I, Mara Jade by JediMara77

Category: Star WarsGenre: Romance, DramaCharacters: Mara Jade, Luke S.Status: CompletedPublished: 2010-11-22Updated: 2011-01-30Packaged: 2012-01-19 22:05:59Rating: TChapters: 26Words: 90,932Publisher: www.fanfiction.netSummary: Mara Jade faces the hardest struggle of her life asshe trains to be a Jedi while trying to come to terms with her pastas the Emperor's Hand. She didn't count on a blue-eyed JediMaster with issues of his own becoming the biggest challenge ofall.

Table of Contents

1. Introduction2. Chapter 13. Chapter 24. Chapter 35. Chapter 46. Chapter 57. Chapter 68. Chapter 79. Chapter 810. Chapter 911. Chapter 1012. Chapter 1113. Chapter 1214. Chapter 1315. Chapter 1416. Chapter 1517. Chapter 1618. Chapter 1719. Chapter 1820. Chapter 1921. Chapter 2022. Chapter 2123. Chapter 2224. Chapter 2325. Chapter 2426. Chapter 25

1. Introduction

Title: I, Mara JadeAuthor: JediMara77Timeframe: post-TTTCharacters: Mara Jade, Luke Skywalker, apprentices at the

Jedi Academy, and othersGenre: romance, drama, angstSummary: Mara Jade faces the hardest struggle of her life as

she trains at the Jedi Academy while trying to come to terms withher past as the Emperor's Hand. She didn't count on a blue-eyedJedi Master with issues of his own becoming the biggestchallenge of all.

Acknowledgements: Thanks go to George Lucas, TimothyZahn, Michael Stackpole, and Kevin J. Anderson for allowing me,and other fanfiction writers, to borrow their characters and ideas. Ipromise to return them in mint condition.

Thanks to Jade_eyes for being my cheerleader and beta, andto kataja for letting me "borrow" the fabulous word bicce.

Author's Note:This AU was inspired by the novel I, Jedi byMichael Stackpole, and covers some of the events of the JediAcademy Trilogy by Kevin J. Anderson and the Hand of ThrawnDuology by Timothy Zahn.

Author's Note 2: I wrote this story for National Novel WritingMonth 2010.

Author's Note 3: While writing this story, I made a"soundtrack" that I listened to for inspiration. Below are the tracklistings, and as I post chapters I will note songs that accompany

them.Try – Nelly FurtadoAnything but Ordinary – Avril LavigneEverything – Alanis MorissetteThe Kiss – Trevor Jones, The Last of the Mohicans

soundtrackAquarium – Camille Saint-Saëns, The Carnival of the

AnimalsReflections of Passion – YanniCursum Perficio – EnyaBreathing Space – X-Ray DogStorms in Africa – EnyaCan't Help Falling in Love – Elvis PresleyFull of Grace – Sarah McLachlanThe Winner Takes it All – ABBAWhite Flag – DidoSandstorm – DarudeYour Congratulations – Alanis MorissetteNearer My God to Thee – Eileen IversNow We Are Free – Lisa Gerrard and Hans Zimmer, Gladiator

soundtrackUtopia – Alanis Morissette

2. Chapter 1

A/N: Song for this chapter: Try, Nelly FurtadoA/N: Lines and dialogue have been borrowed from The Last

Command by Timothy ZahnCHAPTER 1It is twilight, the Coruscant air turning cool against my exposed

skin. Standing by myself on the roof of the Imperial Palace, I shrugon my jacket, staring intently at the skyline before me.

For some reason I can't really figure out, I find myself drawn tothis place. It doesn't hold any sort of special significance for me,either good or bad, but after the craziness of the past severalmonths, I find it incredibly peaceful here, staring at the traffic andpeople bustling about below me, carrying out their lives without anysense of concern for what is going on in the larger universe.

Even as I try to find my own peace in the city below, I hear thedoor to the roof open about twenty meters behind me. Iimmediately sense who is there, and sure enough, I hear his voicecall out to me. "Mara?"

"Over here," I call back, suppressing a grimace. I know that hehas come to finally have the talk that I have been putting off fordays.

So much for trying to find inner peace.Luke walks slowly towards me, taking the spot by my side,

leaning against the railing of the roof. Our elbows graze eachother, and for the first time since I have known him, I do not flinchaway at his touch.

"Quite a view, isn't it?" Luke comments, gazing at the citybelow. "Must bring back a lot of memories for you."

I roll my eyes and throw him a patient look. "You mean to say,just how am I feeling about being back in the Palace this time?You know, Skywalker—just between us—you really don't havewhat it takes to be devious. If I were you, I'd work with my talentsand stick with that straight-out farm boy honesty."

He has the decency to look sheepish, even though I can tell thathe is amused by my analysis of him. "Sorry," he apologizes. "Toomuch time spent around Han, I guess."

"And Karrde and me, I suppose?""You want a straight-out farm boy honest answer to that?" he

teases.I smile at him. It's nice to hear him banter this way. It makes him

seem more human, and surprisingly, it feels incredibly natural. "I'msorry I even brought it up," I reply, laughing.

Luke smiles back, then turns serious again. "So, how are youfeeling?"

I look back out at the city below me. "I don't know," I admit. "It'ssort of like coming home…only it isn't. When I lived here, I neverreally took the time to look at the city like this. The only times I evercame up here to the roof were to watch for a certain airspeeder toarrive or to keep an eye on some particular building or somethinglike that, you know—business for the Emperor."

Speaking about my old life doesn't come as easily as it usedto. I remember the balls, the appearances in court, and theendless missions. I remember hearing Palpatine's call fromanywhere in the galaxy. I remember the pride I felt whenever Iaccomplished one of his tasks. I remember wanting nothing morethan to serve the Empire that I so utterly believed in.

But now that the Emperor's last command has finally beenfulfilled, and I no longer live in his shadow, I feel something

fulfilled, and I no longer live in his shadow, I feel somethingcompletely different—guilt for my past life, and the things I did ashis Hand. Logically, I know that it's pointless to feel this way—thepast is the past, and I can't change what I was—but I still can'tshake the guilty feelings from my mind. I wonder if I will ever beable to do so.

Looking back out at the skyline, I continue. "I don't think he eversaw Coruscant as people and lights—to him it was just power andopportunities."

"That's probably how he saw everything," Luke agrees, with ahint of resentment and sadness in his voice. I can tell he is thinkingabout his father…and maybe even about me.

"And speaking of opportunities…" Luke trails off. I grimace. Iwas right; he's come here to have the talk. I can tell that he's notgoing to leave until he argues his point enough so that I finallyrelent, and I just don't feel like fighting anymore.

Isn't that just the perfect metaphor for these past few months?"Yeah," I reply, "I figured that's why you were here."He's quiet for a few moments, as if he is trying to figure out the

best way to make his argument. I don't attempt to fill the space withidle talk. For once in my life, I feel comfortable with the silence. It isa nice change after five years of hearing that voice inside myhead.

And surprisingly, even knowing what Luke has come to talkabout, I feel comfortable with him standing by my side.

"I was wondering if you've considered formal Jedi training atall," he finally says quietly. "With me."

I glance at him, not at all surprised. All during our trek acrossWayland he kept trying to train me and help me learn to control mypower over the Force. Before then, I never realized just how much

there was to learn about the Force. And while part of me wants tolearn everything that I can and become a Jedi Knight, the otherpart is scared to fail. Scared that I won't live up to Luke'sexpectations.

But Luke believes that I will. He's believed in me since the firsttime he laid eyes on me, when I was pointing a blaster at his face. Iwonder if I will ever understand why he feels the way he does. Whyhe is so willing to forgive.

He looks at me expectantly. I shake my head. "The wholething's ridiculous," I say. "You know it, and I know it."

"No, it's not. What makes you think so?""Please—the Emperor's Hand training as a Jedi with the man

she'd sworn to kill for five years? You can't be so naïve as to thinkthat other people won't have a problem with that. The NewRepublic might not be actively trying to arrest me anymore, but Ihighly doubt they'll appreciate you teaching me all of your tricks."

"But you're not the Emperor's Hand anymore, Mara. Youhaven't been for a long time. And why do you care so much aboutwhat other people think?"

"I don't, but you should," I argue. "It doesn't matter, anyway. It'sa stupid idea."

"Karrde doesn't think so," Luke argues, trying to use myrespect for Karrde as leverage.

"Karrde's an even worse idealist than you are sometimes," Ishoot back. "Seriously, Luke, what do you think the rest of thegalaxy is going to say if you train me as a Jedi?"

"What they say or think doesn't matter. Why do you insist onavoiding something that you're so obviously meant to be?"

"And just how exactly do you know that I'm meant to be aJedi?" I snap. "I was trained to be an assassin. I learned how to

use weapons and connect my mind with the Emperor's and use asmuch of the Force as I needed to succeed in my missions. Butthat's it. If I have so much potential in the Force, why did Palpatinenever train me more than he did?"

"Do you wish he had trained you further?" Luke inquires."No," I answer quickly. I am grateful that I never had the chance

to become another Vader. "But part of me still questions why hedidn't. I just always assumed it was because I wasn't goodenough."

Luke meets my eye. I see a new emotion in his expression—empathy, maybe. Pity. Or maybe just sadness for a friend.

Outside of professional obligations, I have never before beensomeone's friend.

"He didn't train you because of your potential, Mara," heexplains quietly. "He knew that he could control Vader. He couldcontrol most people. But you…I don't think he would have beenable to control you."

I look at him, mouth agape. "Do you forget what I was,Skywalker? He controlled me implicitly, even after his death. Andeven after I really knew you, after I learned that everythingPalpatine had taught me was a lie, I still couldn't shake his control."

"Only because you weren't trained. Do you think that if youknew the full power of the Force, he could have still held that swayover you?"

"Yes," I reply. "Unequivocally, yes. You don't know whatPalpatine was like, Luke."

"Yes, I do. I resisted him.""You weren't raised by him.""My father broke free," he argues."Only after years of service and then seeing you near death.

Trust me, Luke. I couldn't have broken free of his control even if Iwanted to. I wasn't—I'm not—powerful enough to do that. After hedied, it took me so long to move on and become my own person,and even then, at the end, I still gave in."

I know that Luke disagrees with me, and once again wants toargue that I only gave in to the Emperor's last command in order tosave our lives, but he doesn't fight any further. "Either way, I stillthink you should be trained," he says. "The galaxy is changing, andit needs more Jedi." He touches my hand softly. I glance at him,momentarily taken aback by the earnestness of his expression.

"I've decided to start a school for Jedi—a Jedi Academy, ofsorts," he explains. "I've been considering doing so for a while, butwas either too busy trying to help stabilize the New Republic orwas too scared to take on the responsibility of restarting the JediOrder. But now, after facing C'baoth, I know that I have to do this.It's my responsibility. I can only imagine how many more peoplelike you are out there, unaware of their potential in the Force.Imagine what would happen if someone like Thrawn, or Forceforbid another Palpatine, came into power again and there wereno Jedi to stand against them?"

"I don't really want to."Luke stares out at the city below. "Me, neither. So I'm going to

do something about it. Obi-Wan Kenobi told me that I wasn't thelast of the old Jedi, but rather the first of the new. Until he said that,I don't think that I really had faith in my ability to teach others theways of the Force. But if Obi-Wan thought that I could, then that'sgood enough for me. So," he continues, looking back at me andholding my hand in his, "will you come to the school? Will you trainwith me?"

Vaguely, I'm aware of how warm his hand feels against mine.

Again, it is an odd feeling. Nobody has ever held my hand like thisbefore—out of friendship. I still can't get my head around the ideathat Luke Skywalker thinks of me as a friend.

And I consider him a friend, too. Funny, how the universeworks.

Finally, I nod slowly into the setting sun. "I'll think about it," Ireply.

He nods back. "I can't ask for anything more."He's silent again, but I can tell he has more to say. "Was there

something else?" I press, throwing a sideways look at him.He smiles. "See? You're getting good at that.""And just imagine how good I'll get if I do decide to train. So

come on, let's have it.""Here." Reaching into his tunic, he pulls out a lightsaber. It

looks vaguely familiar, but I can't place it."What's this?" I ask, frowning.He places the hilt in my hand. "It's my old lightsaber," Luke tells

me quietly. "The one I lost at Cloud City, and nearly got killed withat Wayland." He holds my gaze for a long moment. "I want you tohave it."

I stare back at him, momentarily unable to speak. Finally, Isputter, "Me? Why?"

He shrugs self-consciously. It seems like such a "Luke" gesturethat I feel like laughing despite the gravity of the situation. "For lotsof reasons," he explains. "Because you've earned it. Because Iwant you to train with me as a Jedi and you'll need it. Mostly,though, because I just want you to have it."

I stare at the lightsaber for a long time. This wasn't just Luke'slightsaber; it was his father's, before he became Vader. Eventhough Luke later built his own weapon, this is still such an

though Luke later built his own weapon, this is still such animportant family heirloom. He should be keeping it. It has to be theonly thing of his late father's that he ever owned.

And he's giving it to me, the Emperor's Hand. The woman whoswore to kill him for so many years.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, I close my hand around the weapon.It fits perfectly in my grasp. "Thank you," I say quietly.

"You're welcome." He smiles at me again. "I can't make youbecome a Jedi, Mara, but I hope that you can at least start torealize the potential you have."

I nod, considering his words, wondering what the future mighthold if I agree to train with him. Thinking about all the wrongs that Ican make right. Maybe then, the guilt will finally start to go away.

"When you've made up your mind, you'll know where to findme." At that, Luke squeezes my hand, and turns and walks awayacross the Palace roof.

I gaze out at the lights of the city again, the cool metal of thelightsaber pressed against my hand. This is probably one of hislast links to the past…and he is giving it away. To me, the personwho can't run away from hers fast enough.

At that moment, I make my decision. The past is the past. Imight as well make the best of the future.

Behind me, I hear the door open. "Hang on a minute," I callafter him. He turns around and smiles at me—a smile that holds allthe promises of hope for the future.

"I'll come with you."

3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2For the past three months, I've been running around like a crazy

person, trying to settle all my affairs with Karrde's organizationbefore committing myself to my Jedi training. Even though I've onlyworked for Karrde for less than a year, I've become his second-in-command in everything but name, and my responsibilities andaccounts are not those that can be easily cast off. I'm lucky,though, as Karrde has been extremely supportive of my training—Ieven suspect that he and Luke collaborated against me in order toconvince me to agree to go to the Academy—but I know that he isstill disappointed to lose me as an employee.

And even though I'm eager to begin a new phase of my life, I'msad to leave as well. I will always be grateful to Karrde for offeringme a job and giving me my first semblance of peace after four anda half years on the run. The time that I spent in his organization hasbeen educational and, dare I say, even fun.

As Karrde hugs me good-bye and sees me off in myheadhunter, I feel like I am not only leaving an employer, but also afriend. Karrde, the consummate professional, never betrays histrue emotions, but reaching out into the Force, I get the sense thathe feels the same way.

Luke invited me to meet him on Coruscant and then travel togetherto the Jedi Academy but I declined, wanting to take some time tomyself to consider the path my life is taking. As my ship travelsthrough hyperspace, I do just that, unable to sleep thanks to thethoughts running through my head.

thoughts running through my head.I never could have imagined that one day I would agree to

formally train as a Jedi. I always thought I knew enough of the waysof the Force, but my time spent with Luke on Wayland made merealize just how much more there was for me to learn. I can't helpbut be excited for the possibilities that lie in front of me.

But I'm also nervous, because I still have the nagging feelingthat I'm going to end up disappointing everyone, especially myself.I wonder if I really have as much potential in the Force as Lukebelieves. During the short time I've known him, I've learned thatLuke is a hopeless optimist and does his best to see the good ineveryone. I wonder if his desire to rebuild the Jedi Order is makinghim overestimate my power in the Force. It figures; I've alwaysbeen supremely confident in my abilities, and yet my fewencounters with Skywalker have been enough to shatter my beliefin myself…and yet at the same time, his belief in me makes mewant to try as hard as I can to live up to his expectations. If nothingelse during my time at the Jedi Academy, I promise myself that Iwill do this. I will do my best to prove to Luke Skywalker that he isright about me. And I will prove to myself that I can be a Jedi.

The Jedi Academy is located on Yavin IV, in the old Rebel Alliancebase. I know why Luke picked this place, and it is a perfectlocation—far away from the distractions of the Core but still closeenough to Coruscant, where Luke can set up headquarters for theJedi Order to interact with the leaders of the New Republic. All thebusiness for the Order will be conducted on Yavin IV while Luke isstill busy growing the Academy, but he eventually intends to havesome Knights stationed on Coruscant to liaise with thegovernment. And even above all the practical reasons, Yavin IV is

a beautiful, if overly muggy, place, perfect for inspiring us toconnect with the Force. Still, I note the irony of Luke Skywalker fullywelcoming me here, when only ten years ago he would have triedto shoot me out of the sky had I attempted to infiltrate the secretRebel base.

I try to ignore my nerves as I maneuver my headhunter into theAcademy's hangar bay. There are several other ships in thehangar, including three X-wings, and I wonder which one is Luke's.I kick myself for not yet being able to recognize his particular ship.

Luke greets me when I arrive and points me in the direction ofmy room before going off to greet the other students. To mysurprise, our quarters are small but adequate, and feel very muchlike home. Even though I spent so many years living in theopulence of the Imperial Palace, I've grown to feel comfortable inmilitary-like quarters, thanks to my time on the run and thenworking for Karrde.

After settling in, washing up, and changing into some cleanclothes, I head to my first official meeting as a Jedi apprentice.Luke doesn't want to begin our time at the Academy with a formalclass, worried about overwhelming us, so instead we meet forintroductions in a small meditation garden outside the GreatTemple.

The main areas of the Academy are all located inside theGreat Temple. The top floor contains a large auditorium, which willbe used for Knighting ceremonies and other public events. Thebottom floor consists of the hangar and several large rooms forlightsaber and other weapons training. The middle floors arewhere the living quarters, classrooms, smaller training rooms, andindoor meditation areas are located.

A small group of students is already gathered in the garden

when I arrive. I'm know who they are but haven't officially met any ofthem yet, so I sit by myself a bit away from the group. The woman,Tyria Sarkin, turns to me and offers an encouraging smile. Oninstinct, all my old barriers begin to rise, but I push them aside,forcing myself to smile back. One of the men sitting near her—Corran Horn, a former Corellian Security officer and member ofRogue Squadron—raises an eyebrow in my direction. I return thegesture, and a thin smile crosses his lips as he turns back to theothers sitting around him. I make a mental note of Horn's reaction;I've been expecting some animosity because of my past,especially from the students with military backgrounds, which, asfate would have it, are where most of the apprentices from thisgroup come. I know that's only coincidental, as Luke has close tiesto the military and mostly everyone he knows once served in theRebel Alliance, and he doesn't feel that he should teach studentshe doesn't already know until he's gotten some experience. Still,it's a little unsettling to know that I once fought so willingly againstmy fellow apprentices, and now I'm forced to trust them with mylife. I know that the Rebellion and New Republic accepted manyImperial defectors with open arms, so I try not to feel toounsettled…but then again, all of those people defected willingly. Ididn't have much of a choice when the second Death Starexploded over Endor.

Over the next few minutes, the other students make their waysinto the garden, and soon we're all sitting on the stone benches,waiting patiently for Luke to arrive. There are ten of us who makeup the first class at the Jedi Academy. Tyria and Corran are bothpilots, as is Keyan Farlander. Kenth Hamner, Kam Solusar, andKyle Katarn are veterans of the New Republic army. Cilghal Tarlia,a Mon Calamari female, is an advisor in the New Republic

Senate, where she first made Luke's acquaintance through hissister's introduction. Kirana Ti Mar is the only woman fromDathomir who responded to Luke's invitation to train. Rounding outthe group is Tionne Dannik, the only apprentice who did not knowLuke previously; while she doesn't seem to be very strong in theForce, she is one of the most knowledgeable historians of the oldJedi Order. Leia Organa Solo would be here as well, finishing upthe training she already started with her brother, but her newborntwins are taking up all of her time. But she is, as Luke put it, anhonorary member of the Jedi Academy.

Just as I'm starting to believe that waiting for Luke is actuallyour first lesson in patience, I sense his presence and turn aroundto see him entering the garden. He keeps his gaze focused in frontof him until he takes a seat on the stone bench facing the rest ofus. Only then does he meet eyes with each of us in turn. Bycoincidence, I am on the furthest right of the group, so he looks atme last…and for just a little bit longer than all of the others, I note.The faintest hint of a smile crosses his lips as he looks away, and Ismile, too.

Luke is dressed in dark Jedi robes. Most of us are wearingutilitarian clothing of some kind—flight suits, tunics and baggypants, and jumpsuits. I wonder how I'll look and feel wearing theofficial clothing of a Jedi. For some reason, I secretly hope thatLuke decides not to keep that old tradition.

Luke crosses his legs casually as he begins to speak.Although he must be feeling somewhat nervous, it doesn't show onhis face. Outwardly, at least, he appears to be the consummateJedi Master.

Master…I've never thought of him that way before. He is mymaster now. Master Skywalker…will I have to call him that? I force

myself not to laugh out loud at the thought.Luke smiles openly as he begins to speak. "Thank you all for

coming. I imagine this all seems just as odd for you as it does forme, so we'll keep this first meeting as informal as possible."Everyone chuckles at his statement, including me, mainly out ofdisbelief that I'm actually here. "You obviously all know who I am,so I'll let you introduce yourselves before discussing my plans forthe Academy."

At that, he nods at Tionne, who sits on the far left of the garden,and she stands, beginning the round of introductions. I focus oneveryone's statements, knowing that what everyone says aboutthemselves will give me a great deal of insight into who they reallyare. Even after so many years, I still cannot stop thinking like a spy.

After Tyria, the closest student to me, sits down, I stand tointroduce myself. Everyone turns purposely towards me, theirexpressions full of rapt attention, and I refuse to let any irritation orannoyance show on my face. I know that Luke has been discreteabout my background, but my past is basically an open secret inthe New Republic. I hope that the other students will at least try toget to know me a bit before judging me, and I make a mental noteto do my best not to scare them off.

Except for Horn…something tells me that I'll have to confronthim directly. I meet his eyes before I begin to speak.

"I'm Mara Jade," I announce. "I met Master Skywalker duringthe campaign against Grand Admiral Thrawn. I've received sometraining in the Force throughout my life, but nothing as serious asthis. I'm very grateful for Master Skywalker's invitation to help merealize my potential and become a Jedi."

My introduction is short, but adequate. I sit back down andstare straight ahead at Luke, instead of the other nine students,

stare straight ahead at Luke, instead of the other nine students,who are still focused intently on me. Luke ignores them as well,seemingly pleased with my introduction, and also extremelyamused at hearing me call him Master Skywalker.

I'm glad that amuses somebody, because I never would haveguessed that one day I'd be addressing Luke Skywalker as mymaster.

"Thank you all," Luke says. "I hope you will all take time atdinner tonight to get to know each other further. Since you're sucha small group of students, I want to take advantage of theopportunity to train together, as well as in pairs and trios. Ofcourse, I'll be working with all of you individually to focus on yourown strengths and weaknesses.

"My goal here is simple: to rebuild the Jedi Order. It will take along time, but I know that once the first group of Jedi Knights istrained, the Order will continue to grow exponentially. I know thatsome of you might not feel comfortable teaching students in thefuture, and you are of course welcome to serve the Order in anyway that you see fit, but any Jedi will always be welcome eitherhere at the Academy or at the Coruscant headquarters.

"We're all adults, so I'm not going to try to force you to follow aset of arbitrary rules during your stay here. To be honest, the Orderis very much a living, breathing entity, and I intend for it to changeas we learn more about the history of the Jedi. But the main tenetswill always be the same: follow the light, listen to the Force aroundyou, and respect all sentient beings.

"All of you are here because I've felt strong potential in theForce within each of you, and believe that you will be verybeneficial in rebuilding the Jedi Order. Again, I thank you foraccepting my invitation to train.

"Now, I invite you to join me inside for dinner. We have astandard military mess, and you are welcome to eat at yourleisure, but I hope that in time you'll feel comfortable eating witheach other as a family."

Luke stands, motioning for all of us to head back inside thetemple. I hang back, allowing the others to walk in front of me, andshare another look with Horn before he walks away with Tyria, whoagain smiles at me encouragingly. I fall into step beside Luke aswe follow the others at a distance.

"That was a very inspiring speech, Master Skywalker," Imurmur with a straight face. I steal a glance at Luke and see hiseyes twinkle with amusement.

"That sounds so odd," he replies, shaking his head."Well, you're the one who wanted to start a Jedi Academy. You

better get used to people calling you Master.""Yeah, I guess I have to," he agrees, laughing softly. "Don't tell

anyone I said that, by the way.""Who, me?" I ask, feigning innocence.He gently shoves my shoulder. "Yes, you. I know how difficult

you like to make things for me.""I do, I really do," I admit, smiling wickedly. "But seriously," I

continue, "I would never do anything to undermine your authorityhere. I'm sincere about my training. If I have to call you Master, Iwill."

He laughs again at my earnestness. "Thanks, Mara. I guess it'sonly prudent that you call me that during training…but when we'realone, please, just call me Luke, okay?"

"Okay," I agree. Then I grin mischievously again. "What aboutSkywalker, can I still call you that?"

"That works, too."

"What about Farmboy?""Don't push it."

During dinner, I converse mainly with Luke, who sits across fromme at the end of the table, and Kam and Tionne, who next to him.To my surprise, I get along very well with Tionne, and Kam seemsto be a dependable enough guy. Tyria sits to my left, and shemakes a few attempts at small talk, but other than that, she spendsher time talking with the other pilots, who boast loudly about theiradventures in the New Republic military.

Tyria and I leave the mess at the same time and make our wayback to our quarters, which happen to be across the hall from eachother. Forcing myself to be friendlier than usual, I offer her my handas we wait for the lift. "Mara. Nice to meet you."

She seems relieved as she shakes my hand. "I'm Tyria.""You're from Rogue Squadron?" I ask, trying to remember what

I read about her in the files Luke transmitted to our datapadsbefore we arrived.

"Wraith," she corrects."That's right. One of Wedge Antilles' brilliant creations.""Yup," she smiles proudly."How long were you in the military?" I ask."A few years. Technically I'm still in the military, but they gave

me a leave of absence to come train. They're all very supportive ofit, especially General Antilles, but I guess that's to be expectedwhen he's such close friends with Master Skywalker."

I laugh. "Yeah, that seems to be how things work with him.""What about you?" she asks as we enter the lift. She palms the

button for our floor."Oh, I'm not from the military…well, not really," I reply, trying not

"Oh, I'm not from the military…well, not really," I reply, trying notto get flustered. "I, um, worked for Talon Karrde's organization forawhile. I met Luke—I mean, Master Skywalker—a few months agoand he thought that I had the potential to be a Jedi, so here I am."

Tyria meets my gaze as the lift travels upward. "Were you reallythe Emperor's Hand?" she asks.

Yes—definitely a Wraith, I think; nobody else would be boldenough to ask me that right off the bat…except for maybe aRogue. I remind myself not to get into a lift alone with Corran Hornany time soon.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes quickly. "That was inappropriate forme to ask."

"No, it's alright," I reassure her. "Yeah, it's true. But that was along time ago. My future is here, with the Jedi Order."

Tyria smiles at me. "I'm glad to hear that."We ride the rest of the way in silence. After we arrive at our

floor, we walk the short distance to our quarters before pausingawkwardly outside our doors.

"Well, it was nice talking to you, Tyria," I say. "Thanks for nottreating me like a pariah," I add, trying to lighten the mood.

"No problem," she replies, shaking my hand again. "Us girlsgotta stick together, you know? Oh, and by the way…" shecontinues, smiling mischievously.

"What?" I ask, my barriers flying back up."Don't let Horn get to you. He can be a bit of an arrogant jerk at

times, but overall he's a good guy."I sigh inwardly; what had I expected her to say? "Thanks for the

advice.""No problem," she says. "Have a good night.""You too," I reply. Then I enter my quarters and begin to laugh

hysterically, the reality of my new life finally sinking in—There's a folded pile of Jedi robes at the foot of my bed, and a

cloak draped over my chair.

4. Chapter 3

A/N: Song for this chapter: Anything But Ordinary, AvrilLavigne

CHAPTER 3Our second day at the Academy starts with palpable

excitement in the air. This is the day when our training reallybegins.

During the morning we have what I call "mental" training—learning about the history of the Jedi, the workings of the Force,and how to use it to the best of our abilities. There is a lot ofmeditating, a lot of reaching out with our minds. To me, this is byfar the most difficult part of becoming a Jedi Knight. I never trainedthis way under the Emperor, and now, under Luke's tutelage, I'mglad that I never did. I have no prior judgments of what using theForce should be like, and I'm able to dedicate myself fully to Luke'steachings. But, even though Luke consistently tells me I have whatit takes to be a great Jedi, I still find it very difficult to connect withthe Force as much as I feel that I should.

The more physical classes are held in the afternoon, and I lookforward to those the most, as that is where I can truly shine. Sincemost of the other apprentices have never used a lightsaber before,Luke plans to dedicate a lot of time to lightsaber training. While Iknow how to handle the weapon better than anyone else here, I stillhave a lot to learn until I'm able to hold my own with Luke.

When the afternoon comes, we all make ourselves at home onthe benches in one of the larger training rooms, waiting withanticipation for our first lightsaber session. Luke arrives shortlyafter the last student, carrying a large satchel over his shoulder. He

walks down the rows, distributing something to each apprentice,but skipping over Corran Horn and me.

As I look at what everyone else holds in their hands, I realizewhy the two of us were skipped over—Luke was handing outtraining lightsabers. Of course, I already have one. Corran comesfrom a Jedi family, so it makes sense that he already has one aswell.

After Luke finishes passing out the hilts, he stands in front ofus. "I know that all of you are looking forward to these classes," hesays, his expression betraying the fact that he's looking forward tothem as much as we are. "As you'll soon find out, learning to use alightsaber can be a very difficult task. Not only do you need to learnto handle the weapon physically, but you also have to learn tocontrol it mentally. There's no point in becoming proficient with alightsaber if you're not using your full potential in the Force whilewielding it."

Even though I know he's not addressing me specifically, I can'thelp but feel a tiny bit of shame at his words. Sure, I'm good with alightsaber, but I've never come anywhere close to my full potentialin the Force while using one.

"For the most part, you'll start out using training remotes,learning to trust your instincts to block the laser bolts. Later, I'll beshowing you different styles of lightsaber combat, and you'll findthat you may prefer certain forms to others. And of course, you'lleventually want to spar with your fellow apprentices—I just ask thatyou do so only when you feel absolutely comfortable handling alightsaber. I don't want anyone losing a hand in one of my classes."

I immediately clasp my hand to my mouth and cough,disguising the laugh that threatens to escape. Luke darts his eyesto mine for a split second and gives me the faintest of smiles,

to mine for a split second and gives me the faintest of smiles,pleased that I found his joke amusing. But I force myself to lookaway and focus, because I don't want people thinking that I'm anidiot or something for laughing at the great Master Skywalkerduring our first lightsaber session.

It becomes very easy to stop laughing as he removes hiscloak, unhooks his lightsaber from his belt, and ignites it in front ofhim. Several training remotes levitate in front of him as he backsup into the middle of the room.

"I know that many of you have never even seen a lightsaber inperson before," he says. "You'll be starting with the basics, ofcourse, but first…I wanted to show you what you can really do witha lightsaber."

Without another word, the training remotes start firing bolts athim, slow at first, and then faster and faster. Luke blocks each ofthem with ease, his actions a blur and not even seeming to exerthimself. My mouth drops open in awe as I watch him move.

I thought I had seen on Wayland what Luke Skywalker could dowith a lightsaber, but this…this is different. Much different.

And suddenly, in the back of my mind, I'm aware of a very newfeeling emerging—admiration. Attraction.

I push it away as soon as I feel it. What the hell is wrong withme? It is absolutely, positively ridiculous. He's my master now, forSith's sake! I tell myself that I only feel this way because I'm in aweof Luke's control over the Force. I want to learn to do what he can.

The little voice inside my head calls me a liar. I tell her to shutup and pay attention.

The remotes finally stop shooting and, after a split second ofsilence, the room erupts into applause. Luke finally seems to takenotice of us watching him and blushes a deep shade of crimson

before immediately composing himself, the consummate JediMaster.

"Thank you," he says, raising his hand at us. "I know that doingsomething of that nature seems very far off right now, but I fullyexpect each of you to be able to use a lightsaber that well whenyou have finished your training.

"Now, as I said, you'll start off using remotes, but fightingagainst living beings, especially Force users, is very different. Youhave to predict their movements as well as ensure that they cannotpredict your own. But once you become more attuned to theForce, it sometimes becomes even easier to fight against theliving."

His eyes twinkle ever so slightly, and he suddenly looksincredibly young, like a boy again. "And with that, I'd like to ask fora volunteer to join me for a little practice."

The room turns silent as we realize that Luke is asking forsomeone to spar with him. Everyone looks unconvinced; asking agroup of new Jedi apprentices to spar with Luke Skywalker is likeasking them to walk into the nexu's den. I spare a glance atCorran, also holding his own lightsaber, but he seems no morewilling to get his butt kicked by Luke than anyone else in the room.

Not wanting my friend to get frustrated by a lack of enthusiasmon his first day of lessons, I take a deep breath and stand. "I'll doit," I volunteer.

Everyone looks at me in shock, but I ignore the others as Iremove my cloak and walk to the center of the room. Luke grins atme, as if he was hoping that I would be the one to volunteer.

We face each other and bow, which he explains is the properetiquette for sparring. Then he whispers, only loud enough for meto hear, "Your goal is to disarm me. Do it in any way you deem

necessary—without removing any limbs, of course."I nod and ignite my lightsaber, suddenly feeling nervous, and

he follows suit. "Oh, and Mara?" he adds. A hint of a mischievoussmile crosses his lips. "Don't hold back."

I don't feel nervous anymore. "If you insist," I reply, returning hissmile tenfold. And then I strike.

There is no way that I could ever hold a candle to Luke in aregular duel, but to my amazement, I find it very easy to spar withhim. He is holding back, despite his warning for me not to, but thatdoesn't bother me. I concentrate only disarming him. I am able topredict his moves and block each of his blows with ease, but everytime I figure out ways to get an advantage on him, he manages tostop me. Instead of growing frustrated, as I would have onlymonths ago, I reach out into the Force and let it guide the weaponin my hands, and it is amazing just how right it feels to be fightingthis way. I've always been an excellent fighter, and have alwaysbeen able to predict the moves of an opponent using logic andinstinct, but this is different. It's like I was born to do this.

After several long minutes, it is clear that I am never going tobe able to disarm Luke using any of my previous strategies, butthen I remember his words: Do it in any way you deem necessary.He knows that I'm an expert in hand-to-hand combat. And he toldme not to hold back.

If he insists…In an instant, I stick my leg out between his and make a wide

sweeping motion. Luke stumbles before catching himself, but thatone faltering moment is all I need. In a short second I body checkhim and then, using all of my strength, I knock his head back andforce the lightsaber out of his hands with my elbow.

I stand there in silence, breathing heavily, staring at Luke's

now-empty hand in utter disbelief. Slowly I look back up at his face,almost scared to do so, but instead of being angry or upset atlosing, he is grinning at me with such overwhelming pride.

And then a very distinct shiver goes down my spine, and as alook of attraction flashes across his eyes, I realize that he has feltthe same thing. Swallowing, I bow to him before turning andhurrying back to the other apprentices, who are now staring at mein awe. I ignore them, trying hard not to concentrate on theunmistakable feeling that is welling up inside me, that will not letme push it away.

I sigh, kicking myself internally, knowing that my Jedi traininghas just gotten a lot more complicated.

The first week of classes flies by so fast that I can hardlybelieve when our first official day off arrives. Our schedule has ustraining for six full days, then one day off, and then the cycle startsall over again. Frankly, I'm glad that we have so little time toourselves, because there's nothing else to do on Yavin IV exceptget to know everyone else…and try not to dwell about whathappened during the first lightsaber class, and the inappropriatethoughts that keep popping into my head at the most inopportunemoments, such as when Luke is guiding me through very importantmeditation sessions.

To keep my mind occupied on other matters, I do my best toget to know my fellow students. Ordinarily, I'm not the mostsociable of people, but since I'm not in a normal situation anymore,I might as well try to change my ways. And it goes well, thanks toTyria, who introduces me to the military guys, and Luke, who,despite all his best efforts not to let it show, definitely favors me

over the other apprentices. I guess everyone thinks that if he likesme so much, I can't be that bad of a person.

But despite my efforts to be overly friendly, I still haven't had thechance to talk to Corran Horn one-on-one, so when I enter themess just after sunrise on our first day off and find him eating byhimself, I grimace. He's already noticed me so I can't leave, and itwould be petty of me to sit at another table. So instead I suck it upand walk over to him after picking up some food.

"Mind if I join you?" I ask, unwrapping a ration bar. Eventually,when more apprentices arrive, the Academy will have a cook onstaff, but for now we're stuck fending for ourselves—and since weall have so little time, we only make the effort to prepare real mealsfor dinner.

Corran looks up from his unappetizing meal of instant hotcereal. "Go ahead," he replies in a blank voice, gesturing to theseat across from him. I sit down and take a bite out of my rationbar. We eat in silence for a minute, the awkwardness growingbetween us.

"You should eat this," Corran says, breaking the ice.I take a pointed look at his meal and crinkle my nose. "No,

thanks. I'll stick to these," I reply, holding up my ration bar."This stuff has more nutrients," he answers between bites."It does?" I ask curiously. I enjoy nice meals like everyone else,

but I've lived in these kinds of conditions so often that I know theimportance of thinking about food not in terms of taste, but as fuel.It's nice to hear that other people think the same way.

Corran nods. "Yeah. It tastes like crap, but so do those. Andwith the way Master Skywalker's been kicking my butt, I need allthe help I can get."

I crack the faintest of smiles at his joke. While his tone is light,

Corran is definitely not the type of person who enjoys beingbeaten, even by a Jedi Master. During our training classes, I couldsense Corran's frustrations grow whenever Luke got the best ofhim, which just so happened to be every time. All of us are gettingour butts kicked, including me, and I wouldn't expect anything lessfrom Luke. It's the only way for us to learn. But obviously CorranHorn isn't used to losing.

"Those classes are tough," I admit, grateful that Corran hasn'tshown any animosity towards me…yet. Maybe I misjudged himafter all.

"Are you kidding? I thought CorSec training was bad, but thisis a hundred times worse. Of course, you're the best in the classso you probably can't relate…not that that's surprising or anything,considering your background."

He meets my gaze at his last remark, and I feel my expressioncool, all my old defenses at the ready. I narrow my eyes at him, butforce myself to remain civil. "Oh?" I reply.

To his credit, Corran doesn't back down from his assertion."I'm sure the Emperor taught you a lot of this stuff already."

I look down at my ration bar and start picking at it angrily. I hatethe fact that everyone presumes to know everything about my past.I know that I can't hide where I come from. It's a part of who I am,as much as I hate it. But having people assume what I do or don'tknow is bothersome, especially if they think that Palpatine taughtme everything himself—they probably think I was some sort ofSith, which couldn't be further from the truth.

After a few moments, I meet Corran's eye again. If I'm going tobe a Jedi, I have to learn to be honest. "Actually, he didn't reallyteach me much about the Force," I explain. "I learned mostlyphysical stuff. So I guess you're right, those classes don't trouble

me much, although I definitely have a lot to learn. It's all the mentaltraining that really gets to me." To my surprise, it doesn't feel weirdto confide in Corran, someone I barely know and who obviouslyholds no affection for me. "You seem to be doing well in thoseclasses," I add.

He shrugs proudly. "I have my strengths, and that's one ofthem."

"One of many?" I joke.He finally smiles at my jab at him. "I see that my reputation

precedes me.""Well, you are a Rogue. You guys are pretty easy to

stereotype."He laughs and nods in agreement. "All except for the guy who

started the squadron.""Yeah, Luke—I mean, Master Skywalker—could definitely do

some good in taking lessons in arrogance from the rest of you.""Ah, but then he wouldn't be the Master Skywalker that we all

know and love.""That's true," I agree, trying not to dwell on his last word. We fall

into silence again to finish our breakfasts. Once Corran puts downhis spoon, he reaches his hand across the table. I stare at it for amoment, and then hesitantly reach out to accept his handshake.

"Sorry for being a jerk," he says. "Master Skywalker invited youhere, and I trust his judgment."

"Not a problem," I reply. I note that he's not apologizing forthinking badly about me, only for acting on it. But I guess that'sgood enough for now. After all, it's still hard for me to come toterms with what I was—why should it be easy for others?

As the weeks go on, the physical training classes becomeeasier and easier, while my mental exercises become more andmore difficult. I'm definitely gaining a keener sense of the Force,and can perform all the major skills with ease—includingtelekinesis, which I rub in Corran's face as much as possible. But Idon't feel a true connection with the Force the way I feel that Ishould. Something's holding me back, and it's frustrating. Lukeknows that I feel this way, but I haven't felt comfortable bringing itup during our private lessons. Instead, I always request to sparwith him, because I know that's what I'm good at, and keeping mymind active is the best way to forget that damn shiver that keepsgoing down my spine whenever he smiles at me. I keep tellingmyself that I only have these feelings because I admire him as aJedi—maybe a physical attraction at best. I've never had aproblem ignoring my feelings in the past, so that's what I do…or atleast, that's what I try to do.

After that first sparring session, I kept using my hand-to-handcombat skills as an advantage, but Luke quickly learned how touse my own tricks against me. For today's session, Luke finallyasked if we could forget the lightsabers altogether and fightcompletely unarmed. I balked at first, wanting to get as muchlightsaber training with him as possible…but then the thought offlooring Luke Skywalker came to my mind and there was no waythat I could possibly say no.

We're in one of the smaller training rooms, fighting hard, neverinflicting any serious injuries, but doing enough damage to make ithurt. To my surprise, Luke is very skilled at this type of combat. Iexpected flooring him to be easy, but either he's been practicing inhis nonexistent spare time or the Force really is by his side.Instead of growing frustrated, I reach out with my senses as much

as possible, blocking Luke's moves and trying to keep him frompredicting mine, just as if we were using lightsabers.

My confusing feelings for him never surface while we arefighting. All my old assassin instincts come out in full force, and Iconcentrate only on flooring him, something I swore to do as soonas we bowed to each other.

But suddenly, out of nowhere, he sweeps my legs out fromunder me and dumps me unceremoniously on my back. Before Ican jump back up he's on top of me, pinning my arms above myhead, keeping me from moving even an inch.

I scowl at him, angry with myself for letting him best me at myown game…and then, staring into his eyes, motionless beneathhim, that damn shiver again goes down my spine and I have toforce my eyes shut against it.

Luke grows tense on top of me, but doesn't move. After longseconds I open my eyes again, and he's still staring intently at me.Not knowing what else to do, I do what I do best.

"So. You want to get off me, or were you just gettingcomfortable?" I know that my wisecrack is dripping with doubleentendre, but it serves its purpose; Luke smiles sheepishly andquickly pushes himself off me. He extends his hand to help me upbut I'm already on my feet.

"Nice moves," I compliment him. "You been taking lessons inyour spare time?"

He has the courtesy to blush a bit. "No, just lucky."I raise my eyebrows. "I thought there was no such thing as

luck?""Touché," he offers. "Care for another round?""No, thanks," I answer, rubbing my back, feigning pain. I'm

more than able to stand a few more hours sparring with him, but all

I want right now is to get far away from him—and my stupid,confusing emotions—as quickly as possible. I extend my hand andhe accepts it. "Good-bye, Master Skywalker," I say formally.

"Good-bye, Mara," he replies softly, almost lovingly…and then,before I can move away, his thumb moves infinitesimally againstthe side of my hand, just enough for me to really take notice of thefeel of his skin against mine. I look back into his eyes, andsuddenly I know, with complete and utter clarity, that this is waymore than just innocent admiration or even a simple physicalattraction.

This is a problem.I hurry away, cursing myself all the way back to my quarters,

wondering how in the galaxy I ever got to a place where I'd betraining as a Jedi apprentice…and at the same time falling headover heels for the man I'd once sworn to kill…who is now mymaster.

5. Chapter 4

A/N: Song for this chapter: Everything, Alanis MorissetteCHAPTER 4Thanks to Tionne's painstaking work over the past two months,

the Academy has compiled a pretty decent history of the old JediOrder. Palpatine, of course, destroyed all readily availableinformation, but since the Academy opened, many citizens of theNew Republic have come forward with information about the Jedi.And even though the Jedi Temple was ransacked at the end of theClone Wars, Luke has somehow been able to find some old Jeditextbooks and journals, which offer even more insight into how torebuild the Order.

As he stated on our first day at the Academy, Luke believesthat we should all have an equal say in the new Jedi Order. A JediCouncil of twelve members governed the old Order, and eventhough Luke doesn't want to reinstate that old tradition until thereare many Jedi Knights in our ranks, he still wants us to discuss asa group any decisions that will affect the Academy and the Orderas a whole.

From what we've discovered during our research, the old JediOrder had many rules and restrictions. Children were brought tothe Jedi Temple at an early age, and the Jedi were not allowed toform attachments. However, there were some sects of Jedi thatdidn't follow the rules set by the Jedi Council on Coruscant—Corellian Jedi being one of them.

Once Tionne began compiling her library, Luke began todevote many classes to reading through the history and asking forour opinions. Today, Luke is reading a passage from an ancient

Jedi textbook that he found right before he started the Academy—he won't say exactly where he got his hands on it—that he's justbegan to study. The subject of the passage in question is theattachment code; specifically, why forming attachments can bevery dangerous for a Jedi. I follow the passage with great interest,and as Luke finishes, he closes the book, leaning back in his seat.

"Any opinions?" he asks, glancing to each of us. During thesediscussions he has us sit in a circle like the old Jedi Council, as hesays that he doesn't deem his opinion to be any better than therest of ours.

Corran, of course, is the first one to speak. "If you'll excuse mylanguage, Master Skywalker, I think it's a bunch of crap."

Luke nods at him, smiling slightly. "I expected you'd think asmuch. Continue, please."

"Obviously my family didn't follow the same rules—they wereopenly married, and nothing bad came out of it."

"You did," Tyria teases, and everyone laughs, even Luke.Corran gives her a rude gesture before continuing. "Expecting

the Jedi to not have attachments…it's not realistic. We're notgods. We're normal beings with flaws. And if you'll excuse theoverly sappy statement and promise never to tell any of the otherRogues that I said this—love is the best thing in the universe. Mywife is what keeps me grounded. To expect us not to experiencethat is unrealistic."

I nod my head along with the other students, who are obviouslyall in agreement with Corran. It's a silly idea anyway; we're alladults, and it would be impossible to ask us to suddenly changeour ways of thinking. Corran is married, Tyria and others are inrelationships with people outside the Order, and everyone knowsthat Kam and Tionne have started to grow fond of each other. And

that Kam and Tionne have started to grow fond of each other. Andthere's no need to mention my troublesome feelings for Luke thatjust refuse to go away. As much as I hate those feelings, I'm alsoglad for them, because they're a part of what makes me human.

Luke raises his hand before anyone else can begin to protest."First, I want to say that I am in no way considering this as a rulefor the Order. Mainly, I'm interested in why the Jedi Council instilledthis rule. They obviously thought it was important. During mytraining, Master Yoda instructed me not to let feelings for myfriends get in the way of my becoming a Jedi. I didn't listen to him,and rushed into a trap that nearly cost me my life. I often wonderwhat would have happened if I had listened to him."

"They'd be dead," I announce without even thinking. Luke turnsto me, as do all the others. I meet his gaze, unflinching, and I sensethat he is wondering exactly how involved I was in that trap onBespin. Fortunately, for both of us, that was all Vader's doing, and Iknew nothing of it. "Vader would have killed them," I continue.

"Possibly," Luke says."No, not possibly," I argue. "He would have killed them. You did

the right thing by going there."Luke obviously disagrees with me, but he doesn't continue to

argue in front of the others. Instead he turns to them and asks,"Anyone else care to share an opinion?"

Tyria raises her hand. "I have to agree with Corran and Mara,Master Skywalker. I view my attachments as a Jedi the same way Ido my attachments as a starfighter pilot. I was allowed to enter intoa relationship with a squadron mate, but I would never put his life infront of the well being of the squadron as a whole. I would havesacrificed him if it meant that we'd be able to accomplish amission, and I'd feel the same way while serving as a Jedi Knight."

I nod in agreement, as does everyone else in the room,including Luke himself. "That's very well put, Tyria. Most of uscome from a military background, so it's easy for us to understandthis mindset. But I wonder how well the civilian students will acceptit when they arrive."

"They'll just have to learn that if they want to become a Jedi,that's the way things work," Corran says. "Personally, I think thatmindset is a lot easier to accept than telling people they can't haveany attachments at all, and certainly much better than takingchildren away from their parents when they are very young."

As Corran finishes speaking, Luke glances in my direction.Corran has hit a sore spot; the Emperor took me from my parentswhen I was a very young girl. I don't even remember my family. Ihate to think that the old Jedi Order worked that way.

After a few moments, Luke begins speaking again. "I agree,Corran. Thank you all for discussing this with me. You're free togo."

At that, everyone gets up to leave and I follow them blindly,walking with Corran and Tyria and thinking about Luke's words. Infront of us, he agreed with Corran's argument, and I know thatLuke would never dare to instill a rule saying that the new JediKnights could not have attachments.

But even so, I have a very distinct feeling that Luke does notshare the same opinion for himself; that this new information hasgreatly changed how he thinks about his position as the JediMaster. He feels that he has to live up to higher standards. Hedoesn't think he should dedicate himself to anything other thanbeing the leader of the Jedi Order.

And that thought, despite all my reservations about us everbeing anything other than master and apprentice, makes my heart

sink.

I spend our next free evening in the meditation garden wherewe had our first meeting as students of the Jedi Academy. It hasbecome my favorite retreat. It is quiet and rarely used, the otherstudents preferring to stay inside and avoid the humidity, and thestars shine brilliantly overhead. I lie on the ground, feeling theForce flow over me. Within nature, I feel much more in tune with theForce, but I know that I still haven't reached my full potential. Myphysical skills are superior, and I can perform every Force powerLuke has taught us with great ease, but there's still somethingholding me back. And, like the stupid woman that I am, I refuse tobroach the topic with Luke, because I have enough problems withhim at the moment.

Despite all my internal struggles, my feelings for him refuse togo away. They've gotten even worse since the discussion onattachments several days ago. I know that I need to push myfeelings for him aside, because even if Luke did feel the sameway about me, he holds himself up to a higher standard and won'tallow himself to form attachments.

Maybe that's a good thing, I think. If he won't allow himself tocare, then whatever's going on inside my head won't become anissue after all. It's a moot point. I'm free to continue on my path tobecoming a Jedi with Luke as my master, and he's free tocontinue to rebuild the Jedi Order and once again be the savior ofthe galaxy.

But I still can't help but feel sad, knowing that what I feel for himis so real. It's something I've never experienced before in my life.Why does it have to be him?

As if my thoughts will him into existence, I feel his presence at

As if my thoughts will him into existence, I feel his presence atthe entrance to the garden. He stops as he senses me, and heslowly walks around the stone benches until he spots me lying onthe ground. Wordlessly, without invitation, he lies down next to me.

"So you like it out here, too," he says after long moments.I nod my head into the darkness. "It's peaceful out here.""I think so, too. Reminds me of back home on Tatooine."I give him a funny look. "Tatooine couldn't be more different

than Yavin IV.""Not in feelings," he says. "It feels the same. It feels like home.""What's that like?" I ask. It's a silly question, but I've never

known the answer."Home?"I nod again.He doesn't want to make me yearn for what I never had, but he

answers anyway: "It's nice." He doesn't have to clarify hisstatement. I know exactly what he means.

We're quiet for several minutes, content to watch the stars insilence, but I know that he has searched me out for a reason.Eventually, he speaks again.

"I know you're upset."I glance at him and smile thinly. "And here I thought I was doing

a good job at shielding my emotions.""You are; I'm just better at reading them."I turn away, feeling shy, realizing that all my feelings for him are

an open book. The idea makes me extremely embarrassed…butthen again, knowing exactly how I feel about him, he is still hereright now, lying next to me. And he is not laughing.

In fact, when I reach into the Force and allow myself to sensethe emotions whirling around him, it is completely obvious that he

feels exactly the same way about me.Which, of course, I somehow knew all along…for isn't that the

reason I'm so upset about his beliefs on the attachment code—because I realize what might have been?

I wonder if I should be honest or continue to hide my feelings,like I so often do. I opt for honesty. "I just don't think that you shouldhave to hold yourself up to some unrealistic standard, that's all."

He sighs deeply. "I know you don't understand, but this issomething I've struggled with for a long time, since I first began mytraining and Master Yoda told me that a Jedi shouldn't haveattachments. Seeing it written down on paper has made merealize that there must have been a very good reason for the Orderto have that rule."

"Good enough for you, but not good enough for the rest of us?""It's different with me.""Why, because you're in charge?""Yes," he replies, looking uncomfortable. "Everyone is

watching me—all of you; all of the New Republic; even the Empire.Everyone is talking about what I do here, and how I'm going torebuild the Jedi Order that my father helped destroy. It's a burdennobody should ever have to carry, but I will gladly hold onto it if itmeans that the Jedi Order will thrive again someday."

I pause for a moment, thinking of how to best respond to him.Again, I opt for honesty. "Even at the extent of your ownhappiness?"

He turns to me with sadness in his eyes, as if he finally realizesexactly what he is asking himself to miss out on. I look away beforehe can say anything.

"Your parents fell in love," I point out, staring across the vastdistances into the stars.

"They weren't supposed to," he counters. "From theinformation I've gathered, they kept it a secret from everybody untilmy sister and I were born, and even then only a few people knewabout their relationship. By that time he'd already turned to thedark side. And I have a pretty good idea as to why that happened."

I stare back at him through the darkness, unable to believewhat I am hearing—that he believes Anakin Skywalker turned tothe dark side because of love. "You can't be serious."

"I am," he answers quietly. "I found out some information—don't ask me how, I don't want to talk about it. But I learnedthings…I learned why my father turned. He wanted to save mymother from dying. And I have a pretty good guess as to whooffered to help him do that."

Bile rises up in my throat, and I can't bring myself to say hisname.

"Anyway, learning all that made me remember when I leftDagobah to save Han and Leia on Cloud City. Yoda and Obi-Wanwere adamant that I stay and complete my training. I didn't listen tothem and I almost got killed—or worse. I know what you'll say—thatI did the right thing and they would have died if I hadn't tried to savethem—but nobody knows that for sure.

"The point is, I never really understood why they were sopanicked about me leaving in order to save people I cared about—people I loved. I couldn't understand how such a sense ofcompassion could ever be a bad thing. Now, I realize that they sawin me exactly what they saw in my father, and that is what scaredthem the most. They were worried that Palpatine would use mycompassion against me as well, and I'd become just like Vader."

I sense the truth in his words, his absolute conviction that hefeels that he is right. But I still do not agree, and I try my best to

make him see that he is wrong."It's ridiculous, Luke. You're not your father. Regardless of his

reasons for turning to the dark side, he had a lust for power thatyou could never have. Trust me, I knew him, and I know you. Youare nothing like him."

Even through the black of night, I see the doubt in his eyes."They all said that I am."

"Maybe superficially, but deep inside? I don't think so.""I don't know…""Do you honestly believe that you'll follow in your father's

footsteps if you allow yourself to have attachments? What aboutHan and Leia? You care for them and you're doing fine as a JediMaster. And wasn't his love for you what ultimately brought Vaderback to the light side?"

"I know," he whispers, sounding unconvinced."You're not your father, Luke," I repeat, willing him to see the

truth in my words. "You beat the dark side years ago. Why do youinsist on making it a constant struggle for yourself?"

He doesn't respond, so I sigh, shifting my arm to push myselfup, but before I can, he reaches out to stop me. "Please stay."

Against my better judgment I relent, lying back down on theground, but his hand remains on my arm. After a few moments, histhumb starts to move softly against my skin, and despiteeverything that has just passed between us, that damn shiver onceagain goes down my spine.

It's quiet for a long time. Finally, he says so softly that I canhardly hear him, "I'm sorry."

It's such a simple statement, but it holds so much meaning,which I can sense through the Force: His feelings for me are asstrong as mine are for him, but he feels that he cannot allow

himself to care, because he is the leader of the Jedi Order.Before I can respond, he asks me a question: "Will you ever be

able to forgive yourself, Mara?"I open my mouth to answer…but then I realize that he didn't ask

if I could forgive him. He asked if I would ever be able to forgivemyself. And I suddenly understand exactly what he's asking—if Iwill ever be able to conquer my guilt, and forgive myself for mypast as the Emperor's Hand, and truly become the Jedi that I'mmeant to be.

And in that moment, I wonder if Luke Skywalker can see moreof me than I ever will.

6. Chapter 5

A/N: Song for this chapter: The Kiss, Trevor Jones, The Lastof the Mohicans soundtrack

CHAPTER 5The first three months of Jedi training have been the most

enlightening, exhilarating, and confusing months of my life. I havegained so much knowledge about the workings of the Force that Icannot even comprehend how I was able to live beforehand. Everyday, I learn something new; have an epiphany that brings me onestep closer to becoming a Jedi.

Using a lightsaber comes easier than I could have everimagined, and the weapon has almost become an extension ofmyself. Even if the Jedi weren't supposed to wear the weapon asa part of their everyday attire, I would anyway; I can't imagine beingwithout it anymore. The other physical aspects of training alsocome naturally to me. I've become the de facto instructor for hand-to-hand combat, and my favorite weekly classes are stealthtraining with Tyria and weapons training with Kirana Ti.

But even with all my newfound knowledge of the Force, its fullpower continues to lie just beyond my grasp. No matter how much Itry, I am unable to realize my full potential in the Force. And, thanksto Luke's question that one night in the meditation garden, I amfinally able to recognize what is holding me back.

I truly don't forgive myself for being the Emperor's Hand.But despite my unease at what I once was, the Emperor's

Hand is still a major part of my personality, so while I know that Iwill never be able to realize my full potential until I can learn toforgive myself, I continue to avoid facing my past, and instead dive

headfirst into my Jedi training.Of course, that would be a lot easier said than done, if it wasn't

for a certain pair of blue eyes that continue to make me weakwhenever they stare straight into my soul, seeing every single partof me.

And even though I can't get over my guilt for being theEmperor's Hand, I can't help but desperately wish that the girl whonever let herself be betrayed by her emotions was still around.

I wake up slowly, vaguely aware in the back of my mind thattoday is somehow different, but not able to figure out why.Frowning, I mentally run through the week's schedule, wonderingwhat I have forgotten. The first group of new apprentices is comingto the Academy later in the week, but I'm not scheduled to helpprep for their arrival until tomorrow. The feeling continues to plagueme as I get dressed, but it's not until I look at the schedule on mydatapad that I realize why.

According to Imperial records, today is my twenty-seventhbirthday.

I can never be certain if today is my actual birthday or just adate that was marked down as a placeholder on my file to keeptrack of my age. It was never important; I certainly never celebratedmy birthday while in service to the Empire. Somehow, I don't thinkthat the Emperor would have been too keen on holding atraditional children's birthday party with cake and presents andparty games deep within the Imperial Palace, and after he wasdead I never had anyone to celebrate with even if I had wanted to. Ididn't have a birthday during the time I worked for Karrde, so Inever had the chance to celebrate with his group.

I haven't told anyone at the Academy what today is, and I don'tplan to. None of the other apprentices have had a birthday yet, so Idon't even know if this is something that would be celebrated ornot. Either way, I prefer not to make a big deal out of it, so I keepmy mouth shut.

This day also happens to be one of my days for a privatelesson with Luke. Lately, he's been forcing me to focus on mentaltraining, since that is the area where I'm most lacking. I grudginglyfollow his teachings, because he knows best, but it's so frustratingwhenever he takes my hand and a surge of electricity goesthrough my body; it's not the best way to remain a calm and sereneJedi apprentice. And even more frustrating is the knowledge thatI'm not reaching my full potential, and his constant insistence that Iface my past.

Our training session is the last scheduled class of the day. Iarrive at our designated room well beforehand, as always, andwait for him outside on one of the benches. Luke arrives shortlyafter I do and opens the door, gesturing for me to go inside aheadof him.

I take a seat on one of the circular couches. The rooms herewere modeled after the meditation rooms in the old Jedi Temple.They are very soothing—but of course, that is the point.

"Is there anything specific you'd like to work on, Mara?" Lukeasks, as he always starts our meditation sessions.

And as always, I shake my head in reply."Nothing at all?" It's the same dance every time—him pushing,

me closing myself off. I'm surprised he hasn't snapped yet andlectured me that my attitude is not appropriate for a Jedi. But ofcourse he doesn't, because he is the consummate Jedi Master,always in control of his emotions.

"Okay, then," Luke finally relents, settling into a cross-leggedposition on the couch across from me and taking my hands.

For the next hour I fall into a deep trance, focusing on theForce, its energy flowing into my body, and my connection to theuniverse around me. I can sense Luke inside my mind, guiding mythoughts, and while I always snapped at him before to get out ofmy head, I can't deny that his presence helps me achieve a feelingof inner calm. Still, a wall exists at the back of my mind, and nomatter how often Luke tries to guide me towards it and knock itdown, I refuse and pull away, heading in other directions.

Time passes quickly and soon, before I even realize it, Luke'schrono beeps, signaling the end of our session. He pulls me out ofthe trance slowly, and my breathing quickens as I force myselfback into the present.

I open my eyes and find him staring intently at me. "How do youfeel?" he asks.

"Really good," I admit, pulling my hands away from him, and Ialmost imagine a look of disappointment on his face at our lostcontact.

He nods. "That was a very good session, Mara. You're growingstronger in the Force every day."

I'm grateful for his praise, but he is obviously holding somethingback—I should know. "But?"

"But what?""Come on, Master. I warned you that if I trained as a Jedi, I'd

get even better at that. So come on, spill it."Sighing, he answers, "Unless you face the issues that are

bothering you, you'll never realize your full potential in the Force.""And just what issues are those?" I ask, my voice clipped,

refusing to admit that I know exactly what he is talking about.

A look of disappointment passes over his eyes. "You're theonly person who can answer that question."

I grow annoyed at his prodding; just seconds ago I'd beenfeeling wonderful, satisfied because this had been my bestmeditation session yet, and now I feel like poodoo because Lukesays I have issues. It's irrelevant that he's correct; I'm mad that hekeeps pushing me to face my past when I don't feel ready.

I push myself up quickly and shake his hand. "Thank you,Master Skywalker," I say curtly. "I'll be heading to dinner now." Iturn on my heel and leave the room before he can utter a word ofprotest, very glad that I have plans to eat with Corran and Tyria,because I desperately need a distraction. As I enter the hallway Ihear Luke whisper something into his comlink about me being onmy way, but I ignore it, too annoyed to think.

I huff my way towards the mess, mad at Luke for pulling me outof my good mood, and mad at myself for letting him get to me. Ishould know better than to let my temper flare, especially here.

I'm so irritated that, when I enter the mess, it takes me a fewseconds to notice the new decorations. A cake sits on the largeround table in the middle of the room. Smaller tables full of foodand party games are set up near the kitchen. Balloons and a signreading "Happy Birthday, Mara!" are tacked up on the wall.

I stop dead in my tracks, unable to comprehend what I amseeing, and then everyone jumps out from the kitchen and yells,"Surprise!"

I jump, clutching my hand to my heart, and then…I laugh.The other nine apprentices are wearing party hats and beads

around their necks. Corran holds a sash that reads "Birthday Girl!"and Tyria clutches a sparkly tiara. Their smiles are ridiculous.

"Happy Birthday!" Tyria yells, rushing over to me and placing

the tiara on my head. She takes out my ponytail and lets my hairflow freely, and Corran drapes the sash over my shoulders. I lookdown, trying to see how silly I look, but not caring one bit.

Then I sense Luke coming in the mess behind me. I turnaround, my trademark glare plastered across my face, and heshrugs sheepishly at me. "Hope you're not mad," he says, smilingdespite his very real fear that I will lash out at him for spilling mysecret.

But there's no way that I can be angry with him for this. This…ismore than anyone has ever done for me in my entire life.

After a few moments of shocked silence, I ask, "How'd youknow?"

"I do have your file," he points out. "You just so happen to havethe first birthday of the group, and with the new apprenticescoming in a few days, I thought it appropriate that we all gettogether and celebrate. And…well…I thought you could use aparty."

Translation: You never had one of these as a kid, and youdeserve one.

It's like he can read my mind.Abruptly, I lunge towards him and pull him into a warm, sincere

hug. He tenses at first, obviously surprised by my reaction, but thenI feel him start to melt against me. "Thank you," I whisper into hisear, the words unable to explain exactly how grateful I feel at thismoment.

Before we can linger too long, Tyria pulls me away. "We havefood, Mara—real food! And Kenth, Kyle, and Keyan made you acake!"

I burst out laughing at the thought of the three macho militaryveterans slaving over a cake. Kyle feigns offense, but I slap him

veterans slaving over a cake. Kyle feigns offense, but I slap himplayfully. "This had better be a good cake! I haven't had cake inages!"

"Oh, don't worry, it'll be good!" he promises."And of course we have booze!" Tyria adds, gesturing to the

supply of Whyren's Reserve. "Hope you like Whyren's!" sheexclaims, and I can tell she's already had a shot or two of the stuffherself.

I shrug as I take a seat at the table. "Hey, I could go for any kindof liquor right now," I joke, and Luke makes a guilty face as he sitsdown next to me.

"Is my training that hard?" he asks, acting hurt."Yes!" we all exclaim in unison, and then someone throws a hat

at him. "It's a party, Master Skywalker, you gotta wear the hat,"Corran instructs, obviously getting way too much pleasure out ofthis.

"Fine, I'll wear the hat," Luke agrees as he puts it on, gaininglaughs from everyone, "but only if you call me Luke tonight. Lukewears party hats; Master Skywalker does not."

"My, that's a rather fetching look for you, Luke," I tease, assomeone hands me my first glass of Whyren's, that I down in onegulp.

"Easy, Birthday Girl!" Corran yells, pulling the glass from mygrip. "You can't get drunk until after we give you your present."

"You got me a present?" I gasp. Nobody has ever gotten me apresent that didn't involve work or a mission.

"It wouldn't be a party without a present," Tyria says as shehands over a box. "This is from all of us."

Slowly, I tear off the paper, savoring every moment. Tearsthreaten to sting my eyes as I think about all the wasted years of

my life, but I push those thoughts aside, focusing instead on my giftand the people who truly care about me, no matter what my pastmay be.

My breath catches in my throat as I finish opening the gift.Inside the box is a holdout blaster. It is a newer model than the oneI currently own, and much nicer and more expensive. I know; I'vebeen drooling over it for months. My eyes widen as I remove itfrom its case. "Oh my," I murmur, unable to keep the awe out of myvoice. "This is amazing."

"We thought you'd like it," Corran says. "We heard that you liketo carry one, and that you might be looking for an upgrade, so weall chipped in. Just promise us you'll never shoot us with it, nomatter how mad at us you may get."

I laugh, turning the blaster over and over in my hands, unable tobelieve that they would do this for me.

Suddenly, I am very aware of where the others got the idea forthis gift. I turn to Luke ever so slightly, and he is looking at me withan odd expression on his face. Under the table, away from theprying eyes of the others, I give his hand a squeeze. "Thank youall," I tell them. "This is absolutely perfect."

At that moment, Luke drags his thumb across my hand andsmiles at me—a loving, genuine smile. I hold his gaze for longseconds, trying to send to him through the Force exactly how muchthis means to me, and he nods just enough for me to notice.

Then, jerking away, I motion for someone to pour me anotherglass of Whyren's. "Alright, where's this food?" I yell. "I'm starving!"

The party lasts well into the night. To my surprise, consideringhow much I have to drink, I manage not to get completelyintoxicated, and wonder if that's just one more benefit to all this

Force training. Not everyone else is so lucky, however, and afterall the food has been eaten and the tables are pushed to the side, Iget to witness the wonder that is Corran Horn dancing whilecompletely and utterly smashed. Tyria—my savior—records it all,and I make a mental note to send the recording to Mirax TerrikHorn as soon as I can get to the HoloNet station.

All the men treat me to a dance, including Luke, who, to mysurprise, stays for the entire length of the party. I expected him toleave early, as he might think it odd to fraternize with hisapprentices, but true to his word, he is Luke tonight, and MasterSkywalker is nowhere to be found. Despite the number of shots hetakes, he also manages not to get completely drunk, but he'sbuzzed enough to eventually join the rest of the boys out on thedance floor, that stupid party hat still perched precariously on hishead. And then there are the party games—there's one involvingpinning a tail on a nexu, and another that involves smashing alarge, candy-filled paper animal while blindfolded. Tyria wins thefirst game, but Corran gets so frustrated with the second that hefinally ignites his lightsaber and cuts through the poor wampa,while Luke mutters in the background that he's having flashbacksto Hoth.

Once it passes midnight, it's clear that everyone has hit theproverbial wall, especially after our long day of training. Thankfully,Luke grants us a reprieve and reminds us that tomorrow is anotheroff day and we can sleep in; we have two this week so we canprepare for the arrival of the new apprentices. As I leave, I thankeveryone again for the incredible evening. I know that I won't beable to fall asleep just yet, so I make my way to the meditationgarden for some peace and quiet.

I stand outside for a long time, my legs spread shoulder-length

I stand outside for a long time, my legs spread shoulder-lengthapart, hands clasped behind my back, content to inhale the sweetscent of the air and feel the Force around me. Smiling, I finger theholdout blaster holstered on my arm, thinking about Luke and howhappy he has made me, without even having to try. It's as if hereally knows me…as if he can truly read my mind.

Then, almost confirming my suspicion that he actually can readmy mind, I feel his presence at the back of the garden. He walksslowly towards me, taking the spot by my side. "I was hoping I'dfind you here."

I glance over at him and burst out laughing. He's still wearingthe hat. I've taken off my party paraphernalia; the items are strewnon the ground around me.

I stifle my laughter to ask, "Didn't you just get enough of me?"He smiles at me, looking bashful, but also bold. "I could never

get enough of you."I roll my eyes at his overly sappy compliment, but even still that

damn shiver runs down my spine again. I shake my head againstmy thoughts, and we stand in silence for a few seconds before Ispeak again, suddenly compelled to apologize for my earlierbehavior in our lesson.

"Look, Luke, I'm really sorry about how I acted before—"He cuts me off with a finger to my lips before I can say anything

further. "Don't. There's no need to apologize.""But—""Remember?" he points at the hat. "I'm Luke tonight, not

Master Skywalker."I nod, suddenly very intrigued by the fact that he thinks of them

as two completely different people, but I don't press the issue."You really should take off that hat," I tell him instead, chuckling. "It

looks ridiculous. And besides, it's not my birthday anymore.""I know, but I like it. It makes me feel like a kid again."He immediately stiffens, regretting his words, because I never

knew what it was like to be a kid. Not wanting him to feel bad, Ireach out and touch him gently on the arm. "Don't worry about it,Luke."

He scrunches up his mouth, and it is a completely endearinggesture. "Sorry."

I shrug, then pick up the tiara and place it back on my head. "Ishould keep wearing this, then. Maybe it'll give me back thechildhood I never had."

"For some reason, I think you'll need a hell of a lot of tiaras."I raise my eyebrows at his quip. "Then get to a jeweler.""Okay," he replies, pulling a box from his tunic.My mouth drops open as I stare at the black velvet box in his

hand. Slowly, my eyes travel back up to his. "What's this?""Your present.""But you already got me a present. Are you telling me that a

holdout blaster was not your idea for a gift?""It was, but that wasn't my present. It was their present. This is

mine," he clarifies, holding out the box to me.I take it tentatively, reveling in the feel of his fingers against

mine, wondering if I really have had too much to drink, becausesuddenly all I can think about is how luscious Luke's lips look atthis moment.

I roll my eyes at myself, trying my best to concentrate on thebox in my hands. "I found it at a market on Coruscant," Lukeexplains. "It's nothing special. Han said you wouldn't care for thistype of gift, but I couldn't resist when I saw it. You'll see. Open it!"

I'm almost tempted to tell him that it's bad etiquette to downplay

a present before the recipient can open it, because that's justbegging for compliments, but as I open the box, I suddenly lose theability to speak.

Inside is a simple green pendant hanging from a plain-lookingsilver chain. It is, as Luke said, nothing special—a common crystalfound on nearly every planet in the Core—but I know exactly whyLuke bought it for me.

He says it before I can. "The color reminded me of your eyes."He takes back the box so he can hold it up to my face, and breaksinto a wide grin. "I was right! It matches perfectly."

As he hands the box back to me, I can't do anything else butstare incredulously at Luke's gift. As the Emperor's Hand, I woremy fair share of fine jewelry, some worth more than my annualsalary while working for Karrde, but none of them could evercompare to the beauty of the necklace that I now hold in my hands.

Both of us are silent for a long moment, until Luke gently liftsthe necklace out of the box. "May I?" he asks, and I nod, stillspeechless. He unclasps the chain and leans forward to hook itaround my neck. I try not to focus on how close he is to me, insteadstaring at the stone that is now nestled between my breasts. Itouch it, marveling at the feel of it beneath my fingers.

Then, wondering at something Luke said, I once again am ableto speak. "You bought this on Coruscant?"

"Yes," he replies."But…you haven't been on Coruscant since before the

Academy opened."He doesn't answer.I finally take my eyes off the stone and look back at him. His

eyes are intently locked on mine. "You bought this then, beforeeven knowing about my birthday?"

He nods."And you kept it all this time?"Again, he nods. "I was going to give it to you right away, but

then I saw that your birthday was only a few months away, so Idecided to save it."

I look back down at the stone, marveling at this revelation. Thiswasn't just a spur of the moment purchase from the HoloNetbecause he felt like he should get me a gift for my birthday. Thiswas a gift purchased months in advance, for no reason other thanhe wanted me to have it. The kind of thing you'd only do forsomeone you truly care about.

"Thank you," I whisper, and again the words do not do justiceto how I truly feel at this moment.

As if he senses my thoughts, Luke steps towards me andtakes my hand in his. The box falls to the ground, rolling to a restbeside my sash. Time slows down and I avoid his gaze, knowingthat very bad things are about to happen, but he lifts up my chinand I find myself staring into his eyes again.

I never before noticed how incredibly beautiful they are."I just can't stop thinking about you, Mara," he says

breathlessly, almost apologetically, as our fingers begin tointertwine together.

Part of me, the old Mara Jade—Emperor's Hand, assassin,and smuggler—is screaming at me to break away and run back tomy quarters before anything can happen. I know that this is wrong.I know that nothing can ever come of our feelings. Evendisregarding our past history, and Luke's issues with attachment,we're master and apprentice now. It's ridiculous to even thinkabout us ever being together.

But the new Mara Jade—Jedi, and friend—will not let me

move. She has been pushed aside for far too long, and she isscreaming out to finally be released—to experience realhappiness, something I have never before felt.

Every old instinct melts away as I focus on the blue eyes in frontof me, and the full, soft lips that I suddenly want to taste more thananything in the galaxy. But still, old habits die hard.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I protest softly, as his thumb startsto intimately caress my hand, once again sending shivers downmy spine.

"No, we shouldn't," he replies, his voice shaking, but his handdoesn't move from mine. Instead he shifts closer to me, and I canfeel his breath on my face. His body is as tense as mine.

"You're my master…this is wrong," I whisper, but I still do not tryto pull away. Every trace of objection has left my voice. Everyinstinct to run away from my feelings has been destroyed. All myshields have finally come down.

"It is," Luke agrees, moving even closer. I can sense him soclearly through the Force, and I wonder if this is why the old JediOrder forbade attachments—because being this close to him isenough to set my soul on fire.

As that thought enters my mind, I say it out loud, because eventhough I don't agree with the attachment code, I'm willing to sayanything right now to convince myself to walk away before we canmake a huge mistake. "You said you shouldn't let yourself dothis…"

I trail off, finding my resolve weakening as my arm involuntarilyreaches up, removing the hat from his head and running my fingersthrough his sandy hair, then trailing down to caress his face.

"I know," he sighs, leaning his cheek into my palm, pressing hislips against it, "but I don't care anymore." Emphasizing his words,

lips against it, "but I don't care anymore." Emphasizing his words,his hand slowly slides up the side of my body, eliciting shivers thatalmost bring me to my knees. As he gently pulls the tiara from myhair, dropping it to the ground, I can do nothing else but stare deepinto his eyes. He closes them against his emotions as he cups hishand behind my neck, tangling his fingers into my hair; his bodybegins to tremble as he closes the final distance between us, hisother hand still moving suggestively on mine, and I can feel hisresolve crumbling.

He rests his forehead on mine, our lips mere inches apart. Mybody is screaming out in agony, for I want nothing more than to feelit pressed against his, and to feel his lips devouring mine. I pushevery objection out of my mind; shove aside every argument that isso very wrong, instead focusing only on the man in front of me. Ican sense his desire, and his feelings for me that he has beentrying to deny, struggling to break free. Even still, he tries in vain tomaintain the exterior of a calm, serene Jedi Master, but I can seethe mask dissolving before my eyes. Tonight he is LukeSkywalker, just a regular man, and he will go against his everyJedi instinct to finally get what he wants.

Slowly, he lowers his hand to fondle my necklace. "Sobeautiful," he murmurs, looking deep into my eyes, which soperfectly match the stone around my neck—a stone that he solovingly chose, because it reminded him of me.

I swallow a lump in my throat and then, before either of us canutter another word of protest, his arms envelop me in an embraceand his lips are on mine.

And even though I know with every fiber of my being that this iscompletely wrong, it suddenly feels so very right.

It's just a kiss, I tell myself, even as I open my mouth to his. It

won't ever happen again—it can't. It just can't.But as our kiss deepens, and I feel his mind brush against

mine, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it most certainlywill.

7. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6I jump up abruptly in bed, gasping for breath, thanks to a loud

pounding at my door. Without thinking, I reach blindly for mylightsaber on the bedside table, knocking off the tiara and sashthat somehow made it back with me to my quarters last night, but Iquickly relax as I realize that the person outside my door is friendly.

Annoying, but friendly.I glance at my chrono to check the time and curse—I'm late.

This afternoon I'm scheduled to help Corran set up quarters for thenew apprentices, and I've already slept well past the time we saidwe'd meet for lunch. I check my comlink to make sure it's workingand remember that I switched it off when I finally stumbled into bedthis morning. No wonder Corran is banging at my door.

"Hold on!" I yell as I throw back the covers, trying to findsomething to cover up with. Of course, most of my clothes happento be dirty. Finally settling on the cloak thrown over my chair, I pull itaround me and open the door slightly, peeking outside.

Corran is leaning against the wall, dressed in his civilianclothes. He flashes me a mischievous smile as he takes in myhaggard appearance and state of undress. "Late night?" heteases, winking at me.

I instinctively put up every mental shield, not that I think Corranwould pry, but because I'm afraid of blabbing something that Ishouldn't, especially after getting so little sleep. I give him my bestangry stare. "Ha-ha, very funny," I reply dryly, opening the doorwide enough so he can get a good look at my very empty bunk.Corran almost looks disappointed that he's not catching me in the

middle of a scandal.Wanting to turn the accusations around on him, I say, "I'm

surprised you woke up on time. You gave quite a show on thedance floor last night, CorSec."

He rubs his head. "Don't remind me. I'm gonna need to get thatrecording from Tyria."

Taking note of how good Corran looks for someone who wascompletely drunk only a few hours ago, I ask, "So, did you use aForce trance to keep from getting a hangover?"

He puts his finger to his lips. "Shhhh! I'll never hear the end of itif she finds out!" he whispers, pointing his thumb at Tyria's door.

I throw my head back and laugh. "Typical! We're here to gain agreater understanding of our connection to the Force, and you useyour training to keep from throwing up."

"Hey, what Master Skywalker doesn't know won't hurt him,right?"

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. Now, can you wait one second while Iget dressed, please?"

"Sure," he replies, his eyes twinkling. "But I'm making you domore work since you forgot about our assignment."

"I didn't forget," I bite back. "It's not my fault you guys threw mea party and made me get so little sleep."

Corran smirks at me. "We left the party at the same time,Mara. Why'd you stay up so late afterwards?"

I glare at him, but he does not back down. Instead, he lookseven more amused, and I realize that, somehow, he suspects thatsomething happened between Luke and me. Kriffing CorSectraining! Drawing myself up to my full height, I growl, "Corran Horn,I don't know what you're thinking, but you better wipe that blastedsmirk off your face or I'm gonna rip you a new one."

smirk off your face or I'm gonna rip you a new one.""Don't worry, Mara," he says, no longer looking amused, but

concerned. "Your business is your business. Just…""Just what?" I demand."Just…try not to get hurt," he answers, sounding exactly like a

good friend."Don't get excited, okay?" I lie, taking another pointed look at

my empty bunk. Corran follows my gaze, understanding myimplication that his suspicions are completely wrong, and I hopehe cannot tell that I'm lying. He holds his hands up in surrender,and then I quickly close the door and go about getting dressed.

Even though I eventually made my way back to my quartersalone, that doesn't make last night's—or rather, this morning's—events any less troublesome. It's even worse than if Luke and I hadended up in the same bed, 'cause it would be easy to just blamethat on all the Whyren's. No, Luke and I stayed in the garden forhours, just kissing—and then talking about how we shouldn't bekissing, and then kissing some more, both fully aware that what wewere doing was completely wrong.

But oh, it felt so right.We finally stopped when the sun began to rise. It was as if with

the dawn of the new day, we finally realized the implications ofwhat we were doing. As we walked inside the temple togetherhand in hand, we made a silent pact that, for both of our sakes, wecan't let it happen again.

But deep down, I know that we can never go back. We crosseda line, and I won't ever be able to stop thinking about him, or hislips, or the feel of his lips pressed against mine. As much as Iknow that it should never happen again, I also know that not eventhe Force can stop this.

It is a problem.

Several days later, every inch of the Academy has been scrubbedand polished. New quarters have been made up. New scheduleshave been sent to our datapads. Everything is ready for the arrivalof six new Jedi apprentices.

Despite all the preparations, everyone is nervous about thenew arrivals. We've become a close-knit group over our first threemonths of training and our routine is a well-oiled machine. We allknow that things are about to become very different.

But Luke is so excited about the new arrivals that it's hard notto catch his enthusiasm. Originally, he wasn't sure how long itwould take for him to feel comfortable accepting new apprentices.But apparently he's very satisfied with our progress, because hecan't seem to wait to get his feet wet with new students.

I'm glad for him, I really am—this is everything he wanted forthe Jedi Academy. I am more than happy for my friend.

But the part of me that I keep trying to ignore—the resentfullittle girl who can't stop thinking about what it felt like to kiss him—is worried that, with six new apprentices to train, Luke will findhimself too busy for me, and with the added responsibilities, he'llgo right back to his old mindset about not being able to let himselfform attachments.

I really, really want to punch that girl in the face.The ten of us original apprentices are waiting patiently in the

meditation garden for the new group of students to arrive. Lukemet them on the landing platform and is bringing them here tomake introductions after they get settled in. The new group willtrain separately at first—they have a lot of catching up to do tomatch our progress—but Luke has said that he eventually plans to

have the original class assist in their training.After several minutes of waiting, Luke enters the garden with

the new apprentices in tow. I meet his gaze, trying not to thinkabout what happened the last time we were in this place together.By the look on his face, I can tell that he is struggling to do thesame thing.

Finally peeling my eyes away from him, I take in the newapprentices. Luke already transmitted their basic statistics andsome background information to our datapads, and I have notrouble remembering their names: Kyp Durron, Jes Gantoris,Nichos Marr, Cray Mingla, Saba Sebatyne, and Rikk Streen. All ofthem, with the exception of Durron, approached New Republicofficials on their home planets, requesting permission to train atthe Jedi Academy. I smile at each of them, doing my best to makethem feel welcome, remembering how nervous I was on my firstday here—but then again, I had a very good reason to feel thatway.

I straighten up in my seat when I reach Durron. He's theyoungest student, by far, and the only one who didn't go throughthe proper channels to come to the Academy. All we've been toldabout him is that he is an orphan, and that Han Solo met himsomewhere on Coruscant and was somehow convinced thatDurron was strong in the Force. I can tell that much is true just bylooking at the boy.

But he also projects something that makes me feel very uneasy—something that makes me think that I need to keep my eye onhim.

I glance at Corran, who is sitting next to me, and he nods hishead ever so slightly. He senses it, too.

Luke motions for the new apprentices to sit on the benches

Luke motions for the new apprentices to sit on the benchesfacing us, and then he asks them to go through a round ofintroductions, just as he did with us on our first day here. Luke thengoes through his speech about what he hopes to accomplish atthe Academy, and how training with the group of new apprenticeswill be different than what we've already experienced. He's alreadyhad this talk with us, so I find my mind wandering, focusing insteadon Kyp Durron, who is sitting directly across from me. He noticesme watching him and returns my gaze with a hard look.

I don't like that look at all.As Luke dismisses us all for dinner, I hang back with Corran

and we walk inside the Great Temple behind the others. "I don'tlike that kid," he whispers.

Despite my own reservations about Durron, I smile teasingly atCorran. "You thought the same thing about me, remember?"

Corran smiles back. "Who says I've changed my mind? Ow!"he exclaims as I slap him upside the head. "Seriously, though. Idon't like him."

"Me, neither," I admit, also turning serious."What are you two whispering about?" Corran and I jump and

whirl around to see Tyria skulking around behind us."I told you not to do that anymore, Tyria!" Corran growls.She shrugs innocently. "It's not my fault you're not taking my

stealth training seriously! Anyway, spill it. What are you twoyapping about?"

Corran and I share a glance. "We're talking about Kyp Durron,"he explains, speaking softly so those in front of us don't overhearour conversation.

"You mean the green-eyed kid who kept giving Mara the stink-eye?"

Corran chuckles. "That's the one—but don't worry, Mara wasglowering right back at him."

"I'm sure she was. So was there a reason for this impromptustaring contest, or was Mara just being her usually charming self?"

I scowl at her. "Hey, I've come a long way!"Both Corran and Tyria stop in their tracks and give me a look.

"Well, I have," I insist, holding my ground and continuing inside thetemple towards the mess. "But anyway, yeah, there was a reason.He gives me the willies."

Tyria raises her eyebrows. "Is that what we're calling that badfeeling in the Force now, the willies?"

"Shut up," I crack, playfully shoving her on the arm. "Fine, hegives me a very bad feeling in the Force, is that better?"

"And you feel it, too?" she asks Corran.He nods. "Oh yeah—big time.""I don't sense anything," Tyria shrugs. Corran and I share

another glance. Tyria is strong in the Force in her own ways, buther danger sense is nowhere near as honed as Corran's or mine."Are you absolutely sure?" she asks, seeing our wariness.

"Yes," we reply in unison. "I don't know why, but I just don't likehim," I add. "I have a really bad feeling about him."

Tyria shrugs again. "If you insist. But you should really tellMaster Skywalker that you feel this way. He should know."

I sigh, watching Luke walk next to Durron a few meters in frontof us, his arm draped casually across the boy's shoulders, like anolder brother. I hate having to do this to him, but Tyria is right. "I'lltalk to him," I tell them, and I will…eventually. Talking to Luke willbe easier said than done considering the recent events thattranspired between us, and, of course, that's exactly the reasonwhy I was trying so hard not to let those things happen in the first

place.

To my pleasant surprise, Han Solo, who brought Durron to theAcademy, stays on Yavin IV for dinner. He invites me to join himand Luke, and catches me up with what's been going on in thesmuggling world.

"Karrde's crazy," he's saying. "He keeps acquiring more andmore shipping companies. I don't know how he's able to run sucha huge organization, but everyone seems to love working for him."

"That's great!" I say, happy for my old friend. I haven't talked toKarrde much since arriving at the Academy, and I suddenly feelvery guilty for not being more vigilant in keeping up ourcommunications.

"Yeah, and the best part is that he takes every opportunity tobad-mouth you for leaving him."

"He does not!" I reply indignantly. "He was more thansupportive when I came here to train."

"Sure, but only if you go back and work for him after you finishyour training. He's been warning everyone that he's gonna have aJedi second-in-command to sniff out all the liars."

Luke snickers from his seat next to me, and I shoot him a glare."Think that's funny, huh?" I threaten, but I can't keep the smile offmy face.

He shrugs innocently. "I'm just getting the mental picture of aJedi Knight working for a smuggler."

"Information broker," I clarify.This time, Han is the one who snorts. "You really have been

spending too much time with Luke if you're remembering Karrdethrough rose-colored glasses."

"Oh, you have no idea," I say dryly, causing Luke to cough into

"Oh, you have no idea," I say dryly, causing Luke to cough intohis hand before grabbing his glass and taking a long sip of hisdrink. Han's eyes dart from me to Luke, and then back to meagain.

"Did I miss something?" he asks, his tone suggesting that he'sready to pounce on this newfound revelation.

"Ew, no!" I reply quickly, kicking myself for that innuendo. I hearLuke's amused protest in my mind—Ew? That's not what you saidthe other night…—but I ignore him and force myself not to laugh.Han knows Luke even better than I do, and he'd be sure to pick upon anything going on between us. According to Luke, Han evenhad suspicions that something was going on between us back onWayland. "Just commenting on the slave driver that is your brother-in-law," I continue, trying to cover for my slip up.

Han sits back in his chair and crosses his arms behind hishead, seemingly buying my explanation. "Well, you agreed tocome here, Jade," he smiles. "I could have told you that it wouldn'tbe a cakewalk."

"As wonderful as hearing you guys talk about me is," Lukestands and pushes himself up from the table, "I need to goacquaint myself with the new arrivals. See you both later." Heshakes Han's hand and then mine…and once again, looking deepinto my eyes, his thumb moves ever so slightly against the side ofmy hand. I look away before my body can react.

Damn him."Bye, Master Skywalker!" I catcall as he walks away, wanting

to get him back, which elicits loud guffaws from Han. I senseLuke's amusement through the Force as he sits down at a tablewith Durron and some of the other new apprentices.

My good mood quickly disappears as I watch Luke interact

with Durron. He is clearly very intrigued by the boy. It is obviousthat Durron is very strong in the Force, but no matter how much Itell myself that he hasn't done anything to warrant my suspicions,that strange feeling continues to hover around him.

Knowing that Han is the one who brought the boy to theAcademy, I decide to broach the subject with him. "So, how'd youfind Durron?"

"Ran into him on Coruscant," he answers, launching into thestory. "He was getting into trouble on the lower levels. I helped himout of a scrape, and we got to talking. He reminded me a lot ofmyself when I was his age, and he doesn't have any family, so Iguess I felt responsible to make sure he kept out of trouble. Oncehe realized who I was, he confided in me that he thought he coulduse the Force. I saw some of what he could do, and figured Luke'dwant him at the Academy."

I glance over at Durron again. "He's very strong in the Force."Han follows my gaze. "Yeah?"I nod my head. "Very," I repeat. "He'll be a powerful Jedi, if…""If what?"My mouth crinkles with worry. "You think he's a good kid?" I ask

hesitantly."What are you saying?""I'm not saying anything—""He's a good kid, Mara," Han says firmly. "He's just been dealt

a bad hand in life. You of all people should be able to relate tothat." His tone is more than a little accusatory.

I can't deny that he's right. Durron hasn't done anything tocompromise my trust, and yet I can't help but look at him as if he'sgoing to become the next Vader; whereas I actually have acheckered past and everyone at the Academy has accepted me

with open arms.But even so, Han isn't Force sensitive, and there is no way that

he could ever understand the very bad feeling that I'm getting fromKyp Durron.

8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7Because of how busy he is with the new apprentices, I don't get

to have my regular private lesson with Luke that week. Normally, I'dbe annoyed with him for neglecting the original group in favor ofhis new students, not to mention the fact that he hasn't yet let usstart helping him with their training as he originally intended, but asI've been dreading being alone with him for the first time since wekissed, I refuse to press the issue. Deep inside, I wonder if he'savoiding it, too, especially after everyone else has their privatelessons scheduled before I do. But eventually Luke—or rather,Master Skywalker—caves and I receive a message on mydatapad informing me of our next session.

My years of training under the Emperor have had one positiveeffect on my life—even though that night continues to haunt me, I'mable to act as if nothing has changed. Nobody can tell how I'mreally feeling, except for Luke, who of course can see right throughmy charade. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he is facingthe same struggle, but he is a Jedi Master and, thankfully, nobodybut me is the wiser.

Around the other students, we interact exactly as we did before—he pushes my buttons, I take his bait; I tease him, he bites back;he is the master, I am the apprentice.

But all alone with Luke, I don't know if I'll be able to go withoutkissing him, and I hate myself for it, because I know that doing sowould just be asking for more trouble than we already have. I haveto abide by our unspoken pact, for both his sake and for mine.

When it comes time for my lesson, I wait for him outside the

usual meditation room. He's several minutes late, which is strangefor him. As soon as I start to tap my foot impatiently, I see himround the corner with a smirk on his face.

I raise my eyebrows at him. "Something funny, Master?"He hovers over me, still smirking. "You didn't check your

datapad.""No, why?""Check it."Sighing, I pull it out of my tunic. Sure enough, there's a

message from Luke: "Lesson moved to the private training room.Meet me there."

I roll my eyes; of course, the one day I don't check my scheduleis the day he has to change our plans.

I push myself up from my seat, ignoring Luke's hand, and shovethe datapad back into my robes. We walk to the turbolift in silence.While waiting for it to arrive, I ask, "Why'd you change our lesson?"

"You don't want private lightsaber training?" he replies, raisinghis eyebrows at me.

"Oh, I always do, until I finally learn enough to kick your butt," Itease. He laughs, and then we fall into silence again, waiting forthe lift to arrive. I shift nervously beside him, suddenly very awareof how alone we are. I force myself to stare straight ahead andignore every indecent thought running through my head.

I'm victorious in the former, but the latter is a futile fight.Thankfully, the turbolift arrives before things can get too

awkward, and as we enter the lift, Luke begins speaking again,pulling me out of my thoughts. "I know you've been frustrated withyour progress lately, and thought that some sparring practicewould do you a lot of good. I've cleared the rest of the afternoon."

"An entire afternoon alone with my lightsaber and Master

"An entire afternoon alone with my lightsaber and MasterSkywalker? Wow, you must really think I need a lot of help." Icannot keep the sarcasm out of my voice, and he shakes hishead, leaning across me to press the button for the training roomfloor.

"You know that's not true. And you don't have to call me that.There's nobody else around," he says softly as the lift doors closein front of us.

"Yes, I do," I insist. I need to keep the lines drawn or I'll just getmyself into trouble again. "We're having a lesson, so therefore youare Master Skywalker." The lift slowly begins to descend.

"No, right now we're alone in a turbolift, so I'm just Luke." Histone is teasing, almost flirtatious. For someone who's so conflictedabout whether or not he can afford to have attachments, he suredoes seem to have a death wish.

Emboldened by his statement, I turn to face him, keenly awareof the butterflies in my stomach, but unable to stop myself fromtaking his bait. "You really should reconsider whether you want meto think of myself as being alone in a lift with 'just Luke' right now," Iwarn, my voice low.

He turns to me, mirroring my bold posture. "Well, you are," hereminds me, his voice now definitely flirtatious, and daring. Hishand reaches up to gently stroke my cheek, and I stare back athim, unable to resist his challenge.

Unable to resist him.My lips curl into a wicked smile as I slowly walk towards him,

forcing him against the wall of the lift. I arch my back towards himand place my hands on his chest, giving him my best seductivestare. "I guess I am, Luke," I practically purr, biting my lip as I holdhis gaze. He stares at me dumbfounded as my fingers travel lazily

down his sides and begin to tuck into his belt, gently pulling out histunic and connecting with his bare skin underneath.

Luke tenses and inhales sharply, but he does not back down.His eyes are smoldering, the Jedi Master mask forgotten onceagain. Without hesitation he reaches out to grab my waist, pullingme firmly against him. Shivers go down my spine and I feel myknees begin to weaken as he places his hand on the back of myneck and slowly lowers his lips down to mine…

And then the lift abruptly stops and the doors open with a loudbang, indicating the arrival at our floor.

"Blast!" he curses, slamming his hand into the wall behind him.Sighing with both relief and frustration, I use the distraction to

duck out of his hold and hurry out of the lift before he can even tryto pull me back. I stomp down the hallway, angry with myself for notbeing able to last a mere two minutes alone with him withoutsuccumbing to my desires. Some Jedi I am.

We arrive at the training room without saying another word. Ishrug off my cloak and practically throw my datapad to the floor. Ipace around for a few moments, trying to expel my nervousenergy, until I see that Luke is ready to begin.

I face him and throw my finger in his face. "Do not hold back,Master Skywalker," I hiss. I am in the mood to fight, and I will haveone.

He doesn't flinch; the mask is back in place. He takes myfinger and I immediately feel a sense of calm washing over me. Irealize what he is doing and pull away, but go through my calmingexercises anyway. I relax quickly, and he looks pleased.

"You can't fight when you're angry," he preaches. "You will feelthe Force when you are calm, at peace."

I take a deep breath. "Then stop making me angry," I growl.

He chuckles. "Sorry Mara, but I think that's our default position."I want to be mad at him, I really do, but I laugh despite myself.

Shaking my head, I take my lightsaber off my belt and ignite it infront of me. He follows suit.

Before he can strike, I say again, "I mean it, Luke. Don't holdback this time."

I can tell that he is wary, but he nods anyway, and then launcheshimself towards me.

For the next several hours, I cannot allow myself to dwell foreven one second on the almost-kiss in the turbolift. Luke's blowscome fast and furious, and I know that I am finally seeing the fullrange of the Jedi Master in action. I have to open up every bit ofmy being to the Force to even have a chance of holding my ownagainst him.

But Luke is also giving his all. Unlike our other practices, heactually has to exert himself to keep the upper hand. He's pantingheavily and sweat is dripping off him, but he still manages toexude an aura of calm. This is what being a Jedi is all about, Ithink—calling on the Force during a fight and still keeping a senseof inner peace. Just watching him like this is more enlighteningthan all of our meditation sessions put together.

Luke continuously disarms me, but I refuse to give up. I don'tget mad; being beaten only emboldens me to try harder. I want toimpress him. I want to impress myself.

The next time he disarms me, I don't stop fighting. Instead, Ithrow myself at him with all my strength and knock him to the floor;his lightsaber falls out of his grasp and we roll over each other. Isense his surprise through the Force but he automatically startsfighting back. Eventually he gets me on my back and pins my armsover my head and I relax, stopping my struggle, but he scolds me.

"No, we're not done. Don't give up just because your lightsaberis gone or you're pinned to the ground. Don't ever give up. Withyour skills, you're not beaten until you're dead."

I nod, and start to fight back again. "Mara," he says, in a tonethat causes me to stop and focus on his face. "Get yourlightsaber."

"What?""Get your lightsaber," he repeats.I try to break his hold so I can get up to retrieve my weapon, but

he won't let me move an inch. "No, not like that. Get yourlightsaber."

Finally understanding, I use the Force to augment my strengthand rip my arm from his hold, calling the weapon to my hand.Luke's lightsaber jumps to his own and the two weapons ignite atthe same moment, clashing against each other. I kick my legs outto push him off me; standing again, we move around in a circle,both looking for an advantage.

We keep fighting, dancing around each other, and as timegoes on I feel my mind opening up to his in a way I've never beforeexperienced, not even during our meditation sessions. It's nolonger like we are fighting against each other, but with each other.We are both unstoppable, and it's apparent that this fight will neverend.

And then, as we fall to the floor again, I get a flash of insightinto Luke's mind so intense that I have to stop what I'm doing andsqueeze my eyes shut against it. I see all his worry about being theleader of the Jedi Order; his apprehension for one day having toteach his niece and nephew the ways of the Force; his insecurityat training the apprentices currently under his tutelage; he deepand profound fear that his compassion for me will be his undoing.

As we roll to a stop with him on top of me, I see in Luke's eyesthat he has had the same experience. He has seen inside mymind and reached the wall I refuse to break down, and he hasscaled it, seeing all the fears and doubts that lay on the other side.

Gasping for breath, I shove him off me and jump up, clippingmy lightsaber back on my belt. Hurrying over to my belongings, Ipull my cloak over my shoulders and shove the datapad back intomy robes. Before I can rush out of the room, I feel Luke's hand onmy arm, pulling me around to face him. He looks as disturbed as Ido.

"Don't go," he pleads. "We need to talk about this.""No," I refuse, slapping away his hand."Mara—""I said no!"I don't know why I am so angry. It is an exhilarating feeling,

understanding so well how someone else feels. But at the sametime, it is petrifying, for I know that Luke has just seen all mysecrets, and all the issues thwarting me on my journey tobecoming a Jedi. I do not want to confront those issues, but nowthat he has seen them, they will be impossible to ignore.

We stand there, staring at each other, breathing heavily, bothunwilling to speak. His expression does not betray any of hispersonal feelings for me; he is the Jedi Master again, and I amonly his apprentice.

He takes a deep breath. "Sit down," he says, and it is an order,not a request. Surprising myself, I oblige him, taking a seat on oneof the benches. He sits next to me, and I am grateful for that,because at least I don't have to look him in the eye.

"Why won't you talk about this?" he asks softly.I ponder his question for a long time, but I cannot find the

I ponder his question for a long time, but I cannot find theanswer. I know what I once was. I know I'm no longer that person.But I just can't find it in me to forgive myself, no matter how hard Itry, so I do the only thing I know how—I ignore all my issues, hopingthat they'll go away on their own during my struggle to become aJedi.

Sensing my thoughts, Luke speaks again. "You know that youwill never be able to realize your full potential in the Force until youlearn to forgive yourself, Mara."

I shake my head. "I can't, Luke," I whisper. "I just can't.""Why not?""I just can't," I repeat, almost near tears.He nods, unsatisfied with my answer, but not willing to push any

further. He knows that it's futile to try. The old Mara Jade is back,and she will not give in. Patting me on the shoulder, he rises andleaves the training room, leaving me alone with my thoughts, that Ican't run away from fast enough.

I am fully prepared to avoid Luke for the rest of the evening, but asit turns out, I don't have to—he's nowhere to be found when I arriveat the mess for dinner. Resentfully, I assume he's playing with thenew apprentices, most likely his new golden boy, Kyp Durron, withwhom he seems to be spending all his extra time. No matter howmuch I tell myself not to prejudge, I cannot get the bad feelingabout the boy out of my mind. I know that I have to talk to Lukeabout it, but after today's session, I can't bring myself to be alonewith him anytime soon.

Corran is just sitting down when I arrive, so I quickly grab somefood and join him. I need to get my mind off what just happenedwith Luke, so I let him chew my ear off with stories about Rogue

Squadron and Mirax and even CorSec.I pick at my food, not having much of an appetite even after

working out so hard. Corran, naturally, senses my bad mood andhas to pry.

"Master Skywalker get to you again?" he asks, a knowing lookin his eye.

I roll my eyes. "Shut up, Corran.""Oooh, it must have been good.""Shut up, Corran!""Shutting up, ma'am."I laugh despite myself. "Fine," I admit. "It was an…interesting

lesson, to say the least.""Why, did you smooch him?""Corran!" I exclaim, glancing around to make sure nobody

heard him."Oh calm down Mara, nobody's listening to us.""You ever hear of Force-enhanced hearing, idiot?"He throws a napkin at my face. I throw it back at him."Must've been a good kiss."I glare at him. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this, but for

your information, there was no 'smooching,' okay?""Oh, so that's the problem."I sigh and let my head fall into my hands. I hear a chair push

back from the table, and after a moment Corran settles down nextto me, placing his hand on my back. "I told you not to let yourselfget hurt."

I lift my head and look him in the eye. "No, it's not that at all,Corran."

"Then what is it?""It's hard to explain."

"I'm a good listener.""You're not gonna back down, are you?""Nope.""Are all you Rogue Squadron vets alike?""Yup."I shake my head in disbelief and rest it on his shoulder. What

the hell, I think—I might as well confide in somebody. He gentlystrokes my hair as I begin to speak.

"We were sparring, and then all of a sudden, I could see insidehis mind. It was amazing, and exhilarating, and unlike anything I'veever felt before. But it was also petrifying, because I knew that hecould see inside mine, too. And he could see all the issues that I'mtrying so hard to hide from."

"Which are?" Corran asks."Isn't it obvious?"He's quiet for a few moments, and he reaches out into the

Force to sense my emotions. A confused look passes over hisface as he realizes what I mean. "That was a long time ago, Mara.You shouldn't let yourself get hung up on your past."

"But I am hung up on it, Corran! And I can't face it. I can't faceall the horrible things I did in service to the Empire."

"We've all done horrible things in our lives.""Yeah, but not like this.""You didn't have a choice, Mara."I look away, staring into nothingness, trying to remember what

it was like to be the Emperor's Hand…and all I can remember is agirl who wanted nothing more than to earn her master'scongratulations; a girl who would gladly accomplish any mission todo so—even one that ended in the death of Luke Skywalker.

Maybe I didn't know any better, but I certainly was willing.

As always, I avoid confronting my feelings, changing thesubject to one I know will appeal to Corran much more.

"Okay, I lied," I admit. He looks at me curiously. "There wassmooching."

His eyes light up, and he leans towards me. "I knew it!""Yes, now stop gloating or I'm going to stop talking."Corran immediately shuts up and motions for me to continue."It just happened once—on my birthday." Corran looks

victorious as he realizes that his suspicions from the morning aftermy party were correct. "And we almost kissed again today, but wewere interrupted before anything could happen. It's so frustrating,Corran—"

"Yeah, I can imagine," he teases."No, I don't mean like that.""Then how?""Well, besides the obvious fact that it would be highly

inappropriate for a master and apprentice to enter into arelationship?" I sigh. "Corran, your family didn't abide by theattachment code, right?"

"Right," he answers, obviously confused at my change ofsubject.

"Do you know why Corellian Jedi were allowed to marry, butnot the Jedi on Coruscant?"

He shrugs. "I never really thought about it. I always assumedthat all the old Jedi were allowed to marry until I started traininghere. It never made sense that they wouldn't be allowed. I mean, ifForce sensitivity can be passed down genetically, wouldn't it makesense for Jedi to marry and have children?"

I nod. "Yeah, which is probably one of the reasons why Lukedoesn't want to reinstate that rule—we need to increase our

numbers."Corran laughs and grins mischievously. "So is that what you

two are gonna do?"I groan and throw another napkin at his face. "That's the issue.

He still thinks that he needs to abide by that rule.""Oh." Corran pauses for a moment, and then my statement

really sinks in. "Oh…""And now you see the problem.""It doesn't make sense, Mara. Why would he think he has to

abide by that rule, but not the rest of us?""Because he feels he needs to live up to a higher standard.

He's the son of Darth Vader. He lives in that shadow every day ofhis life, and it scares him to death."

"So, what, he thinks that if he gets some action with you thathe's gonna turn Sith or something?"

"Stang, Corran, way to be sensitive about the issue!" Iadmonish, shoving him with my shoulder.

"Hey, sometimes it takes someone giving it to you straight torealize just how dumb you're being."

"Yeah, well, don't tell me, tell him.""I will if you want me to.""Force, no!" I yell. "Don't you dare say a word to him!""Of course I won't, Mara, don't be ridiculous.""Horn," I growl, pointing at his face, "promise me that you won't

say a word."He takes my hand, holding my gaze. "Your secret is safe with

me."I nod gratefully, and start picking at my food again."But Mara," he continues, and I look back at him. He squeezes

my hand and looks at me like a protective older brother, and I

my hand and looks at me like a protective older brother, and Isuddenly feel a rush of affection for him. "Try not to get hurt."

I pick at my food some more, and think to myself that hisadvice is too little, too late.

9. Chapter 8

A/N: Song for this chapter: Aquarium, Camille Saint-Saëns,Carnival of the Animals

CHAPTER 8The oppressive humidity of Yavin IV hangs over me as I travel

through the overgrown jungle with Corran, Tyria, Kam, and Tionne.After over four months on the moon, we're finally beginning toexplore some of the other temples around the Academy. PoorTionne has been campaigning to investigate the ruins ever sincewe arrived, but Luke always put it off, saying there were moreimportant things to accomplish in our training. But now, with ourever-increasing free time after the arrival of the new apprentices,Luke he has no choice but to placate Tionne and allow us to beginour explorations.

The five of us are heading towards what we believe is thelargest temple around the Academy. It is several kilometers awayso we're travelling via the Academy's sole landspeeder. Corran'sdriving, of course—flyboy won't let anyone else near the controls—and Tyria and I remain on the lookout for anything unusual. Not thatthere should be, as Yavin IV is supposedly uninhabited except forthose of us at the Jedi Academy, but there's no telling what kind ofwildlife exists in these jungles.

After one too many sharp turns, the speeder finally begins toslow, indicating our arrival. We all jump out, Tyria taking point, mebringing up the rear. I ignite my lightsaber, suddenly feeling theneed to protect myself. It's almost as if I know that this temple isnot empty at all.

Of course, there's nothing unusual when we get inside. It is

bare except for a tomb on an altar and several alcoves filled withshadowed artifacts. Tionne makes a beeline for the altar, but Iwalk around the side of the temple, gently touching the walls,entranced by the designs and glyphs inscribed upon them.

Corran follows closely behind me as I examine the glyphs. Theyseem so familiar to me, but I cannot figure out why. I continue on,marking down notes on my datapad as I see fit. As we reach oneof the alcoves, I stop in front of it, staring at the statues inside.Corran approaches me and moves to go inside, but my arm swiftlydarts out on its own accord, holding him back. "Don't," I warn. Helooks me curiously.

Hesitantly, I step forward towards the opening of the alcove,remaining safely outside. I peer at the statues inside and then,picturing them so clearly in my mind, I close my eyes and reach outinto the Force. I find myself travelling back in time to a place I'velong tried to forget.

But now, I have no choice but to remember.I remember a private, fortified room deep inside the Imperial

Palace, a room nobody ever dared go near unless commanded byEmperor Palpatine. I remember walking inside, mesmerized bythe ancient artifacts that buzzed with an aura of power. I rememberrunning my hand over similar statues, and the cold that penetratedmy lungs upon touching them. I remember kneeling down toexamine them further, and the cackling laughter as the Emperorappeared behind me, my skin turning to ice as he touched myarm, holding me back. I remember the oppressiveness inside mymind as he made contact like he so often did—a contact I bothdesired and reviled.

Most of all, I remember his words: "Don't touch, child. Youmight find more than you are looking for."

might find more than you are looking for."Suddenly I gasp, and I feel Corran's arms on me, pulling me

back into the present. I am hyperventilating and covered withsweat, but I'm still standing upright—Corran must have caught mebefore I could collapse. I back away quickly from the statues,pulling him with me.

"What is it, Mara?" Corran asks, his voice wrought withconcern. "What did you see?"

"Palpatine," I whisper so softly that he can't make out my word."What?""Sith," I say, louder this time.Corran's eyes go wide. "Are you sure?"I meet his gaze, and he flinches, the look of terror in my eyes

clearly evident."Don't touch anything!" Corran yells, and I hear Tyria yell back

from across the temple."What's going on?"Corran leaves me standing in front of the alcove for several

moments before returning with the others. They stand behind me,mesmerized by my findings. "Tell them," Corran whispers to me.

I take a deep breath. "Those are Sith statues."Tionne's eyes go wide; I can feel her desire to touch them, to

study them up close, but she heeds my warning. "Are you sure?"I nod my head emphatically. "I've seen similar statues before,

in a private storeroom in the Imperial Palace. They are Sithwarriors. I am certain of it."

They obviously want to ask me more questions, but they keepquiet, aware of how much seeing these statues again has affectedme. And even if they did press further, I wouldn't be able to tellthem anything else. After that day, I never once went back into that

room, and I never once set out to investigate the artifacts within. Iwanted to stay far away from anything that involved the Sith.

Except for my master, who I was bound to eternally.Kam asks the question we're all afraid to speak: "Why are

there Sith statues in this temple?"Everyone is quiet. Nobody wants to answer that question,

either."What did you find on the altar, Tionne?" Corran asks,

breaking the silence."There's a tomb," she replies. "It's sealed shut. The same

glyphs that are on the wall are inscribed upon it.""Were you able to translate anything?""Some. It's a prophecy of some sort. And there's a name on

the tomb—Exar Kun. He was a Sith Lord."That name once again sends me backwards in time; I feel

Corran's arms on me as I receive another vision.It was right after the Rebels abandoned their base on Yavin IV.

For some reason, the Emperor was extremely interested in thatbase, even after the Rebellion moved on. To my surprise, he didn'torder that base be ransacked and then demolished like the others—he wanted this one to remain intact. It was where the Death Starhad been destroyed, he said—where a new hero had been born.

It was as if he foresaw that, one day, that same hero wouldreturn to this place to rebuild the Jedi Order that had beendestroyed, and that hero and his new apprentices would set out toexplore the abandoned temples around them.

And when they did so, they would discover the tomb of ExarKun, whose spirit lay in wait, and reawaken the Sith.

"I read about him in my studies," Tionne explains as I shakemyself out of the vision. "His spirit was imprisoned four thousand

years ago. It seems that this temple is where he was imprisoned."Tyria sighs. "And Master Skywalker just happened to set up

the Jedi Academy mere kilometers away. This is bad."Narrowing my eyes, I stare straight ahead, ignoring everyone

else and focusing deep inside the alcove. Slowly, going againstmy prior warning, I make my way inside. Corran tries to hold meback, but I pull out of his grip.

I kneel down in front of the statues, just as I did on that day inPalpatine's private storeroom so many years ago. I still heed theEmperor's warning, and do not touch, but I find what I'm looking foranyway.

I reach out and gently pick up the objects that rest at thestatues' feet…two objects that I've only seen before in that privatestoreroom.

Tionne leans over my shoulder, and I hear her sharp intake ofbreath. "Those are holocrons!"

I nod, even more curious as to why the Emperor neverinvestigated this place further, as he desired to collect as muchinformation as possible about both the Jedi and the Sith. I handthem to Tionne, who holds them reverently. "We need to studythese," she insists.

I nod, but then I reach out, pointing to the one she holds in herright hand, and shake my head. "Not that one." She gives me aquestioning look. "That one's Sith."

"How do you know?" she asks, almost as if she is afraid of theanswer.

Corran answers for me: "Trust me, she knows."I stare at the Sith holocron, knowing that the information inside

is capable of warping a good, kindhearted soul to do unspeakableevil. I feel an overwhelming desire to destroy it, to take it in my

hand and crush it beyond all recognition, but I don't. I refuse to letmyself give in to the anger that has destroyed so many.

Taking a deep breath, I turn from the alcove and walk towardsthe tomb. As I study it, I am certain that nobody can come backhere ever again. This temple feels completely wrong. Just beinginside it long enough could make anyone—especially young,impressionable minds, with a lust for power and revenge—cravethe darkness.

"We need to warn Luke," I tell them; I am so disturbed by ourfindings that I don't even think to correct myself at calling him by hisfirst name. "We need to stay away from this place. It is far toodangerous."

Without argument, Tyria, Kam, and Tionne begin to quickly fileout of the temple. I follow them, Corran walking my side.

"You're thinking of Kyp Durron," he whispers, not even havingto ask.

I nod and glance at him as we exit the temple. "I have a badfeeling about this."

"Yeah, me too," Corran agrees, and, for once in my life, Idesperately hope that I am wrong.

When we arrive back at the Academy, the five of us immediatelyseek out Luke and tell him of our findings. As I expected, he wantsto go there himself and see what we have found. And even though Ipromised Tyria and Corran that I'd talk to him about my misgivingsregarding Kyp Durron, I still can't bring myself to be alone withLuke again just yet.

But several days later, I can no longer ignore my bad feelings,and know that I need to put aside my anxiety and speak with Luke.

I can't find him in any of the usual spots around the Academy, so Ibegrudgingly make my way towards his quarters for the first time.His room is further away from the others—a privilege of being incharge—even though it's no secret where it's located.

I take a deep breath as I exit the lift and slowly make my waydown the hallway, all too aware of the very bad things that couldhappen once we are alone inside his quarters. But I know that mymisgivings are much more important than my stupid feelings, so Irely on all my old instincts and push my feelings aside, focusing onthe task at hand.

I reach Luke's door and lift my hand, but stop myself just beforeI knock. Luke is inside, but to my surprise, I sense that he is notalone. Reaching out with the Force, I realize who is with him, andmy body tenses in something akin to anger, but also resentment.

Knowing that what I'm about to do is so incredibly wrong, I leanup against the doorway to eavesdrop. Kyp Durron is speakingloudly, but Luke is so soft-spoken that I can't hear a word of whathe's saying.

Taking a deep breath, I push myself further against the wall andreach out with the Force. What I'm doing goes against every tenetof the Jedi code, but I cannot stop myself. I have to know what theyare talking about.

"I'm concerned for your well-being, Kyp," Luke is saying."You're becoming obsessed with going to this temple."

"I'm not obsessed, Master Skywalker," Durron argues. "Youknow that I can help. I've always been good at reading emotions.I'd be able to sense the aura of the temple better than anyone. Whywon't you let me help?"

"Nobody is allowed to go to the temple just yet, Kyp, not evenTionne. I don't even want to go there, but I have to. Until we know

what we're up against, I cannot allow any of you to be susceptibleto Exar Kun's spirit."

"I understand, but you could still let me help study theholocrons. I want to help, Master Skywalker! I don't understand whyyou refuse to let me."

"Tionne does not need your help, Kyp. Her training and skillsare different than yours, and she can study the holocrons on herown. You, on the other hand, need to learn how to control thepower inside of you. You're extremely strong in the Force, Kyp. Ifyou can learn control, you will become one of the most powerfulstudents here."

"Not as powerful as her," Durron replies resentfully.There is a pause, and I sense Luke's umbrage at Durron's

comment. "Excuse me?""Nothing," Durron tries to cover himself, but Luke is having

none of it."Just who are you referring to, Kyp?" Luke asks, his voice

clipped."I'm speaking of Mara Jade, Master Skywalker," Durron

admits. I tense, biting my lip to keep from cursing out loud at him.There is a pause, and then Luke speaks again, his tone much

darker. "What about Mara Jade?""She is resentful of the attention you're giving me. She doesn't

think I should be here.""You don't know that, Kyp.""I can sense it. She doesn't like me."I grimace, reminding myself to shield my emotions whenever

I'm around Durron from now on. As if there really needed to beanother reason for me to feel wary of him.

"Whether or not she likes you is irrelevant to this conversation.

Why are you bringing her up?""She found the holocrons.""Yes, and?""Have you spoken to her about how she found them?""Briefly, when they all returned from the temple. Why are you

asking me this?""Did you ever consider how she knew where to find them, or

how she knew what they were?"There is another pause, and I have to suppress the urge to

slice through the wall and throttle that insolent little twerp for talkingabout me this way.

"She was with four other students when she found them," Lukereplies, the calmness of his voice a stark contrast to the anger he'sprojecting through the Force. "They all told the same story. If youare inferring that there is any wrongdoing on her part, you aregravely mistaken. And you'll do well not to speak negatively of heragain in front of me, or there will be a problem. Do youunderstand?"

Even though I'm trying desperately to ignore my emotions, myheart flutters at hearing Luke defend me this way.

"I…I apologize, Master Skywalker," Durron says, not quitesincerely.

I hear movement inside the room, and I imagine they are sittingdown next to each other, with Luke putting his hand on the boy'sshoulder. "I'm worried for you, Kyp. I know how it feels to lose yourfamily. I know the desire for revenge can threaten to overtake you.But you need to learn to push that aside if you want to become aJedi."

"You don't understand, Master Skywalker—""Yes, I do, Kyp," Luke argues. "My aunt and uncle were killed

by the Empire and after that I had no choice but to leave my homeand join the Rebellion. My sister was forced to watch Alderaan bedestroyed in front of her eyes. Nearly every person who joined theRebel Alliance and later the New Republic has a reason to hatethe Empire and want revenge. But we are Jedi, and we cannot letthat anger overtake us. I understand that it is difficult to accept thepast, but if you want to move forward as a Jedi, you're going tohave to try, Kyp."

There is silence, and I feel ashamed just listening to Luke'swords. It's as if he knows I am standing right outside his door; as ifhe's speaking to me as well as to Durron.

The boy apologizes again, and then there's more movement,and my old, reliable danger sense starts to go off like a klaxonalarm. I push myself away from the wall and run down the hallwayas quickly and quietly as I can. I press the lift button repeatedly, butthe door to Luke's quarters opens before it can arrive. Turningaround, I act as if I just got off the lift and face Luke's quarters,trying to think of an excuse as to why I should be here, butthankfully, only Durron comes out into the hallway.

I eye Durron as he approaches me, remembering to shield myemotions from him. He glances at me warily, but looks away as hewaits for the lift to arrive.

Standing my ground, I glare at him with my arms crossed overmy chest. Finally he meets my gaze, and he looks much older thanhis eighteen years.

He looks scary.I keep myself from recoiling at him, and in my best intimidating

voice, I ask, "Is there a problem, Durron?"He draws himself up to his full height and pulls back his cloak

so I can see his lightsaber. I pull mine back as well, and finger the

so I can see his lightsaber. I pull mine back as well, and finger theholdout blaster under my robes.

"No problem at all, Jade," he replies in a cold voice. "Going tosee Master Skywalker?" he asks, glancing ever so slightly at thenecklace peeking out from underneath my robes.

I shove the chain back into its rightful place, safely hidden fromprying eyes, as it always is. "Possibly," I snarl. "Not that it's any ofyour business."

"Of course not."Before we can goad each other further, the turbolift arrives.

Durron enters and presses the button for his floor, then leansagainst the doorway. "Coming?" he asks with a gleam in his eye.

A shiver runs down my spine, one much different from the onesthat Luke inspires in me. Those shivers are made of desire andattraction. This shiver is brought about from fear.

For just one short second, the gleam in Durron's eye turns to asickly yellow. Before I can shudder at horrible memories of yelloweyes staring straight into my soul, Durron's eyes return to theirnormal green, and he's again just a normal boy in a turbolift.

In that moment, I am no longer scared of Durron; I am afraid forhim.

I shake myself out of my reverie and move closer to him,gripping his shoulder. He tries to pull away but I hold firm. With asmuch conviction as I can muster, I stare him down and issue an oldwarning: "Watch yourself, Durron. You might find more than youare looking for."

He glares down at my hand, a disgusted look on his face as heremoves it from his shoulder like he would an insect. He stepsback into the lift as he meets my gaze again, and his lips curl intoa thin smile. "That's right. If anyone was to know all about the Sith,

it would be you."The door slams shut between us before I can reach out and

punch him hard in the face. Incensed, I breathe deeply, calling onthe Force to calm myself down, knowing that being angry is not theJedi way…

And then I glance to my side and see Luke watching me fromhis doorway.

We stare at each other across the hallway, neither of usmoving an inch. Even with the distance between us, I can see rightinto his deep blue eyes. I get another flash of insight into his mind,and I hear the Force telling me to go to him.

But I ignore it, turning away and rushing towards the stairwell.As I open the door and begin my descent, I hear Luke's voice inmy mind, as clearly as if he were whispering into my ear:

You can't run away forever, Mara.I know that he's right, but I'll run for as long as I can.

10. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9True to Luke's words, I cannot run away forever, and the next

day I find myself waiting for him outside the usual meditation room.However, this time I am actually anticipating being alone with him. Ineed to confide in him my feelings about Kyp Durron, just like Ipromised Tyria and Corran I would when the boy first arrived. Luketrusts my judgment, so I can only hope that he takes what I have tosay very seriously.

But most of all, I just want to talk to him, because above all heis my friend, and I can tell that he really needs one right now.

Luke turns the corner almost hesitantly, and even though helooks glad to see me, I know that he's also worrying about whatproblems this latest lesson will bring about between us. But hehides all that with a bright smile as he approaches me, and I smileback, rising from the bench to walk into the room in front of him. Itake my seat on the usual couch and he sits across from me,waiting for me to get settled.

Once I'm ready, I look at Luke and, for the first time since I'vebeen at the Academy, I see neither the Jedi Master nor the manwho makes shivers run down my spine. I see the person who heldmy hand through the hardest struggle of my life on Wayland. I seethe person who trusted me from the very beginning, when he hadabsolutely no reason to do so. I see my friend, who carries aburden that nobody should ever have to carry, all on his own. And Iworry for him, because he is Luke Skywalker, and he will try tocarry that burden by himself for as long as he can.

Unaware of my thoughts, or perhaps just ignoring them, Luke

asks the same question he always does: "Is there anythingspecific you'd like to work on today, Mara?"

"Yes," I reply.Luke stares at me for a moment, blinking his eyes in disbelief,

but quickly turning pleased. "Great! What would you like to workon?"

I take a deep breath. "I want to talk."He gives me an odd look. "You can talk to me whenever you

want.""I know, but I want to talk now.""Okay," Luke says hesitantly. "Go on.""I want to talk about Kyp Durron."Luke tenses and I instantly regret bringing up this topic, but I

know that I must do this. "Go on," he repeats."I have a really bad feeling about him, Luke."He looks at me, confused that I didn't go through our normal

song and dance routine about me calling him "Master Skywalker"during a lesson. I can't be bothered with that right now.

He doesn't say anything, so I continue. "I have nothing at all toprove it, but I hope you know me well enough to know that I don'tmake up stuff like this. I tried to ignore it, but after last night—"

"When you were listening outside my door.""Yeah…uh…sorry about that.""I guess I don't need to go into a lecture about how using the

Force to eavesdrop on your master is unbecoming?"I roll my eyes at him and he laughs, and I am grateful for it. I

smile back at him before continuing. "I'm really sorry, Luke, but I'vebeen feeling this since he got here and I just can't ignore itanymore. You know how good my danger sense is, and wheneverI'm around him, it spikes like crazy. And last night when I spoke to

I'm around him, it spikes like crazy. And last night when I spoke tohim…" I trail off, regretting I even started this train of thought.

"What?" he presses."Has he been to Exar Kun's temple?" I ask."You heard him last night, begging to be allowed to go there.""Yes, I know, but do you think that would stop him from going

there if he was really determined?"Luke sits up straighter now, looking concerned. "What are you

saying? Do you think he's already been there?""It would explain why he gave me a very Sith-like vibe while

speaking to him last night.""That's ridiculous, Mara. He's not a Sith.""I'm not saying that he is," I explain. "I know you've been

spending a lot of time with him, and I know that your hopes for himas a Jedi are high, but you said it yourself, Luke—he's obsessedwith revenge. He's begging to learn things that he's not ready tolearn. You need to find out if he's been to that temple already, andyou need to make sure that he never has the chance to get nearthose holocrons."

Luke nods and rubs his hands over his face, and I feel horriblefor telling him this and burdening him even more, but I know thathim feeling badly now is much better than him feeling badly ifsomething bad were to happen to Durron or anyone else.

"I will. Thank you for telling me," he sighs. I reach across thespace between us to take his hand, and he meets my gaze andgives me a small smile.

Then, abruptly, the mask falls back into place. "Now, should weget back to the lesson?"

Slowly, tentatively, I shake my head and hold his gaze. "Howare you, Luke?" I ask, squeezing his hand.

"What are you talking about?" he replies, already soundingclosed off.

"I want to know how you are doing," I state plainly.He sits silently for a moment, breaking our gaze, staring at the

wall, thoughts swirling through his mind. He shuts himself off to mein the Force, and I wonder if he will even answer my question, or ifhe will try to keep everything to himself, as he always does—thesole person who can carry his burden. But I don't say anything; I willwait as long as it takes for him to speak again.

"It's hard," he finally admits, sounding almost like a child."I'm sorry."He immediately composes himself, the consummate master.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I chose this path. It's my burden.""It shouldn't have to be a burden," I argue. "And it will get

better.""What do you mean?""Well, you have ten of us who have been training with you for

months now. Didn't you say that after we're Knighted, we'll starthelping you train new apprentices?"

Luke looks uncertain. "I don't know, Mara…""Why not? Because it's your burden? Didn't you say when we

first got here that we'd all be responsible for the growth of the JediOrder?"

"Yes, but—""So what's changed?" I demand."I dunno. I guess I finally realize how big of a responsibility

training people really is.""A responsibility we can all help you with, Luke.""I know, but…I'm the first of the new," he whispers."The first," I emphasize. "You train us. We train others. Then

we're all equals.""But no matter what, I'm still the first. What I do will affect the

Jedi Order for ages. I just can't ignore that.""I can't pretend to know how you feel, Luke. But you need to

know that we all care about you as much more than just the leaderof the Jedi Order. We care about you as a friend. And I…Iespecially care for you, Luke. I want you to be happy."

He looks at me again, and I cannot comprehend theexpression in his eyes. Not knowing what else to say, I get up frommy couch and sit next to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Ihold on to him until he places his arms around me, and afterseveral moments I feel his body begin to relax against me.

We stay like that for a long time, holding each other in silence,until Luke looks at his chrono and sighs. "I'm taking up all of yourtime, Mara," he says regretfully.

"I don't care," I reply, and he pulls back to smile at me.As our eyes meet, I feel that unmistakable shiver go down my

spine again, and this time, I can't stop myself; I lean forward andpress my lips firmly against his. We stay there, unmoving forseveral long seconds, locked in a chaste kiss that we both knowcontains so much more meaning…and then I realize what I'mdoing and abruptly push away, launching myself off the couch andacross the room.

"Oh, shavit!" I curse, unable to look at him. I pace back andforth and eventually end up staring at the wall. I run my fingersthrough my hair and scream at myself for being such a completeand utter idiot.

Finally gaining the strength to face him again, I turn around. Hehasn't moved; he's sitting in the same position with his hand to hismouth. "I'm so sorry," I whisper.

Coming to, Luke shakes his head vigorously. "No. No. Don't besorry."

I let out a frustrated yell and bang my first against the wall. "Iwasn't supposed to do that!"

"Yeah, I can relate," Luke says…and even though I know that Ijust broke our unspoken promise, and that this is deadly serious, Ican't stop myself from laughing. Our eyes lock and he starts tolaugh too, and after a minute I am laughing so hard that I can nolonger control myself.

I collapse back onto the couch and hold my sides, trying tocatch my breath. Luke rolls off his couch to kneel down next to me,his face inches from mine. He is beet red and he starts coughing.

In between breaths and laughs, I gasp out, "Where's the…Jeditraining…for this…Master?"

"Sorry," he chokes out. "Master Yoda never…kissed me inthe…middle of a…lesson and then…made me laugh…uncontrollably."

Again I can't contain myself, and I turn over on my back,bellowing out laughter to the high heavens. Aimlessly I punch athim, but it's futile and he ducks away.

Then I get a mental image that makes me laugh so hard that Ifind it hard to breathe, but no matter how much I try, I cannot stoplaughing. This whole situation is just too damn ridiculous.

"What are…you laughing…at now?" Luke chokes."Trust me…if you want…to ever be…able to…stop laughing…

you don't…want to…know!""Oh that's…not fair…now I…have…to know!"I'm hiccupping now, but I respond anyway: "I just thought…

about what…Palpatine…would say if…he saw us…together…right now!"

For a moment Luke looks horrified, and I regret my words…butthen his laughter becomes even louder.

"Oh…my…stars…you'd be…in sooooo…much trouble!""Stop! Don't make…me pee…my pants…Luke! These are…

the only…clean robes…I have!""So…I shouldn't…try to…tickle you…then?""Don't…even da—AH!" I start screaming as Luke reaches up

and grabs me by my waist, pulling me down next to him on thefloor. He starts tickling me and even though I didn't think it waspossible, my laughs grow harder. I tickle him back of course, andhe starts crying, which makes me laugh even more.

He finally stops tickling me when I start to choke and itbecomes very obvious that I am not getting the air I need tobreathe.

"Okay, calming exercises!" Luke calls out. He takes my handand I feel his Force sense washing over me, calming me down,and making me feel absolutely at peace. After several minutes, weare both completely still, lying motionless against each other.

We are still holding hands."Thanks, Mara," Luke whispers, staring at the ceiling. "I

needed that.""Yeah. Best lesson ever. Just promise me one thing.""What's that?""Promise me you don't do this with any of the other

apprentices.""What, Corran never told you about our tickle fights?"I snort and playfully slap him on the arm. He grins back at me

and his thumb starts to caress my hand…and this time, I don't feela shiver run down my spine. I am just grateful to be here, with myfriend.

friend.As if he's reading my mind, Luke squeezes my hand. "Thanks

for being my friend, Mara. No matter what, I want you to know that Icherish that."

Turning on my side, I roll my eyes at him. "Don't get allemotional on me, Farmboy."

"Farmboy?""Oh, sorry—Master Farmboy."Luke chuckles again, but after a few moments he grows

serious, studying my face. "What are we doing?" he asks, gentlycupping my cheek with his palm.

I know exactly what he's asking, and there are so manyanswers I can think of. But as always, I can't face the truth of thematter just yet. "We're waiting for you to get this lesson back ontrack again."

He looks at me, and for just a moment, I see a look ofdisappointment in his eyes. Then he nods and pushes himself up,helping me to my feet. We settle down on our opposite couches,and he takes my hands and begins to pull me into the Force.

Feeling emboldened by this new connection between us, Iopen myself up to him more than ever before. I can feel himheading towards the wall in the back of my mind, but this time Idon't put up my shields. I sense his surprise and his eagerness toscale the wall with me and help me see what lies behind it…butbefore we can do so, I am thrust back into old memories I've triedso hard to forget. They swirl around me like dust in the wind, and Ihave to keep reminding myself of where I am right now—in theJedi Academy on Yavin IV, with Luke Skywalker, my master.

But my mind keeps focusing on one particular group ofmemories. I am on Tatooine, sand swirling around me, heading

towards Jabba's Palace. I am dressing as a dancer, waiting formy prey to arrive. I am standing in the shadows, watching the boywho I've been sent to kill, wondering just who he is, and how hecan possibly be so strong. I am standing in front of Jabba the Hutt,begging him to let me go with the execution party, but no matterhow much I plead, he refuses. I am sitting alone, with my masterinvading my mind, saying words that crush me—I've failed anddisappointed him.

I have thought about that day so many times over the past sixyears, but never once since coming to the Academy. It is the onepart of my past that I want to forget more than anything—I wasmeant to kill the person with who I now train. The person I trust withmy life. The person I am proud to call my friend, and laugh with.The person I care about more than any other.

Sensing my turmoil, Luke gently pulls me away from thosememories, surrounding me with a calming light, and I bury myselfin it, allowing him to give me strength.

I do not know how long this lasts…but suddenly Luke jerksaway from me and falls backwards over his couch, landing with aloud thud on the floor.

I am ripped out of the trance; I feel sick and have to suppressthe urge to vomit, and I fall back on all of Luke's healingtechniques, because I can sense that he is in desperate need ofhelp.

Then I finally compose myself and run to him, Luke is staringstraight up at the ceiling, his eyes wide with alarm, gasping forbreath, almost convulsing. He does not take notice of me, and Ishake him, trying to get him to focus on reality.

"Luke! Luke!" Finally he looks at me, and I hold my breath uponseeing the fear in his eyes.

And then, no longer focused solely on Luke's well being, Isense it, too.

"Something terrible has happened," he whispers. "I need to getto Exar Kun's temple, now."

I nod and pull him to his feet. "Come on," I say, dragging himout of the room behind me.

"I can go by myself."I give him a sharp look. "No way, Skywalker. I'm going with

you.""Mara—""I'm going with you," I repeat with finality. Luke knows it's futile

to argue, and we quickly make our way to the landspeeder. To mysurprise, Corran is already at the driver's seat, Tyria sitting besidehim, both looking concerned.

"Going somewhere?" Corran asks, and I realize that he hassensed it, too.

Luke is too worried to protest, so we jump in the back withoutquestion. Corran slams on the accelerator before our bottomseven touch the seats.

None of us speak a word on our way to the temple. When wefinally arrive, Luke leaps out of the speeder before it can evencome to a stop. I wait for Corran to park, and then exit the vehiclewith him and Tyria.

The three of us glance at each other and then slowly make ourway to the entrance, as if we are all hesitant to see what waitsinside. "Did you sense it?" Corran asks.

I nod. "I was with Luke," I reply, again too preoccupied tocorrect myself. "He felt it first. He almost went into convulsions…" Itrail off, my worry getting the best of me.

"It'll be okay, Mara," Tyria reassures me.

But as we enter Exar Kun's temple, I immediately see that Tyriais wrong.

Luke is kneeling in the middle of the temple, his head clutchedin his hands. I recoil away from him, overwhelmed by the completeand utter despair radiating from his soul. Tyria rushes to his sidebut Corran keeps moving forward, to the body I only now notice,lying on top of the altar.

The dead body.It is Jes Gantoris, who has become one of Kyp Durron's

closest friends and mentors at the Academy. After collectingmyself, I follow Corran to the altar, and we go about examining thebody. My old training kicks in and I do not allow myself to feel anysort of emotion towards the person lying there, lifeless.

"There's no sign of any wound," I remark, running my fingersover the body.

"No, there's not…what could have done this?"I take a deep breath. "I think we know.""Exar Kun?""That's what I'm thinking."He pauses. "You know what else I'm thinking?""You mean that bad feeling we had before?""Yeah, that's the one.""You think Kyp Durron was here when this happened, don't

you?"Corran nods. "Yeah. I do."I reach out into the Force, and upon considering the possibility

that Durron was somehow responsible for Gantoris's death, mydanger sense starts spiking like crazy. It is nowhere near absoluteproof, but somehow, I know that the boy was involved.

I sigh and close my eyes. "Now I have a really bad feeling

about this.""That makes two of us."We finally leave the altar and walk back to the others. Luke is

still sitting in the same place, being comforted by Tyria, but hetakes no notice of her. He stares straight ahead at the dead body,no trace of emotion in his eyes. But then he glances just slightly inmy direction, and I sense it—I know that he has heard every wordthat Corran and I have said.

But I do not back down, and in the part of my mind that is nowconnected with his, I can tell that he is finally starting to believe me.

11. Chapter 10

A/N: Song for this chapter: Reflections of Passion, YanniCHAPTER 10The next several days fly by swiftly, and we all can't stop

speculating about what really happened to Jes Gantoris. Cilghal,who has been studying Jedi healing techniques, isn't able todetermine a cause of death. From her examinations, it seems as ifGantoris dropped dead of his own accord, but we all know better—that Exar Kun's spirit most certainly had something to do withthe man's death.

Corran and I keep our suspicions about Kyp Durron toourselves, but make it a point to keep an eye on him as much aspossible. Corran takes to practically trailing him everywhere, whichis fine by me. To Durron's credit, he seems genuinely distraughtover Gantoris's death and, when Luke questions him, doesn'tappear to have been involved. I know that Luke would be able totell if Durron was lying directly to his face, but I still believe thatthere is more to the story than the boy is telling.

Luke doesn't press the issue, but he does grow even moreattentive to his golden-boy student, as if he believes that the extraattention will keep Durron on a straight and narrow path. I knowthat Luke feels responsible for what has transpired, so he willtherefore try to ensure that nothing bad happens again on hiswatch; and to do that, he will take even more control over hisAcademy, much to my dismay.

Thankfully, Luke's spirits are brightened by the arrival of HanSolo and Chewbacca, who've offered to bring some much-neededsupplies to the Academy; no doubt Leia Organa Solo had some

influence in convincing Han to make the out of the way trip, and Ican't help but wonder just how much of Luke's mood she cansense from all the way on Coruscant.

When I head out to the landing platform to help unload thesupplies, Luke is already there, talking and laughing with his oldfriends. Han flashes me a roguish smile when he sees me.

"Why hello there, Jedi Jade," he greets.I roll my eyes. "Please, don't call me that. It sounds ridiculous.""Now you know how I feel," Luke interjects."Don't you worry, there's no way in hell that I'm ever calling you

'Master Skywalker,'" Han teases, and Chewbacca growls inagreement. "Do you actually call him that, Mara?"

I shrug. "I have to. He makes me."Luke's mouth drops open in protest. "I do not!""Oh yes, he does!" I tease, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"He just loves it when I call him 'Master.'""Yeah, I'll bet he does," Han mumbles under his breath,

causing Chewbacca to guffaw loudly. Luke turns bright red andkeeps unloading the supply crates, avoiding the rest of us, but Iturn to Han with my hands on my hips.

"Excuse me?" I ask indignantly.Han smiles, looking proud of himself. "What?"I narrow my eyes at him. "You just watch yourself," I hiss,

pointing my finger in his direction."I'd tell you to do the same, but I think Luke does enough

staring for the both of you."My eyes widen in shock, and I drop the crate in my hands and

stalk forward until I'm right in Han's face—as much as I can be atmy height. He continues to smile, refusing to back down. My icyexterior hardens as I begin to wonder what exactly Luke has told

exterior hardens as I begin to wonder what exactly Luke has toldHan about our "relationship." Han is his best friend, and more thananyone Luke would turn to him for advice.

Or maybe Han is just way more perceptive than anyonebelieves.

I roll my eyes and turn away before making a bigger deal of thesituation than it needs to be. "You just watch it, Solo, or I'm gonnacomm your wife and tell her about that extra crate of ale youbrought and say you intend to corrupt her brother."

"Hey! I'm sorry, okay? Leia doesn't need to know anythingabout that! Mara? Mara!"

That night I eat dinner with Corran and Tyria, wanting to giveLuke privacy with his old friends. They sit in the corner of the mess,talking and laughing loudly. Luke does a good job of seemingengaged in the conversation, but it's obvious through the Forcethat he is distant. His mind is elsewhere, as it has been sinceGantoris was found dead in Exar Kun's temple. If Han realizes this,he doesn't say a word, but instead keeps giving Luke reports fromthe mopping up action against the Imperial Remnant. From what Iam able to overhear, the Remnant has been pushed back into asmall corner of the galaxy centered on Bastion, their capital. A fewleftover warlords and admirals continue to squabble with eachother over territory, making the New Republic's job of recruitingnew worlds that much easier.

I can't even imagine what the situation in the galaxy would belike if Grand Admiral Thrawn had been victorious, and am eternallygrateful that never came to pass. Thrawn was brilliant, to be sure,but just like so many others, he had been too twisted by Palpatineto be trusted.

Luke eventually leaves Han and Chewbacca alone, heading offto do Force-knows-what, and not long after that Corran and Tyrialeave to get in some sparring practice, but I tell them to go withoutme, hoping that I can talk to Han about Luke.

I make my way over to their table and plop myself down inLuke's now-empty seat. "Got any extra ale?" I ask.

Han cracks open a bottle and passes it to me across the table."You supposed to be drinking, Jade? Is 'Master Skywalker' okaywith that?" he smirks.

"Oh, shove it," I reply before downing a large gulp from thebottle. "I'm done for the day, as a matter of fact."

"I thought a Jedi's work is never done."I sigh and prop my chin on my hands. "Some people would

have you believe that," I say pointedly. Chewbacca growls inagreement.

"Yeah, the kid never lets himself rest, does he?""Nope," I agree. "I'm worried about him.""Yeah?" Han raises his eyebrows. "And just why is that?"My mouth twists into an ironic smile. "Oh, wouldn't you like to

know.""Who says I already don't?" Han replies, grinning wickedly.I grimace, but to my surprise, I am not mad that he knows about

Luke and me; instead, I feel relieved not having to hide it anymore.I take a deep breath. "So he told you what's been going on, huh?"

"He didn't have to, but thanks for the confirmation," Han gloats,leaning back and threading his fingers behind his head. I throw mybottle cap at him, kicking myself for falling for his trap. "I knewsomething was gonna happen between you two after you wereshot down during the Katana fleet battle."

I laugh despite my annoyance with him. "Really, that far back?

I'm impressed. Luke thought you only started to suspect somethingon Wayland."

He shrugs. "I could tell by the way he acted around you. Hedidn't wanna leave your side. And then all that stuff with C'baothhappened and he gave you his old lightsaber, and, well, you'dhave to be an idiot not to figure it out after that."

"Well according to you, a lot of people here are idiots."Han raises an eyebrow. "Including him, you mean?""No, he's figured it out," I sigh. "He just won't let himself do

anything about it. He thinks he can't form attachments because ofhis position in the Jedi Order."

Han's quiet for a moment, and Chewbacca growls somethingsoftly.

"Yeah, he's always held himself to a higher standard thaneveryone else," Han agrees.

"Ain't that the truth.""So, Jade," Han continues, kicking his feet onto the table,

"what are you gonna do about it?""Me?""You're part of this equation too, aren't ya?"I lower my head and bang it against the table. "If only it were

that easy," I mumble."I think it runs in the family. They have to make their lives

incredibly difficult.""Yeah, well, I wish he'd realize that he doesn't have to go

through all this on his own.""He'll figure it out.""Possibly. But even if he does, I'm not even sure that anything

should be going on between us.""Why not? You don't feel the same way about him?"

"Of course I do, and don't you dare repeat that to anyone,Solo! But I'm his apprentice. It would be wrong of us to betogether. We kind of made an unspoken pact not to let anythingelse happen between us."

"Oh, well, I'm sure that unspoken pact will be upheld to thehighest of standards the next time you two get alone and hemakes you call him 'Master.'"

"I hate you.""Besides, Mara, you're not gonna be his apprentice forever.""No…but he is going to be 'Master Skywalker, founder of the

New Jedi Order' forever. And he'll continue to carry all hisunrealistic expectations that come along with the job," I sigh.

Han gives me a sympathetic look. "He blames himself forGantoris's death, doesn't he?"

I nod; Han definitely is way more perceptive than most peoplethink. "Yeah, which just makes this whole situation even worse. Atfirst he was adamant about all of us being equal here at theAcademy, but he's starting to try to control everything 'cause he'sso afraid of something bad happening again. Who knows if he'llever relax and let himself be a normal person again?"

"With you, you mean?"I look up, and the roguish grin is back on Han's face. I down the

rest of my ale in one gulp, and then reach over the table. "Gimmeanother bottle," I demand, and Han chuckles.

"She's drinking heavily, Chewie, you know what that means—it's serious…Ow! That hurt, Mara!"

Later that night, after saying good-bye to Han and Chewbaccaand pacing around the meditation garden for several hours, I find

myself back in my quarters, unable to sleep. I toss and turn foranother hour before giving up and pushing myself out of bed. I puton my robes and clip on my lightsaber, intending to get in someremote practice, what I normally do when I can't sleep, becauseI've never been able to master the art of a Force trance.

But once in the lift, before I can stop myself, my hand pressesthe button for Luke's floor on its own accord. I immediately flinchand move to press the correct button, but can't bring myself to doso. Sighing, I wrap my arms around myself and settle in forwhatever is about to happen.

Before I can even bring up my hand to knock on his door, itslides open by itself. Hesitantly, I look inside, but Luke isn'tanywhere to be found. "In here," I hear him call from his bedroom.He is the only one at the Academy with more than one room—another perk of being in charge.

I slowly walk into the other room, pausing just beyond thedoorway, all too aware that this is the first time I have been insideLuke's quarters, and I am already in his bedroom.

Those thoughts quickly go away as I see Luke sitting on thebed, facing the window with his back to me, his shoulders slumpedover. I have to suppress the urge to run to him and wrap my armsaround his shoulders and make everything okay. Instead, I standthere motionless, waiting for him to acknowledge my presence.Almost unnoticeably, he pats the bed next to him, and I oblige.

"Is it appropriate for me to be here?" I ask lightly.Through the darkness, I see a smile creep onto his face. "Has

our relationship ever been appropriate?""I guess at some point I wasn't compelled to kill you.""Or have vowed to make my life so difficult.""Is that what I do? Make your life difficult?"

He doesn't mince words. "Difficult? Yes. Completely worth it?"He finally looks at me. He gently touches my hair and smiles. "Oh,yes," he sighs.

I roll my eyes. "Getting all emotional on me again, Skywalker?""Can't help it around you, Jade.""Oh, shut up," I say, shoving him lightly with my shoulder. He

shoves me back, and then we sit there, motionless again, staringout the window into the jungle beyond. I can see the top of ExarKun's temple in the distance. Sighing, I lay my head on hisshoulder, wanting to comfort him. "It's not your fault, Luke."

"That's what everyone says.""Well, it's true," I insist. "You told us not to go there. You can't

blame yourself for what happened to Gantoris.""I know," he whispers."But you'll do so anyway?""You don't understand, Mara.""Make me," I demand. He shakes his head. "You're blaming

the wrong person, Luke.""And who should I be blaming?""I think you know.""Kyp doesn't know anything. I questioned him myself.""I know, but that temple is wrong, Luke," I argue. "You've been

there yourself. You know how it feels. The darkness inside—it canmake people do terrible things. Kyp Durron is the most powerfulstudent here—yes, even more powerful than me," I add beforeLuke can interject. "But he's untrained and has no control, andworse, he wants revenge on the Empire. He is a bad combinationof anger and power and he worries me."

Luke sighs against me, considering my words but unwilling todo anything concrete about them without proof. "I can't kick him out

just because you have bad feelings about him. Those are all thereasons why he needs to stay here, so I can watch him and helphim."

"Not if he was involved in this, Luke.""No, especially if he was involved in this.""Luke—""Don't argue with me, Mara! You do not understand."I lift my head and glare at him. "Make me." He doesn't respond.

I turn his chin around to face me, so that my next words can reallysink in. "You can't do everything by yourself, Luke. You're going tobreak if you keep this up."

"No, I won't."I sigh and shake my head in aggravation. "And you say I make

things difficult."Luke's lips curl into another smile. "I learned from the best."

After a few seconds, he wraps his arm around me, allowing me tolay my head on his shoulder again. "I'm sorry for getting angry."

"Don't be. It's refreshing, actually. It makes you seem morehuman. Sometimes I think you need to remind yourself that you'reonly human."

Luke's eyes lose focus, as if he is remembering a momentfrom a time long past. "Much anger in him, like his father," hewhispers.

"What?"I feel his fingers start to play with my hair. "Master Yoda said

that about me, when I arrived on Dagobah.""Vader let his anger control him, Luke. You don't. That's the

difference between you two.""You don't understand, Mara. You didn't know him.""Excuse me?" I ask in disbelief, pulling away from him and

sitting up completely straight. He instantly cringes, realizing hismistake. "I think you're forgetting something pretty damn important,Luke."

He's quiet for a moment, trying to get up the courage to pose aquestion he's always wanted to ask me. "Go ahead," I prompt him.

Luke bites his lip in hesitation. "What was he like?""You know what he was like," is all that I feel comfortable

replying."Please."I sigh, remembering all my interactions with Vader; all the times

he exploded at me, coming entirely too close to snuffing out mylife. If I'd only known then that one day I'd be sitting here with hisson, training to be a Jedi, and in possession of his old lightsaber.

"I didn't like him," I reply. "He definitely didn't like me. It wasunderstood between us. We worked together when necessary.That was it." Again, Luke stares at Exar Kun's temple, tall in thedarkness, all his fears and worries echoed in the lines of his face."You are nothing like him, Luke."

"He wasn't always Darth Vader.""No, he wasn't. But that doesn't mean you're going to follow the

same path he did. You're too strong, Luke—if you were able tostand up to Palpatine, then nothing can turn you. Trust me."

"I still worry. I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop."I feel badly bringing up the subject, but I can't help myself. I

have to. "Even at the expense of your own happiness?"He looks at me again, sadness and guilt reflected in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispers."Me, too," I reply."I wish I could turn off my feelings for you.""Me, too."

"Me, too.""But I can't."I sigh. "So what do we do now?""I don't know."I laugh, unable to control myself. "Force, this is so messed up.""No, don't say that," Luke replies, looking disturbed by my

comment. "You're not messed up.""Oh, please. I have more issues than a holozine stand.""You'll get over them," he promises."Just like you'll get over yours? You know better than that,

Luke."He shrugs. "I guess I do."Not knowing what else to say, I stand up to leave, but Luke

holds me back. "Please stay," he whispers, and I'm reminded ofthat night in the garden, lying on our backs, looking at the stars.Again, I give in to him, and reach out my hand to touch his face. Hetakes it and kisses it gently.

"So what do we do now?" I ask again."I don't know," he repeats, rising from the bed. I force myself

not to look into his eyes, because I suddenly feel the urge to slaphim…or to cry.

Either one would do at this moment.Sensing my thoughts, Luke opens his arms and, against my

better judgment, I press myself against him, sighing into hisembrace. Through the Force, I feel the turmoil that rages inside ofhim—his desire for happiness battling with his very real fear offollowing in his father's footsteps.

Slowly, I feel him relax against me, and I know which side haswon the battle. His hand begins to move up and down my back,but I tense and pull away before anything else can happen. He may

have decided to let his desires win out this time, but I cannot affordmyself that luxury. I cannot let my heart rule my head. I throw up allmy shields as I remember Corran's words of advice to me: Try notto get hurt.

"Don't do this if you can't follow through, Skywalker," I growl, myeyes shooting daggers at him. "Don't put me through that."

"I know," he whispers. "I'm sorry. You deserve better."You deserve better, I think, but I do not say it aloud. He

deserves to be happy. He deserves much more than the burdenhe has placed upon himself.

"But I just can't push this issue aside, Mara," he continues,once again reading my mind. "I wish that I could. You have no ideahow much it's killing me not to just say 'kriff it' and let myself be withyou."

"But even if you did, you're still my master," I sigh, bringingmyself back to reality, and all of my own reasons as to why wecannot be together.

"And you're my apprentice. Everyone is my apprentice. I justcan't ignore the feeling that if I let myself be with you, somethinghorrible is going to happen."

"Dammit, Luke!" I explode, balling my fists and pushing himaway from me, no longer able to contain my frustration. "You're aregular human being with feelings and desires just like everyoneelse! Acting on them isn't going to ruin the galaxy! You're being sostupid—I mean, do you seriously think that love is going to makeyou turn to the dark side?"

Love.I regret the word as soon as it leaves my mouth. For long

moments we stand still, staring at each other, the word thick in theair that separates us, like smoke. The word echoes inside my

mind, taunting me, reminding me of what I can never have—because Luke will not allow himself to care—and of what I neverknew I so desperately wanted.

Love.Incensed with myself, I turn on my heel to leave. I am no longer

the old Mara Jade, who was once the Emperor's Hand. I have notbeen that woman since Wayland, and I do not want to be her everagain. But now, with that word finally admitted aloud, I once againenvy the girl who was always able to ignore her feelings and focuson the task at hand. She would never have so innocently utteredthat word.

Love.Before I can leave, Luke's hand is on my arm, pulling me back

to him. His touch is firm but gentle, warm and tender. His eyes arefilled with passion and desire. He stares at me for a long second.

And then we are kissing again.In that moment, it is unspoken between us. I will never let myself

say it out loud, but I know that, for better or for worse, that's whatthis is…

Love.

12. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11Light streams in through the window, falling on my face and

pulling me from a deep sleep. I blink my eyes open to an unfamiliarceiling and furrow my brow, trying to figure out where I am.

Suddenly it comes to me. I am in Luke's bed.I sit up with a start, but before I can gasp out loud, I look down

and see that I am lying safely on top of the covers and still fullyclothed. I place my hand to my chest and force myself to breathregularly. "Oh, thank the Maker," I murmur as I lie back down.

"Tell me, should I feel terribly insulted that you're so relieved westill have all our clothes on?" Luke's voice comes from beside me.Grimacing, I glance over at him. He's lying on his side, looking atme with shining blue eyes and a dashing smile on his face. I brieflywonder how long he has been watching me sleep.

Sighing, I rub my face with my hands and groan. I thoughtthings were bad before. This is much worse.

But, as always, I'm unable to resist him, so I roll over on myside to face him. Hesitantly, as if he's worried that I'll slap himaway, he leans forward and kisses me gently on the lips. Eventhough my head is screaming at me to stop, I kiss him back.

I wish I could taste him like this every morning.A string of Huttese curses comes out of my mouth as I pull

away from him, realizing just how much trouble I've gotten myselfinto. Luke raises his eyebrows at me, that huge grin still plasteredacross his face. "My breath stink that bad?"

I take the pillow from beneath my head and hit him with it, hard."Only you could make light of this situation, Skywalker!"

"Hey, you're the one who said that this is messed up, not me.""Yeah, well, you're doing a very good job of proving me right,

you know.""Just how is this messed up, Mara?""Well, let's see, there's the fact that you think you need to be a

Jedi monk, the fact that not too long ago I was your sworn enemy,the fact that now we're master and apprentice and us screwingaround might be just a tiny little violation of the Jedi code…need Igo on?"

Luke doesn't stop grinning at me. Instead of refuting all myclaims, he swiftly grabs my waist and pulls me on top of him.Before I can protest he kisses me fiercely, and against all mybetter judgment, I let him. Our kiss deepens and he runs his fingersthrough my hair. His lips move up my jaw line to my ear, and Iinvoluntarily let out a whimper as he starts to do things with histongue that are definitely against the Jedi code. I feel his handsmove under my robes and I am now intensely aware that if I don'tstop this right now, things are going to get much, much worse.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I abruptly push away, leaving himbreathless beside me. "I have to go," I mumble, trying to get upfrom the bed, but he doesn't break his hold on my arm.

"Please stay," he says.This time, I won't give in. "No. I have to go. I'll be late.""Mara," he chides me. "You have lightsaber training with me

first thing this morning.""Oh. Right."His smile turns wicked. "So I grant you an excuse for being

late," he says, pulling me back to him."Oh no, you don't!" I cry, finally breaking his hold and leaping up

from the bed. "We are not showing up late together. I don't need all

from the bed. "We are not showing up late together. I don't need allthat gossip flying around."

"Yeah, I think it's too late for that. Your comlink has beenbuzzing all morning long."

I grimace. I was supposed to meet Corran for breakfast. He'sprobably pounding on my door as we speak. "Oh, kriff."

I hear Luke chuckle as I make my way to his fresher. "Thatoffer's still on the table if you wa—"

The fresher door hisses shut behind me before he can finishhis sentence.

Leaning up against the wall, I run my hands over my face andlook at myself in the mirror. Oh, this is bad, I think. I spent the nightin Luke Skywalker's bedroom. In Luke Skywalker's bed—with himin it! It doesn't matter that we were both still fully clothed bymorning. I might as well have slept with him; at least then I could tryto pretend that this is just about sex, and not my stupid feelings.

What the hell am I going to do?I can't bring myself to think about the larger issues right now.

Instead I'll just wash up as best I can, comb and pull back my hairso it looks presentable, and head to the mess like nothing unusualhas happened. If Corran asks about my whereabouts, I'll say I wasmeditating all night long. And if he hounds me about it, I'll sic Miraxon him.

Clearing my thoughts as best as possible, I go about washingup, and a few minutes later deem that I no longer look like I spentthe night in someone else's bed, making out like some lovesickteenager.

I step out of the fresher, and when I look up, I stop dead in mytracks. Luke is facing the window, completely naked, changing intoclean robes.

My mouth drops open and I am unable to take my eyes off ofhim. A million indecent thoughts run through my mind, and I am tornas to whether I want him to turn around so I can see the rest of him,or whether I want to him to stay right where he is so I can stare athis naked backside for the rest of eternity.

After a few moments of shocked silence, Luke grows still as herealizes that I am watching him. Before he can turn around to faceme, I knock some sense into myself and curse again, running backinto the fresher and locking the door behind me. I hear Lukestumble and fall to the floor as he loses his balance, and sense hisembarrassment radiating through the Force.

I lean up against the wall, closing my eyes against the memoryof him, and will myself with every fiber of my being to think aboutlightsaber techniques, or the history of the Jedi Order, or even oldmissions for the Empire—anything to take my mind off of LukeSkywalker's glorious naked backside.

Just as I start to calm down, I hear Luke knock on the fresherdoor. "It's safe to come out now, Mara." I take a few deep breathsto calm myself even further, and then open the door and walkbriskly past him like I didn't just see him naked. Luke follows me tothe door but I can't bring myself to look at him. I am blushing thedeepest shade of crimson in the galaxy. At least he seems just asembarrassed as I am.

Before I can open the door, he grabs my hand to stop me. I stillcannot bring myself to look at him. He steps closer to me andbegins to caress my hand, making shivers go down my spineagain. Despite his embarrassment, he seems emboldened by ournight spent together. His mask has disappeared.

"Can I see you tonight?" he whispers in my ear.I shouldn't even be considering this. I need to walk away and

say no. I need to put an end to this before I end up in his bedagain, this time not safely clothed come morning. I need to stopthis before I get hurt again.

All I say in response is, "Okay."I remain completely still as Luke leans forward and kisses me,

but I do not push him away. I close my eyes, and after a fewmoments I finally give in, wrapping my arms around him andrunning my hands through his hair. We stand there for a long time,kissing silently and slowly, and in the part of my mind that is stillable to think, I realize that something very fundamental haschanged.

As he pulls away, I open my eyes, and he smiles at me.I have not seen him smile like this since before we arrived on

Yavin IV. It is a smile of pure contentment, one that contains noburdens, no fears, no self-doubts. He has not seemed so carefreesince before he took on the burden of rebuilding the Jedi Order.He looks just like the Luke Skywalker I met on Myrkr—theoptimistic farm boy who trusted me even as I pointed a blaster athis face; the confident Jedi who took down a squadron ofstormtroopers without even being able to use the Force.

Seeing his smile, and feeling his happiness shine through theForce, I wonder…has he finally learned?

I can only hope.

Corran doesn't buy my excuse for being late to breakfast for asecond, and once in class, with Tyria as an accomplice, the twobecome merciless. While sparring, I manage to get Luke's arminto a firm hold behind his back, which prompts snickers fromTyria and a sarcastic comment from Corran about 'MasterSkywalker' liking it rough. Luke turns to him with a smirk and

Skywalker' liking it rough. Luke turns to him with a smirk andraised eyebrows, and the forward, straight-talking CorSec andRogue Squadron veteran actually flinches away, flustered by theJedi Master's boldness, and I have to stifle my laughter.

Later on, as we head to the mess for lunch, Corran asks me inan awed tone, "What the hell did you do to him?" I just look at himand smile.

Luke is waiting for me near the entrance to the mess when wearrive. "May I speak with you for a minute, Mara?" he asks with avery Jedi Master-like expression on his face. I nod, looking like adutiful apprentice, and he takes me by the arm and leads me to anempty classroom nearby, leaving Corran to gape at us as we walkaway.

Once the closes behind us, I spin around and pull him into apassionate kiss before he can utter a word. He responds in kind,wrapping his arms around me and pressing me closer to him.After a minute we both break away, breathless, and I bite my lip asI stare up at him.

"You wanted to see me, Master?" I ask innocently, playing withhis robes.

"Oh, you are bad." He pulls me towards him again and startsnipping at my ear.

"You're the one who asked to see me, Master," I remind him."Huh," Luke comments as he moves to my other ear."What?" I ask, as I start to tremble under his ministrations."Just remembering something."I close my eyes and reach out with the Force. "Oh my, Master.

Those are some very naughty thoughts you're having."He holds me at a distance and stares deep into my eyes. "Well

it's all your fault."

I grin and sigh with pleasure as his lips press against mythroat. "So you do like it when I call you 'Master.'"

He groans and grows more insistent in his exploration of myneck.

"Careful, Master," I breathe. "You've got classes to teach in afew minutes."

"Then stop calling me that," he growls."I don't know what you're talking about, Master."Unable to restrain himself any longer, Luke throws me up

against the wall and kisses me so hard that I have the windknocked out of me. But I don't care. I kiss him back just as hard.

We stay that way for a long, long time. The only thing thatmakes us break apart is the chrono on Luke's wrist that startsbeeping incessantly. He tries to take it off and throw it against thewall, but I place my hand on his wrist, stopping him.

"You have students to attend to, Master Skywalker," I whisper."I thought that's what I'm doing right now," he whispers back.Slowly I pull away from him, smoothing out his robes and hair

with my hands. "No. I told you I'd see you tonight, and I will.Remember, Master…patience is a virtue."

Luke sighs and closes his eyes. "Did I ever tell you thatpatience is one of my weakest characteristics as a Jedi?"

"Well, then perhaps we all have something to learn here, don'twe?" I kiss him lightly on the cheek and lead him out of the room.Once in the hallway, I shake his hand; this time, I am the one to rubmy thumb gently against the side of his palm, and I see his eyestwinkle in amusement. "Thank you for that very enlighteningdiscussion, Master. I will see you later this evening."

And with that, I turn on my heel and head back towards themess, where a very curious-looking Corran Horn is waiting for me.

After lunch, during which Corran ribs me non-stop, I head to one ofthe training rooms with Tyria for some hand-to-hand combatpractice. Tyria is one of the only people here who can actually floorme, so naturally I love sparring with her.

"So," she says as we start to fight, "Corran says you weren't inyour room this morning, and that Master Skywalker had someurgent matters to discuss with you before lunch."

I roll my eyes and block her blow, twisting her arm around, butshe escapes my grasp. "Yeah, so?"

She kicks my legs out from under me, but I pull her down as Ifall, forcing her onto her back. Shaking hands, I pull her back upand we start again. "So are you gonna tell me what's going on?"Her eyes twinkle with amusement as she blocks my quick blows.

"None of your business," I grunt as she tries to get in aroundhouse kick, "and tell Corran to shut his big mouth."

Tyria laughs and uses the distraction to knock me to theground. I scowl at her, but then shake her hand as she pulls me tomy feet. "Come on, Mara, you can trust me. Remember, us girlsgotta stick together! Besides, it's completely obvious to those ofus with eyes…or the Force."

"Well if it's so obvious then you don't need me to tell youanything."

We fall to the floor in unison, rolling over each other, and Imanage to yank her arms over her head again. "Dammit Mara,that hurt!" Tyria says, rubbing her shoulder as I jump to my feet.

"Sorry, Sarkin, you gotta be quicker than that.""Sheesh, I hope you're not this rough with Master Skywalker.""You want me to yank your arm out again?""Aren't people supposed to be happier after they get some

"Aren't people supposed to be happier after they get someaction?" Her words stop me in my tracks and I stare at her. Sheholds my gaze, smiling. "Oh, is that the problem, you haven't gottenany?"

The old Mara Jade would be furious at people talking abouther this way, but to my surprise, the new Mara Jade doesn't care.Because Tyria's right…I am happy. I'm happy because of Luke.And I don't care who knows. Let them talk.

I shrug sheepishly. "Not yet," I reply, a blush creeping acrossmy face as I think about my upcoming evening with Luke.

Tyria grins at me. "Damn, girl! You and the Jedi Master? That'sa volatile combination."

I sigh. "You have no idea." Tyria bursts out laughing and givesme a squeeze before we begin fighting again.

After she floors me, Kyp Durron enters the room armed with hislightsaber. I narrow my eyes at him but he ignores us, igniting hisweapon and focusing intently on the training remotes around him,as if we're not even there.

He starts to practice and Tyria watches him in awe. "Wow, he'sreally good," she whispers.

I nod at her. "Yeah, he's good," I admit begrudgingly. But notbetter than me, I think, a thought that reassures me for reasons Icannot understand.

Tyria and I continue our workout, Durron still taking no notice ofus. After a few more rounds, Tyria leaves for her private lessonwith Luke, promising that she won't try to steal him away from me. Igive her a swift kick on her bottom, eliciting loud laughter as sheskips away from the room.

After she leaves, I decide to stay in the training room, both toget in some lightsaber practice of my own and to keep my eye on

Durron. I briefly wonder where Corran is, as he's taken to trailingthe boy since Gantoris was found dead.

"Wanna spar, Jade?" Durron calls as I ignite my lightsaber. Ijump, startled; I didn't think he realized I was in the room with him. Ilevitate my remote in front of me, regarding him casually.

"No, thanks," I reply, turning my attention to the remote."Oh, come on," he says, goading me. "You think you're so

much better than me? Prove it."I turn and narrow my eyes at him, once again wondering how

he was able to sense my thoughts. "I don't think that's a very goodidea, Durron."

"Why not? You worried I'll win and Master Skywalker will start tofavor me over you?"

My anger starts to rise, and I reach out into the Force forserenity. "I really don't think I need to worry about that."

"No, you wouldn't, huh?" he sneers, looking at my chest, wheremy necklace rests safely under my robes. I bite my lip, wonderinghow in the galaxy he even found out about the necklace in the firstplace, when I've never shown it to anybody, and what exactly heknows about Luke and me. He said he was good at readingemotions, but this is just creepy.

"It's none of your business, Durron. Go back to your remotes ifyou know what's best for you."

"What's the matter, Emperor's Hand? Scared?" he spits out,stalking over to me, and I immediately bring my lightsaber up toguard, still desperately trying to push down my anger. I want toreach out and break every bone in his body, but I force myself togo through the calming exercise that Luke has taught me. ButDurron doesn't back down, and he stops directly in front of me, hisown lightsaber ignited but held casually at his side.

Yes, I am scared, and I suddenly feel the urge to leave, now.I turn towards the door but Durron reaches out and stabs down

with his lightsaber before I can move. Years of instinct take over asI block his blow and yank his arm backwards. He gasps in pain butis able to pull himself out of my hold before I can flip him over ontothe floor.

"Think twice before you do anything else, Durron," I warn. "Youwant to face off against the Emperor's Hand? You can have her. Iwon't hold back."

Our two sets of green eyes lock on to with each other, andthen, just like that night in front of the turbolift, I see a sickly gleamin Durron's eyes.

A sickly, yellow gleam.He grins wickedly and lunges at me.I thank the Force for all my hours of private lightsaber training

with Luke, because Durron is frighteningly good, much better thananyone of his age and skill should be. My skills with a lightsaberare better than any of the other students here, but Durron ismaking me work hard to fight him off. His blows are hard andfurious, and fueled by pure rage…just like a Sith.

I know that Durron is not a Sith. As much as I dislike him, thereis no way that can be possible. But even so, something horriblehas happened to him. I sense the dark side in him, and he isembracing it, fully.

I urgently try to disarm him, knowing that, even if I do, I cannotput an end to this. Luke needs to face him, and figure out what hashappened.

Luke…In that part of my mind that is connected to his, I reach out with

the Force and call to Luke. Using all of my strength, I kick Durron

back and he goes flying away from me, and I take that second tosend Luke a vision of what is happening.

"No!" Durron yells. He calls the Force to him and shoves hishands outward, pushing me back with all of his power. I fly throughthe air and brace myself for the pain before I slam against the wall.

It still hurts, badly.Cursing, I use the Force to suppress the pain running down my

spine and push myself up give chase. Durron runs down thestairwells, bypassing the turbolifts, and I try to catch up with him,but he has gotten too much of a head start. I reach out to Lukeagain to show him where Durron is headed.

I finally catch sight of the boy again as I burst onto the landingplatform, heading towards the speeder bikes. With nobody aroundto stop him, he jumps onto a bike and zooms away into the jungle. Irush to another bike, but at that moment Luke comes running upbehind me, grabbing my arms and pulling me away.

I yell out in frustration but he holds onto me, forcing me to calmdown so I can tell him what happened. I feel his Force senseflowing around me, but I'm too distressed to fully relax. He turns mearound to face him and holds my face in his hands, his eyes deepwith concern. "Are you okay?" he asks, kissing my forehead.

My breath is short and shallow, but I answer as best I can. "Heattacked me, Luke! He came at me like an animal!"

"What happened? What did he say?""Nothing! It came out of nowhere! Tyria had just left the room,

and he asked to spar, but I said no, and then he attacked me! Andhis eyes…"

Luke straightens up, and when he speaks, his voice is moreserious than I've ever before heard. "What about them?"

It hurts deeply to tell him this, knowing what it will do to him, but

I have no choice. He has to know. "They were yellow, Luke. Justlike Palpatine's. Just like a Sith."

Luke backs away. "No…that's not possible," he whispers."I don't know how, Luke, but he is possessed. He isn't himself.

We have to go find him before something awful happens!""No," Luke says emphatically. "You stay here.""Like hell I will!""I need to do this on my own, Mara.""Luke, this is not the time to have that same old argument—""Then let's not have it!" he shouts, grabbing me and glaring

down at my face. "Please, Mara, try to understand this one time.Please."

I glare right back at him. "I will never understand."He shakes his head and releases me. "I'm going to find him.

Stay here," he orders.I gaze into his clear blue eyes, seeing the torment inside of

them. Just a few hours ago, I had hoped that Luke had finallylearned to let himself be a normal human being. I had hoped thatwe had finally overcome all the obstacles standing the way of usbeing together. Now I fear that can never be the case, and itmakes me want to hurt Kyp Durron even more than I already do.

I know that Luke will not back down, so I stop arguing andplace my hand on his cheek. "Be careful," I whisper.

He nods and kisses me softly. "Please, watch over everyonefor me. I trust you." Then he jumps onto a speeder bike and fliesinto the distance.

I wait a good thirty seconds, then jump onto another bike andfollow him.

13. Chapter 12

A/N: Song for this chapter: Cursum Perficio, EnyaCHAPTER 12It is difficult, but I don't press the throttle too much as I follow in

Luke's wake. I keep a safe distance, not wanting to catch up withhim, but not wanting to let him get too far ahead of me, either.Even as the day turns in to night, I have no trouble making my waythrough the jungle. It's as if Luke's light is guiding my path.

When I arrive at Exar Kun's temple, I see two speeder bikesparked outside. I park mine further away so that Durron cannothear me approach. I know that, even if Luke does not hear mearrive, he will most certainly feel my presence, so it's futile to try tohide from him. But somehow I know that letting Durron realize I amthere would be disastrous. I put up all my mental shields, both tohide my presence from Durron and not distract Luke.

Using every memory and every instinct of my training as a spyand assassin, I creep towards the temple's entrance, able to seeclearly even through the oncoming darkness. Pressing myself upagainst the walls, I slowly make my way inside, creeping acrossthe ground so that I cannot be seen, and hide in a corner.

Luke is standing in the middle of the temple, his lightsaberalready ignited by his side, the light from his green blade throwingshadows on his face. Kyp Durron stands on the altar, his back tothe both of us.

"You shouldn't have come here, Skywalker," Durron hisses,and his voice is not his own. It is the voice of a Sith.

He turns around, and even from my place on the opposite sideof the temple, I can feel the evil that has taken over him. He ignites

his own lightsaber and holds it menacingly in front of him.Luke does not back away. He does not show fear for his life or

his safety, but I can sense his deep fear for the life, and the soul, ofthe boy standing in front of him. "Don't do this, Kyp," he whispers.

Durron laughs, taunting Luke. "No Kyp Durron here, Skywalker.You're too late. Poor boy, he's already gone. And it was so easy toconvince him to join me, especially with you as his teacher."

"No," Luke shakes his head. He takes a step forward towardsthe altar. "I know Kyp is still in there. I can feel him. You can't win,Kun."

"Fool!" Durron cries. "I have won already! Do you forget yourdead Jedi student? I killed him, Master, just as I will kill all ofthem…except for her.

"Oh yes, you know exactly who I mean. Having her as myapprentice would be most fitting. It will be so pleasurable to breakher…but the most satisfying thing of all will be watching you fallapart as she is twisted to do my bidding, just as she once wasbefore.

"And then I will kill you, slowly, and your precious Jedi Orderwill be dead forever, and the Sith will rule again."

It takes all of my willpower not to run further into the temple andslice Durron in half upon hearing his threats, but something—orsomeone—is compelling me to stay out of sight where I am. I havea pretty good idea of who that is, and this time, I will listen to him.

Luke, of course, does not take Exar Kun's bait. He has facedthis temptation before, and he is far too strong to be goaded bysuch words. Instead he sighs, a deep and heavy sigh, and I knowthat he is dreading any action he will be forced to take against theboy standing in front of him. He will give Durron every chance inthe universe to rid himself of Exar Kun's grasp before being forced

the universe to rid himself of Exar Kun's grasp before being forcedto harm him.

Slowly, Luke closes the distance between them. As if from adistant memory, I remember an old legend from the Clone Wars—the hero with no fear. Of course Anakin Skywalker's offspringwould show the same tenacity on the battlefield. And that's exactlywhat this is—a battlefield on which light and dark will fight to thedeath.

"Don't do this, Kyp," Luke says again, still pleading to the boytrapped inside the Sith Lord's thrall.

With a yell, Durron rushes forward and slams his lightsaberdown on Luke's, but Luke is prepared. Even as furious as Durronis, Luke holds him back with ease, and the calm he radiates is adistinct contrast to the turmoil that rages inside of him.

Luke will make himself be calm, because for a Jedi, there is nopassion, only serenity.

The two lightsabers clash together, Luke exerting the aura of apowerful, serene Jedi Master, while Durron rages against him,angered by Luke's calm and easy defenses. Against anyone else,even me, Durron would be victorious; but even empowered by aSith Lord, he cannot hold a candle against my Luke.

As Luke blocks another of his blows, he glares down atDurron's face, trying as hard as he can to reach out to some partof the boy's soul that still exists inside of him. "Please, Kyp!" hebegs. "Don't let him do this to you. Don't let him possess you. Youcan push him out. I know you can!"

"No Kyp here," Durron grinds out, kicking Luke back andattacking once again.

Luke blocks his blow and they circle around each other. Durronkeeps striking out like a caged animal, but he cannot break past

Luke's defenses. Luke keeps his lightsaber in a guard position,but slowly allows his body to take a gentler stance, and tries evenharder to reach out to Durron.

"I know it hurts, Kyp," Luke says, his voice loud and strong andcompelling. "I know how easy it is to just give in and let thedarkness take you. I know how good it feels. But you can fight it,Kyp! I know that you can! You are strong!"

"No!" Durron yells, and this time, I can hear a sliver of the boytrapped inside, struggling to break free.

"Yes!" Luke shouts.Durron shakes his head, now seething in rage. "How would you

know any of that, Master Jedi? You don't know power of the Sith!You don't understand!"

"I understand all too well, Kyp. I have felt the darkness inside ofme. I fight it every day. I know how compelling it is to just give inand make all the pain go away; to make everything right, and theway you want it to be. But you are better than that, Kyp. You canfight him!"

"No!" Durron rushes forward to attack, but this time Lukelashes out with all his power and disarms Durron before the boycan strike. He continues to rush forward, but Luke stretches out hisarm and Force-pushes Durron across the temple. He lands on hisback, stunned.

Rushing over to the boy, Luke grabs Durron's neck and haulshim back up to a standing position. Luke stares into the boy'seyes, as if he is trying to will him back to life. "Fight him, Kyp. Fighthim!"

Durron's scream is immeasurable as his lightsaber flies backinto his hand. He ignites it and the two weapons meet again, butLuke keeps pushing him back, their clashes loud and furious, until

they are both standing on the altar. The darkness swirls aroundthem; I can sense Exar Kun's spirit raging, the Force boiling in theair.

Once on the altar, Durron collapses to the ground, crying out inagony. Luke hovers over him, ready to strike, but then I hear theboy's voice again, loud and strong:

"Get OUT!"In an instant, a wave of furious dark energy flies outward from

Durron. Luke holds on to the altar, preventing himself from beingblown across the temple, and I duck and cover, bracing myselffrom being thrown into the temple wall. When the air finally calms,Luke kneels down next to the boy. Durron falls on his back andstarts convulsing, before settling into a disturbing stillness.

Through this, Luke stays by Durron's side. His eyes close andhe murmurs soft words. After a few moments, the boy's eyes blinkopen again, and somehow I know, even from my place across thetemple, that they are an intense, clear green, every trace of theSith Lord's influence gone.

Durron gasps for breath and then immediately begins to cry,and they are loud, keening wails that settle into the depths of mysoul, disturbing me to no end. Without a second thought Luke pullsthe boy into a hug, and Durron sobs against his shoulder.

"What have I done?" Durron whispers. "What have I done?""It's okay, Kyp," Luke reassures him in soothing tones. "Kun is

gone. You pushed him out. You beat him.""I let him get inside of me," Durron cries. "He told me he could

help me get revenge on the Empire for killing my family…forsending me to Kessel…for everything! And I believed him…I lethim inside my head and I fought against my friend and I killed him!I would have killed you and everyone else at the Academy…I

would have let him take over! What have I done?"Luke doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to. He just gently

strokes the boy's hair, holding him close, like he would a son or ayounger brother.

And through the Force, I realize that Luke does not blame KypDurron at all for what has happened.

He doesn't blame Durron for anything!They stay on the altar for a long time, Durron sobbing into

Luke's arms, and Luke comforting him as much as possible.Watching them, I sense Luke's forgiveness, and it makes my heartturn to ice.

Before they can leave and find me watching them, I drag myselfaway from the scene in front of me and crawl back outside. It iscompletely dark now, but that doesn't matter. Slowly, trying to pushthe immense feeling of dread out of my mind, I creep back to myspeeder bike and start up the engine. Before I fly away, I reach outwith the Force and touch Luke's mind, and in doing so, I amcertain.

Kyp Durron—the boy who trusted a Sith Lord and killed afellow student in the process—will be forgiven. He will bewelcomed back into the Jedi Order with open arms.

I can think of nothing else as I head back to the Academy.

Later that night, after the rest of the Academy has taken refugeunder the veil of sleep, after Kyp Durron has been ushered backinto his quarters with nary a word to the other apprentices aboutwhat just transpired inside Exar Kun's temple, I find myself onceagain standing outside Luke Skywalker's door. I promised Lukethat I would see him tonight, and I will keep my promise, even

though this is not at all how I expected our encounter to proceed.Luke opens the door before I can knock. Without saying a

word, he pulls me to him and presses his lips to mine, both of usunable to resist each other even though we both know that I amhere for very different reasons. We slowly make our way acrossthe living room, our hands moving all over each other. I feel myresolve weakening as our kisses grow more intense, and I fallback onto the couch, pulling Luke down on top of me. His weightfeels so good and I want nothing more than for this to never stop,but after several minutes I remember why I am here and forcemyself to pull away, knowing that this cannot happen.

Not now. Not like this.We stare at each other for a moment, and then I sit up, gently

pushing him off me. The perfect gentleman, he obliges and settlesdown next to me, our legs lightly touching, his hand resting softly onmy knee.

He knows why I am here. He knows that I do not approve ofwhat he has decided to do about Kyp Durron.

Taking a deep breath, I glance at his worried face. "I guess youknow that I followed you."

The barest hint of a smile touches his lips. "I guess I shouldhave known that you would never have listened to me."

"Do I ever?" I ask sardonically.I hear his reply in my mind: I only wish that you would.It seems like a lifetime passes as we sit silently on the couch,

both of us unsure of what to say next, both of us unwilling to hurt theother by giving voice to our feelings.

It is obvious that Luke believes he is to blame for whathappened to Kyp Durron. I reach my hand out to touch his face,wanting to console him and make him see that he is wrong. He

presses his cheek into my palm, sighing heavily, as if he is tryingto expel every worry and burden from his soul, only to find that theywill not go away.

For Luke Skywalker, the worries and burdens will never goaway.

"It's all my fault," he whispers, like a child who has been caughtdoing something wrong and knows that he will undeniably face theharshest of punishments. I remember that feeling all too well, whenI was a little girl being raised in the confines of the Imperial Palace."I should have seen it coming. I wasn't paying enough attention—"

"No, Luke. Don't think that way," I argue. "It's not your fault. Youdidn't send Kyp Durron into Exar Kun's temple. He went there onhis own volition, even after you warned us all of the possibleconsequences. If you want to blame anyone for what happened,blame Kyp Durron himself."

Luke shakes his head vehemently. "I can't do that, Mara.""So you'll blame yourself instead? You'll kill yourself with guilt

over this?"Luke's eyes droop with sorrow and regret. In that moment I

want nothing more than to throw my arms around him and drag himinto the bedroom and make him forget everything bad that hashappened…but I can't. I can't ignore what he plans to do. It goesagainst everything that I believe is right.

"Are you really going to let Durron back into the Jedi Order?" Iask, unable to keep the disgusted tone out of my voice.

He nods, looking more mature and more burdened than LukeSkywalker should ever be. All the innocence that I admire so muchabout him has been hidden deeply away, yet he still clings to hissteadfast desire to forgive, and to see the best in everyone. "Ihave to," he replies. "I have to forgive him."

"Are you sure that's wise?" I ask, and I am once again theskeptical, untrusting Emperor's Hand.

Luke doesn't answer. "What about the rest of us?" I continue."What do you mean?""What happened to the rest of us having a say in how the Jedi

Order is run? Are you even going to consider our opinions on thismatter?"

"I care about everyone's opinions, Mara—""Could've fooled me.""Would you let me finish? I do care about everyone's opinions,

especially yours. But this matter isn't up for debate. This is aboutsomething I believe is fundamental to the Jedi Order—redemptionand forgiveness. I'm not going to put it to a vote as to whether ornot we should forgive Kyp Durron, and that's all there is to it."

"But he embraced the dark side, Luke," I argue. "That shouldbe unforgivable."

"No. It shouldn't. I forgave my father. I can forgive Kyp."I sigh at him. "That is so incredibly different and you know it—""No, it's not!" He finally turns to me, and I see the hurt in his

eyes, and the tremendous guilt he feels for what has happenedunder his leadership. Because he blames himself, he will thereforedo everything in his power to make things right, and the only wayhe knows how to do that is to make sure that Kyp Durron redeemshimself and becomes a Jedi Knight—exactly as he would havedone with Anakin Skywalker had he survived the Battle of Endor.

But even though Durron is just a boy; even though he hasexperienced immense trauma in his life and acted under theinfluence of a darkness that I understand all too well; I still cannotfind it in myself to forgive him. Part of me knows that if Luke is ableto accept Durron back into the Jedi Order, then I should be able to

do so as well. But no matter what I do, the thought of fightingalongside someone who would so willingly embrace the dark sidesickens me.

"Mara," Luke says so softly that I have to strain to hear hisvoice, "just because you can't forgive yourself for your past,doesn't mean that you shouldn't forgive Kyp for his."

For a moment, all I can do is sit completely still and gape ashis audacity. When I finally regain control of my actions, I quicklypush myself off the couch, offended beyond belief by his violationof my very private thoughts. I glare at him with hard eyes; he meetsmy gaze, standing by his words even though he knows just howmuch they have wounded me. And then, not able to spend anothersecond looking at him, I turn around and leave his quarters in arush.

I cannot get out of there fast enough. I cannot get far enoughaway from him. For the first time since I arrived at the JediAcademy, for the first time since I have known him, I cannot bear tobe in Luke Skywalker's presence.

14. Chapter 13

A/N: The word "bicce" was borrowed from the fic Quagmire bykataja. Thanks!

CHAPTER 13Just like our first day the Jedi Academy, the ten of us original

students sit in the meditation garden for a meeting with Luke. Butunlike our first meeting, none of us are in good spirits. We all knowwhy Luke has called us here. He wants to discuss what happenedwith Kyp Durron.

We sit silently, waiting for Luke to begin speaking. Before hedoes, he looks all of us straight in the eye. When he gets to me, Iglare daggers at him. He blinks and looks away.

"Thank you all for coming," Luke says. "I know that you havequestions about recent events, and you deserve to hear from mefirst hand exactly what transpired."

Luke takes a deep breath before launching into the story."Yesterday, Kyp Durron attacked a fellow student. This studentwas able to hold him off and reach out to me to let me know whatwas happening. Kyp escaped, but I followed him to Exar Kun'stemple, where he had fled. Once there, I found that he was nolonger himself. He had been possessed by Exar Kun's spirit.

"Thankfully, I was able to reach out to the part of Kyp that wasstill trapped inside. After a fight, he pushed Exar Kun's spirit out ofhis body, and expressed extreme remorse for what he had done.While possessed, Kyp could not recall his actions, but afterwards,he remembered everything he had done while under Kun'sinfluence, including killing his friend, who had been trying to savehim. And knowing what he had done almost destroyed him."

Luke pauses for a moment, and I can sense his apprehensionabout what he is about to say, even though he has the utmostconviction that he is right. "I want to explain to you my reasoning foraccepting Kyp back at the Academy. First, Kyp is extremely strongin the Force, but he does not know how to harness or control thatpower. If he is expelled from the Academy and left to learn on hisown, it can be almost guaranteed that he will slip back under theinfluence of the dark side. I'm sure you all can agree that is not adesirable situation.

Even I can admit he has a point there."But most of all, I forgive Kyp because it is the Jedi way. If any

of you take the time to speak with him, you will find that he hateshimself more right now than anyone else possibly could. He hasshown repentance, and being who I am, I have to accept that.

Luke stares at me directly when he says his next words. "Iknow that some of you may not understand this, and evendisagree outright. I urge you to please talk to me if you have anymisgivings. I truly value all of your opinions, and want you to all feelcomfortable in your place in the Jedi Order."

I look away from his gaze, suddenly no longer certain in mybeliefs about Kyp Durron. Corran shifts beside me and I glance athim. His expression is as hard as durasteel.

Tyria raises her hand. "Master Skywalker, what about ExarKun? Has he been defeated permanently?"

Luke shakes his head. "I don't know, Tyria. I sense that thedark side is still strong inside the temple. For now, it will remain offlimits."

Nobody else speaks, so Luke dismisses us all. Corran, Tyria,and I walk inside together.

"You don't approve," I say to Corran.

"You don't approve," I say to Corran."Do you?" he shoots back."Not really."He gives me a sympathetic look. "Must be difficult for you.""You could say that. What about you, Tyria?"She shrugs. "I dunno. If Kyp really does feel remorse, and

Master Skywalker thinks he should be forgiven, who are we to sayotherwise?"

"He killed someone, Tyria!" Corran hisses."I know that! I didn't say we should just forget about it. But he

wasn't himself. It could have been any one of us who did thosethings."

Corran shakes his head. "No. Durron was weak andsusceptible. A Jedi should be stronger than that."

His words sting me to no end, especially considering Luke'saccusation from the previous night.

"You forgave me, Corran," I say softly.He stiffens, surprised by my tone. "That's different.""Is it?""I thought you said you didn't approve?""I didn't. I don't…I don't know. I guess…I guess after hearing

Luke's explanation, it's not as black and white as I originallythought."

"Is that you talking, or is that your boyfriend's influence?""He's not my boyfriend, Corran, and don't make me hit you."Tyria punches him, hard."Ow! What was that for, Tyria?""Because that was a stupid thing to say.""Sorry. Anyway, I still don't agree.""You should talk to Master Skywalker about it," Tyria advises.

"I know. But I'm tempted to just leave.""And quit your training? Mirax would kill you!" I tell him."Yeah, she probably would," he agrees. "I've been here long

enough already. I guess I should finish what I've started. But I'm stillnot happy. What about you, Mara?"

I sigh. "You know I'm staying. But I'm not happy, either."We walk the rest of the way in silence. Part of me knows that

Luke is right…but the other part of me just cannot learn to forgive.

Several hours later, after the Academy has grown quiet, afterdarkness has taken over the jungle moon, I feel Luke's presenceburning through the Force like a beacon, calling me to him. Nomatter what I do, no matter how angry with him I may be, I cannotshy away from him.

I check everywhere in the Academy, but he is nowhere to befound. His X-wing is still parked inside the hangar, so there is onlyone other place on the moon where he could be. It is the reasonwhy his spirit is burning so brightly in agony. Even though it's offlimits, I have no choice but to go there. I have to talk to him.

When I arrive, I find Luke standing in the middle of Exar Kun'stemple. He holds his lightsaber firmly in his grip, but it's not ignited.He is motionless, seemingly not even breathing, as if he is in a faraway place.

I approach him slowly, not wanting to startle him. He seems sodistant. I know that he has not sensed my presence.

"Luke?"He blinks once at my whisper.I reach my hand up to touch his face. He stiffens, but he does

not pull away. He continues to stare straight ahead at the altar,standing alone, oblivious to everything else around him, including

me.It is such a fitting testament to his current place in the galaxy."Luke?" I whisper again. He finally turns and stares right

through me with his bright blue eyes, as if he doesn't even see me."What's wrong? Are you okay?" They are such stupid

questions, but they are all I can think of at this moment.He looks back at the altar."Can I help you?"He shakes his head."Please, let me help you."He doesn't respond, so I lift up on my toes to place a soft kiss

on his cheek.He murmurs a soft "No," and his lightsaber drops to the floor

with a loud clang as his hands ball into fists. I feel him gather theForce around him, ready to push me away at a moment's notice,and I brace myself, preparing myself for the onslaught…

Instead, Luke whips around and pulls me to him in a searingkiss. For a moment I remain completely still, but his lips feel so hotagainst mine as they urge my mouth open and I just cannot find thestrength to resist him. His fingers tear into my hair and it hurts, but Iembrace the pain and kiss him back with fervor, hoisting myself upon his shoulders and squeezing my legs around his hips. Hishands travel down my body and he tears his lips from my mouth,raking kisses down my throat, down my chest, and I arch my backagainst him in ecstasy, his name falling from my lips in hoarse,throaty whispers. Our mouths connect together once again and ourtongues dance against each other and I see stars.

But even through such intense passion, something deep insidetells me to stop, that this cannot happen this way, that this is verywrong; but I refuse, entranced by the feel of Luke's body against

wrong; but I refuse, entranced by the feel of Luke's body againstmine…

Then I am flying through the air as he shoves me off him, the"No!" that he utters this time much louder on his lips. I stare at him,dumbfounded, from my place on the floor. He paces frantically,muttering to himself.

"Control, control, you must learn control!"As I push myself up, he turns around to face me. His nostrils

flare with passion and regret and intense self-loathing. "We can'tdo this," he states, his voice emotionless.

For a moment, I cannot even think. Then my jaw sets indisbelief, once again remembering Corran's words of advice: Trynot to get hurt.

If only it were that easy.Furious, I stalk towards him until we are standing face to face.

"I told you not to do this if you couldn't follow through, Skywalker," Isnarl, pointing at his face. He tries to turn away but I grab himbefore he can move. "I don't believe you!" I cry, tugging his robesso hard that I might as well be strangling him. "After all we've beenthrough, after all that we feel, you're still hung up on this damnattachment issue, aren't you?"

Luke glares back at me with unblinking eyes…and then hesays something I never thought I'd ever hear him admit, eventhough I know that he has thought it so many times:

"It would just be so much easier if you weren't here."I release my hold on him and back away slowly, trying to ignore

the scorching pain in my heart upon hearing his words. Tears wellup in my eyes but I blink them away, refusing to let him see me sovulnerable, willing myself to focus on my anger rather than my pain."Really?" my voice comes out, choked. "Is that what you really

think?"I can tell that, even now, Luke is deeply upset at hurting me, but

he doesn't say no.I draw myself up to my full height and think back to all my

training under Palpatine from so many years ago. I shield mythoughts from Luke, not wanting him to know just how much hiswords have hurt me…just how much I really care.

"All right, Skywalker," I say, jutting my chin forward. "If that's thecase, you just say the word, and I'm gone. You can go on trainingeveryone without me being a complication, and I'll go back toworking for Karrde and not having my heart ripped out every time Ilook at you and know that I can't have you. Problem solved."

Of course, he can't make it easy for himself, or for me. Hesighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I can't ask you to dothat, Mara."

"Why not?" I press."…Because I—""Don't you dare say it!" I exclaim. "Not now, not like this."He looks away from me. "You deserve to be here. I can't ask

you to give up being a Jedi just because I can't control myself.""Oh, so you think this is so easy for me, huh?" I demand, my

voice becoming shrill, so unlike the Emperor's Hand that everyonethinks they know. "You think it'll be so easy for me to finish mytraining with you just barely out of reach, finally get Knighted, andthen—what? Stay here at the Academy and watch you slowly takecontrol of everything? Watch you deny yourself everything thatmakes you human? Get sent off on missions that could possiblyend my life, all for a person who won't even allow himself to carefor me?"

"I allowed myself to care and look what happened!" he

screams. "A man is dead and another let himself be possessedby darkness, all because of me!"

"It's not because of you!" I yell, resisting the urge to shake himand make him realize how stupid he is being. "Why can't you seethat?"

"Why can't you see that I'm right about this? You heard whatKun said! I let myself become so infatuated with you that I couldn'teven see what was going on right in front of me! How can Ipossibly lead the Jedi Order when I let myself act like that?"

"Like what, like a normal human being?" Unable to controlmyself, I lash out at him, my fists pounding hard against his chest,forcing him to stumble backwards. "You can be such a stupid idiot,you know that? A stupid, kriffing idiot!"

He grabs my wrists and holds them together with one hand."And you can be such a heartless bicce, so I guess that makes useven."

A lone tear threatens to fall down my cheek upon hearing hisinsult, but my anger is far too intense to let me cry. I wipe the tearfrom my face so hard that my cheek burns. "I just don't get you,Luke. You'll forgive him but you won't forgive yourself for beinghappy?" I ask incredulously.

Now he is the one to lash out, and I have to brace myself fromthe anger that pushes out from him in waves. "Oh, you should talk,Mara!"

I didn't think it possible, but my expression hardens even more."Don't even go there, Luke!" I warn.

"What, you want to deny it? You've been here almost fivemonths and I keep telling that you have to face your past, yet yourefuse to do so! Why, Mara? Why can't you forgive yourself forwhat you once were?"

"Just because you throw out forgiveness like it's a door prizedoesn't mean it's as easy for me to do the same!"

"But this is your life, Mara—your forgiveness! You can't go onliving this way, not forgiving yourself for what Palpatine did to you!"

I rush forward and attack him again, punching him hard with myfists, infuriated beyond belief that he would say such a thing. "Youhave no idea, Skywalker, so don't you even try to understand!"

Luke blocks my blows with ease and pins my arms against mysides. He glares down at me with cloudy, intense eyes. "Makeme."

Even though I know that he could never even come close tounderstanding what I've been through, I can't stop myself fromresponding, from finally releasing every pent up fear and regretthat I've kept inside for so many years.

"You just don't get it, Luke—you beat him! You stood in front ofhim, after he had done everything that he could to turn you to thedark side, and you said no. You threw down your lightsaber, andyou said no. He tortured you, and you still said no! That's what yousaid happened, right?"

I tear myself away from him, but now that the words are out, Ican't stop. "But me? Palpatine plucked me from my happy littlehome and bent me entirely to his will. I was his experiment," I saythe word like a curse. "That's all I was to the entire galaxy—a sick,twisted man's experiment! And I spent my entire life wantingnothing more than to serve him—wanting to be the best littleassassin I could be.

"After he died, I was broken, and I struggled so hard to build anew life for myself. I thought I had succeeded, but even five longyears after the Emperor's death, when I was finally starting to gaina sense of independence, I still found myself compelled to do his

bidding. Even though you helped me learn that everything he evertold me was a complete and utter lie, Palpatine's hold over mewas so strong that, when it all came to a head, I still did it. I didexactly what he ordered me to do."

I pause, allowing myself to breathe again, once again brushingthe tears away from my eyes, refusing to let myself cry in front ofhim.

"What are you talking about, Mara?" Luke whispers."You will kill Luke Skywalker!" I explode. "I heard that voice

every day inside my head after Endor, and when I finally found you,I wanted nothing more than to give in and kill you for ruining my life,and make the voice stop! But then I was faced with the truth—thatnothing was what it was supposed to be—and I knew right thenand there that I could never kill you. Even more than that, I realizedthat, despite everything I said at the time, I no longer wanted to. Iwas already starting to care.

"But in the end…I still gave in.""I'm right here, Mara," Luke says, his voice a stark contrast to

what it was mere seconds ago. He closes the distance betweenus, reaching out to take my hand, but I pull away before he cantouch me. "You didn't kill me."

"But I still gave in!" I cry. "I didn't kill your clone to save your life,or even to save my own life. I killed your clone because Palpatinetold me to! It was his last command, and I had to follow it. Andwhen I killed the clone, and the voice finally stopped, I was elated! Iwas finally free!

"But then the realization set in—that even after so many years,after building a new life for myself, after knowing that everything heever taught me had been a lie…I still couldn't say no to him.

"But you could, Luke—you did! You have no idea the strength it

"But you could, Luke—you did! You have no idea the strength ittook for you to be able to do that! And yet here you are, still killingyourself with worry and doubt about whether or not you'll be able toresist the dark side, and it sickens me, because I envy you somuch for being able to stand up to the Emperor and beat him, andyou can't even begin to understand!"

I finally stop shouting. The temple grows deathly quiet. I stare atthe side of Luke's face, panting heavily, waiting for him to saysomething. But he doesn't speak; he doesn't even have thedecency to look at me after I've confessed my most secretthoughts.

Suddenly I can't take it anymore. Before I can stop myself, I saysomething so horrible that it almost makes me physically ill to hearcoming out of my mouth:

"You have no idea how much I hate you right now, Skywalker."He doesn't respond. He doesn't even flinch at my declaration.Angered to the point of seeing red, I reach up and yank his

head around to face me. "Say the word and I'm gone," I hiss, myvoice cold as ice, and I desperately pray that now, after all that Ihave said, he will grant me my wish.

But he doesn't. He doesn't even say it back to me—that hehates me, too—because he is Luke Skywalker, and he does notknow how to hate. And that makes me envy him even more,because for so many years, hate was all that that fueled me. Hatewas all that I knew.

"I hate you so much," I whisper, trying so hard to convincemyself of that fact, when it couldn't be farther from the truth.

He still says nothing. Finally I turn around and run away into thedarkness, knowing that the only person I hate right now is myself.

I do not go to my lessons the following morning. My comlink startsbuzzing early, but I do not answer. I shut it off and throw it violentlyagainst the wall, shattering it to pieces. My old soldier's instinctbegins to kick in and I feel the urge to go to the mess and eat, butthe urge to ignore the galaxy wins out and I pull the covers backover my head, drowning out the rising sunlight. I don't care if I missLuke's lessons, or my private training with him later on today.There is absolutely no way I can look him in the eye after whathappened between us the previous night.

I can barely even look at myself after what I said to him.I drift back to sleep for several minutes, but then there is a loud

pounding at my door that I can't ignore. I reach out with the Forceand sense Corran on the other side.

"Go away!" I yell. I am not in the mood for more RogueSquadron biting sarcasm about another late night with "MasterSkywalker."

He doesn't back down. "Open up, Mara.""Go away!""Open up or I'm gonna unlock the door myself!" he threatens."You suck at telekinesis, Horn!""I'll use my lightsaber if I have to!""Leave me alone!""Mara, this is important! Stop being a stubborn idiot and open

the kriffing door!"Sighing, I reach out with the Force and unlock the door. Corran

appears a second later in the doorway."Get up," he orders. I pull the covers back over me and shake

my head against my pillow. Corran crosses to the bed and rips offthe covers, throwing them to the floor. He tosses me some cleanclothes and orders me to get dressed before turning away.

"What the hell is your problem?" I demand, finally sitting up andpulling on a tunic, but refusing to move otherwise. "Why do youcare so much if I'm missing lessons?"

Corran turns back around and stares at me. "Where is Luke?"he asks.

I blink at his use of Luke's first name. "What?""You don't know where he is?" he questions, with a suspicious

look on his face."Well yeah, he's in lessons with you."Corran shakes his head. "No, he's not. He's nowhere to be

found. And I know you were with him last night, so just tell mewhere he is, okay, so we can all stop worrying."

"What are you talking about?" I ask, feigning ignorance."Mara, I came by your room late last night, because I felt that

you were upset and thought you could use someone to talk to. Iknow you weren't here."

I don't even try to deny it. I can only think of one thing—Lukenever came back to the Academy last night. My hand flies to mymouth. "I was with him, but…" I trail off, blinking back tears, unableto explain what happened between us.

"Where were you? He's not in his quarters."I shake my head. "No, we weren't in his quarters, we were…at

Exar Kun's temple."Corran looks at me incredulously. "Why in blazes were you

there? That place is still off limits!""I know, but I couldn't find him anywhere last night!" I explain. "I

could sense that was where he was and I just had to talk to him, soI went to see him…"

"Okay, so where'd he go when you came back?"I cringe, remembering the horrible things we said to each

other. "That's the thing…we didn't come back together. I…I left himthere."

Corran gapes at me. "And why would you do such a stupidthing?"

"We…we had an argument," I try to explain, but the wordssound so stupid coming out of my mouth. "I couldn't bear to benear him anymore, so I left him there."

"…It must have been one hell of a fight.""You have no idea," I whisper.Corran rubs his face with his palms. "Okay, well now I have just

one more question.""What?""What are we still doing here? Hurry up and finish getting

dressed!"

The two of us arrive at Kun's temple in record time. Corran parksthe landspeeder next to Luke's speeder bike. All of a sudden mystomach drops out from underneath me, and an intense feeling ofdread washes over my soul. I can sense Luke inside the temple…only he's not.

I run inside as fast I can, and cry out before I even realize thatmy mouth has opened.

Luke is lying on the altar, completely still…as if in death.Without thinking, I rush to him and shake his shoulders, yelling

his name over and over, but he doesn't respond. I put my head tohis chest and feel him breathing, but it doesn't matter…it's as ifhe's not there. Corran rushes into the temple behind me and I hearhim gasp, but I do not acknowledge him.

Because I suddenly remember with utter clarity the taunting

words of Exar Kun, as they were spoken from the mouth of youngKyp Durron:

"I have won already…I will kill you, slowly…"I collapse on the ground next to Luke and hug him close to my

chest, rocking back and forth, willing him to wake up, but he doesnot.

Corran kneels down next to me and places his hand on myshoulder. "It'll be okay, Mara," he soothes. "He's alive. It'll be okay."

I don't respond. All I can do is whisper over and over, "I'msorry…I'm so sorry…"

But Luke still does not come back to me.He is gone.

15. Chapter 14

A/N: Song for this chapter: Breathing Space, X-Ray DogCHAPTER 14Somehow, Corran manages to drag me away from Luke and

pull me into a hug. I throw my arms around him, ready to bury myface in his shoulder and let out all my grief.

But then I stop myself. This isn't me. I'm a fighter.And I need to fight for him.In one fluid movement, I rip Corran's comlink from his belt and

jump up from my place on the floor. "Cilghal, this is Mara. Meet usoutside the temple; it's an emergency. Master Skywalker has beenhurt."

Just as quickly I toss the comlink back to him and reach downto grab Luke's arm. Corran gapes at me, unmoving. "Well are yougonna help me carry him, or do I need to levitate him out to thespeeder?"

Corran blinks, then jumps up, grabbing Luke's other arm andhoisting him to a standing position. We hobble outside the templewith Luke slumped in between us, and I do my best not to look athis lifeless face. On the ride back I sit with Luke in the back of thelandspeeder, holding his hand, trying to reach out to his Forcepresence that seems just barely out of reach.

When we arrive back at the Academy, Cilghal rushes Luke intothe small medical room. She examines him thoroughly, but cannotfind anything physically wrong with him. His vital signs arecompletely normal, and he responds to outside stimulus, but he willnot wake up.

I stay by his side while Cilghal performs her monotonous

examinations, but after she is finished I make myself leave to getsomething to eat. I'm not going to be any help to him if I starve todeath.

I head to the mess and settle down at a small table with Tionne,Kam, Corran, and Tyria. I notice Kyp Durron sitting by himself,looking distraught. He rushes out of the mess as soon as he seesme arrive.

"How are you doing?" Corran asks me, his voice deep withconcern.

"Fine," I reply, forcing myself to believe that statement,because I cannot afford to be anything other than fine right now. Ihave to be strong for Luke.

"Were you able to find anything?" I ask Tionne, who issurrounded by pieces of flimsiplast, several datapads, and the twoholocrons.

The blonde woman shakes her head. "Nothing concrete. I'vefound information about Exar Kun's history, but nothing about howhis spirit came to be in that temple, or how we can possibly defeathim. And now, with him in Master Skywalker's body…" she trailsoff, uncertain of her next words.

"What?" I demand."I believe that Exar Kun's spirit is trying to possess Master

Skywalker, just as he did with Kyp Durron," Tionne explains. "ButMaster Skywalker is too powerful to let him take over. I think…Ithink they're dueling inside his mind, for control of his body."

"So Luke can eventually win out?" I ask hopefully.Tionne shrugs. "My understanding of the Force just isn't strong

enough yet to comprehend what is happening. With enoughpower, we might be able to reach out to Master Skywalker's spiritand bring him back, but I fear he's too far out of reach for us."

and bring him back, but I fear he's too far out of reach for us.""So you're saying there's nothing we can do?" Corran

demands. Tionne looks down at the table, looking forlorn, andKam squeezes her hand.

"She's doing the best she can," Kam says, his voice getting anedge to it.

Corran sighs. "I know. I'm sorry. We're all frustrated andworried right now."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Tyria asks.Tionne hands her a datapad. "This is all the information I've

been able to compile about the fight against Exar Kun thousandsof years ago. Studying the history further can't hurt us."

Tyria nods and turns on the datapad, settling in to read.Suddenly I sigh, realizing that we have forgotten something

very important. "Um…has anyone contacted Leia Organa Soloand told her what's happened?"

Corran groans. "Damn, I knew I was forgetting something. I'll gocomm them."

"I'll go with you," I say, wanting the distraction.When we arrive in the Academy's main office, Corran quickly

establishes a connection with the Solo residence. Instead of Hanor Leia, however, the comm is answered by a golden protocoldroid.

"Hello, I am See-Threepio, human-cyborg relations. Thank youfor contacting the Solo residence. How may I be of service?"

I roll my eyes; all we need right now is a prissy answeringmachine. Thankfully, Corran answers for the both of us. "This isCorran Horn and Mara Jade from the Jedi Academy. We have anurgent need to speak with Princess Leia."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry sir," Threepio apologizes. "I'm afraid

Mistress Leia is not present.""Can we speak to Captain Solo, then?""I'm terribly sorry sir, but Master Han is not present, either.""Where are they? We need to speak with them immediately

about Master Skywalker," Corran demands."I'm terribly sorry sir, but I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to divulge

that information to anyone but Master Luke."I lean forward into the camera and glare at the protocol droid

as much as I can through the HoloNet connection. "Listen, youshiny piece of—"

Before I can finish, a loud twittering noise interrupts theconversation. Luke's astromech comes rolling forward from hisplace in the office, obviously aware that I am about to go off on hiscounterpart.

"Artoo Deetoo!" Threepio exclaims. "It is so good to see you! Ihope that you are faring well at the Jedi Academy. I'm afraid thattaking care of the two young Solo children is entirely too much formy circuits—"

Artoo makes another twiddling noise, cutting off Threepiobefore I can slam my hand through the computer terminal.

"What did you say? Master Luke is in trouble? Oh my! Youmust do something, Artoo!"

"Threepio," Corran interjects with as much patience aspossible, "we appreciate your concern, but could you please tell uswhere Han and Leia are so we can let them know what'shappened?"

"Why sir, they are onboard the Millennium Falcon right now,on their way to Yavin IV."

I slam my hand down on the desk. "Dammit, Threepio, whydidn't you say so before?" I yell as I cut the HoloNet connection,

while Artoo blows raspberries at me.

When Han and Leia arrive at the Academy, they immediately headto the medical room to see Luke. Leia doesn't even look at me,and the thought of Luke's sister being upset with me hurts megreatly. Leia was one of the first people in the New Republic toaccept me, and now I feel as if she blames me for what hashappened to her brother.

I stand outside the medical room, leaning against the wall, asshe goes inside to sit with Luke. Han stays outside with me,wanting to give Leia some privacy.

After a few moments, Han reaches out and grabs my hand."How're you holding up, kid?" he asks, his voice laced withconcern.

I shrug. "I'm fine," I lie, but Han is not easily fooled. He raiseshis eyebrows at me.

I ignore him and slide down the wall, sitting sit cross-legged onthe floor. Han joins me on the ground, cringing as his joints crack."You know, this is just what Luke was like, when you wereunconscious."

"Really?""Actually, I think he was worse. But don't you worry your pretty

little head off," he continues. "I've seen the kid get out of muchworse scrapes than this."

"You mean like on Myrkr?" I ask with a smirk on my face.Han chuckles. "Yeah. Trust me, he'll be fine."I sigh. "I hope so.""Look, I won't pretend to understand what's going on, but can't

you all reach out to him through the Force?""We've tried, but none of us are strong enough," I explain. "It's

"We've tried, but none of us are strong enough," I explain. "It'slike he's just out of reach."

Han gives me a knowing look. "Even for you?" I look down atmy hands, suddenly embarrassed. "Well, what's this? Mara Jade,blushing? Now I've seen it all," Han teases me.

I smile despite my unease, and he puts his arm around me."Come on, Mara. If anyone should be in there right now, it shouldbe you."

I shake my head. He doesn't understand…he doesn't knowwhat we said to each other…that I left him there…that this is all myfault.

Suddenly, I can't help but laugh. "What's so funny?" Han asks."Nothing," I lie, stifling my laughter, but unable to push the irony

out of my mind.Because now I finally understand just how Jedi Master Luke

Skywalker feels every day of his life, as he takes on theresponsibility for everything that happens around him, even when,deep down, he knows he is not to blame.

And it completely and utterly sucks.

Luke!

I wake with a start, his name shouting through my mind. Iglance to my side…but my bed is empty. It always is. And I cannotsense his presence anywhere.

But I just had, so intensely. How that is even possible, I don'tunderstand.

Then there is a knock at my door, and I hold my breath inanticipation, considering what I just felt, and praying that Luke isoutside my door, coming back to me…

But the wind is knocked out of me as I realize that, on the other

side of the door, stands not Luke Skywalker, but Leia OrganaSolo.

Briefly, I consider ignoring her, but it would be pointless."Mara," she begins without preamble after I open the door.

"May I come in?"I nod, not trusting myself to speak just yet. I gesture for her to sit

on my bunk, and take a seat in my much less comfortable chair.We sit facing each other for several moments. In the silence, I

think back to Wayland, and how Leia came to my assistanceduring my duel with Joruus C'baoth. She was one of the firstpeople in the New Republic to trust me, even as I stood in front ofher and told her that I was going to kill her brother.

Not just her brother…her twin. Finally gaining the courage tolook into her eyes, I am almost startled at how much she remindsme of Luke. Not in looks, of course—the two of them do notresemble each other one iota—but when facing her, it isimpossible not to sense Luke's essence inside of her. I shake myhead in disbelief, incredulous that they could have gone so manyyears without realizing their connection in the Force.

Ever the politician, Leia gets straight to the point. "I know aboutyou and my brother."

"Oh?" It is the only way I can think to respond."He didn't tell me anything, if you're wondering. But he didn't

have to.""Your husband said the same thing.""Well, we've known Luke for a long time."I glance down at my hands, hearing her unspoken implication

—that they knew him long before I came along. I grimace,preparing for her onslaught.

"Don't let him be an idiot, Mara."

I look up at her again. "…Excuse me?""I know how strong you are. If anyone can stand up to my

stubborn, thick-skulled brother, it's you. And if you really wantwhat's best for him, you need to do that."

I stare at her, vaguely aware that my mouth is hanging open indisbelief. "You…you want me to be with your brother?"

"Does that surprise you?""Frankly, considering my background, it does.""I admit, I was wary of you at first. I had the displeasure of

meeting the Emperor, and the fact that you were so close to himwas unsettling. But after speaking with you just once, and then yourassistance with Jaina and Jacen, I knew that you could be trusted;that whatever you may have been at one time, you were no longerthat person. But most of all, I saw the way my brother acted aroundyou. I knew that anyone who made him so incredibly happydeserved all my trust."

My mouth begins to tremble. "I make him happy?"It's such a dumb question; I know that I do—he has told me as

much. But he has also told me that I make things difficult, and thathis life would be easier without me, and he consistently fightsagainst his feelings for me.

And I told him that I hate him.Leia smiles at me sympathetically. "You don't see it?""I guess, but…"She shakes her head. "You have no idea, Mara. No idea at

all.""What do you mean?""Luke mentioned that you've taken to calling him 'Farmboy,'"

Leia says. I blush, for some reason embarrassed that she knowsmy nickname for her brother, even as innocent as it is. "It's funny

my nickname for her brother, even as innocent as it is. "It's funnythat you picked up on that right away, when you didn't even knowhim back then."

"Back when?" I ask.Leia takes a deep breath before continuing, as if she's

preparing to give a political speech and try to recruit me to herside. "You know, the first time I saw Luke was when he burst intomy cell onboard the Death Star, ripped off his stolen stormtrooperhelmet, and exclaimed, 'I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescueyou!' I'm sure you know the story. If I hadn't been in such a diresituation, I might have laughed in his face—and honestly, I almostdid laugh at him. He was such a stark contrast to everyone I knewin political circles on Alderaan. You know what I mean."

I nod, understanding completely, remembering all the times Iwas forced to attend Imperial Court and the extravagant balls, andwondering how people could possibly deal with all of that pompand circumstance on a daily basis.

"But Luke was an entirely different breed. He seemed so muchyounger than me, and so innocent. Even after destroying the DeathStar and becoming the best pilot in the Alliance, he still remainedthat innocent farm boy from Tatooine. It was what we all loved mostabout him.

"But then Bespin happened. We fell into a trap and Luke cameto save us, even though I prayed that he wouldn't, but he couldn'tleave us to die there. After we rescued him, and I saw himstanding there onboard the Falcon, it was like I was looking at acompletely different person. Sure, he seemed like the same man,and most people were none the wiser—he still had the samesteadfast desire to see the good in everyone, the same optimism,the same positivity that everyone fed off. But his innocence died

on that day he fought Vader. I didn't know why at first, but later,when he finally told me, it made perfect sense. When Vader saidthat he was his father, everything in his life was shattered."

I bite my lip in anger, remembering a similar moment of myown on Wayland, when I learned that Luke was Vader's son and Irealized that the Emperor's last command was just one final act ofvengeance towards his treacherous apprentice. Like Luke,everything in my life fell apart in that one moment, when I finallyunderstood that everything I thought I knew was a lie.

"He picked up the pieces well enough," Leia continues,unaware of my musings, "and found some peace after Endor, butsince then, he's continued to take on more and more burdens andbecome less and less of that farm boy, especially after openingthe Academy.

"But with you, Mara…all anyone has to do is mention yourname, and his eyes light up, and I see that same farm boy whoburst into my cell on the Death Star. Most people don't notice it,but I do. I see it in his eyes, and I feel it in the Force, even as muchas he tries to hide it from me. And the times I've seen him withyou…it's so hard for me not to burst into tears, seeing how happyyou make him. It's so rare to see him like that nowadays, and hedeserves it so much, more than anybody else in the galaxy. And inthe short time I've known you, I've seen that Luke has changed youas well. Your edge has gotten just a little bit softer…you smile a lotmore…you're the same Mara Jade, only happier.

"You two bring out the best in each other. Don't denyyourselves that. Make him realize that he can't do this without you,because you know how he is…he will take on all theresponsibilities in the galaxy to atone for our father's sins, and hewill do it all by himself. Don't let him do that, because it will break

him."My words…exactly."I can't convince him, Mara. I've tried, and so has Han. You're

the only person who can get through to him. He needs you. Andyou need him.

"So when he wakes up—not if, but when—promise me you'lldo whatever it takes to make him understand that the galaxydoesn't need him to be a fearless Jedi who stands alone, with noone there to pick him up when he falls. The galaxy had thousandsof such heroes, and look what happened to them. No, that's notwhat the galaxy needs—the galaxy needs Luke Skywalker, a farmboy from Tatooine, to lead us into the light.

"And you're the only person who can make him realize that."

16. Chapter 15

A/N: Song for this chapter: Storms in Africa, EnyaCHAPTER 15I stand silently in the doorway, hesitant to move inside the

medical room, but unable to walk away. I stare at Luke, lyinglifeless on the cot, forcing myself to remain strong, and not breakdown upon seeing him in such a state.

I only move from that position when Cilghal greets me. I shakemyself and turn to her. "Hi, Cilghal. Um…is it alright if I sit withhim?"

"Of course. I'll just step out for a few minutes; I have somethings to take care of."

I nod and step into the room, hesitating until Cilghal exits intothe hallway and shuts the door behind her. Slowly, I take a seatnext to the bed.

"Hey, Skywalker. How's it going?" I chuckle as I take in hislifeless face. "Yeah, dumb question, I know. You'll have to forgiveme; I've never talked to a comatose person before, so I'm notreally sure what to do here.

"Anyway, Cilghal said we should talk to you normally, that itmight stimulate your mind or something. I guess it can't hurt. And Ihave to admit that your inability to make smart-mouth retorts isvery appealing. So here goes."

I take out my datapad and begin to read some headlines fromthe HoloNet. "Slingball championships are going on next week onKuat. The Corellian Bashers are favored to win, and of courseCorran is insufferable about it. I still think the Coruscant Stars willbeat them, though. We made a bet on it. Winner has to do the

other's laundry for a month. I better win, 'cause I hate doinglaundry."

I pause for a moment, waiting for his silent laughter to end.Then I continue my rambling.

"Incom is putting out a new X-wing prototype. Corran and Tyriacan't stop talking about it. Apparently Rogue Squadron is going totest it out. So you better get out of this coma or whatever it is soon,because they'd probably kill to have Luke Skywalker test out theirnew prototype. And I know you'd give your right hand to do so.Haha, that was a good one, don't you think?"

Again I pause, imagining him rolling his eyes at my bad joke."I guess you'd probably like to know some serious stuff, being

the great Jedi Master and all. There've been some more battlesnear the Remnant. There's some new admiral, Daala, who hasbeen skulking around the Maw Installation. Ackbar and Pellaeonhave had some more skirmishes. It's been rumored that Pellaeonis starting to think about signing a treaty. Can you imagine whatthat would mean if that came to pass? None of us are getting ourhopes up, but it would be amazing, wouldn't it? I never thought itwould happen in my lifetime—peace between the Republic andthe Empire. It makes you wonder what Palpatine would say aboutall this, huh?"

I pause once more for his unspoken retort."Oh, I almost forgot—your friend Wedge Antilles is getting

married. Corran and Tyria found out the other day and told me totell you. Corran says you're needed at the bachelor party, so youbetter wake up soon. Wes Janson is planning it, so it should bequite the event. And they want you to be in the wedding, so if youneed a date, well, I guess I'd be willing to go with you."

His breathing quickens for a moment, then settles back into its

His breathing quickens for a moment, then settles back into itsregular pace.

"So, yeah, about that. Since I have your captive audience, I'mgonna get some things off my chest, and there's nothing you cando about it."

I reach out and take his hand before saying my next words. "Iwant you to know that you were right. You should mark thisoccasion down, because I rarely say that."

His hand twitches in mine."I should have listened to you. I should have let you help me

confront my past. If I were stronger now, I might be able to saveyou. But I'll still try as hard as I can to get you back. I promise."

His breathing quickens again."You know, your sister came to see me the other night. She

told me to knock some sense into you, and make you see that youcan't do everything by yourself. That you'll break if you try. If thisdoesn't convince you, I don't know what will."

His lip curls."She also said…that we should be together. She's smart, so

I'm tempted to agree with her. Then again, she did marry HanSolo, so I have to question her judgment a bit."

His eyes flinch."I mean, I don't know if you even want to be my friend anymore

after what happened between us. I hope that you do. Honestly, Ican't imagine you not being in my life in some way. Isn't thatridiculous? I can't believe I just admitted that. And you better not tellanyone I said that, or I'll really kill you this time."

A soft moan escapes his lips."Anyway, no matter what happens…I'll always be here for you. I

just hope that now you realize that you can't keep pushing

everyone away…that you can't keep pushing me away…becauseeven I have my limits, Skywalker. I don't know if I can get hurtagain. But, if you still want me…I'll always be here to catch youwhen you fall."

I squeeze his hand, willing him with every fiber of my being towake up, but he does not. I feel tears come to my eyes as I reachup to push a lock of hair from his face.

"I'm so sorry for what I said to you," I whisper as my hand trailsdown his cheek. "You know that I didn't mean it. It's exactly theopposite."

I take a deep breath."I—"I pause, unable to finish my words. Even after all that has

happened between us, I still cannot bring myself to say them aloud.But then again, with him, I don't have to.I love you.Unable to look at him anymore, I rise from my seat to leave the

room, but something stops me before I can turn away. Just barely, Ifeel slight a slight tugging on my arm.

I do need your help, Mara…Breathlessly, I look down, and see Luke's thumb gently

caressing my hand.All of your help…For several moments, I cannot move.Then, my breath catches in my throat, and then I am flying out of

the room, barreling down the hallway towards Tionne's quarters.I know how to get him back.

A group of Jedi apprentices, a former smuggler, and aPrincess stare at me expectantly. I stand in front of them, looking

Princess stare at me expectantly. I stand in front of them, lookingdown at my datapad at the speech I have prepared. I have livedwith the apprentices for several months, and have grown to callHan and Leia my friends. I shouldn't feel so apprehensive aboutspeaking in front of them.

But suddenly I feel terrified. How does Luke do this?I laugh at myself, again appreciating the irony of being thrust

into taking on Luke Skywalker's burdens and truly understandinghow he feels every day.

I take a deep breath and begin to speak. "So, I'm sure you'rewondering why I asked you all here. I'll cut right to the chase. I knowhow to get Master Skywalker back."

As expected, everyone sits up a bit straighter in anticipation.Their excitement bubbles through the Force. Leia gives me aknowing smile, and Han winks at me. I roll my eyes and don't eventhink about looking at Corran and Tyria right now.

"As Tionne said, Master Skywalker's spirit seems to be just outof reach. Whenever we try to reach out to him through the Force,we're unable to bridge that gap. But we've been going about it withthe wrong strategy. We need to work together to reach out to him.Tionne?"

She steps forward. "In some of our lessons, Master Skywalkerspoke about how Jedi of the past were able to join together inbattle meditation. It was very difficult to do this, but as MasterSkywalker always reiterated, a group of Jedi working together isalways greater than the sum of its parts. Mara and I believe that ifwe all join together and fight back Exar Kun with the light, we candefeat him."

For a moment, nobody speaks. I know what they are thinking.We are merely fifteen Jedi apprentices. Sure, many of us are very

strong in the Force, but we have never done something like thisbefore. It was extremely difficult, even for Jedi Knights in the OldRepublic.

"It will be difficult," I say, "but we have no other choice if wewant to get Master Skywalker back. He has taught us everythinghe knows. I know that we can do this."

As I finish speaking, Tyria meets my eye and offers anencouraging smile. I smile back at her before continuing. "Thebattle meld will require a coordinator—someone who is verystrong with the mental aspects of the Force." I turn to Corran, whosits next to Tyria. "Can you do it?"

His eyes widen. "Me?"I nod. "We think you're the best for the job."Of course, CorSec is never one to step down from a challenge.

"I can do it.""Good. Durron?"His head snaps up. "Me?""We need someone to lead the fight against Exar Kun," Tionne

explains. "You've already defeated him."His fear is obvious. "But I…I don't think I can. I don't think I'm

strong enough…I already let him inside me—""But you beat him," I interrupt. "You did it once. You can fight

him again.""You don't understand—""Master Skywalker accepted you back into the Order for a

reason. Do you want to prove him right, or do you want to make usall question why you're here?"

I know that my tone is harsh, but it is necessary. He stares atme for a moment, unable to speak. "Come on, Kyp," I challenge."Prove me wrong."

In that moment, something shifts inside him. His green eyesflash with confidence and self-acceptance. His shouldersstraighten, and his jaw sets in determination. "Okay," he says.

I tilt my head at him."Lastly, we need someone to reach out to Luke's spirit, and

bring him back while we're fighting against Kun," Tionnecontinues. "Obviously, Leia, we think you should be the one to dothat. You're the closest to him."

Luke's sister nods at Tionne. I sense her hesitation, but shedoes not protest.

"Okay, then," I say. "Everyone get a good night's rest. Weleave for Exar Kun's temple at sunrise."

Everyone stands, but Leia approaches me before I can leavethe mess. "You should do it."

I look at her curiously. "Do what?""You should be the one to reach out to Luke.""Me? No, you're his sister. You have the strongest bond with

him.""She's right, Mara," Han chimes in from over her shoulder.

"You're the only one who can bring him back.""No, absolutely not," I refuse. I know that they believe that I can

get through to Luke, but Leia is his sister—his twin. There is noway that what Luke and I have could ever compare to that.

"You're wrong," Leia counters, her brown eyes locking withmine. I take a deep breath, realizing that she has just sensed mythoughts. She clasps my hand. "You need to do this, Mara. I toldyou, you're the only one who can get through to him."

"But—""No buts, Mara! You should be the one to do it. Trust me."I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. "You Skywalkers

really are stubborn."She gives me a smile fit for a Princess. "I know. And that's why

you belong."

He sits alone at the edge of the abyss, his light slowly fadingaway into darkness. Black sand sinks under my feet as I approachhim.

He does not look at me as I sit down next to him. I reach out myhand, but he does not accept it.

"I was hoping you'd come," he says."I almost didn't," I admit."I know." A dark wave crashes at our feet. He inhales deeply,

breathing in the cloudy, salty air. "You never used to have such ahard time believing in yourself. What changed?"

I lean back to stare at the black stars above us. "Everything."Again I reach out my hand to him, but he continues to ignore it.

The air grows thicker between us, and I wonder if I shouldn't havebeen the one to come.

"Why won't you believe in yourself?" he asks against myunspoken doubts.

I don't answer. Instead, I set my jaw, and stick my hand in frontof him again. He looks down at it hesitantly. "We're waiting foryou," I tell him.

He continues to stare at my hand. "Your sister told me to comeget you. I'm not leaving without you."

In the distance, a storm cloud forms. Rain begins to traveltowards us. His light fades even more. "I'm not leaving withoutyou."

"It's so peaceful here," he whispers. "No burdens. No

expectations. No doubts. And now, you're here. It's perfect.""No, it's not, Luke. This isn't what you want.""And here I thought you've been trying to convince me to just be

a normal person.""I have, but I realize now that you will never be a normal person.

It's not what you're meant to be. It's not what you want to be. You'rea fighter, like I am. And no matter what, you will always fight for thegalaxy.

"Do you know why your father gave up, Luke? It's because hehad nothing left. He had no wife, no children, no master, noapprentice, no friends. He had nothing left but the dark side.

"But you have fourteen apprentices fighting for you right now.You have a sister and a brother who love you. You have a nieceand a nephew who are waiting to learn from you. You have friendswho care as much for you as they do family.

"And you have me."Finally, he turns his head. We lock gazes, and again I push my

hand towards his chest, urging him to take it. "I don't know what thefuture holds for us, Luke. All I know is that I want you in it. Please.Let me help you.

"Take my hand."He does.

The abyss collapses in on itself, and for a moment, there isnothing.

Then the universe explodes in a light so blindingly brilliant that Icannot see. I blink my eyes against the light, and I feel his hand inmine, guiding me forward.

The light subsides, and we fall to the ground behind a circle oflight. A large, dark figure looms in the center. A lone man stands in

front of him, the light from his soul forcing the dark man back.I step forward to join the others in their fight, reaching for the

lightsaber on my belt, but Luke's hand stops me. Not like that.I nod in understanding and pull back my hand. He takes it

again, and we join Leia and the other apprentices in the circle.Slowly, our light begins to expand, melding with the others, until weare surrounded in brilliance. The dark man rushes forward,throwing out his arm to push aside the man in front of him and getto Luke, but Kyp stands firm. "No," he says. "You go through me."

They fight, sabers clashing violently, as the light grows evenmore intense, filling my spirit with love. The light pushes forwardand slowly begins to seep into the dark man.

He screams and pushes forward, but the light holds him back.It begins to suffocate him, to crush him, to destroy him.

He looks up, and his yellow eyes connect with Luke's. Theystare at each other, two unmovable objects locked in fiercecombat.

Kyp steps in between them. "I said you go through me," hegrowls.

Then the light explodes.There is a scream.And then Exar Kun is no more.

The wind is knocked out of me as my spirit collapses back intomy physical body. The world spins around but I hold on to Corran'shand, forcing myself to stay upright. I feel nauseous and incrediblyweak, but I force my eyes open. Everyone else looks as sick as Ido, and Han clutches Leia's arm, holding her upright, his eyesdeep with concern.

Then, we all notice it at the same time: a faint glow aroundLuke's body. It grows stronger and brighter by the second.Clasping hands again, we reach out into the Force, calling Luke'sspirit back into his body. I can feel his essence again through theForce, and I reach out to him, urging him back to me. I squeeze hishand…

And then his back arches against the tomb as he opens hismouth to gasp for breath.

The relief in the air is palpable, and everyone begins speakingto him, welcoming him back home. Turning to his right, he faceshis sister, who has tears streaming down her face. She reachesdown to hug him, and Han pats him on the arm, grinning like a fool.The twins murmur soft words to each other, but I cannot make outwhat they are saying.

I watch them for a few seconds, and then Corran puts his armaround me and I lay my head on his shoulder. He smiles andbegins to guide me away from the altar.

I grudgingly turn away, but before I can leave, I feel a gentletugging on my arm, forcing me to stop.

Luke is still wrapped in his sister's embrace, but his other handholds on to mine. Through the Force, he sends out just how muchhe wants to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay, but fornow, this is enough.

I stare down at our hands joined together, and then, as I watch,his thumb begins to move slowly against my fingers, and I hear hisvoice so clearly inside my mind:

Thank you.

17. Chapter 16

A/N: Song for this chapter: Can't Help Falling in Love, ElvisPresley

A/N: Song for this chapter: Full of Grace, Sarah McLachlanCHAPTER 16From my usual spot on the ground of the garden, I watch the

Millennium Falcon disappear into the Yavin IV sky. Just barely,Leia's Force sense reaches out to me, and I smile, sending mineown back to her in good-bye.

After several minutes, I feel Luke's presence at the back of thegarden. He stands there for a long time, both hesitant to enter butunable to walk away, as conflicted as I am.

I sigh, knowing that we can't avoid this any longer."Well, don't just stand there," I call out, breaking the ice. I hear

him chuckle as he walks over and joins me on the ground."So. Does this feel like home yet?" he asks."Yeah," I admit. "I guess it does."I rub my hands over my arms as the air grows chilly, and he

takes his cloak off and drapes it over me. I look at him gratefully."How do you feel?" I question.

"Fine. Tired, but fine. And really glad to be back.""We all are."He smiles and takes my hand. It's quiet for a long time. I close

my eyes, imagining that Luke and I are two normal people on afaraway planet, with no other cares or obligations in the universe,content to hold each other's hands and enjoy each other'scompany on a quiet, serene evening.

Luke shifts next to me, and I know that he has sensed my

thoughts. He wishes it were true, as well.The moment is broken, and we both speak at the same time:"Mara—""Luke—"We glance at each other. "Ladies first," he offers."Age before beauty."He gives me a small smile and nods, anxiety rolling off him in

waves. "I guess we need to talk."My lip twitches. "Yeah."Even through the darkness of night I can see the weariness in

his expression. "You know that I have to take him back.""Yeah," I acquiesce. "But…I guess I still just don't understand

how you can forgive so easily.""It's who I am. I've forgiven people for much worse.""Vader was your father. It's completely different.""No, it's not. You witnessed first hand the atrocities Vader

committed. You know what he did to me, and to Leia, and to Han.And yet, I still forgave him. So if I don't accept someone back intothe Order for just one mistake, what does that say about me?"

I know that Luke is right. I know that Kyp has proven himself,and that he belongs. But no matter how much Luke argues, nomatter how hard he tries to get me to understand, I will neverbelieve that everyone deserves to be forgiven. One thing my lifehas taught me is that not all people deserve redemption.

"What about Palpatine?" I ask."What?" He gives me a curious look.My voice quivers as I explain, afraid of his reaction. "If

Palpatine had renounced the dark side at the Battle of Endor,would you have forgiven him?"

He sputters, indignant at my question. "That's…that's a totally

He sputters, indignant at my question. "That's…that's a totallydifferent situation and you know it!"

"Why? Because he was the master, and not the apprentice?""No—""Because there wasn't any good inside of him?""No—yes! It's a ridiculous question! It would never have

crossed his mind! He was beyond redemption."And there it is—recognition that I am right; that some people

cannot be forgiven. But I keep pushing him. "Why?"Luke is angry now, I can tell, but he struggles to keep his

emotions in check, just as a Jedi Master should. "Oh, let's see, doyou want the long list, or the short one?"

I look him straight in the eye. "I am the long list," I reply, myvoice laced with regret.

As soon as I finish my sentence, Luke's entire expressionchanges. He regards me with such deep sympathy that I amforced to look away. I try to focus on the stars above us, but Luke'shand reaches over and forces me to look at him.

"I could never forgive Palpatine because of what he did to you,"he tells me. "It's as simple as that."

Part of me—the old Mara Jade—wants to slap him for thinkingthis way. I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself. I don't needLuke to protect me, especially when he's been trying so hard toprotect himself from his own feelings and hurting me in theprocess.

But the other part of me—the new Mara Jade, who sprung tolife inside the Mount Tantiss throne room, and blossomed whenLuke gave me his old lightsaber and asked me to train as a Jedi—cannot help but rejoice at his statement.

Unable to reconcile my thoughts, I remain quiet, pulling away

from his touch to look back at the stars, pretending that they aremuch more interesting than the man lying beside me. But his otherhand still holds on to mine.

Then, just barely, his thumb starts to move against my hand.Even though I know that I should pull away, my hand starts to moveagainst his as well…and after several long moments, our fingersare intertwining together, like two lovers. Through this, I get a flashof one of Luke's memories—of him lying unconscious in themedical ward, and me sitting by his side, holding his hand, sayingthat I could never hate him.

"I know you didn't mean it," he whispers.He did hear me that night. He heard everything—every single

word.Even the ones I didn't speak out loud.And that thought suddenly terrifies me."I don't know why I said it," I say, trying so hard not to let him

sense my apprehension about the other things he heard that night."You were angry.""So were you. It doesn't matter. It was a horrible thing to say,

and I feel awful about it.""It's okay. You know I didn't mean what I said either, right?""Which part?" I don't intend to sound as sardonic as I do, and

Luke winces beside me."About you being here.""Yes, you did. You've said it before. I make your life difficult.""Maybe," he sighs, as he breaks contact with my hand to reach

up and touch my hair, "but you are completely worth it."I roll my eyes, still unable to accept his compliments even after

all this time.After a few moments, Luke begins speaking again. His voice

is strong but hesitant, as if he is determined to speak his mind,even though he is petrified that I will now be the one to pull away.

"There's something I need to tell you, Mara. You were whatkept me alive—knowing that you were waiting for me. Knowingthat you were fighting for me. You were what brought me back fromthe abyss. And when I woke up, I realized something…"

Luke's caresses move further up my arm, and I suddenly can'tstop thinking about what Leia asked of me—to convince herbrother to give up all his burdens and be the farm boy again. Iknow that I should do what she asked. I know that she is right. Iknow that I'm the only person who can get through to Luke, and thatwe need each other.

But I also remember Corran's words of advice—try not to gethurt. No matter how strongly I feel about Luke, I can't ignore thatwarning. I can't give in to my feelings only to get hurt again whenLuke again decides that, for the good of the galaxy, he cannotallow himself to care.

And most of all, I just cannot let go of the last remnant of theEmperor's Hand that burns inside of me—the girl who is still soreluctant to let her heart rule her head. Every time I have allowedthat to happen, I have been crushed. For my own self-preservation,I can't go through that again.

Sensing my thoughts, Luke rolls over on his side and turns mychin towards him again. I look into his eyes, keeping my stare asblank as possible, refusing to listen to my heart.

Slowly, Luke puts his hand on my chest and lifts my necklacefrom underneath my robes. He smiles as he runs his fingers overthe crystal, and I think back to the night he gave it to me, wheneverything changed.

As if he is also remembering that moment—which he most

certainly is—he leans over me, his mouth so unbearably close tomine, but he does not close the final distance between us. Instead,he opens his mind to me through the Force. Tears of joy sting myeyes as he sends out all of his desires, all of his thoughts, all of hisemotions…

Just how much he loves me…And something deep inside me snaps.I can't do this anymore.As the realization bursts through my heart like a supernova,

Luke takes a deep breath. His next words echo my very thoughts—our thoughts—and form a soft whisper against my face:

"…I realized I can't deny how much I've completely and utterlyfallen for you, Mara Ja—"

Before he can even finish his words, I reach up and pull himdown on top of me, pressing my lips firmly against his; for once inmy life, allowing my heart to win the battle, and it rejoices in victory.Luke kisses me back eagerly; I taste the smile on his lips, and heis once again that farm boy from Tatooine, his own heart finallyfree of all his unrealistic expectations and burdens. His arms wraparound me, bringing me even closer to him. I feel like I amsuffocating in his embrace, and it is the most wonderful feeling inthe galaxy. Every doubt, and every fear, melts away as Iconcentrate on nothing else but the man holding me in his arms.

I don't know how long we remain exactly like that, kissingpassionately on the ground of the garden, but eventually he lifts meup and carries me back into the Great Temple under the starlight.

Hours later, I rest my head on Luke's chest, grinning like a fool,listening to his heart pound underneath me in ecstasy. I am

glistening with sweat and my hair is tousled, but I have never feltmore beautiful.

I've dreamt about this moment since the first time he kissedme. I've wondered how he would feel. I've wondered how he wouldtaste. I've wondered what it would be like to fall asleep in his arms.

Every time I allowed myself to fleetingly think about thismoment coming to pass, I found myself overcome with abittersweet longing, because I truly never thought it would happen;and even if it did, I believed there was no way that it could ever liveup to my expectations. But now I know that I was wrong, because itis so much greater than I could have ever imagined.

Beside me, his body warm and strong, his mind calm andserene, I feel Luke drifting off to sleep. He strokes my hairabsentmindedly, finally free of all his burdens, just as I am free ofmine.

I turn my head and stare up at his peaceful, sated face. After amoment, he senses me looking at him. His eyelids flutter open andhe gives me a tired smile. "Quit staring at me and go to sleep," hemurmurs.

I shake my head against him, my long red hair tickling hisnaked torso. "No."

"Yes, Padawan.""No, Master."Luke shakes his head and laughs. "Arguing even in bed," he

muses. "Is this what I have to look forward to?"I bat my eyes at him. "If you're lucky."His eyes slowly move up and down my body, pressed up

against his, and he moistens his lips. "Oh, trust me; I know that I'mlucky."

Nothing can stop the huge grin from spreading across my face,

and I lean over to kiss him again. He stifles a yawn as soon as Ipull away.

"Yawning already, Skywalker?" I pout, poking him in thestomach. "What if I'm not done with you yet?"

"Sorry, Jade," he replies, grasping my hand and running hislips over my fingers, "but we've both got long days tomorrow, and Ithink it's safe to say that you've completely worn me out."

"Well, what can I say? You bring out the best in me, Master," Ireply, giving him a wicked smile.

"The feeling is mutual," Luke laughs before yawning again."So, are you gonna go to sleep or not?"

Again I shake my head, and settle into the crook of his arm."No. I just want to stay awake and memorize this moment."

"Don't worry, if I have my way, there'll be plenty more of thesemoments."

I didn't think it possible, but my smile grows even bigger. "Iknow," I say, "but I want to memorize this one."

"Funny, I never imagined that the cool and tough Mara Jadewould be such a hopeless romantic."

"Well I never thought that I'd one day end up in bed with thegreat Jedi Master Luke Skywalker."

"Touché," he laughs, kissing my forehead before wrapping meup even further in his arms. I watch him as his eyes start to close.He sighs contentedly, and a smile graces his lips as he drifts off tosleep.

Ever the gentleman, he has one last thing to say before thathappens. "Night, Mara," he says.

Now it is my turn to sigh contentedly. "Night, Luke."We grow quiet. From outside Luke's window, I can hear the

faint sounds of the jungle. I'm not tired, but there is no way in hell

that I'm moving from this position any time soon. This moment hasbeen too long coming, in so many ways. I just lie there and stare atthe ceiling, listening to his heartbeat.

Just as I think Luke has fallen asleep, I hear his voice again."...Mara?"

"Hmm?"He doesn't answer right away. I remain silent, patiently waiting

for his words. After a few moments, before he finally succumbs tooblivion, I hear a soft whisper escape his lips.

"I love you."My heart stops for long moments.It should be a triumph. It should be a moment of pure joy, to

hear Luke say those words to me without any trace of fear orreluctance or worry. But instead, upon hearing him say the wordsthat I hadn't even known I so desperately wanted to hear, my heartbegins to break in two.

In that instant, Luke's words from earlier in the evening begin toecho over and over in my mind—his claim that he could neverforgive Palpatine because of what the Emperor did to me. At first,it seemed like such a loving, innocent comment. But now, it hauntsme, and I can't push it out of my head.

Luke would argue that I had been brainwashed. I know he'sright; while serving the Emperor, I was led to believe that thingswere much different than they really were. I believed that theEmpire was noble and worth fighting for. I believed that my masterwas honest and just. I believed that Luke Skywalker and the rest ofthe Rebellion were traitors and scum who deserved to bedestroyed.

So I served the Emperor willingly, and I fulfilled his orderswithout ever considering if they came from good or evil. I never

once had a crisis of conscience, because I never allowed myselfto stop and think about what I was doing. I believed in the Empire,and I believed in myself as the Emperor's Hand, and that was allthat mattered. Because of that, my devotion to Palpatine knew nobounds. And even long years after his death, when I finally learnedexactly what he was, I still couldn't break free of his will. I stillobeyed his last command—to kill the man who I now love so muchthat it hurts.

Since coming to the Jedi Academy months ago, I have refusedto confront my past as the Emperor's Hand and learn to forgivemyself. Instead of facing what I was, I have been trying to make upto the galaxy by becoming a Jedi—a being of light—just as Lukevows to ensure that Kyp Durron redeems himself for histransgressions in the dark side.

Even as I have been trying to gain everyone else's forgiveness—Luke's, the New Republic's, even Karrde's—I have neverstopped to consider the consequences of my actions on the oneperson who truly matters: myself. Luke said it a long time ago—Ihave to learn how to forgive myself if I want to realize my fullpotential in the Force.

But I could never find it in me to forgive myself, and now, afterhearing Luke say that he loves me, I finally understand why.

When Luke said he was going to accept Durron back into theJedi Order, I was sickened by the idea of fighting alongsidesomeone who would so easily embrace the dark side. Eventhough I knew that everything Durron did was under the thrall ofExar Kun's spirit, I still couldn't understand how Luke could forgivehim so easily for what he'd done.

But me—I spent my entire life in willing service to those whoembodied the dark side: Palpatine, my master, who I served

embodied the dark side: Palpatine, my master, who I servedloyally and blindly; and Vader, his apprentice, who I servedbegrudgingly, only because it pleased my master. I wanted nothingmore than to do my master's bidding, so I served the dark side ifnot in spirit, but in action.

If I couldn't forgive Kyp Durron for his one dalliance, his onemistake…how can I ever believe that I—Mara Jade, the Emperor'sHand—deserve to be forgiven for a lifetime of them?

I can't.I don't.And that is why I will never be able to realize my full potential in

the Force. Why I will never become the Jedi that Luke believes Ishould be. Why I will never be able to forgive myself.

Because deep down, when I am truly honest with myself…Idon't believe that I deserve forgiveness.

I don't believe that I deserve any of this.Now, as I lie in Luke's arms, the realizations striking me like

cruel, harsh blows, I understand that I have to leave the JediAcademy—the only home I have ever known. I cannot stay. I don'tbelong here. I never have.

Because I don't deserve to be a Jedi.And I will never, ever deserve to be loved by Luke Skywalker.Thinking all this, I curse Palpatine with all of my being, hating

him more than I've ever hated anything in my entire life. Even frombeyond the grave, he continues to destroy my life and deny meevery bit of happiness I've ever known. I almost wish he were stillalive so I could have the chance to kill him myself.

Unable to fall asleep, still listening to Luke's steady, happyheartbeat underneath me, I can do nothing else but wipe away thetears of grief that sting my eyes, for I know that this is the end.

18. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17Unlike the last time I found myself in Luke's bed, he is still

asleep when I wake up. Briefly, I consider the idea of leaving YavinIV without saying good-bye to him, but I can't bring myself to dothat to him. He deserves better.

But I can't bring myself to tell him just yet that I'm leaving. Helooks so peaceful, so happy, so unencumbered by his burdens. Hehas already done so much in his short life, and it truly pains methat he still feels that he has so much more to do.

Closing my eyes again, I think back to that girl who was able toperform any task with logic and reason. The girl who never onceconsidered her feelings or emotions. The girl who never let herheart rule her head. It would be so easy to be her again right now.But I'm not, and I never will be.

Setting my jaw in determination, I push myself up from the bedand start to get dressed. I try to be as quiet as possible, but Lukehears me and stirs. "Where are you going?" he asks sleepily,rolling over and reaching his arm out to try to grab me. He looks sohappy and his eyes are twinkling and I just want to jump back intobed and stay there forever with him.

But I can't. I'd be fooling myself. I don't belong.I give him a fake smile and make up an excuse. "I promised

Corran I'd spar with him this morning."Luke pulls a face. "Leaving me for another man already?"His statement stops me in my tracks. "Never."He tilts his head at me, then smiles. "Comm him and tell him

that Master Skywalker is requesting you for some private

lessons."Even though I feel like the most horrible person in the galaxy,

he still manages to make me smile. "I can't, Luke, I promised. I'msorry."

"Bah!" he replies. He rises from the bed and pulls on a pair ofshorts, then comes to kiss me good-bye. I savor it, knowing thatthis is the end.

When he pulls away, he stares deep into my eyes. "Tonight?"he asks, nuzzling against my neck suggestively.

I nod. Yes, I will see him tonight. And I will break his heart,along with mine.

I spend the rest of the day going through my normal routine asbest I can, acting like the dutiful apprentice when I'm around Luke,and he is too busy to try to corner me in empty classrooms. WhenI'm back in my quarters at the end of the day, I quickly pack up myscant belongings and take one last look around my home on YavinIV. I contemplate telling Corran and Tyria in person that I'm leaving,but I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I feel awful enough justthinking about what I'm about to do.

When I arrive, Luke opens his door with a grin, but it is wipedfrom his face as soon as he sees the satchel on my shoulder. Hestares at it for a second, a look of realization crossing his face,before looking back at me. "Moving in already?" he jokes, trying toconvince himself that I am not actually leaving.

I shield my thoughts from him as best as I can. I know that hedeserves a good-bye in person, but I can't let him know exactlywhy I'm leaving. He would never understand.

Nobody would.

I don't speak, and then he opens the door further, inviting meinside. We stand facing each other in silence for long moments.

"Why?" he finally asks.I swallow, forcing my shields to stay in place. "I just don't feel

like I can do this. I'm not advancing the way I should. I don't thinkthat I'm meant to be a Jedi. I'm sorry."

Luke bites his lip, and I can tell that he is conflicted betweenacting as my lover, or as my master. He opts for the latter. "You'rethe strongest one here. You're getting better every day. You justneed more time."

I shake my head. "No. Time isn't going to fix anything. It's justnot going to work."

Silence falls between us, and he reaches out to take my hand."I think you're wrong."

"I know you do. I hate to disappoint you, but I can't stay hereknowing that I'll never live up to my full potential. I've tried, but I'vefailed."

It is such a blatant lie and I feel awful telling it, but I can't givehim the true reason—that I've figured it out, and I don't believe Ideserve any of this.

Or him.His Jedi Master mask falls off once again, and now all I see in

front of me is Luke Skywalker, a normal man, desperately trying toget me to stay with him, so he can be happy. He tries one lasttime:

"Please stay."I shake my head and force myself to be a heartless bicce, even

though it hurts so much. "I can't."He looks away, his jaw beginning to tremble as he fights off his

own tears, trying to be strong, just like I am. "Why now?" He

doesn't have to say the rest: After last night.I look away, hating myself so much for what I'm doing to him. "It

has nothing to do with you—with us.""Are you sure?""Yes. You know I've been struggling with this for a long time.

This has nothing to do with my feelings for you."Again, it is such a blatant lie, but I cannot tell him the truth—that

it has everything to do with my feelings for him, because I do notdeserve him.

"But you're leaving anyway."I can't respond."Where will you go?" His question makes me hate myself all

the more, because even as I'm breaking his heart, all he caresabout is my well-being.

"Karrde," I reply. "I guess I should be glad he never replacedme, huh?" I add, trying to relieve the tension.

Luke cracks a smile, but it's empty. "When are you leaving?"he asks, his voice trembling, afraid of my answer.

"Now." It is the answer he didn't want to hear. But I can't givemyself one more night with him, or I know that I will never be able topull myself away.

Luke nods. He wants to argue, to fight with all his being tomake me stay with him, but he doesn't. He knows better. Heknows that nothing can change my mind. I'm the old Mara Jade allover again.

Even still, I wish that he would.Instead, he pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me as

tight as he can, and kisses me softly on the cheek. Before his kisscan move to my lips, I tear myself away and turn towards the door,forcing myself to be strong—to once again be the emotionless

Emperor's Hand.As my hand hits the activation panel, he places his hand on my

shoulder. I stop before walking through the door, but I don't lookback at him. "Will you ever come back?" he whispers.

I don't reply. It is the only answer he needs to hear. Slowly, hishand slips away.

Before my tears can start to fall, I pass through the door andleave his quarters for the last time. Luke has already seen somuch of me. I will not let him see me cry.

As my headhunter whines with the sounds of the enginesstarting up, I pull out my datapad and transmit three messages.One is a general good-bye to all the students at the Academy,explaining my false reasons for leaving and thanking them for allthe friendship and camaraderie they've given me. I finger my hold-out blaster that I received on my birthday, knowing that I've neverbefore experienced such a sense of belonging as I did at theAcademy, and wondering if I'll ever find that again.

I send the next message to Tyria, thanking her for being myfriend when everybody else was too wary to approach me. I neverthought I could be friends with someone like her. I will miss herdearly.

The last message is for Corran, the brother I never had, whohas come to mean more to me than I ever thought possible. Mymessage to him is short, but it will tell him all that he needs toknow: I didn't take your advice. CorSec'll be able to figure out therest.

With a heavy sigh, I put down the datapad and begin the launchsequence. Then something compels me to look up.

Luke is standing at the entrance to the hangar, hood up andcloak wrapped tightly around him. Through the darkness I see hisface, and my eyes lock with his.

I put up my shields as quickly as possible, but I know that hehas sensed it. He knows there's something more to my leaving.

But, ever the Jedi Master, he doesn't pry into my thoughts. Hedoesn't rail against me, or try to convince me to stay.

He merely lifts one hand in good-bye. I raise one back at him.Then I maneuver the ship out of the hangar and blast off into the

sky, leaving Yavin IV, and my life as a Jedi, behind.Luke's face is still burned into my mind when I pull the

hyperdrive lever a few minutes later. I collapse back into the couchand close my eyes against the mottled lines of hyperspace, andthen, thinking of all that I've lost, I finally allow myself to cry.

.

.

.

.

.

.I wake with a start, trying to figure out where I am. Looking

around, I realize that I'm in my bunk, and I lay back down, takingdeep breaths to calm myself. It was only a dream...only anightmare.

I try to close my eyes again, but it's no use. Even though it'snowhere near time for me to wake up, I know that I won't be able toget any more sleep, so I get dressed and make my way out of myquarters. After a few minutes I reach my destination. There's onlyone other person awake right now, and I take a seat in the empty

chair next to him. Without saying a word, he hands over a mug ofcaf, and I accept it gratefully, pressing it to my lips. We sit quietlyfor a while, both sipping our drinks, watching the bustling spacetraffic out the viewport.

Talon Karrde doesn't need to ask why I'm awake. We've hadthe same routine every night for the past year, ever since I returnedfrom Yavin IV.

As Coruscant spins beneath us, Karrde hands me a datapad."Final guest list," he offers.

I nod, but set the datapad aside. "I read it earlier."He pushes back his long, graying hair and glances at me out of

the corner of his eye. "Are you familiar with any of the Imperialguests?"

"Yes," I say. "I think they'll be willing to negotiate with you.""Good," Karrde replies. He clears his throat before continuing.

"Did you happen to read the updated guest list for the NewRepublic?"

I nod again and take another sip of caf, still not meeting hiseye.

"Are you sure you're still okay with attending?"I sigh. I really don't need Karrde treating me with kid gloves

right now. "I'll be fine," I snap. "I already agreed to go, so that'sthat."

"I didn't realize he'd be there when I asked you," he saysapologetically. "He hardly ever leaves Yavin IV, after all."

"I'll be fine, Talon," I repeat, my voice icy. "We can't skip thisevent. It's far too important, and besides, you already drove intomy head how much business we'll get if these peace talks end upworking out."

Karrde places a hand on my arm. "Yes, it's important, but if you

Karrde places a hand on my arm. "Yes, it's important, but if youdon't want to go, just say the word. Someone else can go withme."

"Please," I laugh. "Who else do you have in your organizationwho knows the Empire as well as I do?"

"You have a point." He peers at me skeptically, as if he's tryingto find a reason for me not to have to go to the ball. "Do you thinkthey'll be willing to speak with you even after you trained as aJedi?" he asks.

"Well I'm not a Jedi, and you've seen how they act around me.They all love to clamor for the attention of the former Emperor'sHand."

Karrde nods in acquiescence, and we once again fall into acomfortable silence. He's become fiercely protective of me since Ireturned to his employ, but he never has once confronted meabout what really happened to force me to abandon my training.Most of the time, I'm grateful for his concern, but with the ballmarking the beginning of peace talks between the New Republicand the Imperial Remnant coming up tomorrow, I just want him toget off my back and let me do my job. It's the only way to keep mymind off the fact that I'll have to see Luke Skywalker again for thefirst time since I left the Jedi Academy.

We've corresponded a lot via HoloNet messages. At first, itwas completely innocent. He asked me how I was, and I did thesame, and then we delved into small talk about Karrde's businessand the Jedi Order, and then he told me about the twin's latesttrouble, and I told him the latest "Ghent's in love with me" story.

Then he asked me to return to the Academy. I refused politely,and then we went back to the same old small talk.

Then he asked again, and I didn't respond.

Then the cycle started again, and eventually, he asked me tomeet him on Coruscant while he was on-planet doing some workfor the new Jedi headquarters and visiting his family. Again, I saidno, because I knew that, even though I didn't mind correspondingwith him, I could never let myself come face to face with him again.

And then the cycle started again.But now he and I will both be at the ball, and I will have no

choice but to see him, and my stomach flutters whenever I thinkabout looking into those clear blue eyes again.

Even so, I know that the Luke I'll see tomorrow is not the sameMaster Skywalker I trained with at the Jedi Academy. Since I left,he's taken even more control of the Jedi Order, caring less andless about the opinions of the other Jedi. There are many moreapprentices in attendance now, and he makes it a point to lead thetraining for all of them by himself, completely contrary to theoriginal plans he shared with us. I know exactly why he's done this—he still blames himself for what happened with Jes Gantoris andKyp Durron. And even though the rest of the original nineapprentices were recently Knighted, only Kam, Tionne, and Cilghalhave remained at the Academy. The others went back to militaryservice, knowing that they'd have better opportunities there than inthe Jedi Order.

As frustrated as Luke's actions have made me, I can't help butwonder if my leaving the Academy is the reason he's thrownhimself headfirst into leading the Order…exactly same way I'vededicated myself fully to working for Karrde since abandoning mytraining.

Sighing, I sit back in my chair and sip my caf some more, asKarrde starts rattling off about all the dignitaries he wants to speakwith at the ball. I play the dutiful lieutenant and take notes on my

datapad, forcing myself to focus on my job and forget about thebutterflies in my stomach.

But then, at the back of my mind, I sense a presence I haven'tfelt since the night I left Yavin IV. Since the last time I saw Luke'sface, staring up at me in disappointment and heartache, as heheld up a hand in good-bye.

I close my eyes and reach out with the Force, and then I amcertain. Luke is down there now, on Coruscant. I feel his presencebrush up against mine, and even after all this time, after all thathappened between us, as nervous as I am about seeing himtomorrow…it is still enough to make me smile.

19. Chapter 18

A/N: Song for this chapter: The Winner Takes It All, ABBACHAPTER 18The ball, as expected, is a magnificent affair.Karrde and I stand to the side of an elegant ballroom deep

inside the Imperial Palace. When we first arrived, it felt so odd tobe here again. I had spent so much of my life in this place, at fancyballs designed to appease the Royal Houses, acting as both adancer and member of the Imperial court. As Luke once inferred,being here again is almost like coming home…but not. And now,with such an event happening on New Republic turf, it is evenmore surreal.

For the dinner reception, Karrde and I were seated at one ofthe outer tables. Karrde was his usual charming self while I playedthe role of dutiful assistant, mentally keeping track of everythingthat was said as well as taking note of the dignitaries to whom wereally wanted to speak.

And even though Karrde is probably the only one who noticed, Icouldn't help but search the tables for Luke. I caught sight of him,just briefly, as he was seated at one of the head tables. To my utterrelief, he did not have an escort.

As soon as dinner was over, Karrde and I made our way intothe ballroom, circling the room like predators scoping out our nextmeal. True to my word, the Imperials sought me out immediately,while the New Republic officials tended to gravitate towardsKarrde. I couldn't help but smirk at the situation; even after helpingdefeat Grand Admiral Thrawn and training as a Jedi, the Imperialsstill clamor for my attention, just as they have done since it got out

on the HoloNet that I was once the Emperor's Hand.I stand in a casual position, nursing my glass of ambrostine,

not wanting to appear unsociable but not wanting to get tooimpaired to do my job. I hold up the glass, hiding the smile on myface at Karrde's obvious discomfort. A rather amorous-looking,but very annoying, senator from Commenor has cornered him,wanting to discuss potential "business opportunities." He keepstrying to catch my eye over the woman's shoulder, but I pretend notto notice and continue scanning the room for more potentialbusiness partners. Finally I take pity on him and reach around thesenator to tap Karrde's shoulder.

"Excuse me, Captain, but I'm afraid there's an urgent matterthat needs attending."

Karrde nods gratefully and kisses the woman's hand. "Thankyou for speaking with me, Senator. I'll be sure to keep in touch."

Before the woman can respond, Karrde steps around her andtakes my arm, and we make our way to the other side of theballroom. "Took you long enough," he mutters under his breath.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say, taking anothersip of my drink to hide my smile.

"Really? Then what's this urgent matter that needs attending?"I shrug. "I was bored listening to her talk."Karrde throws his head back and laughs. I grin at him.

"Seriously, Karrde," I say, tightening my grip on his arm, "youshouldn't let yourself look so dashing or you'll have even morewomen fawning over you."

He looks down at his extremely expensive designer suit, astark contrast to what he normally wears while onboard the WildKarrde. "What, this old thing?" he asks innocently.

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?""I don't think anyone would believe you if you tried to say that,

Mara," he replies, glancing at my long, elegant green dress."Speaking of which, would it be terribly wrong of me to tell you thatyou look stunning tonight?"

"Only if you don't want me telling Shada you said that.""What?" he sputters."Oh, nothing," I smirk. He gives me a pointed look, but I ignore

him, turning my attention back to looking for potential clients. "So,who's next?" I ask Karrde. He takes out his datapad to check hislist.

All of a sudden, my danger sense spikes. I immediately tenseup and glance around, trying to look casual. I have to remindmyself not to reach for my weapon, as I doubt that the NewRepublic security forces would appreciate the former Emperor'sHand going on the offensive in the middle of an Imperial Palaceballroom. Plus, it's not that kind of warning, just an annoying feelingthat something—no, someone—is out of place.

"What is it?" Karrde asks, taking note of my suspicious mood."Something's wrong," I tell him. He nods but doesn't press me;

he's used to these Force hunches and they always end up beingbeneficial to him.

I look over my shoulder, and then I see him. I narrow my eyes,mentally running over the guest list, and sure enough, this personis very out of place. "Was the guest list updated since yesterday?"I ask.

Karrde shakes his head and pulls up the guest list. "No, why?"I take the datapad from his hand and scan through the

document; sure enough, it's as I expected. I sigh. "Someone's herewho shouldn't be."

"Who?""Sate Pestage."Karrde's jaw drops. "You're not serious.""I'm very serious." I tilt my head slightly in Pestage's direction.

"See him?""That doesn't look like him.""It is, trust me. He's disguised.""Alright, I believe you, but…isn't he supposed to be dead?""Now you understand why he's so out of place." Sate Pestage,

one of Palpatine's closest advisors and the former Grand Vizier ofthe Galactic Empire, was reportedly killed several years ago underthe orders of Ysanne Isard. Even though Pestage attempted to aidthe New Republic in the retaking of Coruscant, many people stillview him as one of the biggest war criminals from the Empire. Notonly that, but the Imperials consider him a defector. There must bea very important reason for him to be here right now, because ifanyone realized that he were in attendance, he'd be under arrestfaster than the Millennium Falcon could make the Kessel run.

And the fact that Talon Karrde, information brokerextraordinaire, did not know that Pestage was both alive andplanning to attend this ball, is not a good thing at all.

"Why in blazes would he come here?" Karrde asks. "That's arather stupid thing to do."

"I don't think he's been here all night. I just got the feeling a fewmoments ago. I think he came here for one very specific purpose."

"And what purpose would that be?"I don't respond. Karrde stares at me for a moment, then raises

one eyebrow in incredulity. "Wait a minute—you?""That's the feeling I'm getting. I think he wants to speak with me

about something. Something very important."

"Well, why wouldn't he just speak with you over the HoloNetinstead of taking this risk?"

"I don't know!" I exclaim. "I'm sorry, but the Force isn't alwaysso damn specific, you know. Next time I'll ask its secretary to takemore copious notes."

Karrde chuckles at my outburst, but quickly sobers. "Well, itlooks like you'll be able to ask him yourself. He's making his wayover here."

"Oh, great," I sigh.I turn around and smile thinly at Pestage, who bows to me. I

was never formally introduced to him during my time as theEmperor's Hand, but we are more than familiar with each other."Mara Jade," he says. "It's a pleasure to see you again."

"Likewise," I reply, shaking his hand and trying to keep my faceas neutral as possible. Gesturing to Karrde, I say, "My I introducemy employer, Talon Karrde?"

Pestage nods and shakes Karrde's hand. "Pleasure to meetyou…"

"Captain," Karrde supplies."Captain Karrde," Pestage finishes. He turns to me again. "I

apologize, Miss Jade, but you'll have to remind me of your currenttitle."

"Captain Jade will suffice. And what of you?""Oh, you already know my title."I am suddenly extremely grateful of all my Jedi training,

because it takes every ounce of self-control not to show mysurprise at his statement. "Really?" I respond. "I wasn't aware thatyou had allied yourself with the Imperial Remnant, especially afterthey supposedly assassinated you."

"That's because I'm not a member of the Imperial Remnant at

all, Captain Jade.""Really?" I repeat, still doing my best to keep the shock out of

my voice.Pestage nods. "I have found a much more…promising

opportunity. In fact, I would very much like to speak with you aboutit soon."

"Is that so?""Yes," he replies. "If you don't mind, I'll have a message sent to

you in a few days time with encrypted coordinates. I assure you,you will find it very beneficial to speak with us."

"Why don't we just speak right now?" I ask, suddenlysuspicious.

Pestage looks around the room. "Oh, you never know whomight be watching…or listening."

I force myself to smile at him again. "Well, then, I look forwardto hearing from you."

"Until we meet again, Captain Jade," he says, kissing my handin farewell.

I wait until he leaves the room before I shudder. "What was thatabout?" Karrde mutters.

"You know as much as I do," I reply dryly. Slowly, we begin tomake our way around the ballroom again.

"What do you think he really wants?"I shrug. "I guess we'll find out in a few days."Karrde glances at me. "Are you going to agree to meet with

him?""I don't know. It depends on what he has to say.""You should find out how he's not dead.""Oh, I'm sure you'll start your research as soon as we get back

onboard the Wild Karrde, if you haven't already commed Ghent to

request that he start an investigation."Karrde laughs and takes my arm again. "You know me too

well, Mara." We arrive near one of the refreshment tables andwatch the dance floor in silence. After a few moments, Karrdeglances over my shoulder and breaks into an enormous grin. "WellMara," he begins, removing the glass of ambrostine from myhands and taking a sip, "I think I'll go find some more potentialclients to woo. Why don't you take a much-deserved break on thedance floor?"

"Hey, I was drinking that!" I protest…but then I grow quiet as helooks over my shoulder again, his expression turning very serious,and nods at someone standing behind me.

As Karrde walks away, I sense a very familiar presence in theback of my mind, once that I hadn't even noticed, as I was too busyconcentrating on my talk with Pestage.

"Hello, Mara." I slowly turn around, my heart beginning to beatrapidly, and confirm what the Force was already telling me.

He stands in front of me, looking so amazingly handsome thatit takes my breath away. He wears a simple but immaculate blacksuit, accessorized with a crisp white shirt and a bright blue tie thatmakes his eyes look even more captivating. His sandy hair,obviously recently cut, perfectly frames his face, making him seemboth incredibly boyish and wise beyond his years. I glance down athis shiny black leather boots; they and the silver lightsaber thathangs prominently from his belt are the only indications that he is aJedi.

I swallow a lump in my throat upon seeing him again. "Hey,Skywalker," I breathe.

Luke stares back at me for a moment, unable to speak. Hetakes in my decidedly non smuggler-like dress, not even trying to

takes in my decidedly non smuggler-like dress, not even trying tohide his attraction. The shimmersilk material hugs my curves in allthe right places, but true to my nature it is not an impracticalgarment, as the flowing material allows me ease of movementshould any trouble arise. Free of its usual braid, my long red hairfalls in waves down my back, shining brightly in the dim light. Lukeabsentmindedly reaches up to touch it, before he realizes what heis doing and stops himself.

Trying to cover, he steps forward and takes my hand, pressingit to his lips, like a true gentleman. "You look absolutely beautiful,Mara," he says, his eyes locked intently on mine.

"Thanks." Trying to ease the tension, I look him up and down,and quip, "You don't look so bad yourself. We really should getdressed up like this more often."

He laughs. Oh, how I missed that sound."May I?" he asks, holding his hand out to me. I nod slowly, and

he pulls me to him, placing his hand on my hip, and we begin tosway in time to the music.

I don't say a word as his other hand reaches out to touch mynecklace, which is for once prominently displayed above mygown's plunging neckline. "I don't think this goes very well with thedress you're wearing."

I look down to see Luke's fingers on the stone that he gave tome for my twenty-seventh birthday. "On the contrary," I reply, "itmatches perfectly."

"I meant that your dress is far too lovely. You should be wearingsomething much more elegant."

I look back up and meet his eyes. "No. It goes perfectly," Irepeat. I don't admit that I haven't taken off the necklace since theday I left Yavin IV.

He finally releases the necklace and places his hand on myshoulder, his fingers gently caressing my bare skin. "I missed yourlast birthday," he says regretfully.

"I told you that I got your message," I reassure him. It was only afew weeks ago, and I had indeed woken up to a HoloNet messagefrom Luke.

"Yes, but it's not the same.""Still, it was nice that you remembered." I hadn't expected him

to remember the birthday of his failed apprentice and one-timelover.

"I could never forget."I smile and feel a shiver go down my spine, like no time at all

has passed. I am suddenly very grateful that I was able to get overmy pride and send him a message on his birthday, or I would feellike complete and utter poodoo.

Slowly, the hand on my waist moves to the side and begins topush back the outer layers of my dress. I stiffen slightly and snapmy hand to block him on instinct, but I relax as I realize what he'sdoing. His hand comes to rest on the lightsaber that's clipped tothe waist of my dress, hidden safely underneath the layers offlowing fabric. We meet eyes, his smile bittersweet. "You still carryit," he remarks softly.

I nod. "I don't feel comfortable without it anymore." It is the truth;I'm used to its weight and feel naked without it. Even more, I stillfeel more comfortable using it than I do blasters.

"Even at an event like this?""Come on, Skywalker," I admonish him. "You know that I don't

go anywhere without packing at least two different types ofweapons."

"So where's the other one?" he teases.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I retort, but the twinkle in my eyegives away my amusement.

He chuckles, but his smile slowly disappears as his handleaves the lightsaber. I know that Luke hopes that this is a sign thatI'll still become a Jedi one day, but he is fooling himself. It's just aweapon, nothing more.

We dance in silence for a while, slowly moving towards thecenter of the dance floor, and I do my best to ignore the couplesstaring at us. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Han Solo dancingwith his very pregnant wife. Leia gives me a cold look as shenotices me dancing with her brother, most likely worried that I'll endup hurting him again, but I ignore her. Barely, Han winks at me,and I roll my eyes back at him.

"I was wrong, you know," Luke comments as we sway to themusic.

"About what?""It's much more difficult with you not there."I glance down at my feet, uncomfortable with his declaration. I

hadn't even considered what he would be feeling upon seeing meagain.

"Why wouldn't you ever come back?" he asks suddenly.I shrug. "I told you, it just never felt right. I'd have been fooling

myself to try to complete my training.""Why won't you let me try to help you? You know that I can," he

persists."Look, just knock it off, Skywalker, okay?" I snap. "I've told you,

I'm working for Karrde again. I'm not going back to train." I don'tmean to sound so curt, but I can't have Luke try to pressure menow that we're face to face. It's become easy to turn him downover HoloNet messages, but in person it's a completely different

story."Sorry," he spits out, his voice getting a twinge of anger that he

hardly ever shows, and I sigh. I had been hoping that we could atleast be civil with each other.

But, unable to stop myself, I goad him even more. "Do you thinkyou have enough time to take on another apprentice now,anyways?"

Luke glares down at me. "What's that supposed to mean?""Nothing," I reply, a little too quickly."No, let's hear it."I figure I might as well be honest with him. "It just seems that

you have more apprentices than you can handle right now.""And who told you that?""I have my sources.""Rogue Squadron sources?"I feel badly throwing Corran Horn under the proverbial speeder,

but again, I don't lie. "Yes.""He doesn't know what he's talking about.""Oh, really? Then why is he not helping you with the Jedi Order

at all, but instead flying full-time with Rogue Squadron again?""Corran's an excellent pilot," Luke argues. "He decided that he

could serve the galaxy best that way.""That's Sithspit and you know it. Corran would do both if you'd

let him. He should be at the Academy helping you train the newapprentices. But he's not. Why?"

"Why do you care, anyway?" Luke snaps, even angrier thanbefore. "You're not there. You left."

"Yeah, I did," I sigh. "That doesn't mean that I don't care aboutwhat you're doing with the Jedi Order."

"Could have fooled me," Luke says, and I have to keep myself

from cringing at him. I bite my lip and look around at the dancingcouples surrounding us, trying to keep from getting upset.

Just then the music changes and I move to pull away, but herefuses to let go of my hand. Even despite everything just saidbetween us, I smile at him mischievously. "You know this song?" Iask. It is a High Alderaanian dance, often played at balls like this. Idanced to it many times during my days in the Palace, before theDeath Star destroyed Alderaan and they were declared traitors. Ofcourse Leia would choose to include this song as a reminder tothe Imperial Remnant of the Empire's transgressions, and that theyshould be grateful that the New Republic would consider a peacetreaty instead blasting them into annihilation.

Luke nods proudly. "I learned it just for the occasion, as amatter of fact." He holds out his other hand and I take it, unable toresist the idea of seeing the great Jedi Master try to perform adance like this.

'You sure you know what you're doing, Skywalker?" I tease."Hey, I can fend off dozens of blaster bolts with my eyes

closed. I think I can handle a simple dance.""Well, if you need me to lead, just let me know.""Ha! You're Mara Jade. You always lead."I smile, and the music starts off slowly, and he pulls me close,

allowing me to breathe in his scent and remember what it was liketo be in his arms. But after a minute, the music changes to a fasterpace, with intricate moves that require us to dance around eachother and switch partners several times. As promised, Lukeperforms the dance with ease, and as we move apart I sense himwatching me closely, awed and intrigued by the grace of mymoves, something that was ingrained into me during my years asan Imperial Palace dancer.

an Imperial Palace dancer.As we come back to face each other, Luke gives me an ironic

smile. "You know, I once laughed at the idea of a Jedi Knightserving as Karrde's second-in-command, but now, seeing youagain…it's not so funny after all."

"Well, I'm not exactly a Jedi Knight, now am I?" I counter.Luke looks me straight in the eye. "That's the part that isn't

funny."We circle around each other again, and I find it hard to break

his gaze. I feel his presence in the Force as strongly as ever, and Iknow that all he wants is for me to return to Yavin IV with him andearn my place as a Jedi. But even if I agree, what will I do afterfinishing my training? I can't stay at the Academy after what he'sdone to the Order. I don't believe what he's doing is right.

And even if I did…I still don't believe that I deserve it."So what do you think I should be doing?" Luke inquires,

bringing me out of my reverie, always able to read my mind.I look away from him, grateful that we are forced to change

partners again, but as we return to face each other, he gives me alook that indicates he's not going to let me ignore his question."You should be doing exactly what you originally planned," I tellhim. "The Knights you've trained should help you train the newapprentices. Every Jedi should take responsibility for growing theOrder, not just you. How is the Order supposed to grow if you insiston taking control the way you are?"

I don't mean to say as much as I have, but I can't help myself—itjust spills out. Luke sets his jaw and the mask falls into place as hestruggles to defend what he's doing. But all he says is, "You justdon't understand."

I nod my head. "No, I don't, and I never will." Just like he will

never understand why I can't ever become a Jedi.I know that we can argue like this all night long, but as the

music builds to a crescendo, I just don't feel up to it anymore. Idon't have the strength to fight with him, or to force myself not to crywhen one of his barbs hits too close to home, or to feel guilty whenone of mine crushes him. I'm over it all. I just want to rememberwhat it was like to be in his arms, without a care in the galaxy. Iwish we could go back to that time…but even if we could, I knowthat it would be futile, because we were never really in that place atall.

We circle around each other once more, our eyes lockedintently on each other. Luke opens his mouth to speak, but I pressmy finger against his lips. "Please, Luke," I whisper. The song isabout to turn slow again, and I just want to lose myself in hisembrace one last time. "I don't want to argue with you anymore."

He nods, a look of profound sadness appearing in his eyes,and pulls me even closer to him. I lay my head on his shoulder asthe music slows, and he places his hand on the back of my neck,running his fingers through my hair.

We sway together, our hearts pounding against one another,as I listen to the words that so wonderfully sum up my current placein the universe:

I don't wanna talk if it makes you feel sadAnd I understand you've come to shake my handI apologize if it makes you feel badSeeing me so tense, no self-confidenceBut you see, the winner takes it allThe winner takes it all…

The song speeds up again, and we fall into step, changingpartners as required, until finally the music fades, and we once

again go our separate ways.

20. Chapter 19

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to readthis story, especially those of you who have left reviews. I reallyappreciate it and hope you enjoy the rest of the story! After this,only six more chapters to go!

CHAPTER 19True to his word, I hear from Sate Pestage exactly one week

later.His message comes in the form of a HoloNet recording that

Faughn retrieves while I'm in a meeting with Karrde. As I enter thebridge of the Wild Karrde afterwards, the communications officerglances up at me from her console. "Message for you, Mara, onyour personal frequency," she says. Despite Karrde's outsideprofessionalism, there are hardly any formalities onboard the WildKarrde.

I walk to the comm station, furrowing my brow as I try todetermine just who would be contacting me on my personalchannel. The only people who send me messages on a regularbasis are Corran and Tyria, and they're both supposed to be onmissions right now. It could be Luke, but I doubt he'd be braveenough to contact me so soon after our encounter at the ball, whenI almost snapped his head off for his innocent comments.

Then I remember the other conversation I had that night, withnone other than Sate Pestage, former Grand Vizier of the GalacticEmpire, and my hand freezes before I can press the messageretrieval button. I straighten and look back at Faughn. "I'll take it inmy quarters." She nods, and patches the message through.

my quarters." She nods, and patches the message through.I pass Karrde as I exit the bridge. I almost expect him to follow

me, but he merely catches my eye as I walk by him, his expressionmaking it quite clear that he expects to hear a full report when I'mdone.

Once in my quarters, I lock the door and stretch out with theForce to make sure that nobody is sneaking around in the hallway.Then I settle in front of the computer terminal and press theblinking red message indicator.

Sate Pestage's wrinkled face appears in hologram form on mydesk. He glances up at me, as if he can see me through theHoloNet. It is entirely unsettling.

"Greetings, Captain Jade. I hope this message finds you well."I am very pleased that I was able to speak with you at the ball

last week. After my time in isolation, it was a pleasure to makeyour acquaintance, given your…past history…with the Empire.

"As I mentioned, I am not allied with the Imperial Remnant.They are a pale shadow of what the Empire once was. But evenso, I can assure you that the future of the Empire is indeed verybright, and I hope to discuss that with you very soon."

His words give me pause; it was not too long ago when I toldLuke Skywalker that all I wanted was the old Empire back. I knewthat the Empire of old could never return, of course, because anEmpire without an Emperor was, and still is, a ridiculous notion.Even mere days after the Emperor's death, I rejected Isard and allthe other Moffs and Warlords who were clamoring for power,knowing that the Empire was destined for destruction.

And even if the old Empire did still exist, I'd want nothing to dowith it. Not after all that has happened. Not after learning all that Ihave.

"I hope that I can persuade you to meet with me in a week'stime," Pestage continues. "I'm transmitting coordinates along withthis message. Please come alone. I would imagine that someoneof your stature would be wary of meeting me in an unknownlocation, but I can assure you that no harm will be attempted uponyour life. I am well aware of Captain Karrde's vast resources, butmost of all I know very well that the Emperor's Hand can take careof herself."

I sit up straight in my chair as I listen to his farewell, then call upthe coordinates attached to the message. It's somewhere in WildSpace, close to Chiss territory—a planet I've never heard ofbefore, called Nirauan.

I perform a cursory search to find any available information onthe planet, but I find little other than basic data, which indicates themysterious nature of the planet. If Karrde doesn't have moredetailed formation in his database, then nobody does.

My mind is already made up as I disable the HoloNetconnection. I have to find out what Pestage is up to.

I make my way back to the bridge, where Karrde waits for me.He glances in my direction as I take my place beside him."Anything interesting?"

I nod. "Very. I need a short leave of absence."He crosses his arms in front of his chest, not at all pleased with

my decision. "You're going to meet him," he states."Yes.""By yourself?""Yes."Karrde shakes his head. "Do I need to tell you how stupid that

is?""I'm pretty well aware of that fact, thank you."

"Just because you've had Jedi training doesn't mean youshould go rushing off to some unknown location by yourself,"Karrde says protectively.

"Oh, please. If he wanted to kill me he'd have tried to do solong ago. No, Pestage is up to something, and I want to know whatthat is."

"And what happens when you tell him that you're not interestedin his plan and he has his goons pull blasters on you?" Karrdeasks with a raised eyebrow.

I shrug nonchalantly. "I'll make that jump when I get to it."He sighs, blowing a stray strand of hair off his face. "You're

impossible, you know that?"I smile at him. "I learned from the best.""There are so many ways to interpret that statement that I'm just

going to keep quiet.""Good idea."

I spend the next few days catching up with my work beforeleaving for Nirauan. Karrde tries to give me additional jobs inhopes that I'll relent and stay onboard the Wild Karrde, but I stayawake for long hours to finish all my tasks before taking my leave.He eventually gives up trying to persuade me not to go, but makesit quite clear on every occasion that he thinks I'm being stupid.

On the morning I'm scheduled to leave for Nirauan, I wake upwith an odd feeling in the back of my mind…like something iscoming. Something…but I don't know what. I can't put my finger onthe feeling. As I get dressed and pack, preparing for my trip, I domy best to ignore it, but the feeling keeps getting stronger andstronger.

Annoyed and agitated, I step on to the bridge, where Karrde is

Annoyed and agitated, I step on to the bridge, where Karrde iswaiting for me.

"Your ship is being prepped," he says. "Though I really wishyou'd take one of mine, one with more firepower."

"No," I reply. We've had this argument many times over thepast several days. "I'm not taking anyone's ship but my own."

"And what if they fire on you?""Well that would be pretty stupid of them, considering you know

where I'm going. Besides, I do recall my employer arranging forsome extra modifications to be made to my ship's weaponssystems."

Karrde makes a face. "You don't have to be so logical, youknow."

"Oh, so going to meet Sate Pestage on an unknown planet islogical, now?"

Karrde shakes his head. "You're impossible," he mutters.I don't respond, because the feeling in the back of my mind

suddenly grows much, much stronger, and I can't ignore itanymore…

"Stang," I mutter, as I suddenly realize what it is.At that moment, Faughn turns around from her controls.

"There's a ship on our scopes, X-wing class. It's hailing us."A wide, poodoo-eating grin spreads across Karrde's face. I

look at him and sigh, all the confirmation he needs. "Patch itthrough," he orders.

Faughn does so and indicates that the frequency is open."Greetings, Master Skywalker. Do you require assistance?"

Karrde asks, and I smile, knowing that he is thinking of the lasttime we came across Luke's X-wing in empty space.

Luke's voice comes through loud and clear over the comm.

"Hello, Karrde. It's nice to speak with you again. Could you tell me,is Mara available?"

My eyes roll into the back of my head as every single personon the bridge turns to stare at me. I can only imagine Luke's faceright now, grinning like an idiot as he knows that he justembarrassed the hell out of me in front of Karrde. But then, thetone of Luke's voice registers in my mind. He sounds concerned—very concerned—so much so that he has ventured halfwayacross the galaxy to speak with me.

Sighing, I motion to Karrde to answer. "She's right here, as amatter of fact," he replies.

There's a pause; I imagine Luke picturing me standing next toKarrde on the bridge, wearing much more smuggler-like attirecompared to our last meeting. "I need to speak with her," he says."Permission to come onboard?"

Karrde glances at me. I wave my hand at him; this is his ship,and he can let anybody onboard that he wants. Besides, I knowthat there is absolutely no way that he would ever refuse a chanceto make me face Luke Skywalker again.

Sometimes, I have a sneaking suspicion that, beneath histough, smuggler façade, Karrde is just a hopeless romantic.

Either that, or he really enjoys making me squirm."Of course, Master Skywalker," Karrde replies. "We look

forward to seeing you.""Likewise." Then, silence, as the transmission is cut.I give Karrde an annoyed look. "We?"He shrugs innocently.Oh, no—he definitely just enjoys making me squirm.

I wait at the entrance to the Wild Karrde's docking bay with my

arms crossed over my chest, trying not to look too annoyed. Lukejumps down from his X-wing and gives me a tight-lipped smile ashe approaches. "Hello, Mara," he says, stopping a few meters infront me. He seems hesitant to come closer after what happenedduring our last meeting.

"Oh, don't be stupid," I say, pulling him into a hug. He smellslike someone who just spent hours or even days inside of acramped starfighter cockpit, but I don't care.

Luke chuckles against me. "That must be a new record for theshortest amount of time it's taken you to insult me."

"Well, I'm just stating the truth." I pull back to look at him. "So.What's the big problem that you had to come all the way out hereto talk to me about in person?" I ask, getting down to business.

He seems hesitant to discuss this out in the open. "Can wespeak in your quarters?"

Flashbacks hit me as I remember all the times I met with Lukealone in his quarters at the Academy. I shut my eyes against them."Sure," I answer shortly.

We walk through the hallways of the Wild Karrde in silence andI sense Luke's worry permeating through the Force. It bothers me.It's not good when Luke is worried.

We enter my quarters and I shut the door behind me, and Ihave to restrain myself from lunging towards him and kissing himfiercely. But of course I compose myself, the epitome ofprofessionalism; a heartless bicce, as Luke once referred to me.

"So?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.Luke takes a deep breath and runs his hand over his face. "I

need you to be honest with me, Mara. Are you planning on goingsomewhere alone?"

I raise an eyebrow at him. I can tell there's no use lying to him.

I raise an eyebrow at him. I can tell there's no use lying to him."As a matter of fact, I am. Why?"

He looks down and takes a deep breath. "I need to go withyou."

My eyes widen at his words. "…Sorry?""I need to go with you," he repeats. "Please, don't ask me why.

I just get the feeling that I need to be with you right now.""This is ridiculous, Luke," I say, throwing up my hands in

exasperation. "Us spending all that time together is not a goodidea. And besides, you don't even know where I'm going."

"It doesn't matter. Please just listen to me on this one, Mara,"he insists.

"This is a Force thing, isn't it?" I ask, rolling my eyes."What do you think?" he replies."Don't you think I'd be able to tell if something was wrong,

Luke?"He doesn't answer, but I know his response anyway: Maybe if

you had completed your training.I don't deny that he's right. I'm nowhere near as strong in the

Force as he is. But my danger sense has never failed me before,and even though I know that meeting Pestage on my own is not themost logical thing to do, I don't sense anything inherentlydangerous about my impending mission.

Luke doesn't answer, so I keep talking. "I don't think that theperson I'm supposed to meet with would appreciate you comingalong with me."

"Oh really? And just who might that be?" he asks."Nice try, Skywalker, but I'm still not telling you," I snort.He shrugs. "You know that Karrde will tell me if you don't, and

then I'll follow you wherever you're going."

I sigh, remembering a moment from not so long ago at the JediAcademy:

"I guess you know that I followed you.""I guess I should have known that you would never have

listened to me.""Fine, whatever, come along if you want," I relent, sighing

heavily. "But don't get in the way," I continue, pointing at him. "Iknow what I'm doing."

"No problem. You're in charge."I throw him a mischievous grin. "Does that make me your

master?"He smiles back at me. "Only if you want to be."I narrow my eyes. Oh, he still knows how to make that shiver go

down my spine.I grab my pack and leave the room in a huff. He follows me

closely. "We'll be leaving shortly," I tell him. "My ship is beingprepped right now."

"You've got your own ship? That's very impressive.""Yeah, well, I'm doing well for myself, and Karrde wanted to

give me a token of appreciation for all my hard work. So I gotmyself a ship."

"What's her name?""The Jade's Fire."Luke glances at me, his expression turning wistful. He reaches

out to touch my hair, but stops himself. "The perfect name," hemurmurs.

"Tell Karrde, he picked it.""Tell Karrde what?" my boss asks as we make our way onto

the bridge. He steps forward to shake Luke's hand."Oh, I was just commenting on the appropriateness of the

name of Mara's ship," Luke replies."Yes, I was rather proud of that one myself," Karrde smiles.

They begin to delve into small talk while I stand behind them,rolling my eyes.

"As lovely as this little reunion is," I cut in, "we have moreimportant things to do right now. Is the Fire almost prepped?" I askKarrde.

"Yes, just about. Why don't you head down and get ready, andI'll be there to see you off once I take care of some pressingdetails?"

"Will do," I reply, turning to Luke expectantly.Before Luke can follow me, Karrde reaches out to stop him.

"Would you mind staying here and catching up?" he asks Luke."There are some things I'd like to discuss with you."

I glare at Karrde, knowing that he suddenly has very bad ideas,but he gives me a pointed look. "Don't you have things to takecare of?" he asks me.

"Yeah, just…" I turn to Karrde, then to Luke, then back toKarrde again.

"…Don't have too much fun," I warn them as I exit the bridge.I can almost see Luke hesitate speaking to Karrde until the

bridge door hisses shut behind me, and I am suddenly verycurious as to what exactly compelled Luke Skywalker to leavebehind his precious Jedi Academy and accompany me on acompletely illogical mission to an unknown planet called Nirauan.

21. Chapter 20

A/N: Song for this chapter: White Flag, DidoCHAPTER 20Karrde sees us off, doing his best to act like an overprotective

father as he says good-bye. As always, I'm tempted to remind himthat he's not much older than me, but it never makes a difference—Karrde's protectiveness knows no bounds. I can't complain thatmuch, considering I never had a father figure before him. Well, notone I'd like to remember, anyway.

Luke does his best to stay out of my way in the cockpit as weundock and set a course for Nirauan, even though he's practicallydrooling as he examines the controls while he thinks I'm notwatching. Once we enter hyperspace, I lean back in the captain'schair and eye him thoughtfully. "Like what you see, Skywalker?"

He looks at me for a moment with a shocked expression, thenlets out his breath as he realizes that I'm talking about the ship. "It'sfantastic, Mara," he says. "I'd love a chance to fly her sometime."

"Over my dead body," I retort, only half-joking. I expect him tolaugh, but instead his lip twitches and he stares straight ahead outthe viewport, suddenly looking very worried. "Luke?" He doesn'trespond, so I poke him on the arm. "Hey, Jedi Master. Wake up."

"What?" he responds, shaking himself back into focus. "Oh.Sorry. I, uh, got distracted there."

"Yeah, sure." I roll my eyes. "So, are you gonna tell me why youinsisted on taking this little jaunt with me to Wild Space, or what?"

"What do you think?" he teases.I smile. There's the Luke Skywalker that I know so well.He changes the subject before I can prod him some more. "So,

are you going to tell me just where we're going? I assume it'ssomewhere in Wild Space, since you just let that slip."

I mentally slap myself. "Sure, why not," I sigh. "You'll find outeventually. It's a planet called Nirauan."

"Never heard of it. What's there?"I regard him, waiting for his reaction. "Sate Pestage."It takes a second for Luke to recognize the name. As he does,

his eyes go wide. "You're kidding, right?""Unfortunately, I'm not.""You mean…former Imperial Grand Vizier Sate Pestage?""That's the one.""The man who tried to turn over Coruscant to the New Republic

and was then reportedly killed on orders of Ysanne Isard?"I shake my head at how ridiculous that explanation sounds.

"Yeah. It's the same guy, all right.""Oh. When the hell did this happen?"I burst out laughing at Luke's bewilderment, even though the

situation isn't funny at all. "I spoke with him at the ball," I reply."That was quite the night for you, then.""Yeah," I chuckle. "Then a few days ago I got a message from

him asking me to meet him on Nirauan to discuss 'the future of theEmpire.'"

"Why would he want to talk to you about that?" Luke asks,looking disturbed.

"Isn't it obvious? I was the Emperor's Hand, after all.""Was," he points out."Doesn't matter. Ever since it became public what I once was,

all those old Imperials have been clamoring to get in my goodgraces. They see me as a connection to Palpatine, and thereforethe old Empire, no matter what I might have done since then."

the old Empire, no matter what I might have done since then."Luke considers this for a moment. "Do you think it's really him,

or a clone?""It was definitely the same man. And he's got big plans.""On Nirauan?""Apparently.""But why wouldn't he just join the Remnant? What do you think

he's trying to do?"I shrug. "I really don't know. He doesn't trust the Remnant, but

he doesn't seem to want to join the New Republic, either. He'splanning something, but I don't know what. That's why I'm—well,we're—going there."

Luke shakes his head and laughs. "Um…perhaps you wereright…he won't like me being there."

"No, you don't say?" I bite out.Luke rubs his face with his palms. "So…what do we tell them

about me being there?""How good are you at Force projections?" I ask."Are you serious?""Very."Luke chews his lip, then shakes his head. "I don't know if I'll be

able to keep a Force projection in place that long. And I'm too wellknown, so if it falters, they'll pick up on it right away. Do you haveanything onboard that could be useful as a disguise?"

"Oh, sure, I always keep dress-up clothes in my ship," I replysarcastically. "You've found my weakness, Skywalker—costumes."

"You don't have to be so snippy, it was worth asking.""It's too bad we don't have any more of those plants we found

on Myrkr, eh?""Thank the Force, those things hurt like a rancor."

"Well, they didn't seem to slow you down at all—the plants orthe rancor," I offer, and Luke smiles in return. "I guess we'll have tobe forthcoming about your presence," I continue.

"Which brings us back to my earlier question—how exactly dowe explain why I'm there?"

I prop my chin in my hands, and then it hits me. I snap myfingers and point at him, then back to me. "We're a couple."

"…Excuse me?""We'll act like we're together. Then it will make sense for you to

be with me," I explain."Um…don't you think they would know if that were true or not?"

Luke asks, sounding very uncomfortable with the idea. "It'd be allover the HoloNet in a second if we were a couple."

"What, relationships can't be secretive? Besides, people didsee us together at the ball last week."

"Yeah—arguing," Luke points out."And couples don't argue? Aren't you related to Han and Leia

Solo?"Luke sighs. "You're not gonna give up this, are you, Mara?""Why, you have a better idea?""Fine," Luke relents, sighing heavily. "I'll be your devoted

manservant. Happy now?"I glance at him. He senses me watching him, and gazes back

at me. Our eyes lock for long seconds.Then we both look away.

Luke and I spend the next few days acting unusually civil towardseach other. I show him around the Fire, he cooks for me, wediscuss Pestage's intentions, we play sabacc.

We do everything but discuss why I'm no longer at the

We do everything but discuss why I'm no longer at theAcademy, and why Luke has taken complete control of the JediOrder since I left.

By the end of the last day of our voyage, it is obvious that weare ready to explode at each other.

It all starts innocently enough."So do you still work out with your lightsaber?" Luke asks over

another round of sabacc.I raise an eyebrow at him over the hand splayed out in front of

my face. "I don't really have much of an opportunity to do soanymore. There aren't many people skilled with a lightsaberonboard the Wild Karrde," I reply with a smirk.

"Oh." He lays down a card. "I can give you a remote if you'dlike," he offers.

My annoyance grows at his persistent insistence that I continuemy training, but I push it down. "Sure, thanks."

We continue to play in silence, slapping down cards withincreasing intensity.

As Luke reaches close to me to pick up another card, justbarely brushing my hand, he tries again. "We can always spar nowif you're bored with sabacc."

I know that I should refuse. Sparring with Luke leads to verybad things.

I meet his eyes, and they twinkle, issuing me a challenge Icannot refuse. "Fine," I answer.

We're out of our seats in seconds. We make our way to anopen area of the ship, and he ignites his lightsaber. I follow suit,bouncing on my toes in anticipation. After a moment he charges,and I parry.

Even after so long, sparring with Luke comes so incredibly

natural that I can't even begin to comprehend it. We dance aroundeach other, ducking each other's blows and thwarting everyoncoming strike. Once again, I feel as if I'm fighting with him,instead of against him. Our minds start to open up to one anotherand I sense all his self-doubt about leading the Jedi Order, all hisgrief about me leaving him, and his profound desire for me to earnmy place as a Jedi.

Through all of this, I try to shield my thoughts from him, but Iknow that it is futile. I grimace, trying to cover up my true feelingsnow that I am standing in front of him again.

The fight goes on for a long time without either of us gettingdisarmed. Eventually, as expected, Luke gets the best of me andknocks my lightsaber out of my hand. The air grows silent as thehilt finishes clanging against the ground.

I stare up at him. He glares down at me. We stand face to face,our lips mere centimeters apart, both panting heavily.

He reaches out to caress my cheek.That damn shiver goes down my spine again.I abruptly turn away and call my lightsaber back to my hand.I hear Luke sigh behind me. "You're still so amazing, Mara."I whip around and glare at him. "Don't start," I grind out.He doesn't back down. "Why not? We've got nothing better to

do.""I can't do this right now, Luke.""Then when can you?"I brush past him and stalk back to the living quarters. He

follows me.I whirl around on him as he attempts to enter the room behind

me. "What do you want?" I snarl.He doesn't mince words. "I want you to come back to Yavin IV

and finish your training.""No.""Why not?" he presses.I flop down on the bottom bunk. "Because nothing has

changed. And yet everything has." He hesitantly sits down next tome and gives me a curious look. "I'm never going to be able toreach my full potential."

"You would if you'd just face your past, Mara," he says."That won't change anything," I argue."How do you know?""Because I just know, okay! Maybe I have faced my past, and I

don't like what I see at all, did you ever think of that?""So, what, you're never going to forgive yourself for being the

Emperor's Hand? Even though you know that everything that youdid, everything that you were, was because of the Emperor, andnot your own choice?"

I lean back on the wall, placing my head in my hands. "It's notthat easy, Luke. I can't just decide to forgive myself, and be donewith it."

Hesitantly, Luke slides closer to me and places his arm aroundmy shoulder. "I wish you'd let me help you."

I stare straight at the wall through my hands, and he moveseven closer to me. "I know that you feel guilty," he whispers againstmy face. His fingers brush through the ends of my braid. "I knowit's hard to come to terms with what you've done. But you can't liveyour life like this. You can't keep running away."

I turn my head back to him, green eyes blazing. "Just forget it,Skywalker," I growl.

He stares back at me, his blue eyes flashing at mystubbornness. "Fine," Luke says, removing his arm and pushing

away. "If you want to make this so difficult for yourself, go ahead.It's what you're best at."

I don't know how to respond to him, so I change the subject."Why won't you tell me why you demanded to come along withme?"

Now Luke looks away, avoiding my gaze. "I just wanted tomake sure that everything was okay."

"So you decided to fly all the way out to the Wild Karrdeinstead of sending me a message? And once you found out I wasokay, you felt the urge to tag along with me, and leave behind yourprecious Academy?"

He doesn't take my bait. "I told you, I just wanted to make sureeverything was okay," he repeats.

"You care to be more specific?""No. Please don't ask me anything more about it.""Oh, so now you're the one who's going to be stubborn?""I learned from the best."I give him an ironic smile. "Fine. Since you won't talk about

that, why don't you tell me why you've taken complete control of theJedi Order since I left the Academy?"

"How about I don't.""Oh come on, Luke. I told you mine, you tell me yours."He glares at me. "What else was I supposed to do?""Oh, I don't know, maybe let people help you?""You don't understand, Mara.""Make me," I challenge.He sighs. He looks so helpless, and so defeated. I want

nothing more than to put my arms around him and hug him andmake everything better, or to wrap my hands around his neck andstrangle him.

Instead I give him an icy stare. Every single annoyance I've hadtowards him over the past year for what he's done to the JediOrder comes bubbling to the surface, and I can't contain itanymore. "You're gonna kill the Order if you keep doing this, Luke.I thought you learned this long ago. You can't do it all by yourself."

He gives me an incredulous look. "Oh, that's rich. Now youconsider the Order."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?""You left, Mara! What the hell was I supposed to do?" he

repeats."What does me leaving the Academy have to do with how you

decide to run the Jedi Order?""Everything!" he exclaims, reaching his arms out to shake me,

and I flinch at the intensity of his voice. "Don't you get it? Don't youthink that I began to plan things around you being there? Ienvisioned you helping me shape the Order. I envisioned youtraining apprentices alongside of me. You would have beenamazing, Mara. And later, after everything that happened betweenus, I even began to imagine sharing a life with you, if only you'd dome the honor of having me.

"But then you left, as soon as I finally got my head on straightand told you exactly how I felt, because you're too damn stubbornto let me help you. I knew the reason you gave me for leaving wasa bunch of poodoo, but I didn't press you, thinking that you neededsome time to yourself and once you got that all figured out, you'dreturn to finish your training and we could be together again. Butthen you never came back, and I didn't know what else to do, so Idid the only thing I could think of—I dove headfirst into the Order. Itook control. The Order is the only thing that I can control."

I am speechless by all his revelations, and have to blink rapidly

I am speechless by all his revelations, and have to blink rapidlyto keep myself from tearing up out of sadness and anger andbitterness. But I make myself respond, fighting on like the soldierthat I am. "You can't control it all on your own. It's going to kill you ifyou keep doing this, Luke."

"Oh, now all of a sudden you care about me."I take a deep breath to keep from yelling at him. "You know that

my leaving had nothing to do with what happened between us—""That's what you say.""You know that it's true, Luke!""Yes, of course I know!" he explodes, launching himself from

the bunk and pacing around rapidly. "I know exactly what that nightmeant to both of us! I was so happy, Mara, thinking that we couldfinally be together, and I know that you were, too. I felt it. I saw it inyour eyes. It was…something I'd never before experienced. It wasthe happiest moment of my life."

He turns back to me with tremendous pain and anger in hiseyes. "And then you left. The fact that your leaving had nothing todo with what happened between us makes it even worse, don'tyou understand? Because despite everything that we shared…despite how deeply I know that you cared for me…you still left.What I have to offer you wasn't enough. It'll never be enough, willit?"

"I had no choice, Luke," I whisper."Oh, I am so sick of this! What's it going to take for you to

finally be able to forgive yourself?" Luke exclaims.I bite my lip. "I don't know," I reply. I don't know if I'll ever be able

to forgive myself for what I did as the Emperor's Hand. I don't knowif I will ever feel that I deserve to be a Jedi, or that I deserve to bewith Luke. I wish I could just wave my hand and make it all go

away. But I can't change the past—I can only move forward.I stare down at my hands, unable to look at him, and then,

before I know what's happening, years of bitterness and angererupt to the surface, and I'm throwing another barb at him:

"When are you finally going to stop taking responsibility foreverything else in the galaxy but your own damn happiness?"

I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. They are soincredibly hypocritical that I want to slap myself for saying them.Luke's expression changes to one of pure anger, but then themask falls into place once again. He nods curtly, and turns on hisheel to exit the quarters.

Before he leaves, without even looking back, he launches onemore volley at me:

"At least I don't keep running away."Then, he is gone.This round goes to Luke Skywalker.

Later that night, after I've already settled in to my bunk, I hear thedoor to the living quarters slide open. Luke steps in quietly, and fora few seconds, he stands over me, the sounds of his breathingmixing in with the whir of the hyperdrive. It is unexpectedly calming.

Before he can climb to the top bunk, I slide over, making roomfor him next to me. He hesitates for a moment, then wordlesslyaccepts my invitation, pulling the covers over him. At first we justlie there, barely touching, but then he breathes a heavy sigh andturns on his side, wrapping his arms around me. Without openingmy eyes, I collapse into his embrace and bury my head in hischest, unable to look at him after yet another argument betweenus.

Then, once again listening to his heartbeat, I can't hold it in any

longer. I begin to cry silently against him, letting out all myfrustration and anguish at the path my life has taken. Even though Ihave hurt him deeply, Luke consoles me as only he can, strokingmy hair and sending out calming waves through the Force.

I don't have to tell him that I'm sorry. He already knows.We lay there for a long time, wrapped up in each other's arms,

until my tears finally begin to subside. Then Luke cups my face inhis hands, forcing me to look at him as his thumbs gently brushaway my remaining tears. He gives me a timid smile.

"I never stopped loving you," he whispers. "No matter whathappens, I want you to know that. I'll never stop."

A lump forms in my throat, and I cannot say the words back tohim…but then again, with him, I don't have to. I just pull him to meand press my lips to his, grateful to once again be in his arms, ifonly for just one more night.

22. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21When I wake up several hours later, Luke is curled around my

back, his arm draped over my side, hand resting on my hip."What's that noise?" he mumbles into my shoulder.

"Reversion alert," I tell him as I gently disentangle myself fromhis embrace. "I'll take care of it."

"No, you stay in bed, I'll do it."I climb over him and fumble around the bunk, trying to pull on

my jumpsuit without falling over in the dark. "Nice try, but I'm still notletting you fly my ship."

"You know, I am a pretty good pilot," he boasts as hestretches, readjusting the thin blanket around his waist.

I throw him a patient look. "You fly starfighters. This is a yacht.""Han lets me fly the Falcon.""He's a Corellian, he's used to taking risks. Give it up, it's not

going to happen.""Fine, you win," he sighs. "I'll be there shortly.""Take your time, we've still got fifteen minutes.""Mara?" his voice stops me just as I'm about to go through the

door."Yes?" I reply, not looking back at him."…I missed you."I squeeze my eyes shut. "You always miss me, Skywalker.""You're right," he chuckles. "I do."Several minutes later he slides into the co-pilot's seat. I glance

over at him and smirk; I'm still not used to seeing him wear civilianclothes.

"Everything all right?" he asks."Just peachy," I reply."You sure?""Why wouldn't it be?""Well…you know…"I sigh, running my hands over the controls. "Don't worry, I'm

fine.""Good," he says, looking not entirely convinced.I busy myself in the cockpit, going through all the checklists that

I now know by heart, trying to concentrate on anything else butwhat happened last night. But Luke won't let me avoid it.

"Mara?""What?""You know that couple thing we're about to do?"I pause before answering. "Yeah, what about it?"He takes a deep breath. "It doesn't have to be a lie, you know."I stare straight ahead at the mottled lines of hyperspace,

forcing myself not to betray my emotions. "I know."He reaches over to take my hand. "I really missed you, Mara."I clear my throat and continue to avoid his gaze. "I missed you,

too.""So what's stopping this?" he asks, as his thumb starts to

move against my skin."Lots of things," I shrug, trying to ignore his caresses."I want you. You want me. What else is there?""It's not that simple.""It can be if you'd just let it.""We've had this argument how many times now, Luke?""Lots. But you know me. I'm stubborn."I snort. "That's the understatement of the year."

I snort. "That's the understatement of the year.""No, that would be me saying that you're stubborn."I finally turn to him and throw him a huge smile. "Touché." He

gives me a mock bow, and I laugh before growing serious again. "Ican't do this right now, Luke. I'm not avoiding it," I continue beforehe can protest. "I just have a lot of stuff on my mind and need to getthrough this thing with Pestage first. It wouldn't be fair to you todiscuss it right now. But afterwards, I'll come to Yavin IV with youand we'll talk. We'll really talk. I promise."

Luke nods, but doesn't look pleased with my promise, as I'dexpected he would be. Instead, he looks skeptical and veryworried. I squeeze his hand in reassurance. "I mean it, Luke."

He nods again. "I know you do." But his expression does notchange.

The reversion countdown hits zero and I pull the ship out ofhyperspace. We approach Nirauan in silence, and I transmit thecodes that Pestage provided. As we enter the atmosphere, I steala glance at Luke and see the same worried expression on hisface. Wanting to keep him from brooding, I sigh and flip overcontrol of the Fire to the co-pilot's station. "You're on, flyboy."

"Huh?""You wanted to fly the ship. Fly her."Luke gives me an incredulous look. "You're serious?""You better take control or my ship's gonna crash and then I'm

really going to have to kill you.""As you wish," Luke grins, taking the controls with what can

only be described as absolute glee.I always forget that Luke was a pilot first, and a Jedi second.

And he is a marvelous pilot, flying the Fire with all the care of itsowner combined with all the daring of a starfighter pilot. I almost

think it unfair just how many things Luke Skywalker is good at.As Luke guides the ship to the coordinates given to us, we see

a large fortress looming in the distance. "Whatever's going on, Idon't think this is a tiny operation," Luke says.

"I think you're right," I agree.Luke lands the Fire gently on the landing platform, and as I go

through all the post-flight checks, he heads to the back to grab ourtwo small packs. I meet him at the ramp and almost jump when Isee Artoo Deetoo rolling towards us; I had forgotten that Lukebrought his astromech along. In the back of my mind, I wonderwhat the droid was doing on the journey that kept him so quiet—hopefully not messing around with my ship's computer.

"Think they'll mind if I bring him?" Luke asks.I tilt my head and purse my lips in thought. "No more than they'll

mind you being here, I guess," I answer.Luke nods. "Okay. I don't think Pestage will appreciate us

bringing these along, though," he adds, holding up his lightsaber."Are you suggesting we leave them on the ship? 'Cause if you

are, I'm gonna have to ask who stole your brain.""Absolutely not," Luke laughs. "Artoo, come here. You know the

drill."The little droid rolls over to Luke, and an empty trapezoidal

compartment pops open on his dome. I nod in understanding,remembering back to our trek across the Myrkr forest, and how wehid Luke's lightsaber inside Artoo before entering Hyllyard City."Ahh. I guess I should have remembered that."

Luke gives me an ironic smile and holds out his hand. I handhim my lightsaber, and he pops it inside Artoo, with his followingsuit. Thankfully, both hilts fit nicely inside.

"What about our other weapons?" I ask, nodding to the blaster

on his belt."We should probably leave them in the ship, just so we don't

seem threatening," he replies, holding his out to me. With a heavysigh, I take the blaster and place it, along with my own, into ahidden compartment.

Before I can head down the ramp, Luke holds his arm out tostop me. He raises his eyebrows. "What?" I ask innocently.

"I know you have more weapons on you.""You do. But they don't," I grin. I head down the ramp and hear

Luke huff behind me, reminding me all too much of Talon Karrde.Around the middle of the ramp, Luke stops dead in his tracks. I

glance at him, curious, and he gestures towards the man standingat the entrance to the hangar. I regard the man for a few seconds,trying to determine why he looks so familiar, and it hits me just asLuke speaks. "That's Baron Fel, isn't it?" he whispers.

"Yeah," I reply incredulously. Baron Soontir Fel was, after DarthVader, the greatest Imperial starfighter pilot and the commanderof the 181st Imperial Fighter Wing, the Empire's answer to RogueSquadron. He defected to the New Republic after the death ofPalpatine, but disappeared shortly afterwards. "I guess now weknow where he's been all this time, huh?"

"Wedge'll be ecstatic to find out," Luke murmurs."Shouldn't he be upset to know that Baron Fel, Ace of the

Empire, is still alive and possibly involved with 'the future of theEmpire'?"

Luke hesitates and leans in conspiratorially, placing his handon my shoulder. "You have to keep this quiet…but he's married toWedge's sister."

My mouth drops open and I have to remind myself to keep myvoice down. "Wynssa Starflare is Wedge's sister?" Wynssa

Starflare was one of the most popular holodrama actresses in theEmpire. Their wedding was straight out of royalty.

"Yes. Not many people know. Wedge hasn't seen her sinceshe ran away from home."

"Wow.""Shhh, here he comes."We grow quiet as we continue across the hangar, meeting Fel

halfway to the entrance. He wears a tight smile upon seeing Lukestanding next to me, but does not otherwise betray his surprise.

"Welcome to Nirauan, Mara Jade. Allow my to introduce myself—I'm Baron Fel, leader of this facility. I trust your trip was well?"

I allow him to take my hand. "There's no need to introduceyourself, Baron, and yes, everything was fine. Thank you."

His eyes dart to Luke. "I apologize, Captain Jade, but I wasunder the impression that you would be traveling alone."

"I hope it's not a problem that my partner accompanied me?"Again, Fel does an excellent job at hiding his surprise. "Not at

all, of course. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, GeneralSkywalker."

Luke shakes his hand. "Yours as well, Baron. But it's justSkywalker now; I resigned my general's commission years ago."

"A pity. You were always a formidable opponent."Luke gives him a thin smile. Fel returns the gesture before

turning back to me. "If you'll follow me, I'll direct you to yourquarters." I nod gratefully and Luke and I fall into step behind him.The fortress is massive, but thankfully we seem to be confined toone of the smaller wings, and I mentally keep track of the path fromthe hangar to our quarters. After about five minutes, Fel leads usinto a hallway lined with identical-looking doors and stops in frontof one of them. "I hope you'll excuse us," he begins, looking

uncomfortable, "but as we believed you'd be traveling alone, weonly have one room prepared."

"That's not a problem," I say, giving him a pointed look.Fel raises one eyebrow at my implication. "I see," he glances

at my arm, draped over Luke's. "Well, then. If you don't mind,Captain Jade, the Vizier has been expecting you and would like tospeak with you right away."

"No, that's not a problem at all."He glances at Luke. "I hope you understand that the Vizier

wishes to speak to Captain Jade alone?"I can tell that Luke does not like this at all, but he does not

protest. "Of course.""Very well then. Captain Jade, if you please?" I nod at him

before turning around to say good-bye to Luke, but before I canopen my mouth to speak, he pulls me into a crushing hug. At first Ijust stand there, dumbfounded, but I slowly return the embrace andthink it very fitting that we are posing as a couple, because we'recertainly playing our parts very well right now.

I wink at Luke as I pull away. Trying to get in the couple mood,Skywalker?

He doesn't smile back; instead, his expression turns deadlyserious. Be careful in there, I hear him whisper as I follow Felfurther into the fortress. We make small talk, and again I pay closeattention to our path, making note of the intermittent blast doorsand seemingly random exits. At the end of another long hallway,we enter a large dining room, where Sate Pestage sits at the headof a grand table, looking all too much like the Grand Vizier he oncewas. I grimace as I push aside all the old memories of life in theImperial Palace and the suffocations of court. Pestage rises as Ienter, and I'm led to a chair next to him. We are the only ones in

enter, and I'm led to a chair next to him. We are the only ones inthe large room, other than Fel, who stands guard by the door.

I stretch out with the Force to try to get a reading on Pestage. Isense no duplicity from him, or hostility. In fact, he seems eager tohave me join him and become an invaluable ally. "Captain Jade,"he begins, his smarmy tones making the hairs on the back of myneck stand up. "Thank you for joining me. I trust you had a goodtrip to Nirauan?"

"Yes, thank you."He gestures for me to sit. "If you are hungry, I can arrange for

some refreshment, but I was hoping that you would join me for aformal dinner later on."

"That would be fine," I reply."We hope that your companion will join us as well?""Of course.""I'm sorry that he could not join us now, but you can understand

that I prefer to discuss our plans in private."I put on a fake smile. "Of course. You have been very secretive

about these plans of yours. I'm interested in hearing just what theyentail."

"I'm sure that you are curious, and I assure you, all will berevealed to you in time. For now, Captain Jade, let me tell youabout this facility. Are you aware that this operation was started byGrand Admiral Thrawn?"

"Really?" I ask, not having to fake the curiosity in my voice."Right around the Battle of Endor, Grand Admiral Thrawn

began to build up a massive power base in the Outer Rim andWild Space. This was his base of operations—the Hand ofThrawn fortress. He amassed his own Empire here, even beforehe tried to conquer the territory that the Rebels had won back. It

was his fallback, you see—the Empire of the Hand."My eyes narrow at him. "Interesting name," I remark coolly."You'll understand why I immediately thought of you, Mara

Jade, Emperor's Hand, when I found my way here after YsanneIsard's deception."

"I am no longer the Emperor's Hand," I growl, perhaps a bit tooforcefully.

"But you were. You were a loyal servant to the Emperor, andnobody, not even a Jedi, would be able to squeeze those idealsout of you."

Pestage and I glare at each other for long moments, my jawclenching at his assumptions. Before I can respond, he glancesover my shoulder at Fel. "Would you leave us, please? I will takecare of Captain Jade from here."

Once alone with Pestage, my danger sense spikesdramatically, and I immediately tense and prepare for a fight.Pestage smiles and leans back in his chair. "Now that we arealone, let us discuss the future of the Empire, and your role in it."

"I thought you chose not to ally yourself with the ImperialRemnant?"

"You are correct. I said that we should discuss the Empire, notthe pale shadow of its former glory that calls itself the ImperialRemnant." I do not want to discuss this at all, but I keep quiet,allowing him to continue. "Captain Jade, tell me…why did younever return to the Empire after Palpatine's death?"

I give him the truth. "There was nothing left for me there.Nobody knew who I was. I had no more power or influence."

"I'm surprised that you felt that way. Ysanne Isard certainlywanted your cooperation. I'm sure that many Warlords and Moffswould have given anything to have the Emperor's Hand as their

ally. And, of course, there was Grand Admiral Thrawn, the bestopportunity for the Empire to return to its former glory, and hecertainly knew what you were. I've always wondered why theEmperor's Hand never joined forces with him, especiallyconsidering your…feelings towards certain members of the NewRepublic."

I take a deep breath, keeping my expression blank. "GrandAdmiral Thrawn was brilliant, yes," I admit, "but by the time hecame in to power, it was too late. I had moved on."

"Nobody ever truly leaves the Empire, Captain Jade. In fact, Ibelieve that the ideals of the Empire still reside deep within you."

"You're wrong.""If that is so, then why are you not a member of the New

Republic?""I work for Talon Karrde, who chooses to remain neutral.""Yes…and yet you are here with Jedi Master Luke Skywalker,

and once trained with him as a Jedi. Given his involvement in thedownfall of the Empire, surely that is a small conflict of interest?"

"My personal affairs are just that—personal.""Of course. I do find it interesting, however, that you chose to

abandon your Jedi training. Why was that?""It was a personal issue.""So then, as the former Emperor's Hand, you did not feel a

conflict of interest and realize that you had to leave the JediOrder?"

"Just what are you insinuating, Vizier?" I snarl."That perhaps the reason you left the Jedi Order is because

you knew that you didn't belong there at all—but that you belongedwith the Empire."

In that moment, I am incredibly grateful for all my Jedi training,

because all I want to do is leap towards Pestage and throttle him.What makes it worse is that he's partially right—I left the Academybecause I didn't belong in the Jedi Order. But I do not belong inthe Empire. Not anymore.

"Captain Jade," Pestage continues, "you asserted that you didnot want to serve a pale imitation of the old Empire. But, what ifyou could serve the Empire, the true Empire, once more?"

I straighten up in my seat and grip the arms of my chair, goingthrough all my old Jedi calming techniques. "You know that is notpossible. The Empire of old will never again exist, and even if itdid, I am not interested. That part of my life is long past."

"Is it really?""Yes, and besides, this discussion is pointless. Palpatine's

Empire will never again exist, even if another military mind likeThrawn's comes in to power, no matter how ambitious of a leaderyou may be."

Pestage gives me a thin smile. "Oh, I would persuade you notto disregard my proposal so quickly. In fact, you may find that wehave exactly what you've been looking for."

Again, I have to force myself to stay composed as I rise frommy chair. "I apologize for wasting your time, Vizier, but I think thisconversation has ended."

I make it halfway to the door before I hear a noise at my back."No, it is I who must be the one to apologize. You know that Icannot let you leave."

I turn around slowly and glare at the blaster pointed my chest."You're making a very stupid mistake, Pestage."

He glances at my unarmed utility belt and smiles. "Oh, I don'tthink it is I who made the mistakes today, Emperor's Hand."

Before he can pull the trigger, I drop to the ground and

somersault under the table, moving so fast that Pestage cannottrack my movement. He whips his blaster around as quickly as hecan, but it is to no use; he falls limp on the table before he caneven pull the trigger.

I pant heavily as I push myself to my feet. "The Emperor's Handdoesn't make mistakes, Pestage, but in this case, you were right,"I grin, clutching my precious holdout blaster to my chest. "I had itset for stun."

23. Chapter 22

A/N: Song for this chapter: Sandstorm, DarudeCHAPTER 22Somehow, I manage to sprint back to the room without running

into Fel or any stormtroopers, or getting another blaster pointed atme. Luke is running towards me with his lightsaber ignited when Iarrive, and he sweeps me into his arms before I can say a word."Are you okay?" he whispers, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah," I assure him. "I managed to get off a stun bolt." Wesway in each other's embrace for a while, and then he leads meinto the room.

"So?" he asks, shutting the door behind us.I take a deep breath. "He's planning something. Something

big. I think…I think they're gonna attack, and try to take over theNew Republic again."

"What did he want from you?""To join him. He seems to believe that I think I belong with the

glorious Empire of old."Luke shifts nervously as he thinks of what to say next. "Are you

going to?""What?" I cannot restrain myself from smacking him. "Are you

insane?"He shrugs sheepishly. "Sorry. I had to ask.""No, of course I'm not joining him," I spit out, smacking him

again, "especially not after he pulled a blaster on me! Whateverhe has planned, Luke, it is not good. Thrawn started this wholeoperation—he called it the Empire of the Hand. The way Pestagewas talking, it was like he somehow knew that they'd be able to

restore the Empire to its former glory, and he seemed so certainthat I'd want to be involved, even though I trained as a Jedi andhelped take down Thrawn. I told him I wasn't interested, and thenhe tried to shoot me. So I shot him instead."

"If you think they're planning some sort of attack, we need towarn the New Republic before anything can happen," Luke says,striding purposefully towards Artoo, who is happily linked to theroom's computer terminal. "Not that we know they're out here, theyprobably won't waste any time launching an attack."

"That's true. What are you doing?""Trying to send a message to Leia," he responds. After a few

moments, he curses. "Blast, they must have figured us out. We'rebeing jammed."

"I think we need to get out of here, now.""For once I am not going to argue with—" Before he can finish,

Artoo starts beeping madly, cutting him off."What's wrong with him?" I ask.Luke peers curiously at the datapad. "He's found something.""What is that? Building schematic?" I ask, looking over his

shoulder at the datapad."Yeah. I guess Artoo's been keeping himself busy and getting

to know the fortress's computer. Can you project thoseschematics, Artoo?"

The droid beeps an affirmative. The schematics show acircular staircase running alongside the fortress, leading into aseries of caves that dead end in a large cavern. "What's thatroom?" I ask. Artoo beeps in response, but before I can read hisresponse on the datapad, Luke almost drops it to the floor.

"Oh my," Luke murmurs, his eyes widening in dread."What is it?"

"What is it?""Look right there," he responds, pointing to a spot in the

cavern. Artoo zooms in on the schematic.My jaw drops. "Is that…is that a Spaarti cloning cylinder?"Luke nods gravely. "That's what it is, alright. What in the galaxy

are they doing with a cloning cylinder? I thought you said this wasThrawn's operation; Thrawn created his clones on Wayland."

"Yeah…but Pestage said that this was Thrawn's fallback, incase he failed. Thrawn was a genius, Luke, of course he'd preparefor every possible outcome, such as the destruction of MountTantiss."

"Okay, but then why is there only one cloning cylinder in thecavern?"

"Because they only need one," I sigh.Luke gapes at me as he picks up my insinuation. "You think

that Pestage is planning to bring back Thrawn, don't you?""As much as I hate to admit it, yes. Think about it—Thrawn kept

this operation nice and quiet, even when he was waging waragainst the New Republic. This fortress would be the perfect placeto protect a clone if his attacks failed, wouldn't it?"

"So that's it, then," Luke says. "Pestage found his way outhere, was impressed with Thrawn's operation, and now believesthat he can restore the old Empire with him as Emperor andThrawn once again leading the fleet."

"Thrawn and Pestage working together…that's a scary thoughtfor the New Republic."

"Yeah." He shoves the datapad into his pack. "Let's get out ofhere."

"You don't have to tell me twice," I agree.As we head out the door, Luke takes my lightsaber from his

belt and places it in my hand. I hold it reverently and almost kiss it,so glad am I to have it once again in my grasp.

Once we get into the hallway, Luke turns to his droid. "Artoo,go find the entrance to the caves, okay? Send out a homing signalwhen you get there, and then stay out of sight." The droid bleeps inresponse, then rolls down the hallway. Before we can follow, Lukeignites his lightsaber. "I think we're about to get company," hesighs.

I reach out with the Force, and sure enough, I sense severalbeings approaching our direction. "I guess they found Pestageslumped over the table," I laugh. Luke grins at me, and we jogdown the hallway in Artoo's direction. We come to a corner andLuke moves to follow the droid, but I hold him back, pointing in thedirection of the hangar. "I remember seeing blast doors in thisdirection. We should head this way and knock out as many as wecan, to throw them off and make them think we're trying to get tothe ship. We can hold up near the hangar and take them out there,then double back and throw them off our trail."

"Right," Luke agrees, and for a moment I'm shocked that hedidn't voice any protest against my plan, and I start to wonder ifmaybe things really have changed between us in the past fewdays. But I don't have time to think about that for long; after wemake it around a few more corners, blaster bolts start zooming byus. I drop to the ground on instinct while Luke turns around andblocks their shots with ease, running backwards the entire timewithout stumbling once.

I bound back to my feet and run ahead of him, searching for ourtarget, and then I see it. "Blast doors coming up!" I yell.

I feel his mental affirmation, and quickly we rush past the firstset of doors. I slam the door shut against the oncoming troopers

and shoot out the control panel, trapping them on the other side.Before they can start bringing up the door, we continue furtherdown the hallway, shooting out the rest of the blast doors on ourway to the hangar. I sense more stormtroopers approaching us,and sure enough, as we come to another intersection, we bothdrop to the ground as blaster bolts come flying from a differentdirection. We're back on our feet in seconds, blocking their shotswith ease.

"This way!" Luke yells, pulling me down another hallway. Werun in tandem, Luke turning around to block the bolts, then leadingthe way while I bring my lightsaber up to guard. We pass severalmore blast doors before Luke's comlink beeps. Luke stops for amoment to check the datapad. "Okay, there should be a hallwaycoming up that will take us back into the fortress," he says.

I reach out into the Force, realizing that this is not good news atall. "Of course…that's where all the stormtroopers are," I sigh.

"And when is anything simple for us?" he laughs. "Alright, let'sstick to your plan—hold up here and let them come to us, to makethem think we're on our way to the ship. Then we'll double back."

"Sounds good to me."For a minute, the only sound comes from the humming of our

lightsabers. I sense the stormtroopers coming from in front of usand to the right, and my feet start to shift in anticipation, preparingfor a fight. Then I hear them, their shouts getting closer and thenoise of blaster fire getting louder and louder. Luke tenses at myback and brings his lightsaber up.

The two blast doors begin to open at the same time. I bring mylightsaber up in a reflection of Luke's, ready to defend myself. Theybegin shooting before I can even see their helmets, but I drop tothe ground and block their shots with ease. My lightsaber moves

as if on automatic pilot, and my eyes begin to close as I feel theForce flowing around me, guiding my movements. Once again, Iam amazed at how right it feels to be fighting this way. I've gotteninto several scuffles while in Karrde's employ, but nothing like whatI trained for at the Jedi Academy.

Even as I'm blocking and dodging blaster fire from a squadronof stormtroopers, I begin to wonder if I was wrong—if I do belongin the Jedi Order, after all.

Suddenly Luke is standing by my side, and I realize that all thestormtroopers from his direction have been taken down. I hearLuke's voice in my mind: I block, you shoot! I send him back anaffirmative, and whip out my holdout blaster. I get off several quickshots, downing more of troopers, while Luke deflects back theirblaster bolts. As one of them flies dangerously close to my head,Luke steps forward and raises his right arm.

In an instant, the remaining stormtroopers fly backwardsthrough the air, landing in a heap several meters back. Run! Lukeyells. I'm way ahead of him, barreling down the hallway, followinghis mental directions. As we come to another blast door, I seemore stormtroopers heading towards us. But we don't hesistate;we stand our ground, deflecting their shots with ease.

And Luke and I fight side by side, I feel exactly as I have duringall of our sparring sessions. It's not only as if I'm meant to fight as aJedi, but also that I'm meant to fight this way with him.

After I shoot down the remaining stormtroopers, I stretch outinto the Force and sense that we're now clear to get back to Artoo."We should be safe," Luke says, echoing my thoughts. I glance athim; he's not even breathing heavily. "This way." He grabs my armand we take off down the hallway, changing direction several timesuntil coming to a long corridor that leads to a seemingly dead end.

The door opens to reveal a circular staircase and a twitteringArtoo Deetoo. Luke levitates the droid as we head down thestaircase, and after several minutes of walking, we arrive at theunderground caves.

"They didn't put up much of a fight," I comment as we headthrough the tunnels, not wanting to jinx ourselves, but unable toresist making the observation. "Not for two Jedi, at least."

"No," he agrees, "they didn't. I wonder…""What?"He glances at me. "Maybe they wanted us to come down

here." I continue moving forward despite the trepidation his wordscause me. At a cross in the caves, Artoo turns left, and we follow.

"I wonder what the Remnant will say about all this," I murmur."Or the New Republic," Luke mutters back.I give a heavy sigh. "So much for those peace talks working

out, huh?""Yeah," Luke agrees. "Do you think that the Empire of the

Hand will join Bastion?""Join them? No. I think Pestage and Thrawn will take control of

the Remnant, using the more radical Imperials to their advantage,and then set out to destroy the New Republic."

We walk further into the caves, bringing out our glowrods tolight our path. I glance up and see several large avian-likecreatures hanging from the cave ceiling, seemingly watching us. Ielbow Luke and point to them. "What are they?" I ask.

"No clue. But they're ignoring us, so that's good enough for meright now."

We continue in silence, and my mind starts to wander back tomy conversation with Pestage, and his assertion that nobody evertruly leaves the Empire. Not that long ago, I agreed with him. I

truly leaves the Empire. Not that long ago, I agreed with him. Iwould have done anything to have the Empire return to its formerglory. I wanted nothing more than to go back to my old life—onethat I believed was full of power and prestige and respect.

Even after I gained some stability while working for Karrde, I'dsometimes wonder what my life would be like if the old Empire stillexisted. Would I still be that same naïve girl, carrying out theEmperor's bidding and feeling a false sense of pride every time Iaccomplished one of his tasks? Would I have gained more powerin the Empire's leadership, or would I still be stuck in the shadows,known to only the most elite members of the Emperor's innercircle? Would I have ever found any sense of personal happiness,or would I still be merely a pawn in the galactic conflict of lightversus dark?

Now, as I am faced with the possibility of a resurgent Empireonce again taking over the galaxy, I know in my heart that I wouldnever be able to go back to my old life. I don't want the false senseof order and stability that I felt while serving the Empire. I want torush headfirst into a new life and tread along an unknown path. Iwant to be my own person, and live only for my own happiness.And as I glance at the man standing beside me, I realize that, nomatter what happens, I want him to be standing by my side.

Luke glances at me curiously, as if he realizes that somethinghas shifted inside me, but he doesn't question me—not yet.There's time for that later. He merely gives me a reassuring smile.Then, Artoo begins to beep rapidly, and I see a bend in the caveup ahead. "It's coming up," Luke says.

I hold out my arm to stop him. "What are we going to do aboutthis clone?" I know that Luke does not want to have to kill theclone. It is still an innocent being. But if this clone really does have

all of Thrawn's memories and tactical genius, it could spelldisaster for the first real chance at galactic peace in almost threedecades.

Luke doesn't answer, and that is all the response I need.I stick close behind him as we come to the entrance of the

large cavern. Before we can enter, Luke stops dead in his tracksand I slam into him, grabbing his waist to keep from toppling over.Before I can ask what is wrong, I hear his sharp intake of breath."That's…that's not Thrawn," he whispers.

I peer around him to get a good look at the cloning cylinder.Sure enough, the body being grown inside is human, not Chiss.

"This doesn't make sense," Luke continues, his voice growingfraught with worry and confusion. "Pestage said this was Thrawn'soperation. Who would he be trying to bring back, if not him?"

As if in answer, Pestage's voice echoes inside my mind: Youmay find that we have exactly what you've been looking for. Andthen a memory stirs, just as it had inside Exar Kun's temple, when Iwas confronted with the presence of a Sith: You might find morethan you are looking for.

Stepping forward, as if I'm once again being called to do hisbidding, my eyes widen with dread and my heart skips a beat."No," I whimper, my blood turning cold at the realization. "No…itcan't be…he's insane…" I bring my hands to my face in disbeliefas my voice trails off, no longer able to speak.

Suddenly everything makes sense—why Pestage is involved inthis operation. Why the more moderate Imperial Remnant isn't.Why Pestage was absolutely certain that I would join him.

Because for so many years, I was the Emperor's Hand, andgiven the chance to serve him again, Pestage believed I wouldjump at the opportunity. After all, isn't that what I had once said to

Luke—that all I wanted was to have the old Empire back?And that was impossible…because the Emperor was dead."What is it?" Luke looks at me, concerned. Before I can

answer, he looks back to the cloning cylinder, and then I see in hiseyes that he has realized it, too. He straightens up, standingperfectly still except for his hand, which reaches out to grasp mine.

The body inside the cloning cylinder is much younger than Iremember, but the feeling I have in the Force is unmistakable.

I'm looking at a fully mature clone of Emperor Palpatine, readyto be reborn into the galaxy, and steal away my life once more.

24. Chapter 23

A/N: Song for this chapter: Your Congratulations, AlanisMorissette. (This song, more than any other, was my inspirationfor Mara's characterization in this fic. You should listen to it!)

A/N: Mara's backstory is an original creation based onreferences in canon.

A/N: Inspiration for the next several chapters was taken fromVision of the Future by Timothy Zahn.

CHAPTER 23The universe spins around me, without care for up or down, left

or right, backwards or forewords.The air suffocates me; I cannot draw breath. My soul is ripped

from my body, torn away through vast spaces and time long past.I fall in a heap on the floor of a long-forgotten place, besotted

with lush and exotic decorations, filled with promises of freedomand self-determination, and bursting with false pride. False pridefor the Hand who has succeeded in so many of his biddings. Falsepride for the Hand who lives her life with only one purpose—to doas he pleases; to earn his approval, and his congratulations.

The universe need not exist anymore; how can it when I am nolonger that girl?

Again the universe spins around me, and I am small, barely achild, sitting on a familiar woman's lap. I hold her red gold hair inmy tiny fingers, squealing in delight because even so young, Iknow that my hair is starting to look like hers, and that makes mehappy, because I want to be just like her.

A man with green eyes sits next to us. He reads from adatapad, telling tales of ancient warriors who can wield power like

magic and who brandish glowing swords, a testament to all whowatch them that they are their protectors until death. He turns to mewith a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes, which reflect myown.

I watch them, and I am happy, because they are the peoplewho gave me life. They are the people who love me and cherishme and promise to protect me from the monster who vows tosnatch me away in the night.

But even so, their promises are made in vain, and even at sucha young age, I know they cannot protect me against him.

Suddenly a loud blast penetrates our home and my fatherrushes towards the door, brandishing a laser gun, but I know that itwill do no good. He yells for my mother to take me and hide, andwe run through hidden corridors into a small room, barely morethan a closet, where we hide. My mother stands in front of me andbrandishes her own glowing sword of protection.

The room is soundproof, but I can hear the shouts in my head.He is coming.The man who I have seen in my dreams. The hooded man with

a walking stick, feigning weakness for all who watch him from afarand aspire to overthrow his reign. He desires confrontation; hewants to draw out those weary warriors whose spirits were brokenon the battlefield for so many years. He wants to draw out thesmart ones who hid—those who have spawned new a generationof knights that will one day return to kill him, if they are not first bentto his will.

I have seen him many times in my dreams; he promises mepower, protection, and a home. He scares me, but I do not tellanyone of my dreams, for fear that they would think me evil, as heis. I cannot bear the thought of the ones who love me so much

is. I cannot bear the thought of the ones who love me so muchbeing so disappointed in me.

But now he is coming, and there is nothing that can stop him.I hear shouts and laser blasts, and through the hooded man's

eyes, I see my father fall to the floor in death. I scream, which callsthe hooded man to me even more, but it does not matter, for heknows that I am here, and he will not leave until I am his.

My mother jumps in front of me, holding me back, whisperingprayers of protection and calling on the Force for guidance, buteven the Force is no match for him.

The door opens…but it is not the hooded figure I have seen inmy dreams. It is a dark, helmeted figure, full of conflict but just asevil as the other. My mother pushes me back, letting out a war cry,but the helmeted figure does not falter. He tilts his head and bringsout his own glowing red sword, and my mother begins to weep.

"Please, Anakin…don't do this…" she whispers, and thehelmeted man roars in anger, incensed by her presumption to callhim by that name. I stare in shock and awe as the one calledAnakin cuts down my mother in a single stroke, all of her skill andprotection gone in a short second under the power of this darkman.

I stay hidden in the shadows, unable to speak or move, but stillhe comes after me. He has been sent for this one purpose and hewill not disappoint his master. He can never disappoint his master,for nobody ever says no to him and survives.

The helmeted man—if he even is a man—takes me by the armand carries me through my home—my former home. I do notscream or protest, for I know that it is futile, and I know I can nolonger afford to appear weak.

He puts me down, and stares at me through his helmeted eyes.

"You are coming with me, child," his loud bass voice rumbles out,and all I can do is nod. I know that I am going with him to meet thehooded man from my dreams. My eyes close, blocking out thegalaxy and the harsh new reality that I am forced to accept if I wantto survive.

And then he is in front of me, the hooded man from my dreams,staring at me with yellow eyes in something akin to awe or glee orfear, but most of all desire—desire to possess me, to mold me inhis vision, to make me his own. To take away every bit of myhumanity and break what makes me who I am, and remake meinto his own little experiment. It will be easy, for a mere child hasno chance of standing up to him, even though I desperately want torefuse…but nobody ever says no to him.

"Welcome, Mara Jade." His voice is soft but cruel. It containsall the false promises of what I can be in life. I want to scream andrun away from him, but it is useless. I know that, no matter what Ido, I am now his. I can hear him in my mind, telling me who I am,and what I will become—his Hand.

"Are you happy to be here, child?" he asks.I know that he can see through my lies, but it does not matter.

He cares nothing about what is in my heart. He will change thatlater. Now, he is only concerned about my mind. When he winsthat, he will own me.

"Yes, Master," I whisper…and in that moment, I know that mylife has ended.

I close my eyes and wake up to a scorching hot heat, abrightness that encompasses all the glory of the planet's twin suns.I know that today is the day when he will come, when I will fulfill mymaster's wishes once more. I will kill the man who threatens todestroy my master and, therefore, threatens to destroy my life.

I stand hidden as he enters the palace. He wears a cloak and ahood, reminding me so much of the master that I so dutifully serve—but then again, he is nothing like him at all.

I remain silent, not wanting to give myself away, shielding mymind as my master has taught me. I watch with bated breath asthis man—no, this boy, not so much older than myself—cheatsdeath and brings down the wrath of the Hutt upon him. I listen to hiswarnings of death and destruction, awestruck that this boy—thisnobody—could do what he has done. And in the small part ofMara Jade's mind that still exists, I begin to wonder if this boy ismuch more than what my master has told me.

Then I am sent away, a failure. I close my eyes, and throughtime and space, I see my master standing over me, his faceinches from mine, laced with a sneer that is filled withdisappointment and promises of punishment if I do not succeed inmy next task. So I fight on, striving to earn his approval onceagain…but suddenly my master is gone, taken from me by the boyI failed to kill, and for the second time, I know that my life hasended.

For many years I wander aimlessly, searching for the boy whodestroyed my life, so that I may fulfill my master's last command.When I finally find him, his perfect crystal blue eyes stare back atme, trying to understand what I am looking for. My blaster shakesin my grip as I threaten his life, because he has stolen mine, butstill his eyes show no fear. Instead, they show compassion andwarmth and—even though I cannot recognize it at the time—love.

I have searched high and low for this boy—no, this man—formany years, wanting nothing more than to kill him and earn thecongratulations of my master once again. But, now, as I stare intohis eyes, the newfound woman—the Mara Jade who was

destroyed by her master, only to come back to life out of necessityafter his death—begins to wonder if this man is in fact exactlywhat I have been looking for.

The universe spins around me again, and then the blue eyesare there once more…only not. I am fighting against the man Istruggled for so long to find and kill…only not. In that last moment, Ifinally give in to my old master…and even as I thrust the bladeforward, I realize how wonderful a thought that is—my old master.

His last command is fulfilled, and I am free…But soon the chains fall upon me again, and I realize that I will

never, ever be able to break free, for I have killed with free will andan eager heart; I have served the darkness and stood by its sideas it flourished across the galaxy; I am no more worthy than mymaster or his apprentice to wear the title of Jedi.

Still I press on, refusing to succumb to despair, knowing that, ifI can survive, I may one day finally get the chance to beat him…

And then the blue eyes find me again, and they shake me,willing me to wake up, to do penance for my sins, and to finallyrealize that I carry inside of me exactly what I've been looking for allthese dark, lonely years…

Forgiveness....

...Time stops and I fall through an abyss, but before I can

collapse, I am held in place by a warm hand on my arm. I look upand see Luke staring at me intently, his clear blue eyes filled withconcern. I can't recall how long we stand there, clutching eachother in disbelief, but suddenly I stand up straight. I have beengiven a second chance, and I will take it. I march forward, my faceset with determination and purpose, hiding my true feelings inside.But as soon as I take a few steps into the cavern, I stop in mytracks.

The Force is gone.I can hear Luke. I can see him. I can touch him. But I cannot feel

him.We glance at each other at the same time. "Ysalamiri," he

whispers."Why?" I whisper back. He nods in the direction of the cloning

cylinder. "You think Pestage thought he could control Palpatinewith ysalamiri?" I cry. "He's more insane than I thought!"

Still clutching onto each other, we walk further into the cavern,and I have to force myself not to stare at the body inside of thecloning cylinder. Once, as the Emperor's Hand, I had moreconfidence than anyone in the galaxy. Under Palpatine's tutelage, Ibelieved myself to be infallible, unstoppable, invincible. TheEmpire was where I belonged, and I would give anything to defendit. But now, faced with the man who broke me and shaped me intohis own, my confidence shatters, and the only thing there to helpme pick it up is the man standing by my side.

We stop in front of the transparisteel barrier that separates thecloning cylinder from the rest of the cavern. "We have to end this," Ideclare.

Luke shakes his head. "That's a Braxxon-Fipps 590 fusiongenerator. We can't just destroy it."

"We don't have to destroy it," I smile. Ironically, it is Palpatine'straining that will enable me to finally beat him. I remember back toa mission that involved disabling the same type of generator, andPalpatine's insistence that my task be completed quietly, inferringwhat would happen if I failed—I needn't worry about punishment,because the blast would most certainly kill me.

"I take it you know how to disable this thing?""Yeah, I think I can remember how." It's an understatement; as

much as I want to forget about my former life as the Emperor'sHand, my memory of all my old missions is nearly flawless.

"Why am I not surprised?" he murmurs. I throw him a look as Iignite my lightsaber, but Luke holds out his arm to stop me. "Don'tbe rash. We need to get out of here and call for help. We can't dothis on our own."

I give him an incredulous look. "What was that? Did LukeSkywalker just admit out loud that he needs help? Artoo, I hopeyou were recording that."

"Haha, very funny. I'm being serious, Mara.""So am I," I hiss. "This needs to end. I need to do this.""Mara—""Luke, please. I need to do this."After a moment, he nods in understanding and releases my

arm. I block my face as I jam my lightsaber through the barrier; itshatters instantly, and Luke instinctively throws me to the ground toblock me from the flying glass. I grimace as a stray shard slashesthrough my leg, and feel Luke tense on top of me as pieces smashinto his back.

"Are you okay?" he whispers in my ear, still flush on top of me."Yeah," I grunt. I twist my head to stare up at him. "You want to

get off—?"

"Or am I just getting comfortable, I know, I know," Luke saysslyly as he slips off me. "Here," he hands me a multitool from hisbelt.

I step through the destroyed barrier and immediately get towork, stripping wires and mumbling to myself the old memories ofcolors and patterns and seconds. Luke stands behind me,watching me work, not uttering a word, knowing that to do sowould be to break the spell.

It is almost done, my victory so close at hand, when I hearthem. I work faster, but it is to no avail—there they are, six sentineldroids, as if manifested from thin air, blocking our exit back intothe cave.

They immediately begin firing on us, their blaster bolts comingdangerously close to the generator. Luke and I share a worriedglance, and without having to say a word we dive back towards themiddle of the chamber. We bring up our lightsabers and arevictorious in deflecting the droids' blaster bolts, but are useless indestroying them. "They're shielded!" Luke screams.

We block their blasts for several more minutes, but it's still ofno use, and without the Force to call upon, I find myself tiring. "Thisisn't going to work!"

"We have to keep fighting, don't give up! Do you think you canyou jump up to the balcony?" he yells, tilting his head behind us.

I glance up at the circular balcony overhead, which provides amuch needed line of sight block from the sentinel droids. With theForce to assist me, it wouldn't be a problem, but I don't think I canmanage it by myself. Still, I know it is our only chance, and I knowthat Luke will be able to jump up with no problem. "I can with yourhelp!" I tell him.

Luke looks at me for a moment, his expression unreadable, but

then nods. "Cover me!" he yells, and then, so fast I can barelymake out his move, he jumps up to the balcony, grasping the edgewith his hands and pulling himself up. "Your turn!" he yells, holdinghis hand out to me.

With a grunt, I bend my knees and jump with all my might. Lukegrabs my hand and swiftly pulls me up the rest of the way beforethe sentinel droids can shoot at me. They keep firing in ourdirection, but shut down their blasters once they realize that, nowlying down on the balcony, we are out of sight from their blasts."Now what do we do?" I ask breathlessly.

"I don't know—we'll think of something.""I guess we were wrong, huh?""About what?""The ysalamiri weren't for him," I reply, gesturing towards the

cloning cylinder. "They were for us—for anyone who came in heretrying to destroy the clone."

We lie there for several minutes, not speaking, not looking ateach other. The only sound in the cavern is the whir of the droids.Slowly, Luke reaches out his hand to grasp mine. As our fingersintertwine together, still unable to feel him through the Force, itfinally hits me—there's no getting out of here alive. I've damnedhim to death.

I've killed him."I'm sorry," I whisper."What?""You said we should go back and get help, but I wouldn't listen

to you. I never listen. This is all my fault.""No, Mara," Luke says, clutching my hand even tighter. "Don't

talk that way. We'll figure something out."But even now, I still refuse to listen to him. I finally meet his

But even now, I still refuse to listen to him. I finally meet hisgaze, and seeing the love in his eyes, I feel like the most awfulperson in the galaxy. "I'm sorry, Luke. I'm sorry for not opening upto you…I'm sorry for leaving…I'm sorry for everything..."

"Stop it!" he yells, shaking my shoulders. "What the hell iswrong with you? This isn't the Mara Jade I fell in love with!"

I wish I could rejoice in his declaration, but with the realizationof what I've done hanging over me like a fog, I cannot feel any joy,only heartache. "It's too bad, you know," I say, brushing a lock ofhair from his face. "We did make a good couple, after all."

"We do make a good couple. Listen to me, Mara," he cups myface in his hands. "You promised me that we'd talk after leavingNirauan, remember, and I'm holding you to that promise! You'renot getting out if it that easily, you got that?"

I can't respond; instead, I spare another glance at the cloningcylinder—at Palpatine, the man who stole my life. If only I'd beenable to resist him, I could have ended things. I could have killedhim in his sleep. I could be free now.

But then, as my eyes lock on to the generator…I realize that Ican end this, after all. Instead of killing Luke, I will save him.

I will defy the last command.I give Luke a bittersweet smile as I turn back to face his perfect

crystal blue eyes. No matter what, he always had hope. He alwayshad faith in me, even when I had none. Now, it is my turn to repaythe favor. This is my moment of reckoning.

"You're right about one thing," I tell him softly, taking his hair inmy fingers again. "You will get through this."

"…What—?"Cutting off his question, I stroke his cheek and pull him into one

last kiss. "See you later, Farmboy," I whisper against his lips.

"What…what are you doing? Mara? NO, MARA, STOP!MARA, NO!"

Before he can pull me back, I dive off the balcony and hit theground in a roll. The sentinels start firing as soon as I get to myfeet, but I ignore them, not even bothering to block their shots, andsprint towards the cloning cylinder as fast as I can. I ignore thepain that courses through me as their blaster bolts pierce my now-defenseless body, focusing only on getting to the cloning cylinderin front of me. Breathlessly, I drop into another roll, and then, as iffrom a memory long past, I find myself kneeling in front of my oldmaster. Unable to move, unable to even think, I stare up at thething that stole my life, and I struggle to stay upright as I hear hisvoice inside my head, just as I had for so long…

YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!I cringe and shut my eyes against his last command, refusing

to allow myself to succumb to it, remembering the little girl whowas stolen away from her home and molded into someonecompletely new and completely wrong…

YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!Remembering five long years of hopelessness and despair as

that girl grew up and became a woman, all while seeking arevenge that was never deserved…

YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!Remembering how that woman created a new life as a Jedi

but was forced to leave it behind, because she had been brokenand did not know how to fix herself…

YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER!Gathering every last bit of strength, I scream, shutting out

everything else in the universe, ignoring Luke's shouts of protest,concentrating only on the lightsaber in my hand and my desire to

end all this forever.My bright blue blade slams against the generator, and in the

peaceful second that follows, a smile tugs at my lips, and I finallywhisper the word I never thought I'd ever be able to say to myformer master:

"No."

25. Chapter 24

The penultimate chapter....A/N: Song for this chapter: Nearer My God to Thee, Eileen

Ivers, Back to Titanic soundtrackA/N: Song for this chapter: Now We Are Free, Lisa Gerrard

and Hans Zimmer, Gladiator soundtrack.CHAPTER 24.The cloning cylinder explodes in a violent rage, the ensuing

shock wave ripping apart every droid in its path. Shards of glasstear through my body, and that pain is enough to make me screamout in agony, but my voice catches in my throat as the blast throwsme clear across the room. I hit the cavern wall with a loud thud andhear my ribs crack. My head slams backwards against the hardrock and I feel blood begin to drip down my face. Breathingbecomes labored and I fear that my lungs have been punctured.

As I slide down the wall, another blast radiates from the cloneitself. This shock wave hits my very soul, and I realize that not onlydid the first explosion destroy the sentinels, but also the ysalamirihidden around the cavern. I can feel the Force again, and with itthe waves of dark energy emanating from the clone that was justdestroyed, exactly as it did when the original was thrown down areactor shaft on the second Death Star.

I collapse to the floor in a heap and hear Luke scream myname from across the cavern. I look up through fluttering eyes tosee him running towards me, and smile in relief; he was shielded

from the blast enough to escape life-threatening injuries. He will befine.

I am not sure if I will be.I black out, and the next thing I know, Luke is kneeling over me,

calling my name over and over, shaking my shoulders, pushing myhair back from my face, his hands covered with blood. His voice isfull of panic and tears glisten in his eyes.

But I don't pay attention to sight or sound. I can feel him in mymind again. This time, it is very different.

I sense Luke's every thought; feel his every emotion. I seemyself through his eyes; hear the buzzing left over from theexplosion in his ears; taste the salty tears on his lips; smell thescent of burnt metal that wafts into his nose.

It is, in one way, a logical extension of the bond that wascreated while I trained at the Jedi Academy—a bond that wascultivated during all of our time sparring, during all our meditationsessions, and the one night we spent together, when he held me inhis arms and we blocked out the rest of the galaxy, seeing onlyeach other and our love. But in another way, it is completely new.

With Palpatine, I could hear his call from anywhere in thegalaxy. I believed what I felt with him to be the ultimate power of theForce. But this…this is much more powerful.

I thought I knew Luke Skywalker before. I thought I loved himmore than I could ever love anyone.

I was wrong. This is what it should be like. This is how weshould feel…forever.

As I lie there, dying in his arms, I know that he is feeling thesame thing. Even if I couldn't sense it through the Force, I can seeit in his eyes. There is more love there than I could have everimagined someone having for me, even after seeing all my

imagined someone having for me, even after seeing all myfailures, all my fears, all my weaknesses, and my deep andprofound regret for what I once was. This time, I do not run awayfrom the openness. I do not hide from the man in front of me. Iallow him to see me—to really see me, deeply and truly, and alongwith that, the depths of my love for him.

But suddenly, even as I have this epiphany about Luke, I realizethat something is missing from the back of my mind. For the firsttime since Wayland, I no longer feel guilt for what I did as theEmperor's Hand. I no longer wish I could go back and fixeverything. I no longer believe that I am incapable of redemption.

Thinking all of this, I smile. I don't care if this is the end. It is thehappiest moment of my life. And I get to have it lying in Luke'sarms.

As if he can sense this—which he most assuredly can—hesqueezes my hand. "It's going to be okay, Mara," he chokes out,tears falling unabashedly down his face. "The ysalamiri are gone. Ican put you in a healing trance. Just stay with me, okay? Pleasestay with me…"

I meet his gaze, unable to speak. I hear the earnestness in hisvoice, the absolute conviction that I will make it. I know that Luke ispowerful, and I hope that he is right. But even if he is not able toheal me, I realize that I am not afraid of dying—not anymore.

Luke shakes his head against my thoughts. "You'll get throughthis. We'll get through it together. I promise. You just need to fightfor me, okay?"

But I'm no longer concentrating on him, because suddenly, as iffrom a far off place, I see a man and woman standing over me.The man's green eyes twinkle with happiness. The woman's redgold hair whips around her face, framing the smile that graces her

lips. I sense that they want nothing more than to be with me again,but they gesture for me to stay where I am. They say it's not mytime yet.

I sense something else, too."They're proud of me," I whisper."Don't talk, Mara," Luke pleads. His expression is calm, hiding

the fear and panic I feel deep inside of him. "Just close your eyes,okay? You need to go to sleep. Then everything will be alright." Heplaces his hands on my forehead, pulling me into a healing trance.I start to drift away, but I force my eyes to stay open for just a fewmore moments. I have to tell him this in case the trance does notwork.

"You wanted to know what it would take for me to finally forgivemyself," I croak, almost unable to get out my words. He leans downto hear me, his hands warm on the sides of my face, and I pull himto me in a kiss.

I do not kiss him because I love him. I do not kiss him becauseI am grateful for his ever-present belief in me. I do not kiss himbecause I want to give him one last kiss before I die. I kiss himbecause, for the first time since I have known him, being with himfeels absolutely right.

Everything feels right.As I pull away, I find myself staring into his eyes again. I can

feel his breath on my face, as if he is trying to put life back into mybody. He searches me, trying to find the answer to his question. Irecognize the expression all too well, because I have been lookingat myself in the mirror the same way for many years.

Gathering up my last bit of strength, I smile and tell him what hehas so desperately wanted to hear, because he deserves to know:

"I beat him, Luke. I finally beat him.

"And now I can forgive myself."Those are the last words I speak before the blackness takes

me....

.

.

.My eyes open slowly. I blink rapidly, trying to push away the last

remnants of sleep. For a moment, I do not know where I am. I donot even know if I am alive.

Then, like the bright sunlight shining on the very core of mybeing, I sense Luke's presence, and I realize that everything isgoing to be okay. He sits next to me, staring down at me with arelieved expression on his face. "Hi," he whispers.

He helps me sit up and I look around, trying to figure out whereI am. It is dark, and I realize that we are still in the caves that led usinto the cloning chamber on Nirauan. Above us are the sameavian-like creatures watching us, as if they are on guard. "Hi," Iwhisper back.

Luke smiles at me and takes my hand in his. "You made it."I smile back at him, reaching out into the Force to sense the

universe around me. "Yeah," I sigh happily. "I guess I did.""Don't you ever do that to me again," he growls, but his eyes

twinkle with happiness, betraying his true emotions."I won't," I squeeze his hand. "I promise."He moves even closer to me and brings my hand to his lips.

"How do you feel?"

"How do you feel?"I look down at myself. All my injuries are gone. I touch my head,

but no blood comes off on my hands. Luke must have washed meoff while I was in the healing trance. I feel brand new…like I've justbeen born again.

"I feel wonderful," I tell him, and I do, in so many ways.His smile grows even bigger. I hear his next thought, one that

he does not say out loud: Now we can be together…forever…For once, I do not flinch away at being so connected to him. I

do not shy away from the openness. I hold his gaze, taking in theman I tried to find for so many years, only to run away from when Ifinally found exactly what I was looking for. "Yes," I murmur."Forever."

Luke gently caresses my face and leans his lips down to mine.But, ever the practical one, I pull away before he can taste hisvictory. "Wait! How long have I been out?" I ask.

His expression shifts from one of bewilderment to one ofamusement. "Four days," he replies, gently pushing the stray lockshair from my face.

"Oh." I cannot get my head around that fact. Without evenhaving to ask, I know that he has stayed with me the entire time."What's happening?" I gesture above us.

He takes my other hand in his as he answers. "Once I got youout of the cavern, I was able to link up Artoo to the Jade's Fire anduse the ship's comm system to send a message to Leia. Fromwhat the Qom Jha have informed me, the New Republic showedup earlier this morning to clean up this mess. But apparently therewasn't much of a fight."

"The Qom Jha?" I question."Indigenous creatures to Nirauan, along with the Qom Qae,"

Luke explains, pointing to the avians above us. "I discovered Icould speak to them through the Force. They have been mosthelpful."

"Oh." I try to reconcile everything he's told me. Somethingdoesn't add up. "The fleet got here this morning, you said?"

"From as much as I can tell. I haven't heard anything from themyet, but then again, I haven't bothered to check Artoo for anymessages."

I stare at him incredulously, realizing what is out of place."But…but why aren't you up there with them, helping to put an endto it?" I ask. "Why are you still down here?"

Luke stares at me. "Because this is where you are," he replies,as if it is the most obvious answer in the universe.

"Oh.""Apparently spending four days unconscious does wonders for

your powers of eloquence," Luke quips, running his fingers downmy face.

"Are you…are you teasing me, Skywalker? No less then fiveminutes after me waking up from healing trance that saved mefrom certain death?"

Luke's eyes twinkle in amusement. "You have a problem withthat?"

I grin at him. "No—I'm impressed, actually."He chuckles, and then we fall into a comfortable silence,

listening to the fluttering of wings above us. I know that he is tryingto think of what to say to me. I do not press him; I am content tomerely sit peacefully beside him. But then I remember something,a question to which I need to know the answer. "Luke…why didyou insist on coming with me?"

He stares straight ahead, lost in thought. For a moment, I think

that he might act like the old Luke Skywalker, and avoid confidingin me, holding on to his burdens alone, but things are differentnow. He wants to tell me. He wants to share everything with me.

That's why he's here, after all.He speaks slowly, hesitantly. "One night, right after the ball, I…I

had a vision.""Of?" I ask, even though I already know."Of you…lying on the floor of a large cavern. And you

looked…""Dead?" I suggest.He nods. I watch him closely; his face is gripped with the fear

that he felt when he thought he was going to see his vision cometrue. I place my hand on his arm, wanting to reassure him that hisvision has been passed, and he turns to face me. "I hadn't evengone back to Yavin IV yet, but I couldn't get the vision out of myhead. It was exactly like when I saw Han and Leia in danger onBespin. I knew that I should go back to the Academy; that I wasneeded there. And I knew that you could take care of yourself. But Ijust couldn't let it go.

"I could hear Master Yoda's voice, exactly like it was onDagobah, telling me to do my duty. Telling me to be a good,perfect Jedi. But just like on Dagobah, I couldn't listen to him, and Irealized that I didn't want to. He was right about so many things,but not this. My compassion for others isn't wrong. I need it to keepme sane.

"Leia said I was crazy to go running after you, that I shouldsend you a message warning you of the possible danger and geton with my life. She was afraid I'd get hurt again. But Han told meto go. He said I'd be crazy not to."

"Wait a minute…Han Solo told you to act on a Force vision?"

Luke grins. "It makes sense, once you get to know him.Despite all his talk, he's a big softie. And he likes you."

"Oh." I have to remember to buy Han a very big drink the nexttime I see him…after I set things right with Leia.

Luke takes my hand again and begins to trace the lines on mypalm with his finger. "Once I got to the Wild Karrde and saw thatyou were okay, I was relieved, but I still couldn't get the vision out ofmy head. When you said you were going somewhere, I justcouldn't let you go alone. I knew something bad was going tohappen. I had to go with you."

"So you left all your responsibilities with the Jedi Order tofollow me halfway across the galaxy, just to make sure that I wasokay? Me, the woman who couldn't stop running away fromeverything?"

"Ironic, isn't it?""No," I reply, shaking my head, fighting back tears. "Not at all."Luke takes a deep breath before he next speaks. "When I had

that vision, Mara, I realized how stupid I was not to go running afteryou in the first place. Because I don't need to be a perfect Jedi…Idon't need to do everything by myself…but I do need to be withyou."

I smile at his words and lean in for a kiss, but this time, he isthe one to pull away. "Did you really mean what you said aboutforgiving yourself?"

I nod, thinking of what I told him back in the cavern, when Ithought I was going to die. "Yes."

"What was holding you back all that time?" he asks quietly.I sit thoughtfully for a moment, remembering the night I realized

that I had to leave the Academy. I have never once confided inanyone the true reason I left, but I no longer feel afraid to do so.

Not now. Not with him.I reach up and stroke his cheek as I finally open up to him. "I

just didn't believe that I deserved forgiveness for all the things I'ddone. Once I realized that, I couldn't stay with you, feeling that way.I had no choice but to leave."

As I finish my words, his expression turns to one of pure loveand affection. I never thought that anyone could ever look at methis way. I never thought I could accept this kind of love. "Andnow?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

"Now…now I know that I deserve it. Now I finally feel free."Luke smiles at me, tears in his eyes, and leans in to press his

forehead against mine. "I love you, Mara," he whispers, and thistime, it is a triumph to hear those words.

I laugh against him, unable to believe that we have finally gottento a place where we can let ourselves be together without any fearor apprehension of the consequences. Sending out all my love forhim through the Force, I wrap my arms around him, reveling in thefeel of his body against mine. I never want to let go, but I forcemyself to pull away so I can gaze into his perfect crystal blue eyes,and finally say the words I once swore I'd never speak aloud:

"I love you, Luke."It is my hard-earned victory.And then, on the ground of a dark Nirauan cave, with the fate of

the galaxy being decided far, far away, Luke Skywalker onceagain takes me in his arms, and we are both exactly where webelong in the universe.

26. Chapter 25

A/N: Song for this chapter: Marchin' On, One RepublicA/N: Song for this chapter: Utopia, Alanis Morissette.CHAPTER 25."Dammit, Ganner!" The loud voice screeches across the

training room, making me press my hand to my ear in protest."Sorry, Wurth. Guess you're just not fast enough for me,"

Ganner Rhysode goads his friend, smirking as he twirls around hislightsaber in victory.

"Enough, children!" I admonish them, preemptively silencingtheir eternal protests that they're teenagers, not children.

"Did you see that, Jedi Jade?" Ganner asks a little too eagerly.I sigh and rub my face with my hands; the boy is extremelytalented, there's no doubt about that, but he has an ego the size ofCoruscant and I hate to feed it any more than necessary.

"Mmm-hmm," I murmur, and of course Ganner takes that tomean that I'm giving him all the praise in the galaxy.

"Ha, see, she thinks I'm awesome!" he exclaims.I ignore Ganner and instead clap my hand on Wurth Skidder's

shoulder. "You're improving every day, Wurth. That was a verygood effort," I tell him.

The boy refuses to meet my eyes. "Not good enough," hesulks.

Ganner literally struts by, still twirling his lightsaber. I whirl onhim and he stops dead in his tracks. Under my glare, his bladeimmediately retracts back into its hilt. "Sorry, Jedi Jade," he gulps.

"What have I told you about your overconfidence, Ganner?" Isigh.

"It is my biggest weakness," he recites."And yet you still insist on prancing around like a Twi'lek

dancing girl whenever you win a duel.""I'm sorry," he mumbles.I sigh again; Ganner is a good kid, but that's exactly it—he's a

kid. "Don't apologize, Ganner, just do better next time, okay?Remember, the moment you think that you're going to win is themoment an opponent can swoop in and beat you.

"And you," I turn to Wurth, "you let him see that you thoughtyou'd been beaten. How do you expect to win a duel if you have noconfidence that you can beat him?"

"I know, Jedi Jade. I'll do better.""Good, now let's see you try again." I take a seat on one of the

benches as the two boys continue their sparring practice. Theystart out calmly enough, but soon their hormones get the best ofthem and they start trying to outdo each other, both vying for theattention of Octa Ramis, who sits across from me, watching theirduel with interest. Of course, the boys don't take any notice of theway she favors their friend, Miko Reglia, and sits closer and closerto him every day.

"Dammit, Ganner!" Wurth yells again, as his lightsaber goesflying out of his hand, and Ganner once again begins to strutaround the room. Placing my head in my hands, I'm suddenlyextremely grateful that Luke and I are leaving soon for Coruscant.

The boys start yelling at each other again, this time bringingMiko into the fray, leaving Octa to sit alone watching the chaos.She meets my gaze and rolls her eyes. I smile back at her, andthen before I can jump up and throttle the boys, I hear a throat clear

then before I can jump up and throttle the boys, I hear a throat clearfrom behind me. "Tough class?"

I turn around to see Kyp Durron leaning against the entrance tothe training room, his long hair pulled back from his face and asmirk on his lips. "You know how they are," I say, pointing mythumb at the three rowdy teenage boys.

Kyp chuckles and walks over to me. Since my return to YavinIV, we have reached somewhat of an understanding. We are notthe greatest of friends, and I doubt that we ever will be, but at leastnow I'm able to admit that he is a valuable asset to the Jedi Order.And to his credit, he always comes to my assistance whenever mystudents get too out of control, and treats me with a level ofrespect equal to what he shows Luke.

"Yeah, they remind me of myself at that age. Don't worry, youcan go now—I'll handle them," he tells me, his green eyes twinklingmischievously.

"Thanks, Kyp," I reply gratefully, rising to my feet to say good-bye to my students, and feeling giddy with the anticipation ofcrushing their hopes and dreams for their next several classes.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt this very lively conversation," I cut in,my voice rising above their shouts and catcalls, "but I'm afraid Ihave to leave now for my trip to Coruscant. Jedi Durron will beoverseeing your training classes while I'm away."

Their audible groans are music to my ears as I turn away andpass by Kyp, giving him a high five on my way out the door.

An hour later, Luke and I are sitting in the cockpit of the Jade'sFire, on our way to Coruscant for the celebration of the signing ofthe peace treaty between the New Republic and the ImperialRemnant. After Luke and I returned from Nirauan, we learned that

Fel had no idea what Pestage had been up to, and was veryeager to keep the Empire of the Hand isolationist for the timebeing. The peace talks stalled a bit while Bastion tried to changeFel's mind, but he continuously refused, and eventually GrandAdmiral Pellaeon convinced the Moffs to go ahead with the treaty.How he was ever able to do it, I'll never understand. Perhaps itwas something he learned during all that time he served Thrawn.

Once we enter hyperspace, Luke leans back in his chair,stretching and opening his arms to me. Wordlessly I rise from mychair to sit on his lap, laying my head on his shoulder.

Through the Force, I sense his growing amusement. "Hey, Inever asked you before. How was class?"

I glare at him. He looks down at me, smiling innocently."How did you ever convince me to take on those three?" I ask,

narrowing my eyes at him."You're the only one who could handle them, Mara," he

chuckles."Corran could.""Nah, he's just as arrogant as they are. He'd probably end up

punching them."I burst out laughing at the thought. "I don't think that would be

such a bad thing!""Perhaps. Speaking of Corran, will he be at the ball?""Yes, then he has some leave and wants to come to the

Academy to help with some of the newer students. Tyria, too."Luke nods, pleased by my news. My gaze lingers on him for a

moment, still in awe of how far he's come in letting people helphim; of how much the Academy has flourished under hisleadership, as opposed to his control.

"I still can't believe that we're signing a peace treaty with the

Empire," Luke murmurs."I know," I admit. "At the back of my mind, I always expected

that a new threat would emerge from somewhere, and that thegalaxy would be thrust back into another conflict. But I guess thepeace is real now."

Luke is quiet for a moment. "Yes," he murmurs. "It's nice. Justyou and me."

I throw him a look. "And an entire Academy full of Jediapprentices."

"Yeah, them too."We grow quiet again, and suddenly I'm aware of anxiety

building up within Luke. He avoids my gaze, his arm inside hisrobes, moving slightly, as if he is holding something in his hand.

"All right, what is it?" I ask, leaning back to examine him."What?" he replies innocently."Please. Something's been bothering you since we got on the

ship. Now spill it."He grimaces. "You did warn me that you'd get really good at

that if you became a Jedi, didn't you?""Yeah, and that was even before all that Force-bond stuff

happened, so now you're really screwed, Skywalker. Spill it."He takes a deep breath. "Here," he says, removing his hand

and handing me a black velvet box, one that looks all too similar tothe box that held the necklace I still wear every day. "I got this foryour birthday."

I stare at the box. "But my birthday isn't for weeks, and I toldyou not to get me anything!"

"I know, but I couldn't stop thinking of the last ball, when the onlyjewelry you had was that necklace, and I wanted you to havesomething nicer to wear this time around."

I begin to protest, because I don't need any other jewelry; mynecklace is more special than anything else he could ever buy me.But then I open the box, and I once again lose the ability to speak.

Sitting inside the box is a ring that perfectly matches mynecklace. But this piece of jewelry is most definitely not from aCoruscanti market.

I gently remove the ring from its slot and turn it over in my hand.The band is silver-toned, just like the chain around my neck, but Iknow that this metal is far more precious than plain silver—perennium, I think. The stone itself is identical in both cut and colorto the one around my neck, but I can tell just by looking at it that thisstone is not at all commonly found.

"I found it on Ilum," Luke tells me, once again reading my mind.I stare at him in disbelief.

"Ilum?" I gasp.He nods. I remember his trip off planet several months ago,

when he went to gather Adegan crystals for some much-neededtraining lightsabers, and I stayed behind on Yavin IV to watch overthe Academy with Kam and Tionne Solusar.

"I was hurrying about, trying to gather as many crystals as Icould find before the weather turned really bad, and then I stoppedin my tracks," he explains, as he takes the ring and places it on myfinger. "This one crystal caught my eye—it seemed different fromthe others, a slightly different shade of green—and it was just likewhen I saw your necklace back in the market on Coruscant. All Icould see were your eyes staring back at me."

"And you had it made into a ring?" I ask in disbelief, still unableto process the enormity of this gesture.

"Yes," he replies, as I stare at it, entranced.Time stops as his thumb begins to gently caress the side of my

hand. I watch his ministrations, but then he forces my chin up tostare into his eyes.

"Marry me?"My eyes widen at his request. I break into a huge grin and

glance back down at the ring on my finger."So…this is an engagement ring?" I ask, forcing myself not to

laugh.Luke nods, shifting nervously underneath me.A very naughty idea runs through my mind, and, of course, I

cannot resist. "That's very devious of you, getting me to put it onbefore even asking the question."

"Mara—""You've definitely been hanging around me too long, pulling

tricks like that.""Mara—""I mean, it's like you just assumed I'd say yes or something…""Mara—""…And you know what they say about people who assume—"This time, he is the one to cut me off, with an amorous kiss on

the mouth. Even through his kiss, I still pretend to protest. It's justtoo damn fun to tease him.

Slowly, he pulls away, grimacing at me. "You're not going tomake this easy for me, are you?" he growls.

I gently place my hand on his cheek. "Master Skywalker, whenhave I ever made anything easy for you?"

He shakes his head in exasperation, and then removes thering from my finger. Slowly, he shifts my weight so he can get upfrom the chair. Then he kneels down in front of me and takes myhand in his, before looking me straight in the eye.

"Mara, will you marry me?"

"Mara, will you marry me?"I stare at the ring in his hand, my expression turning serious.

Normally, I would never give up teasing him so quickly. I wouldconsider myself honor-bound to make him sweat some more. Iwould try my best to make his life difficult. But suddenly, all of thatseems pointless. Luke has seen inside my very soul. He knew myanswer before he could even ask the question.

He knew my answer back in a cave on Nirauan.I allow him to place the ring on my finger again, and laugh at

myself as a tear comes to my eye. "Yes," I tell him. "I will.".....

.

.

.

.

.I stand on the roof of the Imperial Palace, regarding the

bustling traffic below, once again smiling at the thought of thosebeings going about their lives without any sense of regard for thelarger universe. At one time, I longed to be one of those people—just a normal woman going through my daily life with nocomplications.

Now, everything is different. Now, I am Mara Jade Skywalker,someone's wife—Luke's wife.

No, I definitely do not want to be anyone else at this moment.

Yet, here I am, once again shying away from the crowd and theobligations of my life. I do not know why this place has called to meagain; I am happier than I have ever been. Maybe I am herebecause I realize that things have come full circle. Maybe I amhere because it was in this place that my new life began. Maybe Iam here because I have finally learned to appreciate peace andquiet more than anything else in the galaxy.

With my Luke.I hear the door open behind me, and then he is there, as he

always is. I don't look back at him as he approaches. I do not needto.

He stands close to me and reaches out to take my hand, whichnow displays two beautiful pieces of jewelry, indicating that I amhis, forever. We stare out at the skyline together, breathing in thecool Coruscant air. After several moments, he breaks the silence."I thought I'd find you here."

"Am I that obvious?""You are to me."I give him a sly smile, then turn back to look at the darkening

sky."What's wrong?" he asks."Nothing," I reply. "I'm just thinking.""Lots to think about?""You could say that again." I meet his gaze. "I don't have any

regrets, if that's what you're worried about. It's just…sometimes it'scrazy to think of all that's happened."

"I know what you mean.""But I know that it's right.""Me, too. So, why are you here?""I just wanted some peace and quiet, I guess. Your sister sure

does know how to throw a party," I laugh, thinking of the very drunkand rowdy Rogues making fools of themselves in the ballroomright now.

"That she does," he agrees. "Are you sure you're not out herebecause you're avoiding your promised slow dances with everymember of Rogue Squadron?"

"Very funny. If you remember, I didn't make that promise, it wasCorSec, and I'm still going to kill him for it."

"I'm sure you are," he chuckles, leaning in to gently kiss mycheek, "but you'll have to beat me to it." I smile and lean againsthim, closing my eyes and slipping my arms around his waist.

"I love you, Mrs. Skywalker," he murmurs into my hair."Jade Skywalker," I correct him."I love you, Mrs. Jade Skywalker."I let out a soft sigh. "I love you too, Luke."We stand there for long moments, swaying in the soft breeze.

In the distance, a large holoscreen flashes through newsheadlines. I let out a cackle as a holo of Luke and I comes on thescreen. "Oh Force…they've already got holos from the wedding!What in the galaxy did I get myself into?"

"I ask myself the same thing every day."I slap him hard on the stomach. "Nice. Come on, we should get

back inside.""Wait," he stops me, holding on to my arm.I give him a curious look. "What, do you have another

lightsaber to give me or something?""Not quite," he grins."Huh?" He pulls a green stone from inside his jacket in

response. I glance at it, my eyes narrowing. "What's this?"He runs his fingers over my engagement ring. "I wanted to give

you something on our wedding day," he explains. "The stone inyour ring came from this crystal. I…I thought you should have it."

I stare at it, still transfixed. I don't need this; I already have alightsaber—the one that Luke gave me, here, several years ago."But…why?" I sputter.

"Because you deserve to make your own," he replies. "You'veearned it. You should have done so as soon as you became aJedi Knight."

For a moment I stand completely still, almost unable to breathe.I open my mouth to protest again, but I close it before I can speak.Hesitantly, I accept his gift, closing my hand over his. I stare at thecrystal for a second, realizing what this means.

"You know, I never thanked you," I murmur, still mesmerized bythe crystal. "For never giving up on me," I continue, answering hisunspoken question.

"Yes," he runs his finger over my ring again, "you did." Then helifts up my chin and places his lips on mine.

After a few moments, he pulls away and smiles at meconspiratorially. "Now we should get back inside. Everyoneprobably thinks we've run off to some cleaning closet orsomething."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "Don't give me any ideas, Master.""That's for later," he laughs, running his fingers down my neck

suggestively. He pushes back a stray lock of hair and turns to goback inside the Palace, but I remain in place.

"You coming?" he asks.I shake my head and lean on the edge of the roof. "You head

inside. I'll be there in a bit."He nods and kisses my forehead. "Don't keep me waiting too

long."

As he walks away, I glance back down at the object in my hand—my very own lightsaber crystal. While I have been a Jedi Knightfor over a year now, I never once felt the desire to go through thetrial of constructing a new lightsaber. Sometimes, in the dead ofnight with nothing but my thoughts for company, I wondered if myhesitance to do so was one last vestige of my old feelings that Ididn't deserve to be a Jedi. Since I never went through that lasttrial, I never had to confront those old fears and doubts, and see ifthey still existed. But now, staring at the crystal in my hands, Irealize that those fears and doubts are indeed long gone,conquered forever in a cavern on Nirauan.

So I will do it. I will construct a new lightsaber, and truly live upto the promise I made when Luke gave me his first weapon, and Iswore to both him and myself that I would one day become a Jedi.It is only fitting, for I am now his wife—a promise I never thought Iwould ever want to make, or would ever feel deserving to make, ifLuke was finally able to conquer his fears and ask me to be withhim forever.

I smile as I think back on his words to me: Don't keep mewaiting too long. Even when I did, he never gave up on me. Healways had hope. He always does.

Behind me, I hear the door to the Palace open once again."Hang on a minute," I call after him. Luke turns around and smilesat me—a smile that holds all the promises of hope for our future.

I take a deep breath."I'll come with you."...FIN

FIN...

Well, that's it, folks—happily ever after! :)I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read

and comment on this fic. If you've enjoyed it, I'd love to hear fromyou!

It has been an absolute pleasure to write this fic. TheLuke/Mara relationship holds a very special place in my heartand I hope that I have done it justice. I also hope that I havedone justice to the wonderful, amazing character of Mara Jade,without whom I would not be a Star Wars fan today.

Thanks again for reading, and may the Force be with you,always!