Neca C. Smith, AidevO People ConsultingNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting

Hot ThoughtsHot Thoughts

Irrational and unrealistic thoughts that Irrational and unrealistic thoughts that have led to anger in the past.have led to anger in the past. DemandingnessDemandingness AwfulizingAwfulizing CondemningCondemning Low Frustration ToleranceLow Frustration Tolerance

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

DemandingnessDemandingness

The notion that every thing should and The notion that every thing should and must go a certain way. Look for words like must go a certain way. Look for words like should, must, need to, ought, etc.should, must, need to, ought, etc.

““I shouldn’t have to deal with these I shouldn’t have to deal with these headaches”headaches”

““Traffic shouldn’t be so heavy at this hour.”Traffic shouldn’t be so heavy at this hour.” ““That should not be that hard!”That should not be that hard!”

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

Countering DemandingnessCountering Demandingness

Identifying what are needs and what are Identifying what are needs and what are wants.wants.

Realizing your preferences counters Realizing your preferences counters demandingnessdemandingness

Learn to accept others and situations as Learn to accept others and situations as they are not as we’d like them to be.they are not as we’d like them to be.

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

AwfulizingAwfulizing

Thinking in extreme negative terms. (Making Thinking in extreme negative terms. (Making mountains out of molehills.) Looks for words like mountains out of molehills.) Looks for words like terrible, horrible and awful. Words like always terrible, horrible and awful. Words like always and never are a cue as well.and never are a cue as well.

““I can’t believe their gossiping again!”I can’t believe their gossiping again!” ““It’s terrible that I got passed over for that promotion.”It’s terrible that I got passed over for that promotion.” ““The copy machine is always broken, I’ll never get my The copy machine is always broken, I’ll never get my

work done.”work done.”

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

Countering AwfulizingCountering Awfulizing

Learn to think in moderate termsLearn to think in moderate terms

Avoid extreme thinking (either positive or Avoid extreme thinking (either positive or negative).negative).

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

CondemningCondemning

The thought of putting yourself or others The thought of putting yourself or others down.down.

““He flew off the handle again, he’s hopeless.”He flew off the handle again, he’s hopeless.” ““Every time I try, I fail.”Every time I try, I fail.” ““My coworker is stupid!”My coworker is stupid!”

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

Countering CondemningCountering Condemning

Rate the behavior not the person.Rate the behavior not the person.

Learn to accept others and yourself.Learn to accept others and yourself.

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

Low Frustration ToleranceLow Frustration Tolerance

Hot thoughts caused by catastrophizing Hot thoughts caused by catastrophizing about being frustrated and demanding that about being frustrated and demanding that it not happen.it not happen.

““I cannot stand it when I have to wait in line.”I cannot stand it when I have to wait in line.” ““I’m going to snap if I don’t get a raise this I’m going to snap if I don’t get a raise this

year!”year!” ““If I have to go to one more training I’m going If I have to go to one more training I’m going

to scream!” to scream!”

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

Increasing Frustration Increasing Frustration ToleranceTolerance

Accepting the reality of frustration and Accepting the reality of frustration and keeping its “badness” in perspective. keeping its “badness” in perspective.

Expect to experience appropriate negative Expect to experience appropriate negative emotions like annoyance and emotions like annoyance and disappointment. But avoid exaggerating disappointment. But avoid exaggerating these emotions (by telling yourself you these emotions (by telling yourself you can’t stand them). can’t stand them).

Neca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLCNeca C. Smith, AidevO People Consulting, LLC

DEMANDINGNESSDEMANDINGNESSUnreasonable expectationsLook for the words: should ought, have to, need to and mustRealize what is a preference and what is a demandAccept others

CONDEMNINGCONDEMNINGAvoid judging othersJudge the action, NOT the person

AWFULIZINGGross exaggerations about reality

Look for words: awful, terrible, horrible

Avoid extreme thinking

Think in moderate terms

LFTUnrealistic expectations

Expect to experience appropriate negative emotions

Compare your life to others who are truly suffering