IDIOT'S GUIDE ON HOW TO FAIL THE NLE

8/9/2019 IDIOT'S GUIDE ON HOW TO FAIL THE NLE

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ORIGINALLY POSTED AUGUST 2007 at http://stuffednurse.blogspot.com

The NLE for me is the most difficult exam for pinoy nurses and therefore, I find it quitea task to determine its weakness to help graduates pass it.

Numerous books and articles have been written on how to pass the NLE. Some evenpromises that reading them will make one pass with flying colors. But what does it take

to FAIL the exam? How can you actually FAIL?

DISCLAIMER:This is written based on the principle of reverse psychology.This is not meant to mock the NLE.

STEPS ON HOW TOFAIL THE PNLE

I. GRADUATE WITH LACKING OR INSUFFICIENT KNOWLEDGE.

1.Enrol yourself in one of those unaccredited nursing schools.

Tipid ka na! Sure na bagsak ka pa!

2. Think of nursing as your VISA out of the country.

Just try to finish the course as fast as possible.

Your motto should be to help the sick anywhere except those who live in thePhilippines

3. Do not attend your classes.
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Save yourself from those boring classroom lectures! Take time to playonline RPGs, hone your billiard skills, and do serious mall hopping!

4. Buy all the needed books and donate them to the class nerd.

Borrow the nerds notes and never read them ( bagsak ka na, malamangnadamay mo pa cya! Tapos dahil isusumpa ka nya at kakarmahin ka,sureball wasak na future mo ).

5.Be imaginative.

Magdaydream habang nasa classroom to make sure you absorb nothing ofthe lectures.

6.Develop your eye muscles.

Keep them in top shape for those quick side glances during exams (youneed to graduate fast db).

7. Be resourceful and creative.

Befriend the other nerd. Maybe donating aircons are not enough to makeyou graduate (dapat fast graduate ka db) kea keep the nerd handy foremergencies.

II. HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE BUT DO NOT USE IT.

Lets say you still learned stuff despite all your trouble avoiding it, what then?

The board exam is only 30% knowledge, the other 70% is how you use theknowledge. So simply ignore thinking alltogether and just mark the answersheet with this pattern A, B, C, D over and over until you are through!


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Galing noh!?

III. TEND TO OVER-ANALYZE.

Lets say you are one of those masochistic types who like to do things the

hard way.

1.Read all questions and choices at least 17 times and scribble notesand underline key words.

ubos oras na, sure na windang ka pa!

2.Choose the option with the most what if and maybe scenarios.

Mas magulo, mas masaya!

IV. STICK TO YOUR CLINICAL EXPERIENCE.

Its reality vs NLE.

The NLE is theory based so as long as you stick to your extensive practicalexperience in healthcare (naks), you will surely get wrong answers.

Nothing can better help you at this than having underboard and/orunderqualified clinical instructors!

Buti na lang, you enrolled in an unaccredited nursing school!

See, my first tip works!

ADVICE: Sleep on duty or request for reassignment pag magaling CI nyo,ok.


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V. SUBMIT FALSE RLE RECORDS.

1. You can rely on karma to help you fail.

2. In case you passed the exam, you can still have your license

revoked, just make sure obvious na copied or fake cases mo.

VI. SCREW YOUR EXAM REVIEW.

Remember, all your hard work will mean nothing if your mom happened toenrol you in a really good review program, take matters into your ownhands!

1.Enrol in a fly-by-night review center.

Obvious ba?

2.Enrol ka sa may LEAKAGE

..so in the event na makapasa, you'll only have to squeal to have yourlicense revoked.

3. If your mom succeeded, and you end up in a review center determined to

make a topnotcher out of you, revert to your student days mode (refer toroman numeral I.), or check out prospects and use them as inspirationto keep you from straying from your goals (naks!).

4.Only attend review classes for the sake of the baon.

Meant only as a last resort pag walang prospect among your classmates.


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VII. BUILD UP YOUR STRESS LEVELS.

For those masochistics again and for OCs out there:

1.Study! Study! Study!

make sure you do all of the following on schedule:

A. You need to memorize Brunner and Suddarths MS.

B. be able to recite the whole Kaplan and Feuer mp3 reviewers.

C. Know every word of Lippincott, Mosby, and NCLEX 3000 questionnaires.

D. Be able to rewrite at least 250 questions and rationales each day frommemory.

E. Answer and rationalize a minimum of 250 questions daily (iba pa ito sareview center stuff).

F. Form a study group with 8 members and call each member twice daily toremind them of your set schedules.

G. Recite laboratory values upon awakening.

H. Enumerate covered lecture topics before sleeping.

I. Compete with the lecturer on who knows more...and make sure you win.

Do this twice a week.

If you are not stressed enough yet with over studying, you can....

2.Wreack havoc in your personal life.

A. Be disrespectful of your parents.


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B. Initiate bickering with your siblings.

C. Be over demanding with your current flame.

D. Isolate yourself from your friends.

E. Constantly be irritated and irritating.

3.Starve yourself

..need i say more?

4.Neglect spiritual needs.

VIII. COMMIT TECHNICAL MISTAKES.

1.Ensure your paper won't be checkedby:

A. folding sections of it.

B. Making unnecessary marks.

C. Entering the wrong examinee number or set.

2.Bring a forbidden item.

Whew! if doing all these things ends up to no avail,CONGRATULATIONS!

tadhana mo na maging RN! =p

IDIOT'S GUIDE ON HOW TO FAIL THE NLE

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