Hey, Bob!Hey, Bob!

Peter: "Based on the arguments I have Peter: "Based on the arguments I have presented, it is evident that it is morally presented, it is evident that it is morally wrong to use animals for food or wrong to use animals for food or clothing." clothing." Bill: "But you are wearing a leather jacket Bill: "But you are wearing a leather jacket and you have a roast beef sandwich in and you have a roast beef sandwich in your hand! How can you say that using your hand! How can you say that using animals for food and clothing is wrong!" animals for food and clothing is wrong!"

Bill says that he likes the idea Bill says that he likes the idea that people should work for that people should work for their welfare when they can. His their welfare when they can. His friends laugh at him, accuse him friends laugh at him, accuse him of fascist leanings, and threaten of fascist leanings, and threaten to ostracize him from their to ostracize him from their group. He decides to recant and group. He decides to recant and abandon his position to avoid abandon his position to avoid rejection.rejection.

Bill: "God must Bill: "God must exist." exist." Jill: "How do you Jill: "How do you know." know." Bill: "Because the Bill: "Because the Bible says so." Bible says so." Jill: "Why should I Jill: "Why should I believe the believe the Bible?" Bible?" Bill: "Because the Bill: "Because the Bible was written Bible was written by God." by God."

Bill: "I believe that abortion Bill: "I believe that abortion is morally wrong." is morally wrong." Dave: "Of course you would Dave: "Of course you would say that, you're a priest. say that, you're a priest. You are just a lackey to the You are just a lackey to the Pope, so I can't believe Pope, so I can't believe what you say." what you say."

The picture on Jim's The picture on Jim's old TV set goes out of old TV set goes out of focus. Jim goes over focus. Jim goes over and strikes the TV and strikes the TV soundly on the side soundly on the side and the picture goes and the picture goes back into focus. Jim back into focus. Jim tells his friend that tells his friend that hitting the TV fixed it. hitting the TV fixed it.

After leaving a store, Jill After leaving a store, Jill notices that she has underpaid notices that she has underpaid by $10. She decides not to by $10. She decides not to return the money to the store return the money to the store because if she had overpaid, because if she had overpaid, they would not have returned they would not have returned the money. the money.

The idea of an alien The idea of an alien invasion is purely invasion is purely fictitious. We have never fictitious. We have never found proof of life on found proof of life on other planets; therefore, other planets; therefore, none must exist.none must exist.

"I read the other day that most "I read the other day that most people really like the new gun people really like the new gun control laws. I was sort of control laws. I was sort of suspicious of them, but I guess suspicious of them, but I guess if most people like them, then if most people like them, then they must be okay." they must be okay."

It is only proper for a woman It is only proper for a woman to take her husband’s last to take her husband’s last name when she marries. For name when she marries. For countless generations, countless generations, women have done so.women have done so.

I had been doing pretty poorly I had been doing pretty poorly this season. Then my girlfriend this season. Then my girlfriend gave me this neon laces for my gave me this neon laces for my spikes and I won my next three spikes and I won my next three races. Those laces must be races. Those laces must be good luck...if I keep on wearing good luck...if I keep on wearing them I can't help but win! them I can't help but win!

"Don't listen to him, he's a "Don't listen to him, he's a jerk." jerk."

"We have to stop the tuition "We have to stop the tuition increase! The next thing you know, increase! The next thing you know, they'll be charging $40,000 a they'll be charging $40,000 a semester!" semester!"

"The US shouldn't get "The US shouldn't get involved militarily in other involved militarily in other countries. Once the countries. Once the government sends in a few government sends in a few troops, it will then send in troops, it will then send in thousands to die." thousands to die."

African American slaves were African American slaves were treated, on the whole, worse treated, on the whole, worse than white indentured than white indentured servants. Indentured white servants. Indentured white servants were usually treated servants were usually treated worse than free white labor. worse than free white labor. Therefore, African American Therefore, African American slaves were generally treated slaves were generally treated worse than free white labor.worse than free white labor.

Bill and Jill are arguing about Bill and Jill are arguing about cleaning out their closets: cleaning out their closets: Jill: "We should clean out the Jill: "We should clean out the closets. They are getting a bit closets. They are getting a bit messy." messy." Bill: "Why, we just went through Bill: "Why, we just went through those closets last year. Do we have those closets last year. Do we have to clean them out everyday?" to clean them out everyday?" Jill: "I never said anything about Jill: "I never said anything about cleaning them out every day. You cleaning them out every day. You just want too keep all your junk just want too keep all your junk forever, which is just ridiculous." forever, which is just ridiculous."

Joe: "When I was flying back to school, the Joe: "When I was flying back to school, the pilot told us that the plane was having pilot told us that the plane was having engine trouble. I looked out the window and engine trouble. I looked out the window and I saw smoke billowing out of the engine I saw smoke billowing out of the engine nearest me. We had to make an emergency nearest me. We had to make an emergency landing and there were fire trucks landing and there were fire trucks everywhere. I was lucky I didn't die! I'm everywhere. I was lucky I didn't die! I'm never flying again." never flying again." Drew: “But you are much more likely to get Drew: “But you are much more likely to get injured or killed driving than flying." injured or killed driving than flying." Joe: "I don't buy that! You should have seen Joe: "I don't buy that! You should have seen the smoke pouring out of that engine! I'm the smoke pouring out of that engine! I'm never getting on one of those death traps never getting on one of those death traps again!" again!"

"Look, you are "Look, you are going to have to going to have to make up your make up your mind. Either you mind. Either you decide that you can decide that you can afford this stereo, afford this stereo, or you decide you or you decide you are going to do are going to do without music for a without music for a while." while."

Jill is horrified by the way the Jill is horrified by the way the state uses capital punishment. state uses capital punishment. Bill says that capital Bill says that capital punishment is fine, since those punishment is fine, since those the state kill don't have any the state kill don't have any qualms about killing others.qualms about killing others.

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on I'm not a doctor, but I play one on the hit series "Bimbos and the hit series "Bimbos and Studmuffins in the OR." You can Studmuffins in the OR." You can take it from me that when you take it from me that when you need a fast acting, effective and need a fast acting, effective and safe pain killer there is nothing safe pain killer there is nothing better than MorphiDope 2000. That better than MorphiDope 2000. That is my considered medical opinion.is my considered medical opinion.

"Yeah, I know some people "Yeah, I know some people say that cheating on tests is say that cheating on tests is wrong. But we all know that wrong. But we all know that everyone does it, so it's everyone does it, so it's okay." okay."

"Senator Jones says that we "Senator Jones says that we should not fund the attack should not fund the attack submarine program. I disagree submarine program. I disagree entirely. I can't understand entirely. I can't understand why he wants to leave us why he wants to leave us defenseless like that." defenseless like that."

Sam is riding her bike in her home Sam is riding her bike in her home town in Maine, minding her own town in Maine, minding her own business. A station wagon comes business. A station wagon comes up behind her and the driver starts up behind her and the driver starts beeping his horn and then tries to beeping his horn and then tries to force her off the road. As he goes force her off the road. As he goes by, the driver yells "get on the by, the driver yells "get on the sidewalk where you belong!" Sam sidewalk where you belong!" Sam sees that the car has Ohio plates sees that the car has Ohio plates and concludes that all Ohio drivers and concludes that all Ohio drivers are jerks.are jerks.

Bill: "Jill and I both support Bill: "Jill and I both support having prayer in public having prayer in public schools." schools." Jill: "Hey, I never said that!" Jill: "Hey, I never said that!" Bill: "You're not an atheist, Bill: "You're not an atheist, are you Jill?" are you Jill?"

Final JeopardyFinal Jeopardy I am opposed to bi-I am opposed to bi-

lingual instruction in lingual instruction in our schools. If our schools. If English was good English was good enough for our lord, enough for our lord, Jesus Christ, it’s Jesus Christ, it’s good enough for me!good enough for me!