History of Adolescence & Oppositional Defiance The No No’s ... No No's of... · How to Handle the...
Transcript of History of Adolescence & Oppositional Defiance The No No’s ... No No's of... · How to Handle the...
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
[email protected]@totallifecounseling.com 1
The No No’s of Oppositional The No No’s of Oppositional Defiance DisorderDefiance Disorder
James L. West, MA, LMHC, NCCJames L. West, MA, LMHC, NCCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAPEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
History of Adolescence & Oppositional History of Adolescence & Oppositional DefianceDefiance
When did Adolescence begin in history?When did Adolescence begin in history? Before the Industrial Revolution when did Before the Industrial Revolution when did
people get married?people get married? Biologically when are we considered Biologically when are we considered
adults?adults? When do we developmentally assert our When do we developmentally assert our
independence?independence? Are there some kids with stronger Are there some kids with stronger
personalities?personalities? Should there be a change from the old Should there be a change from the old
school of parenting when a child school of parenting when a child biologically becomes an adult?biologically becomes an adult?
What approach did your parents use to raise you?What approach did your parents use to raise you?
Was it the Old School?Was it the Old School? Authoritarian approachAuthoritarian approach
“Do it because I told you or else”“Do it because I told you or else”--Dads don’t want to Dads don’t want to negotiate.negotiate.
If you grew up in the 60’s or before the parents in the If you grew up in the 60’s or before the parents in the neighborhood probably used this approach.neighborhood probably used this approach. This approach also worked well because most other parents used This approach also worked well because most other parents used
the same approach.the same approach. Today Parent Peer Pressure contributes to opposition.Today Parent Peer Pressure contributes to opposition.
DemocraticDemocratic “Let’s discuss, vote and then decide”“Let’s discuss, vote and then decide”
Inconsistent structure and changing boundariesInconsistent structure and changing boundaries “Mom last time you let Johnny go after he had his chores “Mom last time you let Johnny go after he had his chores
done.” “Well I had a bad day so the answer is No.”done.” “Well I had a bad day so the answer is No.” PassivePassive--Poor structure or clear boundariesPoor structure or clear boundaries
“Sure whatever just lock up whenever you get home.”“Sure whatever just lock up whenever you get home.”
Symptoms of ODDSymptoms of ODD
A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the during which four (or more) of the following are present: often loses temper following are present: often loses temper
often argues with adults often argues with adults often actively defies or refuses to comply often actively defies or refuses to comply
with adults' requests or rules with adults' requests or rules often deliberately annoys people often deliberately annoys people
Symptoms of ODDSymptoms of ODD
often blames others for his or her often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior mistakes or misbehavior
is often touchy or easily annoyed by is often touchy or easily annoyed by others others
is often angry and resentful is often angry and resentful is often spiteful or vindictive is often spiteful or vindictive NoteNote: Consider a criterion met only if the behavior occurs : Consider a criterion met only if the behavior occurs
more frequently than is typically observed in individuals more frequently than is typically observed in individuals of comparable age and developmental level. of comparable age and developmental level.
Symptoms of ODDSymptoms of ODD
The disturbance in behavior causes The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning. academic, or occupational functioning.
The behaviors do not occur exclusively The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of a during the course of a PsychoticPsychotic or Mood or Mood Disorder (such as Disorder (such as depressiondepression). ).
Criteria are not met for Criteria are not met for Conduct DisorderConduct Disorder, , and, if the individual is age 18 years or and, if the individual is age 18 years or older, criteria are not met for older, criteria are not met for Antisocial Antisocial Personality DisorderPersonality Disorder. .
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
[email protected]@totallifecounseling.com 2
Adolescent GirlsAdolescent Girls Act out to get back at parentsAct out to get back at parents
“I’ll show you.”“I’ll show you.” Try to embarrass parents amongst friends or Try to embarrass parents amongst friends or
their community to the child’s own demise.their community to the child’s own demise. Teen does not think it throughTeen does not think it through
Societal Norms can encourage Societal Norms can encourage Oppositional behaviorOppositional behavior
Parents may want to keep their child like a Parents may want to keep their child like a little girl.little girl. While boys are encouraged to grow up.While boys are encouraged to grow up.
Adolescent GirlsAdolescent Girls Not diagnosed as much in girls as boys Not diagnosed as much in girls as boys
before puberty.before puberty. During Puberty parents may not get help During Puberty parents may not get help
because they think it’s just hormonal because they think it’s just hormonal Boys act out more aggressively at home & Boys act out more aggressively at home &
schoolschool Girls are more covert and calculated and Girls are more covert and calculated and
ODD is seen more at homeODD is seen more at home Act out due to fear of social isolation or Act out due to fear of social isolation or
loss of statusloss of status
Adolescent GirlsAdolescent Girls Play emotional king of the Play emotional king of the
mountainmountain Facial ExpressionsFacial Expressions Spiteful and unforgivingSpiteful and unforgiving Spreading RumorsSpreading Rumors
Say extremely mean and hateful Say extremely mean and hateful things when upset.things when upset.
May not do as well in school May not do as well in school because they want to be cool.because they want to be cool.
Oppositional No No’sOppositional No No’s DirectivesDirectives
You will . . . You will . . . Put that away right nowPut that away right now Take a Time OutTake a Time Out What are some others?What are some others?
TriggersTriggers If you do or say that again . . If you do or say that again . . Don’t you everDon’t you ever No you can notNo you can not Don’t talk to me like thatDon’t talk to me like that What are some others?What are some others?
Oppositional No No’sOppositional No No’s Too much focus on Minor BehaviorsToo much focus on Minor Behaviors
Feeds negative attention seeking behaviorsFeeds negative attention seeking behaviors
Making One on One time conditionalMaking One on One time conditional Communicates conditional loveCommunicates conditional love “the quantity of quality time father’s spend with “the quantity of quality time father’s spend with
sons correlates with the amount of college they sons correlates with the amount of college they complete and legal issues” (Chapman, 5 complete and legal issues” (Chapman, 5 Languages of Love).Languages of Love).
Lack of Supervision or GuidanceLack of Supervision or Guidance Yelling or verbal escalation after multiple Yelling or verbal escalation after multiple
requests to do chores or homework..requests to do chores or homework..
O ppo s i t io n a l N o N o ’sOppositional No No’s
Backhanded complimentsBackhanded compliments--It’s about time you It’s about time you cleaned your room.cleaned your room. Acknowledge what they do frequently without Acknowledge what they do frequently without
sarcasm.sarcasm.
Presenting a command as a favor or questionPresenting a command as a favor or question Give choices when possibleGive choices when possible
Do you want to do it now or after supper?Do you want to do it now or after supper?
Giving too many commands at onceGiving too many commands at once Harsh DisciplineHarsh Discipline
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
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Oppositional No No’sOppositional No No’s Escalate consequences when temporarily Escalate consequences when temporarily
insaneinsane You have a week!! Want to go for two?!You have a week!! Want to go for two?! If you overdo the consequence there’s a way to If you overdo the consequence there’s a way to
get out of it.get out of it. Give student a choice to do some chores for the Give student a choice to do some chores for the
parent to earn back trust and get off restriction early.parent to earn back trust and get off restriction early.
Using long term consequences liberally.Using long term consequences liberally. Reserve long term consequences for serious Reserve long term consequences for serious
issues.issues.
Inconsistent RulesInconsistent Rules Giving up on requests because of resistanceGiving up on requests because of resistance
What O.D.D. can lead too . . . What O.D.D. can lead too . . .
Natural Progression of O.D.D.Natural Progression of O.D.D. Defiance with parentsDefiance with parents Defiance with teachersDefiance with teachers
Flunk the class to spite the teacherFlunk the class to spite the teacher Curse, threaten or yell at the teacherCurse, threaten or yell at the teacher
Defiance with the principalDefiance with the principal Curse, yell or threaten the principalCurse, yell or threaten the principal
Defiance with the lawDefiance with the law May start stealing to get their wayMay start stealing to get their way Sneak out of the house Sneak out of the house They get caught breaking the law & the parents ask They get caught breaking the law & the parents ask
for help.for help. Ultimately can lead to a Conduct DisorderUltimately can lead to a Conduct Disorder
Resources AvailableResources Available ADHD HandbookADHD Handbook, Power Point & DVD Resources, Power Point & DVD Resources Building Positive Peer PressureBuilding Positive Peer Pressure Handbook, Handbook,
Power Point & DVDPower Point & DVD Social Skills GroupSocial Skills Group (is the Building Positive Peer (is the Building Positive Peer
Pressure Workbook) for Students and ParentsPressure Workbook) for Students and Parents Team building gamesTeam building games also in the Building also in the Building
Positive Peer Pressure WorkbookPositive Peer Pressure Workbook DVDs of this seminar and ADHD Seminar yesterday DVDs of this seminar and ADHD Seminar yesterday
are availableare available Check off if you are interested in an inCheck off if you are interested in an in--service or service or
retreat and be sure to give us your name and the retreat and be sure to give us your name and the contact person to coordinate the scheduling.contact person to coordinate the scheduling.
If you would like updates on services, camps and If you would like updates on services, camps and ADHD breakthroughs please complete the inADHD breakthroughs please complete the in--service form.service form.
The No No’s of Oppositional The No No’s of Oppositional Defiance DisorderDefiance Disorder--Interventions Part 2Interventions Part 2
James L. West, MA, LMHC, NCCJames L. West, MA, LMHC, NCCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAPEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
How to Handle the Oppositional ChildHow to Handle the Oppositional Child
Heavily Praise High Compliance Commands InitiallyHeavily Praise High Compliance Commands Initially Ask Child to tell you what they need to doAsk Child to tell you what they need to do
Must have rules, rewards and consequences outlined with time Must have rules, rewards and consequences outlined with time limitations.limitations.
Go to Child, Touch, & Use Eye ContactGo to Child, Touch, & Use Eye Contact Child Recites RequestChild Recites Request
Praise when they recite as if they already completed task.Praise when they recite as if they already completed task. Make Complex Tasks Simpler OnesMake Complex Tasks Simpler Ones Make Chore Cards for MultiMake Chore Cards for Multi--Step TasksStep Tasks
List all steps involved in task on 3x5 cardList all steps involved in task on 3x5 card Stipulate a time period on the right corner of the card & set an Stipulate a time period on the right corner of the card & set an
external timerexternal timer In top left corner, put the amount of points for completionIn top left corner, put the amount of points for completion
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
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Making Commands EffectiveMaking Commands Effective
Reduce Time Delays for ConsequencesReduce Time Delays for Consequences Use Timers at Points of PerformanceUse Timers at Points of Performance Praise the Initiation of CompliancePraise the Initiation of Compliance Praise throughout the TaskPraise throughout the Task Child Evaluates or Self Scores Performance at EndChild Evaluates or Self Scores Performance at End Create a Grab Bag of SurpriseCreate a Grab Bag of Surprise
Wrap each individual item.Wrap each individual item. Wrap up IOU’sWrap up IOU’s--I owe you chutes & laddersI owe you chutes & ladders This is for every 3This is for every 3rdrd command they obey, but make it command they obey, but make it
variable.variable.
Oppositional InterventionsOppositional Interventions
The central focus of therapy with The central focus of therapy with oppositional defiant disorder is usually oppositional defiant disorder is usually behavioral, implemented through parent behavioral, implemented through parent training. training.
The parent training can often be done in The parent training can often be done in a group setting (to help reduce costs a group setting (to help reduce costs and increase social support) and is often and increase social support) and is often as or more effective as family therapy, as or more effective as family therapy, conducted with the parents and child. conducted with the parents and child.
Oppositional InterventionsOppositional Interventions
Gradual shaping of the child's behavior toward Gradual shaping of the child's behavior toward more agemore age--appropriate behaviors is appropriate behaviors is accomplished through the implementation of accomplished through the implementation of a behavioral monitoring and reward program. a behavioral monitoring and reward program.
MedicationsMedications Very little research has been conducted in the Very little research has been conducted in the
use of medications for oppositional defiant use of medications for oppositional defiant disorder. Therefore, medication is not disorder. Therefore, medication is not recommended as a treatment option for this recommended as a treatment option for this problemproblem
Oppositional InterventionsOppositional Interventions
Lead the child to the solutionLead the child to the solution Use questions to answer questionsUse questions to answer questions
Child: “Can I have more time on the computer?Child: “Can I have more time on the computer? Parent: “What time is it?”Parent: “What time is it?” Child: “9 o’clock”Child: “9 o’clock” Parent: “What time is computer time over?”Parent: “What time is computer time over?” Child: “9 o’clock”Child: “9 o’clock” Parent: “Great! You have a great memory!”Parent: “Great! You have a great memory!”
Use questions and get them to say no.Use questions and get them to say no. You must have clear boundaries and rules for this to You must have clear boundaries and rules for this to
work.work. Praise child once they give the proper answer as if they Praise child once they give the proper answer as if they
have already complied.have already complied.
Great Rules for Token SystemsGreat Rules for Token Systems
Use physical tokens for children <7 yrsUse physical tokens for children <7 yrs List as many rewards as possible (15+)List as many rewards as possible (15+)
½ or more must be available daily½ or more must be available daily Add bonus points for attitudeAdd bonus points for attitude
Make a list of daily/weekly jobsMake a list of daily/weekly jobs Target social behaviorTarget social behavior
SharingSharing CooperatingCooperating Getting along with siblingGetting along with sibling
Assign point values based on:Assign point values based on: Effort required in the taskEffort required in the task Amount of prior resistance to doing it.Amount of prior resistance to doing it.
Use bigger values for older kidsUse bigger values for older kids
Great Rules for Token SystemsGreat Rules for Token Systems
All privileges are earned via the token systemAll privileges are earned via the token system No credit: No tokens, no privilegesNo credit: No tokens, no privileges Give tokens prolifically, assign a daily quotaGive tokens prolifically, assign a daily quota Introduce the program on a positive noteIntroduce the program on a positive note Award tokens for obeying 1Award tokens for obeying 1stst CommandCommand No fines for the initial weekNo fines for the initial week Use bigger fines for antisocial actsUse bigger fines for antisocial acts Keep a 2:1 ratio (rewardsKeep a 2:1 ratio (rewards--toto--fines)fines)
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
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Rules for Time OutsRules for Time Outs
For Household Rules For Household Rules –– Instant time OutInstant time Out Deliver command as 3Deliver command as 3--step sequencestep sequence
Command (5 count, backwards)Command (5 count, backwards) Warning (5 count) Raised voice)Warning (5 count) Raised voice) Then initiate Time OutThen initiate Time Out
Release from time out contingent on:Release from time out contingent on: Serving minimum period (1Serving minimum period (1--2 min/yr)2 min/yr) Then becoming quietThen becoming quiet Then consenting to commandThen consenting to command
Rules for Time OutsRules for Time Outs
Afterwards, reward next good behaviorAfterwards, reward next good behavior If child escapes time outIf child escapes time out
Increasing length of time out does not workIncreasing length of time out does not work Consider using fines in token systemConsider using fines in token system Better yet, use bedroom for time out Better yet, use bedroom for time out –– Close and Close and
lock the door, as neededlock the door, as needed
Use time outs for just 1 or 2 types of problem Use time outs for just 1 or 2 types of problem behavior at a time.behavior at a time.
Managing Children in Public: Managing Children in Public: Transition PlanningTransition Planning
Before entering public place, STOP!Before entering public place, STOP! Review 2Review 2--3 rules child needs to obey3 rules child needs to obey
Child repeats backChild repeats back Stay next to meStay next to me Keep hands to selfKeep hands to self Do not begDo not beg
Establish an incentive or rewardEstablish an incentive or reward Establish the punishment to be usedEstablish the punishment to be used
Pick time out locationPick time out location Log on a pad if there is not a place to give the time out in Log on a pad if there is not a place to give the time out in
the store.the store. Take picture of time out location in homeTake picture of time out location in home
Bring something for the child to do Bring something for the child to do Enter the place, then follow your planEnter the place, then follow your plan Reward throughout the tripReward throughout the trip
MessagesMessages
Early messages can shape future behaviorEarly messages can shape future behavior Frequency & Intensity is what is Frequency & Intensity is what is
rememberedremembered SelfSelf--fulfilling propheciesfulfilling prophecies
You can selfYou can self--actualize a positive or negative actualize a positive or negative message.message.
Invalidation, Shame, Fear & Guilt can be Invalidation, Shame, Fear & Guilt can be toxictoxic
Effective CommunicationEffective Communication
Keys to NegotiationKeys to Negotiation--How to Make it a WinHow to Make it a Win--WinWin Catch them doing wellCatch them doing well Take concerns seriouslyTake concerns seriously Judge content not deliveryJudge content not delivery--((Explosive ChildExplosive Child, ,
Green)Green) Use “I” statementsUse “I” statements
“Help me understand what you are saying.”“Help me understand what you are saying.”
Problem Solving for ODD TeensProblem Solving for ODD Teens
6 steps to effective problem solving6 steps to effective problem solving Define the problem Define the problem –– write it downwrite it down
Keep family members on taskKeep family members on task
Generate list of all possible solutionsGenerate list of all possible solutions No criticism permittedNo criticism permitted
Briefly critique each possibility (+ Briefly critique each possibility (+ -- 0) Show me 0) Show me your lightsyour lights
Select the most agreeable optionSelect the most agreeable option Make this a behavior contract (all Sign)Make this a behavior contract (all Sign) Establish penalties for both the parent and Establish penalties for both the parent and
student.student.
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
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Looking at the Positive side of every Looking at the Positive side of every weakness or annoyanceweakness or annoyance
Do you have a Bossy child or a Leader that Do you have a Bossy child or a Leader that needs some tweaking?needs some tweaking?
Do you have a child that is Eavesdropping or Do you have a child that is Eavesdropping or InquisitiveInquisitive
Do you have a child that is Caretaking or a Do you have a child that is Caretaking or a Caring Helpful child?Caring Helpful child?
Do you have a Jokester/Prankster/Class Do you have a Jokester/Prankster/Class Clown or an Entertainer that needs an outlet?Clown or an Entertainer that needs an outlet?
Do you have a Gossiper or a CommunicatorDo you have a Gossiper or a Communicator
What if my student is yelling?
Session 3Session 3--Diffusing Diffusing Heated EmotionsHeated Emotions
DiffusingDiffusing How many of us when we are angry we are How many of us when we are angry we are
temporarily insane?temporarily insane? When someone starts yelling we begin to loose When someone starts yelling we begin to loose
our ability to use logic or hear reasonour ability to use logic or hear reason So why do we increase the level of consequence if So why do we increase the level of consequence if
someone will not stop being insane?someone will not stop being insane? “You say that one more time.”“You say that one more time.” “You can’t talk to me like that.”“You can’t talk to me like that.” “Don’t you walk away from me.”“Don’t you walk away from me.” “You have one week do you want to go for “You have one week do you want to go for
two?!!”two?!!” Who has the worst consequence?Who has the worst consequence?
VECVEC
ValidateValidate--”Whoa you really seem frustrated.” or “I ”Whoa you really seem frustrated.” or “I can see you are frustrated or upset.”can see you are frustrated or upset.” Use a neutral toneUse a neutral tone
Some oppositional, ADHD, or mood disorder Some oppositional, ADHD, or mood disorder students will escalate if tone is elevatedstudents will escalate if tone is elevated
To validate is to agree with the emotion.To validate is to agree with the emotion. Teenagers often do not feel heard.Teenagers often do not feel heard.
Spouses do not feel heard.Spouses do not feel heard. VentilationVentilation--After you validate pause to allow After you validate pause to allow
for a responsefor a response “No Duh!!”“No Duh!!” “I’M NOT FRUSTRATED!!!”“I’M NOT FRUSTRATED!!!” “Of course I’m angry!!!”“Of course I’m angry!!!”
VECVEC
EmpathizeEmpathize--”and I can see ”and I can see whywhy you are frustrated you are frustrated . . .”. . .” State why it appears they are frustratedState why it appears they are frustrated
“Because I know how much you love your “Because I know how much you love your computer time.” orcomputer time.” or
“Because I know you do not like to go to “Because I know you do not like to go to bed.” orbed.” or
Feel how they feel with themFeel how they feel with them Let them see it in your face and in your Let them see it in your face and in your
voice.voice. Ventilation: After you Empathize pause again Ventilation: After you Empathize pause again
so they can emote more.so they can emote more. “Yes, and if you care why don’t you give me “Yes, and if you care why don’t you give me
more time.”more time.” “Yes, but you don’t care.”“Yes, but you don’t care.”
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
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PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
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VECVEC
Empathize (continued)Empathize (continued) If they are still emotional they may still If they are still emotional they may still
be insane.be insane.So they may need more validation So they may need more validation
and empathy before you can go to and empathy before you can go to the next step.the next step.
You can apologize for the way they feelYou can apologize for the way they feel “I’m really sorry you feel that way.”“I’m really sorry you feel that way.” “I can see why you feel that way.”“I can see why you feel that way.” “I can see why you think that would “I can see why you think that would
work or be good for you.”work or be good for you.”
VECVEC
ChoicesChoices--”But we have a couple of choices.””But we have a couple of choices.” “We can turn the computer off now and get “We can turn the computer off now and get
ready for bed.”ready for bed.” or if I can turn it off and you will miss a day or if I can turn it off and you will miss a day
of computer privileges.of computer privileges. “We can admit your part in this and resolve “We can admit your part in this and resolve
this now and resume your privileges when the this now and resume your privileges when the trust is restored now trust is restored now or you can go to bed early and sleep on it or you can go to bed early and sleep on it
and when we resolve the issue with APC and when we resolve the issue with APC you can resume your privilegesyou can resume your privileges
“It’s your choice, I will give you some time to “It’s your choice, I will give you some time to think about it.think about it. Or I will give you 5Or I will give you 5--minutes to decide.”minutes to decide.”
Resolve with the APC planResolve with the APC plan
VECVEC
Be careful to recommend consequences Be careful to recommend consequences for an emotional response.for an emotional response. Try not to treat an emotional response Try not to treat an emotional response
as disobedient or oppositionalas disobedient or oppositional If it’s treated as oppositional in some If it’s treated as oppositional in some
cases it can be selfcases it can be self--actualizedactualized If an emotional response is disrespectful If an emotional response is disrespectful
there should be consequencesthere should be consequences but wait for the insanity to subside but wait for the insanity to subside
before giving consequencesbefore giving consequences
Resources AvailableResources Available ADHD HandbookADHD Handbook, Power Point & DVD Resources, Power Point & DVD Resources Building Positive Peer PressureBuilding Positive Peer Pressure Handbook, Handbook,
Power Point & DVDPower Point & DVD Social Skills GroupSocial Skills Group (is the Building Positive Peer (is the Building Positive Peer
Pressure Workbook) for Students and ParentsPressure Workbook) for Students and Parents Team building gamesTeam building games also in the Building also in the Building
Positive Peer Pressure WorkbookPositive Peer Pressure Workbook DVDs of this seminar and ADHD Seminar yesterday DVDs of this seminar and ADHD Seminar yesterday
are availableare available Check off if you are interested in an inCheck off if you are interested in an in--service or service or
retreat and be sure to give us your name and the retreat and be sure to give us your name and the contact person to coordinate the scheduling.contact person to coordinate the scheduling.
If you would like updates on services, camps and If you would like updates on services, camps and ADHD breakthroughs please complete the inADHD breakthroughs please complete the in--service form.service form.
Positive Conflict Positive Conflict ResolutionResolution
The APC PlanThe APC Plan
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
[email protected]@totallifecounseling.com 8
What is the Glue that What is the Glue that holds a relationship holds a relationship
together?together?
TrustTrustEvery Thing we do has Every Thing we do has
an impact on Trustan impact on Trust
1.1. BuildsBuilds TrustTrust2.2. BreaksBreaks TrustTrust
“Does that build or break?” or“Does that build or break?” or “Build or Break”“Build or Break” Response “Break.”Response “Break.” If you break something what do you If you break something what do you
need to do?need to do? Fix it or Replace itFix it or Replace it
What do we do if someone What do we do if someone takes Trust?takes Trust?
“Are you being Helpful or Hurtful?” or“Are you being Helpful or Hurtful?” or “Helpful or Hurtful”“Helpful or Hurtful” Response “Hurtful.”Response “Hurtful.” If you hurt somone what do you need to If you hurt somone what do you need to
do?do? Be HelpfulBe Helpful
What do we do if a child younger What do we do if a child younger than 9 year old takes Trust?than 9 year old takes Trust?
Confronting Someone Who Confronting Someone Who Took Away TrustTook Away Trust
Power TalkPower Talk “I don’t think you meant it” or“I don’t think you meant it” or “I don’t think you realize it but”“I don’t think you realize it but” “I” statements:“I” statements:
“I was hurt or frustrated”“I was hurt or frustrated” “When you . . . ““When you . . . “ “Will you try not to do that again?” “Will you try not to do that again?”
APC PlanAPC Plan If I was wrong about anything I If I was wrong about anything I
should should ApologizeApologize.. “I apologize for hitting you” or “I “I apologize for hitting you” or “I
apologize for calling you a bad name.” apologize for calling you a bad name.” “I was wrong and will try never to do it “I was wrong and will try never to do it
again”again” “Will you forgive me.”“Will you forgive me.” Response: “I was hurt, but I forgive Response: “I was hurt, but I forgive
you.”you.”
Total Life Counseling Center1507 S Hiawassee Rd #101 Orlando
James L West, MA, LMHCEvelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP
PH: 407 248 0030 FX: 407-248-0226www.totallifecounseling.com
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APC PlanAPC Plan “How can I make it up to you?” My “How can I make it up to you?” My PlanPlan to to PutPut
back your trust will be:back your trust will be: If you If you SaySay something mean you can something mean you can SaySay 4 4
nice things (focus on character traits)nice things (focus on character traits)Creative, Smart, Intelligent, Good person, Creative, Smart, Intelligent, Good person,
Good friend, kind, caring, helpful, sensitive, Good friend, kind, caring, helpful, sensitive, cool, radical, & tubularcool, radical, & tubular
If you If you DoDo something mean you something mean you DoDo something something nice.nice.Helping you with your homeworkHelping you with your homework Inviting you over to play video gamesInviting you over to play video gamesHelping you with your choresHelping you with your chores
APC PlanAPC Plan Consequences or ChoreConsequences or Chore----if this happens if this happens
again what will help me learn not to do this again what will help me learn not to do this again and regain your trust?again and regain your trust? I will do an additional task for you.I will do an additional task for you. I will not participate in the next event.I will not participate in the next event. Write down the consequence and sign it.Write down the consequence and sign it. Keep it in a notebook for future reference.Keep it in a notebook for future reference.
APC LogAPC Log Track trust offenses on the logTrack trust offenses on the log
Each trust offense is on the logEach trust offense is on the log Reset the log at the end of the weekReset the log at the end of the week
If trust is violated by the same person but If trust is violated by the same person but a different target it’s still an additional a different target it’s still an additional offense.offense.
Resources AvailableResources Available ADHD HandbookADHD Handbook, Power Point & DVD Resources, Power Point & DVD Resources Building Positive Peer PressureBuilding Positive Peer Pressure Handbook, Handbook,
Power Point & DVDPower Point & DVD Social Skills GroupSocial Skills Group (is the Building Positive Peer (is the Building Positive Peer
Pressure Workbook) for Students and ParentsPressure Workbook) for Students and Parents Team building gamesTeam building games also in the Building also in the Building
Positive Peer Pressure WorkbookPositive Peer Pressure Workbook DVDs of this seminar and ADHD Seminar yesterday DVDs of this seminar and ADHD Seminar yesterday
are availableare available Check off if you are interested in an inCheck off if you are interested in an in--service or service or
retreat and be sure to give us your name and the retreat and be sure to give us your name and the contact person to coordinate the scheduling.contact person to coordinate the scheduling.
If you would like updates on services, camps and If you would like updates on services, camps and ADHD breakthroughs please complete the inADHD breakthroughs please complete the in--service form.service form.