Founded in 1949 The Newspaper of Imperial College Union

RAPE IN SOUTHSIDE! This could be next week's headline

Riff-raff at STOIC

Richard O'Brien who wrote the music, screenplay and starred

in The Rocky Horror Picture Show and the recently released

Shock Treatment was interviewed by STOIC in the College

TV Studio on Wednesday, January 13.

In Shock Treatment, Richard plays the evil Cosmo

McKinley (pictured above). For full review see back page.

The interview will be broadcast by STOIC on Tuesday at

1:00pm and 6:00pm.

The security of the Southside Halls of Residence has still not

been adequately improved following the rape which occurred

there over one and a half years ago and numerous thefts. A

new system of electronic locks has not yet been installed,

despite indications from the Estates section that they would

do so over the Christmas vacation.

F o l l o w i n g a rape in the basement of Southside i n M a y 1980 it was

decided that access to the halls was too easy a n d that a new system of

locks should be instal led. T h e m a i n prob lem was l ire doors w o u l d have

to be locked, so a n electronic system was necessary w i t h locks l i n k ed to

the fire a l a r m system w h i c h w o u l d automat i ca l ly open if a fire broke out.

A system was suggested a n d a quotat ion obtained. T h i s proved " too

expensive" and was shelved when major s tructural changes were pro ­

posed to combat the same prob lem.

A less expensive system was investigated last year w h i c h , at a cost o f

a p p r o x i m a t e l y / ' 3 , 5 0 0 , w o u l d adequately d o t h e j o b . T h e C h i e f Securi ty

Off icer , M r Reeves, persuaded Estates that this system w o u l d be needed

if the s tructura l changes went ahead or not.

U n i o n P r e s s u r e

Last term the Union President. M r N i c k M o r t o n , a n d Wel fare

Off icer. M r N i c k Pyne , pressed Estates for a n instal lat ion date on

Student Residence C o m m i t t e e . T h e ind i cat i on was c learly given that

this w o u l d be done over the C h r i s t m a s vacat ion , but it was not.

M r D o n C l a r k e , Estates Secretary, to ld F E L I X that he d i d not know

w h y the system h a d not been installed. " M o s t o f m y people are out

t o d a y , " he said, " the ra i l strike, you k n o w . "

T h e reason for the delay is sti l l not clear at the t ime of go ing to press.

Q E C Merger

Off!

The proposed merger between Imperial College and Queen

Elizabeth College has been shelved for the time being.

A t the end of last term the draft proposal horn L o r d Flowers a n d D r

Barnes (Pr inc ipa l of Q E C ) was amended by I C ' s B o a r d ol Studies. T h i s

amended draft proposal was submitted to the G o v e r n i n g Body a n d

passed. A l t e r such changes it was not surpr is ing that the new proposals

proved unacceptable to the A c a d e m i c Board and Col lege C o u n c i l of

Q E C .

T h e Rector , L o r d Flowers, told F E L I X that as far as h e was

concerned " t h e door is sti l l o p e n " a n d that negotiations cou ld st i l l

continue. It seems, however, that it is up to Q E C to re-approach I C .

N o . 6 0 2 F r i d a y J a n u a r y 22,1982 F r e e !

Dear Sir

A n d r e w L y a l l ' s reply to my

l e t t e r was the p r e d i c t a b l e

outburst of feigned hurt that I

expected. H i s allegations are

nothing short of slanderous

and are no doubt the release

f o r t h e e m o t i o n a l s t r a i n

imposed upon one who has

l ived in a b u i l d i n g that is

col lapsing around his ears for

five years.

Not surprisingly he makes

us s c a p e g o a t s f o r the i n ­

competence of Weeks H a l l

residents and lays the ills of

the w o r l d at the doors o f

G a r d e n H a l l . H e complained

that my letter was not based

on facts and then proceeds to

make w i l d and unsubstantial

allegations himself.

It is more than likely that a

W e e k s H a l l r e s i d e n t p u t

w a s h i n g p o w d e r i n t o t h e

d r y i n g machine. Th is would

in turn explain M r A l l L y ' s

observation that d a m p wash­

ing was removed from the

drier , as the average Weeks

H a l l r e s i d e n t c a n n o t d i s ­

tinguish between the washing

m a c h i n e a n d the d r i e r he

p r o b a b l y saw the c l o t h e s

b e i n g r e m o v e d f r o m t h e

washing machine and mistook

it for the drier!

Indeed I myself can cite one

occasion on w h i c h I removed

a c o m b a t j a c k e t f r o m the

drier and burnt my fingers on

it because it had been left in

for far too long!

T h e state of G a r d e n H a l l ' s

l aundry is not the fault of the

present residents and indeed

it could not possibly be as

it has been out of action since

the summer. T h e damage was

caused by tenants to whom

the rooms were let over the

summer. Besides breaking the

w a s h i n g m a c h i n e a n d the

dr ier they also stole the iron

for good measure.

A n d r e w L y a l l has the nerve

to suggest that we apologise

for damage caused by Weeks

hal l residents. I suggest that

he apologise to the residents of

G a r d e n H a l l for the damage

he has i n f l i c t e d u p o n o u r

characters by depict ing us as

noth ing more than vandals

and cr iminals .

J ours oppressed

D u n c a n R e i d

S i r

I read in F E L I X 601 M r

Twadowski ' s letter informing

your readers of my somewhat

unsocial work ing hours and

remcmlier well the incident to

which he refers.

O f course I appreciate that

a bicycle is the most economi­

cal way to travel at 5:00am,

and also that M r Twadowsk i

h a d to u n l o c k his b i c y c l e

before pedal l ing it off into the

night, but w i th a hacksaw?

Tour ohedienl servant

Barney M c C a b e

Dear Sir

* Please could you include

the fo l lowing letter which is

a d d r e s s e d t o a l l t u t o r s .

Students wi th tutors who do

n o t r e g u l a r l y r e a d y o u r

c o l u m n s c o u l d d r a w t h e i r

attention to it:

To all tutors.

Every pound prollt that the

I C Bookshop makes goes to

the students union an d there­

by eases the demands on the

College's finances.

F o r e x a m p l e , a l e c t u r e r

who recommends an under­

graduate year to buy an ' A '

c a t e g o r y t e x t b o o k p r i c e d

,£7.50 in the Bookshop sup­

ports the Col lege w i th around

£ 0 0 -

I n these d a y s o f s evere

f i n a n c i a l d i f f i c u l t i e s it is

therelbre of v i ta l importance

•that everyone who w i l l be

g iv ing a lecture course d u r i n g

the academic year gives the

B o o k s h o p t h e c h a n c e to

supply the " r e c o m m e n d e d "

textbooks.

T o enable us to do this, it is

of the utmost importance that

we know what books you wi l l

be recommending before the

course starts, not as is happen­

ing now, tel l ing us after the

course has started. Th is is not

fair to your students or to the

Bookshop. W e try very hard

to stock a l l r e c o m m e n d e d

books, but we can only do it

wi th your help.

R o y Hicks

Bookshop M an ager

Dear Mark

I would like to draw a small

matter to the attention of the

student populace of I C . So

here goes

D i d y o u k n o w that the

U n i o n has been a l l o c a t e d

approx £150 to buy fiction

works and magazines for the

H a l d a n e L i b r a r v ? I repeat,

^750 of Y O U R M O N E Y to

buy books for Y O U R plea­

sure and perusal. So, if you

w a n t t o r e a d t h e l a t e s t

i n t e r n a t i o n a l b e s t s e l l i n g

b l o c k b u s t e r o r s o m e t h i n g

more l iterary such as " M y

F r i e n d , M r L e a k e y " (Barney

M c C a b e ' s favourite) without

hav ing to shell out for it , then

this is what you do. E i ther fil l

i n a r e q u e s t f o r m i n the

H a l d a n e L i b r a r y or drop a

note into my pigeonhole. I

a w a i t y o u r r e q u e s t s w i t h

interest.

Tours hopefully

A l u n Griffiths

C h e m E n g 3

Dear Sir

I ' d l i k e to m a k e a few-

observations about last week's

'Soapbox ' article.

F r a n k l y , it seems to me that

F r a n k James is contradict ing

h i m s e l f . H e a c c u s e s t h e

Creationists of meglomania

(though for the life of me I

can't see why!) an d of i n ­

t o l e r a n c e o f d e v i a t i o n a n d

p lura l i sm of belief; and yet,

whi le he grants the right of

free belief to a l l , he strongly

ob jec ts to the C r e a t i o n i s t s

d a r i n g to state their unortho­

dox views.

A s to the absurdity of such

ideas: has it ever occurred to

h i m t o w o n d e r w h y t h e

b i b l i c a l o r d e r o f C r e a t i o n

(Genesis 1 vs 1-26) is exactly

t h e s a m e as t h e o r d e r o f

evolut ion of life that he holds

as true? R e m e m b e r i n g that

the H e b r e w for 'day ' may also

be translated 'age', and that

the Bib le was never written as

a science textbook, the s imi ­

larity is really quite remark­

able.

O f course, i f such views are

so absurd why suppress them,

since suppression w i l l only

strengthen them. W h y not

give the Creationists their say,

s i n c e s u r e l y n o - o n e w i l l

believe them.

A point worth noting is tha:

D a r w i n is p r o b a b l y not

revolving in his pine box. H e

was a C h r i s t i a n , a n d sa id

himself that he saw no reason

w h v h i s t h e o r i e s s h o u l d

disturb a Christ ian 's view­

point, and I agree with h im.

F r a n k J a m e s m a y l i k e to

choose to be an an imal ; but I

believe that G o d made me,

and that's really something to

be proud of.

} ours

L . M e r c e r

Dear Mark

A m a z i n g l y I h a v e j u s t

discovered an anagram for

N i c k M o r t o n that I a m sure

n o b o d y else has n o t i c e d :

Rector 's doormat.

As you can clearly see it is

only a round dozen letters

out.

Tours

M i c h e l l e Wr ight

C h e m E n g 2

Dear Sir

T h e Wisden- l ike recall of

great I C cricket events by

K e n Weale ( F E L I X , O c t 23

1981) should be extended in

the style of other noteworthy

s t a t i s t i c i a n s s u c h as B i l l

F r i n d a l l . Weale is correct in

stating that Dwarf , G n o m e

a n d S t u m p y C h i m p h a v e

scored centuries on the Devon

tour. But can he actually be

unaware that of these elfin

batsmen one, Gnome , per­

f o r m e d the feat t w i c e — i n

successive innings? Surely a

detai l of immense significance.

Shou ld any aspir ing centur­

ion believe that the necessary

prerequisite is to have ac­

quired a s imilar ly picturesque

appel lat ion, he wi l l be dis­

couraged to learn that in an

era even more lost in the mists

of t ime than that of D w a r f

and Gnome , the magic score

was a c h i e v e d by someone

wi th the lacklustre name of

B land . Wisden ' Weale w i l l

correct me if I a m wrong.

Continued on page 4

Page 2 FELIX, January 22, 1982

IC" U n i o n is shortly to make a

t e l e v i s i o n p r o g r a m m e for the

B B C 2 O p e n D o o r series. F o l l o w ­

ing an unexpected phone ca l l last

t e r m . U n i o n P r e s i d e n t N i c k

M o r i o n y e s t e r d a y m e t t h e

producer lo discuss the matter .

This ended a per iod ol silence on

the pari of A u n t i e Beeh; two

years have passed since the then

H o n Secretary Roger Stotesbury

submit ted the app l i ca t i on .

O p e n Door w i l l a l l ow students

here to make a p r o g r a m m e about

v i r tua l ly anyth ing . A f i lm crew

and studio facilities are to be

used, w i t h the B B C p a y i n g the

b i l l . S e e m i n g l y , n e i t h e r t h e

c o n t e n t n o r t h e s t y l e o f t h e

p r o g r a m m e have definitely been

decided yet.

O n l v six weeks between the

d a t e o f n o t i f i c a t i o n a n d t h e

ac tua l transmission is g iven by

O p e n Door. So I C should be

broadcast ing to the nat ion at

some time this term.

Media Evening

O n M o n d a y evening I C U n i o n

Publ i cat ions Board hosted the

Inst ever " M e d i a E v e n i n g " .

T h e event, held in the Col lege

T V Studios, inc luded displays by

F E L I X , I t : R a d i o , The Phoenix .

A l t e r n a t i v e P r o s p e c t u s a n d

S T O I C S M e m b e r s o f the Col lege

adminis trat ive stal l 'were invi ted ,

i n c l u d i n g L o r d a n d L a d y

Flowers. The intention was to

give these people a chance to

meet the students who work on

the College media .

Ii was generally felt that the

evening was a great success.

Lectures to cease?

There is a possibility that the

Tuesday luncht ime H u m a n i t i e s

l e c t u r e p r o g r a m m e w i l l be

suspended for the next session.

T h e H u m a n i t i e s C o m m i t t e e

has been asked by Col lege to

submit a p lan for a twenty per

cent reduct ion in expenditure

over a three year per iod . T h e

p lan includes suspension of the

Tuesday l u n c h t i me lectures a n d

a reduct ion in language classes.

However , I he plans have not

yet been implemented and may

be avo ided , if possible.

Nuclear War

Beginning at the END Last Tuesday lunchtime, a crowd of about 200 gathered to hear Professor Robert Neild, Prof of Economics, Cambridge University give the first of a series of lunchtime lectures under the title 'Nuclear War in Europe'.

P r o f N e i l d began by reca l l ing the recent rise o f interest in nuclear

d i sarmament due lo the non-rat i f i cat ion of S A L T 2 , the p lanned

i n s t a l l a t i o n o f C r u i s e missiles in E u r o p e , the Soviet i n v a s i o n o f

A fghan i s tan , a n d the election of President Reagan .

W h e n N A T O was or ig inal ly formed in 1949 there was a b ig

imba lance i n convent ional forces between the sti l l heavi ly a r m e d

Soviet U n i o n a n d the economical ly weak Western E u r o p e a n states, the

idea being that A m e r i c a n nuclear forces w o u l d compensate lor this

w i t h massive ' r e ta l ia t i on ' in the event o f Russ ian invasion o f Western

Eu r ope . Since then, the U n i t e d States has lost its nuclear dominance , '

a n d smaller, tact ical nuclear weapons have been deve loped—both

lac tors l e a d i n g to the possibi l ity that E u r o p e w o u l d be sacrif iced using

such devices rather than the U S m o u n t i n g 'massive reta l iat ion ' .

R u s s i a n t h r e a t

T h e r e are two v iews of the R u s s i a n threat , a c c o r d i n g to the

i r o l e ssor . O n e is the ' I s l a m i c ' v i e w p o i n t — t h a t the R u s s i a n s

cont inua l ly want to expand by invasion, a n d the other the ' r ipe fruit '

theory—that the Russians wait for capital ist collapse and revo lut ion to

b r i n g C o m m u n i s t governments to power, w h i c h c a n then be "helped"

by intervent ion . T h e ' r ipe fruit ' theory, he said, is the more accurate,

apart from the case of E . Europe , w h i c h was occupied d u r i n g W W 2

a n d is now a buffer zone against the West. In fact, the s i tuat ion is

rather reassuring in W . E u r o p e , since these countries are properous,

a n d there is l ittle chance of C o m m u n i s t revolut ion. But i n E . Europe ,

central p l a n n i n g a n d oppression has fai led, l eading P r o f N e i l d to

conc lude that the Soviet forces there are lor garrison purposes against

local revolt rather than for offensive ant i -Western reasons. T h e only

chance of the U S a n d the Soviet U n i o n c o m i n g to blows is over "Third

W o r l d i n v o l v e m e n t — b u t even this w o u l d tend to be at armslength.

C o m p a r i n g the policies of deterrence a n d defence, he saw deterrence as

be ing analogous to a r m i n g yourself w i t h a sword, to fr ighten your

opponent, and thus provok ing h i m to a r m himsel f Pure ly defensive

policies (as practised by S w i t z e r l a n d a n d Sweden, say) he saw as a

shield, without threat to anyone but an invader , and this not spark ing

an arms race.

Next Tuesday , F i e l d M a r s h a l l the L o r d C a r v e r , is lo talk on

" N u c l e a r Weapons in E u r o p e " as the next part of this series.

Reactor

fusion

with IC?

The t h i r d discussion document

p u b l i s h e d t h i s w e e k by the

U n i v e r s i t i e s C o m m i t t e e o n

A c a d e m i c O r g a n i s a t i o n other­

wise k n o w n as the S w i n n e r t o n -

D v e r C o m m h t e e recommends

that the Un ivers i ty of L o n d o n

R e a c t o r C e n t r e ( U L R C ) at

S i l w o o d P a r k s h o u l d b e c o m e

part of Imper ia l Col lege .

T h e committee , after l ook ing

at p o s s i b l e r a t i o n a l i z a t i o n o f

colleges i n its first two discussion

documents , has now e x a m i n e d

the c e n t r a l a c t i v i t i e s o f the

university . These inc lude U L R C .

the Senate Institutes, the centra l

l i b r ar y facilities, U L U a n d the

central a d m i n i s t r a t i o n , amongst

other things.

I n the case of t h e r e a c t o r

centre w h i c h is a lready managed

a n d m a i n l y used by IC:, the

suggestion is for IC1. to take over

the c e n t r e e n t i r e l y , r e c e i v i n g

e x t r a g r a n t to c o v e r r u n n i n g

costs. It is hoped that costs cou ld

be reduced by sel l ing services to

outside users. T h e current cost o f

,£220.000 per year cou ld , it is

suggested, be 50% covered by

such income.

P r a i s e f o r U L U

ICON stops production

Editorial Board decides

T h e E d i t o r i a l B o a r d o f I C O N ,

the Imper ia l Col lege Rev iew ,

have decided to suspend p u b l i c a ­

t i o n i n d e f i n i t e l y d u e to the

current f inancia l s i tuation.

In the last issue, w h i c h w i l l be

publ ished on F e b r u a r y 5, they

state that they no longer feel that

they are justified in asking for a

subsidy from Col lege funds a n d

that the decision was entirely

theirs. T h e y were not forced to

cease pu b l i c a t i o n by pressures

from Col lege , they state.

T h e l a s t i s s u e c o n t a i n s ,

amongst other things, reviews of

the A l f red L a m m e r pr int display

in the Consort G a l l e r y , the R C S

Centenary Concert g iven by I C

Orches t ra , the O p e r a t i c Society

p e r f o r m a n c e at S a i n t J a m e s '

C h u r c h , P i c c a d i l l y a n d the I C

C h o i r Chr i s tmas Concert .

T h e section on student fac i l i ­

t i e s is f u l l o f p r a i s e f o r the

U n i v e r s i t y o f L o n d o n U n i o n

( U L U ) . Af ter ment i on ing the

part p layed by U L U in repre­

senting students on the Senate, ii

examines the t r a d i n g activities.

T h e conc lus ion is " T h e U n i o n

b u i l d i n g seems to us one of the

most efficient a n d economical

institutions in the U n i v e r s i t y . "

T h u s no further cuts are recom­

mended for U L U .

The d o c u m e n t is a l so v e r y

c o m p l i m e n t a r y to I C , w h i l s t

j u s t i f y i n g t h e d i r e c t U G C

funding , w h i c h the Col lege alone

in the U n i v e r s i t y enjoys. " F o r a

generation it has been nat ional

p o l i c y to b u i l d u p I m p e r i a l

Col lege to be one o f the foremost

s c i e n t i f i c a n d t e c h n o l o g i c a l

institutions in the w o r l d — t o be

Br i ta in ' s counterpart to M I T . "

A n d , i n the w o r d s o f L o r d

W i 1 b e r f o r c e, " T h e n a t i o n ,

h a v i n g w i l l e d the end , must w i l l

the means . "

C o p i e s o f t h e d i s c u s s i o n

d o c u m e n t a r e a v a i l a b l e f o r

i n s p e c t i o n i n the I C U n i o n

Office.

FELIX, January 22, 1982

Continued from page 2

VVcalc himself was already

the centrepiece of many IC

cr icket ing legends by the m i d -

1950s. Most o f these, however,

w e r e not q u a n t i f i a b l e i n

numerica l terms or, if they

w e r e , t h e n u m b e r s w e r e

g e n e r a l l y q u i t e l o w . T h e

qualitative aspects were rich

in humour and drama and I

trust that these have been

passed on from generation to

g e n e r a t i o n at p o s t - m a t c h

convivialities.

They were memorable days

indeed!

limn sincerely

( inome

C a p t a i n "55

Summit , N e w Jersev

' I S A

Dear Sir

I, J . J . Seymour Cole , being

o f s o u n d b o d y a n d m i n d ,

hereby, due to unforseen cir­

cumstances beyond my con­

trol , wish to inform you, which

is to promulgate the fact, that

m y i n t e n t i o n s , as set out

below, fo l lowing intense deli ­

beration, and many sleepless

nights, are:

D u e to unforseen c i r cum­

stances at the time of the un­

foreseen circumstances afore­

mentioned above (and al l that

c r a p ) , i n my o p i n i o n , the

higher echelons of the C & G

Executive have failed to m a i n ­

tain the active social image ol

Gu i lds U n i o n , especially with

respect to mascotry, which has

been reduced to a farcical level

with the introducion of v a r i ­

ous truces, etc., with al l res­

p o n s i b i l i t y b e i n g r e m o v e d

from the esteemed position

which I have been proud to

hold, and entrusted to others.

Consequently, I hereby sub­

mit my resignation lo the post

of C i t y and Gui lds U n i o n

Spanner Bearer.

} ours

J . J . Seymour Cole

Dear Sir

I feel that the U n i o n / C o l -

lege "us and t h e m " relation­

s h i p has n o w d e v e l o p e d

be tween the students a n d

M i c h a e l A r t h u r of the Stu ­

dents Services Office, who is

now a- College employee, as

opposed lo a U n i o n employee.

A r e we to assume from your

references to fairies in the last

two issues that you t h i n k

M i c h a e l A r t h u r is "one of

t h e m " .

} ours faithfully

M s V e r a Hallets

Dear Sir

Re the ignominious bunch

of cock-suckers and hand-job

merchants that we in C h e m 2

have had imposed upon us.

W e wish it to be known that

we totally dissociate ourselves

from the egotistical comments

and " in- jokes" which they

choose to impose upon the

readership of your learned

journal.

lours irately

D a n n y O ' H a r e , R . J o n e s ,

D a v e A r m s t r o n g , R u s s e l l

Smith (Chem 2)

Dear Sir

I think that the suggestion

in the last issue o l ' F E L I X that

an "acc ident " should happen

to c e r t a i n m e m b e r s o l

Chemistry 2 is a scandal and

an outrage.

It is obvious that you are

t o t a l l y i n e x p e r i e n c e d in

dealing with such people.

T a l k i n g as a man experienced

in such matters, I can assure

you that any actions should be

entirely deliberate.

J ours

H.Cie l l e

Small Ads

• L a d y F l o w e r s a n d the IC Wives C l u b invite y o u to a f ree B e e r a n d B a n g e r s in the Rec to r ' s P a d (170 Oueensga te ) o n T u e s d a y , J a n u a r y 26 f rom 5:30-7:00. Eve rybody w e l c o m e , names to J e n in U n i o n O f f i ce by 5:00pm T O D A Y . • J a g o : D o y o u know of S H Q . C S S R ? D o y o u want t hem. M a y 7. • D e a r Dwarf , S t u m p y a n d C h i m p Have rece ived letter G n o m e . W h o is B i l l F i n -de l l ? Letter reads (see page 2 a n d 4). E n c o u n t e r e d N o b b l y . I n t e r p r e t e r ? T h e n what.

• E l e c t r i c gui tar . Satel l i te L e s Pau l c o p y . S u n b u r s t f i n i s h . M i g h t M i t e p i ck -ups , wi th s h a p e d hard case , on ly £85ono. S e e A . K imber , C h e m E n g 3 or 381-9571 (eves).

' P i o n e e r tune r /amp, bass and treble con t ro l s for e a c h c h a n n e l , h igh and low f requency f i l ters, A M / F M stereo, 2 5 w / c h a n n e l , £45. R i n g 584-0854. • N i k o n F 3 body , M D 4 motor dr ive, S B 1 2 f lash, N i k k o r z o o n 35 -70mm, V i -vitar ser ies . 1 z o o m 70-210mm, plus accesso ry . Every th ing is abso lu te ly b rand new, s p e n d we l l over £100, b u d g e t p r o b l e m , q u i c k s a l e £800 . P h o n e 636-0556 after 6 :00pm. • O n e set of t h e r m o d y n a m i c s notes for A e r o E n g 2 c o u r s e , s l igh t ly burned e l se in perfect cond i t i on . C o n t a c t S . W . N e i l d , thru le t ter- racks. • R o v e r 3 5 0 0 S , 1 9 7 4 , r e d , b l a c k i n t e r i o r , v i n y l r oo f , 3 8 , 0 0 0 m , v g c , £1250ono: Aus t i n A 6 0 1962, grey, red leather interior, 35,000m, £180ono. P h o n e T o n y , int 3521. • T h e R i c o c h e t D i s c o — L o o k i n g for a mo re p ro fess iona l d i s co thequ e for you r party o r s o c i a l f unc t i on? Don' t sett le for less, book the best. Con tac t C o l i n , R o o m A 2 , L ins tead Ha l l . • T w o g i r l s wan ted to m a k e up a g roup of 8 s o that we c a n app l y for a C o l l e g e h e a d t enancy f lat next year. P lease con tac t Ph i l i p A d e y , A e r o 2 v ia letter-racks .

• W a n t e d : lift to C o l l e g e f rom Park Walk , S W 1 0 , J o h n n y , Stan 's B a r -most n ights .

• I s there a C inde re l l a in need of a g lass s l i pper (or even a pair of Ad idas r u g b y b o o t s ) ? P r e s e n t a t i o n of a s imi la r pair , a l ong with a pair of rugby s o c k s , taken o n Tuesday luncht ime f rom the Un io n chang ing rooms wi l l result in sat is fact ion for a l l . A p p l y C h a r l e s de R o h a n , Maths 1. • Impe r i a l C o l l e g e open darts tourna­ment , F reml in S ing les C u p , Scot t i sh and Newcas t l e Pa i rs C u p , names to R o g e r a n d J i m m y , U n i o n B a r , b y Fr iday , February 5. • M i c r o C l u b sc rewed up their mai l ing list. P lease tell T i m Pan ton , P h y s i c s 3, y o u r dept , s o we can contac t y o u ! • I n d i a Soc ie t y ce lebrates Repub l i c Day w i th a spec ia l funct ion in the J C R o n February 6 at 7:00pm. T i cke ts £1.50 ava i lab le f rom commi t tee. • W a n t e d : one g o o d party, preferably in a hous e o r flat, Karen and O w e n , Fa lmou th K e o g h phone 31. • W a n t e d any th ing in a skirt , R o s c o , C h e m E n g 1.

• N u c l e a r war imminent : S q u a d r o n

Leader S i m o n (Spast ic) Ne i ld is on the

loose . H a s the R A F gone total ly mad?

• R i c h get you r hands off it! Paul and

Dave.

• P h y s i c s 1 S o c R e p , J F , D ick ie Dirts is o p e n unti l 8:00pm ton igh t—L-St rauss . • C o n s o c w i l l i n g to a f f i l i a t e w i t h C o m s o c p r o v i d e d t h e y d e n o u n c e M a g g i e as a wi tch. • B a r o n s a n d Cate r ing Managers , do y o u f ind students spi t t ing at pictures of y o u . T h e n keep Nick Mor ton as pres ident s o m e o n e who really knows h o w to d o noth ing . • T o m Cot t re l l Nat West l iason off icer wi l l be ava i lab le on Tuesdays and F r idays between 1pm and 2pm for adv i ce wi th regard to related bank ing se rv ices s u c h as insurance, invest­ment and tax adv ice in the interview r o o m o f t h e C o l l e g e s u b b r a n c h dur ing term t ime. N o appointment is necessary .

• M i k e - e n j o y yoursel f Thu rsday? N o ? then don' t go to Hammersmi th next t ime!

g S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S 5 (

T h e r e w i l l b e a m e e t i n g i n t h e I C U n i o n

O f f i c e a t 5 : 3 0 p m t o d a y , F r i d a y J a n u a r y

2 2 , f o r a l l t h e p o t e n t i a l c o n t r i b u t o r s t o t h i s

y e a r ' s e d i t i o n o f The Phoenix. If y o u

w o u l d l i k e t o h e l p o r d i s c u s s i d e a s f o r a

c o n t r i b u t i o n , y o u w i l l b e e x t r e m e l y

w e l c o m e . T h e E d i t o r w i l l a l s o b e p l e a s e d

t o s u g g e s t a s i g n m e n t s t o a n y b o d y w h o

c a n n o t d e c i d e w h a t t o c o n t r i b u t e .

THE MAGAZINE OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION

Page 4 FELIX. January 22. 1982

"Why I believe RCS is going to

the dogs"

by S . J . Marshall, ARCS

T h e centenary year of the R o y a l Co l lege of Sc i ence seems a n oppor tune time to ponder o n the

d o w n w a r d t r e n d in the reputat ion of this once reputable inst itution to s u c h an extent that M r

D a v e T h o m p s o n , R C S U n i o n Pres ident , finds it necessary to c o n s u m e his o w n exc rement in

the U n i o n B a r as a ce lebrat ion of this achievement . M a y I offer some of my o w n personal

thoughts on the matter , wri t ing as a p r o u d Assoc ia te of the R C S w h o is losing that pride rapidly

o n overv iewing the recent act ions of the R C S U n i o n , supposedly representative of the R C S as

a whole . 1 shall attempt to show that they are not representat ive a n d deserve no support but

only the contempt of those w h o are.

T h e t r o u b l e s e e m s to s t e m f r o m the

unhealthy relationship between the higher

echelons of the R C S Union and those people

known collectively as the "22 C l u b " . Th is club

is a "pr ivate" organisation which is intended

for people who have made a contribution to

the R C S U n i o n in social and athletic spheres;

elected membership. At this stage I should

point out that I have absolutely no desire to be

disrespectful to older members of the 22 C l u b ,

or indeed to some current student members; I

am sure that they would not condone the foul

ac t s of the few, in p a r t i c u l a r , M r D a v e

Thompson , who I believe, as R C S U n i o n

P r e s i d e n t has a c t e d o u t s i d e the n o r m a l

decorum afforded to such a noble position

within the structure of the R C S .

The 22 C l u b is not above public comment

because it is a "private club"; its constitution

makes it an integral part of the R C S . It seeks

to elect "wor thy" members of the R C S and in

so doing becomes representative of the R C S .

It is u n f o r t u n a t e t h a t the o n l y t a n g i b l e

r e p r e s e n t a t i o n s of the R o y a l C o l l e g e of

Science, which excels in academic excellence,

should be the R C S Union heirarchy and the 22

C lub . Members of these organisations do not

excel academically because they are too busy

excelling at vomiting out of windows onto

passers-by and consuming faeces in public.

This is a recent trend; a pity it should have

reached such an unseemly climax in the year

of the College's centenary, in fact the very

week!

If I lacked knowledge of the glorious history

of the R C S and of its achievements in its one

hundred years of existence and had only the

R C S Union and 22 C l u b to look up to, I should

certainly not want to sustain any connection

upon graduation; membership of the R C S

A s s o c i a t i o n is d w i n d l i n g b e c a u s e it is

u n f o r t u n a t e l y t a r r e d by the same b r u s h .

Similarly, 1 could not feel proud to write the

letters A . R . C . S . after my name. Lucki ly , I

c a m e to the R C S w h e n the U n i o n h a d

leadership worthy of the college's reputation,

still socially orientated of course, but in an

a m i c a b l e w a y ; t h e u n i o n w a s u n i t e d .

Excesses, if indulged at all , were indulged in

private. I would be happy for M r T h o m p s o n to

consume bucketfuls of shit in the privacy of his

own sty, but not in public in the week of the

Centenary celebrations, the organisation of

which he had shown minimal interst. That is

out of order.

I believe this year's R C S fresher has been

actively discouraged from showing any interest

in the college's past history by these unceasing

discreditable acts, presumably intended to

impress, coupled with narrative from this years

R C S Union Officers, who are surely the most

slow-witted, shallow and uninspiring bunch of

morons to emerge into the limelight in my four

years' personal knowledge of the R C S .

I believe M r Thompson is a quite genuine

person who believes he is working towards a

great surge in the popularity of the R C S

Union . But he is labouring under the massive

misconception that his sole coprophagous

contribution to the Centenary celebrations was

a great thing. I feel freshers will not have

returned home this Christmas to tell their

parents: " H e y . R C S is a really great place, they

eat their own shit." Unfortunately, neither will

they have told their parents of the great men

who owe their greatness to the R C S , from T.

H . Huxley and H . G . Wells of yesteryear to the

nobel laureates of today. A n d this was simply

b e c a u s e t h e y t o o k l i t t l e i n t e r e s t in t h e

Centenary and unfortunately missed out o n a n

excellent opportunity to delve into history. It

was handed to them on a platter but M r

Thompson and his unsavoury friends had

already seen to it that their first impressions

were the wrong ones.

Encouragement for M r T h o m p s o n emanates

from the bowels of the 22 C l u b , an organisation

that has enough collective experience to know

better. The very thing that the club was set up in

1922 to safeguard, that is the preservation of

social wellbeing within the R C S (from a res­

pectable distance) is now being destroyed by

the mentally impoverished minority presently

being deemed "wor thy" of membership.

In the same way as decent members of the 22

C l u b are degraded and tarnished by the acts of

the few, so too are A L L members of the R C S ,

those "not privileged" to be singled out as

official representatives, but who nevertheless

have the right to be proud of their college, and

its history.

Sense has not even permeated into the one

member of the R C S U n i o n team who might

have been thought to possess it, namely D r

Chr is Bruton , Life Sciences lecturer, Senior

Treasurer of the R C S U n i o n (and member of

22 Club) . W h e n I interviewed him on his

thoughts about the future of the R C S , with

particular reference to M r Dave Thompson , he

showed what a fine judge of character he was.

H e said that M r T h o m p s o n was " a very nice

c h a p " . B u t p e r h a p s D r B r u t o n was just

treading carefully, as he later admitted to'

thinking he was "as thick as two short planks" .

In summation, what R C S students must

never forget is that to be a n A s s o c i a t e of the

R o y a l C o l l e g e of S c i e n c e ( A . R . C . S . ) is

something to be proud of. W e must never

allow the rubbish people who strut around in

the name of the R C S to take that away from

us. In a nutshell, it simply means that the ones

who really are representative of the R C S must

not allow themselves to be conned by the

intellectually inept few who believe they are the

chosen race.

Fully Guaranteed

1V1ENIE) BHCH

M E N D - A - B I K E

13-15 Park Walk, London SW10

01-352-3999 New and Used Cycles

SAME DAY REPAIR SERVICE

We've got some great bicycle bargains!

New: 5 - s p e e d s B r i t i s h E a g l e u s u a l l y £78 n o w £70.

C l i p p e r L u x u s S p o r t u s u a l l y £79 n o w £72.

New: 1 0 - s p e e d s B r i t i s h E a g l e u s u a l l y £92 n o w £80.

L u x u s S p o r t u s u a l l y £88 n o w £78.

P e u g e o t U 0 1 0 1 0 - s p e e d s a l l o y w h e e l s , c o t t e r l e s s c h a i n s e t s , e t c . , u s u a l l y £145 n o w £124.

F o r t h e s h o r t d i s t a n c e c y c l i s t s e c o n d - h a n d s m a l l w h e e l c y c l e s b e t w e e n £20 a n d £30.

L i m i t e d n u m b e r of e x - r e n t a l c y c l e s £49.00.

Trade-ins accepted, also credit facilities available.

FELIX. January 22, 1982 Page 5

Continued from Issue 600

Take a walk down

F E L R O A D

T h e y e a r s b e t w e e n 1967 a n d 1974 w e r e

notable for many lay-out and organisational

changes. A t the start F E L I X was retailing

fortnightly for 4d and edited by whoever was

willing to devote enough time to it and study

for a degree at the same time. B y October

1974 it was the weekly, free F E L I X you now

know, having undergone several changes in

cost, size and particularly editorial style.

The 1967/8 F E L I X was approximately twice

the size of the one before but still managed to

average t e n pages u n d e r three di f ferent

editors. It was a year of inquorate U G M s ,

bitter C o u n c i l arguments and heralded the

ambivalent attitude of wanting more women at

IC yet simultaneously begrudging them access

to the U n i o n B a r . C h r i s t m a s p r e s e n t s in

F E L I X also started that vear. these being cut­

outs, joss st icks, Chr i s tmas cards and later

grass, a 'p i l l ' , balloons and Christmas tree

lights.

Police Brutality

O c t o b e r 1968 (no . 264) i n t r o d u c e d yet

another page size and the first headline was

the excellent " F u z z Bust H a s h " . However the

headline did not refer to the flourishing College

drug-scene at the time but to Javad ' A d o l f

Hashteroudion , R C S U Vice-President. H e was

attending a V ie tnam demonstration at Park

Lane the J u l y before when he was charged

with throwing stones at a policeman although

' H a s h ' c laimed to be in the middle of the demo,

writing poetry! However , the situation was not

at all amusing for H a s h , as he was held in

police custody for a time and eventually fined

£25 (plus 10 guineas cost) and given a three-

month suspended sentence.

The price went up to 6d for 1969/70, the first

issue being no. 272 which marked the start of

another trend for picture covers. This trend

continued until no. 281 (cover: a wall with a

' F E L I X Road ' sign) when using both R C S

Broadsheet and Counc i l as a forum the R S M U

President criticised the 'wasted front page and

generally poor quality of the last issue'. This

along with what was termed 'not only a waste

of space but a far more dangerous waste than

the photo of the F E L I X Road sign,' in the

R S M U n e w s l e t t e r a n d the c r i t i c a l a n d

unhelpful attitude of Counc i l caused Malco lm

Wil l iamson to announce his resignation in the

editorial of no. 282 Ian C a r r took over for no.

285, the first of the seventies, with the C C U

sheets vs F E L I X antagonism still rife. In the

previous issue R C S Broadsheet had claimed to

be more chatty and up-to-date whilst replying

in another letter Dave Chant (soon to be third

e d i t o r of the t r a u m a t i c 1969/70 sess ion)

explained this was due to the perennial lack of

staff.

O n a lighter note, no. 287 included a letter

ratings girls from J C , IF, Mar ia Assumpta

Kings R o a d , L o n d o n , Glasgow and Edinburgh

on an ascending scale of neutral, moderately

pretty, beautiful, pretty and very pretty. The

letter was signed Paris.

Size of

sample Place I

200 I C

400 Kings R d .

60 Institut Francais

35 M A .

2000 London

150 Glasgow

500 Edinburgh

FELIX NEWSPAPER Of THE IMPERIAL COLLEGE STUDENTS UNION

No 2M WEDNESDAY. ! OCTOBER 146*

FUZZ BUST HASH

The headline of the following issue "Penney

Drops A A " referring to how after eight years

of negotiations, L o r d Penney, the Rector had

announced there would be no merger between

I C a n d t h e A r c h i t e c t u r e A s s o c i a t i o n .

T h e 1970/1 s e s s i o n was u n e v e n t f u l by

comparison; the price dropped to 272d for

nos. 299 to 301, editor J . Rogers including

the first topless F E L I X female in 301. H e

e x p l a i n e d i n 302 w h y that a n d a l l future

F E L I C E S would be free (therefore this is the

301st free F E L I X ) .

The Cat is free

Issue 302,

October 4 1971

P r e t t y

M o d e r a t e l y

V e r y

P r e t t y P r e t t y

0 1

1 0

0 0

0 0

5 1

0 0

2 0

Frivolling

Felix M r Rogers certainly gave an impression of

cheapness in the first free issue, with such

headlines on the front page as:

NEWS IN BRIEFS

PHALLUSY TIME

FRENCH LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Page 6 FELIX, January 22, 1982

FREAK OUT TO THE

IMPERIAL COLLEGE OCT. 26 Tickets 10/- or 17/6 Double.

T h e n e x t e d i t o r , D a v e S u g d e n , t h e n

published in no. 304 what he hoped would be,

and now is, the F E L I X of the future. H e

described that proposals for a weekly F E L I X ,

produced by a sabbatical editor would be put

before Publications Board .

Sabbaticals

Obviously this was agreed although it was

not prominently exposed in F E L I X . Sugden's

final edition, 310, included a credit for Dolly

O w s o n and a warning of apathy (surprise!)

while 311, produced by the Union H o n Sec,

had the following on the back page.

O l i v e r F r a n c i s

D O W S O N

" F e l i x " E d i t o r

T h e f o l l o w i n g year S u g d e n ' s v i s i o n s of

F E L I X were realised with Dowson as the first

weekly, paid Editor. H e also edited Sennet

(now L o n d o n Student) at the same time and

introduced a F E E I X FINANCIA££Y page.

Visually his (and the next year's) F E L I C E S

were boring, being tabloid size, printed on a

s i m i l a r q u a l i t y of p a p e r a n d l a c k i n g in

photographs. Dave Sugden's prediction of

apathy proved very true, there being four

elections for President that year. This gave

D o w s o n the opportunity for one of several

h e a d l i n e s s p a n n i n g t w o i s s u e s . N o . 315

referred to the first election saying " A b s t a i n " .

" A n d They D i d " being the headline of no. 316.

Back to Front H o w e v e r , not e v e r y t h i n g f o l l owed in a

logical sequence: in no. 314 under the title

" P o r n : A Communist P lot " was a photo of the

stripper of 301 before removing her bra, while

no. 315 showed shots of M o t o r Show models

from various illuminating angles. Copies of

these four photos will be on view in the F E L I X

Office for a nominal charge during this week.

The front page of no. 336 had a " F E L I X

Editor Threatened with Castrat ion" (by Union

Sec for leaking election results) caption, but

much more seriously were the events reported

on the cover of no. 337: "Where are our Rag

Mags? , F E L I X E d C e n s u r e d — B u t Resig­

nation Bid Fai ls" . This described the blunders

made by D o w s o n in having M i k e Will iams' Rag

Mags printed. Counc i l had made Dowson print

a letter from Williams on the front page,

a l t h o u g h in the a c c o m p a n y i n g r e p o r t no

e l a b o r a t i o n was g iven on h o w P . J o w i t t

(Deputy President) had succeeded in dragging

numerous parts of M r Dowson's private life

into the argument. Will iams was later to follow

D o w s o n as F E L I X Editor. This issue also

i n c l u d e d the f o l l o w i n g i n s e r t a b o u t a n

Improbable College.

In his epilogue Oily answered criticisms of

his F E L I X by stating news was up to 25%,

adding that the following Editor planned more,

suggested U G M s be named Socsoc meetings

( r e m a r k i n g h o w S o c s o c no l o n g e r h e l d

meetings of their own) and claimed C C U s

were destroying I C U .

T h e 1 9 7 3 / 4 s e s s i o n F E L I C E S w e r e

dominated by U n i o n news, the reason being A .

C a m p b e l l ' s r e s o l u t i o n to i n c r e a s e n e w s

content and his replacement by P. Wadsworth

who was both F E L I X Editor and H o n Sec for

two of the t h r e e t e r m s of the s e s s i o n .

Wadsworth , in his 358 editorial, explained he

only wrote editorials when he ran out of copy

and criticised several of his staff for being

b i a s e d . T h e s e s s i o n e n d e d w i t h D P , D .

Sinclair, resigning his post near the end of his

t e r m in office b e c a u s e he h a d not been

awarded a U G A .

During this time IC played host to many big

name bands and solo acts, either in the Great

Hall or in Carniva l gigs held at outside venues

like the Albert H a l l . These included Deep

Purple, Donovan (a real money-spinner), Elton

J o h n , Queen and L o u Reed. This last gig

coinciding with a pick-up in the drug scene.

This week's advert is for the first of two Pink

F loyd gigs at IC .

scandalous

FELIX 337

FELIX, January 22, 1982 Page 7

What's On

Friday, January 22

• B U N A C week l y meet ing , 12:30pm, Green Comm Rm.

• Indus t r ia l S o c c o m m meet ing , 1:00pm, Chem Eng

Concourse.

• C h r i s t i a n U n i o n meet ing with 'Bible Study1 as the

theme, 6:30pm, 53 Prince _ Gate. Followed by coffee and

biscuits, with prayer meeting between 9:00-10:00pm.

• P h o e n i x staff mee t ing , 5:30pm, Union Office.

Saturday, January 23

• B i r d w a t c h i n g t r ip to T h o r n e y Po in t , 7:20am, Water

loo ticket station, £4.50 (will get some back), bring rail­

card, wellies, packed lunch and binos, if any.

• C h i n e s e new year ce leb ra t i on : pantomime, dinner

and disco, 6:30pm, Union Concert Hall, Lower Refectory

and JCR, 80p (disco only). Arranged by IC Chinese Soc.

All welcome.

Sunday, January 24

• W L C c o m m u n i o n se rv i ce , 10:00am, Consort Gallery.

• W a r g a m e s c l ub meet ing , 1:00pm, Union SCR.

Monday, January 25

•Hang -g l i d i ng c l ub meet ing , 12:30pm, above Southside

Bar.

• C h e m s o c lec ture : 'Platinum Anti-Cancer Drugs' by Mr

P.C. Hyde (Johsnon-Mattey), 4:30pm, Lecture Theatre

C.

• D a n c i n g c lub a d v a n c e d c lass , 7:30pm, JCR.

Tuesday, January 26

• B o a r d s a i l i n g c lub week l y meet ing , 12:30 and 6:15pm,

Southside Upper Lounge. Contact Nick Ajderian ME3 or

Andy Grimshaw Zoo 2 for more details.

• C a t h o l i c mass a n d l u n c h , 12:30pm, Chem 231. Nomi­

nal charge for lunch.

• S T O I C p rog ramme: 'Film Special', Richard O'Brien,

who wrote the music and screenplay for and starred in

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the recently re­

leased Shock Treatment, 1:00 and 6:00pm, JCR, South-

side TV Lounge, Southside, Beit, Linstead and Weeks

Halls.

• D e p t of Human i t i es p resen ts

1. N u c l e a r W a r in E u r o p e ?

Part 2: Nuclear Weapons in Europe

with Field Marshal the Lord Carver, GCB, CBE, DSO,

MC, Former Chief of the Defence Staff, 1:30pm, Theatre

1, Blackett Laboratory. Arranged by IC European Dis­

armament Group.

2. M a n , M i n d and Sp i r t

Part 2: Becoming a Person

Dr Martin Israel, Senior Lecturer in Pathology, Royal

College of Surgeons, 1:30pm, Read Theatre, Sherfield.

• I C A m n e s t y g roup meet ing , 5:30pm, Green Comm

Rm (top floor, Union Building).

• W i n e t a s t i n g Soc ie t y tasting some of the wines from

Provence, 6:00pm, Union SCR.

• I C M i c r o c l ub present a talk by RARDE on 'A military

Distributed Computing Network', 7:00, Huxley LT145,

free to members, non-members 30p. Film also!

• B U N A C f i lm and s n a c k s even ing , 7:00pm HB340

(Maths dept), free.

• D a n c i n g c lub beg inners c lass , 7:30pm, JCR.

• I C C A G S o u p R u n , meet 10:30pm, Falmouth Kitchens.

Wednesday, January 27

• W a r g a m e s c lub meet ing , 1:00pm, Union SCR.

• A n t i - A p a r t h e i d meet ing , 1:00, Union Upper Lounge.

• A s t r o s o c obse rv ing meet ing: Dr Bignall giving advice

on 'Astronomical Photography1, 3:30pm, 'Waveguide',

Physics. Free to members.

• I C T r a m p o l i n e soc ie ty meet ing, 5:30pm, Courtauld

Hall, QEC, Campenden Hill Rd. Contact Kristen Hansen,

Chem 2 for further info.

• D a n c i n g c lub in termedia te c lass , 7:30pm, JCR.

Thursday, January 28

• C h r i s t i a n S c i e n c e g roup meet ing, 1:00pm, Seminar

Room, Level 2S, Botany.

• S T O I C p rog ramme featuring'News-Break', 1:00 and

6:00pm, JCR (1:00pm only), Southside TV Lounge, Beit,

Southside, Linstead and Weeks Halls.

• M e c h E n g soc p resen ts a ta lk on the success of

Japanese Industry by Mr Wilson, 1:00pm, ME342.

• D e p t of Human i t i es presents :

1. T h e W o r l d at W a r (Thames T V )

Part 12: Nemesis, 1:15pm, Great Hail.

2. L u n c h - h o u r C o n c e r t

La Raphaele (Baroque Ensemble), 1:30pm, Music Rm, 53

Princes Gate.

3. A n Eng ineer l ooks at B io logy

Part 3: Evolution and the Managing Director

Prof Eric Laithwaite, 1:30pm, Read Theatre. (Postponed

from autumn term.)

• Z i m b a b w e : T h e Cha l l enge of Independence , a talk

by HE R T Zwinoira, High Commissioner for Zimbabwe,

1:30pm, Pippard Lecture Theatre. (Arranged by ICU

Overseas Students Committee.)

• G l i d i n g C l u b M e e t i n g , 5:30pm, Aero 254

• F i s h i n g c lub meet ing , 6:00pm, Stan's Bar.

• E n t s f i lm: Kentucky Fried Movie, 6:30pm, Mech Eng

220, 50p.

• J e w i s h soc genera l meet ing , lunchtime, venue t.b.a.

H a i r b y

priglss HAIRDRESSING FOR MEN & WOMEN

Barney McCabe did it.

How about you?

20% reduction on production of Union card

68 GLOUCESTER ROAD LONDON S.W.7.

TELEPHONE: 01-584 7193 01-584 0858

OPENING TIMES: MONDAY 9-6.00 LATE NIGHTS

TUESDAY. WEDNESDAY. THURSDAY. FRIDAY 9-8.00 SATURDAY 9-5.00

A w I.C.EBTTS P R E S E N T S

TONIGHT

T H E " O n l y 3 3 7 Days

t i l l C h r i s t m a s " P A R T Y

W i t h : WALTER MIITY'S LITTLE WHITE LIES 2

D I S C O B A R I J C R

i 8 - * t i c k e t s : £ 1 I D V I I C S %

£1*25 DOOR %

IC Chinese Society presents C H I N E S E N E W Y E A R

C E L E B R A T I O N S

on Saturday, January 23 with

Pantomime: 6 : 3 0 p m , U n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l .

Dinner: 8 : 0 0 p m , S h e r f i e l d L o w e r R e f e c t o r y .

Disco: 9 : 3 0 p m t i l l l a t e , J C R .

M e m b e r s : £4; O t h e r s : £5: Just D is co : 80p.

(Ticket nos. 21-30 are void!)

Formal dress please. ALL WELCOME

Page 8 FELIX. January 22. 1982

Cutter's Way, Gate Notting Hill, X

A description eludes me at present but the plot

in its most basic (and perhaps incorrect) form

is fairly simple: A rich and powerful magnate,

J . C o r d murders a young cheerleader and it

seems that he will get away with the crime

because the only witness, Richard Bone, is

almost fatally apathetic. Bone has a friend,

Alex Cutter , a Vietnamese war veteran who is

heavily mutilated and seems to have one bodily

organ where most people have two, and it is

this young man who makes for the vitality of

the film. By hook or by crook (the latter as it

turns out) Cutter intends to get C o r d for his

deed just like The Mounties always do. It is

very difficult to decide as to whether it is or is

not worth seeing since most of the few people

who have seen it like it, but I didn't.

It was not as entertaining as Raiders nor

as morally depressing as Christiane F. It is not

"l ight", although it does have some amusing

scenes, but then so do a lot of B movies.

Shezi Abedi John Heard as the horribly disfigured Cutter

Translations. A new play by Brian Friel.

Directed by Donald McWhinnie. The

Lyttelton, National Theatre.

A Ledge school in the year 1833 in the

townland of Braile Beag (Ballybeg), an Irish-

speaking community in County Donegal, sets

the scene for the play Translations by the

contemporary Irish playwright Brian Friel . A

hedge school, I was interested to find out, was

a place such as a barn or a loft where peasants

studied in the evening after a hard day's toil on

the land. They were taught by men drawn from

their own stock and they often attained a high

degree of proficiency in such unlikely subjects

as the classics. Learning was done entirely

through the vernacular Gael ic .

-Against this somewhat inconspicuous scene

a m i l i t a r y d e p u t a t i o n f r o m t h e B r i t i s h

g o v e r n m e n t is s t a l k i n g the c o u n t r y s i d e

anglicising all the place names for the first

Ordinance Survey of Ireland, and all this at a

time when the hedge schools and the Gaelic

language they were keeping alive were being

absorbed into the recently introduced State

system of education with English as the first

language.

O n a superficial level the play is depicting a

national and rustic way of life being wasted

away by a temporal and political tide, and the

tense relationship between the English and the

Irish depicted in the play set almost 150 years

ago is s t i l l sad ly re l evant t oday . B u t the

u n d e r l y i n g s u b s t a n c e of the p lay is m o r e

universal and meaningful. Friel is building onto

the fabric of hedge schools and the Ordinance

Survey a masterful and beautiful exposition of

language—both on the aesthetic and uplifting

heights it can reach, but also on the frustration

a n d even d a n g e r it c a n e n g e n d e r . T h e s e

qualities of language are expressed beautifully

in the play. A n old, grey bearded peasant

becomes enraptured by Virgil . A dumb girl is

taught to say her name. The school master

delights in the Lat in roots of Gaelic words. A n

English officer anglicises place names, but

obliterates whole local legends in the process.

A n d a peasant girl and an officer in love with

each other can no more than embrace. A l l

these qualities and others are expressed in the

play in a dialogue of words which in themselves

I found incredibly moving, heart-warming and

i n c r e d i b l y b e a u t i f u l . E v e n the a c t i n g was

superlative.

The play was first staged on a tour of Ireland

last year but later appeared at the highly

enterprising Hampstead Theatre where it was

greeted in The Times as a national classic. The

director of the theatre upon reading the play

said "It was the sort of script you read once

every ten years if you are lucky" . The play is

certainly in a class of its own.

Nick Bedding

Still Crazy The Bush (Shepherds Bush

Green). Presented by Bush Theatre Hull

truck. Runs until January 30.

A p l a y t h a t t r a i l s t h r o u g h the s w i r l i n g

misappreheosions, assumptions and personal

fall of those young in the sixties and their

inability to come to terms with the notion that

they corrupted and betrayed the ideals of their

nebulous twenties. Nick , who works for the

B B C , a n d L i b b y , who b r i n g s up a c h i l d ,

attempt to unravel the eighties in cliches two

decades too late.

The play invokes the characters ' guilt at the

idea ls of y o u t h , mod i f i ed by m i d d l e c l ass

aspirations, eventually degenerating into semi­

d e t a c h e d h o m o g e n i t y . W h o l e f o o d yogur t

provides the final, media-cultivated, corrupt

touchstone for those immersed in being forty

whose slogans have dissipated in a spasm of

consumerism.

N i c k sees himself in Maddie , a frayed 'new

romantic ' , and Tyle, who flirts with punk, and

s e i z e s the o p p o r t u n i t y of c o n f l i c t as a

justifiable method of making the problems of

his past physical. By applying them to another

he ignores them in himself. The essential

t r a g e d y of N i c k is the r e a l i s a t i o n a n d

personalisation of guilt.

Nick and Tyle are both created and crippled

by b a s i c a l l y the s a m e c o n c e r n s . T h e y

understand each other and the nature of their

conflict totally. In the last resort they are inter­

changeable. They are both safe in the rut of

the relationship between them.

Nick is the horror of Tyle as in him Tyle can

see what he will become. Each character

lingers over their own terror in the relentlessly

Habitat-inspired set.

The two aging, sold-out hippies, N i c k and

L i b b y , a r e a b l e to d e v e l o p w i t h i n t h e

restrictions of role while Tyle , the obligatory

punky /Bowie clone, and Maddie , the greying

new r o m a n t i c , s o l id i ty in r a t h e r c r u d e l y

imposed limitations.

N i c k muses on the brave new world of the

sixties that has passed by and it becomes

apparent that he is no different to any old man

brooding on his youth. The final confrontation

with Tyle is both painful and funny as both are

a mockery of what they express.

David Gill

Shaun Scott and Bernadette Shorrt in Brian Fiel's "Translations''

FELIX, January 22, 1982 Page 10

"Let's try that again, shall we?"

Labour

Grants: Student grants are going down again

next year by an average of £5 per week, and if

you are unlucky enough to be one of the 75%

of students whose parents do not pay their full

contribution you will be even worse hit. It

r e m a i n s to be s e e n w h e t h e r o u r g l o r i o u s

President will pick up his hot-line to Ke i th

Joseph and instruct the government to change

its policy. A n y o n e who doubts I C U ' s ability to

mount any sort of campaign against grant cuts

while isolated from the rest of the student

movement is invited to get in touch with the

L a b o u r C l u b . W e will be supporting the N U S

campaign.

Coming Soon: O u r first major speaker this

term will be Neil Kinnock MP, opposit ion

spokesman o n education, on February 2 in

M E 2 2 0 at 1:00pm. A member of the L a b o u r

Party 's Nat ional Execut ive Committee , he has

been heavily crit ic ised by the Bennite faction

for his cruc ial votes opposing the endorsement

of Peter Tatchel l and supporting an enquiry

into the militant tendency. N e i l K i n n o c k ' s

interest in higher education goes back to his

day as the student union president in Cardiff .

SF Soc

Brush ing the little men from his trouser-legs

the bulletin author once again leaps into action

with a gleam in his eye, a song in his heart and

a moneky o n his back. It is tempting to suggest

that the monkey in question is N . Wi l l son , but

it ain't so, despite his derogatory references to

S F readers in his book review c o l u m n last

week I will say no more, believing as I do that to

have Riddley Walker and completely missed

the point is punishment enough. O n e plus

point for M r Wi l l son ; as far as I know he is the

only book reviewer not to write his review in

the style of the book.

Whi le we're on the subject of books, S F Soc

l i b r a r y m e e t i n g s are s t i l l t a k i n g p lace o n

Thursday lunchtimes in the G r e e n Commit tee

R o o m . M o r e book-buying will take place soon,

so if you want to influence the choices, turn up

at a library meeting. C h r i s Priest may be

coming for a chat soon. M o r e details will be

forthcoming when there are more details.

A n y o n e who missed the Czechos lovak ian

S F film Tomorrow I'll be Scalding Myself with

Tea m i s s e d a t r e a t . It w e n t o n f r o m a

somewhat heavy-handed beginning to become

the best time-travel film I've ever seen. If you

ever again get the chance to see it, do.

The co lumn has once again run out of

space, but as Bonner the Stachastic once said

"that 's life". Y o u r s until book reviewers give

S F its due.

Belnot Phist and the Green Committee

Just a quick word this week to announce the

R C S R a g M a g T r i p t o C a m b r i d g e o n

Wednesday, January 27, meeting at Beit A r c h

at 12:00. There are many seats still available,

a n d the system operating is that seats on the

coach will cost £3 per person with cash back

depending on sales of Rag Mags . Thus you can

h a v e a c h e a p t r i p t o s e e a n y p a l s i n

Cambr idge , a free trip by selling lots of Rag

Mags , or a combination of both. Refunds will

be of the order of £1 for 20 Rag Mags sold, and

considering the vast hordes of suckers , sorry

students, available, sales of 100 or more are

possible. Please give your names to your soc

reps as soon as possible if you want to go.

H i ! Y K N O W , IF Y O U V E GOT A H E A D A C H E . . . .

Amensi International

Group

IC 's Amnes ty International G r o u p continues

to campaign for the implementation of the

U N ' s Universal Declarat ion of H u m a n Rights,

w h i c h has b e e n s i g n e d by a l m o s t a l l the

m e m b e r s t a t e s of the U N . T h e p r i n c i p a l

method remains the letter-writing campaign, in

which letters on behalf of a person imprisoned

for non-violent adherence to his beliefs arrive

simultaneously from thousands of Amnesty

m e m b e r s t h r o u g h o u t t h e w o r l d . M a n y

prisoners have testified that such a deluge of

letters has caused a marked improvement in

their treatment, and often their immediate

release.

T h e group's adopted prisoner is a student,

F i r m i n A w a d o n of Benin , who was arrested,

but not charged in 1979 after students had

formed their own 'Ac t i on G r o u p ' to oppose

the government-control led body which until

then was their only representation. Enquiries

about his legal position are not answered by

his government. The group is looking into the

possibility of obtaining the help of firms which

trade in Benin .

B e f o r e a d o p t i n g a p r i s o n e r A m n e s t y

International conducts a n investigation to

ascertain whether the person is imprisoned for

h i s be l i e f s a n d w h e t h e r he has u s e d o r

advocated violence. The IC group is helping

with such a preliminary investigation for a

prisoner in Sr i L a n k a .

Snooker Both the handicap and open tournaments are

well under way now, and the deadline for first

round matches to be completed has been set

at January 29. If you haven't played yet, put a

notice up o n one of the boards in the snooker

r o o m (where the draws for each tournament

are) for your opponent listing the times you

can play. If matches haven't been completed

by the date, the winner will be decided by

chosing the person w h o has made most effort

to play the game. The B table will be set aside

for m a t c h p l a y o n l y o n T u e s d a y 26 a n d

Thursday 28 January , and you can now book

two hour slots (at any time) to play matches.

Best of luck to everyone, but watch out for

nosebleed specialist Jennings.

Page 10

Bookshop News I hope you all read the letter, re Recommended

Books (letters' page), if any tutor recommends

a specific title, and it is not in stock, tell me!

Publications from the "International Labour

Office" are on display in our Window, if you

wish to see one, the staff will be glad to get it

for you.

W e can still get Sir Douglas Bader to sign

copies of his biography "Fly ing C o l o u r s " for

people. So don't be frightened to ask.

L o r d Z u c k e r m a n wi l l be givi j jg the 6th

Jubilee Lecture in College on February 18.

The lecture will be titled 'Nuclear Illusion and

Reality' and his book of the same title will be on

sale in the Book s h op on the day of publication,

January 28.

J o h n Wiley and Sons (Publishers) will be

o r g a n i s i n g a ' C o m p u t e r B o o k M o n t h ' i n

February, and a large selection of their books

will be on display in the Shop during the

month.

New Titles K i n g Royal-John Quigley, Pan , £1.95

The Many Coloured Land-Jul ian M a y , P a n ,

£1.75

Darken Ship-Nicholas Monsarrat , P a n , £1.50

The ( inborn David Shogin, Pan , £1.50

Riddley Wa/fcer-Russell H o b a n , Pan /P i cador ,

£1.95

Our Cheque is in the Post -Christopher W a r d ,

Pan , £1.00

Taking the Rough with the Smooth-Dr

A n d r e w Stanley, P a n , £1.95.

Industrial H o w d y folks! First ly , thanks to all those who

came to the A S T M S talk last week; and also to

the Edi tor—his inclusion of all our p u b l i c i t y

made the event more successful than some

past talks!

• O u r next major event has wider than usual

appeal: unless the Miners (not R S M ! ) strike,

Ian Ross will tell all about life as B B C Industrial

C o r r e s p o n d e n t o n F r i d a y , J a n u a r y 29 at

12:50pm in C h e m Eng Theatre 1. W a t c h out

for him on T V in the meantime!

Plus. . . .Today at 1:00pm is our Committee

Meeting in C h e m Eng Concourse : all officers,

vice-officers and interested parties please note.

Consoc N e x t Thursday , January 28, T i m Linacre , the

N a t i o n a l C h a i r m a n of the F e d e r a t i o n of

Conservative Students, will be speaking to

C o n s o c . Meet ing in the Upper Lounge (next to

the U n i o n Office) at 1:00pm. H e will be talking

on F C S ' s role in liasing with the party, the

government and relations with N U S .

W e regret that this meeting can only be

open to Conservative Society members.

Ents

So we're off to a flying start to term 2, with the

party tonight featuring Walter Mitty 's Little

White Lies ! Have you bought your ticket yet?

It's another 25p on the door so the Ents R o o m

or the U n i o n Office would be useful ports of

call to fill that deficiency. But that's not all!

N e x t Friday sees our H a r d Rock soiree with

Overki l l and Blue M a x providing the culture.

It's only £1 per ticket so we expect to see you

there. T h r o w in such infinitely entertaining

films (this week Kentucky Fried Movie) and

more surprise events to come and you can see

that Ents is the place to be in 1982.

Badgesoc

A t last, Badgesoc is ready, organised and raring

to go. 2,000 badge b i t s are a r r i v i n g th is

Wednesday to keep us going for a month or

t w o . A f t e r last t e r m ' s X m a s B o n f i r e a n d

Badge sale, well over £60 is in the can , all going

to charity. W e still need someone, however,

willing to return the wire bin from Beit Q u a d

back to H y d e Park .

F r o m n o w o n B a d g e s o c m e e t s e v e r y

Monday at 12:45pm in the Lounge above

Southside Bar . B u y badgebits, enrol , get new

ideas for stunningly original badges, have a

"pie & a pint", discuss pressing questions such

as: should we give the money we collected to

Rag or to T W S ? A l l these and more, Mondays ,

12:45pm, Southside.

Don 't forget, to join up, send 50p to Lee

Mercer c /o M e c h Eng or come to a meeting.

runriskof sleeping sickness

Scic

The Times

Tuesday, Jan 12

Astro-soc Issues Denial

A spokesman said yesterday: " O n behalf of the

A s t r o s o c c ommit tee I w o u l d l ike to deny

c a t e g o r i c a l l y the a l l e g a t i o n s in T u e s d a y ' s

Times. There is absolutely no cause for worry

by any of our members, we have never had

even one member asleep during any of our

lectures. W e feel this was irresponsible of the

Times and will cause needless anxiety for

countless thousands of astronomers every

where. It would appear that there have been

two or three cases in the N o r t h A m e r i c a n

continent, and now it has been blown out of all

proport ion by this art ic le . "

There will be an observing meeting next

Wednesday at 3:30pm in the "Wave-guide" in

t h e P h y s i c s B u i l d i n g , w i t h a d v i c e o n

astronomical photography, and the oppor

tunity to use these techniques afterwards

(weather permitting, of course!). The following

lectures have already been arranged for this

term:

Tues Feb 9: Prof J Taylor asking " C a n we

unify gravity With the other forces of nature?

T u e s Feb 23: D r J . M . I rv in s p e a k i n g o n

" N e u t r o n Stars " .

Tues March 2: D r Joseph speaking on " I R A S " .

Tues March 9: D r Raine F R S speaking on

" T h e Superstructures of the Universe" .

Thurs March 18: D r R . L . F . B o y d F R S

speaking on " T h e Solar Atmosphere" .

Tues March 23: D r I s h a m s p e a k i n g o n

" Q u a n t u m Grav i ty " .

A l l these l e c t u r e s wi l l be at 6 : 3 0 p m i n

Physics Lecture Theatre 2.

O n l y a smal l c o l u m n this week 'cos the

weather 's been bad aga in . D o n ' t forget: A l l

sports reports to have score, date p layed a n d

opposit ion on top of page. T h a n k s .

Lesley

xx

G U I L D S S O C C E R S I X E S (Sunday, M a r c h 14th, 1982 at H a r l i n g t o n

B E E R P R I Z E S

Teams to consist of at least 5 players from one

year in a department . O n e guest player

a l lowed. If lor some reason you can't get 5

then come a n d leave a message in the G u i l d s

U n i o n Office for P h i l Nicco l l s . T h e r e w i l l be

a small charge for coaches but supporters

travel free. ..-

'^Badminton

Due to the non -ava i lab i l i t y of the Great H a l l ,

ihere w i l l only be c lub nights on M o n d a y s on

the fo l lowing dates: F e b r u a r y 8, M a r c h 1,

w i t h a n a d d i t i o n a l T h u r s d a y n i g h t o n

February 11. C l u b nights on F'riday nights

w i l l continue as n o r m a l in O l d C h e m i s t r v .

Bowling I C v s . S o u t h a m p t o n U n i v 6 -4

L a s t S a t u r d a y , the I C t e a m g a i n e d a

m a g n i f i c e n t v i c t o r y o v e r S o u t h a m p t o n

U n i v e r s i t y at t h e C h a r r i n g ! o n B o w l ,

T o l w o r t h .

T h e A team (Cook, H a r r i s o n , Hooper ,

M a n , M c M u t l a n ) mashed the opposit ion in

the first game w i t h D i c k H o o p e r scoring 209.

T h e y f o l l o w e d t h i s u p w i t h a n o t h e r

comprehensive w i n in the second game but

the t h i r d was a m u c h more exc i t ing affair

wi th A n d y M c M u l l a n scoring 17 in the last

frame to w i n the game by 2 pins a n d the

match overal l .

T h e B team ( M o y e , Short , S m i t h , T h o n g ,

W e l l s ) p e r f o r m e d w e l l a g a i n s t s t r o n g

opposit ion but only managed to w i n one

game. However , in the match overal l this

game proved to be v i t a l .

T h e real heroes ol the day were the C team

(Dale, Davis , G r i m w o o d , Q u i n n , Stanley)

who won al l their games, so becoming the

lirst I C C team to w i n for ten years. T h e

highlight of the match was the 182 scored by

A n d y Dav is in the second game (unheard of

by a C team player) w h i c h together w i t h

excellent, wel l above average performances

by a l l his team-mates gave a total of 733,

beat ing both I C and S o u t h a m p t o n B team

scores a n d becoming one of the best scores by

a C team in this year's nat ional student

league.

T h e ladies match was forfeited by I C as

only M a r i e C h e o n g turned up but her m o r a l

support was m u c h apprec iated by a l l .

Next match is t omorrow (Jan 23) against

B r u n e i U n i v e r s i t y a l T o l w o r t h , r o l l - o f f

2 :00pm.

FELIX, January 22, 1982 Page 11

Southside Penthouse Problem

N o t a w o r d from the Southside Wardens ,

although I a m informed that D r Jowitt thinks

I'm just "Jowi t t bashing" . If he really considers

the matter so childishly, I can see we'll never

reach a satisfactory solution. This matter will

not just disappear. N i c k M o r t o n has suggested

that the current residents should ignore the

condition that they should gain access from

the T i z a r d gallery level.

Victorian Night

A n advert in E x e c N e w s for the opening of the

r e - v a m p e d b a r i n S o u t h s i d e c a r r i e s a n

unfortunate error . T h e date of the V i c tor ian

N i g h t is Thursday, January 28 a n d not

Thursday , January 27, as stated. Never mind ,

M a r c o , it happens to the best of us.

Credits

A v e r y s p e c i a l t h a n k s t o D a v e B r i t t o n ,

Caro l ine , Barne*y, M a r c o , Pallab, J o n , Soheel ,

J a m e s Deeny , Peter, J e z and M o (on IC Radio,

Tuesdays) who stayed up until 4:00am helping

me last Friday morning. You ' r e all heroes.

This week thanks to M a r t i n , Soheel , Pallab,

Steve, Peter, J . M a r t i n , Eddie , J o n , James ,

Lesley, Dave , J e z , M o , M a z and Ian.

Shock Treatment. Certificate A. Directed

by Jim Sharman. Starring Jessica Harper,

Cliff de Young, Richard O'Brien, Barry

Humphries.

M a n y expected Rocky Horror Show 2, but

rather than a mere re-work of all too familiar

material , writer Richard O ' B r i e n has applied

his talents to the strange world of television for

his latest musical comedy product ion Shock

Treatment.

B r a d and Janet survive to become part of

the community of Denton , where television is

so dominant that the whole town is depicted as

a T V studio whose inhabitants are players in

soap operas and quiz games. This brilliant

d e v i c e a l l o w s d i r c t o r J i m S h a r m a n to

i n t r o d u c e a v a r i e t y o f c h a r a c t e r s a n d

situations in rapid succession.

B r a d and Janet fall victim to the talents of

Since sabbatical elections will soon be here, I

felt that now would be a good time to advise

a n y p o t e n t i a l c a n d i d a t e s of the q u a l i t i e s

needed in a successful U n i o n Exec . ( F E L I X

Editor , a more delicate issue altogether, will be

reserved for a later puzzle.)

A s far as his job is concerned, an Exec

member should be dedicated, enthusiastic and

versatile. Personal qualities are essential too:

c h e e r f u l n e s s , f r i e n d l i n e s s a n d wit are a l l

important qualities in a U n i o n Officer. INo one

cou ld consider himself suitable for an Exec

post unless he was blessed with at least two of

the industrious qualities I have mentioned, and

at least two of the personal qualities. In fact,

for a balanced Exec , each feature should be

found in just two of the three members.

The President, of course, needs to be witty.

The Deputy President, who must be versatile,

should be enthusiastic or witty, but not both.

A n d the Exec should not contain more than

one person who is both dedicated and witty,

nor should there be more than one member

who is cheerful and enthusiastic.

What qualities are required in the H o n Sec?

Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the

FELIX Office, please. There is a prize of £5

(donated by Mend-aBike) for the correct

entry randomly selected at 1:00pm on

Wednesday.

Last Week's Solution

M c O a t u p ' s caber has four perforations, and

there are three possible arrangements for

them along the length of the pole: 1+1+4+4+3

or 1+3+1+6+2 or 1+5+3+2+2. O f the thirteen

people who found one or more of these, A .

Sh iekh , Physics 2, is the lucky winner.

A n d now, the rest of the solutions to the Chr i s tmas puzzles .

Call My Bluff

angekkok, monotroch , monost ich, paneity,

giaour, st, gju a n d euoi are all in C h a m b e r s '

Dict ionary, and are perfectly acceptable in

Scrabble. Euo i , st and gju are even useful on

occasion. Posteeen is in the dictionary, and I

suppose that makes it permissible, even though

it is a m i s p r i n t ; it s h o u l d r e a d ' p o s t e e n ' .

N u n a t a k k r is another misprint (should be

' n u n a t a k k e r ' ) b u t t h i s o n e is d e f i n i t e l y

disallowed, since it is marked as Swedish.

F i n a l l y , ' s w e d e ' is n o t a l l o w e d s i n c e ,

Bert Schnick (Barry Humphries ) , the blind

host of a m a r r i a g e c o u n s e l l i n g s h o w . H e

convinces Janet to send B r a d for treatment in

D e n t o n v a l e , a m e d i c a l s e r i e s r u n by the

suspect duo C o s m o and Nat ion M c K i n l e y .

Meanwhile , unknown to both lovers, evil fast

food king Farley Flavors is plotting to make

Janet a star and steal her from B r a d to settle

an old score.

Jess ica Harper is well cast as Janet (as is the

amazing Barry Humphries as Schnick) . She

proves that she has a fine voice in the musical

numbers and also manages to always look

entirely convincing. The film moves at a rapid

pace which can be confusing, but the variety of

i m a g e s a n d the c a t c h y l y r i c s h o l d s the

attention well. A s a musical it is not perfect,

but it displays an inventiveness and wit which

is all too rare nowadays.

M a r k Smith

r a t h e r s u r p r i s i n g l y , it d o e s not a p p e a r i n

C h a m b e r s without a capital letter.

M a r c h e s

T w o solutions are shown in the diagram.

Taking Notes

Writ ing ' U ' for 'up' , ' D ' for 'down' , etc.,the

following solution takes 83 moves. M o v e each

p i e ce as far as p o s s i b l e in the d i r e c t i o n

indicated, except where I have said otherwise.

U U , left timp U , R D L L , timp U one unit,

L D R ( U L ) U R ( L D ) D R R U U R R D ( D R )

R R D L L U U R D R U L U ( R U ) L D D R D L ( U L )

U U R (RD) D (DR) R U L D D L , Music stands

U U , R, Lower timp D , R D L L L L U R D D R U

(LU) U L L D R R U ( U L) L

This solution was devised by Zar Amro l ia

and is shorter by about forty moves than

a n y t h i n g I h a d b e e n able to d e v i s e . D r .

C o n w a y , who showed me the puzzle , also

showed me an even harder one along the same

lines; I'm saving it for the next time someone

complains that the puzzles are too easy.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince

Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (589-5111 ext 1048 int 2881) Copyright FELIX 1982. Editor: M A Smith, Advertising Manager: S M Giblin.

e x e c n e w s i

B U C K I N G H A M P A L A C E

1 8 t h D e c e m b e r 1 9 8 1

T h a n k y o u f o r y o u r l e t t e r o f 2 n d D e c e m b e r .

Y o u m a y l i k e t o e x p l a i n t o m e m b e r s o f

I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n t h e b a c k g r o u n d t o t h e n e w s p a p e r s t o r i e s

a b o u t P r i n c e s s A n n e ' s r e c e n t v i s i t t o N e p a l .

H e r R o y a l H i g h n e s s d i d i n d e e d v i s i t a Game R e s e r v e w h e r e

s t r e n u o u s e f f o r t s a r e b e i n g m a d e t o p r e s e r v e t h e t i g e r

p o p u l a t i o n . T h i s p a r t o f T h e P r i n c e s s ' s v i s i t o r g a n i s e d b y

t h e N e p a l e s e G o v e r n m e n t w a s t o s e e t h e l o c a l w i l d l i f e

i n c l u d i n g , i f p o s s i b l e , o n e o f t h e s m a l l n u m b e r o f t i g e r s .

B u f f a l o e s a l s o l i v e i n t h e R e s e r v e ( t o g e t h e r w i t h o t h e r s p e c i e s

b e i n g t h e n a t u r a l p r e y o f t i g e r s ) a n d a r e m a i n t a i n e d t h e r e b y

t h e R e s e r v e a u t h o r i t i e s a s a m a t t e r o f p o l i c y . I f t h e r e w a s

n o R e s e r v e t h e n a t u r a l h a b i t a t o f t h e t i g e r a n d i t s f o o d

s o u r c e s w o u l d h a v e a l r e a d y d i s a p p e a r e d i n N e p a l ( a n d h e n c e

t i g e r s ) .

T h e r e i s n o t r u t h i n t h e s t o r y t h a t o n e

b e a s t w a s s p e c i a l l y s t a k e d f o r t h e b e n e f i t o f P r i n c e s s A n n e ,

n o r d i d s h e s e e a b u f f a l o k i l l e d .

4a

M a ^ t i r N S ? L a w s o h - r P r i v a t e S e c r e t a r y t o

H R H T h e P r i n c e s s A n n e , M r s M a r k P h i l l i p s

N i c h o l a s M o r t o n E s q

IMPERIAL COLLEGE

UNION GENERAL MEETING

TO BE HELD ON 26TH JANUARY, 1982

IN THE GREAT HALL AT 1,OOPM.

A G E N D A

1. Minutes of the Last Meeting.

2. Matters A r i s i n g from the Minutes

3. President's Business.

4. Deputy President's Business.

5. Honorary Secretary's Business.

6. CCU Reports.

7. Other O f f i c e r s ' Reports.

8. By-Law Changes.

9. Motions.

DEPUTY PRESIDENT'S REPORT.

Just a b r i e f l i s t of things I've spent money on:

Piano £2635

Concert H a l l Dressing Rooms £701

Lower Lounge Tables £135

Garage f o r Piano £20

Locks and Keys £550

JCR Furniture £500

Dinner with J i l l £ 18

C u r r i e s etc. approx. £30

S t i l l to come:-

Gym Floor and Lockers Southside Lounge Carpet Noticeboards

Union Gents T o i l e t s - Showers!

Don't worry, I w i l l not l e t you down:

PRESIDENT'S REPORT•

QEC.

The r e v i s e d d r a f t Staternent of Intent which met with general approval at the Emergency UGM was passed by our Board of Governors. However, i t was r e j e c t e d by QEC 1s equivalent body. Negotiations are continuing.

I have written to the Vice-Chancellor of the. U n i v e r s i t y seeking assurances on o v e r a l l student numbers etc.

Overseas Students Fees.

We have been given an i d e a l opportunity to p u b l i c i s e the f i n a n c i a l problems faced by overseas students. The Union i s making a half-hour TV programme f o r BBC 2's Open Door series, I have set up a small committee to co-ordinate production but would anybody who f e e l s they have something useful to o f f e r towards the programme please see me.

Ref e c t o r i e s .

The Hoiland Club Refectory operation has been closed down. I am i n t e r e s t e d to know whether or not the Holland Club w i l l take on t h e i r own c a t e r i n g .

The hours of s e r v i c e i n many r e f e c t o r i e s have changed and these have been reported i n F e l i x .

The Southside Refectory i s to move downstairs and at the time of w r i t i n g work i s under way to improve the Lower Refectory. This move w i l l put the ou t l e t nearer the kitchen and should improve the q u a l i t y of the food.

The s t y l e of s e r v i c e i n the r e f e c t o r i e s has changed. The Buttery has a co l d meat and salad bar and a g r e a t l y increased range of sandwiches. The innovat ions were l a r g e l y i n response to the survey so we hope they w i l l prove popular. Souths]de s e r v i c e should also change o f f e r i n g both " f a s t food" and "meat and two veg" type meal. The Union and Sherfie,Id Main w i l l not change g r e a t l y but we are hoping for an improvemeut i n q u a l i t y , agai n in response to survey r e s u l t s .

If any of these changes do not take place, l e t me or Marco know e i t h e r d i r e c t l y or through the Suggest ions and Complaints box. We s t i l l r e l y on student feed-back

BARS.

A major refurbishment of the bar counter area i n Southside i s t aking place. The operation i s being financed through brewery loans. Most of the work should have been done over the vacation - the f i t t i n g company using the excuse of bad weather f o r not doing so. I can only apologise f o r any inconvenience caused and hope that the end r e s u l t i s worth­while .

E l e c t i o n s (Ho, Ho!)

It i s t r a d i t i o n a l for the President at t h i s time of year to o f f e r to discuss the job with people f o o l enough to want to Ho the job next year. So, budding hacks out there, see me i f you are considering standing. The job i s open to any member of the Union so give the matter some thought. Marco has d e t a i l s of the actual e l e c t i o n procedure.

HONORARY SECRETARY'S REPORT.

The Blue Book.

The Blue Book contains the C o n s t i t u t i o n s and Standing Orders of the Union Committees and also the Union By-Laws. These are always being changed from year to year and the Book needs to be r e g u l a r l y updated. In the past the Book was published each year and had to by typed out from scratch on s t e n c i l s and gestetnered.

I am i n the process of t r y i n g to get the Book put on a word processor which would make a l t e r a t i o n s much simpler and updated copies could be run o f f at any time. Word processor f a c i l i t i e s are a v a i l a b l e i n College but there are no s t a f f a v a i l a b l e to do the actual work of typing the Book i n . If there i s anyone i n t e r e s t e d i n lea r n i n g how to use a word processor at a cost of a few hours typing w i l l they please contact me i n the Union O f f i c e .

I n t e r n a t i o n a l Conference of Students of Technology.

This years INCOST was due to be held i n Poland and plans were s t i l l going ahead up u n t i l the onset of m a r t i a l law. Since then no news has been heard and i t seems u n l i k e l y now that the conference w i l l be held there. A l t e r n a t i v e plans are going ahead to t r y and set up the conference i n Sweden. We wi11 be sending a delegation of students where-ever the venue. So anyone who wants to go should come and see me and I ' l l give them further information.

B Y - L A W C H A N G E S

BY-LAW CHANGE.

Proposed by: N. Morton. Seconded by: M. Ledwold.

By-Law 14.

Insert c) and r e l e t t e r : -

An Emergency General Meeting s h a l l be c a l l e d by the President as he sees f i t or on re c e i p t by him of a. p e t i t i o n signed by not le s s than 150 f u l l members. In the l a t t e r case the meeting s h a l l be held w i t h i n three weeks of rec e i p t of the p e t i t i o n . A l l such meetirigs s h a l l require only seven days notice and s h a l l discuss only the emergency motion(s), d e t a i l s of which s h a l l be posted on a l l Union Noticeboards.

BY-LAW CHANGE.

4. a) Delete 'ULU Representative'.

5. c) Delete 'ULU Representative'.

M O T I O N S

MOTION ON GRANTS.

ICU Notes:

Proposed by: Seconded by:

Martin Taylor Nick Morton.

1. That the government plans to increase student grants by only 4% next year, to £1900 for students i n London 1iving away from home.

2. That in addition the parental c o n t r i b u t i o n s w i l l not be adjusted to take account of i n f l a t i o n , meaning a large increase i n the amount parents w i l l be expected to contribute and taking many more parents over the earnings l i m i t for the f i r s t time.

3. That about 75% of students who should receive a parental c o n t r i b u t i o n do not receive the f u l l amount from t h e i r parents and consequently have to l i v e on l e s s than the f u l l grant.

ICU B e l i e v e s :

1. That i d e a l l y a l l students should receive a f u l l grant, and that the government should be moving i n the d i r e c t i o n of reducing parental c o n t r i b u t i o n s rather than increasing them.

2. That an increase of only 4% would anyway t o t a l l y f a i l to maintain the value of the grant.

ICU Resolves:

1. Not to go on ' s t r i k e ' .

2. To campaign for the b e l i e f s above.

ICU I n s t r u c t s :

The President and E.A.O, to take every opportunity to further the b e l i e f s above, i n conjunction with the U n i v e r s i t y of London Union and other Student Unions.

NEXT UGM

TO BE HELD ON 4TH MARCH, 1982

IN THE GREAT HALL AT 1.00PM.

DEADLINE FOR MOTIONS TO APPEAR IN FELIX 12.30 THURSDAY 18TH FEBRUARY.

Thurs 27th Jan

To celebrate the

opening of the new-

style Southside Bar

Reduced price ale

Bar snacks

Live entertainment

IC Radio Roadshow

Dress: Victorian

ISLAMIC WEEK

The Creator and His Creation 1

Theory

It has only been In the last hundred or so years that scien­tists have been able to theorise with any authority about the origins of the earth and life on It. That Is, In effect, only "yester­day", If the history of mankind Is thought of as having spanned a single year.

And their discoveries have revolutionized Western man's conceptions—so that he is no longer in awe of the untamed natural world around him, and is even sceptical as to existence of a Supreme Being. Thus he con­siders it unnecessary to submit himself to the will of God (except in a most limited and perfunctory way on a Sunday). For all the earth's greatest mysteries have been reduced by the scientists to a material—rational cause and effect which neutralizes the necessity to submit oneself in fear and hope to any divinity.

Reasoning

We Muslims believe, and can prove using the valued "reason­ing" employed by the sciences, that Western man's complacency with regard to the Supreme Being, God, is based upon a complete misinterpretation of the facts about the universe which have been discovered. Further­more, it is due to the unwarranted egoism which resulted from the advances in scientific knowledge.

If one were to ask a scientist to opine about how our universe, our earth and the life upon it came into being; his answer would be that the consensus of opinion has it as follows:

Billion BC

"Billions of years ago our universe was a single piece of matter, there was then a Big Bang in the centre of this lump: the result of which was that a lot of energy was produced. This coagulated into the stars, which then them­selves gave birth to the heavier elements. Thus our solar system came into being as well as other galaxies. Since there was no res is tance in s p a c e to that primordial momentum generated by the explosion, the stars and the planets remained in regular orbits."

Note the materialist cause and effect that excludes the notion of Supreme Being or Creator or God.

Biology

Similarly, if we were to ask the biologists about the origins of life on earth, he would reply that the latest scientific techniques have enabled scientists to hypothesise with some authority that all life evolved from water. Thus (to> precis the most consistantly expounded theory): In the young primeval a t m o s p h e r e of the earth there were a lot of elements like carbon, oxygen and nitrogen

f loating about along with a tremendous amount of electrical activity. It is thought that the combination of these with the "Primeval Soup" lying around the rocks and oceans of the young earth, produced iife; the primeval matter in the sea generating the protoplasm out of which came the amoeba and then all living things.

Both theories: of the origin of the universe and origin of life on the earth are regarded as scien­tific "fact" in the West, and indeed is taught as such in schools. The biblical account of creation in Genesis is considered a myth and the onus is on the believers in God to prove the rationality of their faith—something they have hitherto failed to do.

In Islam there is no dichotomy between faith and reason; thus to us it seems that the scientists of the West have not in the past hundred or so years discovered anything new about the universe that undermines a belief in God, in fact it is just the opposite; they have at this late stage merely confirmed what God revealed of his creation to mankind 1400 years ago.

How? Well, if one was to ask the astronomers who know so much about the universe's origins whether it would have been possible for an illiterate Arab living over 1400 years ago in the A r a b i a n Desert to know his scientific facts about the universe,

he would retort in the negative with some vehemence. Yet look at what Muhammed (peace be upon him), born in 570AD was saying under the inspiration of God:

"Do not the Unbelievers (aetheists and agnostics) see,

That the Heavens and the Earth Were joined together (as one unit

of creation) Before we clove them asunder."

(from the Koran/the Prophets)

and:

"And it is He (God) who created, the Night and the Day, the Sun and the Moon All move along; each in its orbit."

(from Koran/The Prophets)

And again, with regard to the origins of life on the earth, the biologists whose theories about the origins of life are regarded as fact, would not credit it that some­one living over 1400 years ago would know what he knows only now; yet M u h a m m e d (upon whom be peace) said under the inspiration of God:

"And We made from water

Every living thing

Will they then not believe?"

(Koran/Prophets)

and:

"O Mankind

If you are in doubt concerning the Resurrection,

We created you from dust then from a drop of seed then from a clot then from a iittle lump of flesh,

shapely and shapeless that we may make it clear for you And We cause what We will to

remain

In the womb for an appointed time."

(Koran/The Pilgrimage)

Thus we can see that scientists, have at this late stage merely confirmed what God revealed of his creation to man all those 1400 years ago. Thus there is no warrant for the scepticism about a divinity brought on in the West by these scientific theories rather than the logical conclusion to be drawn from the theories is that Author and Prime Mover of the Big Bang and the Water from which we came into being is worthy of our submission and praise. For otherwise we would have to accept the preposterous implications of the scientists' theories: that random Chance Operation was the lynchpin that instigated our universe.

"Life" whatever your opinion of it, must be self-replicating—be able to reproduce itself over and , over again. DNA is the basis of life and is an incredibly compli­cated structure, a double helix with millions of atoms arranged in a special code of four letters. Consider the complexities of D N A ' s s e l f - r e p l i c a t i o n — u n ­winding, its intricate form to divide into two seperate indivi­duals which then each find exact replicas to attach themselves to in what has been called a "zipping up" operation. This being pos­sible because there was a yet more infinitesimally intricate process at work, instigated by the catalyst enzymes acting as a "biomachine" for the DNA. So intricate and infinitely complex are the forces at the basis of life—yet we are asked this was the product of a random process, without external inspiration!

It is not an exaggeration to say that it is like being asked to accept that a tornado blowing through a scrapyard could pro­duce a typewriter in whose carriage was a full instruction sheet describing how to make another typewriter. And not only that but the tornado produced all the tools essential to make that typewriter!!

Surely this is too improbable and has to be dismissed. Then there is the Sir Fred Hoyle theory that evolution commenced in deep s p a c e and then genes showered onto the earth mixed with the primeval soup to start life. Sir Fred claims that a super intelligent computer in deep space planning, executing and controlling all life. If that is so who designed and made that computer in deep space. For a Muslim the answer is easy, it is

"God there is no God but He, the living, the self-subsisting eternal. No slumber can cease Him nor sleep. His are all things in the Heavens and the Earth. None can intercede in His presence except as He wills. He knows what appears to His creatures in the past, present and future. None can encompass. His knowledge except as He wills. His throne does extend over the Heavens and the Earth and He feels no fatigue in guarding and pre­serving it, for He is the most High, the Supreme in Glory.

Al-Koran (ll;255)

I S L A M I C W E E K P R O G R A M M E

O F E V E N T S

Monday, January 25

Introductory Talk on Islam, 6:00pm, ME542.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • I k -

Tuesday, January 26

The Brandt Report: An Islamic Perspective, 1:15, 542.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • i t *

Wednesday, January 27

Bookstall , J C R , 1:00-2:30pm.

Thursday, January 28

English Muslims, 1:15pm, ME542

Friday, January 29

Films: Afghanistan and Eritrea, 6:00pm, ME542.