978-1-4276-3415-3

How to Shop for a ChurchAnd find the one you really love!

Doug Husen

For several years I have been one of those pastors who “works the door”. You know what I mean? I stand by the door of the church and meet and greet people as they come and go. In our “start-up” church it was a great way to meet 1st time visitors, guests, church hoppers and church shoppers. I enjoyed those precious moments trying to encourage people, thank them for coming and hopefully get to know them by their first name.

The surprising and heartbreaking story I heard over and over from visitors was how long they had been looking for a church. Like me, you might have guessed that it takes 2 or 3 months to find a church home? No such luck! I wish it was that easy. I frequently heard “we've been looking for two years”. Two years?! Imagine, two years without a church to call “home”; two years of “on your own” spiritual growth; two years without a church to invite friends and neighbors; two years while kids develop without Christian friendships and consistent nurturing. Two years! Think about all that happens in two years! Worse yet, imagine all that could have happened.

I have written this book for a few reasons. First and foremost, this book is for the thousands of people who are visiting a church this week and wondering and praying…

How to Shop for a ChurchAnd find the one you really love!

“Is this the one?”

Will God speak to me and say “this is your church home”!

My goal is to help you find a church that fits and that you will really love. To do that, we need to get both you and the church ready. Because finding a church home is a little like dating on your way to getting married. That's why this book is also for church leaders and pastors too. In the following chapters, I want to present some insights to help church leaders and church shoppers “seal the deal”.

My prayer for you is that this book steps you through How to Shop for a Church… and Find the One you Really Love!

Sincerely,

Doug Husen

Lots of peeps (people) don't understand what the church really is.Jesus didn't tell me or you to “go to church”. He called us to “become part of” the church. The idea of church originated with Jesus, who said, “I will build my church” (Matthews 16:18). Jesus had people in his mind, not buildings. The church is the group of people who have been called out of the 'world' and have decided to follow Jesus Christ and His teachings. The Bible says the church is a group of people who relate to each other like a family, a fellowship, a body (members), a spiritual building, a field, and the like. The local church has become the expression of what Jesus had in mind. It's the fulfillment to some degree of His great idea, in our world today. I would venture that most people still think and say “I go to church”, rather than, “I am part of my church”. Let's make it our goal to not just go to church, but to truly become part of it.

We move around a whole bunch more than we used to.Ever met someone who lived their whole life in the same place? They are fewer and fewer, aren't they? I remember a telephone repair guy who was talking about his job. He summarized what he did as “moves, adds and changes”. I guess the phone company looked at people and customers as phone numbers that occasionally change. People were just part of the bigger process of a move, add (new phone line), or a change to the existing account. Church leaders can slip into that management mode too, and forget how difficult it is to connect in their church. The reality is that people

Why is it so hard anyway?

move geographically more today than ever before. Think about it, one reason we find it difficult to get plugged into a church could be the result of a move, add or change.

Everyone acts like a consumer. You and I have been trained to decide upon, purchase, or dismiss a product and/or service in response to brilliantly crafted, 30 second commercials. From the moment we are born, commercials and advertisements play in the foreground and background of our lives. Some are overt and take the form of banners, signs, window stickers, and promotional items that litter the landscape of our lives. Some are subtle logos, slogans, and jingles. In either case, we build unconscious defenses to the slick marketing of Madison Avenue. In our minds is an invisible grid firmly in place by our teen years that “screens” out the advertising. We are expert consumers with an underlying attitude that everyone is trying to sell us something. We can easily approach church shopping with a consumer mentality.

For these reasons and a few others… finding a church has become a lot more like “Shopping” than a spiritual endeavor. Instead of being prayerful and enjoyable, it's often frustrating, emotionally draining and time consuming. And too often we feel like somewhere out there is a church that would suit us better, one that I could really love, fit into, grow up in, serve within, and say with joy and pride… “This is my church home”! I just wish I could find it.

A few words for Pastors and Church Leaders A few words for Church Shoppers

Chapter 1. “I just knew it” ….........……........………...….. God said “This is the place”

Chapter 2. “Hey, when do we speak in tongues?”….…. Denominational Distinctives

Chapter 3. “What do you have for my kids?” …………..……… Full service or niche?

Chapter 4. “I give my money, isn't that enough?” …...… Expectations of Involvement

Chapter 5. “The music is too loud” … Do I have to like the music to love the church?

Chapter 6. “What's she doing serving communion?”….... Organizational Leadership

Chapter 7. “How long is that guy gonna talk?”...................................... The Preacher

Conclusion

A few words about Me

Table of Contents

First and foremost, I praise God for you! Thank you for serving Jesus Christ with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Thanks for reading this book. Thanks for buying it too! My hope is that you will give this book as a gift to every person that visits your church.

Please let me share some quick reminders about the people who are visiting you this weekend… the people I call “Church Shoppers”.

One of their biggest questions will be answered by you in their very first visit. “Can I relate to this pastor?” I've read lots of surveys that confirm the #1 reason people come back to a church after their first visit is that they felt like they could relate to the pastor or church leader. Think about how significant that is for a minute. You have an incredible opportunity to influence a return visit. Your sermon or message, word of encouragement, blessing, greeting, offering mediation, communion time, could be the one moment God uses in a powerful way this week. So, please give it your best! By the way, because relating to the pastor or church leader is so important, why not double your odds at a positive connection by putting at least one other person on the platform with your. Share the duties, and double your odds that they will come back.

Let me remind you of a few other thoughts the church shoppers will have on their mind and will talk about over lunch today. Many will ask “Did my children learn something spiritual or Biblical, and did

A few words for Pastors and Church Leaders they have fun? They will remember, “Did anyone say hello to me?”; “Did I feel welcome or did I feel out of place?” “Was the women's restroom clean?” “Did I connect with God?” “Am I comfortable with the way they did communion or lit the candles?” “Was something missing?” “Did they embarrass me? Is this a loving place?”

Whew! That's a lot on the shopper's mind, huh? Church leaders, please listen carefully as you consider next the biggest question a visitor is NOT asking … “Do I like the pastor?” While they may ask, did I feel like he/she related to me, they are not asking, do I like him/her. As important as you are… they don't need to “like” you. Believe it or not, most visitors are asking a different question… They are asking “Does the pastor like me?” So, please smile and come right out and say it: “I am glad you are here; God loves you and so do I”. If you can't honestly say that, maybe it's time to find someone who can and find yourself another occupation. Pastor, your language, the church campus and facilities, the children's ministry, the bulletin, the choice of songs, and the weekly preparation for visitors says it all! Every Sunday, your church is hanging out a sign that either says “Welcome!” or “No Vacancy”. Which is it?

Stop! Take a moment and pray before you even read anything else. Really!

Prepare yourself and family by sitting down together and praying. Start with a humble attitude that invites God's leading instead of relying on your own experience… you will be much more likely to succeed. Finding a church you really love is far too important to leave it to chance or even your own intellect.

Please pray before you leave your own drive way. Pray again in the parking lot before you get out of your car. Pray, pray, pray. Pray “God help us discover You today in a new and fresh way.” When you come into a new church, may I suggest that you train your mind to accept the experience for what it is and resist the temptation to start evaluating the church “on the fly”. If you “keep score” in your mind, it will prevent you from being fair and sensing the leading and guiding of God's Holy Spirit. Avoid making the mental two column list. One column is the things “I like”, the other is for all the things “I don't like”. Avoid sitting in judgment of the worship service, it will prevent you from entering into the worship service. Don't critique, there will be time for that. Train your mind to swerve away from thoughts like… “Do I like the singing?” “Ugghh, the bulletin is messy and I don't like when people use the comic sans serif font, besides, is not big enough.” “The greeters didn't say hello to me.” “The music was loud.” “The video was funny.” “The seats are uncomfortable.” All

A few words for Shoppersthis prevents you from worshipping God and it's unfair to the church. Wait till lunch to evaluate the sermon. That's when everyone else does! If necessary, I suggest, that you actually listen to the sermon again online or buy a CD after service.

Certainly there are many factors in finding a church, but what I am about to do is introduce you to the six that I feel are the most important in helping you find the church you'll really love.

What's the payoff? The sooner you and a church can know that you are a fit for each other, the sooner everyone can get about the important work of the kingdom of God – growing in your relationship with the Lord, serving one another, loving everyone in the name of Jesus, and evangelizing the world.

The personal payoff is that you could begin enjoying the blessing of being part of a church where you grow spiritually and make a difference in the kingdom of God by forming relationships that will last forever.

God bless you. Now, let's get going!

Sometimes you walk into a place and just know… I am home! It's that simple. Praise God if that happened for you recently or even today. Isn't it great to be resolved that God wants me here (wherever “here” is) for a reason and a season. I know it. I feel it. Awesome!

Do you know how people used to find churches? Some would just look in the phone book for the denomination in which they were already associated. Unfortunately, denominational names do not always match the experience you may expect. The truth is, today, there is a wide variance in how any given denomination functions from one place to the next. The church I am a part of, doesn’t even advertise in the phone book.

I remember when I moved away to college with my friends, Todd & Terry. We thought… “Let's just go look for a Calvary Chapel church.” And you know what? It worked! But, that was 25 years ago. Not every church with the words calvary and chapel teaches verse by verse from the Bible the way Chuck Smith or Greg Laurie might. Fortunately, we have the internet today and we can check out a church before ever visiting in person. I looked at some statistics about my own

“I just knew it!”………..…… God said “This is the place”

church recently. Over 50% of the people who have been to our website have never even been to our campus, yet. Wow! That saves gas and time. And I love it.

I remember a great recommendation I once received from pastor Tim Coop. He said “you will know you are in a good church, just listen for the sound of Bible pages turning.” I agree. One of the important criteria for me is that a church uses the Bible as the guide for life.

Church slogans can really tell you something about the personality and focus of the church. It can't tell you everything though. But it's a good place to start. Chuck Booher of Crossroads Christian Church in Corona, California expresses what the church is about by saying “We have a passionate commitment to Christ, Cause, and Community. Jud Wilhite of Central Christian in Las Vegas puts it this way. We want to express “Passionate worship”. Pastor, Rick Stedman of Adventure Christian in Rocklin, California reminds people that their church is all about “Loving People One at a Time”.

No matter how a church expresses itself in words, ultimately it's about how we fit into that message. It takes a season to figure that out. That's why each of us can have a mindset that commits to, submits to, and prays for the leadership while we are shopping. Let me say to you in a very personal heartfelt way – If you've been burned, hurt, or otherwise mistreated at a previous church, I am sorry. Welcome to the club. Let's get over it. Forgive “them”,

whoever “they” may be. And let's not hold it over the leaders at the next church. It's simply not fair, nor productive.

Craig Groeschel in his book “It” calls our attention to that unseen, undefined, factor that we feel, sense, or know is part of a great church. And because “it” is there, we want to be there too. Many will choose a church on that factor alone. And it's totally OK!

The “It” factor is often the “God” factor. If you experience “It”, you won't offend me by setting this book down right now and not finishing it. If God does what He often does… He speaks to you! Well, then, with all the human logic aside, say “yes”. God may call you to be part of a church for a season for His reasons in spite of the apparent “lack of fit” you perceive. So, apart from any recommendation this book may make, please, please, please listen first and foremost to the voice of the living God.

Sometimes when people experience this “God” factor, they say things like… “I just knew this was it!” Or, “I felt the love of God here.” “God spoke to me and said, this is where I want you” “I knew I was supposed to be here.” Jeff and Sherida had visited several churches in town. Then they came to New Song Christian Church. The pastor invited people to put their faith in Christ and step out publicly. Jeff and Sherida did. They were baptized within a few weeks in the swimming pool of their condominium complex. For them, the “It” factor was a public invitation to follow Christ.

I finally got my neighbor Chuck to come to church with me. I will never forget what he told our senior pastor. Dale caught Chuck near the door just as the service was ending and asked, “How did you like the service, Chuck?” He told Dale, “Well, it was nice pastor, but it's not my cup of tea”. I praise God for that kind of honesty. I cannot tell you how often we heard people say. “Loved it, we will be back next week”. And we never saw them again. It turns out that Chuck was far more comfortable in a Catholic setting, than our “happy clappy” worship service. On the whole, we ended up fitting well with Chuck on a number of levels like youth ministry for his son, home Bible studies, etc., but our lack of liturgy always made him just a little less than 100% comfortable.

Now it's your time to do some introspection and be completely honest. Do you have some non-negotiables? Are there things that must happen or be a part of the church that you simply won't be content without over time? Let me get you thinking by suggesting some practices that may or may not be major issues to you. “How and how often do we participate in communion (Eucharist, or the Lord's Supper)?” Imagine being invited to remember the Lord Jesus' death and resurrection by taking the bread and wine/juice, as the instructions are given, you realize that everyone will be drinking from a common cup. Does that bother you? Are you a “germ-a-phobe?” If so, that's probably going to be a show stopper for you?

What about the exercise of spiritual gifts. You know the ones we always argue about, like speaking in tongues, word of wisdom, word of knowledge, prophetic utterance. Often these can seem like preferences, when they are actually essential to us either in practice or doctrine.

“Hey, when do we speak in tongues?”…. Denominational Distinctives

You can learn a lot about the pratice of a church by simply reading their Statement of Beliefs. Lots of churches post them on their website so you can read them before ever visiting. In the same way a slogan tells you part of the story. So does a statement of belief. Take time to read it. If you are unsure about something, print it and take it to a friend. Is there anything weird there? Is there an over-emphasis on non-essential issues?

If you don't have a working list in your own mind of essential beliefs that relate to salvation, may I share with you my short list? My list forms an acrostic that spells the word: SUBVeRT because I don't want anyone to subvert your faith.

Saved by grace through faith – Simply put, you and I cannot earn our salvation; it is a gift from God. “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;” Ephesians 2:8 (NASB)Unique deity of Jesus Christ – Jesus is not better than any other man who has lived, He is categorically different from all others. He is God in a bod(y), God incarnate. “And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high” Hebrews 1:3 (NASB)Bodily Resurrection – Jesus was raised from the dead in a body. The implication is profound. He was not a ghost. The resurrection is the central hope of the Christian faith, namely, that God will likewise raise us up in a similar body that will allow us to exist forever with Him. Jesus

bodily resurrection assures me of life after death. “And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is vain, your faith also is vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:14 (NASB) Vicarious Atonement – Jesus died for me. It's that simple and that personal. He paid the penalty for my sins upon the cross. Because He did, I will not have to pay the penalty for my own sins. “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NASB) Return of Christ – Jesus promised to come again. While we can argue all day long about when and how, we must all take Him at His word and promise. “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.” John 14:3 (NASB) Trinity – even though the word “Trinity” does not occur in the Bible, it accurately describes God's revelation of Himself as Father, Son and Holy Spirit (Tri-Unity). God has revealed Himself as three persons, each co-equal, co-eternal, yet one God. “And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit”. Matthew 28:18-19 (NASB)

While this is a simple list of sound doctrine that relates to our salvation, I think you'll find it fairly consistent and a helpful tool in recognizing essential doctrines as opposed to preferences. Even if you agree with a church's doctrine, it doesn't guarantee a “good fit”. You can share a

theology of ministry, but differ on philosophy of ministry. A philosophy of ministry answers the “how” we go about living out the truth we agree upon. Do your preferences or philosophy of ministry differ too greatly from the church? Honestly, while your preferences are not a matter of salvation. They can lead to rreal dissatisfaction if they go unmet. If a church doesn't share your preference for snake handling, flag waving, or a hand bell choir, please don't let that be a deal breaker. Acknowledge their shortcoming, agree not to try and change them and look for the great common good.

Let's touch on Spiritual Gifts for a moment. Some will say it shouldn't matter. If we are all mature Christians, we don't need to even discuss our position on things like speaking in tongues. Wrong-o Mary Lou! (As my mom used to say) Spiritual Gifts and their use or non-use can easily leave even a mature Christian frustrated. If you expect a particular church like a Church of Christ, Disciples of Christ, or Christian Church to set aside time Sunday morning for each person in the congregation to exercise the gift of tongues, prophecy, word of wisdom in the same way that Vineyard churches do, “Bless your heart”, it ain't gonna happen. I think you will feel more comfortable attending a Calvary Chapel who does that in “Afterglow” service or an Assemblies of God church down the street.

Georgianna was looking for a church when a friend invited her to our church. She jumped right in and did everything I have described in this book. She was making friends, growing in her faith, serving in accordance with her gifts,… I mean she went for it all out. Guess what?

Show stopper! After about 10 weeks, she realized how important exercising her particular spiritual gift of prophecy was to her. She wrote us the nicest letter, crystallizing personal discovery and feelings: Pastors Dale and Doug,

I just wanted you to know that I have been praying about this decision for a couple of weeks and well I have decided to start attending another church in the area that I feel is a better match for me to be all I can in Christ. I have loved and appreciated your friendship and acceptance and I will continue to keep you all lifted up in prayer. There is no thing or person or incident that led me to this decision - in fact I count it a honor and privilege to have met so many wonderful brothers and sisters in the Lord. God bless you all as you continue your service for the advance of His kingdom. In His Love,

Georgianna

Now that's an incredible letter. Even though you may not find the perfect fit at the first or second church, would you please take the time to write the pastor and let him know that you appreciate the church? We pastors get paranoid when people don't stay and we assume something is broken. We also take it personally… as if we or our church could ever be all things to all people. If you have a particular expression of worship or gift you want to exercise, just ask the pastor up front if its gonna work they way you expect. I think you'll find most pastors are pretty secure in their own opinions and that of their denominational practices. You might even ask, “what church would be a better fit for me?”

Parents worry and often ask “Will this church meet the needs of my family?” “Are they partnering with me in helping my children grow in their faith?” As we ask that question, we should keep in mind that God has given us as parents the primary responsibility for the spiritual development of our kids. We, not the pastor, will be responsible before God for our children's spiritual development. Really, the best a church can do is “partner together” with parents. Keeping that in mind, it is fair to evaluate the methods and degree to which a church partners together with you. You may be used to having your kids attend an age-specific group on Sunday mornings and midweek. Is this a show stopper if the church does it differently or not at all? You might ask, “Do I require a full-time youth pastor? Children's pastor? Pastor to seniors? Disabilities, Women, or Singles?”. The more “full service” you desire, the larger the church you should seek.

Some of us have grown up with an experience where specific ministries beyond Sunday morning must exist for every age group… sort of a “cradle to grave” idea. We want a pastor over skateboards (teens) and a pastor over shuffleboards (senior adults). There is no guarantee you will be any more satisfied in a full service church than a niche church which offers only a fraction of the ministries. Your satisfaction level depends upon expectations, not just offerings. In addition, when we are faithfully serving within the life of a church, we tend to be more content as we wait for specialty ministries to develop.

“What do you have for kids?” …… Full service or niche?

By looking at the existing ministries of a church on a website and talking with church leaders about their vision (what they hope the church becomes) you can properly assess whether or not the church is a niche church or it is heading toward full service.

Be careful about holding church leaders to your expectations for the pace of ministry development. During the first five years at the “start-up” church, we said over and over again to people who pointed out our deficiencies… “We want to get there, but we’re not there yet!”

Ask yourself, “Can I be happy right now, knowing “we’re not there yet?”

Churches have different expectations of involvement. Sunday attendance is only one measure of “goodness” that churches may have. Actually, some churches care more about small group participation than Sunday attendance. Most churches have some expectation that you will attend regularly. How regular is regular?

Our church expects a lot. We expect everyone to:! grow in a passionate commitment to Jesus Christ, His cause and His community. ! have a vibrant daily time with God in prayer and devotion.! have an identifiable job in the life of the church that is their ministry. ! participate in a short-term mission experience. ! come to church Sunday morning and either Sunday night or mid-week. ! give 10% or more of their income and to show generosity in the form of special offerings and to give sacrificially as God leads. ! Prayerfully support the leadership of the church.

How clear are your church leaders about their expectations? If you aren't sure what the expectations are, please ask! It may be that the church you attend has a very low expectation of participation and involvement compared to other churches. But, it may be your speed. Realistically, are you going to be bored in 3 months? Perhaps a church with a greater challenge would suit you better. You can often find out what the church “measures as goodness” by reading the website, listening closely to the announcements and especially to what the pastor celebrates. When church leaders give a “call to action”, what are they asking you to do, become, or get involved in? What are they saying you should give, attend, pray for or invite to? These are the expectations of involvement.

“I give my money, isn't that enough” … Expectations of Involvement

Do they resonate with you? Do they paint a compelling vision for you?

Another way to figure out the expectations of involvement is to volunteer. Volunteer for a one-time opportunity or a regular ministry. Find out how volunteers are trained, inspired, thanked and celebrated? Are all the really good jobs done only by pastors or paid staff? Rarely can churches survive without your involvement, but how well matched are you? Do you prefer the “professionals” do everything? Or do you desire to get more involved than you are right now?

The congregation was singing the 3rd worship song on Sunday morning. Hands were lifted, people were clapping on beat and their voices were raised. Mike and I were working the sound booth when our senior pastor popped in the back and exclaimed “the music is too damn loud!” Explicative aside, he probably was right. But, hey we were 20 years younger than he was.

Nothing is more emotionally engaging or more devisive in a church than the worship in song and music. Let me say straight out, you can love a church, even if you don't like the music. But, it's really hard. Some of the most flexible people in our church are those who have lived through three or four decades of changing worship styles: hymns, choruses, choir songs, praise songs, Maranatha music, Hillsongs, United, etc. etc. etc.

Let me tell you something from an insider's perspective. A church will get more complaints in this area of ministry than any other. Praise God for the senior pastor who shields their worship leader from the negative criticism that comes from even well-meaning people. Our policy with “constructive criticism” has always been, unsigned memos (on the prayer cards), anonymous e-mails, etc. go straight into the wastebasket - unread! Signed stuff is read by the senior pastor, promptly discarded, probably never to be shared with the worship pastor. The worship pastor's job is to lead us, not cater to us.

“The music is too loud” … Do I have to like the music to love the church?

I remember reading about some pastors wanted to have fun and play with an “made-up” advertisement for a worship leader. They created an impossible job description. It said things that were outright impossible and incompatible. I think at one point they said something to the effect that this new Worship Leader must be able to harmonize a handbell choir with contemporary rock style worship. I mean “come on”!

Sadly, there were actually responses. A worship service cannot be all things to all people. While a worship leader should be sensitive to the people he is leading, he cannot cater to everyone at all times. You are not the audience anyway…GOD IS!

Christian song writer Matt Redman talks about how he was inspired to write the song Heart of Worship. The song contains the lyrics:

I'm coming back to the heart of worship. Where its all about you, Jesus!, I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it, When it's all about you, it's all about you, Jesus

Matt said this song came out of a time of repentance and prayer as he realized he was too often sitting in critique and judgment of the worship service, when others were leading, instead of entering into it. Matt says “a sense of consumerism seeped in”. Sound familiar?

Please try to engage and enter into worship as opposed to sitting in judgment of it. Why? Because at the end of the day, the goal is to worship God, not just shop for a church.

I remember what a big deal it was when the first woman walked down the aisle and passed the communion trays down each aisle. Oh my goodness! It was the slaughtering of a very sacred cow! I didn't see why it was a big deal. Still don't. But when a woman was appointed as an elder, I voted no! Hey, don't judge me. That was my personal preference and my understanding of 1Timothy.

A big question in churches today involves the role of women in leadership. Actually, it wasn't too long ago that this was “The” big issue. The question generally revolves around whether or not a woman can serve communion, speak from the platform up front or teach men? I will tell you how to find some clues about where your church is at on this issue. Take a look at the list of staff members. See if women are called pastors or directors or by different titles than the men on staff. Are the women permitted to serve on the eldership? Who is doing what on a weekly basis? While this is not an essential to salvation, it can become a source of frustration over time if you don't agree or understand “why” your church holds their positions.

There is no one way that “good” churches are organized. The Bible gives principles for leadership, decision-making, and some definitions of various roles within church leadership and organization. The place to find out the details of organizational leadership for most churches is in the By Laws of Incorporation. The “By Laws” can be a bit tedious, detailed and boring since they contain legal requirements for voting, membership, dissolution of property, financing, etc.

Here is where organizational leadership matters. If you think you are going to pick out the color of the carpet in your church, and then discover you didn't get your way. Then what? Will there be a congregational meeting? How do I get to have my say, when I don't get my way? You might wonder, “What other decisions are being made without me?” Who sets the priorities for this

“What's she doing serving communion?”… Organizational Leadership

church? Who decides how to spend the money? Do we have a budget? Who is leading this church, the elders or the staff?

There are lots of questions and just as many differences in how churches operate. For instance, we describe our church leadership structure as “Staff led, Elder protected.” Our senior pastor appoints staff. Staff sets the ministry goals and plans with the congregation in mind. Elders appoint the senior pastor with the congregation's confirmation. I am not saying it's the best way, but it does work for us.

I recommend taking the time to first understand the church, its history, and positions, before “coming in to fix them”. Give some grace to the leadership, but be up front if you disagree. I don't think you will be saying anything the pastor hasn't already heard.

“How long is that guy gonna talk?”… The Preacher

This is the chapter that I almost didn’t write! It was only after the book was finished that my wife said “Did you forget something?” I guess I just took it for granted and forgot to talk about the role of the preacher. Maybe it slipped my mind because I am a preacher.

I was visiting a great church in Northern California and thought I would do some research. So I asked the man next to me, “Why do you come to this church?” His answer was interesting. He said, “I always feel better when I leave”. I'm not sure if he meant that he felt better because it was over or he felt better because of the inspiring time he just enjoyed.

How important is the pastor to you when shopping for a church? May I suggest a few things to consider with your family? Ask yourself, “do I enjoy the personality of the preacher?” You are going to be together some 50 weeks a year. Do you feel like you connect on an intellectual or emotional level?

Have you noticed that some of us prefer more inspirational messages, while others appreciate very academic teaching. In my church, the senior pastor considers it a sin to make the Bible boring. Thank goodness. And he is a fantastic preacher. Hmmm, didn't the Apostle Paul once put someone to sleep during his teaching? So maybe preaching isn’t everything.

There are some pastors I could listen to all day long. My list of favorite preachers include Greg Laurie of Harvest Christian Fellowship, Chuck Booher of Crossroads, John MacArthur of Grace Community, Bill Hybels of Willow Creek, Gene Apple of Eastside Christian, Ed Young of Fellowship Church, Rob Bell of

Mars Hill and Bob Russel of Southland Christian Church in Kentucky. What's the common denominator? Each preacher is biblical, well studied, humorous, and has found their God-given voice. And they each seem to preach from an overflow of personal study and time with God.

There's more than one ways to teach biblical truth. Jesus told stories and quoted There's more than one way to teach biblical truth. Jesus told stories and quoted Deuteronomy a lot. Are you stuck on a particular preaching approach? For instance, do you only want the preacher to go verse by verse sequentially through the Bible? Or are you okay with preaching a topic “verse with verse” or no verse at all?

Some of the questions that are helpful are… “Is this message relevant? Can I use the message this week? Do I find myself thinking back about the sermon during the week? Do I find myself telling others about the message I heard?”

Different preachers can use different stlyes yet each manage to keep the word of God exciting and alive. Consider for example what Pastor Andy Stanley of Northpoint Church in Atlanta does compared to his dad Pastor Charles Stanley. In his book Communicating for a Change, Andy Stanley says that his dad is a 5,6, and sometimes 12 point preacher, while I'm a 1 point preacher. Dr. Charles Stanley has a national audience through radio and television that absolutely loves his preaching, and I am one of them. Dr. Stanley can touch on dozens biblical truths in a single message. His son, who also preaches in the area, also has a large church, but uses an

entire message to deliver only one point. Wouldn't you agree that God is using both pastors to build people up? Of course!

When it comes to preaching, we all have personal preferences. Just like our preferences with music. I like to laugh. So a preacher who uses humor is going to be easy for me to listen to and accept. How about you? If the pastor uses humor are you going to be easily offended?

One question you may have to resolve is how much personal access you feel you need to the pastor? Is the pastor accessible by phone, appointment, or for a cup of coffee? The larger a church gets the less likely it will be that you can have instant access to “the” senior pastor. You may have to settle for “a” pastor, but not “the” pastor. Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Community Church talks about early members of the church who became the most flexible because over time they lost personal access to him. That is a reality in a vibrantly growing church.

I've written this book with the hope that you and your family will find a church that you really love. More than that, my real hope is that you will find a God who really loves you! If it has been helpful, please pass it on to someone else. Take a moment to let me know. Please e-mail me your story at

. I began by saying that I am one of those pastors who “works the door”. The reason I stand by the door is eloquently stated by Sam Shoemaker in his poem, I Stand by the Door. I hope you know how passionately I desire for you to find a church, but moreover find God Himself. God bless you.

doug@howtoshopforachurch.com

Conclusion

I stand by the door. I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out, The door is the most important door in the world- It is the door through which people walk when they find God. There's no use my going way inside, and staying there, When so many are still outside and they, as much as I, Crave to know where the door is. And all that so many ever find Is only the wall where a door ought to be. They creep along the wall like blind people, With outstretched, groping hands. Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door, Yet they never find it ... So I stand by the door. The most tremendous thing in the world Is for people to find that door--the door to God.

The most important thing any person can do Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands, And put it on the latch--the latch that only clicks And opens to the person's own touch. People die outside that door, as starving beggars die On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter— Die for want of what is within their grasp. They live, on the other side of it--live because they have not found it. Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it, And open it, and walk in, and find Him ... So I stand by the door. Go in, great saints, go all the way in-- Go way down into the cavernous cellars, And way up into the spacious attics-- It is a vast roomy house, this house where God is. Go into the deepest of hidden casements,

Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood. Some must inhabit those inner rooms. And know the depths and heights of God, And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is. Sometimes I take a deeper look in, Sometimes venture in a little farther; But my place seems closer to the opening ... So I stand by the door. There is another reason why I stand there. Some people get part way in and become afraid Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them For God is so very great, and asks all of us. And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia, And want to get out. "Let me out!" they cry, And the people way inside only terrify, them more. Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled For the old life, they have seen too much: Once taste God, and nothing but God will do any more. Somebody must be watching for the frightened Who seek to sneak out just where they came in, To tell them how much better it is inside. The people too far in do not see how near these are To leaving--preoccupied with the wonder of it all. Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door, But would like to run away. So for them, too, I stand by the door. I admire the people who go way in. But I wish they would not forget how it was Before they got in. Then they would be able to help

The people who have not, yet even found the door, Or the people who want to run away again from God, You can go in too deeply, and stay in too long, And forget the people outside the door. As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place, Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there, But not so far from people as not to hear them, And remember they are there, too. Where? Outside the door-- Thousands of them, millions of them. But--more important for me-- One of them, two of them, ten of them, Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch. So I shall stand by the door and wait For those who seek it. "I had rather be a door-keeper ..." So I stand by the door.

Sam Shoemaker, founder of Faith At Work at Calvary Episcopal Church in New York City, in 1926, was also one of the spiritual leaders who helped draft the 12 Steps of A.A.

I am a pastor serving at Crossroads Christian Church, in Corona California. More importantly than that, I am a husband, a father, a brother, and a son. My wife Maureen and I have been married for over 20 years. Maureen is everything and more than I could have imagined in a woman and partner in this life.

We were introduced by our youth pastor, Chuck Booher and his wife, Pam. We have four children. Kai is our oldest and a young man who is full of zeal, joy, and a heart of gold. Eden is our beautiful daughter who is friendly, social, and possesses an inner strength bordering on stubbornness. Keanu, whose name means 'cool breeze over the mountains' is just that – cool! He has a winsome spirit, great intellect, organized mind and disarming smile. Kaenan is our youngest. He loves to read. He is wise, funny, and gives honest hugs.

I hope this book helps lots of people and makes lots of money so I can fulfill Proverbs 13:22 “a good man leaves and inheritance for his children's children”.

I praise God for the many godly role models in my life over the years. This book is dedicated to each of them. First, to my friend Todd Collins who shared the love of God, the message of Jesus, and the example of a Christian since our days in elementary school. Because of his prayers and constant care, I gave my life to Jesus Christ in 1980 and began this incredible adventure! My pastor Chuck Booher continues to show me

A few words about me…

what a passionate commitment to Christ looks like. Tony Allmoslecher helped me realize that the church wasn't optional, but incredible! Barry McMurtrie taught me that people come to church for their reasons (a vast, wide array of reasons), and if we don't embarrass them, they'll actually come back. Dale Borgen demonstrated excellence in leadership and how to continually grow as a church leader. George McKinney is an elder at my church, who has the courage to confront me when I am wrong and the grace and patience to make me into a leader. My close friend Peter (though 10 years younger), he lives out an incredible life of godly wisdom. My brother Jim, who from the beginning demonstrated that whoever is forgiven much, the same loves much. My brother Brad who has been generous beyond measure. And finally, My mom and my dad, whom I love and respect and hope one day find Christ in a personal way and the church they really love!

My great prayer is that this book helps you,

for Jesus sake!

Doug