1 – Enough Said2 – In A Chicago Second

3 – When In Hell4 – No Extra Points

5 – Paid In Folk6 – Never Scared

7 – Mass Jurisdiction8 – Networking

9 – Mental Relaxation10 – The Toll, Part 211 – When In Heaven

HE ISN’T SURE WHAT TO DO AND I SAY

“WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?”

HE SAYS “AIDS”

I PLAY IT OFF COOL KNOWING DEEP DOWN MY LIFE AS I

KNOW IT HAS COME TO AN END, AND SHE SLOWLY

PROCEEDS TO SAY…

“I MISSED MY PERIOD”

I WAS IN GERMANY, TO BE SPECIFIC, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN IT BECOMES

FACEBOOK OFFICIAL (TO ME) THAT I‘M CURRENTLY IN PARIS ON MY

HONEYMOON WITH A FEMALE, WHICH REALLY TOOK ME BY SURPRISE,

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I ASKED MYSELF “HOW CAN I BE IN 2 PLACES AT THE

SAME TIME?”, AND NO ANSWER CAME TO ME. DAMN.

MY FRIEND WAS LIKE “I KNEW YOU TWO HAD SOMETHING GOING ON!

SO WHEN’S THE WEDDING”

Some people like to say Out of the Frying Pan, Into The Fire

I like to say Escaped From Hell, Trapped In Purgatory

The Evolution Of Football

I figured out why the Mayans calculated the date of the end of the world

All of a sudden football doesn’t seem so violent

They had this thing called the

Mayan Ballgame that they cut

your head off if you played like a

little turd

The Native Americans played with spears

In 5th grade Social Studies class I did this project on the Native Americans and my baller teacher reacted very strongly to it, which means you can put faith

in the things I say

You’re telling me that the violence embedded in our modern American culture does not stem from the

violent ways of the original Americans?!

Teddy Roosevelt told his son it was better to die playing

football than to be a punk

[sn]itch

They commemorated the teddy bear after such a man

’98 was the year

Rex Grossman?

A German in Germany got really excited when the

conversation turned to the ’07 Super Bowl (somehow), but when I mentioned Rex

Grossman, he got confused.

I remember late nights playing Madden in Ann Arbor

▪ Randy Moss in real life was the only player to play like a

Madden character

▪ Michael Vick in the game was ridiculous

The Richard Sherman effect

Yet another football player gets shot outside a strip/night club

And they say rappers are the scum of society, pfff!

Still though – None of that matters for the final gameday experience

Paid In FolkJAN BAK

LATE 90 SOMETHING, EARLY 2000s

BACK IN THE DAY, YOU NEEDED TO BRING $5 TO HAVE A PARTY

The party was at McDonald's on Irving Park & Central;

4 friends, chillin, each person only taking away from the

table no more than they brought to it

Things That Happened Once

1

Someone stole my Charizard, but we went to the perpetrator’s house and got it back within 10 minutes

The homies in school thought a Nelly CD would impress the girls, until the girls laughed in their face when they tried to rap

Lending people my football meant I’d never see it again, which is why I never lost my football

Things That Happened More Than Once

>1

A fool never learned that celebrating and encouraging mediocrity was not the road to success, which means that poverty is not an

economic disease, but rather a disease of the mind

In Other Words….

>11LESS IS MORE

ONE TIME!

Let’s Roll

The People Of Alabama don’t need a school to teach them that – They already got it

Starbucks fell on Alabama: State gets its own mug, at last

Using the logic of one silly man who shall remain nameless, that

means Alabama is half as pretentious as Michigan

Mass JurisdictionJan Bak

There are some things in this world that you just can’t Shake Off

Example: Child Support Payments

Source:

$113 Billion in unpaid child support in the United States

(as of Thanksgiving 2015)

Example: The Affordable Care Act

Source:

Queue the

Hillary Clinton Antagonizers

(she masterminded the thing)

Maybe you could shake those things if you were Taylor Swift

In other news, these things are no joke

Sophisticated Gold Diggers

With all the admiration given to athletes

and entertainers in our society, perhaps

we should start giving that same respect

to hard working femme fatales?

Chicago Cubs Loyalists

How many rich people in the legal,

medical, and insurance professions can

say they made the same social impact as

Sammy Sosa?

Long Live Forever Bulls, Cubs, & Every Beast!

BOLThe Advisory Group

a) Food is the natural icebreaker

b) On most working days in the corporate world, the only fun moments come during lunch

c) When people start eyeing your pizza because they are not full from their salad, you have job leverage

d) Those late night dinners with a big group in a nice restaurant are the only chance to see your boss wearing a less intense mask

a) Joking about the craftiness of mechanics is a classic bonding moment

b) Presence of numerous cars reflects that everyone is doing fine for themselves

c) The Seinfeld episode where George Costanza goes crazy at the car dealership is the funniest because it is the most realistic

a) Travel location creates easy conversation starter

b) Multitudes of people makes it rude to not people watch, but be courteous and considerate

c) An opportunity to look at gold diggers and sugar daddies without being judged

d) I enjoy conversations about hotel rankings and consultant points because it puts me right to sleep after a long week

a) Intellectual atmosphere inspires sophisticated discussions

b) Cream and sugar station connects strangers

c) Even if you are stuck in Peoria, there is a nice coffee shop nearby where they will gladly take your hard-earned money

a) High profile geographic terrain makes communication unavoidable

b) Drivers and pedestrians must look out for each other, making status differences irrelevant

c) Ever thought someone was patient until you saw them spaz when a driver violates their right-of-way?

d) Ever been skeptical about a client’s trustworthiness and have it confirmed by the fact that they blow stop signs like it ain’t nothing?

a) My best friend from the country came to the city once and he was disappointed with the lack of promiscuously dressed ladies

b) Alcohol, money and passion mix together into unlimited combinations

c) This Italian guy walked into the spot I was chillin’ and tried to call me out for being Polish, I was like “Unfortunately”…unfortunately for the people who can only drink a little bit

I need to

find a new

job…

These dorks

are hurting

my bonus.I love my

coworkers!

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