How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

This educational presentation has been This educational presentation has been brought to you by The U.S. Department of brought to you by The U.S. Department of Homeland Security in cooperation with Homeland Security in cooperation with

your federal, state, and local government.your federal, state, and local government.

From This Presentation You Will Learn:

• What the so-called “Rage” virus is and how What the so-called “Rage” virus is and how it affects those infectedit affects those infected

• How the virus is transmittedHow the virus is transmitted• How to recognize those who are infectedHow to recognize those who are infected• How to protect yourself and your family How to protect yourself and your family

during this outbreakduring this outbreak

What is the “Rage” Virus?What is the “Rage” Virus?

This highly contagious virus causes This highly contagious virus causes extreme rage in its victims, and an extreme rage in its victims, and an overwhelming desire to attack any overwhelming desire to attack any living creature the infected comes into living creature the infected comes into contact with. The mere sight of an contact with. The mere sight of an uninfected person or animal is enough uninfected person or animal is enough to provoke an attack.to provoke an attack.

How is the Virus How is the Virus Spread?Spread?

• Through contact with Through contact with any bodily fluids of any bodily fluids of those infectedthose infected

• Biting appears to be Biting appears to be the preferred method the preferred method of spreading the virusof spreading the virus

• Although it has not Although it has not been confirmed, been confirmed, some believe some believe infected also spread infected also spread the virus by the the virus by the projectile vomiting of projectile vomiting of blood onto their blood onto their intended victimintended victim

Recognizing the Recognizing the InfectedInfected

• Extremely red eyesExtremely red eyes• Blood oozing from the mouthBlood oozing from the mouth• Lunging for your neck in an Lunging for your neck in an

attempt to rip out your jugularattempt to rip out your jugular

WARNING!!!

Before continuing this presentation, the DoHS would like to reiterate the grave nature of the threat we are facing. It is extremely important that citizens recognize that anyone could contract this virus at any time.

No One is Immune to Zombie Infection

Not expectant mothers . . .

Not Our Children . . .

Or the Greatest Minds of Our Time

Not Even Our Beloved Pets are Safe

Yes, Even Our Food Has Turned On Us

On a lighter note, here’s a completely unrelated Venn Diagram.

Growing Fear in the Population

As you can see from this very scientific graph, the increase in zombies is causing widespread panic in the population.

What You Need to Know

• Use your head, cut off theirs!– Arming yourself and those around you is the

first step in protecting yourself

• Travel in groups– The more people you have watching your

back, the less likely a zombie can sneak up behind it

• There is no cure– Should a loved one get bitten, attempting to

save them will only be a danger to yourself and the rest of your group.

Arm Yourselves

• During these trying times, we whole-heartedly recommend that every citizen carry some form of protection against attacking zombies

• While guns are the preferred method of zombie disposal, remember that a blade never needs reloading

Fashionable Protection

• For those who still feel the need to accessorize even in the face of a zombie apocalypse, there are many weapons that can be color coordinated to match any ensemble.

How To Kill a Zombie

• The most effective way to kill a zombie is to damage its brain tissue or sever its head

• While this may seem gruesome at first, especially to the squeamish, with enough practice, it will soon become fun for the whole family!

A List of Do’s And Don'ts

• Do stock up on plenty of ammunition and foodstuffs. A run to the grocery store won’t be nearly as simple as it was in the past.

• Do find an easily defendable place to stay until the pandemic has come to an end. Board up any windows and entrances

• Do stay in a group whenever possible.

• Inspect any new people you encounter for bite marks or other signs of zombie infection

• Don’t set up your base of operations in a grocery store. The many entrances and glass windows make them very hard to defend.

• Don’t be the one standing around crying and screaming while the rest of the group fights zombies. Our research concludes that this is the quickest way to ensure your own death.

• Don’t think you can reason with an infected. The only goal they have now is to spread the virus or to rip you limb from limb.

Flirting With Zombies=Bad Idea

• Sure, she may be cute, and it may be flattering that she wants you for your mind, but in this case, that’s a bad thing.

Things To RememberThings To Remember

Stock up on food and weapons. An Stock up on food and weapons. An unprepared citizen is just a zombie waiting unprepared citizen is just a zombie waiting to happen.to happen.

Avoid Heavily Populated Avoid Heavily Populated AreasAreas

The virus will The virus will spread rapidly spread rapidly through cities, so through cities, so avoid these as avoid these as much as possible.much as possible.

If you are currently If you are currently in a city, evacuate in a city, evacuate as quickly as you as quickly as you cancan

Stick TogetherStick Together

Friends don’t let Friends don’t let friends get turned friends get turned into zombies.into zombies.

However, be However, be prepared to shoot prepared to shoot your friend should your friend should he/she get he/she get infected.infected.

Zombies are StupidZombies are Stupid

C’mon. If we can’t C’mon. If we can’t outsmart these outsmart these guys, maybe we guys, maybe we deserve whatever’s deserve whatever’s coming to us. coming to us.

This, Too, Shall PassThis, Too, Shall Pass

Government scientists are working at top Government scientists are working at top bureaucratic efficiency to develop a cure bureaucratic efficiency to develop a cure

Either we’ll win . . . Or they will. Either Either we’ll win . . . Or they will. Either way, it will all be over eventually. way, it will all be over eventually.

The Bright Side

• Remember how hard it was to find a parking spot at Wal-Mart? Well, after this is over with you won’t have to worry about that any more!

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