How to Deal with Difficult-for-Me People - …...How to Deal with Difficult-for-Me People Webinar...

How to Deal with Difficult-for-Me People

Webinar Presented by: Wendy Leebov, Ed. D.

Partner, Language of Caring, LLC

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US! Here you’ll find:

• Webinar Slide Presentation Notes Pages

• Info about our Blended Learning Programs and Implementation Services that Produce Lasting Breakthroughs in HCAHPS & CG-CAHPS Scores

o Language of Caring for Staff o Language of Caring for Physicians

• Company Overview

• Link to sign up for HeartBeat - our tool-packed monthly e-newsletter and receive free toolkit gift – 51 QUICK Employee Engagement Activities to Transform Your Meetings and Huddles

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©2015 Language of Caring, LLC

HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT-FOR-ME PEOPLE

Wendy Leebov, Ed.D. Partner, Language of Caring

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WEBINAR LOGISTICS

• 60 minutes • Questions?

• Type into “Question” or “Chat” box on the control panel at the right of your screen (see orange arrow)

• Click “Send”

• Program is recorded – available online• Technical problems:

• Call GoToWebinar Tech Support at 805-617-7000• Press 1, then select the best option for assistance

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• We partner with healthcare organizations to achieve anunparalleled patient experience and a culture of caring through exceptional communication.

• We offer 2 breakthrough skill-building strategies that elevate HCAHPS and CG-CAHPS scores. o Language of Caring for Staff o Language of Caring for Physicians

www.languageofcaring.com


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NEXT WEBINAR http://languageofcaring.com/webinars/upcoming-webinars/

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Suddenly a Patient or Family Caregiver (Complimentary Registration) Presented by Trina Bogart, Dorothy Sisneros, Amy Steinbinder and Wendy Leebov

When doctors and patient experience professionals become patients or patients' support persons, they see health care experiences from the other side of the stethoscope. This proves both eye-opening and personally transforming. In this webinar, four people with a long history as patient experience champions talk about their experiences "on the other side.”

Tuesday, September 29, 2015 • 1:00 pm – 2:00 pm EDT


HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT-FOR-ME PEOPLE

Wendy Leebov, Ed.D. Partner, Language of Caring

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DIFFICULT PEOPLE?

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VERY CHALLENGING!

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©2015 Language of Caring, LLC 9

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I LEARNED FROM LINDA…

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DIFFICULT PEOPLE OR DIFFICULT-FOR-ME PEOPLE? • Are they inherently difficult?

We don’t know! • Is something about them

triggering us? Perhaps so! • Are we doing and saying

things in ways that make them act difficult?

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SEVEN WAYS WE MAKE PEOPLE DIFFICULT

1.  Communicate unrealistic expectations. 2.  Keep people waiting. 3.  Don’t anticipate. Be reactive. WAIT for a problem to

occur, a complaint to be voiced, a need to emerge. 4.  Allow systems problems to go on and on, affecting

person after person. 5.  Fail to connect to people personally or earn their trust

and confidence. 6.  Tell people what to do. Don’t ask permission. Give them

no choice or power.

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WE HAVE A CHOICE!

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FOUR STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH DIFFICULT SITUATIONS OR DIFFICULT-FOR-ME PEOPLE

1. Reframe “difficult people” 2.  Prevent frustration and desperation3.  Speak the Language of Caring4. When all else fails, use “Say it again with HEART”

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STRATEGY 1: REFRAME “DIFFICULT PEOPLE.”

• Adjust your mindset.• Change your self-talk.

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TFAR

Thoughts

Feelings

Behavior/Actions

Results

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REFRAME “DIFFICULT PEOPLE” ADJUST YOUR THOUGHTS. …AND IT WILL INFLUENCE YOUR BEHAVIOR AND RESULTS

“Cognitive Behavior Modification” (Meichenbaum)

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YOUR SELF-TALK CAN HELP OR HURT YOU!

From To

“Here she goes again—what a pain in the neck!”

“She must be nervous!”

“How dare he say this? It wasn’t MY fault!” “This isn’t about me.”

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REFRAME “DIFFICULT PEOPLE” ADJUST YOUR MINDSET. ADOPT AN OUTLOOK OF LOVINGKINDNESS.

• Give the person the benefit of the doubt. • Assume the person means you no harm. • If you feel frustrated or blaming,

shake it off. • Put yourself in the other person’s place.

Stop wishing the person were different!

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AND CONSIDER: WHAT PUSHES YOUR BUTTONS?

Entitled

Demanding

Nasty

Impatient

Accusing

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TRIGGERING: AN EXAMPLE

“It’s never enough… You’re never enough”

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YOU CAN RESIST GETTING TRIGGERED BY CHANGING WHAT YOU SAY TO YOURSELF.

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HELPFUL SELF-TALK

“It’s not about me!”

“I have a chance to make a difference

right now.”

“This person is anxious and upset. This might be very

hard for them.”

“Even when a person acts difficult, I can be

caring.”

Entitled

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HELPFUL SELF-TALK



right now.”

This person is anxious and upset.

This might be very hard for them.”


caring.”

Accusing

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HELPFUL SELF-TALK



right now.”


hard for them.”


caring.”

Stubborn

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HELPFUL SELF-TALK



right now.”


hard for them.”


caring.”

Demanding

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HOMEWORK FOR YOU: WHO PUSHES YOUR BUTTONS?

No So-So YES! PREPARE!

What can you say to yourself? Entitled

Demanding

Insulting

Impatient

Inconsiderate

Outrageous expectations Won’t take NO for an answer

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USE YOUR POWER IN THE MOMENT.

• Pause. • Breathe. • Ask yourself:

• “Are my thoughts helping me feel and show caring?” • If not, “What self-talk will help me feel more patient and

compassionate?”

Erase and replace.

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“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

Buddha

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STRATEGY 2: PREVENT FRUSTRATION AND DESPERATION.

• We KNOW: Some elements of the patient experience make person after person angry, anxious or frustrated!

• Proactively, make changes that prevent or reduce theseirritants.

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STEPS WE CAN TAKE TO PREVENT DIFFICULT INTERACTIONS

• Make process improvements • Anticipate and communicate before people feel the need

to complain• Adjust our expectations to realistic ones • Give options/power to people when they will otherwise

feel powerless

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CASE IN POINT: WAITING WAITING INFURIATES!

We know a lot about the psychology of waiting. • Anxiety makes waits seem longer. • Waits of uncertain length are harder to tolerate. • Waits feel longer when you don’t know reason. • People are less tolerant when the wait seems unfair. • Pre-process waits feel much longer than in-process waits. • Waiting alone feels longer than waiting in a group. • Occupied time feels shorter than unoccupied time. • If people think you feel bad about the wait, they will be less

angry.

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TWO “MUSTS”

• Hourly Comfort Rounds (the 4 P’s) • Potty • Pain• Position• Possessions

• “Before I go, is there something else I can do for you?”

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PROCESS IMPROVEMENTS ARE WIN-WIN!

• For patients and families • Fewer accidents • Less impatience• Less humiliation• Appreciation

• For caregivers • Reduces call-light use• Reduces falls • Reduces cleanups • Patients and families are less CHALLENGING

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USE LANGUAGE THAT PREVENTS DIFFICULT SITUATIONS.

“I want to help you!”

“I realize this can be so frustrating.”

“Thank you so much for your patience.”

“Thank you for taking the time to do this. I realize it’s a nuisance.”

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PREVENT!

• We KNOW what makes person after person anxious or frustrated!

• Proactively, make changes that prevent or reduce theseirritants.

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STRATEGY 3: SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF CARING®

• Key to preventing people from becoming difficult

• Key to easing anxiety and defusing difficult situations

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QUICK EXPERIMENT: PICTURE IT.

How would you greet a patient if you want them to think you are arrogant — really full of yourself?

Impact on: • Their thoughts?• Their feelings?• Their behavior?

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PICTURE IT.

How would you greet a patient if you want them to think you are distracted or bothered?

Impact on: • Their thoughts?• Their feelings?• Their behavior?

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PICTURE IT.

How would you greet a patient if you want them to feel like the most important person in your world at that moment?

Impact on: • Their thoughts • Their feelings • Their behavior?

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FACT

• Your behavior affects how the other person feels, thinks and acts.

• You have the power to make people difficult or not difficult.

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WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE ACT DIFFICULT? USE THESE WORDS!

• “Dear, honey, sweetheart” • “You can’t….” • “Hold your horses.” • “You’re not my only patient.” • “You must be mistaken.”• “You’ll have to....” • “I’m sorry. We’re short-staffed.”• “It wasn’t my fault.”• “That’s never happened before.” • “That doesn’t sound likely

(or possible).”• “You’ll have to be more patient.”

• “That’s not my department.”• “That’s against our policy;

there’s nothing I can do.” • “Are you sure about this?” • “That’s hard to imagine!”• “I’ll try…”

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CONSIDER THESE FACTS

• When dealing in a non-stressful interaction with people: • 50% is emotion• 50% is logic/business

• In a stressful interaction: • 90% is emotion• 10% is logic/business

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TWO KINDS OF COMMUNICATION

Heart

Emotion, Caring, Empathy

Head

Tasks, Information, Analysis, Explaining, Fixing, Plans

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BOTH AND HAVE BENEFITS!

When we speak from the HEART: • Patients, families and coworkers feel important,

cared for, and understood • They can hear the HEAD part much better

When we speak from the HEAD: • The people we serve get valuable information• They appreciate answers and solutions

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Best Practice

HEART-HEAD-HEART 46


Usually, when we feel pressured, threatened

or defensive, communication stops.

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HOSTILITY CURVE ….WHEN YOU ARE DEFENSIVE

Patient Anger

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HOSTILITY CURVE…WHEN YOU LISTEN, SHOW EMPATHY AND ARE NOT DEFENSIVE

Patient Anger

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THE LANGUAGE OF CARING: HEART SKILLS WITH THE POWER TO DEFUSE DIFFICULT INTERACTIONS

① The practice of presence② Acknowledging feelings ③ Showing caring nonverbally ④ Explaining positive intent ⑤ The blameless apology ⑥ The gift of appreciation⑦ Say it again with HEART!

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SKILL: THE PRACTICE OF PRESENCE

• Quiet your racing mind. • Focus your whole self on the other person.

Give your undivided, respectful attention. • Open your heart. Tune in.

Listen to the person’s thoughts and feelings. • Don’t think about what you’re going to do next.

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INDICATORS THAT YOU ARE NOT PRESENT INFURIATE!

• Silence or non-responsiveness • Turning your back without apologizing and explaining• Walking away with no explanation or goodbye• Acting tired, bored or distracted• Looking at your watch• Muttering• Interrupting• Texting while the other person is talking

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SARA’S STORY

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SKILL: ACKNOWLEDGING FEELINGS

• “You sound upset.” • “You look frustrated.”

People feel understood. They calm down and become more rational.

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ACKNOWLEDGING FEELINGS: DON’T MAKE MATTERS WORSE!

• “You feel _________.” • “You are _________.”

“Don’t tell ME what I feel!”

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SKILL: SHOWING CARING NONVERBALLY

Our nonverbal behaviors and tone can make people more or less difficult.

Listen to the difference: • “I’ll be with you in a minute.” • “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

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SKILL: EXPLAINING POSITIVE INTENT

Patients feel: • Mystery • Fright • Anxiety • Out of control; powerless

“What’s happening?” “Why are they doing this to me?”

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“How dare you wake me out of a sound sleep to take my vitals?!?”

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EXPLAINING POSITIVE INTENT

• You make clear that your intentions are in the best interest of the patient. You’re on their side.

• If the patient doesn’t want what you want, they can say so, regaining power.

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SKILL: THE BLAMELESS APOLOGY

• Show that you feel bad that the person is somehow suffering – without placing blame or blaming others.

• Magic Words: “I’m sorry.” • Spoken with sincere regret!

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BLAMING VS. BLAMELESS APOLOGIES

Apologies that infuriate: • “Sorry, but it wasn’t my fault.” • “I’m really sorry. It’s a zoo here today.” • “I’m sorry you had to wait. We’re really short-staffed.”

Apologies that soothe: • “I’m sorry this wasn’t what you were expecting.” • “I’m so sorry you were inconvenienced.”

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WHEN APOLOGIZING….

Don’t Do Blame others – “Those guys on 3rd shift

never get it right.“

Make everyone look good. Build confidence in whole team. – “They do a great job. I’m sure there must be some good

reason for this.”

Fuel people’s distrust. – “I’m sorry.

We’re short-staffed.”

Demonstrate can-do approach. – “Let me find someone who can help.” – “My colleague is busy with other patients right now.

I’ll be glad to help you?”

Stop at the apology. Figure out options. Leap into action.

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SKILL: THE GIFT OF APPRECIATION

• Thanks • Appreciation• A compliment • Admiration

…..when the person least expects it!

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PATIENT’S DAUGHTER IS HOUNDING YOU FOR HER FATHER’S TEST RESULTS.

“You know, your father is blessed to have you

advocating for him and caring so much. I’ll be SURE to call

you right away when his results are in.

I already SAID I would let you know

the minute I get the results!

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THE LANGUAGE OF CARING: HEART SKILLS WITH THE POWER TO DEFUSE DIFFICULT INTERACTIONS

① The practice of presence② Acknowledging feelings ③ Showing caring nonverbally ④ Explaining positive intent ⑤ The blameless apology ⑥ The gift of appreciation⑦ Say it again with HEART!

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THE LANGUAGE OF CARING DEFUSES DIFFICULT SITUATIONS

Turn up the warmth, and you’ll turn down the heat.

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STRATEGY 4: WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, USE THE SKILL: SAY IT AGAIN WITH HEART!

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SAY IT AGAIN WITH HEART.

• Decide on your bottom line—your mainmessage.

• Say it directly—with HEART. • Keep repeating it in a kind, calm way. • If the person keeps pushing or says, “Yes,

but…,” don’t address (or get hooked by) each comeback. Use FOGGING.

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FOGGING: HOW TO AVOID GETTING HOOKED • Don’t disagree or agree. • Say something to defuse the situation.

• “That may be.”• “I hear you.”• “Perhaps so.”• “You could be right.”

• Then, go back to saying your main message again withHEART.

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EXAMPLE: A COWORKER TREATS YOU WITH DISRESPECT

You say…

“I know you care and I want to support you. When you say negative things to me in front of the team, I feel disrespected. It makes it hard for me to support you.”

Make your point with lots of HEART.

S/he says…

“Oh come on! Can’t you take a joke? Anyway, I was just speaking the truth! And you shouldn’t be so thin-skinned!”

Excuses, resistance

You say…

“You might find it funny. I just want to say again that I want to work together well. And when I feel disrespect from you, it’s hard for me to support you.”

Make your point again with HEART

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EXAMPLE: ANGRY, IMPATIENT PATIENT

You say…

“I realize you’re very anxious to get your results. And I want to ease your mind. I’ll make sure you have them the minute they’re available.

Make your point with lots of HEART.

S/he says…

“This is ridiculous. My friend got her results much faster.”

Person persists, remains angry

You say…

“That may be. I want to ease your mind as soon as possible. The best I can do here is get your results to you in two days. That’s when they’ll be ready. I’m so sorry it’s so hard to wait.”

Fogging Main point again with HEART

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TEST YOURSELF!

Can you keep your composure NO MATTER WHAT the other person is saying?

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FOUR STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH DIFFICULT SITUATIONS OR DIFFICULT-FOR-ME PEOPLE

1. Reframe “difficult people” 2.  Prevent frustration and desperation3.  Speak the Language of Caring4. When all else fails, use “Say it again with HEART”

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WHAT IF NOTHING WORKS?

• Consider involving a third person to help. • In your mind, reframe:

• “I took the high road! I tried!” • Forgive yourself. • Try again next time. You never know!

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ARE YOU A LEADER? A CHANGE AGENT?

Help your team become more effective with difficult-for-me people — at work and beyond • Wipe out the language “difficult people.” • Be a role model. • Provide coaching and practice.• Hold “Strength and Composure Training” on Say It Again

with HEART in the face of resistance and persistence.

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“Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.” Samuel Johnson

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THE WISE WOMAN AND THE STONE

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Questions/Comments? [email protected]

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We partner with healthcare organizations to help them achieve an unparalleled patient experience and a culture of caring through

exceptional communication.


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FOR BREAKTHROUGHS IN THE PATIENT EXPERIENCE

• Language of Caring for Staff • Language of Caring for Physicians

• Free video previews at www.languageofcaring.com

• For information? Contact:

Jill Golde, Partner 314-571-9607; [email protected]

Dorothy Sisneros, Partner 602-615-1192; [email protected]

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Wendy Leebov, Ed.D. [email protected]

215-413-1969

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languageofcaring.com

Phased Learning: Ten ModulesDeveloped by Wendy Leebov, Ed.D., best-selling author and patient experience expert1. Introducing The Language of Caring2. Heart-Head-Heart Communication3. The Practice of Presence4. Acknowledging Feelings5. Showing Caring Nonverbally6. Explaining Positive Intent7. The Blameless Apology8. The Gift of Appreciation9. Say It Again with HEART10. The Language of Caring: From Good to GREAT

Features z Managers lead! z One skill at a time z Short team sessions – under 30 minutes z Compelling videos shot on location at Banner Health z Built-in feedback and habit-building z CEU-ready z Web access to all resources on the Language of

Caring Client Portal

Help everyone in your organization speak the Language of Caring, so patients, families and coworkers feel their caring and become more trusting, less anxious, and engaged.

The Results: An energized, gratified workforce, a stellar patient experience, improved safety, higher CAHPS scores, and better outcomes

Typical Implementation Process

Groundwork and Customization

Leadership Kickoff

Facilitator Training

Employee Jumpstart Workshops

Learning Modules and Habit-Building in Work Teams

Language of Caring for Staff®

the skill-building solution that drives the patient and family experience to a breakthrough level

Achieving an unparalleled patient experience and a culture of caring through exceptional communication!



Spoken from the Heart“We’re seeing that our associates are engaging patients. They’re thinking about what they’re doing and saying. They’re practicing the skills over and over. Our scores? We’ve seen steady

incremental improvement month after month since we started the Language of Caring.”Rob Gould, CEO Banner Desert Medical Center; Mesa, AZ

“Language of Caring is a game-changer. The Language of Caring has helped PeaceHealth ensure that our organizational vision — ‘Every person receives safe, compassionate care;

every time, every touch’ — is an intention and a reality.”Mary Lockhart, PhD, System Program Manager for Patient Experience PeaceHealth

Connect with us!Jill Golde, Partner314-571-9607 [email protected]

Dorothy Sisneros, Partner602-615-1192 [email protected]

Watch the introductory video and learn more by visiting: http://languageofcaring.com/programs/language-of-caring-for-staff/

The Language of Caring for Staff®

z Creates alignment by developing a common language and skill set for caring communication

z Mobilizes employees as engaged contributors who together create a community of caring

z Makes other initiatives, like rounding, pain management and reducing readmissions, more effective

z Encourages empathic communication, engagement and partnership—the keys to patient and family-centered care

z Leads to improved safety, better outcomes and higher CAHPS scores

Among Language of Caring Clients

Hospitals and Health Systems z Banner Health – multiple states z Fox Chase Cancer Center, PA z Humility of Mary Health Partners, OH z Johns Hopkins Medicine; MD z MD Anderson Cancer Center, TX z Memorial Hermann Health System, TX z Providence Health and Services – multiple states z St. Joseph Regional Medical Center, ID z St. Mary’s Hospital and Regional Medical Center, CO z WellSpan Health, PA

Medical Groups z Harvard University Health Services z Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Care Network z New England Quality Care Alliance z Mount Auburn Cambridge Independent Providers

Association z PeaceHealth St. John Medical Center Physicians z Safety Net Institute - 15 Clinics, CA



Phased Learning: Eight ModulesDeveloped by Wendy Leebov, EdD and Carla Rotering, MD; grounded in evidence-based best practices1. The Communication Solution2. Mindful Practice3. Collaboration and Teamwork4. Effective Openings and Closings5. Engaging Patients and Families as Partners6. Communicating with Empathy7. Effective Explanations8. Hard Conversations

Groundbreaking Physician Engagement and Development Program

z Strengthens communication competencies essential to effective care and physician satisfaction

z Blended learning joins the best aspects of face-to-face with video and web-based tools

z Language of Caring coaches help you tailor the optimal implementation plan

z Eight compelling videos filmed with staff at MD Anderson Cancer Center

Language of Caring for PhysiCians®

empower physicians to deliver on the promise of patient-centered care


Realities1. Anxious, vulnerable patients and families2. Penalties for static CAHPS scores3. Consumer scrutiny and the social media grapevine4. Fierce competition5. Preventable malpractice claims6. Job stress and time pressure

Strengthen physician communication and everyone benefits.

Improved Outcomes

Higher Scores

Coworker Support

Patient Respect and Loyalty

More Fulfilling Work

Higher Earnings

Personal Growth

Improved patient and family experience



Spoken from the Heart

“The Language of Caring has already helped me improve my ability to convey empathy in my conversations with patients, clinicians and hospital staff. It would have been nice to have

this course 20 years ago when I was in residency”Douglas Cutler, MD Medical Director, Care Coordination Banner Thunderbird Medical Center

“The Language of Caring is like having my own personal guide teaching me the ‘art’ of medicine. My patients and even their family members are thanking me for the care and attention I have

provided them even though the amount of time I spend with them hasn’t changed. This should be made a mandatory course in every medical school curriculum.”Dr. Thomas Corson Emergency Physician, Banner McKee Medical Center

Connect with us!Jill Golde, Partner314-571-9607 | [email protected]

Dorothy Sisneros, Partner602-615-1192 | [email protected]

The Language of Caring for Physicians®

z Engages physicians as partners in providing the remarkable patient and family experience

z Improves team communication and collaboration z Improves CAHPS scores, clinical outcomes, patient

loyalty, and pay-for-performance z Promotes physician satisfaction and fulfillment z Respects physicians’ significant time constraints z CEU-ready

Watch the introductory video and learn more by visiting:http://languageofcaring.com/programs/language-of-caring-for-physicians/

Comprehensive Resources

Among Language of Caring Clients z MD Anderson Cancer Center (TX) z St. Rita’s Medical Center (OH) z Truman Medical Centers (MO) z Providence Regional Medical Center Everett (WA) z WellSpan Health (PA) z St. James Healthcare z Banner Health (AZ, CO, WY, AK) z Cardon Children’s Hospital (AZ) z PeaceHealth (WA, OR, AK) z Valley Health (VA)



Who is Language of Caring? Language of Caring is a healthcare consulting firm owned by partners Wendy Leebov, Jill Golde and Dorothy Sisneros. This powerhouse trio shares a passion for reshaping healthcare organizations to become communities of caring that ensure an exceptional patient, family and team experience. We’ve served as healthcare leaders, organization development professionals, instructional designers, strategists, and coaches. And, we’ve enlisted and certified a talented, committed team of physician and nurse leaders, trainers and team-builders who serve our clients as coaches, strategy partners and facilitators.

What We DoWe effectively engage physicians, nurses, and everyone on the healthcare team in mastering and using Language of Caring’s concrete communication skill set to achieve:

z Patient engagement and patient and family-centered care z Exemplary CAHPS scores and a reputation as provider of choice z Optimal reimbursement under Value-Based Purchasing z Greater alignment, inspiration, collaboration and engagement among the

entire healthcare team z And improved patient outcomes

We develop healthcare teams who speak the Language of Caring and deal effectively not only with patients’ medical needs, but also with their anxieties, fears, and concerns. We help organizations breathe new life into existing strategies and move performance to a breakthrough level.

Company overview: Language of Caring, LLC


“It has been an absolute pleasure to work with the Language of Caring team in two different healthcare

systems to create a differentiating culture of compassion. The training content is fabulous … simple to understand and extremely effective with patients and coworkers…. The Language of Caring team exemplifies service excellence by partnering with us to address our unique needs…. They have provided inspirational training and assistance as we work to create unsurpassed customer/employee-centered service.”Tracy Tannenbaum VP, Service Excellence

We engage hearts and minds, and the results are palpable.




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