How to Love YourselfEdited by Arielle Consoli, Sara, Lily A, Ben Rubenstein and 100 others

We spend so much time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect, which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others. When you expect love from an external source, and someone or something does not fulfill your void and fantasies, then you will feel worse than before. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others. Understanding the effects of loving yourself will only enhance your ability to love others. By doing so, you are enabling positive energy and allowing for great situations to occur in your life. This guide will help. Never think that you're living your life for nothing. Everyday, there are people coming in and out of the world, so spend it wisely and respect yourself. Sometimes we feel as if our lives rely on that one person. We think 'If I do this, he/she will like me.' We tend to waste time avoiding those certain people, and regret it later. We miss them, yearn for their love, and even waste birthday wishes on them. In order to love someone, you must love yourself.

Steps

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1Treat others with love and respect. Bringing joy to other people's lives will help you find joy in your own. In addition, those that you treat well will likely repay you with the same kindness. Gradually, you will start to feel your worth through the smiles of gratitude. However, don't just be very kind to people so you can receive royal treatment.Ad

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2Create goodwill and thankfulness by practicing random deeds of kindness.Share your being with others in many ways. Share your knowledge in nice ways, or make a small donation to a needy person or an unfortunate child.

Share opportunities for your potential happiness by sharing goals and accomplishments with a special person or a group. Help a candidate or a political cause, or a community project. Help at a school or church.

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3Express yourself, perhaps in a diary, or through short stories. You may need to get feelings out, but not on your friends!

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4Learn to let go of past events. You deserve a fresh beginning! There are a lot of people out there that have had hard lives, bad beginnings/moments. Don't close yourself out of grief, disappointments, or fears of future ridicule. Acknowledge your feelings, but work to put them behind you. Cherish what you have learned from your challenges, and how you have changed and grown from them. Forgive those who have done you wrong. Most importantly, though, forgive yourself.

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5Forgive yourself. Don't punish yourself for something you have done in the past. Instead, look at the mistake as a learning experience. Say to yourself now: “I forgive myself for _______.” Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself. Look yourself right in the eyes and speak forgiveness like you mean it. Don't ever demean or ridicule yourself. If you do, laugh out loud, realizing that was then and this is now. Every day is a new beginning. If you did something you are not proud of, resolve to never do it again, and take steps to keep it out of your mind.

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6Put positive statements up some places where you will see them each and every day. "I am beautiful." or "I have the courage to love." Write notes that remind you of what you love most about yourself. Read them out loud, every day, at least once, ideally at least ten times each time you notice one of them. Sticky notes are fabulous for such affirmations and goals.

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7Sit in front of the mirror. Imagine in the mirror is someone putting you down. Then, practice calmly saying to her, "I do not care," with a smile. Practice it until you truly believe it. Do not allow some other person's image of perfect to manifest you. If you believe you are pretty, the person in the mirror will look pretty. If you focus on what others hate about you, that is all you will see.

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8Try to look past "material" objects and feelings: We all want a nice house, nice things, someone to share our life with, etc. Find your true wants objectively. Do you crave power, a religion, or simply a motive? Sometimes it's easier to hide the truth from yourself, but figuring out what you really want will help you know yourself better and hopefully aid in answering important questions you often ask yourself.

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9Keep a journal. Write about your experiences, good and bad. When you write down good experiences, allow yourself to feel those feelings. When you remember bad experiences, allow yourself to feel self-compassion. Compassion is not self-pity, but rather willingness to be present/accept with one's own pain and regret. Most people experienced chronic emotional invalidation growing up; adults shouldn't expect others to be validating, and need to learn how to validate themselves. Compassion allows us to be present with our pain so it can be acknowledged and let go.

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10Be persistent. Work as steadily as you can at loving and accepting yourself just as you are right now. A large part of love is accepting another "as is". This is no different for yourself— learn to love yourself "as is". Only after we've accepted ourselves, we might think about changing some less than desirable characteristics.

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11Start working toward how and what you want to do and be. Do so with a positive attitude, by working toward your higher purposes and greater appreciation of your problems, as motivating you're finding new and better opportunities. Be enthusiastic and cheerful (appropriately).

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12Don't define yourself by what you've done. Celebrate your accomplishments, but let go of the things you haven't done...yet? Remember that success is not a destination. Success is making progress (towards the desires of your heart). Accept yourself, and others will follow your lead. You are not your deeds, appearance, or bank balance.

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13Hug Yourself. Show yourself love through a hug by hugging the real you.

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14Be who you really are. Express yourself, laugh, play, or sing. Be crazy. Don't be afraid of what others think. They feel the same way and want to express themselves, but are afraid to show it, too.

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15Trust yourself. Don't just follow other people's suggestions blindly. Learn to trust who you really are.

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16Think of five positive words that describe you. Try not to use words like 'pretty' and 'nice'. Try variety.

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17Think about what you really want someone to be like in a relationship. Do those characteristics also apply to you?

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18Practice receiving love. To truly love is to be able to receive it. When someone loves you, does some kind deeds to you, says kind words, gives you gifts, or gives you compliments, embrace it. Allow yourself to feel the love that has come your way. Know that you are worthy of love. It is important to accept a gift of love by others. You give yourself a chance to learn more about yourself, and that you are lovable. You give someone a joy of giving by loving you. Another important way is to practice receiving

love by saying “I love you” to yourself. Let that love fill your heart. Receive that love that you give to yourself unconditionally.

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19Practice saying “no”. It is okay to say “no” to people when you do not feel like doing something. Do not feel guilty about it. Just realize that you have the right to do so. This is different from doing things out of love. If you do things out of love, and your heart wants to do them, that is a different story. When your heart does not want to do it, and

you feel like you have to please someone, and make others happy by over-extending yourself. Learning how to say “no” is an art. It takes practice. You might say “Thank you for asking. I am not ready to commit to doing anything right now.” You cannot please everyone. When you say “no”, remember to smile sincerely and say “no” gracefully.

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20Do what you love. Make yourself happy. What do you love to do? If you could find something that you love to do and spend time doing it, you will experience love, joy, and

happiness in your heart. That is when you truly connect with your authentic self. As a result, you become happier and more loving.

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21Treat yourself like you treat your very best friend. How do you treat your very best friend? Do you treat him/her with love, kindness, trust, appreciation, acceptance, and respect? If you can give that to your friend, why can't you give that to yourself? Practice treating yourself like you treat your very best friend, by saying kind words to yourself.

Stop calling yourself names. Stop beating yourself up. Give yourself compliments. Know your boundaries, and listen deeply to your needs. Always be kind and gentle with yourself.

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22Nurture yourself. Self care is very important. Set up some time to be by yourself, just by yourself. Do something that gives you peace, love, and joy with yourself. You can nurture yourself physically by exercising and consuming healthy food. You can nurture

yourself emotionally by listening to love songs, painting, or helping others in need. As you give yourself to others and offer help, you receive the gift of love back. You feel good about yourself because you live your life on purpose. You can nurture yourself mentally by reading your favorite books. You can nurture yourself spiritually by doing meditation.

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Stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone on this earth is unique. We all have different gifts. When you compare yourself to others, it makes you feel bad about yourself. When you compare yourself to others for what they have, whether it is a car, a house, a mate, children, money, or a job, it makes you feel low self esteem, lose your confidence, and perhaps depressed, envious or jealous. A way to stop comparing yourself to others is by focusing on your own strength. Get to know yourself, and discover what your greatest gift is that you are meant to share with the world. Another great way is by practicing gratitude. Be happy for what you have. Really be grateful about everything that you have; people in your life, job, relationships, material, etc. Gratitude keeps your heart open to love. No one is quite like you. Just be you. Be grateful for being the wonderful you. Do the best you can. Be the best you can and love yourself more. Then, you have more love to give to others.

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24Stop trying to be perfect. Stop criticizing yourself for being less than perfect. Always do your best, but not reaching perfection is not failure. Just follow all the steps above, and don't let anyone's expectations of you put any pressure on you. Remember that no matter what, you will always be perfect just the way you are, flaws and all.