1

Written by Gene Fogerty and Darlene Long

Special dedication to a guy who was awesome with his affects and knew how to play a prank, Lance Pope.

Rest In Peace.

Ever wonder what goes on in those haunted attractions, y’know, the ones where people who are afraid of the ghosties and goblins PAY to have these things come and jump out at them, uh, the things that they are afraid are under the bed, but the more they see

2

them, in a big place where there are BUNCHES of them, the more they pay, the louder they scream, then the more they pay for more screaming…………….

I love Midnight Syndicate music. I luv it luv it. You would never find it on the shelf in the music store, not because most people would not like it (well they really wouldn’t love it) but because it would give kids nightmares…..hehehehehe!

Well that is kind of the idea, but at the same time it invokes the feelings of fog surrounding empty old mansions and graveyards with shadows darting among the stones. That was the image I got as I worked in a haunted attraction, where I was refurbishing a 1960’s casket I got from some wonderful people in Denver Colorado who had the good fortune of buying a home that had once been a church and then a funeral home. Some people have all the luck.

The cheapo interior of the snooze box is intended for a nice show, then to be buried, and as a result it does not hold up well with nearly two thousand butts of various sizes (I mean small, medium large, and colossal) in it, so it became necessary to fix this steel monstrosity so a multitude of happy folks could park their carcasses in it with big smiles on

3

their faces and take pictures when 364 days of the year normally they would not be in the same room with one (the term “caught dead” really doesn’t apply). I have to say, I am amazed at how well built the Batesville casket is made. Yeah, Batesville, a nice promo for your caskets because there were times I thought “no way, no way are we going to get this picture without serious human spillage.”

The thing of it is that for some years I had the idea of taking pictures in some cool haunted attractions, and the casket was the centerpiece of it all. It was a good idea.

It began when I was driving a semi past an antique hearse (oooooh I wish I had that hearse now, oooooooh!) and the idea of a “morbid mobile” hit me as funny…..till I realized I was on to something.

I don’t remember how much they wanted for that car but if I had it to do again, I would sacrifice something impo’tant for that car.

The idea came up at dinner, to which I heard those words “we aren’t having a hearse around here.” Then the family began thinking and for the fun of it I did some research and found that a guy in another city had another hearsie for sale. For snorts and giggles we went and checked it out.

4

The hearsemobile was a white one, with velvet interior. We took it for a test drive and ahhh what a ride it was. Dead people get the good stuff and they can’t even enjoy it. We bought it.

The original idea was to give people rides in it, but when I looked into the legalities, that idea became….dead in the water. Then there was an attractive brunette from the first house we worked at named Becky who suggested pictures in the hearse instead and this idea morphed into pictures with a casket.

I found one on E Bay (doesn’t everybody?) and had it shipped down from Denver…well actually, there was a bit more to it than that.

As Hollerween came close, I was having dinner with the family in a small oriental place in town and my mechanic at the time mentioned that a local kid had a sixty six hearse for sale down the road.

Dude! A 66?? Of course I went to check it out. I remember seeing it the first time, and was blown away. It had an arched roof, suicide doors, a working sliding table in the back that came out the rear and both sides to get the casket out, and that awesome Cadillac front end. Wow! We were excited anyhow, but when the guy who owned it came along, he said “Oh, you’re the guy with the white 81. Well I go to work in this thing and that’s

5

a problem when you are a volunteer fire fighter and you pull up to the scene of a fire in an old hearse…so I’ll trade you car for car for yours.” I agreed before he could change his mind.

This sixty six hearse has a 429 Superior in it, and when I got in it, it hit 80 without any effort. I was very happy with that trade and had a lot of fun with that baby. We are still happily married.

The 66 is significant in many ways. When I got the e bay guy to sell me the Batesville Special, I realized that going into the airport was going to be a nightmare. Instead I decided to take a vehicle I could see out of all the way around to get through that traffic…a hardware store delivery truck.

I procured said truck and drove to the air port. The receiving clerk was for whatever reason under the impression that my snooze box….had a person in it. I still recall how everyone in that warehouse area stopped their work on the other packages to help get my casket, which came in a cardboard box, into my truck. Being the nice, compassionate person I am I had brought my youngest daughter who did nothing to discourage these people from thinking they had shipped Grandma to their warehouse, but actually enjoyed it as much as I did and helped me strip the box off the casket in the parking lot so we could enjoy going down the

6

highway with the name of the hardware store in blazing glory and a casket in full view in the rear. I will leave out the name of the store because they would probably never rent to me again.

I enjoyed off loading the casket out of the truck and into my hearse in the parking lot and chugging home with it.

I had never done anything for the fall season before. I was raised in a very restrictive environment where most anything fun was considered subversive, so the day we decided to have fall parties each year was novel. It was also the best family fun I recall having. The first year we did it my youngest was still very small, and her sister was still learning to talk well. We went to our first haunted attraction and spent the night there. Mum was dressed in a nice blue dress with frills and lace, I had a civil war outfit…but it was our youngest daughter who had the most memorable outfit, which I still have. It was an orange bug costume complete with a tail. She walked around through the night with that tail dangling and swinging and people took pictures by the ton. By the time we were ready to go home, the kids were falling over from being tired.

7

This year we had a small cartridge camera and I worked at making gravestones and building a setup, including an archway to go into the set with. Oh yeah, then there was Hagatha. I was shopping in Spencers when we met. Hagatha is really half the woman most women are, but she enjoys hanging around bringing business. She smiled at me with those long fangs and I knew we had to start hanging out together. She did have some issues with her body, so I got a plastic body and gave her an upgrade. Hagatha dangled from the archway with her shroud caressing the people who came for the pictures.

We had it all, lights, camera and a fog machine. Most of the time that is. We also had a dinosaur who dropped in…literally. The attraction we worked at had put us on an electric circuit that we had to share with a two story green inflate-saur. He had a head the size of a pickup truck that towered over people and his innards were an inflatable tunnel through which people paid to crawl. They got their money’s worth considering they came to be scared.

Well you see, this inflata saur shared the same circuit as my fog machine and anyone who knows how these bounce houses work knows where this is going.

8

I still recall the first time it happened. A mother came in that night with a little girl I think it was, and she pointed up at the big toothy smile of the inflate saur and smiled. About fifteen kids were going through the tunnel at that moment and it had to be that precise moment that my fogger kicked on, overloaded the circuit, and you guessed it, the little girl looked up to see the dinosaur suddenly come down and envelope her and her mother in it’s mouth. In this day and age you can warn kids about most anything, not to talk to strangers or whatever I’m pretty sure warning them about being eaten by a dinosaur is not mentioned.

The belly of the critter began to deflate on the hapless people inside and without me being aware of this, I went over and played with my fogger and got the power back on, reenflated the dino gut, and mother emerged with her child, whom I suspect it is a safe bet stays away from dinosaur exhibits to this day.

On another night, business was jamming, and as I recall it was close to Holler-ween night. The lines were packed and my young-uns wanted to go through the houses. Now of course they got to go through them plenty and they enjoyed taking their friends along for the ride. But this particular night it was a no go because the lines were packed so tight

9

that if you wanted to breath you borrowed your friend’s air.

I was taking photos as a loud swishing sound filled the air and down the road cam a car, sparks flying and smoke pouring. It hissed around the corner and down the road behind the establishment. I heard a boom and saw a small funnel cloud fill the sky. I don’t believe the second coming could have emptied the lines faster. There was a stampede of humanity as every customer in the place went past in a tidal wave of faces, around the corner and down the road to catch the excitement. My kids stood there for a moment and I said “Quick, get in line!”

They were well into the place by the time the rest of the rubber necks came back in. It would seem that a local punk had decided to steal a car and he must have had my kind of luck because of all the cars he could have stolen, he got one with a stuck brake shoe. As he drove it caught fire, and when he got around the corner he jumped out and let the car pile into a fence where it blew up. He got burned, in more ways than one and cooled his heels in jail.

We initially worked in Dallas, but we also went to Terrell, which was a great ride also. Two new people came on the roster, a big chug of a guy

10

from my day job and Ginnae who was by far the most interesting.

When we got a spot at a house down the road from where we lived, we got a small barn structure which I wanted to maximize. The casket was put in the front and surrounded by monsters. The crew taught a few good tricks at that time about how to make good monsters so with some skeletons and a bunch of materials and destruction of the carpet I created some dead guys. The guy from work, Farron, was helpful in setting the place up and he helped with a lot of work. He also made a nice bit of cash from the endeavors.

He was also helpful in creating Ginnae.

We had been taking pictures for a few nights but some nights were an utter bomb. Nothing happened. One evening we were shopping and of course, like any big kid, I went to the costumes and looked around. Farron went and he looked at some dresses. “You could fit in this one.” He told me, and showed me a really nice velvet one. I went to the dressing room and put it on, and while Farron got a laugh out of it, he dared me to wear it that night. I thought it would be funny so I decided to do it, but I wanted to do the whole deal. I covered my face with a full mask and a long wig (I loved that wig, long and curly with highlights) put on

11

heels and nylons, and Farron got red in the face with amusement, as did the security guy at the house. I trotted along and promoted sales, and not only did sales increase but the crowd paid extra for Ginnae to pose with them in the pictures. One of the women from my job commented “It’s sad. You have much nicer legs than I do and you can make money with them.”

I must admit that when everyone I approached as an unofficial drag queen came over for pictures it was fun. I enjoyed it much and kept my yap shut, as one word from me would have gotten me pounded to jelly by one or two of the men there. Of course then there was the slew of teen and twenty year old boys who took a shine to the pretty Goth girl….wannabe. The bad part was the bunches of lonely little old men who asked me what time I got off work and did I want a drink. I will never forget the one little sixty something who had tweaked one too many and came up and wanted to check me out. “My God” She said, “You got the most perfect set of round tata’s I ever laid eyes on.” Well what can I say? A nerf ball is still pretty round even when you cut it in half.

I probably was at fault, considering that I put on perfume and since I could not smell it all that well I was wearing enough to kill flies in flight. She wanted to buy props and pictures, and me. She

12

hung around for a bit, amusing everyone and I think that policeman got the best laughs of his career at my efforts.

At one point I was given a nice tip for a picture and I had to think fast so I tossed it in my bra as women do…big mistake. Your average woman comes with her nerf boobs attached, so I realized I did not want to drop my twenty on the ground. I turned around and rammed a hand down into my bra to fish it out, and…you guessed it, the fish swam away. I did some grabbing and one of my friends said “You gotta quit that, you’re drawing a crowd.” Sure enough, the sight of a vampiress shoving her hand down her bra was getting more attention than the ticket guy. I managed to get my tip then and reconstruct my lovely self. I realized that a bit of leg helps loosen the wallets, so I sliced my dress up to about mid thigh then stood with one foot on the tire of the hearse offering a nice view. The first night I made $200 in tips. Not bad for a half breed.

I remained in drag that season, which helped business and I sustained no injuries.

The fall season was such fun time. We were the best as a family then, bringing friends along, wearing eye lenses, riding in the hearses. One year we had a teenage girl who wanted to ride in

13

the casket that was kept in the back of the sixty six hearse. My youngest came along as we drove down the road, then they decided to swap out. We stopped in a neighborhood and I opened the back door. The sight of a black antique hearse was enough to make a few people pause, but the sight of the back door opening, the casket being removed and a teenage girl getting out and another getting in was enough to leave them posing for statues.

One local fellow was not too fond of me, and attempted to warn me to stay out of his neighborhood. That warning failed, but anyone who owns a hearse and has a big sense of humor will draw some flack.

Farron had a girlfriend at that time and we decided one night to have some fun when it was not near October. His girlfriend put on a dress and stretched out in the casket with the lid propped open and we drove down town. We stopped for dinner at a drive through window, and whilst I did not actively plan for her to put a hand through the divider window as she reached for a burger and cause the attendant to throw food in a sudden panic, it did not dim my amusement.

The manager of the fuel station we went to to get gas in the hearse was impressed with the makeup

14

done to the lifelike girl in the casket, and I never saw a woman jump like that when the girl turned to her and smiled.

Okay, it was naughty, but to my knowledge we did not break any laws…….?

I have to admit I find people amusing. Like the guy who was SURE I was dealing in human body parts because of the skulls I was selling. They were bought from a high quality distributor and doctored with a grinding brush, stain, and from time to time, bullets. He was adamant that I had been jailed for selling human skulls and was doing it again. The cop he reported it to got a chuckle out of it too.

I had a pvc dog skeleton decorated with the traditional leather like skin and some fur and my favorite thin to tell people who asked if it was a real dog was that I had pulled it from under the house after a flood.

Then there were the other great questions:

“Is that a real hearse?” No. You can get them from Prophearses forcheapohaunts.com for about a hundred dollars. They come with a working engine, room for a casket and the look of whatever year you want. All haunted attractions get them

15

there. Why waste money buying a real hearse and sticking it in your haunt?

“Is that a real casket?” No. A subsidiary of those named above is

Reallookingsteelcaskets.com and they sell ones so identical to the real thing you could bury someone in them. Those go for about twenty five dollars.

“Has anyone been buried in that casket?” YESSSS!!!! I went to a graveyard one night for the real deal since I see no reason to make one out of wood and I dug up twenty two graves to find one that was not too rusted and dump out the old lady in it so I could take the stinky thing home, brush out the worms and have you sit in it for a five dollar photo! Just imagine my disappointment at finding caskets on e bay after all that work!

“Are you a cult worshipper?” Of course! Isn’t every nut who works in a haunted attraction a cult worshipper? Hail Jupiter!

“Has that hearse had actual dead people in it?” No. They bought it and set it aside for years, then sold it to me.

“Aren’t you afraid of ghosts?” Sure. As I drive down the road I hear great aunt Edna yelling at some old man in the back and flying around outside. Everyone knows that at the moment of

16

death a human being becomes evil and ghosties will bite your nose if they get close.

“That casket will jinx us if we sit in it.” Uh, it’s a piece of stamped, rolled steel. It has no power. But I bet if I had waved my hand and said “oonadombadibbie oobiedoobie” they would have believed that every bad thing that happened to them after that was my fault.

“That’s so morbid.” No. Death is a fact, it is the end of the life cycle and nothing more. We all die. To not live while you are here is stupid.

“Are you a Goth?” Yes. I love Goth. Victorian Goth embraces the beauty of times past, top hats, clothing, ball gowns, fancy jackets. Goths are not about religion, we are Christians, atheists, and everything in between. We are not about eating babies, we are about art, spooky atmospheres and having fun. We are not all about depression and pain, we like loud music and having fun. We don’t all cut ourselves. Some Goth kids go through a phase and leave it at about twenty something, others of us get a thrill out of the empty towering old house in the trees till we die.

I was refurbing my casket and listened to Born of The Night and realized how refreshing the music was. I have a stack of their albums now. All well worn.

17

These are a few of the memorable stories from my time with my family at the haunts. It was family time, it was fun, so very fun, and I recall it with tears because it was just people being a family and having a great time.

I would relive those days any time, but like life, once gone, they are gone forever. Life must be lived while it is here because when it is gone there is a real grave stone, and darkness. I still have my hearse and my casket, they are filled with memories and fun things that happened. One man proposed to his girlfriend during a picture and she accepted. I gave him his pictures for free. Yeah, she was sitting in the casket. Doesn’t that happen every day?

I also still have a cute little bug costume with a dangling tail and a little outfit worn by my oldest.

The manager of screams said “people come here because they know it’s safe to be scared. The big scary monster is there to scare them, not hurt them and they love to be scared. If Jesus Christ comes here, scare him, that’s what he is here for.”

I’m thinking I’d give him his pictures for free, but I’m not sure about having Ginnae there….

18