Issue 001 September 2013

T O ‘ I N T H E C L U B ’ , T H E O F F I C I A L T U E S D A Y C L U B I N T E R A C T I V E M A G A Z I N E - B R O U G H T T O Y O U I N C O N J U N C T I O N WI T H T H E P E R F E C T P O P C O - O P A N D O U R F R I E N D S

Welcome

Yes, we’ve decided to do a fanzine for all you...fans... of The Tuesday Club and true to our sense of humour, which seems to have collectively stopped at age 16, we’ve called it In The Club. It might have a double meaning. It might not.

In this short periodical tome, we will be celebrating all that’s awesome and cool and cool and awesome about life in a modern band... and by that, we don’t just mean instagram pictures of all of us necking bottles of Jagermeister in the back of a van. This is a compilation of people we meet, bands we play with, things we see, stuff we’re listening to... hell, even stuff we’re reading.. the mind boggles!

So, take five to seven minutes out of your otherwise very busy life and read about the world according to us, The Tuesday Club. No purchase necessary, terms and conditions apply, your sanity may be at risk if you don’t get out of the house more often :)

J-Rod - The other guitarist (and typo)

8 T R A C K . . . W H A T T H E T U E S D A Y C L U B A R E C U R R E N T L Y S T I C K I N G I N T H E I R E A R D R U M S !

Andreas Vanderbraindrain:

Public Image Limited - Lollipop Operahttps://soundcloud.com/public-image-ltd-pil/lollipop-opera-radio-edit

The Minx:

Stereo Total - I Love You, Onohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EV-H_sw7aQQ

Wasabi Penis:

Hey Hello! - @HeyHelloMusichttps://soundcloud.com/heyhellomusic/swimwear

J-Rod:

Sport of Kings - Free Jazz http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cM2hfFUeloxxx

Rogerio Marauder:

Vintage Trouble - “Nobody Told Me” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pDr7cQgTHkxxx

Fabulous Glabrous:

Blackheart - Wednesday Afternoonhttp://www.blackheartmusic.co.uk/listen.html

The Beautiful Wolf:

The Soft Boys - I Wanna Destroy You http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAt7hK_zKr0

Tittybar Telski:

David Bowie - Diamond Dogshttp://youtu.be/hISii2NEZ8o

ContentsCover star: The Tuesday Club

8 Track 2-3What’s going on in our musical world

Who’s in the club? 4The Unfortunates

(Club) Foot tappers 5AVBD and The Beautiful Wolf, trawl their record collections

The Impaler Speaks! 6-7Legendary Texan blogger ‘Tim’ The Impaler inparts his sizeable knowledge on us.

Da Minx 8The Chanteuse Speaks!

Wasabi’s Wonders & The Eye 10 Caperage, hilarity and fly on the wall movie footage

(Hairy) Chesterfield 11Another in our rich vein of blogging legends, this time it’s our old chum @simonj68 of Aylesburyshire with his monthly window on the world!

Thanks to: Design @8ecreative. Photography: 8ecreative, Words: @simonj68, Molloy Hitchcock, The Minx,

www.youtube.com/thisisthetuesdayclub www.facebook.com/thisisthetuesdayclub @thetuesdayclub1www.thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk

LIVE ON LOADED - ‘FREE P’TO DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE COPY

Just visit: www.theTCshop.com

The tracks on this Tuesday Club ‘FREE P’ come from the band’s debut TV performance on Loaded Tv’s Dial M show, originally broadcast on loaded.tv and Sky channel 200. It was screened on Boxing Day 2012 at 9pm. Now put the kettle on, put your feet up and enjoy your FREE P :-) xx

She Splayed My Teeth (on the cold hard floor)Dolly Dynamite Ain’t Got No Class

Upcoming gigs!Sat Sep 7 - Croxfest, Festival, Croxley Green - 12:00 noon

Fri Sep 27 - The Horn, St.Albans with The 88

Sat Oct 19 - Paper Dress Vintage, Old Street

Fri Oct 25 - The Grey Horse, Kingston

Sat Oct 26 - Trestle Arts Centre, St.Albans

Sat Dec 14 - The Farmers Boy, St.Albans

facebook.com/thisisthetuesdayclub@tuesdayclub1 @Vnderbraindrain @TCTheMinxthisisthetuesdayclub.co.ukinfo@thisisthetuesdayclub.co.uk

thetuesdayclub.tmstor.es

‘Saturday’ a short story by Ben Brill and The Unfortunates Simon leaves his wife stirring in bed, and walks out into the morning chill. Saturday. The lawn sparkles in the cold spring sun, still flecked with the rain that fell in the hour before dawn, and Simon’s eyes narrow in the brightness. Behind the wheel, clubs in the boot, he cranes his neck, and swings the car out of the drive, into the cul-de-sac. Simon drives with the radio on, drifting in and out of the news and the traffic report, and humming tunelessly to himself as the suburbs turn into the countryside. The lanes narrow and the air outside the window becomes ripe with the scent of the damp grass and shit. His stomach turns; his right foot flirts with the accelerator and the car lurches ahead down the silent lane. Up at the club, the car park is already busy, a brightly

coloured bazaar of men – and it’s always men on a Saturday – rummaging in hatchback boots for golf clubs and spare balls, or stretching over to dig out lurid v-neck sweaters or baseball caps from their back seats.

Simon parks next to a squat Mercedes sports car with a number plate that spells out ‘KA1Z’. Alfie Katz is standing over the car, stocky but smart in black trousers and two tone shoes, thinning hair slicked back over a broad brow. Alfie nods and grunts and sucks on a cigarette, setting his eyes on the middle distance, and daring Simon to start a conversation. ‘You playing today, Alfie?’ Simon asks chattily, pointlessly. Alfie grunts in confirmation. ‘It’s the medal, isn’t it?’ he says, his voice thick with disdain and Silk Cut. ‘Out at 8.30 with Johnny and Richard Gold’s boy. Still, at least I’ve got my health,’ he adds, grunting again, this time in amusement at his own half joke. ‘You?’ ‘I’m looking for a three,’ Simon says, laughing at himself, embarrassed not to have a game arranged this Saturday morning. A pause. Alfie carries on looking into the middle distance, his fingers drumming on the side of the Merc. Simon searches for something to say to fill the silence. ‘The wife ok?’ he asks. Alfie lights a fresh cigarette and clears his throat. ‘Oh, you know,’ he replies. He stops, deep in thought for a moment, before adding, ‘David Kaye’s looking for a game, I think. He’ll be in the bar, if you fancy it.’ Alfie turns and starts walking

off in the direction of the pro shop. The 19th Hole is a shallow, spare bar, all brick pillars, pale wood and glass, with a view of the first tee, and on a day like today, the rolling countryside beyond. Like the rest of Sandhill Golf Club, it had been built in the early seventies with the money from the sale of the old course – built as a grand statement by the Jews of north Leeds to their stiff-lipped gentile neighbours, who’d politely refused them entry to their own clubs for so long. ‘We’re not going anywhere,’ it said. In contrast to the giant empty clubhouse in whose shadow it sits, The 19th Hole has always been popular with the members. On a Saturday morning, it has a homely, familiar feel, a place to sit and drink cups of instant coffee, read the sport, and chew over your round while picking at the dry smoked salmon bagels that come down from the kitchen every morning, wrapped in clingfilm and garnished with cress. Simon walks in through the open door, and spots the slight, precise figure of David Kaye sitting in a group by one of the low tables in the corner. An accountant, who – according to his ex wife – arranged his wardrobe like a colour chart, with a matching pair of pastel socks for every one of the many pastel shirts he owned, David had been a member at Sandhill for almost as long as Simon. Their fathers had been friends a long time ago, but while the two of them went to school together, and played for the same Sunday League team in their twenties as well, they’d never been close. Simon orders a coffee from the bar, and makes his way over. ‘Mr Grant!’ David greets Simon with the mock solemnity of a synagogue usher, accepting the offer of a handshake and clasping Simon’s left forearm,

but keeping an ear on the conversation around the table. ‘You well?’ ‘Not so bad,’ Simon replies, taking a spare seat next to David, and nodding a greeting to the others gathered round the table. ‘You got a game today, David?’ ‘Just me, Arnie and Jack heading out for a quick nine,’ David says, before quickly adding. ‘Peter Younger should

be joining us too, if he can get away. Yourself?’ ‘Was wondering if I might tag along with you boys,’ Simon says, hopefully. ‘Aaah,’ David hesitates, before again affecting the officious manner of the usher. ‘You’re ten minutes late, I’m afraid, young man – Arnie beat you to it. I’d say we go out as a five, but you know how it is, on a Saturday. What a shame!’ he adds, without a trace of empathy.

Simon stays at the table and sips his coffee slowly, as they talk about the new left back at United, and he keeps an eye out for another lost soul looking for a game. After ten minutes or so, Peter Younger arrives, and the other three drain their cups and head to the first tee with a hasty farewell, leaving Simon to leaf listlessly through the racing pages.

The morning crawls by, and as other games head out in turn onto the course, The 19th Hole starts to empty, until Simon is pretty much the only customer left. Every so often, a new member peers in, looking for a playing partner, but Simon avoids them, keeps his eyes on the paper, unwilling or unable to start new conversations with these unfamiliar faces. In the twenty years Simon’s been a member, the club has changed. Once, he knew every face in the clubhouse – thought of every one of them as an extension of his own family. Now, his circle has dwindled to the few boys he plays with every weekend – and everything outside that is alien. Foreign. Today, the boys have left him behind.

‘Fuck it,’ he says quietly, and rises from his seat with a start. He begins walking with purpose back to the car park, back to his home and his wife and the weekend. But as he gets to the car, he hesitates. His car keys in his hand, Simon turns around and walks up the 10 metal steps that lead to the top floor of the clubhouse. It’s been months since he’s been up here – nobody

really comes up anymore except for the old boys who’ve had to retire to the bridge table now the hills of the course have got too steep - but the dark panelled rooms with their thick carpets never change. He begins wandering from empty room to empty room, past the creased waiter, surveying the rows of tables from behind a Yorkshire stone bar, past Alec Abrahams, limping out of the snooker room, clacking his false teeth and cheerily asking after Simon’s mother, and past the honours boards and the old table tennis room and the colour

photos of tournaments long forgotten, into the warmth of the locker room. He sits on a bench by his locker, the locker that has belonged to him for over half his life, his feet digging into the carpet, his head resting in his hands. Saturday.

“The Unfortunates’ debut EP “The Unfortunates are...” is available for download at unfortunates.bandcamp.com

So, who’s In the club?It’s... The Unfortunates

Foot tappersCLUB‘COS the Platters still matter....Dear Club fans, welcome to AVBD and The Beautiful Wolf’s monthly round up of the new, the old, the signed, the unsigned and the inspirational, from our very own musical old curiosity shop, where we pick and podcast 10 tracks that turn us on!

Lyrical letharios, old beyond their years. Filthy Boy - Mental Conditions .

http://youtu.be/fGIGXDpLNlg

You’ll be hard pressed to find much out about these late 70’s Hertfordshire punkers, but all you really need is the link

anyway; bass to die for! ... The Manic Jabs - Autophagus http://youtu.be/ewVpuNMwa3g

The year-1980, the town - Welwyn Garden City, the band - The War Effort. Recorded on cassette on

Wolfie’s Portastudio - but where are they now?

Adam and the Antz, Bow Wow Wow, Rachel Stamp, what’s not to like here folks? A twisted ‘Link Wray Sci-fi’, genius

version of an already classic track. Scant Regard - The Model (Live on Loaded TV) http://youtu.be/cJMIykl5geM

PIL - Deeper Water - From the hugely inspirational return of one of music’s most important and enduring icons.

http://youtu.be/TYuT6VJocbI

The Strangers - I Feel Strange - https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/i-feel-strange-single/id592222248 A band I was lucky enough to meet

during my TV presenter stint on Dial M.... These guys have something! http://youtu.be/2JL8uKzZFwg

Friends from AltRecordStoreDay in Hackney Road; rabble rousing, John Peelites for the 21st century. (see their exclusive feature in this very issue) The Unfortunates - Arthur Lowe http://goo.gl/L9kqNI

We aren’t playing hard to get on this... if you haven’t got it - why not?... ;-) The Tuesday Club - Nanananana

http://goo.gl/JHrqgy

A band we had the privilege of playing with on the same bill as The Unfortunates. Fragile, fucked up and far too shy for their own good. The Walk Uprights - The Very Very Last http://goo.gl/0xRLfj

One of THE most beautiful love songs ever written (in our mushy old opinions). I must have played this 40

times on repeat during a turbulent time. Inspired pretty much all of Teenage Fanclub’s musical output to date! Big Star - Thirteen http://youtu.be/pte3Jg-2Ax4

To find out more

about these and

other tracks on our

show download

your FREE podcast...

click here

THE IMPALER SPEAKSThe Impaler supports local music, film, and other artistic endeavors worldwide, from Austin TX to the United Kingdom and everywhere else. The Impaler has been a member of the Mass Movement creative team since it was a cut-n-paste fanzine many years ago and is solely responsible for The Impaler Speaks website, Twitter feed, and YouTube channel. Support indie music. Support indie film. Support indie life.

My

dedication to all things indie - and I do mean truly independent - began with independent record stores, which I find are always the best kinds of stores (for records and otherwise). No matter where my travels take me, I seek out indie record stores in the area. When I started planning my recent trip to the UK, I had just finished watching an incredible documentary directed by Pip Piper called ‘Last Shop Standing: The Rise, Fall and Rebirth of the Independent Record Shop’ (my review of the film can be found here: http://theimpalerspeaks.com/post/53840867850/last-shop-standing, which is based on the comparably titled book by Graham Jones. The film inspired me to look for as many indie shops as I could find, and I was only limited in finding more simply due to geography, as the only major cities I was able to visit on this trip were London, Leicester, Norwich, and Cambridge. Still, I spent plenty of time in a variety of great record shops in these cities, as documented by the accompanying photos. The Impaler @impalerspeaks

THE IMPALER SPEAKS

theimpalerspeaks.com@impalerspeaksyoutube.com/user/TheImpalerSpeaksmassmovement.co.uk

The Impaler returned to the UK for a 2-week summer holiday from 26 June through 8 July 2013 and, naturally, made a pointed effort to find some independent record stores. There are indie record shops open and thriving at the moment. Here are photos of some that made an impact on me.

In conjunction with my review of the film Last Shop Standing - Here are some of the excellent stores I visited this summer!

All Ages Records - London

Rockaboom Records - Leicester

Sister Ray Records - London

Sounds Of The Universe Record Shack

- London (home of the incredible Soul

Jazz Records!)

Ray’s Jazz Cafe inside Foyle’s bookshop

- London

Blossom Records - Norwich

Blacker Dread Music Store - Brixton

Reckless Records - London

Beatniks - Norwich

Press To Play - Norwich

Music & Video Exchange - London

Out Of Time Records & Memorabilia

- Norwich

Out On The Floor Records - London

Soundclash - Norwich

Flyer from All Ages Records in London - an amazing, fully independent, all-punk record store. I had no trouble spending money here!

Map to All Ages Records in London - an amazing, fully independent, all-punk record store. Go find it and buy some cool stuff! Support independent music!

Photos of indie record shops in the UK taken between June 26 and July 8, 2013, by Timothy ‘The Impaler’ Schwader All photos © theimpalerspeaks

It’s not always easy to know who you are talking to at Tuesday Club gig. Looking for the cowbell

ComparetheMinki.com ... Don’t get minxed up!

Just remember, they look the same, so be very careful. Avoid feeding after midnight and don’t let them get wet.

@theminx

Monday (Monday)Day off English class. Is actually secret code for place go to for missions. English say day at the orifice. ‘Monday to Friday, nose at the grindstone, chat at the watercolor mate’. Write new hexadecimal code based on word Hampstead and test out new crystal encrusted personalised Uzi. Is nice day.

Tuesday (Tuesday)Try teach boys some Russian, they only want learn swear words, so teach them пиздабol (Pizadabol), Говнодавы (Govnodavy) and Отлезь гнида (Otlez’ gnida). Only problem now is they know what I am saying when I cross with them, which in this band is frequent.

Wednesday (Wednesday)Take fur bed throw to dry cleaners to be cleaned. As is summer. Lady asks if I want Russian job. I say to her no Russian want to work in dry cleaners. Am too highly skilled for menial tasks. She get very angry. So do I.

Thursday (Thursday)Get minion to take fur throw to dry cleaners. Lady remembers fur throw, bans all future cleaning things. Tell minion ‘find new dry cleaning’. Minion try to explain meaning of ‘rush job’. Is all too confusing.

Friday (Friday)Take Perestroika and Kalashnikov for dog training. Man teacher complain they not truly dog but look like wolf. I am pleased. Breeding programme working well. Perestroika then get ejected due to over friendliness with Pekinese

called Princess. Insist he was not trying eat her but just friendly dog play. Large donation to Dog Trust needed to calm down man teacher. Later he offer drink in pub. He then go pale when ask for pint of vodka and lime. Go off him when he drink cranberry. With NO VODKA.

Saturday (Saturday)Gig with this band again. Definite need more cowbell.

Sunday (Sunday)Day of rest. Get min(k)ion to search on Googling for disgust shoes. Mission to rid world of disgust shoes. Feel больной. In English is sick. What? There is word for sick which mean good? That is a sick tune. English is sick. How word have 2 meanings? Is wrong. Now have sick for words AND shoes. Making list to start mission. First on list is Uggs. Make me be violent. Women look like legs of cotton bugs. Don’t pick feet up, like lazy cleaner. Is bad. Slip slip slap. Slip slap, remind of flip flop. Also evil shoe. Is only for camping shower. Not even beach shoe. Floppy shoe. And Croc shoe. Croc make sound like a cool shoe, made of skin. Nice handbag. Nice shiny shoe. But no, is rubber clog. Vomit. Smell make me vomit. Rubber shoe made from bubblegum. What evils is this? Need to destroy all Crocs, Uggs and Flips.

DA Minx

ComparetheMinki.com ... Don’t get minxed up!

InGiven that this is a music zine thing, I will attempt to stay on topic to begin with but there is no limit to the stupidity that will ensue in the coming months.

MUSIC AND DANCINGNever forget that those that start something great are often ridiculed before everyone else gets it.

20 seconds of being a lonely fool but by the 2 minute mark he’s a hero.

http://youtu.be/GA8z7f7a2Pk

A special mention to the Dublin cabbie in this next vid. Good lad. We’re all fans of Dublin cabbies in this band.

http://youtu.be/M9fe1j1Jkf0

A band that never was, but boy oh boy I wish it could have been.

http://youtu.be/aY2bWyiaei4

Whilst I’m glad that the whole Gangnam Style phase has passed, I have to say that the aftermath is deeply troubling. Forgetting the wardrobe “issues”, this fella can’t half play. Did anyone say “we need a third bass player”?

http://youtu.be/Pd2pSLFjOas

STUPID STUFFDo yourselves a favour, pop the following phrases into Google (other search engines are available).

1) CAT BEARDING2) JIM’LL PAINT IT3) PHOTOSHOP TROLL4) DRAWING COCKS ON THE LOCAL PAPER

Wasabi’s Wonders

The Eye in the sky

Win a teabag (ing)...

Yes it’s really true! You could be in with a chance of winning a bespoke hand crafted ‘The Tuesday Club’ teabag. Unused! Brand new!

All you have to do is send us your your (Cock a) doodle or a photo of your favourite graffiti and our favourite wins a Tuesday Club teabag.

Post your entries on our Facebook page for the world to see, hashtag

#thetuesdayclubteabagtournament

Please do not try and enter if you are not reading this mag. One entry per household. Competition closes on the 12th of Never. Do not enter after this date or your entry may not be counted and you may still be charged. Do not enter if you are watching In The Club +1.

Some say he is omnipresent. That he is everywhere and yet nowhere, all at once. Some say he has a camera on a stick. That, in fact, he has two, with a torch that makes midnight seem like noon. Some say he is nosier than Pinocchio after a whole weekend of lying. All we know is, he’s called The Eye and this is where he reveals his latest exclusive probe into The Tuesday Club annals.http://goo.gl/3Iymvf

In @simonj68 is back.... with his ‘hairy’ Chesterfield!

You’ll find me in the club, as 50 Cent (whatever happened to him?) once sang, although I think the clubs he frequents are unlikely to cross over with the ones I do. I think the first ever reference I heard to a club, as opposed to a DISCO was from Ghost Town by The Specials, but they were worried about the clubs being closed down, another theme that seems to always be prevalent in the music industry. I have actually never been a fan of clubbing (insert your own joke about seals here) as I have always preferred live music. Whilst I do enjoy watching and listening to a good DJ, there is nothing to beat the experience of seeing musicians playing live, and a small venue / club is always better than a stadium or Hyde Park where you cannot actually be sure if you saw the band or not. You know you saw them on one of the many “jumbotron” screens all over the place, but actually on stage? Not so sure. While the days of watching any band on stage without video screens is disappearing into the distance, it is the smaller screens that are the new menace at gigs now, and some of them are not so small. There is a new breed of people who have been universally christened as “iPad Wankers” with all due deference to The Inbetweeners. We all know that there ain’t no party like an S Club Party, and if we are lucky enough to be at such an event the natural reaction is to want to make sure you

remember it forever. There are some fine lines here, as there is a huge and growing desire for people to capture their nights out, and that does indeed involve taking a few pics and maybe finding a video of the gig on YouTube. At larger venues you will have noticed there is a small “pit” between the band and the barriers, where the press photographers go. They are allowed in there for the first couple of songs and then kicked out, as the band and venue don’t want to ruin it for the crowd by having photographers in your way for the gig. This common sense mentality does not seem to spread to owners of the ironically named smart phones and tablets. I was watching a band, recently, and in the front row were 3 people who seemed to watch the entire gig through their iPads; holding them up to video the entire gig without a thought for anyone behind them who would be constantly distracted by the waving bright iPads in front of the band. Again, some fine lines. I do know some people who record gigs and tracks, and they do it very well. I have tried, and the one thing I have learned is that the sound quality will, 99% of the time, be appalling. Cameras are getting better and better, and the images can be excellent, but the sound

won’t be. The people I know who do it have very expensive, basically professional, kit to record sound, and a loud gig will not be the same on that as it is on your phone!

Take some pictures by all means, and if you want to record a particular song or set, do it in a considerate way for everyone else there; don’t be that person that everyone else is tutting at. And while on the subject of that, if your phone rings at a gig, you do know you don’t have to answer it don’t you? Or maybe like in another club based track by The Streets – Blinded By The Lights you could move out of the area where the band / DJ is playing to try and get more bars on your phone so you don’t have to shout quite as much… All those years ago when Iggy Pop went Nightclubbing these were not the issues he experienced on his night out I am sure, but then some of his experiences I doubt very much he would be able to recall. Much like Oscar Wilde said all those years ago, I wouldn’t want to be in a club that would want me as a member, unless it was the club referenced by Adam & The Ants all those years ago – and if I was to be joining that one, I certainly wouldn’t want a crowd with iPads filming me!!

http:// http://thetuesdayclub.tmstor.es/