HOW TO TALK WELL IN FRONT OF PEOPLE

Presenting yourself in front of others can make or break your image. With the thought of first impression being the lasting impression, it's vital to know how to talk in front of people with professionalism.

Things You'll Need:

Network meetings Voice/Video recorder T.V Mirror

1. Step 1

First and foremost, try to understand how you were perceived through your close collegues/friends. It can be little embarrassing to ask your peers about how you are with your communication skills , but true friends can tell you with candor. If that's not an option, use video camera to record yourself talking about any subject that you have a knowledge in. Review your tape and dictate on how you were seeing through the monitor.

2. Step 2

You'll be amazed by how you were seen through monitoring yourself. There will be lots of flaws that you'll see and wonder "is that how I am when I talk?". Take down notes on how you can improve yourself in front of others. Listen to the tone of your voice, the content in which you speak and last but certainly not the least, your facial expression and your gestures.

3. Step 3

One of the most effective way to improve yourself is to learn from the ones who are judged by the delivery of their communication. You can easily see them on T.V. To name a few; News Anchors, reporters and talk show hosts on T.V are mainly judged by deliverance skills. Everyone has their pitch and weaknesses. Study them and try to implement that to yourself. You can see that everyone has a neat presentation of deliverance by keeping their words in clear and direct pronunciation, using the right gestures on right time and always being confident.

It's been proven through many studies that when people judge your communication skills, only 30% was determined through the words that you choose and staggering 70% is from nonverbal communication.

HOW TO CONQUER A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

Conquer a Fear of Public Speaking

Fear of public speaking is one of the most common phobias. Most people, as many as 75%, are terrified by the thought of getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk.

Does your stomach twist into knots at the mere thought of speaking in public? The fear of public speaking can hold you back in your career as well as in social situations. But you do not have to let a fear of public speaking stop you. Here is how you can conquer your fear of public speaking and speak with confidence in any situation.

1. Step 1

Know your material. The more comfortable you are with the talk you are going to present, the more relaxed and natural your presentation will be. Never read your speech. You may wish to use cards or an outline with your major points to keep you on track, but know your speech well.

2. Step 2

Dress comfortably and appropriately. Your attire should be at or one level above that of your audience. Do not dress down. Make sure your shoes and clothes fit properly. If your shoes are too tight or your clothes do not fit, you will be distracted and fidget. Do not wear jewelry that is noisy or that might bump against your microphone. And remove keys and change from your pockets so you do not jingle them during your talk.

3. Step 3

Arrive early. Being familiar with the room and the audio visual equipment will remove some stress. Take the opportunity to scope out the room and make sure the equipment is working properly. Test the microphone. Will you be using visuals? Get everything set up and learn how to operate the projector remote.

4. Step 4

Greet people as they arrive. Learn their names and get to know some of them. It will be easier to talk to people you know than a room full of strangers.

5. Step 5

Make sure you have a glass of water available at the podium. Use it if your throat gets dry, or if you just need to pause for a second to compose your thoughts and relax.

6. Step 6

Do not drink alcohol or carbonated sodas before your speech. You may think a drink or two will calm you and help your performance, but it will not. And carbonated sodas can lead to unusual sounds being emitted during your speech. Stick with water (preferably without ice) or warm tea.

7. Step 7

Take a deep breath before you start your speech. If you find yourself getting nervous or flustered during your speech, stop for a moment and take another deep breath. It will calm you. Really.

8. Step 8

Remember that the audience wants you to succeed. They are spending their time (and possibly money) to hear you. They want you to be good, and because of that they will be inclined to think the best of you.

9. Step 9

Speak to individuals in the audience. Find the people you spoke to earlier, or other friendly faces, and make eye contact with them while you speak. You are not speaking to a crowd, you are just having a nice talk with Fred and Ethel.

10. Step 10

Speak in public every chance you get. The best way to overcome a fear of public speaking is to practice. Join Toastmasters, where you can speak often in front of a supportive and helpful audience.

HOW TO GET RID OF THE FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

The fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia in the medical industry, and is the most common fear people have. Getting rid of the fear of public speaking can help you get ahead in your career. Not conquering the fear of public speaking can be debilitating and can hold you back in life and in your career.

1. Step 1

Join Toastmasters. Find a Toastmasters club in your area and attend a meeting. After you go to a meeting you can sign up to become a member of Toastmasters. This organization helps people become more comfortable communicators through weekly meetings where members practice communicating in a group setting. This practice can help you become more comfortable with public speaking.

2. Step 2

Practice your presentation as soon as you have it written. Practice in front of a mirror (and then a wall) wearing what you plan to wear the day of your presentation. Make it realistic. Imagine a group of people before you listening to you speak. Time your speech. Practicing in front of the mirror will help you keep your head up and be aware of your posture and expressions. Practicing in front of a wall will help you focus on your presentation without distractions.

3. Step 3

Record yourself practicing your presentation. Listen to yourself giving the speech. What can you work on? Do you sound confident? Does your speech need to be reworded in any area? Recording yourself will help you hear your presentation the way the audience will.

4. Step 4

Memorize what you need to say, whether it is a speech or presentation. Know your material. Have the full text and key points available during your presentation just in case. You shouldn't need to look at them that much. Practice until you can give the presentation without forgetting anything. This will help ease the fear of public speaking.

5. Step 5

If possible go to the place where you will give your speech. Do this for any presentation you need to do. Just like in front of the mirror, wear what you plan to wear on your presentation day. Give your presentation as you would if there were an audience there. On your presentation day you should feel more comfortable speaking in public.

6. Step 6

Interact with your audience. Ask a question or for a raise of hands on something related to your speech. Make a good joke and laugh with the audience. It will help loosen you up. Welcome questions during your presentation. You're not alone up there.

HOW TO OVERCOME PUBLIC SPEAKING FEAR OR PHOBIA

Overcome Public Speaking Fear or Phobia

Learning to overcome a fear or phobia of public speaking is important for your career. Take the time to utilize these tips and tricks to get past your fear of become an effective public speaker!

Things You'll Need:

Fear or phobia of public speaking Willingness to take a chance

1. Step 1

The first step to overcoming a fear of public speaking is to know what you are talking about. This involves learning your speech through and through. Notice that I did not say memorizing your speech through and through. If you attempt to memorize every word you are more likely to freeze up as there are more things to remember.

2. Step 2

Instead of memorizing every word of your speech, instead try to remember a general outline of your speech. Visualize each paragraph of your speech as an outline with several points underneath it. You should also have a print out or note cards of such an outline and it should look something like this:

General welcome- Story about first coming to campus- Thank students/faculty for attending- Goal of today is deciding budget

Based on these general talking points, you can generate sentences that will vary each time you practice/deliver your speech but will have the same effect. Overcoming a fear of public speaking is all about KNOWING your speech, not memorizing it.

3. Step 3

Next, continue to rehearse your speech and then rehearse some more, using the outline. If you make a mistake while rehearsing, don't start over. Imagine you are actually delivering your speech and try to overcome or correct the mistake.

4. Step 4

Now after rehearsing on your own to the point that you feel confident in the speech, deliver it in front of another person. Public speaking in front of even one person is a world of difference compared to doing it in the shower.

5. Step 5

Throughout all of this, if possible, do a run of your speech at the actual forum or location where you will deliver it. If it's at a school or wedding reception, it probably won't be difficult to gain access a day before or even the day of before everyone arrives. This will help to eliminate any fear of not knowing what the venue for your public speaking is going to be.

6. Step 6

Mow imagine everyone in their underwear. Weird isn't it? Now put their clothes back on, I never found this to be helpful.

7. Step 7

Finally, be confident in yourself. What's the worst that can happen? So you flub a line or two, you have your note cards or outline in front of you to get you on track. Make a small joke about a mispronunciation and move on. The audience wants you to do well and will not be critical of small mistakes.

Fear of public speaking is all in your mind. Overcoming it is just a matter of preparation and confidence.

HOW TO LOSE YOUR FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

A fear of public speaking can limit your career and make certain projects, presentations and meetings difficult. Public speaking is always listed at the top of the list of fears of the general public, and it is extremely common. To get past a fear of public speaking, there are a several things to think about to give yourself the confidence you need.

1. Step 1

Prepare your speech in advance and practice it often. If you are well prepared and feel confident in what you have to say, you may not feel as frightened to speak in front of a group.

2. Step 2

Believe that the people you are speaking to are wishing you well. If you tell yourself again and again that everyone in the audience wants you to succeed and is standing behind what you say, you will not be as afraid. Part of the fear of public speaking is believing that the audience is somehow against you. Instead, believe in the audience and believe that they are all rooting for you.

3. Step 3

Set up footlights if possible. If you have any control over the set up, having footlights that face you will make the audience virtually invisible to you while you are on stage. Not being able to see the faces of the audience is often very calming to a public speaker. It can allow you to give the speech you practiced without worrying about the audience's reaction. Your public speaking fear can take a back seat to the speech that you want to present.

HIGH SCHOOL STUDY TIPS: HOW TO MEMORIZE KEY POINTS FOR EXAMS

High school students can sometimes find themselves in a rut if they have not retained information. Although their minds should be attentive and focused in class, many students fail to take the next step that involves actual retainment of newly gained knowledge. Memorizing key points for an exam, however, is not that difficult to do if you follow the tips below:

1. The first step always takes place in the classroom. If you are not taking good notes, then you will not be able to remember the important parts of your notes, or you cannot study properly. To make sure that you are taking good notes, you should:

- Use separate notebooks or divided parts of your binder to take notes for each class. The notebooks should also be set up: number all of the pages, leaving the first five pages blank so that you can write down a table of contents. If you are using a binder with dividers, use a separate sheet of paper to write a table of contents for each section.

- Using a ruler, every night before you go to bed you should prepare your notebook for class. Use the ruler to make a line from the top of the page to the bottom. It should separate 1/3 of the page from the other 2/3. Do this

for at least five pages. The 1/3 part of the page will be reserved for your after-class questions and "home notes," while the 2/3 will be used for your class notes.

- Be active when you use your notes. Ask questions when you go over your notes, and write them in the 1/3 part of the page.

2. Use flash cards

Flash cards have always been the foundation of many good academic projects. Even if you need to study for math or science, you can use flash cards to help you memorize the key points of your notes. Once you have gone over all of your notes, go over them again but write down the key points on to flash cards.

3. Ask someone to test you

After having gone over your flash cards at least five times, ask someone to test you. Have them write up a test, and then do it. Then, have them test you again using the flash cards. Then, finally, have them ask you questions using your notes.

The more that you are active with your notes, the more you will be able to memorize them. And, not only that, but you will retain the information instead of simply memorizing it for one test.

HOW TO MEMORIZE NOTES FOR A TEST

Every student eventually has to face the task of taking a test. While some students may glide right through, others may struggle and have trouble when the time comes. If you take the time and plan it right, you can memorize notes for a test and by the time the test comes, you could be getting an "A" in no time.

Difficulty: EasyInstructions

1. Step 1

Before you even crack open the book, you need to be in the right environment to be able to study. Try to eliminate any distractions, especially electronics that may cause you to deviate from your studying.

2. Step 2

If you like a little music to help relax you when you are studying then you should play tracks that have no lyrics, you may find yourself singing or listening along.

3. Step 3

Also try to avoid studying in your bed because your body naturally gets into a rest mode in your bed and you may easily find yourself sleepy as you try to study.

4. Step 4

Even though you may have notes already, note taking again will help you learn and process the information more. Copy a line or two from the textbook or existing notes and then read them over. It may sound like a long process, but you will begin a flow and the studying will be over before you know it.

5. Step 5

Use memory tricks like giving words different meanings. For example if you are studying the first three months, January, February, and March, you could help remember the names and orders by making a sentence like Jimmy Feeds Mice. If it is something catchy or unusual, then you can recall that information for the test.

6. Step 6

Take breaks every half hour and refresh yourself. You do not want to overload yourself with so much information that you lose track, so take a short break, briefly go over what you just did and then begin new notes.

7. Step 7

Repeat things multiple times until you can recall them without looking down. Do this by sentence or definition, because repeating a whole paragraph would take way too long and not make much sense.

8. Step 8

Once you feel like you have got the material down, quiz yourself or have somebody quiz you on the material. Find your weak spots and continue to study them until you feel confident about the test.

HOW TO MEMORIZE DEFINITIONS FOR A TEST (BEST TRICK!)

Memorization, for some it comes easy, for others it can be a great challenge. Here is one technique that will not let you down. This exercise forces the brain to really think about the words you are memorizing. Its a bit like a rendition of the game Memory except with words and not pictures. This trick is so much better than the traditional note card technique of memorizing and challenges the brain in much more interactive way. Enjoy this trick and good luck on your test!

Things You'll Need:

Notecards Pen

Step 1

Write the word you need to define on one notecard and the definition on another (this is a pair). Do this for each word on your list.

Step 2

On the back of each pair of notecards write the same #. The first pair of cards will have "1" on the back, the next pair of cards will have "2" on their back, etc..

Step 3

Shuffle then aline all the word cards in front of you in rows of 5 or 6. Hold all the definition cards in your hand.

Step 4

The exercise now starts. Read the definition on the first card. Look at the word cards in front of you to find its match.

Step 5

Put the definition card on top of the word that you you believe matches the definition.

Step 6

Do this with all of the definition cards.

Step 7

Once all of the cards have a match, take a look at the backs of your pairs and see if the numbers match up correctly.

Step 8

Keep playing the game until all your pairs match up correctly.

TEXTBOOK TIPS: 5 WAYS TO MEMORIZE YOUR TEXTBOOK

Even in the age of Web 2.0, we could see that the college textbook still tops the list of essential student resources. Course syllabi depend on textbook content and professors continue to rely on textbooks to formulate their lectures. You have probably seen this first hand while taking classes. Understanding and utilizing the course textbook is one of the first study tips you’ll hear in the course of your classes, even more than any kind of exam preparation.

Of course, getting a copy wouldn’t be enough. You have to read the textbook, study its contents, and retain the information so that you could apply it to your studies; otherwise, it will just be a quaint paper weight on your table. Do you have a problem tackling this massive task? Here are 5 ways to help you work with your textbook and remember what you read.

Textbook tip #1: Get dirty – write on your textbook

Though textbooks are essentially print material meant to be read, doing so alone wouldn’t help you to master its contents. Do away with the thought that a textbook should be kept pristine – a clean textbook is an unused textbook. Write on its pages, doodle around its edges, and highlight away. Mark the passages that interest you and circle the important terms and jargon. Add your own illustrations. Use your textbook just like you’ll be using your notebook as a way to summarize your ideas and articulate your thinking.

Textbook tip #2: Do the textbook exercises first

Chapter exercises were designed to test a student’s knowledge about the material that is read, but did you know that it could also be used the other way around? Rather than doing the exercises at the end of the chapter, you could try to answer the chapter exercises before you even begin reading the actual contents. Doing so will help you become more familiar with the topics. The questions also act as a focusing device that helps you note the most important information in the chapter. Pencil in your answers daily and you’ll suddenly find yourself able to weather the occasional pop quiz.

Textbook tip #3: Browse the chapter summaries

With the same principle as doing the chapter exercises first, reading the chapter summaries also offer the same benefits to the student. These summaries usually emphasize the most important points of the chapter and draw your attention to terms and important themes that you should be familar with. By doing this, you will find yourself not only being able to prepare for an exam, but also having a strong understanding of the course topic.

Textbook tip #4: Connect lecture notes to the textbook

Since we already know that teachers use the class textbook in their lectures, it would be quite beneficial to tie the lecture notes and textbook content together. After taking notes from a lecture session, go back to your textbook and mark the areas of the text that were discussed during the lecture. Pencil in explainations, thoughts, and ideas. When something is mentioned in the lecture but not in the textbook, be sure to make note of it because it must be important. If a professor chooses to talk about it, it most likely will be on the next test. Going through this process of connecting the lecture with the textbook contents will help you memorize all the necessary information with less effort.

 Textbook tip #5: Write a lecture

After you’ve studied the textbook and played around with it a bit, the best way to truley master the knowledge you gained is to bring it to the next level. Writing a mock lecture or composing a short book for a five year-old would really challenge your understanding of the subject matter. If you are short on time, you could do the writing in your head and this mental workout will not only help you recall the information, but it will also ‘cement’ your understanding  for a gratifying grade.

STUDY TIPS: HOW TO READ A TEXTBOOK

When was the last time you really read your textbook? Do you read the table of contents? Do you only open your textbook when there are assigned exercises in it? Or are you the type who read it from cover to cover?

If the above descriptions are similar to how you use your textbook then you’re in for a big surprise. Just to be clear: a textbook is not a novel that is to be read from cover to cover. It’s also not an exercise book (unless it’s explicitly stated in the title, that is). Also, though it’s a good habit to browse the table of contents, that isn’t enough to get the most out of textbook reading. What we need is a sure-fire way of maximizing textbook reading, one that helps out in ways to manage study time, and coincide with easy study tops that keep you focused. If you want to know how to really read a textbook, follow the following steps:

Step 1: Choose a chapter.

Of course, it’s suggested that you choose a chapter for advanced reading, but in this case, any chapter would do: the chapter you’re currently studying in class or the chapter your doing examination preparation for later.

Step 2: Answer the chapter exercises.

Yes, that’s accurate. Instead of doing the exercises last, you try to answer the chapter exercises given what you know and what you could figure out. The logic behind this tactic can be explained by one of engaging interest. Most people recall the actual content of a course if they are given time to form their own opinions or understanding first before checking if what they did was correct. The point of the exercise is not really the actual answers to the chapters (though they may help), but to engage your thinking about the subject matter.

Step 3: Read the outline for the chapter.

Chapters would most certainly have outlines or a chapter-specific table of contents at its beginning. Refer to this outline after you’ve answered and corrected the chapter exercises. At this point, try to figure out the logic behind the chapter structure. Ponder on the chapter sequence and the actual outline; try to remember which topic goes under another, or is next to it.

Step 4: Read the chapter summary.

Read the chapter summary after you’ve done your initial analysis of the above two sections of the chapter. The chapter summary usually has an integrative story, a list of terms and their definitions, and a walkthrough of the chapter content. We always think that the chapter summary is meant to recap all the things that were discussed in the chapter – and it does, mind you – but it could also be used to give us a more-than-useful glimpse of the chapter we will be studying.

Step 5: Read the chapter.

After reading the above sections, you’re finally ready to tackle the actual content. You’ll find that it’s a lot easier to read the chapter because you have an advanced knowledge of what you’ll be tackling. Try to remember the chapter exercises and figure out why they were explicitly asked in the chapter. Recall the chapter outline while you’re reading, and connect the chapter content to the chapter summary that you’ve already read.

Step 6: Answer the chapter exercises again.

Go back to the exercises. Find it easy? Well, you already know why.

STUDY TIPS: STUDY BETTER WITH THESE 5 SMART STUDY TIPS

We realized that productivity tips for college students wouldn’t be enough. As the case is, it’s not just about studying longer or devoting more hours poring over the books – there are smarter ways to pick up knowledge and learn faster. Even though you could memorize your textbook, or cram your exam preparation, the trick really is to study smarter. Here are 5 ways to increase your study IQ:

1. Discover patterns and associations in what you’re studying

As seen in the movies, conspiracy theorists usually rely on a visual framework to work out the patterns and associations that they could see between different sources. Scenes with newspaper clippings plastered on the walls and red thread connecting one to another are particularly mainstream, depicting visual associations. Of course, doing this in this manner would be crazy for a college student, but the principle stays the same. Work out patterns, sequences, and associations between your notes, lecture notes, and reading material and use these as a basis for remembering the content. Simply said, every idea or piece of information should be connected to another, and the process of discovery makes it a smarter way to study.

2. Study – then write a song about it

Or write a mock essay, do a video – just about anything that will make you create something out of all the content that you’ve studied. The process of creation helps you not only to study smarter, it holds your attention in  a way that engages you many times more than just reading your textbook.

3. Share the concepts you’ve been studying about

Though classroom discussions are good venues for students to air out their concerns, there are other ways in which ideas could be exchanged. In the ancient times, the “in” thing to do was to go to a marketplace and talk to the resident philosopher or elder, but now we have the Internet to go to. Join online communities and forums which deal with the subjects you’re studying and co-create ideas with the other members. It’s not only a smart study tip but also an interesting way to get to know more people.

4. Study – then teach it to another person

Another smart study tip is to teach the content that you’re studying. Find someone who doesn’t know anything about the topic and then teach the subject as concisely as possible. Doing this exercise helps you organize your thoughts and put something into your own words, a process by which you become more familiar with the content ten-fold. With the same objective in mind, you could also write down a mock lecture of the subject for a young child. For example, you could figure out a way to explain the economic recession to a 5-year old.

5. Use analogies

Jean Piaget (a popular psychologist and philosopher) explained that we relate ideas either by assimilating concepts that we don’t know into things already know or by accommodating what we know to something that is new. For example, for a child who is only beginning to understand the concept “dog”, he may have started to assimilate every four-legged animal as a “dog” (even it it’s a cat or a goat) before finally accommodating each kind of animal (or in this case, that a cat, a goat, and a dog are three different animals). Though we may see it as wrong at the start, we have to realize that it’s our brain’s way of remembering concepts. Thinking of something as “just like” another creates a point for one to check and analyze in the future, making it a smart study tip that could save you more time.

HIGH SCHOOL TIPS: HOW TO PREPARE FOR EXAMS

Test scores become more important in high school than they were in earlier grades. Tests such as the ACT or SAT can determine the future of a student. Tests in the classroom can determine if a student passes or fails the class and ultimately if they graduate. Preparing for an important test begins the first day of school and continues right up to answering the first question.

Knowlege Preparation

Tests may be scheduled or pop quizes and the best way to be prepared is to keep up with the work in the class. Homework should be completed as assigned. Review any errors with the teacher, a parent or a tutor as necessary to ensure that you understand the subject completely. Some subjects may required additional learning tools to remember the information. Flash cards can be used for vocabulary in science or math classes. Mnemonics can be used in a variety of classes to help students remember a specific fact. or date  An example is the phrase "Kitty Put Cat litter in Fido's Ground Steak" which can be used to remember the scientific classifications of Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Family, Genus and species. Some facts can be put to music to help remember them. A widely known example are the Schoolhouse Rock cartoons of the 1970's.  Study with friends or a partner and help each other learn the material. Sometimes the act of having to explain something to another person will help you learn it better yourself.

When a test is scheduled review all of the material the night before and concentrate on any items you aren't sure of. Have someone drill you on facts by asking possible test questions. Trying to cram information into your brain at the last minute is not the most effective way of studying for a test.

Physical Preparation

Make sure you have a good night's sleep before an important test. The mind functions better when fully rested. Eat a healthy breakfast so your body can focus on thinking and you are not distracted with hunger. Avoid drinking pop or coffee right before the test as the caffeine may cause your body to become agitated and prevent you from focusing on the  test. Take a few deep breaths before beginning to help focus on the subject.

Taking the Test

Many students have trouble with tests because they are nervous about being timed or don't feel they know the material. Learning a few test taking techniques can help anyone do better on a test. In high school most tests are still multiple choice to allow the teachers to more easily make corrections.

When taking a multiple choice test read each question completely and choose the correct answer. If you do not know the answer SKIP THE QUESTION. This is a very important skill that is overlooked by many students. Many tests will ask the same question in several different ways during the length of the exam. When you do not know the answer to a question, skip it and you may find the question asked in a different way later on. You may remember the answer at that time or be able to figure it out by comparing the possible responses to the two questions. Skipping unknown questions will also improve the overall score of a timed test, since the more questions you answer the better your score. If you are stuck on question 3 and don't move on you will only get two possible right answers. This strategy of skipping unknown questions works on any type of test including essay and fill in the blank.

Once you have read and answered all of the questions you can go back to the beginning of the test and review the questions you skipped. You may remember the answers now and be able to choose the correct response. If you are still unsure of the answer narrow it down to two choices and guess. Often the way a questions is worded it is possible to narrow the choices to 2 possibilities. At that point you have a 50/50 chance of getting it correct.

Post Test Activities

Once the test has been completed, graded and returned you should review it. Verify you understand what you got wrong and why. Review that material again and then set it aside until the nest test.

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HOW TO MEMORIZE ANYTHING

In college, I memorized 7 chapters of my psychology textbook — over 23,000 words. Yes, I could actually recite the entire 7 chapters to anyone willing to listen.

Why did I do this? My professor had challenged me with two statements on the first day of class: 1) No student had ever aced his introductory exam; and 2) all the answers could be found in the first 7 chapters of the textbook.

Determined to be the first student to ace his test, I memorized all 7 chapters.

If you’re looking for a way to increase the capacity of your memory or pass a test, you don’t need to memorize 23,000 words. But the technique I used to memorize those chapters can be used to memorize anything. Below is the simpler version of my system, developed to help my pupils pass history, psychology, and other information-heavy tests.

1. First, use a pencil or word processor (I prefer the latter because it’s faster) to type, in complete sentences, any fact you think might appear on the test. Use short sentences because they’re easier to remember.

2. Take your printed notes into a quiet room, shut the door, and eliminate all distractions.3. Look at the first sentence in your notes and read it out loud. Then, close your eyes and say the

sentence without looking at it.4. Repeat the step above, this time with the first 2 sentences.5. Next, try it with 3 sentences. Then 4. Repeat until you have memorized every sentence in your notes.

After a study session, take a quick nap. New memories are very vulnerable, but studies have shown that sleep helps your new memories stick. After your nap, repeat the memory technique once more for maximum retention.

I eventually became so good at this technique that I could complete all my studying for any information heavy mid-term or final exam in less than 6 hours. Yes, I realize this sounds like a lot of time, but it’s not much time at all – because this technique works from a cold start, even if you haven’t cracked the book all semester.

I’m not saying you should ignore your classes until the last minute (please don’t — I rarely studied at the last minute myself), but it’s good to know there is a way to save yourself if you do.

This technique worked remarkably well; I graduated first in my class (with this being one tool in my toolbelt — not the entire belt).  

If your academic goals are more modest than mine, you can get by with less studying and fewer notes. Take breaks whenever fatigue sets in. Eat a snack. Have a glass of water. It helps.

Does it Really Work?

My memory technique isn’t the newest, the prettiest, or the most interesting technique on the market. But it has worked for me, my students, and even my wife, who claims to have the “worst memory in the world.”

Let’s be clear: Memorizing 23,000 words takes a long time, which is one reason why a pure stacking mechanism (as described above) can be greatly improved upon when you’re dealing with numbers that big.  But remember, this technique is optimized to help you memorize 5 or 6 pages worth of notes, not 7 entire chapters.     

My best advice is to try it for yourself.  

When it comes to memorization, it’s important to find a strategy that works for you, whether it’s mine, someone else’s, or your own. What I like about my technique is its simplicity and the quickness with which you can test it on yourself.

By the way, I did become the first person to ever score a 100% on my professor’s introductory exam, just in case you were wondering.

11 CAUSES AND CURES FOR PROCRASTINATION

I wanted to write an article on procrastination, but kept putting it off.

The irony is obvious, but what’s not obvious is why I put it off. So I’ll tell you why — because my life (like yours) is jammed full of responsibilities.

We juggle our jobs, children, marriages, aging parents, and household chores. We pay bills, do laundry, clean the house, and mow the lawn. We battle traffic, buy groceries, and negotiate with associates.

And in the midst of all this chaos, we convince ourselves that none of our varied obligations is so pressing as to require our time right now. In other words, procrastination’s short-term benefit is a feeling of control and peace. We tell ourselves, “I’ll do the laundry tomorrow. Right now, my life is right as rain, and I’m taking a break, thank you very much.”

So take a break. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to read a book, watch television, or chill in your favorite chair while the sun sets outside your beautiful picture window. Just be aware that the feel-good benefits of procrastination can quickly erode into panic.

You’re looking for the sweet spot between procrastination and frenzy, the magic pace at which the assembly line of your life runs smoothly.

Here are 11 common causes of procrastination and corresponding tips to help you find the pace you’re looking for:

Complicated-task anxiety: Break big, complicated tasks into smaller pieces. Complete a starter task, no matter how small.

Fear of imperfection: Accept that perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 rule whenever appropriate.

Indecision: Determine your decision-making criteria, then set a deadline for your decision. Ask a friend to hold you accountable.

Priority confusion: Distinguish obligations from options. What are you really responsible for? List and prioritize tasks.

Boredom from minutiae: Automate simple repetitive tasks whenever possible. Lack of focus: Minimize distractions. Check e-mail and voicemail only twice per day instead of every 5

minutes. Find a quiet room where you can concentrate. Resist the urge to keep taking breaks. Poor organizational skills: Clean your work area. Put tools and utensils in their proper place so you

can find them when you need them. Laziness: Remind yourself of the consequences of procrastination. Resist the urge to be a couch

potato. Try to complete several small tasks to provide a feeling of accomplishment. Reward yourself. Lack of energy: Maintain a regular sleep routine. Eat healthy. Exercise regularly. Do not skip breakfast. Early morning lag: Before you stop working each day, make a list of the tasks you want to begin first

thing the following morning so you can hit the ground running the next day. Post-lunch fatigue: Before leaving for lunch, make a list of the things you plan to do when you get back

so you can pick up where you left off. Avoid eating a heavy lunch.

In case you’re wondering, I kept putting off this article because I lacked focus. I finally decided to follow my own advice, shut my office door, stop checking email, and make myself write. As usual, starting was the hardest part.

By taking time to understand your own reasons for putting things off and devoting energy to moving forward, you too can beat procrastination.

HIGH SCHOOL TIPS: HOW TO PREPARE FOR EXAMS

There is nothing more important in high school then getting good grades. There is nothing easier for getting good grades then doing your work, and preparing well for tests. Seeing as tests are going to be the biggest influence on your grade in a class, you should try the best you can to prepare for your tests, and do so the right way. What are some good ways to prepare for the exams that you will take in your classes?

The biggest thing that you need to do is make sure that you take good notes in class, and that you paid attention. If you can get a good understanding of the concepts of what is being taught, you will have a good base for what you are going to do to prepare to study your notes. You might be able to remember that George Washington was a president, but what was he doing as the first president anyway? Remember that, and you will have no trouble remember the names.

Make sure that you go over the notes with your teacher if you feel like you need some clarification about anything. Most teachers will have some sort of study group the day before the test in class, or have some way to help you study in class. I remember I had one teacher who would actually go over the questions with us the day before class. There would be some variations in the questions the next day, but it was the same material that we needed to know.

Don't put all your study time into the night before the test. Make sure that you spend time studying for two, three, or perhaps five nights before the test. This allows you to spend less time each night studying, and allows you to focus on a few things at a time. This helps you ask better questions before the test, and it helps you to identify things that you might not understand as well. This helps you huge when you go to take the test, and you have spent more time on what you don't know, and less time on what you do know.

Know what your teacher likes when it comes to how you study. Does your teacher like multiple choice, essay, or something else? Should you focus on names, dates, or some other aspect of the unit? This helps you study what will be relevant on the test, and not just what is in the book. You can read the book a million times, and it won't matter if none of it is on the test.

Basically just be smart about your preparation. Know the material, and know what will be on the test. Know what your teacher likes to put on it, and work with the teacher to figure out what you should be thinking about as the test approaches. If you ask, your teacher will usually tell you what is going to be on the test, the format, and what notes to study. High school is easy if you are willing to put in the time before the test preparing for it.

TIPS ON PASSING HIGH SCHOOL EXAMS

Now we all already know... high school is a jungle, you may catch up into some bad things.. hang with bad cliques... but you may really think education comes first... well, its actually pretty true! if u receive a good education you can run your own business. i know, i know now your thinking what kind of tip is this, well keep on reading because its actually pretty good.

My name is Caroline Nicole and well im 13 i went on my high school retreat yesterday, it was kind of scary first i was excited moving to a new environment... then all of a sudden, it was appearing to be a scary jungle. then i thought to myself...if i can get a good education study hard, hang out only on weekends, then i can pass high school.

Then a brilliant idea came to mind! if i can overcome my fear i can finish high school, college/university! become a big master the #1.... then ill be owning the popular cliques that just chilled and lay ed back... i know i have my future fine and all lay ed out.. im the bus.. but do you?

STUDY TIPS : 5 EASY MEMORY TECHNIQUES

It has been said that the core of one’s personality lie in one’s memory. The seat of our experiences is better known by what we recall, and aspects of the future is made clear by what we remember today. On a practical note, we could see that memorization is the foundation of any educational task. Though we could find ways to make lecture notes more interesting, or personalize our education with learning styles, if we can’t have the capacity to memorize content then all will be for nothing. To start your quest for better memory, here are 5 easy memory techniques that you could try out:

Memory Technique #1: Scheduled Memory

Piotr Wozniak, a Polish memory researcher, devised a way for one to retain any kind of information through the use of scheduled learning. Wozniak hypothesized that ‘forgetting information’ follows a pattern – the probability of retaining a particular piece of information becomes less likely through time. He also postulated that we could devise a way to repeat learning the information just before we begin to forget it; at this point, that particular piece of data would be remembered indefinitely. With this, we can remember any kind of information up to any degree.

Try to schedule your studying in such a way that you would study the same material in a couple of days, that is, just before you are forgetting it. Now this takes practice, so it makes sense to try out this memory technique to one subject first. As a worthwhile investment to study, this technique holds promise.

Memory Technique #2: Mnemonics

The use mnemonics – memory learning aids in the form of pictures, songs, or any kind of pattern that would help one remember – is one of the most often-used memory technique today. For example, memorizing the correct spelling of “rhythm” can be accomplished in by remembering the rule “h before y”, or by making an

acronym out of it (Red-hot, Yellow Tapping, Two-Headed Monster) and visualizing that image, or by imagining the letter “h” winning a race.

The actual mnemonic depends on the preferences of the person and the nature of the situation; the point of the exercise is for the person to imagine enough references that he could remember the images that lead to the actual piece of information that is to be recalled.

Memory Technique #3: Rote Spiral

Rote memorization has had a bad rap these days – who wants to memorize a whole textbook, word-per-word? But certainly, there are applications to verbatim memorization: memorizing scripts, speeches, and yes, textbooks. There will always be instance wherein you would be required to memorize something ‘as it is’, and one way to do so is to use a rote spiral. A rote spiral is done by first by listing all the sentences that you need one by one, and then going through the material in a particular manner. Read the first sentence on the list, memorize it, and go to the second sentence. Then read the first, and second sentences, memorize both sentences in sequence, then go to the third sequence. Repeat the same procedure for the third sentences, doing the same thing for all the sentences you’ve listed and always repeating the sentences at the start of the list. With this kind of rote memorization, it is certain that you’ll remember any material verbatim.

Memory Technique #4: Loci Method

An ancient memorization technique developed by ancient Greeks and Romans, it’s a method that capitalizes on visualization and imagery to help in remembering content.

First choose a familiar path that you could use for your visualization, let’s say the route you use to go to school. Try to identify the landmarks that you see, and the particular bends and peculiarities of this route. After you’ve finalized all your mental landmarks, you’re now ready to use it for study memory. Imagine starting on this route, and then attaching each piece of content to the landmarks that you’ve appointed. For example, if you’re learning the periodic table, then you could imagine a ‘glass of hyrdogen’ at your doorstep, then a balloon full of helium near your gate, and so on. Again, it’s just using imagery to cement and commit material to memory.

Memory Technique #5: Creative Memory

It’s easy to remember a nursery rhyme, and we won’t forget a how to cook a favorite dish. We learn much of what we practice and we memorize what we tend to think about. This is the practice of creative memory, or the method of creating songs, comics, games, images, or any kind of creative content to help in memorizing something. Although it takes some time to come up with a final creation, it’s not really the product but the process that counts.

When you’re in a slump, try to make up a song or draw a cartoon of the particular material you are studying. If you’re particularly being creative about it, maybe you could construct a diorama, or a lego artwork of what you’re trying to memorize. More than anything else, it’s a fun and interesting way to do homework.

TIPS ON PASSING HIGH SCHOOL EXAMS

Hints on passing exams from an examiner / teacher.1 Before exams study topics you love to hate when you are as fresh as a daisy and not tired. You will remember them better.

2 Vice versa for topics you really love - go to familiar topics to learn more when you are tired because you don't mind studying them.

3 Ask, ask, ask the teacher about any misunderstandings you think you have. Ask, ask, ask for extra help before exams.

4 Form a study group with a friend or friends. Go over topics together over the phone, at school / college, anywhere! Get past papers to see the style of questions, but don't expect the self-same questions to come up! Similar or different questions will.

5 In the exam, you are allowed to write on the exam paper anywhere you like to help you see the main points.

6 Read through the whole exam paper first to feed the questions into your brain, because your brain acts as a computer does and starts a search for the answers. Answers will be available fro your brain in a more complete form for you to write down.

7 Answer the questions in any order on the paper. You do not have to start with the first question and end with the last one. Some people like to get the essay out of the way first.

8 Highlight, ring, circle or underline words and phrases in the questions if this helps you understand the question. Writing on the exam paper will not lose you marks.

9 Always ANSWER THE QUESTION, not what you think it is. READ ALL QUESTIONS BEFORE AND AFTER GIVING AN ANSWER to check you have answered the question that was asked, not something else. No matter how good your answer is, if it does NOT answer the question, you will not get the marks allocated.

10 Remember the examiner is a human being [except that multiple choice might be marked by a computer]. your writing must be legible so that you can be awarded the marks you deserve. Examiners are not out to trick you and take off marks - they really want to give you all the marks you deserve - so help them by writing clearly and in sentences.

11 Multiple choice questions are very tricky. ALWAYS FILL IN ALL ANSWERS to multiple choice questions. Guess the ones you don't know. There is a chance you will get some of them right.Don't go back to the multiple choice questions at the end of the exam, when you are tired, and change right answers to wrong ones because you doubt your brain's ability. Examiners ee this happening all the time. Your brain gave you the right answers instantly at the start. Trust your brain!

12 Good time management is critical to success in exams. Test yourself on past papers for timing. Look at the mark allocation - usually about a mark a minute thinking and writing time - and give just that amount of time to a question. Move on from one-mark questions if you do not have a ready answer. Come back and guess it later. It is likely that your brain will have done more searching in the meantime and give you an answer.

13 Unlucky for some! Finally check you have answered every question, THEN fill out the front cover, or put your name and date on all sheets - you are allowed extra time to do this administrative work at the end of an exam. GOOD LUCK!

HOW TO MEMORIZE ANYTHING

I recently read a remarkable story of a guy who was at college and his professor said the following two statements:

1) No student had ever aced his introductory exam; and 2) all the answers could be found in the first 7 chapters of the textbook.

So what did he do? He memorized the entire 7 chapters.

In total he had remembered a whopping 23,000 words, and he got 100% on the test. So how did he do it?

He claims to use a technique called stacking, now, I should add that I haven’t tried this, but I suppose it makes sense.

Here is how you stack memories:

1. “First, use a pencil or word processor (I prefer the latter because it’s faster) to type, in complete sentences, any fact you think might appear on the test. Use short sentences because they’re easier to remember.

2. Take your printed notes into a quiet room, shut the door, and eliminate all distractions.3. Look at the first sentence in your notes and read it out loud. Then, close your eyes and say the

sentence without looking at it.

4. Repeat the step above, this time with the first 2 sentences.5. Next, try it with 3 sentences. Then 4. Repeat until you have memorized every sentence in your notes.

After a study session, take a quick nap. New memories are very vulnerable, but studies have shown that sleep helps your new memories stick. After your nap, repeat the memory technique once more for maximum retention.”

Now I should add that I have tried similar techniques to learn languages, and at first they can seem futile, but with time and effort you really can store huge amounts of information.

One final point I feel I should make… there is a difference between remembering and understanding.

TIPS ON PASSING HIGH SCHOOL EXAMS

Sometimes, doing well on tests can be difficult. The best way to do well on an exam is to be prepared. The best way to prepare depends on the types of tests you are taking.

Essays-Studying for an essay is difficult, especially since how well you do is based largely on your capabilities as a writer. The only way to ensure success is to know the material, some specifics of whatever book or time period you are studying, and some general themes. Read the book and read the rubric. You should be fine.

Vocab-Being prepared for a vocab test means reading, writing, and hearing the words and definitions as much as is needed. Write the definitions on a sheet. Quiz yourself. Write the definitions on notecards. Quiz yourself. Draw pictures that relate to the words. Quiz yourself. Have a friend read the words out loud to you. Quiz yourself... Isolate whatever words you feel you pause quite a bit at before reciting the definition. Finally, make sure you can define some synonyms and antonyms.

Math-In studying for math, do sample questions. Find out what is incorrect, and find out from your teacher what you are doing wrong. Make sure you memorize relevant equations. And during the test, read questions CAREFULLY. Many teachers will take points off if you don't show work, don't round to the right place, or fail to find the answer algebraically rather than with guess and check.

Foreign Language-For a foreign language test, the best way to study is to go in for help any time you have difficulty understanding a new concept. Memorizing tenses and verb endings is critical, and for many languages, knowing the "gender" of a car or a bike is important as well. It is very important to go over your work after you finish, making sure that your spelling is correct and all accents are in the right place.

General Rules for Test Taking--Sleep the night before.-Eat something before the test.-Study ahead of time- don't cram the night before.-Find out the general topics that will be on the test.-Don't cheat! If you had the time to read this, you should have had the time to prepare.

HOW TO MEMORIZE QUICKLY

[[Image:Corkboard with Post it Notes 4357.jpg|thumb|Use post-it notes to keep track of things you need to remember. With time, this can help improve your memory. Memorization is the key to just about every job occupation, school subject, and even daily chores. The world revolves around remembering the names of people, ingredients in a dinner for a special someone, or the bones of a human arm for Anatomy class. Here are some ways on the power of the brain to pass that class... or just get through daily life.

Steps

Buy a pack of Post-It notes. It can be a large or small pack, depending upon the length of what you need to memorize.

Determine a color that suits your tastes. A color that is too dark or neon does not lend itself to memorization.

Write (in black ink) on each Post-It note one stanza for memorizing poems. Continue this until you have written the entire poem.

Write on the Post-It note small pieces of the work when memorizing a speech, essay, or other work of prose. You can do this by breaking off in sensible places, such as the end of a paragraph, idea, or quote.

Affix the Post-Its to a highly visible place in your bedroom or living room where you look often. Post them in vertical descending order. This may look silly, but it works.

Memorize the first Post-It. Do this by not reading the next one until you can recite the first, out loud, five times without error.

Move to the next Post-It note. Follow step five again, this time with both Post-Its.

Congratulate yourself at committing to memory the entire body of your poem or body of writing.

If you're trying to memorize answers to a test, you can recite the answers again and again. (Do not memorize the answers in order because the test is not the same as handouts.)

Have fun and say parts of it as a random quote.Things You'll Need

Post it Notes Black Pen or Marker

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR POWERS OF CONCENTRATION

Do you find it difficult to memorize long theoretical questions? Try the following steps to improve your concentration skills!

Steps

Complete only when in a quiet environment

Drink a glass of room temperature water.

Dot Trick

Now draw a small, yet visible, dot on the wall facing you, and start staring and concentrating on the dot for 60-70 seconds.

Start taking deep breaths while staring and for a short time after you have finished staring at the dot..

You should now find an increase in your concentration power.

Slowly slowly increase total time of concentration to 30 Minutes.

Water Trick

Fill a glass of water and hold it in front of you.

Stare at the ripples in the top of the glass. Try to hold the glass as still as possible, so that there are no ripples in the glass. Stop when the water is completely still.

Tips

Do the exercise just before you sit to study. Do not make a large dot. Increase the exercise duration from time to time. Don't let your eyes move away from the dot

Things You'll Need

A Glass Of Room Temperature Water A Pencil A Quiet Room To Complete Steps A watch for checking time

QUIZ TIPS: GET GOOD GRADES EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T STUDY

In the quest to get good grades, most probably you’ve taken the occasional test that you weren’t prepared to take. Pop quizzes will always be in the landscape of the typical student’s life, probably because it keeps one on his toes. This is the reason why students use different study tips and memory techniques, to at least have an edge over exams. Regardless, there every student should be prepared for the inevitable, and though it’s really easier to study every day and prepare for exams, chances are there will be some quizzes which could slip through the cracks.

How does one prepare for something that one couldn’t even prepare for? To help you out, here are 4 simple quiz tips that could help you get good grades even if you didn’t study.

1.  Get good grades with multiple choice questions

For a multiple-choice question with 4 options, there’s a 25% probability that one could get the correct answer just by guesswork alone. This figure decreases as the number of choices increase, but on the average, multiple-choice questions are done with 4 items in mind. The strategy then is to figure out how to increase the probability of getting the correct answer, given that you are only vaguely familiar of the content.

Quiz tip: Look for two choices that are similar, and choose one of these. In test construction, the correct answer almost always is mixed with something that was meant to confuse the test-taker.

Quiz tip: Choices that are too different from the others often do not include the correct answer.

2. Get good grades with True/False questions

Since true/false questions are objective items that rely on a 50/50 chance it’s a bit trickier to get the correct answer.  To remedy this, one just needs to figure out if the statement is false first, which is a lot easier than figuring out if it’s true.

Quiz tip: Since true/false statements are almost always logical arguments found on different premises, if any of these premises are false or any part of the question rings false, then the statement is false.

Quiz tip: Statements with absolute logical qualifiers like always, never, not, or cannot almost always are false statements.

Quiz tip: Statements with relative logical qualifiers such as may, may not, or sometimes probably signal a true statement.

3. Get good grades with Fill-in-the-Blank questions

The trick with fill-in-the-blank questions is to recognize the context of the question first to derive the correct answer.

Quiz tip: If the answer you’re choosing is not grammatically correct, then most probably it’s not the correct one.

Quiz tip: Look for clues from other questions within the same test. Most probably, the fill-in-the-blank questions are derived from this or at least have similar answers.

4. Get good grades with Essay questions

Essay questions might be the easiest of all quizzes, but there’s always a tendency to over-compensate for lack of knowledge – one tends to write more if one knows nothing about it. To get good grades with essay questions one needs to pick the best point to write about and stick with it.

Quiz tip: Before you answer an essay question, first list down all the possible answers that may fit the question. Pick the best three out of these and work your essay around these points.

Quiz tip: Resist the urge to pad your answers. Though some may think that these could help

lead to the answer eventually, a long essay might tick off your teacher.

These are just some quiz tips that one could use when confronted with an exam that one didn’t prepare for. Do you know of other ways to get good grades for quizzed you didn’t study for? Post them in the comments.

21 CRITICAL LIFE LESSONS YOU DIDN’T LEARN IN SCHOOL

If someone doesn’t take us aside and teach us a few things (assuming we’d listen) before we graduate high school, we are doomed to learn life’s hardest lessons in the real world beyond the classroom.

With that in mind, here are 21 non-academic lessons every person should know before he or she graduates high school; if you graduated long ago (as I did), this list represents all the things you wish you had been taught, yet had to learn (or are still learning) on your own.    

Love and Relationships

1. Choosing a Mate: Your ability to select a suitable spouse will greatly influence your financial and emotional wellbeing, yet parents and teachers seldom mention it. A few common sense guidelines: pick someone who’s a joy to be around and who makes you happy; know the person well; ensure compatibility beyond the physical because beauty and youth are fleeting, while the mind and heart endure. 

2. Evaluating Relationships: Given the tremendous importance of relationships, it’s surprising we receive so little instruction on how to evaluate, prune, and nurture them.  Start by asking yourself whether each of your relationships drags you down or lifts you up. Surrounding yourself with positive relationships is half the battle.

3. Conversation: Successful relationships require solid communication: use body language, appropriate tone of voice, and eye contact; be friendly and considerate of alternative viewpoints; persuade gently; listen, listen, listen.

4. Handling Difficult People: An essential life skill, handling difficult people can be taught, but seldom is. I’ve written about this before, and there are several good books on the subject, including Robert Bramson’s Coping with Difficult People.

5. Networking: Ask for business cards, maintain a Rolodex (electronic or otherwise), and stay in touch with people who respect you.  Association breeds opportunity, personally and professionally.

6. Compassion: We are born egocentric, but by the time we graduate high school, we should be capable of understanding, appreciating, and sympathizing with others. Compassion helps us understand our place in the world and ensures we are emotionally well rounded.

7. Teamwork: Work environments have gravitated toward small teams. Sports, team projects, and group goals are great ways to learn teamwork, but are seldom adequate.  Evaluate interpersonal skills regularly; correct as needed.

8. Giving: As a child, I always thought the expression “it’s better to give than to receive” was trite and silly. As an adult, I recognize the expression’s value. Having the capacity to give means you possess; having the will to give means you want to make a difference; having the desire to give means you care.

Money Management

9. The Material Myth: Pursuing happiness by acquiring material things (granite countertops, plasma televisions, designer clothing) is like jogging to the grocery store on your treadmill: it’s not going to happen. 

10. Saving: Keep 3 to 6 months salary in an emergency fund, in case you lose your job; use online calculators to determine the proper amount to save for retirement; keep money on hand for unexpected expenses, such as car and home repair.

11. Debt: Financial gurus suggest that total debt, excluding first mortgage, should not exceed 20% of take-home pay. This includes car payments, home equity loans, second mortgages, credit card debt, and so forth. Upper income consumers may be able to handle higher debt loads due to greater expendable income, while lower income consumers may be wise to carry less. And my number one rule of debt: credit cards should never be used as supplemental income.

12. Frugality: Live below your means. Look for bargains. Shop at discount stores. Clearly delineate needs (transportation) from wants (a big SUV). Feel free to indulge occasionally, but mind the consequences.  

13. Debtor Responsibility: I believe every person who borrows money has a social, moral, and ethical responsibility to make payments on time and in the correct amount for the duration of the contract. Generally speaking, the credit bureaus agree.

Career

14. Passion: School sharpens skills, but seldom taps into your most powerful reserve of all: Passion. If you want to be happy at the top of Maslow’s pyramid, find a job you love.

15. Practicality: While you’re chasing self-actualization, paying bills remains important. Independent research using the Occupational Outlook Handbook or other resources can help you figure out how to make a living in whatever industry inspires you.  

16. Politics of Advancement: Advancement in the working world often depends as much upon interpersonal skills as it does upon job skills.  Persuasion, argument, and expectation setting are crucial. 

17. Entrepreneurial: Unless you’re related to business owners or have learned about business ownership on your own, there’s a good chance that owning a business seems puzzling, daunting, and overwhelming. The fact

that young people in a capitalistic society aren’t given the basic tools of ownership is unfortunate.  Find a mentor.  Attend a workshop.  Read.

Personal Success

18. Positive Thinking: Attitude determines altitude. If you believe you can do it, most of the time, you really can.

19. Personal Accountability: Most success boils down to perseverance, determination, tenacity, and other products of personal accountability.

20. Setting and Achieving Goals: Goal setting, research, planing, commitment, and hard work are all required to reach any big, life-altering objective. In other words, all the schooling in the world won’t help you reach your dreams if you don’t take time to determine what you want and how to obtain it. 

21. Health: Throughout my life, I’ve noticed that no single thing does as much to improve my outlook as getting healthy. Eat nutritious meals in proper portions. Drink plenty of water. Try to get 30 minutes of aerobic exercise daily (or at least every other day). Get plenty of sleep. High school health classes teach these concepts, but seldom make the connection between health and the rest of life; the connection is real. And it’s huge.

So there you have it: 21 lessons you can’t (or generally don’t) learn in school.

These lessons are not intended to insult teachers or schools, or to suggest curriculum. They are merely thought starters; something to think about regarding lessons learned through painful experience.

Life is an exploration, and maybe certain lessons must be experienced to be understood. Yet I wonder how much pain we could prevent if we taught life’s important lessons to our young people instead of relying on the real world to teach them for us.

THE #1 PREDICTOR AND DETERMINANT OF SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE

What do you think is the #1 determinant of a person’s success or failure in any given activity? Do you think it’s money? How about intelligence? Natural disposition? Supporting relationships? All of these have an impact, no doubt. But the #1 determinant (and most accurate predictor) of success or failure is a concept many people have never heard of: self-efficacy.

Self-Efficacy vs. Self-Esteem

Self-efficacy is defined as confidence in your ability to achieve a desired outcome, whereas self-esteem is a general feeling about your self-worth.

Self-esteem asks, “How do I feel about myself?” Self-efficacy asks, “Can I do this?”

Why is Self-Efficacy Important?

As I already mentioned, self-efficacy is the single greatest determinant of your success or failure. If you have high self-efficacy, you are one step ahead of everyone else because you are willing to put your plans into motion.    

Maybe you’ve always wanted to start your own business or go back to school — So why haven’t you? Because you think you will fail? Some people are so afraid of failure they never follow their heart. When asked why they never went to college, pursued the career of their dreams, or attempted to find more satisfying relationships, they respond by saying, “Oh, I couldn’t do that.”

This attitude is self-defeating. Even if you lack the skills to be successful at something today, you might develop the skills tomorrow if you start trying.  

I am reminded of a quote from the movie Batman Begins, when Alfred says, “Why do we fall, Master Wayne? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

We learn from our failures. Just think about how many times you fell before you walked, how many meaningless sounds you made before you talked. If you won’t risk failure, you’ll never grow. The sad irony is that the people with the greatest certainty of success (as determined by a high self-efficacy) are the ones most willing to risk failure. This says something about human nature: Even though failure is essential to growth, no one likes to fail. Certainty of success breeds action. Fear of failure breeds inaction and ineptitude.

It’s a vicious cycle. If you lack self-efficacy, you will fear failure.  If you fear failure, you will never act. If you never act, you will never succeed. And if you never succeed, you will never develop self-efficacy.

Developing Self-Efficacy

You can build self-efficacy by accomplishing something.  Accomplishment helps you learn to trust your skills.

Spend a few minutes thinking of something you have always wanted to do. Pick something challenging, yet achievable.

Now create a plan, writing down each step required to obtain your goal. 

Once you have your plan, work it.  The first step you complete is the most important because it signals commitment to action.  You’re probably going to fail, but as Alfred so eloquently said, we fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Instead of fearing failure, embrace it. Failure is your friend! As long as your failures are a natural product of working your plan and are moving you closer to your desired end-state, they are good. When you fail, figure out why and be determined to learn from it. What can you do to improve your chances of success next time? Find someone who has accomplished what you are trying to do and ask for her advice.

As you work your plan, be tenacious.  Success breeds self-efficacy, which breeds more success.  Pretty soon you’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about.

TYLER DURDEN’S TOP 5 TIPS FOR LIVING

Being a typical Generation X male, it’s no wonder I’ve always loved the movie Fight Club. Here we have Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden, all lean muscle and crazy blue eyes, smiling like a shark, raging against the great dark plagues of his generation:

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy [things] we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history… No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war… our great depression is our lives.

Tyler was insane, of course – anyone who has seen the movie instantly understands that emulating Tyler Durden would involve psychosis, a padded cell, or life in prison, but that’s not really the point.

The point is that Tyler Durden symbolizes our outrage against the darker version of the American Dream: the endless parade of television commercials, consumerism, and materialism; the lack of meaning and purpose; the rat race; the great spiritual vacuum.

I do not pretend to be an expert on David Fincher’s remarkable movie or the Chuck Palahniuk novel from which it sprang, nor will I attempt to examine Fight Club’s themes comprehensively. I’m just a fan of the movie. Nothing more. And this is my attempt to capture what I affectionately call Tyler Durden’s Tips for Living: filtered for sanity and common sense by yours truly and brought to you in Tyler’s (or his alter ego’s) own words.

1. Don’t be a Mindless Consumer

We’re consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don’t concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy’s name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.

The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography, now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalogue. You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.

You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in the bank.

You are not the car you drive.

Reject… the importance of material possessions.

2. Do Something Meaningful

This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.

Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don’t you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can’t think of a better way to spend these moments?

What would you wish you’d done before you died? You have to know the answer to this question!

If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?

3. Think for Yourself

Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you’re supposed to read? Do you think every thing you’re supposed to think? Buy what you’re told to want?

4. Transcend Temporary, Unfulfilling Relationships 

Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They’re single-serving friends.

5. The Path to Enlightenment is Hard Work

I don’t wanna die without any scars.

Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat. It’s not a… seminar.

Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.

And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.

Ironically, Tyler himself would hate having his knowledge pre-packaged as a self-help article, as he suggests in this slightly modified quotation:

Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer…. Maybe self-destruction is the answer.

But thankfully for me, Tyler’s a fictional character (in more ways than one), and is unlikely to show up on my front stoop bloody-knuckled and ready to brawl. And to be honest, this isn’t really Tyler Durden’s Tips for Living. It’s a list of tips derived from Fight Club, heavily filtered by my own notions of self-improvement, and dredged for sanity and common sense.

I suppose I could have made this article about 2 pages longer by adding exposition and analysis to Tyler’s quotations, but why? The Internet is already overflowing with such analysis.

Given the tremendous cult-following that this movie enjoys, I’m quite sure someone will pop in here to tell me how I’ve misunderstood the movie or misinterpreted Tyler’s intentions. Fair enough. Just know this: fan of the movie or not, I’m not planning to throw any real-life punches anytime soon, so we’ll have to restrict our debate to the comments section of this Website, if it’s all the same to you.

And for those of you who haven’t seen the movie and who might consider doing so upon my recommendation, know this: the movie is vulgar, violent, sexual, bloody, and brimming with ideas that some people struggle to understand.  According to the director, the movie was intended to be like a sharp stick in the eye.  And it is.

But for so many members of the lost generation, what a wonderful and welcome stick in the eye it turned out to be.  

HOW TO AVOID THOUGHTS HAMPERING YOUR DAILY ACTIVITIES

Negative thoughts make a person dull and unable to function properly. Malefic thoughts spread laziness, procrastination, etc. Ample time can be wasted with useless thoughts. A person with no control over his / her thoughts has no control over his / her life. Thoughts lead to actions, actions become habit, habits form one's behaviour, behaviour builds character, and character ultimately makes one’s personality. If we don’t do the things which we ought to do, then we have wasted that particular moment which would remain a permanent loss of time from our life which would never come back. This precious time could have been spend for the other daily chores which we had to do anyway or something productive.

Identify the different thought threads

Allow a particular time period for it

Keep doing your essentials which you were in the middle of doing

Keep a running list of the thoughts which keeps pestering between your work

Think about all those on your allowed time

Make a list of things which you have to do anyway

Keep a running list for it too

The sooner you finish those things which you have to do anyhow, the more time you get to think about those thoughts listed

Talk with someone about it! Talking about things puts a little distance between you and your thoughts so they aren't so consuming.

SYNERGY, THE KEY TO GREATER ENERGY AND HAPPINESS

The key to energy and happiness is synergy.  Unfortunately, many people are living with antagonism.  Let’s take a look at the difference.   

Synergy 

Synergy is a force that causes your total energy to be greater than the sum of its parts.  We experience the magic of synergy whenever we dedicate ourselves to work that fulfills us.  

They say there is no such thing as a perpetual motion machine, but a human being working at something he loves comes close.  I love writing articles for this Web Site, so my work makes me happy.  My wife senses my good mood when she gets home from work, which helps our relationship, which in turn makes me feel even happier!  My ever-increasing happiness, sense of purpose, and confidence makes everything I do easier and more enjoyable.  That’s the power of synergy!  If you spend your time in pursuit of something you find personally fulfilling, the positive energy spreads to every area of your life.  You end up with more energy, not less.  And your happiness is contagious, so it spreads to others.  

Antagonism

 The opposite of synergy is antagonism. 

The term antagonism implies forces in opposition, which makes sense because we experience its harmful effect whenever we work in opposition to our internal motivations.

Figuring out your internal motivations can be hard work, but it’s a lot harder to spend your life doing work you hate.

I have a friend who hates his job so much that even a half-day at the office leaves him drained and grumpy. He comes home from work in a foul mood, which causes him to argue with his wife, which in turn further increases his stress and leaves him more tired and depleted. If you dedicate yourself to tasks that do not fulfill you, antagonism can spread like a cancer to every area of your life. 

Reasons to Hate Your Job

There are as many reasons to hate your job as there are stars in the sky: bad boss, poor utilization of natural skills, unhealthy environment, unrealistic expecations. But even if you are lucky enough to find a job with a fantastic boss and stellar environment, there is one important question waiting for you at the top of the mountain.  And that question is, Do you find the work fulfilling in and of itself?

Many people become frustrated with their jobs long before they ever reach the point of questioning their ultimate fulfillment, while others seem to live happily without any sense of purpose at all.  But for people like me (and maybe you too if you’re still reading this), the need for purpose and fulfillment is a major driving force.  After all, we spend more of our life working than we spend on anything else.  Shouldn’t we spend that time on something that matters to us?   

Living Synergistically

If you want to live synergistically, find something you are truly passionate about, then get behind the mighty plow of your life and start pushing. What things are you good at? What do you love to do? What activities cause you to lose all track of time? The answer to these questions may help reveal your natural gifts. These may be cognitive gifts, such as problem solving, number crunching, or abstract thinking. Or you may have emotional gifts, such as the ability to empathize with and care for others. Perhaps you have physical gifts, like strength, speed and agility. And the question is, Can you get someone to pay you to use your natural gifts to accomplish a mission you believe in?  

Uncover Your Message 

I believe everyone has a message inside of him or her waiting to get out. A message doesn’t have to be something you tell the world explicitly, but it should be something you want to communicate to the world through your actions.  Your message is the reality that you want others to experience, understand, and appreciate.  Quite simply, your message is your purpose in life.  

So what’s your message? Is there a particular topic you love sharing with others? If so, maybe your message lies somewhere within that topic.  If you’re not sure what your message is (like most people), I will help you

discover it later in this series of articles.  For now, the point I want you to remember is this: The key to reaping the benefits of synergy is finding a way to use your natural abilities to communicate your message.  Once you uncover your message, the work will come flowing out of you like a river.  That’s the perpetual motion of synergy at work.   

Find a way to live your message, and synergy will be yours. And your life will no longer be about juggling all your obligations; instead, it will be about living the life you were meant to live.

HOW I OVERCAME ANXIETY (AND HOW YOU CAN TOO)

Oh, I know about anxiety disorders. Several years ago, I struggled with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I was plagued with non-stop worry about work, money, and relationships, even when nothing was wrong.

On nights when I could not sleep, the sound of my worried thoughts was like a million buzzing insects; my mind, a hive.

I had an old, oscillating fan sitting on my bedside table that I would turn on to drown out the hum of my thoughts. The wind on my face felt good. And the white noise, like the sound of a car’s motor on a long trip, conjured images of the open road. I learned to follow that road down into sleep night after night, fleeing my worry.

But when I awoke, the worry always returned. Would I make it to work on time? Would my boss be upset with me? There were as many reasons to worry as there were stars in the sky.

My doctor prescribed Paxil. For the first couple of weeks, it seemed to help, but not without side effects. One time, while medicated, I found myself in an important meeting with senior management, and I had the strangest feeling of pressure and warmth around the top of my skull, as though my skullcap had been flipped open, allowing sunlight to filter directly into my brain. That was one very strange feeling! Some people report great results with Paxil, but it eventually made my brain feel like it was made of gelatin. I stopped taking it.

After a stressful day at work, I would come home and find something else to worry about, usually my latest home improvement project. When my wife and I decided to redecorate the living room, I would sit in there for hours, staring at the curtains, shifting furniture around, trying to get everything just right. I went to the home store about 500 times, trying to find the perfect sheers to compliment our blinds. Sometimes I became so upset I felt like I was having a break down. I’d start yelling, screaming, and carrying on about the position of the fish aquarium or the spectrum of the light coming from the lamps. How my wife put up with my madness I will never know, but she was always supportive.

Flash forward to today, a fine Spring afternoon in 2007. My struggles with anxiety are a distant memory. I feel great! I no longer have trouble falling to sleep at night, and all the little worries that used to plague me have evaporated into the winds. I still experience anxiety every now and then, but it’s no longer excessive or debilitating. I feel normal.

So what changed? Let me tell you.

Stop Trying to be Perfect

For most people, anxiety and stress are positive feelings that encourage focus and preparation. But for those of us suffering from anxiety disorders, the urge to prepare can become an exaggerated and unrealistic quest for perfection, a need to have things “just so.” For me, one of the keys to peace was learning to live with imperfection.

I am an audio-video geek from way back. My greatest obsession used to be breaking into my television’s secret service menu and tinkering with the picture settings for hours, trying to get the picture just right. This drove my wife quite mad, since she was usually trying to watch something at the time.

“Could you please let me watch this show?” she would say.

“Um, no,” I would respond. My need for perfect geometry and black level was like a normal person’s need for oxygen. Would I ask my wife not to breathe? Nope. So why should she ask me not to tinker?

Finally, one day, I got fed up with myself and put the remote control down. Once I stopped obsessing about the picture, it looked fine. How ironic that the obsession compelling me to tinker was the same obsession allowing me to see imperfections in the first place.

Passion becomes obsession when it starts having a negative impact on you; in practice, there is very little difference between a man obsessesing over his television, a woman obsessesing over her appearance, or a person obsessing over the cleanliness of his or her house.

Our quest for perfection creeps into areas where we may not recognize it. I know people who rehearse important conversations to the point of exhaustion, debug code to rediculous levels of thoroughness (that used to be me), and who proof-read a document hundreds of times.

Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule? There are many variations of this rule, but the version I am talking about says that 80% of the value of something can be obtained with 20% of the effort. I finally learned to maximize my first 20% and stop. I still tinker with my television and projector every now and then, but only for short periods of time to correct a specific problem – and 80/20 is always in effect.

Stop Obsessing About What Others Think

Many people are concerned about the opinions of those around them. This is normal, in fact good, since it helps us fit in, relate, and communicate more effectively. But for people suffering from extreme anxiety, concern becomes panic. What will my boss think? What will my friends think? Will my associates think I’m stupid?

We project our perfectionist tendencies onto others, but we must remind ourselves that no one cares about our imperfections like we do. Instead of worrying about what others think, I have learned to keep moving forward.

Start Exercising

Being anxious takes energy. If you use your energy for something productive, you will have less energy to be anxious.

I started riding my elliptical machine nightly. This improved my mood, made me calm, and helped me sleep. After I had built up my cardiovascular health, I started working out on my Bowflex. I felt stronger, more relaxed, and more in control. The benefits of exercise are well known; it definitely worked for me.

Start Leading a Balanced Life

Symptoms of our disorder explode in high stress environments. My highest stress environments have resulted from an unbalanced life. And when I talk about balance, I mean balance between your internal motivations and your daily activities. If you are struggling to find balance, read my six part series on how to lead a synergistic life.

I took a hard look at my job and my personal life. My job in particular was not congruent with my life purpose, so I found another one. First, I moved from software development to software design, which was a better use of my skills and resulted in an immediate reduction of stress. My second job change was from Systems Designer to Web Master of this site; this new job allows me to truly embrace my life purpose to help others learn, grow, and achieve.

Leading a balanced life has reduced my stress more than anything else

You Can Beat Anxiety Too

I beat anxiety, and I believe you can too. If you are struggling, you might want to consider seeing a doctor, since medicine and therapy can both be very effective. Medicine was my first recourse, and even though it didn’t work for me, it does work for some. Keep in mind, your doctor will be able to give you competent medical advice regarding your specific situation.

If you are able, you can always try what I did. Learn to be less than perfect. Start riding your treadmill or going for walks at least 3 times a week. And most importantly, address the areas of your life causing you to be unbalanced. If you keep trying, I know you can lead a better life. Best wishes to you.

13 Simple Ways to Be Happier

It wasn’t long ago that researchers believed that every human being was born with a set “happiness point,” a fixed and unavoidable baseline level of happiness. On its face, the idea appears to have merit: Tsunami victims, amputees, and lottery winners alike eventually return to their previous emotional baselines. In other words, no matter what mega-high or ultra-low you find yourself riding, eventually your happiness will seek its own level.

In 1996, University of Minnesota researcher David Lykken went so far as to say that “trying to be happier” was as “futile as trying to be taller.”

But David Lykken was wrong.

In a 2005 Time Magazine interview, Lykken took it all back. “I made a dumb statement,” he said. “It’s clear that we can change our happiness levels widely, up or down.”

So what happened inbetween 1996 and 2005 that changed the way researchers think about happiness? New studies and new findings: that’s what happened. And this new research is a lot of good news for all of us because it proves that happiness is greatly affected by circumstances that we personally have the power to control or influence: friendships, romantic relationships, finances, careers, mental habits.

Yes, we do have an emotional baseline. Yes, our baseline is determined partly by genetics and other factors beyond our control. But no – and I cannot say this clearly or loudly enough – your happiness baseline is not carved in stone. You can learn to be happier. You can change your life. You can smile more, love more deeply, experience more peace, and feel more gladness.

If you’re looking for a way to optimize your happiness, you can start by reviewing the following 13 strategies: simple, actionable, and designed to boost your happiness in a big way.

Love and Relationships

1. Nurture Friends and Family Ties: A study conducted at the University of Illinois by Diener and Seligman found that happy people tend to have strong friendships and family ties. This comes as no surprise, since we are social creatures, and it’s natural for us to derive joy from the company of others. Cultivate your social skills. Make time for friends and family, especially if those relationships tend to be positive and uplifting. Host a backyard barbecue, a dinner party, or a movie night. Make a spontaneous phone call “just to chat.” In short, find ways to connect; you’ll be happier for it.

2. Make Time for Romance: If you’ve found the partner of your dreams, keep your relationship solid by demonstrating how much you care. Roses. Chocolates. A thoughtful card. A night out. A weekend retreat. An honest expression of gratitude. A helping hand. A gentle hug. I’m not foolish enough to believe that a box of chocolates can turn a bad relationship into a good one, but taking time to do the little things provides its own enjoyment and further cements whatever good thing you already have.

3. Join a Supportive Spiritual Group: According to a 2002 article in Time Magazine, “religious faith seems to genuinely lift the spirit, though it’s tough to tell whether it’s the God part or the community aspect that does the heavy lifting.” In reality, it’s a combination of things: the shared worldview, the support structure, the common goals and aspirations, the feeling of family and belonging, and the sense of purpose, to name a few.

4. Communicate Productively: Successful relationships require solid communication: use body language, appropriate tone of voice, and eye contact; be considerate of alternative viewpoints; persuade gently; above all else, listen. And whenever possible, be nice. The power of being nice is well documented; it appears that what goes around really does come around.

5. Be Charitable: Research has shown that boosting someone else’s happiness boosts your own too. Giving to others puts your own problems into perspective, provides purpose and meaning, and generally makes you feel good about your place in the world.

Money and Career

6. Ask Yourself Why: Why do you work? For most people, the obvious answer is “because I have bills to pay.” That’s a fine answer (we all have bills to pay), but if paying the bills is your only reason for working, explore other options. The transition from an uninspiring job to a personally meaningful vocation is hard work and doesn’t happen overnight, but if you keep asking yourself “why,” you just might goad yourself into finding a way to answer that question in a way that makes you happy. Meaning and purpose are central to a fulfilling work life.

7. Earn a Livable Wage: If you’re living below the poverty line by choice so you can pursue meaningful work, more power to you; otherwise, making at least a middle-class wage is a proven way to boost your happiness. Investigate your options. Strategize accordingly.

8. Save: Keep 3 to 6 months salary in an emergency fund, in case you lose your job or your car breaks down; don’t forget to put money aside for retirement. If you know your basic needs are covered, you’ll be happier, and actually having that money when you need it will do wonders for your peace of mind.

9. Live Below Your Means: Financial gurus suggest that total debt, excluding first mortgage, should not exceed 20% of take-home pay. Feel free to indulge occasionally, but mind the consequences, since living above your means is a thief of happiness, harbinger of despair, and robber of potential.

Positive Thought

10. Keep a Gratitude Journal: Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky has found that taking time once a week to write down all the things you’re thankful for will, in fact, increase your happiness. If you don’t want to do a journal, try taking a few minutes during your morning commute to remind yourself of all the wonderful things in your life. As research has proven, an attitude of gratitude makes a difference.

11. Make a Gratitude Visit: Psychologist Martin Seligman says that the most effective way to turbo-charge your joy is to write a testimonial thanking a teacher, parent, or pastor – anyone to whom you owe a debt of gratitude – and then visit that person to read him or her the letter of appreciation. This particular happiness booster has been shown to improve a person’s mood for up to a month.

12. Three Blessings: For a less powerful, but longer lasting happiness boost, Seligman says to take time everyday to write down three things that went well and why.

13. Positive Introspection: Take time to inventory the characteristics that make you valuable: skills, attitudes, generosity, capacity to love, and so forth. Be aware of all the wonderful abilities you bring to the table. Write them down if you have to. Everyone has something valuable to contribute.

In closing, your happiness baseline is affected as much by circumstances and attitudes as by genetic predisposition; that’s good news because it means that you can learn to be happier by affecting positive change in your relationships, career, and mental processes.

In other words, happiness is a lot less about who you are and a whole lot more about how you live your life.

7 Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem

Last week, a couple of readers asked if I had any tips for increasing self-esteem. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today – how to raise your self-esteem.

Traditional advice includes positive affirmation, recognizing your strengths, and meditation – but my advice includes none of these. 

Don’t get me wrong – I’m sure affirmations work wonderfully for some people, but they did not work for me because they seemed like a trick – a smoke screen covering the truth – to my highly analytical mind.

Whether affirmations work really isn’t the point – the point is that the advice I dispense on this site comes from my own experience. In other words, I have to write what I know.

And the truth is, I know what it’s like to suffer from low self-esteem, and I also know what it’s like to finally learn to believe in myself. So every bit of advice that I dispense here today has been battle tested in my own life.

There are no easy fixes here because raising your self-esteem requires hard work, introspection, and dedication.  So let’s get to work!

Discard Outdated and Unfair Childhood Evaluations

Many people who suffer from low self-esteem learned to think poorly of themselves during childhood, often because someone of significance disapproved of them: a parent, relative, or peer.

It really doesn’t matter who planted the seeds of your low self-esteem; if you’re still dragging the opinion of someone else around with you, it’s time to formulate your own opinions based upon your life as it exists today.

My own struggles with self-esteem can be traced back to specific incidents in my childhood, often involving the bullying and teasing of peers. Once I understood this, I started telling myself that the opinions of a bunch of grade-school kids formed more than 25 years ago were an awfully flimsy foundation upon which to base my current opinion of myself.

 My perspective didn’t change overnight, but it did change. 

Take Responsibility for Everything in Your Life

Find a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and say, “I am responsible for everything in my life. And only I have the power to make my life better.”

This is not an affirmation – it’s a reality check. And despite the fact that these words may seem self-defeating, I promise you they are the most liberating words I know.

How wonderful it is to know we have the power to take the reigns of our lives and assume responsibility for all our life circumstances.

Improve Your Trouble Areas

Do you have one or two areas that send you into spirals of despair? If so, fix those areas.

When I was younger, I had terrible people skills, which is one of the reasons my peers rejected me in grade school. But as I grew older, I recognized the importance of correcting the problem within me instead of waiting for the world to change. Today, I’m a skilled communicator, comfortable around people, with no self-esteem issues.

The moral here is simple: If you doubt your intelligence, accomplish something intellectual; if you doubt your social skills, accomplish something social; and if you doubt your physical abilities, accomplish something physical.

At first, it may feel like you’re wrestling a bear; and in a way, you are. A trouble area is a beast that delights in dragging you down into its cave to gnaw on your self-esteem. To defeat the beast, you’ll have to plow through some dark, unexplored parts of your psyche.

As you work through your problem areas, you will probably fail before you succeed, which brings us to my next bit of advice.

Embrace Failure

Failure is your friend! As long as your failures are moving you closer to your desired end-state, they are good.

When you fail, figure out why and be determined to learn from it. What can you do to improve your chances of success next time? Find someone who has accomplished what you are trying to do and ask for her advice.

We learn from our failures. Just think about how many times you fell before you walked, how many meaningless sounds you made before you talked. If you won’t risk failure, you’ll never grow.

Finish what You Start

Finishing college taught me to believe in my intelligence. Finishing big projects taught me to believe in my leadership skills. Following through on my promises taught me I could be dependable and trustworthy.

By learning to finish what I started, I learned the most important lesson of all: that I was capable.

Sometimes walking away from a problem is the smartest thing you can do, but any decision to quit must come from logic, not fear. Instead of walking away from challenges, meet them head on. Finish what you start on a consistent basis, and you will soon learn to trust yourself.

Join a Productive Club

Find something productive that you love to do (writing, dancing, acting, programming, or whatever) and then find a group of like-minded people who are interested in learning this activity with you.

The group is your support structure and your growth catalyst, and it will help you accomplish something you can be proud of.

Increase Your Positive Relationships

Don’t ask me why, but people with low self-esteem seem to attract abusers, probably because they’re easy to pick on.

If you’re like I was at one point in my life, your radar for evaluating worthwhile relationships may be totally screwed up. In this case, stop evaluating relationships with your heart, and start evaluating them with your mind. Does a person logically appear to be a good influence? If not, consider moving on to a new relationship.

If you surround yourself with positive, supportive people instead of deadbeats and abusers – well, that’s half the battle, isn’t it?

What are Your Tips for Increasing Self-Esteem?.

I hope my 7 tips are able to help you, in some small way, overcome whatever self-esteem issues you’re dealing with. There are many more tips I could share, but I want to turn the conversation over to the readers at this point because I believe we’re stronger as a blogging community than we are alone.

Do you have a tip to help others overcome low self-esteem? If so, leave a comment, and let your contemporaries benefit from your knowledge.

Conversely, if you’re struggling with low self-esteem, let us know.

By looking inward, working hard, and focusing on tomorrow instead of yesterday, I know you can find the healthy self-image you’re looking for

10 Causes and Cures of Unhappiness

One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep.  

While neither universal nor all-encompassing, the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives, including my own.

1. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. If your friend succeeds, celebrate his victory as your own; if your enemy succeeds, remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating, pointless, and merely extends an enemy’s power over you.

2. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant, since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him; success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path, persecution or no.

3. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us, but we do control how we react to those bad things.  Instead of passing the buck, take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow.

4. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate.

5. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.  

6. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones; your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice.

7. Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. Whenever possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.

8. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities; further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down.

9. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. To overcome low self-efficacy, master the skills required to reach your objective. Practice, practice, practice.

10. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass, guiding you toward fulfillment. Read my synergy series of articles for more information; if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose, pioneer your own.

Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.

On the other hand, if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug, review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures. 

By understanding the source of your unhappiness, you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness. 

13 Simple Words that Could Change Your Life Forever

The following 13 words have the power to change your life:

Victimhood is a position of powerlessness, while accountability is a position of power.

When I was in grade school, bullies picked on me all the time. At lunchtime, I practically had a target on my back, and every schoolyard thug made it his personal mission to call me names and push me around. David Cobb, Todd McGraw, Enoch Peterson and loads of kids I can’t even remember made me the butt of their jokes.

My personal low-point occurred when I was 11 years old. I was walking home from school in the rain, backpack and clothes soaked, shivering from the cold. To speed my retreat from the cold, I took a shortcut through the trail out by the creek. And when I rounded the corner from the trail onto the street, I came face to face with three mean high school kids from a neighboring school.

Their fearless leader, wearing a leather jacket and shades, sprinted to the end of the street to intercept me. “What’s your name?” he said.

“My name is John,” I responded meekly, looking down at my muddy shoes.

“Oh yeah?” he smirked. “Where ya goin’?”

“Home,” I said.

I turned to walk away, but the three high school boys were on my trail.

“You hear that, Jimmy? Poor baby’s goin’ home.”

These boys were twice my size, 5 years older than I was, and 3 times my number. I was the mouse, and they were cats. And I know what happens to the mouse when the cat is done playing with it, so I was highly motivated to get home in a hurry.

I started running, but they knocked me to the ground, took my backpack, and started kicking and punching me. I remember the feeling of their fists against my ribs, the hollow sound it made in my lungs and the feeling of dry air rushing over my vocal chords. The world was a flurry of shadows and pain.

Just when I could take no more, an adult from across the street burst out of his front door and chased the bullies off.

What might have happened if that adult had not appeared?

Soaked and bloody, I retrieved my books from the mud, stuffed them back into my backpack, and walked home. As far as I could tell, I had done absolutely nothing to provoke the attack — I just couldn’t understand why the world was so damned mean.

I stayed home from school for a week, and when I finally went back to school I had internalized my role as the victim. And that’s really when my trouble started.

The bullies at school seemed to sense my lack of confidence the way a lion senses an injured gazelle.

Looking back, it’s clear that I was, indeed, a victim in this particular situation. But life makes everyone a victim from time to time – that’s not really the point.

The point is that I allowed myself to become a perpetual victim. I learned to blame bullies for picking on me, teachers for hassling me, and friends for betraying me. I learned to focus on the bad things that other people did to me instead of the good things I could do to improve my life.

I even blamed my girlfriend for the disaster that was my first real relationship. Victimhood was a lifestyle, and I had started living it.

But you know something? Somewhere along the way, I finally realized the truth in those 13 little words, and I’ll repeat them here because they’re worth repeating:

Victimhood is a position of powerlessness, while accountability is a position of power.

The only person I can control is myself. So when I accept responsibility for something, I am giving myself power to change it. Yes, life will victimize me, but I cannot control all the random external forces that may harm me – I can really only control myself. Therefore, the position of accountability is the most powerful position of all because it encourages us to look inside ourselves and make necessary changes.

Was I really accountable for all the abuse I endured at the hands of bullies when I was younger? Partly, yes. I lacked social skills, proper hygiene, and decent dress. Plus, I had become so defensive over the years that I reacted to every encounter with hostility. So you see, I contributed to my own plight. I attracted unwanted attention by behaving in an unwanted way.

And it was only when I recognized my own power to change myself that my life really started to improve.

Today, my life is completely different. I get along well with people, and I am rarely victimized by anyone. And the difference cannot be attributed to the nature of the world, for the world is largely the same today as it was when I was a child.

The difference occurred within me.

I stopped thinking of myself as a victim, and started thinking of myself as accountable for my own problems. I fixed what was broken inside me.

Do you think of yourself as a victim? Do you spend time wondering why people treat you so badly? Do you blame your financial, emotional, and professional problems on someone or something other than yourself?

If so, know this: When you attribute your problems to something other than yourself, you give that thing power over you, and you make yourself its victim.

Sometimes, it’s better to take responsibility, even if the fault is not your own. Only by taking responsibility for your problems can you take control of your life.

How to Develop Self Esteem

Our self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends to slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self confidence to make even the smallest of decisions. We think little of ourselves, and feel we do not deserve to be happy. Improving your self esteem increases your confidence and is a first step towards finding happiness and a better life. You gain this confidence by believing that you are unique, you are special, and that you deserve to have your dreams come true!

edit Steps

Start from within. Ignore any and all destructive criticism or insults, including any from your past; your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself better than anyone else. Many of us have been hurt by others at some time. It is crucial NOT to internalize that abuse and let them continue to hurt us, because that is, in fact, letting them win. But if we let go of the past and ignore hurtful negativity, and make ourselves happy, then we win.

Develop Confidence

4 scientifically proven techniques to give you confidence and powerwww.instant-confidence.com

o Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person who DESERVES to be happy. And believe it. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. And if you've made mistakes that prevent you from believing that you deserve to be happy, take measures to relieve that guilt: apologize to people you may have hurt, learn from those mistakes, and most importantly, forgive yourself.

Start with the small things to gain confidence. Take small steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision. As you become secure in your ability to make good choices, you will gain confidence in yourself, and be more secure about your abilities in general.

o For example, if purchasing jeans makes you anxious because of the plethora of brands, colors, and styles, then just go with your instincts. Trust yourself and go with whatever feels right to you. And if, in retrospect, you really feel you made a wrong decision, the situation can be easily rectified by exchanging the jeans. However, try to stick to your original choice.

o Buy a shirt next, to go with the jeans. Take your time trying on different styles and colors. When you feel a bit of excitement inside of you, you will know you are making a good decision, so buy it. It is that inner feeling that will help you build self-confidence. You will begin to think, 'If I can do this well, I can do other things well too!'

o Wear your new jeans and shirt the next time you go to meet friends. Show off your outfit. Smile and be proud of yourself because you took the first step of many in gaining confidence in yourself via your ability

to make decisions. The new found confidence comes from your willingness to assert yourself and make a simple decision.

Don't always try to please others. It is great to be considerate of others, but think before sacrificing your own needs to please them. It's completely rational to want to help a loved one or a friend, since that person contributes something to your life. But bending over backwards for strangers, mere acquaintances, or people you don't trust may leave you with the short end of the stick. In short, don't allow yourself to be used.

Be your own person. Don't try to copy anyone else. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best, do not criticize yourself if you fall short of your expectations.

Avoid negative people. People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you're timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be.

Face your fears and learn from your failures. We only fail when we do not make the best out of adversity. When something doesn't go the way we would like it to, there is something to be learned from that, which can be applied next time you are in a similar situation. Get up and try again.

Stop the negative thoughts. Try positive thinking on for size. The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” in relation to self-esteem basically states that whatever you believe about you, whether it be perfect or totally off base, becomes true. If you constantly tell yourself you are stupid or that you will never achieve success, you will in turn act as such. So, make a habit out of saying positive things about yourself and use the self-fulfilling prophecy to your advantage. Look in a mirror and see the good things such as if you have big brown eyes say "Wow I have big cute brown eyes!" or "My freckles are so cute!" Don't stare at yourself or examine yourself from various angles, searching for flaws. Instead, smile at yourself! THAT is who you really are.

Improve your self confidence. You can do this by simply doing things that you make you feel good, like accomplishing something. Accomplishment is the key ingredient to gaining self confidence. Just do it, don't worry about making mistakes. We all make mistakes.

Do something to impress yourself. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or vet's office. Be a Big Brother or Sister. Help someone else. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than seeing how your help can make someone else's load a little lighter. Take a class, study hard, and pass - learn something useful or interesting. It could be photography, oil painting, a literature appreciation class, or beginning guitar. You can do a daring feat: bungee jump off a bridge, skydive, go hang gliding (all with a guide, of course). Or you can do something adventurous. Put past events and thoughts out of your mind and enjoy the moment. Your accomplishment raises self-esteem by raising self confidence.

Don't worry about being "perfect." Aiming for perfection in life is a lost cause because it is different things to different people. Nobody is perfect in the eyes of everyone else, so by trying to be perfect you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Instead, seek to achieve goals. For example, take a class in the visual arts. The visual arts allow you to explore yourself and find "perfection" in "imperfections". This self exploration, artistic knowledge, and the accomplishment of finishing the class can do wonders for your self-esteem.

Learn to appreciate yourself. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, habits, and principles that define who you are and can make you distinctive. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about yourself that you like and less on the ones that you dislike. You can better accomplish this by taking up hobbies and projects that you can do that will make use of your strengths. Additionally, by starting on some projects that emphasize your good traits, it will keep you busy so you will end up spending less time thinking about your weaknesses.

Reward yourself when you succeed. Bask in the glow of your successes. You deserve to have your dreams, and you can make them come true. Believe in yourself completely, and others will also believe and trust in you. When you accomplish something always treat yourself to something wonderful.

Tips

A good trick to starting to build self-confidence is to pick something about yourself that you do like (EVERYONE has as least one aspect about them that they like) and create a phrase: "I'm (aspect) and I'm awesome!" Then pick something that you want to improve: "I'm going to ________ and life will rock even more because ______!" Pick a time to repeat this mantra, like every time you brush your teeth or rub your eyes. Examples: "I'm a good artist! I'm going to be less shy and life will rock even more

because more people will see my art!" "I'm clever! I am going to think things out more to solve minor problems around me. Life is in my control!"

Don't feel like you are not good enough because you have been created the way that you should be, and that is what makes you individual.

Your inner strength will enable you to reach your goals in life. If you fall down, pick yourself up and try again.

As your self confidence builds, you will feel better about yourself, and your self esteem will grow from the inside out.

Not all decisions may turn out to be right ones. Just keep in mind that right or wrong, you are the one who makes the decisions in your life. Because you are responsible for your choices, you have the power to change your situation. Do not let your confidence disappear because you made one wrong choice. Do not let the feeling of self worth that you have built up crumble and fall. There are other choices to be made; believe you can make them, and you will! Remember that most people will tell you that they would rather regret things they did do than things they didn't do. Be bold! And comfort yourself, if something doesn't quite work as well as hoped, that at least you tried something.

Choices are made by individuals and their ability look deeply into themselves and say 'I can do that' or 'I would like that'.

Decisions will not be only about what to buy or wear. We have to make decisions all of our lives about many details, circumstances, and people. It can be where to live, what type of person to marry, a choice of a job or career, where to go to school, or whether or not to go on to College. It could be if you move to another State, or to another country.

Every day look at yourself in the mirror. Try to find something to admire about yourself, and try to say some positive things about yourself and your accomplishments and achievements.

Make sure your self talk is positive at all times. Tell yourself how great you are, or how good you look today, anything positive about yourself to help you feel confident. Make being positive your natural state of being.

Visualize yourself being surrounded by people, who are patting you on the back or shaking your hand, or standing clapping you. Visualization is a very powerful tool to use.

The most important thing of all is that you have to believe in yourself. If you believe you can, then you will be able to.

Once you convince your subconscious the way you want to be, you will find that you will start to become far more confident and life will be the way you want it.

Be assertive. Boosting your self-esteem is all about getting what you need/want. So do things for your own sake. Remember, you must help yourself first before you can help others. You can't lose or give away what you don't have so be selfish and when you come to a higher level to yourself you can start helping others with lower self-esteem. And at the end only you will recollect what you have done and define who you are and what you're about.

Listen to a song that suits your mood. There is a song for almost everything! When you jam to a favorite tune that you can relate to, it gives you confidence.

Don't let the 21st century take advantage of you. Magazine ads and other media tries to take away your self confidence for marketing purposes. Don't let people who don't know you tell you how to feel or what to strive for. You choose your own path. Choose people YOU admire, whether they are famous figures or just people you know, to be your role models. No one is perfect in every way, but often, people who we see doing good in the world can inspire us to do better as well. Don't let media tell you who to be, think about it and decide for yourself.

Warnings

Some decisions will involve another person, a medical decision, or where to live if you marry. Therefore, some decisions may have to be made jointly. You might have to compromise, but once your self confidence becomes something that you can rely upon, that inner fe of self worth will guide you through tough joint decisions. In compromise, self confidence matters a lot, because you need to trust yourself to do your best.

The opposite feeling of self-esteem is anxiety. But don't immediately dismiss this feeling. Feeling anxious is not a good nor a bad feeling. It's just a mechanism of yourself of telling you that there's something wrong and you need to act upon it. Anxiety is the fuel to responding to what is wrong and thus developing self esteem.

Be careful not to act as though you are better than others. Even if you are, true self confidence leads you down the path of modesty and respect for others. Your self-esteem is something that fills you up and helps light your way through life. Pomp, conceit, inability to compromise, and disrespect for the self-esteem of others are merely masks for inner insecurity and weakness. People who try to hide behind these aren't fooling anyone.

Everyone goes through the phases of feeling low or high i.e. low or high self esteem. This happens especially; if you judge yourself by your successes or failures (as others do). If you learn to estimate

yourself by the nature of actions (e.g. their benefit to the society), then you are likely to develop high self esteem (respect yourself) without any disrespect or bitterness about others. .

How to Stop Procrastinating

Procrastination can lead to many problems, such as tests failed, weight gained, relationships weakened. But you can change your habits! Here's how:

Steps

Examine the amount of time procrastinating. You may be shocked by the time wasted in front of the television. Why don't you find out by using a timer?

Examine the effect. What lies ahead? Chances are, you will benefit from facing the task head on.

Set reasonable goals.

o Allow time to complete things.o Set time aside for the unexpected.

Create a new habit. You may not want to do your work right now, but you can still be thinking about how to do it more quickly and efficiently.

o Scan through your work.o Decide how you will proceed while watching television.o Give yourself a time limit. Watch television for a half hour, then initiate the first few steps.

Approach each task in small intervals. This may seem less daunting.

o A half hour or one hour may be a reasonable amount of time to concentrate before taking a break.

o Divide a task over a week, month or several hours.

Just get started. Going from doing nothing to doing something is often the hardest part. Imagine how good you will feel when everything is off your mind.

o It takes about 15 minutes after starting to become engaged. Good news! .. Once you've reached this level of engagement, you will see that it is hard to stop!

o Sit down, block out any distractions (all electronics!), and dive in!

Reward yourself along the way. The reward that lies ahead may not be enough to motivate you now. Reward yourself with a break, a movie or some kind of treat as you progress.

Stay focused. Say "no" to picking up the guitar, playing a DVD or texting your friends. Build confidence in your ability to make choices.

Don't expect perfection. No one is perfect. It's better to try your best than do nothing at all.

o You may procrastinate in order to give yourself an excuse for a subpar performance. This cycle is self-defeating.

o Remember: An imperfect job done today is always superior to the perfect job delayed indefinitely.

Ask for help. You don't have to do it alone. Try a course in time management.

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Start with the hardest part first. You'll attack it while you're energetic and enthusiastic. Encourage yourself by knowing that all the rest of the job will be easier.

Avoid saying yes. Don't start taking on too many tasks at once. Be sure you really have the time. Don't work on a project if you're tired, in a distracting location or not thinking ahead.

A very good audio CD/cassette is "Make Your Mind Work for You: New Mind Power Techniques to Improve Memory, Beat Procrastination and More" by Joan Minninger.

You can provide yourself with an extra measure of motivation by using the Best Me Technque of self-hypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal, thereby reducing or eliminating the need for "will power."

Several books are highly recommended, such as:

o "Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It" by Jane B. Burka, Lenora M., Ph.D. Yueno "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free

Play" by Neil Fiore.o "Beat Procrastination and Make the Grade : A Life-Saving Guide for Students" by Linda

Sapadin and Jack Maguire.*2. Stop reading this article (as good as it is) and just get on with it!

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. — Oscar Wilde

Being yourself is celebrating you, as an individual - learning to express yourself and be happy with who you are. For some people, it's learning to love yourself, for others, it's not hiding who you are or changing things about you to fit in. So read on to know how to express the inner you.

edit Steps

Define yourself. You can't be yourself if you don't know, understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal to find this out. Try to take time to yourself and contemplate your life and choices. Try to think about what kind of things you would or wouldn't like to do, and act accordingly; finding out through trial and error helps more than you might think it does. You can even take personality tests, but be careful to only take what you want from them and not let them define you. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you've made; they're done and in the past, so there is no use crying over spilled milk.

Stop caring about how people perceive you. The fact is, it really doesn't matter. It's impossible to be yourself when you're caught up in wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid?" To be yourself, you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter — not their consideration of you. Besides, if you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go around in a vicious cycle trying to please people; it's totally pointless in the end, and it leaves you exhausted. However, if someone you trust and respect critiques aspects of who you are, feel free to judge (honestly) whether or not it is accurate instead of accepting or dismissing the critique unconditionally.

Be honest and open. What have you got to hide? We're all imperfect, growing, learning human beings. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself — and you feel that you have to hide those parts of you, whether physically or emotionally — then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks. Be honest with yourself, but don't beat yourself up; apply this philosophy to others, as well. There is a difference between being critical and being honest; learn to watch the way you say things to yourself and others when being honest.

Relax. Stop worrying about the worst that could happen, especially in social situations. So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you're not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too. It's also an attractive quality for someone to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously!

Develop and express your individuality. Whether it's your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream, then be proud of it... unless it's destructive to yourself or others. Be a character, not a type.

Have a productive day. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and that some days you are the statue. People might raise eyebrows and even make fun, but as long as you can shrug and say "Hey, that's just me" and leave it at that, people will ultimately respect you for it, and you'll respect yourself.

Believe in who you are. If you're always working to be someone you're not, you'll never be a happy person. Be yourself and show the world you're proud of the way you are! Nobody knows you better than you and that's how it should be. You deserve to be your own best friend, so start trying to figure out how you can do that. If you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the most fun type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. Love and accept yourself as you are now.

Follow your own style. The common thing a lot of people do is copy other's actions because it seems like the better route to fit in, but really, shouldn't you stand out? Standing out is very hard, yes, but you need to try avoid assuming other people's perspectives of you. Even if it's not something you would normally do; that's what being yourself is all about. Maybe you like to sit outside on the deck under an umbrella in the middle of the rain, maybe you have different ideas of things, rather than other people, maybe you like strawberry cake instead of the common chocolate cake, whatever you are, accept it. Being different is absolutely beautiful and it attracts people to you.

edit Tips

There's a big difference between being yourself and being rude.You might have your opinions, dreams, and preferences, but so does everyone else. You shouldn't disrespect people who disagree with you; they have the privilege of being themselves just as you do. Conversely, don't agree with something you honestly don't think is right; just don't try to force your opinions on other people.

If fads or trends strike your fancy, don't avoid them! Being yourself is all about reflecting who you are inside in what you do, and what you like is what you like, no matter how trendy it is (or not trendy, for that matter)!

As the famous song goes, "Life's not worth a damn, until you can say 'I am what I am.' " When you can sincerely say it, you will know that you can be yourself.

If the people you care about are setting standards for you they are trying to change who you are. Even if you are interested in something that doesn't interest most people, don't be afraid or hide it; stand

up and show your true inner self. People will know how confident you are. Don't worry about anything but being yourself and living life to the fullest! If you have a habit that helps you escape your worries, e.g gaming or browsing the internet, stop going

and face yourself and your insecurities. In some cases, reducing Internet dependency might help you feel more "connected" to yourself. It may

be easier to nurture your individuality without the perpetual distractions of the Internet. Try not going online for a while, and if this leads you to start feeling better about yourself, then you may want to consider replacing all the excess time you spend on the Internet with offline activities, such as hobbies or clubs.

Think about it this way: Being your weird, goofy self has some ups and downs. Some people might think you're weird, call you names behind your back, or laugh at you. But by far the majority of people will have the utmost respect for you because you are brave enough to stand up to these things. People want to make friends with people who have something special about them: whether they make them feel good, have a different sense of humor, or even something as simple as being a great cook. If everyone on the planet had the same attitude or personality, the world would be a boring place.

edit Warnings

It needs to be understood that "being yourself" does not have anything to do with forcing yourself to just do whatever you desire or pretending that you don't care how others perceive you. It is actually the process of listening to your inner feelings and maintaining personal integrity. If you are truly uncomfortable with your pimples or your size and that is impeding your self esteem, work on these things. If you are constantly getting angry and this makes you feel alienated, work on it.

Just because you don't care about how people perceive you doesn't mean you shouldn't be aware of it, especially in situations where being yourself might be misinterpreted. For example, you might enjoy being friendly and flirtatious, but in some cultures, that might be perceived as a sexual invitation, and you could get yourself in trouble.

Don't lose yourself when you're with other friends. Be yourself. Don't be someone else so other people will like you; in the end, you would end up hurting other people and losing yourself.

Don't think that being yourself means that you cannot change who you are. You want to be a person that you can be proud of, so if there is some way you can improve yourself, go for it. Don't allow your shortcomings to discourage you, but don't ignore them either.

Make sure that you can show the same "you" to everyone consistently. If you feel the need to be secretive about something wrong you've done, you are not really being yourself; it will show and misunderstandings will occur. Do what's right. You cannot truly be yourself unless you can face yourself.

Keep in mind that 'being yourself' is not always the right thing to do. Would you tell a despicable person to just be himself and not change a thing? No. Most of the time when people in general perceive you a certain way, it means you don't fit in to your society. Whether you want to fit in or not is up to you, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble when you neglect society's ways. (That is, unless you decide to live in a cave for the rest of your life.)

Nobody is perfect. However, if you are outrageously flawed (for example, have a short temper), then you should look into some self-improvement rather than ignoring everyone's cues and "being yourself." Don't deny yourself of the truth by saying it's everyone else's problem and not yours. You'll only be hurting yourself in the long run.

While you're being you, remember that "you" might have your flaws that might need to be changed, but only for the better (materialistic things/personality do not count, such as your favorite bag that everybody ridicules, or if you talk quietly). Goals and bad habits count. Say, you have bad acne and you've been stressing on it for a while. Don't say "well, 'I' have bad acne, and I want to be myself, so I'll give up on getting rid of it." Or if you have some bad habits, don't say "it's a part of me, that's the way it is," because you can still change yourself for the better and in ways which will make you grow.

Being yourself can be cool and can get people to notice you, but don't overdo it. Sometimes it's good to just go with the flow and not stick out like a sore thumb

Try not to mock people different to you; for all you know others could be making fun of you! Be better than them by setting an example.

How to Accept Who You Are

So, you've been trying to change yourself, and you've decided you might as well give up, but you aren't sure how. So, here you go. Hope this helps...

edit Steps

Realize that you aren't going to change anything by putting yourself down. It won't help you accept who you are, it will only make you fall head over heels in depression.

Let go of your flaws. Everyone has them. Don't feel bad.

Build up your self confidence. Don't stay in your room. Get out and about.

Do something that you've always wanted to do, but haven't for some reason. If you want to take ballet, and you've been afraid that someone will tease you, go, shoot for the stars. If you've wanted to ask that girl/guy out, but don't want to be teased over it, who cares? You can go out with whoever you want to.

Don't listen to anyone that puts you down. You are you. They can think what they want. Right?

Try to do your best in everything. Just let go of fear in general.

Find a way to express yourself. Whether it be dance or scripts...

edit Tips

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Be assertive. Change negative thoughts into Positive thoughts. Always believe in yourself. Do something that helps you forget your limitations and connects you to the infinite source of energy

and wisdom.

edit Warnings

Be careful, do not have too much confidence or else you will appear as a snob.

How to Have a Balanced Lifestyle

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." - Thomas Merton. Happiness can only be achieved if there is a balance between the physical, the mental, the spiritual and the social/emotional. However, intensity does help on occasion.

Steps

Physical

Get sufficient exercise. Regular push ups, sit-ups, crunches, jogging or walking are examples.

Get sufficient rest. About eight hours of sleep helps the body repair itself.

Eat healthy. Look online and find the food pyramid, then try balancing your caloric intake with your exercise.

Find time to relax. Just lie down and think about what you did. Think positive thoughts or take up a relaxing hobby.

Pick a hobby that you enjoy. Hobbies can counter daily stress.

Mental

Plan out your day, and set goals. But don't stress out if you don't accomplish everything just the way you planned. Remain flexible and try different approaches to your goals.

Write but keep it positive. No negative thoughts.

Find out and develop your talents. Go out and do activities to find what you like and then pursue the one or two that strike your fancy.

Keep a diary or journal.

Read. Try classics such as Shakespeare or Jane Austen. However, current news publications may be more to your liking.

Try to set goals that are reasonable to achieve.

Spiritual

Pray effectively or meditate and learn different types of asana, such as: the lotus, the tree, the snake, etc.

Communicate with nature. Go outside, hike, go camping, or have fishing trip.

If you are reliigious, study the Bible, Qu'ran, Geeta, Ramayana, Guru Grant Sahib any Psalms, etc. Learn about Heaven and Jesus Christ, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.

Social/Emotional

Do a good deed for other people.

Cooperate with other people that you meet.

Listen to other people. There is difference between just hearing the words and actually paying attention and listening to them.

Synergize mutually advantageous compatibility of elements, resources or efforts.

Material

Get a good education. To get a good self-supporing job, master the skills necessary for your advancement. That way, you will not be dependent upon anyone else.

The job has to be the one you love. "Love it or leave it."

Money is not that important. Happiness is the most important thing. Remember people on Forbes 100 are no more happier than average people.

Tips

Obsessions may be an indication you are not living a balanced live since you are dependent on that thing to be happy. If you live a balanced life you will find joy in almost everything you do. Some a bit more than others but your happiness will originate from inside of you and not from external sources.

Think positively without any no's or not's, like instead of, "I will not fail," think, "I will succeed." It's better. Live in the present. Never live in the past or future; just do what you want right in that moment, for the

past cannot be changed, and the future will inevitably turn into the present. Mind your own business, and keep your mind off other people's daily lives.

How to Motivate Yourself

A simple guide to getting back up after a tough figurative fall.

Steps

Think through a set of goals that sound like what you want, and try to be specific. The key to most motivation remains setting goals, but you can't just pick any goals.

Make it general. Let's say you want a Corvette specifically, are you really saying you want a new car, or maybe just a car you can stop worrying about? Getting yourself to a reliable car is a goal that is easier to achieve and accomplishes the need you had from the get go. This is not copping out--no one needs a Corvette.

Do this with all of the goals you have, do not simply pick ones that sound good like most people pick New Year's resolutions. If the goals you set for yourself make your life easier or more rewarding, they are probably the type you need to focus on.

Cut pictures out of the car that you want, or the TV, stereo, golf clubs, whatever you are aiming for, and put them up somewhere you can see them every day. On the fridge door, or on the wall next to the computer. When you look say "That's my car" or "That's my TV". Visualizing these items as yours will help keep you motivated.

Anyone who has had serious issues with motivation knows that someone telling you to "stay motivated" is a bit daft, since you weren't in a motivated state to begin with, and as such, is hard to stay in. However anyone can get themselves motivated.

Make your goals in the very beginning small. If you write out a long list of things that are really valuable for you to do, and then you mess one up, you're going back to starting at zero and you will likely feel pretty badly. Instead make a list for each day, and at first, only put down maybe 3 or 4 things, a set of activities that might take you 2 or 3 hours.

If you can do that, then a week later start adding things in about an hour at a time and build up. It's like doing pushups in the Army, the first day you get there and feel terrible because you can't keep up with the physical training, but you build up to it. Goals and mental attitudes are the same way. You have to make it a series of small steps. Don't set yourself up for failure by reaching too high at first. You can always reach higher the next week. There's no limit here, so pace yourself.

Rely upon yourself for the motivation and the drive. Other people do not have and will never have the same vested interest in your success. Motivation and success is a function of habit. You must break your bad habit of procrastination, and replace it with one of good planning. The most successful people in the world aren't always the brightest, or the best looking, but no matter what other talents or gifts they have been blessed with, they have underpinning their self esteem a series of victories over tasks both large and small. This is how you learn anything in school, gain confidence dating, and everything else in life.

Don't just think that you're the best, prove it to yourself. Your opinion matters the most in your own motivation, but you know when you're pulling your own leg as to your accomplishments. It's far easier to just start dealing with your responsibilities and knowing, with an incredibly strong epistemic justification (by which I mean, you KNOW this) that you can handle what comes up because you have before, than trying to know you can tackle it because you're all warm and fuzzy inside. Warm and fuzzy accomplishes very little, but neither does beating yourself up.

Reward yourself when you complete a part of your task, your mind will recognise this and you will want to do whatever you did to give yourself a treat more.

Get back up if you fall. Start again. Start where you are comfortable. Getting back up to try again, no matter how small that task, goal, activity, errand, or whim; If you can complete it, you are already back on your way. Get up, don't look back. Cheers!

Tips

Focus yourself and your availability: your time and space management. If you can organize your time and work out something that will allow you to build on your motivation and do something to allow you to achieve your goals, you will actually get somewhere.

That's about it. You are the one doing this. Whatever you accomplish, was your doing. Not this article or your mates who encouraged you, but yours. Don't brag, it makes you seem daft. Just keep going. You'll be amazed what you'll end up taking on and completing in short time

Think about a time that you motivated yourself and saw the benefits. If you can imagine the end goal, in it's entirety and then focus on that image subconsciously your mind

will figure out how to do it. So the more you believe it the easier it will be to motivate your self. You can provide yourself with an extra measure of motivation by using the Best Me Technique of self-

hypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal, thereby reducing or eliminating the need for "will power."

Warnings

There are things that will occur that you must do, studying for exams for instance. With any luck you will be reading this well before your exams, because you should be studying for your exams all semester... now shouldn't you? Procrastination is the opposite of motivation in our day to day lives. Remember, do a bit a day. When your exams come around you won't be sweating like everyone else. Now /that/ is positive reinforcement.

Do not rely on thinking happy thoughts. Know that you can do it from experience. CONSULT YOUR MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL if this lack of motivation has been paired with feelings of

depression, loneliness, bouts of crying, thoughts of hurting yourself or others, etcetera. Clinical Depression is a serious illness that results from chemicals in the brain being quite literally out of balance. Clinical Depression is treatable, many times it is not something which will follow you your whole life, and anyone who thinks it is can bugger off. It's your life, be careful with it, and seeing a doctor if you're the least bit concerned might cost a bit of coin, but could be priceless to have a professional talk to you, and see how he or she can help.

Things You'll Need

Pen Paper Confidence In Yourself Motivation From Others (optional, but more encouraging)

The next time somebody tells you that setting goals is really a lot of hype, tell him this: if life is a journey, how will you get there if you don’t have an itinerary? Goals tell you where you are going, how you are going to get there and what you will do when you get there.

edit Steps

You have to decide what you want first of all. The problem with so many people is that they do not know what they really want. In other words they are not at all clear about what they want in life. Setting your goals, needs you to make a decision about that which you want, and determine when you want to have achieved that thing. In other words you must put a deadline to what you currently want. Get clear about what you want.

Have a good plan of attack. Ask yourself:

o What do I know about this?o What information do I have?o What information do I need? Where can I get it?o What skills do I need to master?o What other resources should I use?o Is this the best way to do it, or is there some other way?

Start small, but keep walking. Goals don’t necessarily have to be big ones. When you set your goal too high, you might find it too overwhelming and time consuming and just give up, or make another one, just as big. It’s akin to quitting cold turkey – there are setbacks.

Set goals in small increments, complete with time, dates, amount, some details. If you tell yourself, “I’m going to be an opera singer” and then sit around and wait for it to suddenly happen, you could be waiting all your life. Start with singing lessons for a month, and then a year and expose yourself to opera music. You can then progress to more singing lessons year after year. By breaking down your goals in smaller, workable units, you are more likely to make them come true. Remember, even the great ones had to start somewhere.

Be positive when stating your goals. Instead of saying, “I am not going to miss my exercise routine today,” say “I’m really busy, so I’ll probably just make time for 20 minutes on the treadmill.” Stating your goal positively will help you view it as a good thing to do, and not as a byproduct of what you had to avoid.

Spread out your goals. So maybe we do have certain general goals that apply to all areas of our lives like, “I want to be successful” or “I want to be rich” but those would seem as far away as the Niagara Falls viewed from Hawaii. Instead, try making tiny goals for different aspects of your life, one or two for each, even more if you like. These areas are: family and home, career, social, physical, mental and spiritual. If you say, “I want to be a successful dad,” then try to make goals towards the development of your family life while still keeping an eye out for ways to improve your career and other areas of your life.

Don’t underestimate yourself. It’s tempting to sometimes just slack off, or let yourself off too easy. If you want to write the definitive American novel, then don’t try to churn out just a page or two a day when you know you are more than capable of writing five pages, even ten. The fear of failure is sometimes to blame for setting our goals too low. How often have we said, “I don’t really want to volunteer for that project ‘cause I might screw it up. And then my colleagues will make fun of me.”

Remember that some fears are unfounded. How do you know you’ll actually ruin it? And how do you know for sure your coworkers will laugh at your effort? If you try to reason with your fears, more often than not, you’ll realize that there really is no reason for you to be reluctant and that in fact, you can do it.

Write it down. Putting your A list of long term goals, arranged as stepping-stones.

goal down on paper is more than just memorizing it. You are actually confirming your willingness to make it come true. A written list of goals is an effective reminder of what you need to do and once you’re done, a good review of your accomplishment. A simple list on a piece of notebook paper is fine, or using a computer program to really jazz it up works just as well. You may want to hang it up somewhere, as a constant reminder to work toward your goals: inside your closet, the back of your medicine cabinet door, or on your bulletin board near your desk.

Affirm it. Affirmation is really more than writing down, “I am going to buy my $750,000 home by Christmas” twenty times. It’s actually being conscious not only of your thought processes, but also of your acts during the day.

If you’re trying to save money and then you pass by a shop window where a great pair of shoes seems to have your name on it, think, “If I buy those shoes, would I be making my goal of saving easier? Will I be able to meet my deadline if I splurge just this once? A few months from now if I don’t meet my deadline because I didn't save enough, would I feel good about it?”

Stop procrastinating. So you’ve heard this before. Big deal. Well, it is. Time wastage is one of the greatest crimes in history. If Henry Ford put off studying and tinkering with machines for another time, someone else would have improved on automobiles and he wouldn't have gone down in history as a pioneer. If you’re used to procrastination, being bullheaded about a goal can seem scary at first. Try to set a schedule and then reward yourself each time you meet it.

Start inculcating the habit of liking something. The most difficult thing is to LIKE something useful. For example we may like that particular model, star, lazing around with friends, to impress the opposite sex etc...but do they give us any long term returns? They just look jazzy for a small period of time and again life is as usual, that which has no achievement. .Our mind generally rejects any conscious attempt to focus on any worthwhile goal. Some really lucky souls subconsciously liked these worthwhile goals and made it big. Many of us focus subconsciously on these petty things such as entertainment, celebrities etc...and when time comes for focusing on big ones we back out because we have an already loaded negative image of that goal. It is simply a misinterpreted relativity. No reason to feel worthless before a big goal just because we have been LIKING petty goals. You need to think big, when you are setting goals, think great thoughts. You must also crystallize your thinking, make it clear to you first, then write it down.

edit Tips

Small decisions can have a great impact on you working towards your goal. Remember that your goals are your road maps to success in life. Without them, you can lose your way. Although you can always retrace your steps, you might not have the time, opportunity, energy or resources you once had when you could have made your goals happen one by one.

Listen to people who you respect and ask for their advice. Remember, you don't have to like the person to respect them.

Being active in life is most effective. Try visualizing the outcome at a time in the future. It will become apparent that to set definite time in the future is obtainable. That would be the "when". The How comes with gathering information about resources and education. We often have to correct our course but at the same time keep a focus on our vision or dream. To began a journey starts with a step but I might add, which direction and what foot-ware. You see, if you must have your eyes set on your vision or the outcome. upon starting the journey you will encounter objections and self doubt. That is why everyone must develope the habit of the daily motivational in as many forms as being effective to stay focused.

How to Hypnotize Yourself Using the Best Me Technique

Lessen or eliminate the need for will power.

The "Best Me Technique" is a form of hyperempiria, or suggestion-enhanced experience, which involves your whole person in the content of a suggested event. Every letter in "Best Me" corresponds with an element of suggestion, and these elements can be applied in a variety of ways: to place yourself into self-hypnosis, to pre-experience the accomplishment of a goal, and to end your self-hypnosis session. It's the versatility and thoroughness of these elements that makes the "Best Me Technique" distinct from meditation and visualization exercises, and from other forms of hypnosis and self hypnosis. Instead of merely picturing something in the mind’s eye, the Best Me Technique enables you to paint upon the canvas of experience almost any masterpiece you may desire.

If you are one of the experientially gifted who respond well to suggestion, this article will show you how to use "Best Me" suggestions to pre-experience the rewards of future goals now, at full strength in the present when they are most needed for motivation, lessening or eliminating the need for will power. Instead of having to push yourself to do the work, you will be free to push the work alone. (It's also a great way to relax and fall asleep, or take a power nap!)

edit Steps

Unless you actually intend to do so, choose a time when you are not too sleepy or tired, so that you are not likely to doze off.

Dark

Find a quiet place with subdued lighting, where you are not likely to be disturbed for at least half an hour.

Turn off your cell phone or pager, if you have one, and take the telephone off the hook or put it on answer mode with the ringer turned off.

Sit down or lie down in a position which will enable you to relax deeply. If you should find yourself becoming uncomfortable during the session, it should not disturb you to gently adjust your position in order to keep yourself as comfortable as possible..

Guide yourself through the elements of the Best Me Technique. After reading over the following script a couple of times to get the idea, go through the steps of the Best Me Technique yourself, using words and images with which you feel most comfortable, and at a pace which allows you to get the most out of the experience. Just as we combine words and pictures on wikiHow pages in order to communicate more effectively, we often pair words and images together in hypnosis in order to strengthen the effect of our suggestions. The present example uses imagery of lying in a grassy flower covered meadow beside a gently flowing brook to help you relax as you go through the elements of the Best Me Technique in your mind, but not everyone responds equally well to the same images. Regardless of the words and images you actually use (see suggestions in the Tips section below) Your purpose is not to achieve a trance (which only a few people actually do), but to put yourself into a relaxed and pleasant frame of mind where your imagination can operate more effectively.

o Belief systems: Imagine that it’s a warm summer afternoon, and that you’re lying on a blanket in a grassy daisy covered meadow, about a Twenty feet from a gently bubbling brook. If you accept, believe each detail of the scene as you describe it to yourself, without trying to think critically, your imagination will allow you to experience the situation just as if you were really there.

o Emotions: Let your body absorb the peacefulness which is all around you, as the clouds float by making shapes and the sun shines warmly down, driving out all of your worry, all of your tension, and all of your care, and leaving you filled with perfect, infinite, boundless peace, calm, and tranquility.

o Sensations and physical perceptions: Feel the cool breeze upon your skin, and savor the freshness of the pure, country air. Listen to the twitter of the birds in the distance, and the sound of the water quietly splashing against the rocks you gently melt into the blanket, and that warm, golden glow of the sunlight relaxes you completely from head to toe.

o Thoughts and images: It’s so calm, and so peaceful there on the meadow with birds and bees busy at their work, that all you want to do is keep drifting, and dreaming, and floating on, and on. Then, you can just drift on into, peaceful, state of self-hypnosis by silently counting backwards from ten to one, repeating in time with your breathing after each count: "Sinking down, and shutting down, and sinking down and shutting down. And the deeper you go, the more peaceful the experience becomes."

o Motives: At this point, you can either keep repeating these suggestions to yourself until you drift off to sleep, or you can use the building blocks of the Best Me Technique to pre-experience the rewards of a future goal. If you are in the Mortgage Business, for example, you might proceed somewhat as illustrated in the breakdown which follows this section, using words of your own choosing to provide the greatest meaning. As you proceed through each step, take a moment to clarify and intensify it in your mind, so that you feel each portion of the experience as strongly as possible.

o Expectations: As you go through each step, believe it will happen, expect it to happen, and feel it happening, just as strongly as if you were willing it into being at that very moment. The exact number of repetitions is not as important as the clarity and conviction with which you feel like you are willing your convictions into existence.

If you are inclined to doubt whether or not you have achieved self-hypnosis after a few minutes, you probably have.

o Decades of research have shown that people vary considerably in their responses to hypnosis. For many people, there is no such thing as a "hypnotized" feeling.

o An induction procedure is like the theme music to a motion picture or a television drama. It allows us to shift our thinking from a strictly logical mode of thought to a more flexible, more imaginative way of looking at the world. And we can all do that!

edit Experiencing the Rewards of a Future Goal

If you can believe in it, you can believe it. And if you can believe it, you can make it happen!

Choose the goal. This example illustrates the accomplishment of a specific goal: graduation. You can increase the incentive value of the Best Me Technique still further by pre-experiencing other rewarding aspects of your goal, such as celebrating at a graduation party with friends and family, or relaxing on the deck of a cruise ship as you treat yourself to a much-deserved vacation after your goal has been achieved. You may also want to pre-experience the rewards of sub-goals along the way, such as completing a unit of study, presenting a paper, or passing a major examination while overcoming the stress that goes with it, secure in the knowledge that you are on the way to a pre-determined and inevitable success. Of course, the Best Me Technique can also be used to enhance performance in other areas, such as singing, dance, athletics, creative writing, motivating yourself to work out, or starting your own business. It may also be a helpful part of a program to lose weight, stop smoking, or to rid yourself of other forms of addiction.

Take all the time you need in order to thoroughly pre-experience the attainment of your goal, using whatever order and wording you prefer, as long as you include all of the "Best Me" steps. Allow yourself to experience each step as strongly as possible, but don't just daydream. Hyperempiria is like riding a bicycle. It takes a while to get the hang of it, but after a bit of practice it feels very natural. You can generally tell how well you are doing in your BMT experience by how good it makes you feel.

o (B) Imagine yourself in the future, at the very moment you recieve your statement showing your income .

o (E) Feel the admiring looks of your friends and family upon you, and enjoy to the fullest your sense of pride and accomplishment as you dwell on the glow of your success.

o (S) See it happen, hear it happen, and feel it happening, as you allow yourself to experience this thrill of achievement throughout every part of your body, from head to toe.

o (T) Visualize this goal so clearly that it feels as if you were actually willing it into existence.o (M) Let yourself believe that you are headed toward a certain and inevitable success.o (E) And as a result, allow yourself to act, think, and feel as if it were impossible to fail.

edit Concluding Your BMT Session

When you have finished, you can simply allow yourself to drift off into a natural sleep, or you conclude your self-hypnosis session by using suggestions similar to the following. (You don't need to memorize them, as long as you include each step of the Best Me Technique in a way that you feel comfortable with.)

o Belief systems: Whenever you are ready, you can silently think to yourself that you will gradually emerge from self-hypnosis as you silently count from one to five, telling yourself that by the time you get to five, you are going to be back in the everyday state of consciousness in which we spend most of our waking lives.

o Emotions: You are going to be feeling thrilled and delighted by the exciting experiences you have had.o Sensations and physical perceptions: Your entire body will feel happy, rested, and refreshed.o Thoughts and images: Your mind will be clear and alert, and you will easily be able to concentrate on

anything that you have to do.o Motives: And each time that you return to these peaceful dimensions of self-hypnosis, you will find a

deep, inner core of peace and happiness at the very center of your being, that nothing can weaken, nothing can dislodge, and nothing can overcome, which will give you the faith and the strength that you need to accomplish your goals, and turn each new day into a thing of wondrous beauty.

o Expectations: And because you can unconsciously sense your own needs better than anyone else, each time that you return to these blissful dimensions of multimodal trance, it will improve your life in many different ways and on many different levels, some of which you may already be aware of and some of which you may not yet realize.

Now you can silently count to yourself from one to five, telling yourself that at the count of five you will be back wide awake and feeling wonderful, using words like this: One. Beginning to return now, as your mind begins to return to its normal level of functioning. Two. You will be smiling, happy, and confident as you prepare to resume your life’s adventure. Three. Coming back more and more now. Four. Almost back. Five. You can open your eyes now, feeling wonderful. You can open your eyes now, feeling wonderful.

edit Tips

The building blocks of a Best Me experience need not be conceptually "pure." The purpose of the Best Me Technique is comprehensiveness; and each part of a Best Me experience may contain elements of the others.

Many other types of imagery are appropriate for use with the Best Me Technique.o You can select any "happy place," real or imagined, which makes you feel safe, secure, and contented

-- floating around high above the earth on a soft pink cloud, relaxing in a grassy meadow beside a gently running brook, or a specific memory of a place in your past, and build your Best Me induction suggestions on one of these, using the present illustration as a guide.

o Or, if you prefer, you can systematically and thoroughly relax from head to toe as you go through the steps of the induction one by one.

o You can also use hyperempiric inductions (Gibbons, 2000, 2001), based on increased alertness, mind expansion, and enhanced awareness and sensitivity, in contrast to more traditional hypnotic inductions based on suggestions of lethargy, drowsiness, and sleep.[1]

o If you already know how to perform self-hypnosis, you may prefer to use your own induction at the beginning, and then use the Best Me Technique for goal achievement.

o If you prefer, you can prepare your mind to pre-experience the rewards of a future goal using the Best Me Technique by meditating instead of using self-hypnosis. In other words, use meditation for induction, then proceed to using the Best Me Technique for pre-experiencing your goal.

You should focus on only one goal per session, rather than making up a "laundry list" of things to pursue. Having too many goals at once might tend to interfere with your ability to clearly focus your imagination on the rewards of goal attainment.

Regular practice using the Best Me Technique is essential until your long-term goal has been achieved. (When you are driving a car, you don't want to turn off the ignition until you have arrived at your destination!)

o By including suggestions which define self-hypnosis as a pleasant and beneficial experience in itself, when it is properly done the Best Me Technique should be an enjoyable and beneficial activity from the very start, and not merely another task to be accomplished.

o If other thoughts should start to distract you during your BMT session, just passively observe them and let them go, as one might do while practicing meditation.

o With practice, you should soon be able to reach your natural level of self hypnosis rather quickly, and conclude your self-hypnosis session rather quickly, without taking the time to go through all the steps as thoroughly as at the beginning. (If you are using BMT to fall asleep, for example, you don't need to complete the count all the way down to one if you feel yourself beginning to drift off.)

Although most experts now agree that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis, some people may find it easier to have a trusted friend guide them through the steps of the Best Me Technique, much as a personal trainer might be able to provide the optimum amount of pacing and encouragement during a physical workout. Others might prefer to think of the role of the hypnotist as similar to an Eastern guru or meditation teacher. This will also provide the extra motivation and encouragement of a relationship with another person. As Dr. Irving Yalom (1989) famously observed, "It's the relationship that heals. It's the relationship that heals. It's the relationship that heals. My professional rosary."

o Still others might do best using a combination of self-hypnosis and Best Me sessions directed by another.

o Recordings are also used to extend the effectiveness of hypnotic suggestions provided by someone else (or you can make your own).

o If you prefer to use an extended set of suggestions provided by someone else, a sample script for the graduation ceremony just described is available free of charge at www.hyperempiria.com.

o You may need to experiment a bit to find which method or combination works best for you. No matter who is actually providing the suggestions, the most important thing to remember as you

Define a Problem and compose BMT suggestions to correct it, is that in order to be completely believed, a suggestion must be completely believed in.

o Regardless of the extent to which psychic abilities are involved when you believe in a goal deeply enough, as some people have claimed, If you can believe in it, you can believe it. And if you can believe it, you can make it happen!

o If you should find that you need to Build Self Confidence in order to pursue a much-desired goal, and if self-help books and articles are not useful enough, you may need to seek the services of a psychologist,

counselor, clinical social worker, or life coach to provide the necessary support and encouragement, and to help you plan as you go along.

o If you are finding it difficult to put the necessary degree of conviction into your suggestions to Accomplish a Goal, you may need to go back and analyze your goal to see if there are any hidden conflicts which may be preventing you from focusing completely upon its achievement.

Don't forget the importance of "environmental engineering." In addition to using self-hypnosis, you need to make whatever changes you have to in your daily life in order to bring your goal to completion.

Hyperempiria can also be used to add new dimensions of fulfillment to a wide variety of other experiences, from adding new dimensions to sexual experience and increasing the frequency and intensity of orgasm to facilitating meditation and prayer.[2]

edit Warnings

The willingness to take calculated risks is an important part of what makes us human.

*There is an old saying which goes, "Be careful what you wish for, you may get it." The sudden expansion in the range of what we are able to accomplish is always fraught with danger, because we can never fully predict all the consequences of our actions. This point has been illustrated extensively in fable and in literature. For example,in Greek legend, Icarus fell to his death when, exulting in his new-found power of flight, he ignored his father’s warnings and flew too near the sun, which melted his wings. Macbeth, in Shakespeare’s play, acted upon the prophecies of the three witches to make himself king, only to be impaled upon the sword of his enemy. But our willingness to take calculated risks, to "dream the impossible dream," and, if necessary, to make our own luck -- is part of what makes us human -- and it's what having free will is all about!

Self-Hypnosis is not a cure-all, and it should not be used indiscriminately.

o Self-hypnosis should not be used to treat any type of mental condition, or to recover old memories, except under the direction and supervision of an appropriately qualified and licensed mental health professional.

o Do not use self-hypnosis to eliminate pain or other physical symptoms, except under appropriate medical supervision. Such symptoms are often a natural warning signal from your body that something is wrong (or that something may be GOING wrong). Similarly, you should not attempt to use self-hypnosis to overcome depression, mood swings, hearing voices or seeing things that do not exist. And unless you are a physician or a licensed mental health professional yourself, there are probably a large number of potentially serious conditions that you have never even heard of!

o You should not stop taking any type of prescription medication while using self-hypnosis without talking to your doctor.

Don't try to use the Best Me Technique to "scare yourself" into achieving your goal, and don't include any shoulds, oughts, or musts in your suggestions. Psychological research has conclusively shown that human beings are motivated primarily by reward rather than by the threat of punishment. Keep it positive!

Don't try to use self-hypnosis to to maintain a failing relationship, or to rescue a relationship which is in trouble. This is most likely to be a form of denial. See a therapist or counselor!

Be careful using the power and versatility of the Best Me Technique to remember past lives.o Though half the world believes in it, we have not been able to find any scientific evidence for reincarnation

in laboratory investigations of hypnosis.o Lynn and Kirsch (2006, p. 204), for example, after reviewing the experimental evidence, flatly state, “In

summary, hypnotically induced past-life experiences are fantasies constructed from available clinical narratives about past lives and known or surmised facts regarding historical periods, as well as cues present in the hypnotic situation . . .”

o Those who are critical of this research will point out that you cannot "prove a negative." That is, just because you haven't found something in the place where you happen to look for it, this does not mean that what you are looking for does not exist -- somewhere. On the other hand, nobody has ever brought back an ancient coin at the conclusion of a past-life regression session as proof that they were really there.

o But there is an old Chinese saying which goes, "It doesn't matter whether a cat is black or white, as long as it catches mice. From a clinical point of view, it doesn't make any difference whether hypnotically-induced past-life regression experiences are actually real or whether they are a form of experiential theater, as long as some people report that their problem has been alleviated.

o As one correspondent wrote who had previously been to several other therapists (including those who practiced past life regression therapy) without success, "It was the absolute professionalism, kindness and profound patience from my regression therapist that enabled me to trust enough to release my fears." And a cure is a cure, regardless of the reasons for it.

Don't be fooled by distorted images of hypnosis in the mass media.o Hypnosis and self-hypnosis will not weaken your will, leave you susceptible to demonic or occult

influences, or turn you into someone else's willing servant.o A good source of accurate, up-to-date information about hypnosis may be found on the Web page of the

American Psychological Association.[3] Click on "Psychology Topics" at the top of the page, and then click on "Hypnosis."

Do not allow yourself to be misled by the exaggerated claims of advertisers, or by or phony or unregulated degrees, accreditations, and "board certifications."

o Most States do not license or regulate the practice of hypnosis as a separate profession. Diploma mills frequently take advantage of this lack of regulation to set up their own accrediting boards and professional-sounding organizations to certify, license, and accredit each other, regardless of how much or how little training their members actually have.

o To illustrate the consequences of this lack of professional standards, one psychologist enrolled and certified his cat in several of the larger and better-known organizations which are open to lay hypnotists!

o Self-hypnosis is not difficult to learn. People can end up paying thousands of dollars to acquire these skills, but they can just as learn master them free of charge if they are willing to put forth the necessary time and effort in order to do so.

Many self-improvement projects may require the additional professional assistance of a licensed psychologist, counselor, or social worker for their successful completion.

o Psychiatrists can perform these services too, of course. But, with a few fortunate exceptions, the demands of today's marketplace have led many psychiatrists to concentrate primarily on diagnosing mental illness and prescribing psychotropic medication.

o Many insurance companies do not pay for consulting a hypnotist or hypnotherapist if this is their only professional qualification. If you have insurance which covers mental health, you can call your State psychological, counseling, or social work association and ask for the names of members near you who include hypnosis as one of their specialties, or you can check your phone book listings under these headings.

o You may want to check ahead of time to see whether or not your particular need is covered and, if so, which types of mental health providers your insurance carrier is willing to recognize. You also need to determine whether or not the particular provider you have chosen is in your insurance carrier's network or is able to accept out-of-network reimbursement from that particular provider. Your insurance carrier or your mental health services provider needs to inform you whether or not pre-authorization is necessary, if there is a deductible which has to be met first, how many visits they are willing to authorize, and how much the co-pay, if any, is going to be.

We must always retain the ability to recognize when a goal is really not worth pursuing, in order to keep from wasting our lives in futile effort.

o If we can learn to overcome the discouragement which has protected us in from our own mistakes in goal selection, we have an added responsibility to make certain that the goals which we have chosen really are worth going after, and that they are within the scope of our ability to attain them.

o The world is full of people whose "impossible dreams" will always be impossible. But there are many others for whom an iron determination can make all the difference, no matter what the odds against them. As we put this powerful new technology into use, it is up to each of us to decide just how idealistic or how practical we choose to be.

Finally, just as there are some people who are color blind cannot comprehend the experience of color, some people are hypnosis blind and cannot comprehend the experience of hypnosis.

o The ability to respond to suggestion is distributed in the general population in much the same way that height, weight, and intelligence are. Some of us have a little, and some of us have a lot, but most of us have enough to get by.

o But for everyone whose ability to respond to suggestion is extremely low or virtually nonexistent, there is someone else who fits words of the song from the movie, Going My Way: "Or would you rather swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar, and be better off than you are?" Such is the potential and the promise of hyperempiria[4] for those who are able and willing to make use of it.

How to Persuade Yourself to Do Anything

You know you should. You would. You could. And yet... You can't. It's that internal dialogue, that says "Don't!!!" You don't know why but you can't. Turn can't into can.

edit Steps

Figure out why you can't. What are the consequences? What is the worst that could happen? If you don't know why not then, why not? Silence the voices in your head that say "No".

Concentrate on the positive outcome. If you can think of some consequences, think of how much good it could do you! Most likely the consequences are silly and unimportant. Find out why they're not important or they're not going to happen.

Read some inspirational texts. They can help greatly.

Ponder the negative results of not following through. Consequences can help you. What will happen if you don't do it? Worst case scenarios are a good visual aid. If you want to call that long lost friend, you must because if you don't you might never see them again, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Act, just do it, don't think about it. Pick up the phone and dial that friend. Tell your obnoxious roommate to hit the road. You don't need a reason. You need results.

Life is short and you are as valid as anyone else so go for it!

edit Warnings

If it's something irresponsible or illegal, such as murder or robbing a bank, STOP. Don't do it. If the consequences outweigh the benefits, then stop.

If what you are thinking of is harmful to anyone, including yourself, you need to tell someone.

How to Manage Your Time Effectively (Calendar and Memorization Method)

Managing time is the key to many things. For school, it can really help you out. This is a compilation of time-managing and time-saving techniques.

edit Steps

Get yourself a calendar, and paste it up on a frequently-seen place. If you can not buy one, you can always make one and then print it out. Make sure you write things into it, too, so you can remember when to do specific things.

Learn memorization methods. It can cut time, and give better results, if you use more than one strategy to memorize something. Example: In certain schools, there is a tradition called Declamation. You memorize something, and recite it. Most people only read it and say it over and over, an agonizing process - but there are other ways to memorize things. See the related articles at the bottom of this page to learn more.

Stop procrastinating! Procrastination only piles up work, and is exactly what you want to avoid doing if you want to manage your time well. Start doing this now, so you can experience the benefits.

Using A Calendar

Write down important events, and their corresponding times. When projects are due, when parties are on, and so on are all important things.

Use colors. It sounds weird, but if you're in a family, or have a lot of stuff to do, using different colors is always a good idea!

Highlight the really important stuff! The SATs are more important than a party, so mark it down in a color AND highlight them. That'll bring your eye to them.

Memorization Techniques

Try the Subconscious Reading trick. It's based on the Roman Room method, and here's the idea. Type up and print out what you need to learn. Print out four to seven copies preferably. Tape it up all over your room. This method has not been tested, though, so use this only if you are using other methods too-don't rely on it.

Use the Roman Room trick. Imagine a room. First, memorize all of the room's aspects. Maybe if you're a good drawer, you can draw it out. But don't use the drawing to memorize, memorize it in your head. Then, think of the things you need to remember, and put references to them in your head. Got the SATS next week? Put some SAT practice papers on the desk, write the date in something noticable on the wall, etc.

Practice your eidetic memory. That is to say, try to train a photographic memory. Example: Practice saying random things said to you in the order that they're said.

Use study cards. Need to remember a specific name? Write down the name on one side of half an index card, and write important facts on the other side. Or write, say, Spanish on one side, and English on the other. It's very useful, in almost any circumstance. Except memorizing a speech. Don't rely on this to memorize a speech.

For number memorizing, use the Dominic System.

o A=1, B=2, C=3, D=4, E=5o S=6 G=7 H=8 N=9 O=0

For each two digit numbers, think of something to help you remember it. Example: After just a glance, you can remember that pi's first four digits are 1415, or AD, AE.

How to Overcome Laziness

The couch can be an enemy when in need for being productive.

Often people who are called lazy aren't. Often so-called "lazy" people only feel overwhelmed when presented a task that seems more fit for a big team than just one person. Sometimes, however, it is chronic laziness that kicks in and stops us from doing the things that need to be done. This WikiHow will help you just get up and do it!

edit Steps

Try to figure out the single detail or problem which is holding you back. Most likely, the sticking issue is smaller than you think it is, and you can get past it more easily than you think. Whatever it is, don't give up until you find a way to get past it somehow. Remember, it's probably one single, specific problem or detail.

Think about the importance of the problem or goal. Is it something you can actually afford to ignore? Is it something that somebody else can help you with? Can you just forget about this and try a different approach altogether? Are you being too much of a perfectionist?

Convince yourself you can do something. Some who feel they might be "lazy" are actually recreating and reliving unpleasant or dreary "freezes" from childhood. No need to dig into your past but if you do feel stuck, try jumping up, do a task, and tell yourself "Despite an old habit of freezing up, I can get up right now and be productive!"

Decide to start the work, and you are well on your way to completing it.

Take your time. Break down your job into small steps. Find the way to do them, and do them, in a relaxed and controlled way. Focus always on one task: the one you are doing, because you'll have time to focus on the other ones. Brains tend to work inefficiently when there is constant pressure to do several things with tight deadlines.

Gear yourself up into action by telling yourself something like: "I want to do this; I want to do this now! So I’ll just do it and rest later". Say it out loud if you have to. You'll feel motivated after this.

Finish a step and cheer up. Completing that task will feel remarkably good, and tell yourself (out loud, if necessary) "Good stuff; you're on a roll; keep this up and you're going to make it to the end of this". Working towards little goals is actually the secret to big success: big successes are just made up of many little continuous successes.

Remember to reward yourself for the very small things you complete or try. If you manage to do something that you didn't the day before, you deserve a nice treat. You need to reward yourself for completing each task, in order to feel good about having pushed yourself in order to get the job done. After the 'small' task is complete, reward yourself by going for a walk for a few minutes or eat some snack or some other small reward/break (or relax doing something you would like to if you have already been out). Doing this will train your mind into wanting to work. As well, cumulative rewards make you feel confident -- and that's the real cure for laziness. Some say you may also want to punish yourself for each step you fail to achieve, but this is ill-advised as it will only reinforce the negative behavior that ultimately leads to avoidance at the prospect of failure.

Continue working. It's hard to get on a roll, so once you're there, jump right onto your next goal as soon as you're done rewarding yourself. The longer you delay re-starting, the harder it will be to re-start. But the sooner you re-start, the more confident you will feel -- and that will reinforce the positive behavior that leads to feeling that you can do anything!

Don't give up. It's one thing to find your motivation. But, it's another thing to keep it going when the going gets tough -- especially when it's an unforeseen problem! The more avoidant you are, the more you will feel like giving up. How to get past the tough point? Tell yourself over and over: "I really want to get past this; I really want to overcome this", until you believe that you actually don't want to give up.

Stay off the couch until you are ready to take a break. And when you do sit, set a time when you will return to your task or to do other activities around the house: read a book, run a load of laundry, write to a friend, etc.

Set some long term goals. If you have goals set up for yourself, you have something to look forward to. Pick goals which are high and will really inspire you. Picture what you really want. Low goals will not really motivate you. Your goals can be to save to buy a home, that red sports car, or fulfill your lifelong dreams (maybe you've been wanting to open a bookstore, an arcade, or start your own publishing company). Make a to-do list, both of large and small things, and prioritize.

Make that list of your desires, goals and motivations where you want to move towards to. Keeping them in mind will help you feel energized and willing to take any step needed to achieve them.

Create a vision board to post all your goals and dreams on. Be creative and use pictures, magazine articles, etc... to fully map out your dreams onto this board. Each day that you wake, look at your vision board and focus on where you want to be. This will provide an inspired start to your day, and push you to your dreams.

edit Tips

When contemplating whether or not you should do something, think to yourself "I'll do what I have to do, so I can do what I want to do."

Use common sense and picture the demon and the angel on your shoulders. If you work at it using common sense, the angel will win and the demon will lose(always).

If you do not work or need to leave your house first thing in the morning - set your alarm to wake up at a decent morning hour - say 7 am. Shower, get dressed and make yourself look presentable before leaving your room. Always dress as if you were planning to leave the house -- get out of the jammies before leaving the bedroom. Make your bed so it doesn't appeal to you later.

Make sure you're on a healthy diet; junk food doesn't give your body the nutrients it needs to be active. Exercise. Go jogging through your neighborhood a few times a week, and in time you will see an

improvement in the way that you feel and look. Working out will give you a lot of motivation and keep you from getting or feeling lazy. If you haven't worked out much before, stretch first, then start slow. If you don't, you will be in so much pain from sore or pulled muscles it will be easy to use it as an excuse to stop exercising.

Make sure to drink a lot of water all day long, so you don't become dehydrated. Getting enough sleep each night can make you feel more awake. Depending on your activity and age,

you may need up to 10 hours (teenagers) or as little as 5 (elderly). Avoid sugar and especially foods with "high fructose corn syrup" or "corn syrup" in the ingredients, as

these can lead your body into metabolizing sugars instead of fats. Also, unnatural sugars (without fiber) may give you a short energy buzz, but then a blood sugar drop and you will feel fatigued and hungry.

Consider getting rid of your television. Place copies of a goal sheet or your routine everywhere: one on the fridge, on your night stand, by your

computer, on your bathroom mirror, even on the bedroom door. Just place them where you look or go to often.

Doing meditation can help reduce laziness

edit Warnings

If you think you are lazy but nobody else thinks you are, DO NOT WORK HARDER. It will cause more stress and will defeat your whole purpose here.

If the suggestions above don’t increase your activity level or elevate your low mood, feeling of being overwhelmed, or prolonged very low self esteem, then you may have a more serious case of depression.

Everyone will become sad at some point, usually because of a depressing situation (like a death, a job loss, etc.) and most come out of it within a few days. But if the sadness deepens, lasts two weeks or more, or it starts interfering with your work/school, or it occurs frequently, then you should seek professional advice to determine that you have no underlying medical condition and to receive appropriate treatment and advic

How to Cope with Short Term Memory Problems

If you've ever arrived at the bottom of the stairs not knowing why you went down at all, you've had a short term memory problem. Whether your short-term memory problems are due to medical problems or simple absent-mindedness, there are strategies to cope. Until you are able to integrate these ideas into your life, you may want to print or bookmark this page to help you remember them.

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1. 1

Don't get distracted...

Pay attention. Many short-term memory problems can be attributed not so much to the ability of the brain, but the ability of the person to focus on a single task.[1] If you've already forgotten the name of the nice gentleman who was just introduced to you not five minutes ago, it might not be only a memory problem. Were you really listening when you were introduced, or were you thinking ahead to what to say next? Instead, as you shake hands with the fellow, look him in the eye and repeat back the name out loud. Then, say it silently to yourself a couple of times (you'll probably have a few moments when you can tune out the small talk). Make a conscious, active effort to pay attention whenever you know you're likely to forget something.

Write it down. Whatever it is that you have to remember, commit it to writing. Use a white board, bulletin board, notebook, the palm of your hand, or any other format that helps. Write down your shopping list, your errands, your schedule, and even what you needed from downstairs, if you need to.

Visualize it. In addition to writing down what you need to do, you can also "draw" it in your mind by visualizing yourself performing the task in as much detail as possible. If you need to remember to lock the door, for example, imagine yourself shutting the door and looking down at your hand on the door knob. Then visualize yourself pulling the keys out of your pocket, hearing them jingle, inserting the key into the doorknob, locking the door, pulling the key out, and putting it back into your pocket. The more detailed your visualization, the more likely it will "stick".

Have a system. Leave items where they are visible and where you will see them until you do whatever needs to be done to them. This could mean things like placing things to go upstairs at the bottom of the stairs, putting bills and paper in a certain, conspicuous location until they are processed, or simply always feeding the cat before you make your own breakfast.

o It may help to tie tasks to a particular day of the week or a particular activity you already do. For instance, if you have a cactus plant to water once every two weeks, water it on the same day you get your paycheck.

o We all know how powerful habits can be, so why not use them to your advantage? Form habits to help keep you get things done subconsciously, so that you're not depending as much on your conscious

mind to remember. Attach a new habit to an old habit, like taking your medication every time you brush your teeth.

o Make routines. Write them down, too. Then, place a note or other cue in a prominent location until the new routine becomes habit. Every time you get home, place your keys in the same place. Every time you leave, make sure they are with you, along with any other items you place nearby.

Use a tickler file. A tickler file is a file that is set up by date. Have folders or divisions in the file for each day of the month. When something arrives in your purview that requires your attention at a later date, place it in the tickler file for that date. Be sure to check your tickler file daily.

Keep a calendar. Don't rely on your memory to tell you when to be where tomorrow, and certainly don't rely on it for next week or next month. Instead, write it down in the calendar of your choice and make a habit of checking it regularly. Keep one calendar for all your appointments. Don't keep one for business and another for personal dates.

Use computers. Computer programs and even websites are available that include such things as calendars that will remind you when the time comes and to-do lists. Of course, you must have access to the computer before you forget an item.

Take good notes. Whether in a class, in a meeting, or simply for personal reasons, take notes. Even if you never reread them, often the act of writing something down will cause it to go through your brain. If you do need to look back, you'll have a record of it.

o Keep a notebook , or keep one notebook for each general subject, project, or interest. Having different colors and even shapes and sizes will help you to keep different notebooks straight.

o If you manage to take notes electronically, a desktop search engine, such as Google Desktop or Copernic, can help you find old notes based on keywords. That means you don't have to spend as much time carefully organizing.

Place things in visible locations. For example, if fresh vegetables get lost in the crisper drawers until they turn to mush, don't put them in the crisper drawers. Instead, hang them in clear bags or set them on the shelves up where you can see them.

o If you need to have things piled on your desk to ensure that they get attention, go ahead and pile. Use baskets or trays if you'd like to make it look neater or keep some order to it.

o If you must take certain sets of items with you when you go somewhere, leave them in a bag when not in use. Canvas tote bags and basic duffel bags are inexpensive (try any thrift store), and you can have one for music lessons and another for gym clothes.

o Set things up so you don't have to remember. If you habitually leave your shoes by the bed at night, or by the door when you come in, place a basket, shelf, or rack in that spot and make that where you put shoes that are in use.

Make up checklists. If there is something you do routinely, write down that routine. It could be as basic as the order in which you prefer to get ready for work or school in the morning, or it could be as intricate as the procedure for getting a part of your job done. You can use an electronic checklist or place the checklist in a plastic sheet protector and use erasable markers to check things off.

Make a plan. For instance, if you cook for your family, write down your menu plans. (Hint: you may be able to do this all at once for the month or even the year.) Then, stick to your plan. In this example, purchase just the groceries you need for the week (take your list!), then prepare those meals this week.

Confidence. Memory has a lot to do with confidence. If you think or believe that you have such a problem, it is likely to come up automatically even if it is not there. This applies especially while trying to remember something. Your lack of confidence would eventually lead to a state where you forget the habit of remembering. Develop confidence by appreciating yourself whenever you remember something you usually forget.

Tips

Caffeine can temporarily improve short-term memory[2] but the above steps are more effective and present fewer risks.

Set a timer to remember the hard-boiled eggs, or they may explode

Setting alarms or timers to trigger your memory can help, too.

Learn what works for you and experiment with different strategies.

Get enough sleep, and sleep at consistent times. Emerging research suggests that the brain consolidates memories during sleep [3].

For remembering people's names, it may help to try to use their name several times in the first conversation you have with them. Or try to associate the name and face with something characteristic (beard, height, demeanor, etc).

Relax. Overtaxing your mind reduces its ability to focus and concentrate, giving you that "flustered" feeling. When appropriate, end one task before beginning another.

edit Warnings

If your memory or the memory of a family member grows worse, consult a doctor.

How to Increase Your Metabolism

If you're trying to lose weight, increasing your metabolic rate can enable you to lose more weight without cutting more calories. The commercialism surrounding "metabolism-enhancing products" has made it difficult to separate fact from fiction (or advertising), but you can find a few research-based suggestions here.

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Understand what metabolism is. In the simplest terms, metabolic rate is the rate at which your body burns calories. Very few people have a fast metabolism, and overweight individuals generally have slow metabolisms.[1] However, a faster metabolism will enable you to lose more weight than your friend, even if you both have the same activity level, diet, and weight.

Determine what is influencing your metabolism. There are some factors that you can control and change, and some factors that you can't.

o Age - Metabolic rate decreases five percent per decade after age 40.[2]

o Gender - Men generally burn calories more quickly than women because they have more muscle tissue.[2]

o Heredity - You can inherit your metabolic rate from previous generations.[2]

o Thyroid disorder - Hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid gland) and hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid gland) can slow down or speed up metabolism, but only 3% and .3% of the population have hypo- and hyperthyroidism respectively.[3]

Calculate your resting metabolic rate (RMR). RMR is often used interchangeably with basal metabolic rate (BMR). Although they are slightly different, estimating either is sufficient for the purpose of losing weight. To calculate your RMR, use the Mifflin-St Jeor equation (which is more reliable than the Harris-Benedict equation[4]). There are also calculators online that can do this for you:

o RMR = 9.99w + 6.25s - 4.92a + 166g-161 w = weight in kilograms; if you know your weight in pounds, divide by 2.2 to get your

weight in kilograms s = height in centimeters; if you know your height in inches, multiply by 2.54 to get your

height in centimeters a = age in years g = gender = 1 for males, 0 for females

Adjust your diet accordingly. Your RMR will tell you how many calories you need to maintain your body at rest. Your daily consumption to maintain your weight should be:[5]

o RMR x 1.15

E.g. RMR = 2000, so the maintenance intake is 2000 x 1.15 = 2300o To lose weight safely, do not exceed your maintenance intake or have a caloric intake lower

than your calculated RMR.o Count calories by recording what you eat and looking up how many calories each food item

contains (either on the food packaging or in tables provided in books or online).

Eat small, frequent meals. Extending the time between meals makes your body go into "starvation mode," which decreases your metabolism as a means to conserve energy and prevent starvation. Skipping meals does not help you cut calories or lose weight; in fact, people generally eat less overall when they eat small, frequent meals. In addition to having four to six small meals per day[6], eating healthy snacks will also increase metabolism.[2]

Drink iced water. As with food, depriving your body of water can encourage it to "hoard" rather than "burn". When your drink ice cold water, your body burns calories warming it to body temperature. More than ninety percent of the chemical reactions in your body occur in water, so make sure you drink an appropriate amount of water.

Boost metabolism temporarily with aerobic exercise. Different activities burn different quantities of calories, but the important thing is to raise your heart rate and sustain the activity for approximately thirty minutes.

Boost metabolism in the long run with weight training. Muscle burns more calories than fat does (73 more calories per kilogram per day, to be exact)[2] so the more muscle you build, the higher your resting metabolic rate (RMR) will be. Every muscle cell that you gain is like a little factory that constantly burns calories for you, even while you sleep, and revs up when you exercise. This is the only way to increase RMR, which accounts for 60 to 70 percent of the calories you burn daily.[7]

edit Tips

There are no "fat-burning" foods. You might've heard that certain foods (e.g. celery and grapefruit) increase metabolic rate, but it's just a myth.[6] While some foods and drinks such as red peppers and green tea have been studied for their potential metabolic rate increasing properties, there is no conclusive evidence that whatever influence they have on metabolism is significant enough to result in weight loss.[2] However, it has been proven that all foods do have what is called the thermic effect. Foods with protein have a 30% thermic effect, and are the most thermal of all foods. So that means if you eat a 100 calorie portion of meat, 30 calories from the food are required to break down the fibers in the protein and to properly digest it. Foods with higher amounts of fiber also have a high thermic effect. This is why people who eat 40% protein 40% carbohydrate and 20% mainly monounsaturated fat diets do very well, especially if they are carbohydrate sensitive and/or endomorphs.

Some sugar substitutes may adversely affect metabolism and weight loss.[8]

Very low-carb diets are said to burn more calories because the body expends energy changing fats and proteins into glucose. Glucose provides the energy for your body via a system of chemical reactions called the "krebs-cycle" or "tricarboxylic acid cycle."

Unless you are careful to choose whole foods naturally rich in vitamins, the low-carb approach may lead to vitamin deficiency. Some sources claim carbohydrates are necessary for absorption of vitamins. However, it is likely even standard low-carb diets provide enough, as some traditional food cultures like that of the Inuit are low in carbohydrates and do not result in deficiencies. Just to be safe, you may want to invest in supplements, though beware: many formulations are poorly absorbed under the best of conditions. Include omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, by eating at least 2-3 portions of fish a week, or if you dislike fish take fish oil supplements. Drink eight 8-oz. glasses of non-carbonated water (including green tea, tea and coffee) per day.

Be careful with dairy products if you are following the Atkins diet. Milk and products made with milk contain lactose, a carbohydrate. Yogurt has natural milk sugars in addition to fruit and sweeteners such as sucrose or high-fructose corn syrup. Consider getting your calcium from cheese. Some cheeses may have nearly zero carbohydrates. Avoid low-fat dairy products. Whole milk has 11 carbs[9]; skimmed milk has 12.3 carbs.[10] Whole milk also provides the omega-3 fatty acids EPA and DHA and is the most significant food source of CLA,[11][12] a heart-healthy fat that may help increase your metabolism, lose more fat, and build more muscle. [11] Short- and medium-chain fatty acids (especially those in coconut oil) have long been promoted for weight loss and can easily be burned for energy. In a nine-year study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, whole milk and cheese helped prevent weight gain in women who had one or more servings a day while low-fat milk did not.[13] Low-fat yogurt or low-fat ice cream may have more sugar to compensate for the loss of taste. Soy products can also be an

excellent substitute for dairy while you are on the Atkins diet. Plain soy milk has seven net carbs and one gram of fiber.[14]

Always consult a dietitian or doctor before making a major change in your diet and exercise routine.

edit Warnings

Avoid smoking as a weight-loss method. While nicotine is a metabolism booster and appetite suppressant, the health hazards far outweigh any benefits.

Expect your metabolism to slow down as you lose weight. The more weight your body is carrying, the more calories your body has to burn in order to sustain itself, even at rest. When you begin restricting your calorie intake, you'll lose weight relatively easily because your body's high caloric needs are not being met. But after you begin to shed the weight, the body has less mass to carry and thus needs fewer calories. In order to continue losing weight, you will have to restrict your caloric intake even further in order to maintain a difference between what your body needs and what you are providing.[2] Let's go through a hypothetical example:

o You are 200 lbs and your body needs 2500 calories a day to sustain itself.o You cut down your caloric intake to 2000 calories.o You lose 25 lbs. Now your body only needs 2250 calories to sustain itself because it's carrying less

weight.o If you continue with your 2000 calorie per day diet (the diet that helped you lose the first 25 lbs) you will

still be losing, but at half the speed. In order to maintain a steady weight loss you will need to reduce your caloric intake further. However, it is at the utmost importance you do not try to consume fewer calories than your RMR!

o Another possible problem: If you continue with your 2000 calorie per day diet (the diet that helped you lose the first 25 lbs) you may actually gain weight back because of varying levels of exercise. Let's say you lose 50 lbs. on your 2000 calorie diet. Your sustaining calories might be 1800. You're actually consuming enough calories to gain weight, but how would that happen if you had stayed on your diet? This can happen when your exercise has burned through many calories. If you slowed on exercise at this point you would actually gain weight again. The point here is to recheck your RMR when you lose weight and compare it to your consumption.

Don't overdo your diet or exercise program. Losing more than a pound a week can be detrimental to your health. As mentioned above, check with a physician or a nutritionist to determine what would be considered appropriate weight loss for your level of fitness before you start a new exercise or diet plan.

If you are pregnant or nursing, your caloric needs are increased. Speak to your doctor or midwife before restricting your diet or any specific food group.

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Do you habitually give in to other people because you just can't stand the thought of upsetting them? Do you put your needs to one side because you get a buzz from someone else's happiness, only to find that he or she is not a bit grateful? If so, you are a classic "people pleaser," and you are, in all probability, not getting what you want out of life. It's time to shift the focus from others to yourself, and stop being a martyr.

There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. 'People pleaser' is actually a code for codependency; many people are codependent. Read 'Codependent No More', the seminal work on the subject, or find a Coda meeting, or other resource. Other telltales are: you are either passive or aggressive, with little or no in between; you never seem to be having any fun; you are constantly controlling or being controlled; you are often in a hurry for no reason.

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Think of five times when you did or said something that did not truly reflect your wants and needs, in order to please someone else. Write them down. For each of these occasions, imagine how you would have handled it differently - to please yourself! What is the worst that could have happened? Write down your worst fears.

Look at your fears. Are they realistic? Are they truly terrible? You might be afraid that no one will like you, that someone will leave you, or that you will be left all alone if you don't say the right thing. That is a prison you have trapped yourself in, and it's time to unlock the doors and walk out! The people around you may be used to your compliance, but if they're not willing to accept that you have your own needs, are they really worth having in your life?

Examine your ability to set limits on others. Examine your boundaries. Where are they? What is acceptable behavior for you and what is unacceptable? Do you tolerate the intolerable? Normalize the abnormal? Accept the unacceptable? Do you know what it feels like to be treated with dignity and respect? Learn how to identify and label unacceptable treatment from others and how to set limits on their behavior when they violate your boundaries.

Consider the source. Many people pleasers were raised in environments wherein their needs and feelings were pushed aside/not considered. Were you always expected to anticipate, and to mold yourself to, everyone else's needs? Did you learn that the only way to receive a positive response was to do what others wanted you to do? If so, here's a newsflash: Not all the world wants a pushover. By focusing on pleasing others, you open yourself up to manipulation and abuse. You will never reach your potential as an individual if you constantly hide behind others' expectations.

Stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for other people. It's noble to want to help others, but it's something you should do because you want to, not because you feel you have to. The greatest acts of kindness are those done by choice, not out of fear or guilt. If you're doing things for others because you would feel bad if you didn't, is the action really genuine? Would you want others to help you under those terms? And, if you're helping others to such an extent that you are neglecting yourself, is that really wise?

Learn how to say "no ." Don't make up excuses - give your reasons for not wanting something. So your husband wants his entire family to come to Christmas dinner, and you just can't face it? "I'm sorry darling, I find the pressure of entertaining such a large number of people intolerable." Your best friend wants you to go with her or him to a party that will be full of people that you can't stand? "No thank you, it's just not my scene." Start small - find something small to say "no" to, but say it firmly. Say it politely, but mean it! You'll be surprised; the world will not collapse around your ears! People rarely take offense, and those that do aren't worth pleasing.

Ask for what you want. If everybody's going to the movies, and most people in the group want to see a particular movie, but you'd rather watch something else, speak up! There's nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and it doesn't have to mean you're making a demand. Simply reminding people that you're an individual with your own preferences is a big step forward. Even asking someone to help you do something will help.

Ultimately, you must remember that no one can read your mind. If you feel that you do so much for others, but they don't do anything for you, maybe it's because you don't express your needs or desires. It's not fair to make people pry an answer from you. If they ask you what you want, or if there's a decision being made, put in your opinion, and let that be that.

Do something for yourself. Do one thing you have been wanting to do, but are afraid someone else will not like. Dye your hair, get that new look, have a treat that you enjoy, go on holiday....whatever you do, do it for yourself, and practice not worrying what anyone else thinks about it. Don't get caught up in doing things just because no one else wants you to do them. Remember that there ought to be things that you truly want to do for yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks, not in spite of it. Other people's opinions are a factor in our lives, but they should not be the determining factor.

Compromise. While it's not good to be a pushover, it's no better to be a manipulative bully or a reckless rebel. Don't become totally selfish. In fact, many people pleasers have low self-esteem. So do those who are selfish. It is best to develop good self-care skills, which include healthy assertiveness skills. You can listen to others, but ultimately, what you do is your choice. Keep a balance! Sometimes the needs of other people should come first. Whenever there's a conflict of desires, try to come up with a solution that will meet both desires halfway, or better yet, a "win-win" situation where both sides get even more than they bargained for.

Also,you could keep in mind that, no matter how bad your flaws are, you are beautiful and unique on the inside and out.

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If you find yourself compromising your own needs, be aware that in the long run you compromise your ability to help others as well. Taking care of yourself prevents you from burning out. Remind yourself that by making choices that are good for you, you will have enough "fuel" to do good for others.

Pin up this affirmation where you will see it every day: "My needs are just as important as yours." Understand that being kind and being a "people pleaser" are not the same thing. To disagree with

someone does not necessarily mean you are being unkind. It is possible to be kind and state your own needs at the same time. Do not label standing up for yourself as selfish or wrong. It is not.

Anticipate situations where you would normally "people please," by thinking about what you want and rehearsing your "lines."

Don't worry if you slip back into your old ways occasionally; lifelong habits take time to overcome. Treat all people with politeness, dignity and respect. If they aren't nice to you (that is, if they do not treat

you with politeness, dignity and respect), then consider limiting the relationship. Don't respond to rudeness with your own rudeness; it just perpetuates the problem.

If you find that you begin most sentences with "I should" or "I ought", realize you are operating from a position of weakness and people-pleasing. How can you re-phrase those thoughts to be more constructive?

Practice integrity and insist on it in others. Recognize when you are being manipulated, whatever the intention behind it. Follow your bliss--you have a responsibility to nourish your talents, work hard, and help others along the way, but not to accept their responsibility as your own.

Don't always make yourself available when you cannot afford to be; doing so invites others to take advantage of you.

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Some people may take time to adjust to the new you - don't apologize for being you, but be gentle with them!

Some people may seem to reject the new you. Although you may have been afraid to change at first, understand that other people may be as well, and may not understand that their rejection is not so much aimed at you, as much as it is aimed at themselves. Just as you might have thought to reject your desires, so might others reject theirs, and yours in turn only because they think that is what is good for the both of you! Be patient with them. Just as you were capable of understanding that change is nothing to fear, others will come to realize this in time. You can do much to inspire people and calm their own fears by resisting your own.

Some things you may want to do may not be workplace-safe. If you really need your job, think twice before mouthing off or getting a pink Mohawk and 5 piercings, especially if you have to be at the investment bank in the morning.

Don't blame others for your decision to change. Don't say "I had to do this because of you"! Remember, you are deciding to change for yourself.

Note that expressing your own desires requires first your awareness of what they are, which requires conscious and consistent practice. For instance, your partner says "Let's have hamburgers for dinner" and you may really think "Whatever is fine by me" while, it is only "fine" because you never make that choice. Take the few extra seconds to consider it. Or, where do you go when you are alone? Tell him or her that's where you would like to go this time. Do not be concerned about what is a good opportunity to practice and what is not.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE A MANIPULATIVE OR CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP

As your relationship with a new person in your life has developed, you find your old friends falling away, while family members remark on how you don't seem like yourself. Are you losing yourself to an odd, and ultimately destructive, relationship? Before you can regain your individuality and strength, you'll need to determine if the relationship is taking something away, and, if so, put an end to the destructive cycle. While the steps are directed towards romantic relationships, they do apply to any kind of relationship.

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Evaluate honestly: Is this relationship healthy, or is it unhealthy? Be objective as you analyze how things have changed since this relationship began:

Are your family relationships suddenly filled with tension, every time your partner's name comes up? Red flags should go up if everyone who cares about you is getting worried or is being pushed away.

o Does this person bring out your best, or worst traits? Do you feed each others' best self, or have you seen your attitudes change to more closely mirror your partner's, which puts off your family and friends?

Recognize your blindness to your partner's faults. Infatuation isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be necessary and good; however, it does make one "temporarily insane" for the first part of a relationship.

Sometimes our starry-eyed affection can make us willfully close our eyes to warning signals, even though we really kind of know that our friends and family have a point when they say they don't like this or that about the significant other. Ask yourself: Do you find yourself apologizing or defending your significant other's behavior? If you find yourself getting defensive when someone questions your relationship, you're probably already aware that there is a problem and haven't yet come to terms with it. Remember that people in healthy relationships have nothing to hide or defend. In fact, when a relationship is healthy, your friends and family are normally going to recognize that this person makes you very happy, brings out the best in you, and they will rejoice with the two of you.

Notice if your plans are continually overturned in favor of his/her. Instead, you're always changing plans to do what he/she wants, always meeting up with his/her friends.

o Be aware of the way she behaves with your family and friends, especially if she interrupts them, contradicts them, or behaves dismissively. If you feel you need to apologize or explain her behavior to your family or friends, there's a problem there.

o Are you realizing it's just become easier not to spend time with people you've loved for years, rather than to make apologies or excuses?

o Have all of your past attachments to people and places been replaced by either old friends of your new love, or new friends you've made since you've been together? Severing your ties to the familiar stability of people you have always known means she/he has just made himself/herself the center of your universe, and now has no competition for your attention.

Watch out for subtle discrepancies. When talking with mutual friends, have they ever said something about your new girlfriend that made you stop and say, "Huh? But she said something different to me... You can't have understood that right." Did you then dismiss the idea that what your friends heard could have actually been true? That's a big red flag. When you're being controlled or manipulated, it's usually through half-truths or omissions, not outright lies. There's just enough weirdness to make you stop and think, but not quite enough to get you to re-evaluate the entire relationship. If this happens more than once, STOP and remind yourself that this isn't the first time you've had this reaction. Start analyzing discrepancies between what your girlfriend said and what your friends say. If there are a lot of them, call her out on them. If her reaction or answers don't satisfy, it is time to re-evaluate in a major way. And don't delay doing the analysis - it may save you from disaster later.

Keep your support system. Cutting you off from your support systems helps him gain dominance over you - and you think it's your decision. A controlling partner will treat your friends with disrespect - your friends will report rude remarks made behind your back, or you will actually see him treat them in a dismissive ("You don't have the same experience I have.") or outright rude way ("That's just stupid. You're wrong."). However, when you're alone with him/her, he/she never says a bad word about those friends, but rather is kind, loving, and complimentary to you about them. It makes you believe your family or friends are simply jealous, don't understand him/her, etc. You forget her nastiness to their faces because she's nice behind their backs. When you find yourself telling your mom or sister, "But, you have to understand her like I do," that's a bad sign. Why should everyone else understand her and adjust their behavior - wouldn't it be easier if she would adjust hers? It's much easier for him to control you when you've decided your loved ones just don't understand your mate, and soon, you have no one but her to turn to.

Recognize excessive jealousy or possessiveness as a danger signal. If your partner is protective of you, that's sweet. If she's bizarrely, overly protective, it's scary. Consider whether she constantly nags about how long it takes you to make a trip to the market or to the post office. Does she interrogate you if you aren't home exactly on time, or if you go out for any reason? Does she question you too intensely about why you were talking to another person?

Watch for repeat offenses, shallow apologies and "courting" afterwards. He/She does something that is totally unacceptable then asks your forgiveness, tells you he/she realizes he/she was wrong, and promises to change. He/She seems utterly sincere and convincing - but it is part of the control. It is a way to use your compassion to keep you interested - at this point he/she may even tearfully say he/she wants your help to change, particularly if you have let him/her know that you will not tolerate such things again. He will bring you lavish gifts and attempt to sweep you off your feet, again, re-establishing his sincerity and your belief that he truly loves you (and he may, but in a really toxic, controlling way). Watch for the bad behavior to resume as soon as he/she believes he/she has you hooked and complacent again.

Beware of the "backhanded compliment". Saying, "Nobody will ever love you the way I do," seems sweet, but she wants you to believe that nobody but she will ever love you again, it fosters utter dependence on her and her love. Over time, these ideas erode your sense of confidence. You will begin to believe you're unworthy

of better treatment, and she's the best you can hope for. Do not believe this, you deserve so much more - and that is what you should have.

Stop berating yourself for being into this person. Realize that he's amazing - on the surface - and you shouldn't beat yourself up for being attracted to that. These people are often an odd mix of very high intellect or talent, coupled with low self-esteem (although they often seem confident to the point of arrogance - a mask for their internal lack of true confidence). Controlling, manipulative people are not able to just let things happen naturally - he must control things or, in his mind, things will "get away" from him - so he's compelled by his inner horrors to make sure he's the one pulling all the strings. But what makes it most awful is that he's probably handsome (you thought so, right?) and smart, and maybe even funny and charming. It's no wonder you fell for him.

Assess whether the relationship is worth saving. All of the above are warning signs that you are involved with a controlling person who's likely to be manipulating you. Try to be objective, though - if talking, working it through, or going to counseling fails to get your partner to stop these behaviors for longer than it takes to convince you of her sincerity (in other words, behaviors begin again after a short time), there may be no choice but to part ways, even if you still love her.

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Do recognize that almost everyone is capable of some manipulative or controlling behaviors from time to time - we all want to get our way or win the argument. But when you begin to recognize more than a few of the above warning signs, it's time to take a closer look at your relationship and decide whether it's truly an equal partnership.

Don't blow off the opinions of your friends and family; they do have your best interests in mind. One person can be ignored - many cannot. Do they tell you you're acting strange lately? Do they comment on how different you seem - and not in a good way? Has anyone you love and respect expressed actual dislike for your partner? Ask yourself, "Is my (for example) mum right about every other thing, but wrong about this ONE thing - the new gf/bf?" And if more than one close family member or friend is expressing dislike of the new guy/gal, give more weight to the negative opinions.

Key to this entire discussion is the recognition that the establishment of control is subtle, and often occurs over time. The entire purpose of the article is to help you examine your relationship for the warning signs. Because these signs can be subtle, it can be helpful to see a collection of warning signs; one sign may not be a problem. Four or five - talk to friends and relatives. If they affirm the signs are there, it may be time to re-evaluate this relationship - and try to do it outside of the control of this person.

Make sure your relationship is a two-way street, and that your partner is giving as well as receiving. If you have something big coming up -- an exam, for instance -- and she says something dismissive, like, "You shouldn't be studying on our date, you should spend time with me. That exam isn't such a big deal and it's rude of you not to spend our date with me." That should be a flag. Giving back in a relationship does not only mean showering you with affection and gifts. It means working together in co-operation on non-romantic subjects.

Controlling persons often check out of the relationship before you do, s/he may become detached and apathetic toward you. But unless s/he is the one to end this relationship, even though it is obvious s/he is interested in someone else, or at least looking with interest at others, s/he will freak out if you are the one to leave, and spend hours berating you for your thoughtless abandonment. Just so you know.

Don't be mean about it. You don't have to be like him/her to get away. Just say it's not a match and you don't intend to continue the relationship. Period. Don't try pointing out all of the above warning signs. This type of person won't recognize him or herself. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and makes the pig bitter.

Confess to your friends and family - apologize to them for marginalizing them and disregarding their bad opinion of this person. Tell them you wish you had listened to them. Get all the anger and hurt out of your system - they will be only too happy to share (they will rejoice when you tell them it's over).

Resist the temptation to be bitter about the experience. You've just survived a very tough situation and lived to tell the tale!

Warnings

Severely controlling and manipulative people are often produced by external factors such as abusive parents or clinical mental disorders. You cannot hope to change or rescue such a person, as much as you may care for them; the best help you can give them is to (A) refuse to be their victim, and (B) direct them to professional help.

The likelihood of stalking and violent behaviors developing in this type of person is higher than in others, both for you and any supporters you might have. If you feel you're being stalked, notify authorities and

take steps to make yourself safe (travel with others, stay with friends or family, avoid places you frequented together, get a restraining order).

If s/he shows up at your door after you've broken it off, don't open it if you're home alone. Make sure someone else is with you if you do decide to talk to him or her (not recommended), but even though you want to be compassionate, the best and easiest approach is to simply cut off contact.

Compassion is not easily understood or accepted by these folks, and it just hurts you both more in the end, as it is likely to be used as a weapon against you. Cutting them off may seem cruel, but it ends the confrontations and forces them to move on or get help.

Watch for stalking or menacing behaviors or threats, including threats to harm you or your supporters, or to commit suicide. Don't rely on your own judgment to determine whether threats are serious. Report them to the police immediately. This person is probably just difficult and not dangerous, but don't take any chances. If necessary, get a restraining order and call the cops each and every time it's violated.

While it is preferable that marriages involving kids be worked out, in many cases, a controlling manipulator is not amenable to marriage or family counseling. If your partner is not willing to commit to counseling, then separation may be the only answer. Without family counseling, the manipulative, controlling partner will damage the children, and you will spawn more of the same type of person.

Couples counseling or marriage counseling may not be a safe place for you to talk about any abuse you are enduring, with the abuser sitting right next to you during a session. You need individual supportive counseling that is often available for free at your local domestic violence agency. They can connect you to an agency close by.

Don't be cowed by people or ideas that you should "stay for the sake of the children." Some people are so controlling, manipulative and narcissistic that the best interest of the children is served by leaving the relationship, and taking the children with you. Unfortunately, controlling, manipulative persons can become very destructive, and even dangerous, and you should never stay in a relationship that is either, especially if you have kids. It's your first duty to protect them, not continually allow them to be abused by a person like this.

How to Think for Yourself

When you accept everything you're told without question, you open the door to being manipulated. If you want to avoid being someone else's puppet, follow these steps.

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Ask questions, particularly the question "why?". Ask everyone (not just the so-called experts), and try to answer your own questions as well. When you get an answer, try to think of exceptions, and then ask yourself why those exceptions exist. Never be satisfied until you arrive at an answer that has very few exceptions.

Look for selfish motives. Some people will become very annoyed, and perhaps even offended, that you're questioning something they accept without question. Whenever people want you to think a certain way, it's because it benefits them in some way. But that benefit is not always obvious or direct. Many times, people want you to adopt their perspective because it makes them feel more comfortable and secure (safety in numbers). Sometimes, people's beliefs make it easier for them to feel like a good person. These people don't want those beliefs challenged because it's as if you were challenging them personally - it seems to them that you are questioning their "good-person-hood". Sometimes, people are trying to look out for your best interest, and truly want you to be in step with their beliefs without looking into their statements any further. And sometimes, people just want to be seen as authoritative and trusted, so they're personally invested in whether or not you buy into the things they say. That's why they take it personally if you don't automatically buy in.

Stop being a people pleaser . People who don't think for themselves are often scared of disagreeing with others, and scared of "rocking the boat". A freethinker, on the other hand, bases their self worth on something other than what people think of them. These people may still experience rejection, discomfort, and anguish, but they will continue to think for themselves.

o In cases where someone says he "just wants the best for you," you may be accused of distrust, and it could make you feel guilty. But keep in mind that anyone who truly cares for you will be willing to explain their point of view and why they feel that way, and allow you to decide for yourself whether that is enough evidence for you.

Do the research. Look into the statements made by others. You'll be amazed at how many times you'll find lots of evidence to contradict the statements of others. Yet, these people spout this erroneous information and never question the accuracy or truth of what they're saying. Use Google or go to the library, and search

for information to prove or disprove the statements made. Remember where you get the "evidence" from. Be aware that, just because you saw it in a book or on the internet, that alone does not make it the truth. Once you've found evidence, one way or the other, you can speak up about it. "Yes, you know after we talked last time, I was so interested that I looked that up. That's amazing, isn't it, hard to believe, but true!" Or conversely, you can say, "I know that sounds amazing, and I hate to burst the bubble because it's fun to believe that could be true, but I looked it up, and it looks like it isn't true. I feel bad to be the bearer of bad news, but I just don't think that's true. You can look at ____________ (wherever you found your disproving evidence) and see for yourself." When you're breaking the news that your friend is passing along a false tale, let them know in a humble and compassionate way - don't just come in crowing and congratulating yourself for debunking a myth. You may look smart to others for a minute, but to your friend, you look like a jerk.

Live outside your comfort zone . Not only will some people be very perturbed by your refusal to take their statements at face value, but you will also learn to question your own assumptions, and that can make you feel lost and confused, like walking into a dark room. It takes courage to face uncertainty. Be Bold.

Beware paralysis by analysis . When you're thinking for yourself, you're taking full responsibility for your life and your actions, because you can't say you were trusting someone else's judgment. This can be very nerve-wracking, and lead to excessive self-doubt. Remember that thinking for yourself doesn't mean being sure. It means making decisions based on your own analysis, rather than someone else's. There will always be some degree of uncertainty, no matter what, that you must learn to accept and cope with.

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At its core, thinking for yourself requires you to be humble and say "I really don't know. That's why I'm asking."

How to Gain Control of Your Emotions

Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. It means you recognize them and act on them when you deem it appropriate, not randomly and uncontrollably.

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Know your emotions. There are a million different ways you can feel, but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that everyone can recognize: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation.[1] The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association emphasizes four major emotions which give us the most trouble: anger, fear, anxiety, and depression.

Recognize that emotions don't just appear mysteriously out of nowhere. Many times, we're at the mercy of our emotions on a subconscious level. By recognizing your emotions on a conscious level, you're better able to control them. The last thing you want to do is ignore or repress your feelings, because if you're reading this, you probably know that when you do that, they tend to get worse and erupt later. Ask yourself throughout the day: "How am I feeling right now?" If you can, keep a journal. When you feel depressed, stop and notice the situation that produced it. Rate your mood on a scale from 1-100, with 1 being the least intense and 100 being the most intense that you are able to feel.

Notice what was going through your mind at the time. Stop and analyze what you were thinking about, until you find what thought was causing that emotion. Your boss may not have made eye contact with you at lunch, for example; and without even being aware of it, the thought may have been in the back of your mind, "He's getting ready to fire me!"

Write down the evidence which supports the thought that produced the emotion. For example, you may have let slip something that you should not have said which angered him, but which it is too late to retract.

Write down the evidence that is against that thought. When you begin to think about it, you might realize that since nobody gets along well with this particular boss, he can't afford to actually fire anyone, because the department is too short-staffed.

Ask yourself, "What is another way to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the way I was looking at it before?" Taking this new evidence into account, you may conclude that your job is safe, regardless of your boss's petty annoyances. You still may not like your job or your boss, and you may want to look for another job. But at least you can take the time to find a good one -- and you won't have to worry about losing your house!

Consider your options. Once you recognize an emotion, think of at least two different ways you can respond. Your emotions control you when you assume there's only one way to react. You always have a choice. For example, if someone insults you, and you experience anger, your immediate response might be to insult them back. But no matter what the emotion, there are always at least two alternatives:

o Don't react. Do nothing. If you do this, however, it's important to continue acknowledging the emotion. Just because you're not reacting to an emotion doesn't mean that emotion doesn't exist. If you choose not to respond, it should be for a reason (as discussed in the next step) not because of a competing emotion (fear of confrontation).

o Do the opposite of what you would normally do. The "turn the other cheek" philosophy would fall under this category.

Make a choice. Now that you've got several options, act on:

o Principles - Who do you want to be? What are your moral principles? What do you want the outcome of this situation to be? Ultimately, which is the decision you'd be most proud of? This is where religious guidance comes into play for many people.

o Logic - Which course of action is the most likely to result in the outcome you desire? For example, if you're being confronted with a street fight, and you want to take the pacifist route, you can walk away--but, there's a good chance that burly drunk will be insulted if you turn your back. Maybe it's better to apologize and keep him talking until he calms down.

Change your perspective. The above steps show how to not let your emotions control your behavior, but not how to change the emotions themselves. If you want to nip your emotions in the bud, change the way you see the world. If you learn how to be optimistic and laid back, you'll find that negative emotions make fewer appearances to be reckoned with. You can also directly eliminate many of the underlying core beliefs which give rise to your disturbing thoughts and negative emotions. Albert Ellis[2] compiled a list of irrational ideas which upset us. They are all false, but many of us have are inclined to at least some of them part of the time. You can get rid of these ideas by debating within yourself until you have cast them out. Here's his list of potential culprits.

o I must be perfect in all respects in order to be worthwhile. Nobody can be perfect in everything that we have to do in life. But if you believe that you're a failure unless you are perfect in every way, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness.

o I must be loved and approved of by everyone who is important to me. Sometimes you just can't help making enemies, and there are people in the world who bear ill will to almost everyone. But you can't make your own life miserable by trying to please them.

o When people treat me unfairly, it is because they are bad people. Most of the people who treat you unfairly have friends and family who love them. People are mixtures of good and bad.

o It is terrible when I am seriously frustrated, treated badly, or rejected. Some people have a such a short fuse, that they are constantly losing jobs or endangering friendships because they are unable to endure the slightest frustration.

o Misery comes from outside forces which I can’t do very much to change. Many prison inmates describe their life as if it were a cork, bobbing up and down on waves of circumstance.

o If something is dangerous or fearful, I have to worry about it. Many people believe that "the work of worrying" will help to make problems go away. "Okay, that's over. Now, what's the next thing on the list that I have to worry about?"

o It is easier to avoid life’s difficulties and responsibilities than to face them. Even painful experiences, once we can get through them, can serve as a basis for learning and future growth.

o Because things in my past controlled my life, they have to keep doing so now and in the future. If this were really true, it would mean that we are prisoners of our past, and change is impossible. But people change all the time -- and sometimes they change dramatically!

o It is terrible when things do not work out exactly as I want them to. Could you have predicted the course of your own life? Probably not. By the same token, you can't predict that things are going to work out exactly as you want them to, even in the short term.

o I can be as happy as possible by just doing nothing and enjoying myself, taking life as it comes. If this were true, almost every wealthy or comfortably retired person would do as little as possible. But instead, they seek new challenges as a pathway to further growth.

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Learn to avoid the cognitive distortions which make things look worse than they really are. Most of us have heard the expression, "looking at the world through rose-colored glasses." But when you use cognitive distortions, you tend to look at the world through mud-colored glasses! Here are some examples.

o All-or-nothing thinking. Everything is good or bad, with nothing in between. If you aren't perfect, then you're a failure.

o Overgeneralization. A single negative event turns into a never-ending pattern of defeat. "I didn't get a phone call. I'll never hear from anybody again."

o Mental filter. One single negative thing colors everything else. When you're depressed, it sometimes feels like you're "looking at the world through mud-colored glasses."

o Disqualifying the positive. If somebody says something good about you, it doesn't count. But if somebody says something bad about you, you "knew it all along."

o Jumping to conclusions. You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

o Mind reading. You think somebody is disrespecting you and don't bother to check it out. You just assume that he is.

o The Fortune Teller Error. You think that things are going to turn out badly, and convince yourself that this is already a fact.

o Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization. Imagine that you're looking at yourself or somebody else through a pair of binoculars. You might think that a mistake you made or somebody else's achievement are more important than they really are. Now imagine that you've turned the binoculars around and you're looking through them backwards. Something you've done might look less important than it really is, and somebody else's faults might look less important than they really are.

o Emotional reasoning. You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

o Should statements. You beat up on yourself as a way of getting motivated to do something. You "should" do this, you "must" do this, you "ought" to do this, and so on. This doesn't make you want to do it, it only makes you feel guilty. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.

o Labeling and mislabeling. This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. When you make a mistake, you give yourself a label, such as, "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

o Personalization. You believe that you were the cause of something bad that happened, when you really didn't have very much to do with it.

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It is important to control your emotions, but suppressing them or denying that they exist is entirely different. Suppressing your emotions can cause physical disorders and more emotional symptoms.

Many emotional problems are so complex that they require the additional professional assistance of a licensed psychologist, counselor, or social worker.

How to Strengthen Character

Build your character to have strength like a lion

Character, from the Greek word "χαρακτήρα", was a term originally used for a mark impressed upon a coin. Nowadays, it is known as the sum of all the attributes, such as integrity, courage, fortitude, honesty, and loyalty, in a person. Character is perhaps the most important essence a person can possess, as it defines who a person is. To strengthen one's character is to mold oneself into a productive person within one's sphere of influence. Here is some advice on how to strengthen your own character, or to train your moral discipline.

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Strength in character is about freedom from prejudices so that you love others as yourself, by extending yourself in kindness and concern (freely, to the others' benefit).

Know what constitutes strength in character. Strength in character consists of having the qualities that allow you to exercise control over your instincts and passions, to master yourself, and to resist the myriad temptations that constantly confront you. Moreover, strength in character is freedom from biases and prejudices of the mind, and is about displaying tolerance, love, and respect for others.

Strength in character allows you to accomplish your goals.

Understand why strength of character is important to yourself and especially to others:

o Strength of character allows you to carry out your will freely, while enabling you to cope with setbacks. It assists you to accomplish your goals in the end.

o It allows you to inquire into the causes of ill-fortune, instead of just complaining about it, as many are inclined to do.

o It gives you the courage to admit your own faults, frivolousness, and weaknesses.o It gives you the strength to keep a foothold when the tide turns against you, and to continue to

climb upward in the face of obstacles.

Empathize with others.

The most important way to strengthen your character is to empathize with others, especially the weaker souls, and to love others as yourself. This may come at some cost, causing you to examine your own motives so that you can empathize ungrudgingly. Empathizing differs from sympathizing in connotation, as empathizing requires you to project yourself and engage as needed (walk in and help clear the other person's pathway);[1] whereas sympathy implies an emotional but passive reaction, such as listening, looking and mimicking without extending oneself.

Favour strong reason, as Emmanuel Kant did.

Seek the truth. Favour reason over pure emotion. The person with a strong character will examine all the facts using the head, and not be biased by emotions from the heart. Settle all matters upon reason alone, and avoid entangling yourself in the chaos of your sensations.[2]

Be a leader.

Be neither a pessimist nor an optimist, but a leader. A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist expects the adverse wind conditions to improve, but the leader takes action to adjust the sails and ensure that they're ready to cope whatever the weather.

Guard against irrational impulses, such as the craving for sweets.

Guard against irrational impulses. Aristotle and Aquinas considered that there are seven human passions: love and hatred, desire and fear, joy and sadness, and anger. While good in themselves, these passions can bypass our intellect and cause us to love the wrong things eat too much food, fear things irrationally, or become overwhelmed in sadness or by anger. The answer is found in always looking before you leap and in practising good habits to free yourself from the enslavement of your own passions. Inordinate, sensual appetites are the marks of a weak character; the ability to delay gratification and practice self control is a sign of strength.

Be content with what you have.

Be content with your lot. Appreciate your own values and that which you have. Imagining that the grass is greener somewhere else is a recipe for lifelong unhappiness; remember that doing so is actually projecting your assumptions about how others live. It is better to focus on how you live.

Be brave.

Be brave enough to take calculated risks. If you shun the battle, you must forgo the victory, and the joy associated therewith. Neither be cowardly, nor aloof, nor evade your rightful duties, but be courageous so as to contribute your part to the progress of humankind.

Fix on the right path, and walk therein, turning neither to the left nor to the right.

Dismiss external suggestions contrary to the resolution you are fixed upon. Every individual has his or her interest foremost in mind, whether consciously or unconsciously. Neither impose your will upon others, nor allow others to impose their will upon you. Remain aware and accepting that different people will have different suggestions, and that you cannot please everyone. Find the right path, and walk therein, neither turn to the right nor the left. Govern yourself, and never abandon the right path.

Learn to do good.

Learn to do good and eschew evil. Seek peace and pursue it earnestly. Aim not for personal goals that trample on others' needs, but aim after noble and worthy motives to benefit society as a whole. If you seek personal gains, you will run into conflicts with others, and, in the end, you will inevitably fail. If you seek the mutual good, all will benefit, and you will also find satisfying personal gains as well.

Master your feelings.

Learn to master your feelings. Avoid letting anything other than sound reason dictate your decisions in the conduct of everyday life. It might often be difficult, and at times impossible, to not yield to feelings deep within your soul, but you can learn to suppress their manifestations, and to overcome them through relying on common sense and sound judgment.

Always seek the middle ground.

Be neither prodigal, nor miserly, but seek the middle ground. The ability to seek the middle ground is the mark of a strong character capable of resisting extremes.

Be calm, and you will have smooth sail.

Be calm in all things. Calmness is a state of quietude that enables you to concentrate and reassemble your divergent thoughts and meditate with profit. Contemplation leads to ideas, and ideas lead to opportunities, and opportunities lead to success. Calmness is a sine qua non of a strong character. Without calmness, there can be no strength in character. Without calmness, passion can easily become overheated, turning into an intense desire and interfering with sound reason. Calmness is not the foe of feelings, but its regulator, permitting their proper expression.

Be positive.

Focus on the positives in life, and spare little time for the negatives. A physician once said to a young woman complaining of all sorts of troubles for which she asked of him a cure: "Don't think of them: it is the most powerful of all cures." Physical and mental pains can be alleviated by effort of the will to divert the mind into opposite channels, and exacerbated by the dwelling upon them.

Oppose fatalism. You can change destiny by adjusting the sails.

Oppose fatalism. Each individual is responsible for his or her own development and fortune. To accept fatalism, that is, to believe that destiny is somehow immovable, is to discourage yourself from attempting all initiatives to improve your life and self. Destiny is blind and deaf; it will neither hear nor regard us. Instead, remember that fixing calamities and changing destiny for the better are ways to strengthen your character and improve your lot in life. Work out your happiness; don't wait for someone else or something else to do it for you because it will never happen unless you persevere.

Be patient.

Have patience. An individual with a strong character will not quit when faced with obstacles, but will persevere to the end and overcome all obstacles. Learn to delay gratifications in life, learn to wait, and

learn that time is your friend. It also helps to know which battles are worth it, and when to let things rest; sometimes letting go is more important than clinging to a sinking ship.

Overcome all fears, such as the fear of heights.

Conquer all fears. Timidity is a stumbling block to success. Entertain no superstitions based upon superficial observations, but accept facts based upon solid reason. Avoid building your foundation upon sand, preferring instead to build upon a rock. Once you overcome fear, you will have the strength of character to think, to have resolve, and to act victoriously.

To grow a beautiful and fruitful garden like this, you must clear the soil by removing all the weeds.

Just as a gardener must remove all the weeds to grow the crops, so you must likewise dispel from your mind all feeble thoughts, that act as weeds undermining your strength. Guard against excessive emotions, and attribute to them their exact significance. Whenever you find yourself preoccupied with some overwhelming emotion, immediately occupy yourself with something else for fifteen minutes, up to an hour. Many great warriors have lost their lives when they react too brashly to insults, and go to fight prematurely against their taunters without adequate preparations, acting merely upon a hot head. Learn to overcome such a weakness with practice, remembering that anger is a common vice in all those of weak character.

Have a business plan.

Exercise coolness, circumspection, discernment, and prudence in business. Cultivate your mind with logic, and conduct your affairs accordingly.

Be honest always.

Always be truthful in all things and every aspect of life. If you are dishonest, you are dishonest with yourself, and that is an assault upon your own character.

Work hard.

Finally, excel wherever you are, and do your best in whatever you do. Work hard, and shun idleness like the plague. By the same token, learn to appreciate quality leisure time for its ability to rejuvenate and inspire you to return to your good deeds.

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Be happy.

Be happy. Happiness is health. Happiness gives you strength to overcome the monotonous and dispel boredom in life. It allows you to make the best of all things. Happiness is a state of mind. It has been observed, that there are more smiles on the faces of those of modest means, than on those of wealthy bankers on Wall Street.

Be a good friend.

Be a good friend. Devote yourself to your friend, and be willing to sacrifice. Never hold grudges, and dismiss all petty incidents. Live in harmony with others. Do not be egoistic: always think in terms of others' interests.

Exercise!

Do physical exercise to train your endurance. The mind and the body interconnect. So train your physical endurance to strengthen your mental endurance.

Have discipline.

Have discipline and self-control. Flee from bad impulses (including destructive works or actions that one regrets later) -- and compulsive-obsessive behaviors that become a habit and deform character.

How to Be Humble

Gandhi, a well-known advocate of humility.

"In reality there is perhaps not one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself...For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility." - Benjamin Franklin

"It's hard to be humble," says an old country song, "when you're perfect in every way." Very few people, of course, actually think they're perfect in every way, but it can still be pretty hard to be humble, especially when you live in a society that encourages competition and individuality. Even in such a culture, however, humility is an important virtue. Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most religions and spiritual traditions, and humility can also help you develop as a person and enjoy richer relationships with others.

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Appreciate your talents. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but pride, the kind of pride that leans toward arrogance, is rooted in insecurity about yourself. Think about the abilities you have, and be thankful for them.

Conduct an honest evaluation of yourself. Honesty with yourself is the best policy. If you know you are weak in a certain area, your enemies will not be able to have that power over you. Accept yourself as you are.

Understand your limitations. No matter how talented you are, there is almost always somebody who can do something better than you. Look to those who are better, even much better than you at something, in order to remember that you are not the best while considering the potential for improvement. Also, even if you are the best in the world at doing one thing, there are other things that are important worthwhile things that you cannot do, and you may never be able to do some of these things. Add to this the fact that there are a great many things that no person can do, and you can get some idea of your limitations. Recognizing your limitations does not mean abandoning your dreams, and it doesn't mean giving up on learning new things, or improving your existing abilities. It does mean coming to terms with the very real limits of your abilities.

Recognize your own faults. We judge others because it's a lot easier than looking at our own faults. Unfortunately, it's also completely unproductive and, in many cases, harmful. Judging others causes strife in relationships, and it prevents new relationships from forming. Perhaps even worse, it prevents us from trying to improve ourselves. We make judgments about others all the time, and we often don't even realize it. As a practical exercise, try to catch yourself in the act of judging another person or group of people, and whenever you do, judge yourself instead and consider how you could improve yourself.

Stop comparing. Why? Because, it's just about impossible to be humble when we're striving to be the "best" or trying to be "better" than others. Instead, try describing things more objectively. Rather than saying that so and so is the best guitarist ever, say what exactly it is that you appreciate about his skills, or simply say that you like his playing style. Let go of meaningless, simplistic comparisons, and you'll be able to enjoy doing things without worrying about whether you're better or worse at them than others.

Appreciate the talents and qualities of others. Challenge yourself to look at others and appreciate the things they can do and, more generally, to appreciate people for who they are. Understand that everybody is different and relish the chance you have to experience different people. You will still have your personal tastes, your likes and dislikes, but train yourself to separate your opinions from your fears and you will appreciate others more--you will be humbler.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Never be afraid to admit that you made a mistake. Part of being humble is understanding that you will make mistakes. Understand this, and understand that everyone else makes mistakes, and you will have a heavy burden lifted off of you. Why do we make mistakes? Because we don't know everything. Any one person can know only the smallest bits and pieces of the tremendous knowledge that

has accumulated over the past. What's more, we experience only a sliver of the present, and we know nothing of the future.

Don't be afraid to defer to others' judgment. It's easy to acknowledge that you make mistakes and that you're not always right. Somewhat more difficult however, is the ability to acknowledge that in many cases other people--even people who disagree with you--may be right. Deferring to your spouse's wishes, to a law you don't agree with, or even, sometimes, to your child's opinion takes your recognition of your limitations to a different level. Instead of simply saying that you know that you're fallible, you take action based on that fact. Of course, if you know that a particular course of action is wrong, you shouldn't follow it. On closer inspection, though, you may realize that you don't actually know this as often as you think you do. However, don't make it seem like you're being self-deprecating. It can make you look like you have low self-esteem.

Rejuvenate your sense of wonder. Because we, as individuals, know practically nothing, you'd expect that we'd be awestruck more often than we typically are. Children have this sense of wonder, and it inspires the curiosity that makes them such keen observers and capable learners. Do you really know how your microwave works? Could you build one on your own? What about your car? Your brain? A rose? The jaded, "I've seen it all" attitude makes us feel far more important than we are. Be amazed like a child and you will not only be humbled; you will also be readier to learn.

Seek guidance. Contemplate moral texts and proverbs about humility. Pray for it, meditate on it, do whatever it takes to get your attention off yourself. If you're not into spirituality, consider the scientific method. Science requires humility. It requires that you let go of your preconceived notions and judgments and understand that you don't know as much as you think you do.

Think about yourself under different circumstances. Much of what we give ourselves credit for is actually a product of luck. Suppose you graduate from an Ivy League university at the top of your class. You definitely deserve a lot of credit for the many hours of studying and for your perseverance. Consider though, that there is someone just as intelligent and hardworking as you who had less supportive parents, grew up in a different place, or just had the bad luck to make one wrong choice in life. That person - you, really - might be in jail now; they might be shivering in the entryway of a darkened storefront or clinging to life in a hospital bed. Or they may already have died, far from a hospital, from the very same illness for which your doctor treated you with a one-week course of antibiotics. Always remember that with a little bad luck yesterday, your whole life could be different today and, furthermore, that today could be the day your luck changes.

Help others. A big part of being humble is respecting others, and part of respecting others is helping them. Treat other people as equals and help them because it is the right thing to do. It's been said that when you can help others who cannot possibly help you in return, you have learned humility.

Remain teachable. Find people you aspire to be like in certain areas, and ask them to mentor you. Under mentorship; good boundary setting, confidentiality and discernment is required. As soon as you cross the line of being 'unteachable', bring yourself back down to earth again. An unteachable spirit is a proud spirit, which is the opposite of humility.

Practice gentleness. Gentleness of spirit is the sure path to humility. Use 'Aikido' where possible when faced with conflict. ie. Absorb the venom from other's attacks and react with gentleness and respect.

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Keep in mind that being humble has many benefits. Humility can help you be more content with your life, and it can also help you endure bad times and improve your relationships with others. It's also essential to being an effective learner. If you think you know it all, you won't be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge. Humility is also, somewhat counter-intuitively, an excellent tool for self-development in general. After all, if you feel superior, you have no incentive to improve. Most of all, being humble allows you to be honest with yourself.

Seek trusted and wise counsel and obtain accountability partners if you find this to be a weakness in your life. Pride comes before the fall and prevention is definitely better than cure.

It is fine to talk about yourself a little, but make a conscious effort to ask people about themselves too.

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Pretending to be humble isn't the same as being humble, and often people who pretend to be humble do it in order to seek out praise. Other people will recognize this, and even if you fool some, you won't derive the same benefits as you would through actually developing humility.

Similarly, don't confuse being humble with being sycophantic (being overly-praiseful of someone for your own profit). This is a common misconception, but the two attitudes are completely different.

Now that you know that humility wins, don't use it as a manipulation tactic. Many people pretend to be humble, but are in fact not. There are many 'wolves in sheep's clothing' out there. Use discernment with all people.

While a bit of humility is a good thing, don't take it too far, thus becoming a doormat. Remember, everything in moderation.