershadbeenarrangedfrom1981to2011.
Webothsharedthisjoy,butrecentmarriageofourbelovedgranddaughter,wholostherdearfather
lastyear,wasremarkable. Wefeltmixedsentimentsofjoyandsorrow.Oureyeskeptwet,which
providedusfulltimecompanytous;thankstooureyes.Tiredandsufferedthenervousnessand
apprehensions toremaineverythingsmoothandallrighttilltheendoffunction,wefellonourbedthat
nightwithout
saying
asingle
word
except
thanking
All
Mighty.
We
both
were
overjoyed
and
satisfied.
Werememberthepleasantfeelingsanddelightofnewarrivals,thelatesttoDr.Sajid,whenhewas
bestowedwithabeautifulbabygirl,hearingtheirfirstcries.Thefeelingsofhappiness;motherandchild
aresafecominghomealongnewlyborn,wrappedinsoftblankets,answeringthecuriousquestionsof
toddlersthataswangooseloosenedhisgripandwecaughtthisbabysafely.Thewholehomebecoming
aliveandlively.Sweetswasdistributedandgiftsexchanged.Allthistakesplaceinahome.Bouquetis
offeredonthearrivalatthegateofahome.
Weremember;thehomefromwheresmallfeetleaveforschoolsinthemorningstoreturnin
afternoons:parentsandthengrandparentseagerlyawaittheirbelovedangels.Hotorcoldweatheror
rainydayswatchedcarefullybytheelderslesttheirsmallchildrenarenottroubled.Thiswaitingusedto
keepelderswithheightedconcernsunlesssafereturnofthetoddlers.
Wehadsharedinourhomewhereoneplayswithchildrenwithfreneticactions;someoneelsecould
watchmightthinktheparentsbecomingmad.
Home,whereonecandancealone,privatelyoverfavoritemusic,couldneverbedoneanywhereelse.
Singasonginbathrooms,comingoutofit,onlywithatowelifnobodyisaround.Home,whererainsare
enjoyedbythrowingourselvesalongthechildreninthesmallpoolswhichformed,andgettingwet
undertorrentialrains.
Springstartsandonecanlistenfavoritechirpingofsparrowsandsingingofbulbulsinopeningsof
windowAirConditioners.
TheHomehavingflowersandshockingredbougainvilleahangingonthewallsorattheGate;the
CamelliaorDaphnefloweringshrubsexhibittheirflavorsandaromainthebackyard.Wherepansy,
Cosmos,CasaBlancaLily,Silverbell,Dahlia,Gardenia,Geranium,andJasminesgrowinthepots.
Homeisaplacetodowholelot,andeverything,nowhereelsecanbedone.
Thisisthehomewheresons,daughtersstudyingorhusbandsservingabroadreturnaftertravelling
thousands
of
miles
to
celebrate
occasions
with
loved
ones.
The
wives
wait
eagerly,
cooking
best
well
spicedfoods,thearomaandflavorofwhichcanbesensedandsniffedassoonasoneentersthehome.
Husbandscominghomeafterlongtimearewelcomedwithmixedsentimentsofgettingpreciousgifts
andanimmediateandurgentprivacy,andparentskissingandhuggingtheirprogeniesandchildren.
Andthistakesalongtimetoensuesuchhappyactivitiesoflife.Awholelifeisrequiredtoturnahouse
toacomfortablehome.Howmuchhardworkandtiringhourswouldhavebeenspentbythedeceased
todoallthat.Ifeeluncomfortable,consideringhowmuchpainshewouldhavesufferedtoraisesucha
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7/29/2019 In the memory of a loving person.
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bigfamily,butwithoututteringasimplewordofobligationorshowingdispleasure.Insteadweboth
remainedcontentedandhappy,Iprayforeverycoupletohavesuchlife.
Andunexpectedlyandsuddenlysometimesthendarkcloudsofmisfortunatehangoverandbadluckis
struckthewellsettledandsmoothgoingnormalhome. There was a time when a bad feelings and
sadness is never known, then a storm swept past, desolating, depriving and taking the wholefuture: the hopes broken and unexpected happening takes place. Some one very near is dead.
Ahelplesshusbandwatcheshismostbelovedpartnergoing.Lastdayswhileshe
wasstrugglingforlifeinAFICRawalpindi.25th
Feb,2012.
Thefranticloudcriesofwailingandweepingburstandsorrowandgriefprevailsdeeplyinthehome,
wherejoys
and
comfort
resided:
some
cherished
and
most
loved
one
departs
for
the
eternal
abode,
and
leavesthathomepermanently,nevertoreturn.Relativesgather,arrangementsaremadetodisposeof
themostlovedones,assoonaspossible.Hugenoiseofcriesemergewhen,thecoffinisliftedforburial.
Forsomeone,thensuddenly;thehometurnstoahousemadeoflifeless,mortar,bricks,woodsand
windows.Thearticlesofhomewhichlookedsolovelybeforebecomeirrelevantandextraneous.
Everythingchanges;Wallhangingsbecomeuseless,andrepeltheirattractions.Clocksstopticking.The
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7/29/2019 In the memory of a loving person.
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bedswhichweresharedbecomebedsofthornsandspikes.Thehappymomentsturntomiseryand
woe.Theblueskywithwhiteandblackcloudswithsilverlininglosesitscolors.Therainandpleasant
weathersstarthurtinginsteadofenjoyableandpleasantfeelings.Itlookedeverythingwhichhadsome
significancebeforeisuselessandworthlessnow.Everythinglosesitsplaceitbecomesajunkofyard,a
disorderlyandirregularandanunpleasantplace. All the heap of living in to making a home is
suddenly disintegrates. Home where happiness and joy ruled becomes gloomy and depressing.
You remember, when married, and arrived at our rented house, you said what is this junk of
disarrayed books, and I quoted from a book and called Romeo, Romeo wherefore arent you and
where are you now, where have you gone; so soon...?. Where are those times gone? You left that
home
Your hand was given in to mine by your parents, now living in heaven; did those need you more than
me? Did I fail to take care of you? Did I make you angry over some unforgiving performance? Did not
I need your company? Did you give considerable thought before leaving that I was so strong to bear
it? Yes; I know you thought I could be in good hands, but did you know? How long nights of summer
would be spent alone. You know that all of my near and dears are around me consoling and condoling
and will take good care of me; but it were you and only you, who was direly needed, because youwere my trustworthy and reliable friend. You always advised me on many matters but fearing I may
not agree, so you never forcefully imposed on me, though at times I wanted that way. My purse
remained open throughout during our partnership, I wished you dare to take some money out of it
without telling me; you never rallied my desire. You are gone, but please tell me now, with what
matter you were made. I promise not to disclose, you were human but sort of a superhuman, and why
do not you confess?
You fought bravely at different frontiers, a good mother, a good grandmother, a good mother-in-law,
and good neighbor, a good mistress, a good wife; fought for eight years your failing heart, I believed
you will not succumb to it another few years, please tell me what happened? What made you to leave
Me.? I know I was not that good husband compared as a good wife you were. But not that so bad,
who could annoy you so much that you decided to leave. I am sure you never wanted to punish me
that way, and stayed with me if you could. God called you and so we are; at call, and let us now see
when we shall meet in heaven. I am sure you will welcome me with open arms, suited in sparkling
white dress of fairies; I will recognize you in whatever costume you may be. Till then take care of you
my dear and May your abode, blossoms with white roses and flowers you liked most. Amen.
Still I am unable to believe this had happened and madlyIamcalling,hereandthere,inthehouse
whichwasahomefromthedayyouleftmealone.wherearethough,Iaminsearchofyou,butcannot
findyou,comeoutofyour hiding;youalwaysattendedtomeatthefistcall;whathappenedtoday,no
moreteasing please;pleasecomeout,Iwanttoseeyou.Enoughisenough.Butacompletesilence
excepttheechoofmysubmissionsprevailsshowingnosignsoflifearound.Godblessyoumydearest
friendwhosuccessfullypartneredmewell,tilltheend.Missyousomuch,therealmeaningsofthis
phrasecould
be
realized
now.
Rightly someone said House is made of roof and beams and home is made of love
and dreams.
Becauseformehome,isnomoreahomeandhasturnedtoahouseandIpraytobearthismisfortune
theselinessungbyfamousCelineDiondeliverssomesentimentswhichIfeelsomiserably.
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7/29/2019 In the memory of a loving person.
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For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you.
Love you and miss you my lost heart. God Bless you. Will see you soon.
5th
March, 2012,
Engr. Manzoor Hussain Hasrat.
House. # 13-C. Officers Colony,
Wah Cantt. Pakistan.
Cell.Tel 0092-30051791007
Resident phone, 0092514511510