ISSUE #7 - JANUARY 2011

Sunset Valley celebrates the arrival of a new year

The not so well-attended fireworks show on Sunset Valley plaza.

When the town clock struck twelve, Sunset Valley burst into fire. A new year has arrived, accompanied by resolu-tions, nostalgia and a lot of fireworks!

SUNSET VALLEY – There seems to be a record in the amount of resolutions that have been made for this new year, according to an inquiry that has been hold last month. Making resolutions has spe-cifically becoming ‘hot’ under teenagers. ‘This year, I’m gon-na change everything,’ Mike Rodríguez says. ‘I’m finally gonna grow some muscles.

Girls are gonna loooove me.’ Others are planning to become more generous and help the poor. Brittany Stewart says: ‘I mean, like, poor people are so… poor! I wanna help ‘em! I’m going to eat less and send the food I’ll leave over to the starvelings. And it’s also good for me. I’ll become, like, re-ally thin! Guys are gonna loooove me!’

The Sunset Valley government decided this year to put up a fireworks show in the centre of the village for everyone to enjoy. It did not receive many visitors. ‘I’m not going to one of those central fireworks shows,’ inhabitant and all-time Christmas hater Ted Thomp-son says. ‘They’re just the opposite of exciting. Danger-ous fireworks are never used, and it’s display fireworks only. Letting off the fireworks your-self and feeling the danger is half of the fun! Maybe even

three quarters of it. No, it’s all the fun!’

Fireworks sellers have seen their profits multiply. Many Sims decided to let off their own fireworks this year, in the ‘safety’ of their own streets. They say that in that way they can completely decide what kinds of fireworks they want to use. Most of these rebel-lious Sims like firecrackers, preferably those with extreme-ly loud noises. ‘Long ago, fire-works were invented to drive out evil spirits. Well, let’s use them that way! Make noise, scare them off! Rrrraaah!’The use of dangerous fire-works and the trend of letting them off in small streets have led to many incidents this turn of the year. There were 35% more accidents than last year. The citizens do not seem to mind, but the police do. ‘It definitely won’t be like this next year!’

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Sinkhole Causes Panic

Mixology Contest Heats Up

Simnation: § 2.00

CONTENTSOpinions..............................................p2Community Voice.................................p3Weather...............................................p4Sudoku................................................p4Sports results......................................p4

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Book release sets record salesThe release of a book never really is a big deal, except for the Barry Hotter series. A new re-lease is always a guaran-tee for bookstores to be cramped... with people that is (not with books, they’ll fly of the shelves).

When we went to the Narnes and Boble bookstore last week, to see what the release of the latest Barry Hotter novel did, we were pretty surprised. Normally the streets are dull and gray, but now they were colorful. It seemed as if some-one had spilled lots of cans of paint, but upon closer inspec-

tion, it turned out that it were literally thousands of people, all lined up to buy the latest book (at least we assumed, as we spoke several people that had no idea why they were there, they just joined the line).

Barry Hotter is a phenom-enon and author PP Bows-ing is surprised by that. She never thought that a simple series about a young wizard boy would have such lasting impact. Movie adaptations, video games, merchandize and even children are named after Barry.B. Ook, director at Narnes and Boble, told us it was the most

hectic book release ever. “We never had a book release like this. And I have witnessed some big releases. Like the new fall catalogue of Vicky’s Lost Secret, or the TV Guide with Crad Sitt on the cover. But none of them could match a new Barry Hotter release.”

Bowsing is already writing her next novel. “Well I hope it’s going to do just as good. Or even better. No, just as good is fine. But definitely not worse!”

OPINIONSGot any new year’s resolutions?

What does our panel think of this argument?

Singing fish arrestedLast week, a fish lying on the sands of Old Pier Beach has been arrested. It had already been annoying the Sims at the beach for a while, sing-ing various songs, when one lady got sick of it and called the police. “When I got the phone call, I finished only four of my five sandwiches and went to the crime scene im-mediately!” said a police of-ficer, whose name we did not quite catch as he was eating a sandwich during the interview too. “The fish wouldn’t stop singing,” he continued, “not even when I started jump-ing on it, so I had to arrest him. Strangely, the fish didn’t seem to mind at all. He just stared with those glazy eyes.”

Investigators have found a MP3 player in the stomach of the fish, but they are still try-ing to figure out if that has an-ything to do with the incident.

Snowman wants to retire and caus-es uproarFrosty the snowman is done with his painful and extremely cold job. ´´How would you feel? Standing outside, in the freezing cold and being de-molished by annoying chil-dren again and again? I’ve had it. I’m going to retire and I want to make a cruise to the Bahamas, so I can enjoy the rest of my life’’, a very angry and tired Frosty told us yester-day.Parents are upset: ‘’He cannot do this! He ruins everything for our lovely children!’’

Frosty doesn’t seem to be bothered and has booked his all-inclusive cruise to the Bahamas, together with his snowwife and snowdog. ‘’Goodbye. You can make a snowcarrot from now on.’’

The lines at the book store are already gone; people are reading Barry Hotter at home!

BobHomeless

James Adley IIISr. Cricket player

Darian Stoker?

Resolutions? Well how about finding a job and a house. And some change to start a bank account. Oh and how about world domination?

Well sir, I plan to beat my opponents even more with Cricket and then laugh in their face and tell everyone how silly they are.

I spend my new year in the night. The only thing I plan to do is consume even more... hu-man fluids. Now happy new year, yadda yadda... Beat it punk!

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COMMUNITY VOICEHello guys… Well, this is the first time I write to the local paper. My wife Elly asked me to do it. I don’t re-ally know what she expects me to say here… It was some-thing about resolu-tions I think. About new year. And me losing weight? Uggh.She obviously thinks I’ve become too fat. I don’t see why it’s a problem. I love sitting on the couch all day! I don’t think me being fat interferes with my favour-ite activity in a bad way. Why should I get up and move if I’m completely satisfied with what I’m doing right now? Getting out of the house is dangerous for me anyway. Last time I tried I almost got stuck again.

Hmm, I think I remember what she asked me. I promised her I would lose weight this year.

I think I made that promise like seven months ago or so. I probably just hoped she would forget about it. Of course she didn’t!Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I want her to be proud of me! But this task

is just too huge, even for an enormous guy like me!Ah, now I know why I had to write a letter to the paper. It was to make sure I couldn’t take back my promise any-more when it was printed in the times. Wow, I’ve got a re-ally smart wife!

By Richard Jones

Fireworks Frenzy in BridgeportBRIDGEPORT - Last night most certainly saw the catas-trophe of the year. With New Year celebrations gripping the town, nobody suspected that it could all go terribly wrong. For those of you who weren’t at the town celebra-tions last night, it was brought to an abrupt end at about 00:02am after the fireworks display went haywire. “The darn things were positioned upside down!” says organizer Edmund Yankish. “They went

straight into the ground and exploded.”

Nobody was seriously injured, but there were many with singed clothing. It certainly was not a good way to begin the new year, and townsfolk are furious about the accident. The park has been closed un-til further notice while au-thorities clean it up. Well, one thing’s for sure, it certainly did start the year off with a bang!

New Year’s resolution en-dangers Sunset Valley

‘Innocent’ idea on New Year’s Day gets out of hand

It is one of the most normal things in the world: making resolutions at the start of a new year. But like every nor-mal thing, it can be changed into something radical easily.Marty Keaton, one of the most athletic Sims in town, felt like that the new year needed to bring a new challenge. But not giving up smoking, losing a few pounds, being a better husband or anything like that. Keaton wanted to run down one of Sunset Valley’s hills on a big boulder with a diameter of five metres.

So, as soon he was done with wishing everyone a happy new year, he got the previously

bought (no one knows where) giant boulder out of his secret giant basement and used his car to get it on top of a hill. It is said that he has been helped by friends to get it there and to get on top of the boulder, but nobody is willing to admit to being involved.

The moment Marty Keaton took the first step on the boul-der, it started rolling down the hill, with Marty, running like a maniac, on it. Since Marty has a small brain to compensate his big muscles, he forgot to think about the consequenc-es of his crazy deed. First of all, he was getting tired re-ally fast, and second of all, he was heading right for the city, while everyone was still out on the streets for holiday celebrations. Luckily, Justine,

Marty Keaton trying to find a suitable boulder for his outrageous action

Marty’s wife, knew of the plan and called the police. All the citizens got back in on time, so Marty could roll freely down the road, to eventually roll over the beach and into the sea.

The police are very happy to report that no one got hurt, except for Marty, who is still lying in the hospital due to hypothermia and extreme ex-haustion.

Authorities dealing with the mess after the accident

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SPORTS RESULTS

Yet another year of sporting failures for the Llamas! Last week saw the final match of the year against top rivals The Vamps. We lost 19-5, much to the disappointment of the 50 fans in the stadium.

Although the opposing team was suspiciously fast, and one of their players bit one of ours, the referee seemed oblivious to any foul-play and proceed-ed to award points at random to the opposition throughout the match.

Win statistics for the Llamas was 28% for 2010.

We can only hope that this year that number’ll improve or The Llamas will loose the sup-port of their fans & sponsors!

COLOPHONSunset Valley Times was created by:

BrandonDaan Dogna JolijnJordy

JVtjeSuzan Wouter

CLASSIFIEDSLost: I have lost my resolu-tions. I’ve started a few, but I don’t know where I’ve left them. Do you have any idea? Please send them back to me.

Wanted: Snow. I live in a very warm country and we have no snow. Ever. So send some buckets over to me. Contact me for details on 555-0102

Lost: My appetite. I’ve eaten so much this Christmas that I’m completelly stuffed for the next few holidays. So if

you want some of my appetite, please call me at 555-2312

Help wanted: I want to light fireworks on new year’s eve, but my mom and dad won’t let me. Does anyone have any good ideas to convince them? Mail me at dude88@sunset-mail.sv

For free: Inlaws. Heav-ily used, nag a lot, ugly, not friendly, not safe with chil-dren, eat too much, snore. In-terested? Call me 555-3455

Offered: Snow. I can’t stand the stuff. Some of it is melted, but most is in pristine condi-tion. Does require special shipping. Any offer will do.

Lost: My money. I’ve had lots of it yesterday, but then I went to buy some fireworks and suddenly my bank ac-count was empty. Does any-one know where it has gone, or maybe has some money left over? Please let me know!