In Search of Lost Time: In Search of Lost Time: Down the Memory HoleDown the Memory Hole

FeracoFeraco

SFHP and Myth/Sci-FiSFHP and Myth/Sci-Fi

9 February 20129 February 2012

The greatest hazard of all – losing one’s self The greatest hazard of all – losing one’s self – can occur very quietly in the world, as if – can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss – an arm, a occur so quietly; any other loss – an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. – is sure to be leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. – is sure to be noticed.noticed.

Søren KierkegaardSøren Kierkegaard

Look, I know you think she was the one, but Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. I think you're just remembering I don't. I think you're just remembering

the good stuff. Next time you look back…I the good stuff. Next time you look back…I really think you should look again.really think you should look again.

Rachel Hansen, Rachel Hansen, (500) Days of Summer(500) Days of Summer

Some may read Kierkegaard’s Some may read Kierkegaard’s words and think, “Naaahhh…it words and think, “Naaahhh…it couldn’t be that easy.” couldn’t be that easy.”

It could.It could.

We perceive ourselves in We perceive ourselves in veryvery specific specific ways. ways.

Round up those perceptions, toss Round up those perceptions, toss them together, and you have an identity. them together, and you have an identity.

We also tend to form those We also tend to form those perceptions in deeply personal ways. perceptions in deeply personal ways.

Oftentimes, we rely on memories and Oftentimes, we rely on memories and experiences to help us shape ourselves. experiences to help us shape ourselves.

They’re the things that tell us who They’re the things that tell us who we’ve been so we can better understand we’ve been so we can better understand who we are. who we are.

We trust that we understand We trust that we understand ourselves because we trust our minds. ourselves because we trust our minds.

We rarely fear that we’ve gone We rarely fear that we’ve gone insane, or that our perceptions and insane, or that our perceptions and memories are simply off.memories are simply off.

But have you ever wondered whether But have you ever wondered whether you you shouldshould trust your memories? trust your memories?

Winston muses silently about the Winston muses silently about the “mutable” nature of the past – a past the “mutable” nature of the past – a past the party destroys and constructs with party destroys and constructs with fanatical devotion. fanatical devotion.

Specifically, he wonders whether one Specifically, he wonders whether one can trust what one believes to be true can trust what one believes to be true when no physical records exist to verify when no physical records exist to verify one’s memories. one’s memories.

Your recollections fade over time, and Your recollections fade over time, and without that verification – the reminder of without that verification – the reminder of a touch, the recurrence of an event, a a touch, the recurrence of an event, a story told to you again – they simply story told to you again – they simply vanish. vanish.

Close your eyes in a second, and Close your eyes in a second, and try picturing the people who raised try picturing the people who raised you. you.

How detailed is the image you’ve How detailed is the image you’ve crafted in your mind? crafted in your mind?

Did you take the way they held Did you take the way they held their hands or stood into account? their hands or stood into account?

Did you remember to give their Did you remember to give their faces an accurate expression? faces an accurate expression?

Now how well can you remember Now how well can you remember your ninth-grade English teacher?your ninth-grade English teacher?

Can you remember more than Can you remember more than how he or she looked? how he or she looked?

Can you remember how he or Can you remember how he or she reacted when surprised?she reacted when surprised?

Can you remember the way he or Can you remember the way he or she walked? she walked?

Can you remember your Can you remember your kindergarten teacher?kindergarten teacher?

Are you sure?Are you sure?

Now let’s think about your first Now let’s think about your first experiences. experiences.

For example, you probably For example, you probably remember learning how to swim.remember learning how to swim.

But can you remember exactly But can you remember exactly how you felt when your head slipped how you felt when your head slipped beneath the water and, for the first beneath the water and, for the first time, you raised your head above the time, you raised your head above the surface on your own? surface on your own?

Can you remember how you felt Can you remember how you felt when you read your first word – when you read your first word –

when you stepped through a when you stepped through a linguistic gateway from which there linguistic gateway from which there

was no going back? was no going back?

Can you smell something and be Can you smell something and be instantly transported back to your instantly transported back to your family’s kitchen, or remember the family’s kitchen, or remember the sensation of a dog’s fur the first time sensation of a dog’s fur the first time you rubbed it behind its ears? you rubbed it behind its ears?

Can you remember your first Can you remember your first dance, first kiss, first break-up, first dance, first kiss, first break-up, first success, first failure, first loss, first success, first failure, first loss, first conscious fear? conscious fear?

And not just what they were, but And not just what they were, but everything associated with them – everything associated with them – sensation, emotion, thought, sensation, emotion, thought, surroundings?surroundings?

Robin Williams starred in a visually-Robin Williams starred in a visually-arresting and fascinating (if flawed) movie about arresting and fascinating (if flawed) movie about fifteen years ago called fifteen years ago called What Dreams May Come. What Dreams May Come. (It’s streaming on Netflix, as best I can tell). (It’s streaming on Netflix, as best I can tell).

The gist of it is that Williams’s character The gist of it is that Williams’s character reawakens after death to find himself in an reawakens after death to find himself in an afterlife that he creates as he goes – a realm that afterlife that he creates as he goes – a realm that responds to his thoughts, wishes, and memories, responds to his thoughts, wishes, and memories, such as of his wife’s art. (When he walks across such as of his wife’s art. (When he walks across the terrain, it smears into paint beneath his the terrain, it smears into paint beneath his feet.) feet.)

Eventually, however, this bright and happy Eventually, however, this bright and happy paradise is shattered when he realizes his paradise is shattered when he realizes his grieving wife has committed suicide, and grieving wife has committed suicide, and therefore banished herself to a version of therefore banished herself to a version of Hell/Purgatory in which she withdraws from Hell/Purgatory in which she withdraws from everything, including her own memories. everything, including her own memories.

Williams has to fight not just to reach her, Williams has to fight not just to reach her, but to force her to remember him somehow – but to force her to remember him somehow – with no way to prove he ever mattered to her.with no way to prove he ever mattered to her.

Similarly, Hugh Jackman starred in a visually-Similarly, Hugh Jackman starred in a visually-arresting and fascinating (if flawed) movie a few arresting and fascinating (if flawed) movie a few years ago called years ago called The Fountain.The Fountain. Unlike Unlike What Dreams What Dreams May Come, May Come, it’s one of my favorite movies, and we’ll it’s one of my favorite movies, and we’ll be watching/discussing it later this semester.be watching/discussing it later this semester.

The narrative fractures into three different The narrative fractures into three different storylines in three different time periods – the storylines in three different time periods – the 1400s, the present, and the far-flung future. 1400s, the present, and the far-flung future.

In each period, a man played by Jackman In each period, a man played by Jackman drives himself to do something to save his drives himself to do something to save his endangered lover (who’s played by the same endangered lover (who’s played by the same woman in each storyline, naturally). woman in each storyline, naturally).

While the “future” storyline is of particular While the “future” storyline is of particular interest – the future Jackman tries desperately to interest – the future Jackman tries desperately to reach a distant place in the stars, where the cure reach a distant place in the stars, where the cure he needs to resurrect his lover is located – it’s most he needs to resurrect his lover is located – it’s most interesting because the protagonist struggles to interesting because the protagonist struggles to remember why he’s going there in the first place, remember why he’s going there in the first place, and has to resist the urge to banish the only and has to resist the urge to banish the only memories of her he’s been able to keep because memories of her he’s been able to keep because they’re too painful. they’re too painful.

Finally, Jim Carrey starred in a film a few Finally, Jim Carrey starred in a film a few years ago called years ago called Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.Mind. (I would love to show this, but it’ll probably (I would love to show this, but it’ll probably have to be a permission-slip Lecture Hall deal.)have to be a permission-slip Lecture Hall deal.)

In that film, a heart-broken and recently-In that film, a heart-broken and recently-dumped Carrey hires a company to erase all dumped Carrey hires a company to erase all traces of his former relationship from his traces of his former relationship from his existence – even going so far as to allow them to existence – even going so far as to allow them to alter and erase his memories. alter and erase his memories.

But as the more recent, pain-filled But as the more recent, pain-filled recollections give way to moments in the past recollections give way to moments in the past where he was truly happy, he remembers why his where he was truly happy, he remembers why his lover was worth pursuing, even if it caused him lover was worth pursuing, even if it caused him heartbreak in the end – and must then struggle heartbreak in the end – and must then struggle against the forces he hired to erase those happy against the forces he hired to erase those happy moments.moments.

I was mesmerized by the way all three I was mesmerized by the way all three films played with the relationship films played with the relationship

between memory, identity, and love. between memory, identity, and love. It’s a relationship we’ll explore in It’s a relationship we’ll explore in 1984 1984 in great detail, as well as in in great detail, as well as in

works later in the respective works later in the respective courses.courses.

However, the reason I bring up film is However, the reason I bring up film is because it’s not simply a deeply visual because it’s not simply a deeply visual medium: it’s a sensory one as well. medium: it’s a sensory one as well.

Think about it: A blockbuster’s not Think about it: A blockbuster’s not the same if you can’t feel the bass the same if you can’t feel the bass rumbling the soles of your feet, hear the rumbling the soles of your feet, hear the sound mix as it overwhelms you, feel the sound mix as it overwhelms you, feel the jolt of adrenaline when something jumps jolt of adrenaline when something jumps out at you, and so on. out at you, and so on.

We tend to reduce our memories to We tend to reduce our memories to the purely visual when they’re really far the purely visual when they’re really far more than that – just as movies are far more than that – just as movies are far more than visual creations.more than visual creations.

With that in mind, I want you to With that in mind, I want you to make me a landscape of your make me a landscape of your memories, just as Carrey, Jackman, memories, just as Carrey, Jackman, and Williams did in their films. and Williams did in their films.

This assignment revolves around This assignment revolves around the three questions that inform the three questions that inform 1984’s1984’s narrative most (although you narrative most (although you can skip the fourth, more sinister can skip the fourth, more sinister one – “What do you wish you could one – “What do you wish you could forget, or wish you didn’t know?”): forget, or wish you didn’t know?”):

What do you remember that defines What do you remember that defines you?you?

What do you wish you could remember What do you wish you could remember that’s slipping away or already that’s slipping away or already

forgotten outright?forgotten outright?

What are you most terrified you’ll What are you most terrified you’ll forget?forget?

Turn your paper until it’s Turn your paper until it’s horizontally oriented, then make horizontally oriented, then make three columns with the words three columns with the words “Define Me,” “Slipping Away,” and “Define Me,” “Slipping Away,” and “Don’t Forget Me” at the top of the “Don’t Forget Me” at the top of the paper (write your name on the back). paper (write your name on the back). Then start charting memories. Then start charting memories.

The previous slide’s guidelines are The previous slide’s guidelines are merely suggestions. You can design this merely suggestions. You can design this landscape however you wish, although landscape however you wish, although you need to keep your memories grouped you need to keep your memories grouped in the same three categories. in the same three categories.

Many of my former students opted to Many of my former students opted to abandon a strict three-column design, abandon a strict three-column design, often adding drawings, forms, and shapes often adding drawings, forms, and shapes that meant something. that meant something.

Whatever you choose to do, you Whatever you choose to do, you should ultimately produce a colorful work should ultimately produce a colorful work of art chock-full of the recollections that of art chock-full of the recollections that mean the most to you.mean the most to you.

Remember, many of your memories Remember, many of your memories will be about the things you saw or did. will be about the things you saw or did.

Those are important Those are important if they are what if they are what you’d truly miss.you’d truly miss.

Don’t forget the little things you’d Don’t forget the little things you’d miss as well – the feeling of speeding for miss as well – the feeling of speeding for the first time (and getting away with it, I the first time (and getting away with it, I assume), the sound of your dog bounding assume), the sound of your dog bounding towards the door that you feel just a little towards the door that you feel just a little guilty for taking for granted, the pressure guilty for taking for granted, the pressure of strawberry seeds between your teeth of strawberry seeds between your teeth after you bite into the first fruit of the after you bite into the first fruit of the year. year.

Life is wonderful and colorful, and Life is wonderful and colorful, and you don’t want to forget something you don’t want to forget something meaningful! meaningful!

If everything else but your If everything else but your memory were taken, what would you memory were taken, what would you want to remember?want to remember?

Ultimately, the answers to that Ultimately, the answers to that question might surprise you a bit; at question might surprise you a bit; at the very least, they’ll help you the very least, they’ll help you understand yourself a little better.understand yourself a little better.

At the end, remember At the end, remember Kierkegaard’s (and Winston’s) Kierkegaard’s (and Winston’s) unspoken message: Hold on tightly unspoken message: Hold on tightly to what you’ve seen, what you’ve to what you’ve seen, what you’ve done, what you know – so no one can done, what you know – so no one can ever take your self from you. ever take your self from you.