Healthy Life (Vida Sana)

My Vipassana Experience

Neistlein A. Martinich

"Seeking but not finding the house builder, I travelled through the round of countless

births. Oh, painful is birth ever and again! House builder you have now been seen. You

shall not build the house again. Your rafters have been broken down; your ridge-pole is

demolished too. My mind has now attained the unformed Nirvana and reached the end

of every kind of craving." (Dhammapada. 153-54.)

I made my first Vipassana! "Vida Sana" (Healthy life) As I call it with affection. A

wonderful experience and constant practice for good. The Master is Goenka, who looks

like a millennial wisdom round Buddha. The technique is pure, free of any faith or

belief. Very basic. It's self-observation.

Everything I write is varied collection of information, nothing new, compilations of my

former life, being curious. Reading the Bible, Carlos Castaneda, Ho'oponopono, Toltec

wisdom, the Upanishas, Zapotec, Maya, Egyptians, Greeks, Sumerians, Louise Hay

sentences, Law of Attraction, the Emerald Tablet, the Kybalion (All is mind) watching

films, documentaries and videos like "what the bleep do we know." Also the Anunnaki

story, Planet X, the Illuminati and reptiles deities. Schumann resonance, I became a fan

of Nikola Tesla. Changes in our DNA, solar storms. The idea of the end and the

beginning of a new time. Alfa vibrating without control.

It is my experience that I want to share, never say this is like this, or you read a book by

Shirley Maclaine. Everyone perceives their reality as best suits them. Like when

someone tells me: Do you believe in angels? or Do you believe in the chakras? It makes

me laugh, because start to explain what I felt sense a child, is just perception, and not

even enough to take a picture or a video of something, somebody will say it's "computer

image".

A new time came, I had an idea of what is on the outside. Now, with the meditation

technique, I learned to feel from within. A situation whatever is the cause, is the effect

on me. I get angry, happy or any other emotion in response. That feeling or thought

creates a chemical reaction in my brain, neuropeptides do their job, it come to me the

feeling to that reaction and I can became addicted to what the sensation make me feel.

Then meditating, I observe, the sensations and I learn to know myself, learning to train

my mind, I pay attention to what is happening outside and feeling in my body and I take

that emotion whether I like or dislike it, sometimes I say thanks, but no thanks. Once

prepared in this new knowledge is a wonderful meditation, feeling love, really, pure and

true love. No one can practice keeping negativities about the world, or a person or to

oneself, it’s very healthy. Understand also negative and excessive joy, it's like being

drunk. Is mental balance, everything in perspective. Without being carried away by

euphoria or depression.

I'm still getting used to the detoxification of my brain. I would (without generating

excessive emotion of pleasure) like, that everyone can have the Vipassana Meditation

experience. It's hard; a test of courage, but it is valuable for the soul and mental hygiene.

I do not give reasons to the constructor of my existence, to build me another body and

have to go again for the traumatic birth experience, that engenders the feeling of

separation, I was blinded my former life, because what else would I desire but Love.

You are what you think, what you feel, what you eat and you have to compulsorily take

the responsibility to turn all that into positive energy. We are all connected, the spiritual

Internet, I say, every link can provide more information and mix this, logically or not,

completely basic or very complex concepts, but it depends on how we used we can go

until "Second World War" or hard pornography, or perhaps this porn war of external

stimulus.

Each little life, is a little world, which is part of this world. A living planet, is fluid,

wind and water. With its elements, earth, wood, plants, minerals, fire, ether, us. Life,

energy and consciousness. A galaxy we inhabit is a tiny cell for the eternal Being who is

infinite. Why try to understand in words or pictures, when what you have to do is close

your eyes and feel. No explanation or justification that may contain the Light, Love,

Everything and Nothing. Perfect balance.

I dedicate this text to my Masters, my parents, who are the "very best" I could choose

before coming here to Earth. To Chris as well, whom we have being ultraterrestrials and

of the space within, conversations. It's your experience and it's good to share.

My Vipassana, or as I like to say, "vida sana" (healthy life).

I made my booking several months before. I bought the train ticket more than one

month in advance. The day finally I had to go, I went to another station. During that

month, I have to have seen in my e-mail my ticket at least four times, but I always had

the idea that I was going to a wrong station. The particular day was chaos. Although I

arrived an hour before to the train's departure, I could not get the ticket from the

machine, someone called me and talked a long time, when I went to ask what was

wrong with my ticket, I was sent to another station which is close, but it was not there. I

lost the train, I cried in distress, I cried in front of the subway map, on the escalator, I

cried on the platform, in the subway and on the way home. I could not see anything

clearly, but I wanted to mourn and put out that anger against me, it was like letting go

emotions explode all had long contained, throwing all that I was unable to digest. So I

went home, counting and I went any way.

My dear Vipassana friend, who I lived with at that time, said to me, "You know?

Vipassana will help you a lot in this type of situations”. At home I cried last things and

almost dehydrated I had left.

When I arrived at Dhamma Dipa Meditation Center, they were waiting kindly for me,

they treated me very well, I felt at home. My eyes were like fried egg, so they just sent

me to bed and tomorrow, is another day.

Day 1

I missed the first meditation because I was still out of focus, but I slept deeply in a bed,

in my own space, my silence and my company. I got up for breakfast. Breakfast was my

usual breakfast. Porridge with fruit and nuts, rooibos tea. No eye contact and Noble

Silence, the next ten days.

The first day is very chaotic; most people do not have much idea of how to proceed and

usually acts only by imitation. Information is placed outside the room, everyone reads

what will happened in the daytime. You can only ask the managers of the group, you

can not make gestures to others, for be clever about something. When you think you

would save someone the mistake, just buy saying anything, "Hey, this is like this". Just

leave them, they have to learn on their own, is an exercise. "I Respect the evolution of

others".

It's like that story that Silvia Freire tells, about the person who watched the butterfly

struggling to emerge from the cocoon, then decided to help by opening the cocoon, but

then saw that the butterfly could not fly, not strong enough, because she didn't went

through the effort itself for get out of its own shell. Leave it to sweat, heavy heart beat

and that the spirit filled with the pride of succeeded.

I had no clear the technique. At first I concentrated on breathing, was not natural and I

was counting, this allowed me to concentrate, but actually it was not counting, leaving

the mind calm. I could never do it, my mind was like a radio, which never stopped,

eventually just ignored it. Even if I shut up in my mind, what Carlos Castaneda called

the second mind, came to me with laughter, songs and sometimes complex talks.

Goenka's speech at the end of the day, let me cleared. So many years of experience,

many courses, is like a magician, who reads your mind. It is a real master, he's giving

you information, the words you need to hear at the right moment.

I had a dream with the people from the course. In my dream I had to keep quiet, but that

rule was only for me. The others talked among themselves about me, criticizing me. A

woman accused me, that I did not loved her son and he said he loved me, when I saw

him, he had his legs together, was male mermaid. I left the place angry, I went to the

upper parts, some mountains, where several houses had their doors and windows closed,

locked with wood, I was angry, outraged me more because I thought: "All these houses

empty and wasted, while I have no a place to live". Dreams…

Always taking care what I think, how I think and judge. Very clear that we are all part

of a whole Being, big and perfect. Just simply observe how cells reproduce. Our

immune system kills cancer cells every day, that our own body produces. Just a bit of

emotional depression, lower defences and trigger the disease. In the book the author

Louise Hay "Heal Your Body" explains how each emotion is somatise by the body, so

the disease is a warning from the physical to what's emotionally happening. It is the

emotion of anger that generates cancer and healing comes by heal the mind, attitude

change life, change the way you think (do exercise and eat healthy).

Sure there is aluminium in deodorant, is blamed for breast cancer, even in men.

Aspartame is everywhere and is cancers of the head, lead in lipstick, ingested meat rots

in the gut causing colon cancer, plus so much rubbish in processed foods, it would be

better if you are interested use google search.

Louise Hay after practicing her techniques for years, was able to heal herself of cancer.

First healed her mind and emotions through forgiveness, in a world that we can not feel,

but it's real as any emotion, which later materialized in the physical world, in the body.

She works with statements of simple ideas like: "I love and approve of myself. I'm safe"

is not so simple for many people truly love and accept their selves. Feeling good despite

what happens in the outside world, that's the big test, is Faith.

The sentence to cure cancer is: "With love I forgive and release all the past. I choose to

fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself".

Ho'oponopono means "Corrects what is wrong" is an art used by the Elders of the

village in ancient Hawaii. Every time there was a mess, the villagers came with their

dramas to the Elders to do Ho'oponopono.

There are people healed successfully though experiments with this technique. The

psychiatric ward of the hospital in Honolulu was empty of patients (they where

criminals), thanks to a researcher testing the technique incessantly repeated these words

while reviewing the file or record of each patient: "Ho'oponopono, I'm sorry, I love you,

thank you".

To me it's like dropping the ego to the floor, saying it's my fault, and I do not feel guilty,

well, we are free, what else can we do, but enjoy. Forgive me, I love you. Love to all,

how not to, if what I like most is to be beloved, that's why I give the first step.

How difficult is the concept of love, seems so simple when is pure "unconditional", but

in our education often comes with possession, saying: "This person no one loved it more

than me" and is mine, nobody will dare to make this person happier than I can do it.

Also it's like sometimes you ought a favour, because they love you: "How you do that,

to me, that I love you" and dramas. "So much that I sacrificed for this person".

Reproaching. Then perhaps the sacrifice has nothing to do with Love.

Already was crucified the Saviour. Father, with paternal love, offered in sacrifice he's

son in an act of love, for all of us, for all who came. Just him, the son, he is no longer

suffering.

Sometimes I thought of a person, who loves me, but he wants me to be for him or wants

me when he wants, that's not love. I think the exercise (exercise sometimes not) to have

children or even a pet, trains us to unconditional love.

Maybe not even a child because it is mixed the drama of ownership, or even a dog

because the dog loves with all heart. Maybe a cat, which just look at you, tells you: "I

go and comeback, you'll be here when I return?” If, he look at you while he's leaving.

There is a book about “the Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm, like any art, is learned,

requires discipline and training.

I saw a documentary on Animal Planet, saying that puppies of almost all species have

the structure of the face made to look sweet. The eyes look rounder and closer together,

of course, is small, soft, smell better than adults and they squeal. Adult animals have

this instinct to protect, in that eagerness, they attack each other and sometimes harm the

puppy. Brutality Pro-tenderness?

There is an instinct in the world of forms that says, "This is mine, stay away" and "The

Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins. Finally, we are never entirely altruistic, we do

something good for self-satisfaction. While being a good thing for others, be selfish, but

without ego.

Day 2

I began to meditate as I had to, but the monkey mind, as Goenka call with affection,

never stay quiet, jumping here and there.

There was a time when, if I would open my eyes, I seemed to be certain that at the

centre of the meditation hall, there would be a pool table on a grand piano, for playing

golf. What a stupidity, but psychedelia! So, this picture come back sometimes. It's my

ridiculous situation phrase: "Less sense, that grand piano with pool table to play golf"

Who would ever think something like that?

There are moments in which we meditate on are room. Because I was a little bit tired, I

fell asleep in my bed while I was meditating and in the dream I woke up, feeling this

sensation. "I'm dreaming" I said and ran down the hall to go to outside, because I

learned to fly in my lucid dreams, but just before going outside I saw a mirror. As they

has strong symbolism in dreams, you can see your soul, I said to myself: "I'm going to

watch me!" I went and saw my reflection all disfigured like these mirrors in the mirror

house, and I was blonde. I said, "Noooo!". Then I got closer and slowly began to see my

face "Now is ok" I said. I saw that there were tears on my face going in reverse.

Redemptive emotion!

I woke up and felt the meaning. I thought on the written word: "In the beginning was

the verb" ... says, but I think it was near the end of the Bible, God promises that when

he comes, he will wipe away every tear from your face. I feel that, for me already came.

My body is the house that was waiting with my mind open, which is the open door.

I feel that he washed my face of sadness and cleaned my wounds. Today no scar, healed

and has stayed in my heart that had been broken a few times.

After several meditations, on the tea break, I was in my bed thinking about people who I

despised and why the actions of everyone. Why they play a role in my story for me to

learn something. Why do I need these experiences, and basically, it's me who uses them

at the end.

It is assumed, that together we think, believe and create. Thus, we are giving energy to a

world without peace. Because we are usually unable to feel peace on our own,

regardless of the outside and bla bla.

It came to me the memory of someone who I was not in complete agreement. Then in

the middle of the "Noble Silence" I said aloud: "Fucker!" And I quickly covered my

mouth with my hands.

I started laughing, because all the other ladies, who were also in are rest in their beds

and rooms, all listened. Our rooms were divided from the hall only by a curtain. All of

them heard me as well as I could hear them, serch in their things, sneezing, snoring, or

blow. I wanted to say "Sorry" but it was just to screw up more.

When I have faced attacks without raising arms, once somebody told me: "You play the

victim". Not true, if someone is upset because I don't advocate myself or attack, is

because I do not feel I have to. In my point of view, I have not done anything wrong and

if someone wants to hurt me is their problem. I do not feel hurt.

Of course it hurts when is someone that you feel affection, but unfortunately or

fortunately, depends on how you judge. I learned to let go of ideas, beliefs, places and

people, affections too.

Not flee or tired of turning the other cheek, but I do ask for elm pears if elm is elm.

(that's a proverb it means you won't have something else)

Again, "I respect the evolution of others" and respect me mine too. To the battle I go

with the best weapons, which are not supported by my cruelty, but in the mercy and

forgiveness, two qualities that require long work. In my experience the forgiveness just

comes, divine Will? You can not force it. Will be my own evolution?

Sun Tzu in "The Art of War" says that subdue the enemy without fighting is supreme. I

think many of my enemies, although not finish being friends, I won theme by my

example, always dignified and not stoop to act in the way that they did.

Enemies help you to learn a lot about yourself, that is true, I do not know who said it.

It's like the external situation would be the enemy "Crisis, Recession, cholesterol,

cancer, weapons of mass destruction, terrorism ..." (Ho'oponopono) Those were my

enemies and are internal and external work.

How much control is needed to keep the peace? Asked Tranquilino, Elohim of Peace.

My mind is calm, my feelings also does and that's not mean that I love you less.

Mentally say "Ho'oponopono sorry I love you" and I apologize if words have offended

anyone. For many people, when they leave the other feeling bad or injured, is a triumph.

I do not give theme their prize.

I lived severely energy vampires, people who feed on the emotion of hatred, fear and

any energy you have. They live in negativity without knowing anything else, if you

show affection or they start to feel good, they are uncomfortable.

I was, I think, a wonderful challenge, but I spent very bad time, for an old fool woman,

how I call with love "Crazy Lady". I know I have to be impeccable with words, I missed

to do more ho'oponopono with her.

She always wanted to make me feel bad and I was not Vipassana at the time, but I did

not feel bad, because I used to analyzed from the outside, thinking: "No one has treated

me like that". My mom and dad always encouraged me, no one humbled me, if

somebody did, I never felt alluded to, then I have said to her: "If you want me to go, I

go". She said, escaping somewere not solved things and I said, do I get something

staying? When I came out of her life definitely she went more crazy and finally was

trying to infuriate the people around her. But she is not my little girl, I did not educated

her, was not in me to change her. I wanted to share what I learned and she couldn't get

it, is the process of evolution. I take her healed with me.

It is hard to think that we share the planet psychic network with such beings, but it is, so

they appears.

"Why me" I said to my mom many times exhausted by crazy lady. The "pinche tyrant"

She said was named by Don Juan Matus or Don Juan, Carlos Castaneda's mentor.

Always I will need who play with my ego, while I still have it. To strengthen my spirit.

Now I can say, vampires come to me. My blood will make you throw up when I show

the mirror of their soul, which can not show anything. Rapists, pedophiles, and simply

greedy people apathetic, ignorant.

This great Being that contains we all, also has these tumors and this task of healthy cells

is irradiate to diseased cells, although it seems hopeless. "I am old and do not think I

will change".

Inspiring for who recognizing himself creator as heritage of The Creator. I do believe

and I am creating that everything will change, because I already changed and you have

done it with me!

Day 3

My mind was not getting quieter or calm as the pool table to play golf above the grand

piano. So, it was not working.

I started thinking in "Neistlein's little helper" and I got the image of a baby angel.

Beautiful fat, chubby with soft wings, super cute and I blow it out, he laughed.

I was getting put my attention on my breathing, but imagination overflowed

uncontrollably. I went to the past, to worry on something that no longer exists. I went to

future, thinking about "what I'll say" and I couldn’t, so I asked help and suddenly started

to feel a soft cold wind in my face, from time to time, so every time it came on I

breathed the little wind and when was not I exhaled, after a while my breathing was

natural, tantric breathing help by the assistant. My attention under my nose. I felt as if I

had inflamed the palate, fat, all swollen. The teacher asked me about my sensations that

day and concluded: "Expansion" and I said "Ok".

Anyway my mind never stopped, in a moment I saw the flowers named "thoughts" in

black and white on a black background with flashing yellow spots.

After tea, meditate again and came to my mind an image of Jesus as the Jehovah's

Witnesses draws, in their clothes radiant, well-lit, but it was black and white, black

background, going away. I just looked at him, without imagining, getting what my mind

wanted to send, without apparent control.

Vipassana begins! The latest daily meditation is the introduction to what will be

Vipassana. After calming the mind, not in my case, slowly began to pay attention to

every little part of the body, the Being.

I began to experience big pain. When my attention was on top of my body my legs were

experiencing lot tension and even a dreadful feeling like sometimes I had the needles in

my feet. When my attention finally reached the bottom of my body started to feel tense

neck, especially in what I call "the channel of anger" that runs from the base of the

back, in my case on the right side, bordering entire spine up my neck. Stress. I moved in

all directions, one leg cramped and the other one sleeping.

Day 4

I started the morning very hungry. Improving fairly, staying very still feeling my

breathing and enjoying the peace of the moment, only my head seemed to spin freely,

then sometimes I felt my head was going to fall or moving with no control to one the

side.

At breakfast I went to make me another tea again, with the same bag, (as crazy lady

used to make me) I just needed to take water, but I had a big woman in the hot water

machine, she was not getting water, but felt the need to put her foot in the place not to

let me pass, occupying the space along the hot water machine, tray with coffee, tea and

sugar, until the part where was also the soymilk. I waited patient and observing my cup.

I asked myself. "Is it this woman trying to make me moving in Vipassana?" And I

baptized her as Margot.

"The Margot" was my first bully, I was five, I was in kindergarten and she was older

than everyone, big and fat. Every time the teacher left the room, the Margot stood,

began to walk and say, "Now, no one moves or I will tell to The Miss" in very

aggressive attitude. We all watched each other and we watched her. We were much

smaller children, we looked at this bitch, big and menacing. The Margot maybe had

someone who treated her this way at home. I did not know was happening with her, but

at a young age she was full of hate. That bitch beat other children, once she stepped me

horribly strong in the instep in a ceremony at the school and I was on all photos with

angry face, tried to make my life miserable, but as I was happy and lived here and now,

I forgot. I think at that age begotten no hate, but I considered her the enemy and many

years after the memory returned.

Among those who loathed in my story, I had done a lot of forgiveness without result, is

something that just happens. I accumulated six heads, one man and five women,

curious? Heads? Mentally I decided to cut them and observe them, not as individuals. I

thought of the Bible, which says that if I did not forgive, this grudge accumulate not

only on me, but I put that burden on my brother's head. I wont be free because don't

forgive and that person not be released from the sentence that I make.

The head does not suggest much about forgiveness, I think it's turning people into

objects, like chips in a game and leave my ego as the board, then it depends on what

position I install the head or chip. If I am ready to release or keep playing under absurd

rules, in complete unconsciousness, thinking "How could this person do that to me", if I

do not deserve it, if I've always been good and bla bla bla.

Sometimes I still remember, with the feeling that I want to pass some memory, but still

could not look at it with complete peace.

It was Friday, I began to remember the meditations of the Ascended Masters. Friday

sixth ray, beloved Master Lady Nada ... I got the meditation of Jesus working as Misha

angel and I thought that they will get pay well to serve this evotution!

Meditation remembered about ministering angel, then I thought about Neistlein's little

helper. I remembered that the guardin angel do not attend any withdrawals if the current

life also not attend. This is the case of "Prison by Love" that is unparalleled. So I

thought of the cherub and I know that my helper is not like that, I can not visualize

human form.

Angels are a loving energy explosion, perhaps resembling something like star-shaped

with mushroom-shaped smoke. I told him mentally, I gave thanks for the little air, I told

him if he wanted to take a holiday of me, this was the time to do it, because I was in

good hands. Then I had a vision of fractal shape, amazing. First I saw that my angel

was like a tree, I thought on the angelic choirs, where are babies angels, children, adults,

angels animals. Those closest to God, dominations work with the stars and planets.

Why not have angels vegetables, insects or arachnids? Then it came to me how is

"Umabel" like a coral. Like a tree that started spinning in all directions, not just two-

dimensional, to make a flower shape with endless streaks and again the suction me tube

vision, that I always see when I stare at the sky, with a repetitive aura coming towards

me. The shape of the angel is pure energy, constantly expanding.

Always with pain and tension in the meditations, with better times, but inconstant. In

one of the meditations in my room, sat on the bed super good, but the mind playing with

me. Suddenly a voice says to me, "Ei! You have your Oyster? (the transport card)

Hurry you'll miss bus!" And my right leg raised up high as if had received an electric

shock. I get scare, uncontrolled is scary. You can cure the immobility of a member with

the thought, the electrical impulse, combustion chemistry, neurons doing chik chik in

the brain and the leg up.

I once saw on the Discovery Channel, the case of a man who had lost an arm. He was

feeling big pain in the arm that had not. How can that be? His doctor put a mirror so that

he looked like he had both arms through the reflection of his remaining arm. The only

exercise was to open the hand. His brain understood well that he released the tension.

The mind.

Of course my monkey mind, had a baby monkey with hat and bottle, while I felt fire

and burning throughout the body, needles feeling in my fingers, the tension was not

gone.

I remembered my mother as a child, with my aunt, used to placed facing the sun with

lemon juice on the eyes so they will get clarify, that's pain.

That day all the scars on my body were pink and swollen. Something was moving,

healing with the trauma of healing.

Day 5

The arduous morning, slept few hours, thinking everything. That day the lunch was

scrumptious as always, but I saw it coming. The Jack Potato and Humus! Only from my

Father I have eaten the bean mixture with chickpeas in he’s "Spring Vegetables".

As always enjoyed the food, I went for a long walk in the woods, always looking back,

that there was no one, would naturally ventilating, because we still are not angels, and

we're going to the bathroom pi and poo, literally fill us with shit. Although there are

people who do not, because they do not need to eat as they do photosynthesis facing the

sun during the hours of power, that my mother taught me, connecting with the breath of

the Creator, mental and bodily hygiene. Sun gazin. These are people who still drink

water, but some people do not even drink anymore, the "breatharians" breathing are

nurtured, of course it's all in the mind, the connection.

There are others who do not sleep, for medical causes problem or meditation, if you can

order your body secrete hormones necessary for your balance everything is possible. I

think in the beginning of humanity, people could be almost eternal, closer to the

primary essence, safe growth hormone secreted continuously, not like now, until seven

years, then less. It's all about activating the glands, the fountain of youth. Walking,

focusing my assemblage point, looked at the sky, I see the tunnel is a power vacuum

that sucks me, which is also the centre of a flower, its drain fluid.

Time for strong determination, swollen, but not too much, can control it. In my head a

lot of characters, laughter, peace, niggles. Tension throughout the body, although

experimenting much control. Suddenly, in the men's side (the groups of women and

men are only together when they share the meditation hall) there was a very long sound.

They already had the scandal, coughing, sneezing and sometimes snoring. Everyone

started laughing that this gentleman was farting in the meditation. Laughter is healing,

pain and tension disappeared instantly. The teacher asked who could not stop laughing

should leave the hall, many were controlled, but the man was quite swollen and

continued. Who should have gone was him. Laughter was further test in learning self-

control.

A Sufi story tells of a king who was a manic depressive. He got angry or happiness

quickly became disappointment and despair. One day the king got tired of being like

this and made call to the wise man from kingdom that has reputedly illuminated. When

presented with the sage, the king said: "I want to be like you. Could you give me

something to bring balance, serenity and wisdom into my life? I'll pay whatever you

ask". The sage replied: "I can probably help you, but the price is so high that it would

not be enough to pay your entire kingdom for it. So, I'll make a gift, as long as you do

worth it". The king promised he would be wise. A few weeks the sage come back and

gave the king a chest of carved jade. When opened, the king found only a gold ring in

which it had written some words. The inscription said: "This also shall pass" King asked

for an explanation. And the wise man said: "Take this ring and always before you

qualify any event as good or bad, touches the ring and read the inscription. That way

you will always be in peace". Everything pass, good and bad, tears and laughter, even

human existence and this body representing us at this time.

Day 6

The mind was taking everything out. Years of TV in my younger days was passing me

the bill. Homer Simpson was saying, "I'm bored". I saying: "I wil stay quiet," like

Chavo del Ocho "Now coy", "We will not think of anything", "Not a word", "Nothing at

all", "A complete mental silence", "Mouth shut", " No nonsense start thinkinh eh!" And

Don Ramon "shut up!" Shot him! "Pim! Pipipipipipipipipí" (Chavo del Ocho's crying).

And me frustrated.

Also some babies I saw in youtube that they were brothers and talked "Tatatatata!" And

the other replied almost the same but with different intonation, suddenly everything was

"Tatatatata" And the picture of a baby with me at the time.

Of course hormones were playing with me, I was a little uneasy with me and to other

people, judging them by their appearance and behavior. Labeling them rare, as I thought

one was "little chicken" a little bit slow in her movements, no light, no energy to eat.

According to me, she had some sort of problem moving, because I saw her walking in a

way that was not natural. At the end, the one walking and the one eating were two

different women, as I tried not to look at them I did not notice their faces, just saw the

same body and the same hair, found no differences in clothing. When I noticed I

stopped my judgmental about them, did not know which was which and I was not

interested either, was automatically put people in a "kind of person" in my book. Very

decentralized, very mediocre.

Judgments about myself were much more severe, I spoke on bad terms: "This is not

working, you are so crazy, your mind might not stop a minute, is a sick mind. My mind

hates me, does not want me be good, I hate myself" Stop! I thought, "I'm not like that, I

love myself... This must be so HORMONES" and ta ta tan… Indeed, within a few hours

I realized that another period had come to me with a lot of pain, but with much relief,

more happy that, slowly slowly, I know me better.

It scares me that about hormones, how can determine ourselves, especially to women.

Tasty endorphins, melatonin, dopamine, pheromones, estrogen, testosterone, cortisone

and many glands causing havoc in our Beings, scared me. Now with meditation, I take

it better, because beyond nutrition, a good exercise routine and stress hygiene, is the

reconnection which maintains health, rebind (Pure inner religion), the union with

nature, that feeling where you want to hug a tree and you are filled with endorphins that

make you well, such as exercise, dancing, laughter and love the person who appreciates

it, as loving yourself.

I believe the best exercise, useful and smart learning is to love ourselves, harmonic

oneself pleasing love songs, greeting the mirror and smile. Dealing with mistakes,

without blame, but rather, I'll do it better next time, because now I know, I learned.

Learn to reward achievement, being a lover of life.

Day 7

I dreamed my friend Lucía, who worked at the airport in customer service with me. In

the dream she was selling coffee, I was thinking: “How bad is the situation that we must

sell coffee as well? By the way, was more entertaining”. It was cold in the airport is a

very large space, saw her wearing coat. Also in the dream was the character who I

called "Fucker" when I reminded.

That day in meditation I had very clear, what I call "The channel of rage" very tense.

Once, when I was working in the customer service in the airport, a guy came from afar

claiming until he came to me, expressing his belief that I was improperly installed there

that I had to be with all the stand outside the tube, because he needed the information

before enter the airport, that I had to talk to my boss and ask them to change the entire

physical structure and the concept of my positioning, where I should be giving

information. Then I did not speak, because over the years I learned to save energy and

saliva, I only did head signal as "No". The guy was so angry with my immutability, he

made a sign with his hand while he was leaving and that was enough to make the stress

departed from my waist, along the entire spine on the right side until climbed up to the

neck, where stayed for about two seconds and then released me, leaving me with a

headache that stay until I got home.

That's how was baptized the channel of rage, because I'm not immutable, I am very

perceptive, empathetic, patient, but intolerant and although I was not agressive in any

way, my mental and emotional health was cooked in negative rubbish radioactive of

seasonings powerless. When seemingly can not do anything, either with people, nature

or whatever, I do not give up, but sometimes you need a truce. It's useless waste energy

sometimes to get a result, when best to retire to observe both oneself as the situation or

the other, in order to prepare a strategy, a plan of attack seriously. When you are in the

middle without escape, it's time to defend, sometimes you can use the energy against us

to deflect against what is attacking us. No need to hurt, sometimes frightening is

enough. Of course the ultimate test, stay calm.

I feel I have a lot of peace, but also that I have become very intolerant of people or

things that try to remove peace from me. One day a lady on the bus, which I was about

to step on, I even managed to put my foot there and not step on her, when I touch her

foot I said: "I'm sorry" she made as she'll start to complain against me and I shouted her

energetic: "I'm sorry", all staring at me on the bus. I felt to be the scream of Munch.

My head was still going backwards, sideways and down, I thought I was tired because I

was not sleeping too much, but was not that. Trying to be meditating lying in my bed,

always mindful of not falling asleep. I set the feet over the pillows, to leave theme

height and I got more blood to the head, but then my right knee was also on sideways. I

was within the spiral, a Frisbee.

Day 8

Meditating in bed, I fell asleep. Upon awakening I had to run to the bathroom but

carefully, I was draining. Very severe, like a cleansing. I felt very strange, bloated head,

as if I heard the shells of sea and could hear constantly, thought I was more perceptive

to the blood behind my ears. Very perceptive to my body, especially the fluid, nothing

to do, I'm female.

Very connected, in a new state, strange, sleeping less, but vibrating in alpha. When I go

to sleep, sometimes I can remember what I dreamed the night before, although I didn't

remember upon all day. Is like a dream memory that comes back to me when I'm in

alpha, it happens that sometimes situations in the day time bring me a dream memory.

Platitudes and situations that are repeated in different sets. With the breathing came the

awareness that each breath is nourishment of life, is to eat the breath of God Mother

Father, the Word that makes things be, the first and the last, who is and who was and

who will be, in my case arrived, was installed super comfortable, knew I was waiting.

I feel it in me and in all things, if I look at the moon I see the rainbow aura,

concentrating is like stepping into that aura expanding are two faced cariodes fractals

one in front the other forming an 8, the infinity sign, the moon amid, an energy sphere

with a navel, with its center as this torus we have aura field. On both sides of the sign

infinity (or top to bottom or bottom to top) rays which pass the made donut shape.

When I put my eyes crossed it projects fractal vision, Inguz runa shaped, resembling

two serpents braiding, as a DNA sequence, parallel spirals. Whenever I concentrate I am

within the spiral, I can be in both directions, turn to the side and the other, like a shell, a

pineapple, a sunflower. Where do we turn? Which side is the good? There is no good or

bad, both are extremes of the same thing. It comes to me then Lucifer conclusion.

Hermes gave their knowledge (Hermetic) about all laws governing the universe. The

book "Tao Te Ching" is what best relates, to me, about what God is. I read that book

little girl and was very clear because it is very simple.

In the "Kibalión" says: "The universe is mental, nothing is still, everything vibrates, as

above so below, everything is dual, everything has two poles, natural equal but opposite

extremes in their degree, everything ebbs and flows, there are times back and forth,

winter and summer, every cause has its effect, and the generation". That is fixing things,

because history repeats itself, appears to be a circle, but something changes, something

that moves and is a spiral, as often shrinks and enlarges, as Fibonacci. Fibonacci, who

I’m a fan as well.

What if after they are three? If not just two poles? Are two columns abiding?

The harmony of perfect mathematics makes it better than anyone combing with

numbers.

Between that state thanks for the information, the excitement, the presence, the memory

of dreams with the fallen angel, whom I believe I have a good relationship, for all this, I

remembered a dream, I dreamed that the devil was a little girl, who was scared to face

the world because everybody will hate her. I told her everything will be ok, I was going

to protect her, I would give my love and that everything had a solution. She was crying.

Was the illusion of Satan and evil too.

People who plan wars and move the drug business for the purpose of obtaining money,

people who torture, even among several men who rape women unit kill her, who buy

women like things, paedophiles can feel excitement with the body of a child, is sick

people in his mind are wrong, perhaps such behaviour ends abruptly with a microscopic

lobotomy extracting neurons exactly the connection that shorting. The "evil" does not

exist as such. In nature there is no evil. There is life and death, putrefaction and

nutrition, decay and regeneration, there are bacteria and parasites, all goes according to

the "code of discipline and behaviour" is not good birth and death is not bad, are what

they are. How will this be, I've seen the devil? In the eyes, red like fire. I saw it, "in my

young times" where my hormones wreaked havoc, disrupted my whole perception of

reality became dark and strange situations were created and followed to show the

darkest of myself, my own fear of emptiness, disconnection absolute maximum

ignorance that evil is not such. Because God is love, and even the worst of beings who

have gone through this Planet, Love in perfect love can forgive. Lucifer was forgiven

quickly, but we decided to tell a story, because we really like the stories, we are curious.

Children always, we love that cajole us with fantasy, poetry, sweets, gifts, fireworks,

well told stories dramatized and loud, we laugh.

The bad thing are the writers of ancient times, the only good thing: "And they lived

happily, ever after" the favourite of many.

Time to sleep, good night! But I'm not sleepy! I keep telling the story to myself of what

happened after ever after? And as sometimes we children are afraid of things you not

understand, we can generate fears as absurd as "fear of the darkness". The reality is

sometimes generated on very stupid beliefs. Years of wars or wars of years. Televised

Stoning of Women? On the basis of what? Tradition? Religion? Nooo! "What happens

is that in those countries ..." What countries?

There is a kind of eclipse that casts the shadow of the moon on Earth, passing through

Europe, the Balkans, Kosovo, South Asia and Middle East. Is that this area is "damn"?

That as the moon affects the tides, growth and lunatics. Also can do it with the

werewolves? We like the stories and the mind is powerful and "All is mind".

I say I saw something black shapeless, but with two red eyes looking at me, under a

furniture, as a cat hiding. When darkness seeking to make palpable, light can too. It was

the time I saw shadows of light and felt the peace and like a menthol feeling which

cleanses, purifies and expands. I was scared, then trust, I have always been aware of the

presence only that I thought it was out side me.

As a child I was ashamed to go to the bathroom or take a shower, it was something

watching me, the illusion of separation. The presence is me or I am. Everything else is

history.

Lucifer plays a role, is the bearer of light, the closest to God, the antagonist, opposite

hand, to make things be. If we lived in complete harmony loving on ecstasy. Would

need a physical existence? Bearer of Light gives us knowledge, let us look bare and

with the first impression we got scared, we got layers and layers to not recognize us,

ignoring our primary essence. The snake slithered creeping, Kundalini, sex is sacred,

that gives the miracle of life, became meaningless carnal without love meaning. If we'd

followed blindly in the light, dazzled happy, but without knowing what was it or that we

where there. We have known the densest darkness, that way through free will,

voluntarily and each of us as an individual being say, "Father, be your will, not mine."

Day 9

Matthew 16: 25 "For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life

for me sake shall find it." (The Bible ... God!) Eternal life we already have it with are

little soul and integrated into the Great Soul. The physical body is preserved better with

a vibrating in alpha brain, that secretes more endorphins and melatonin, a body that

does not consume junk, a peace that goes from the inside out. Just keeping the stress

that is natural, which serves the animals to flee when they need it, such as "Watch a tree

over your head!" or "the bus is coming!" Disease free, without eating, drinking or

sleeping, because only provides the breathing, eight hours more per day to read or do

whatever, living in flesh Perfection, in a cave warm enough, perfect transiting on the

Earth perfect evolution.

Someone told me the story of the Yogi who had a perfect record and a day don't not

know what happened, was cool meditating, but he moved it seems he was not vipassana,

scratched his forehead, felt his mistake, he looked at his fingers and gold dust, had

killed a moth, so he had to reincarnate again.

That day after lunch I went to sing and kill flowers, the manager quickly came to wiggle

her head in signal of "No" and with finger beckoning. I felt big "sancara" (useless

emotion of something you want or do not like) of shame, but I liked to take me the

emotion of shame, guilt and repentance, and transmute. All negative emotions are

released through forgiveness.

I said before that in my experience the forgiveness just comes, it's not something that

can be forced. One day I saw something that remind me a memory of someone with I

had not healed many things. I was very angry with me, how I was because this person,

who pushed all my buttons and got the worst of me. Excellent because I did work hard,

but in the end, we lost relationship, lost touch, but never the time, the experience is

invaluable.

I went to the memory and filled me with rage even if it was in another time, in another

space, I was just in my mind. So it was also mentally remembering something beautiful

that this person made for me, I felt love and shed the bad memories, which I can go

again and keep saying that was unfair, that I was dumb, but I do not feel bad, because I

loved and I love, I choose not to forget that person, but I choose to forget and dissolve

resentment.

With every breath I consciously full of Love, when exhaling what I forget, put out and

dissolve. Also go further, inhale Love and I exhale Love and expand Love, connection,

conscious breathing and constant. How to focus on something else?

You can walk and chew gum. I imagine the day when we educate this generation on this

knowledge and successfully we'll move to that state of perfection. Would we need to

learn more? Would we need the human experience? Or if the family who cares for us

and watches us behind the veil will come and say, "One two three already! to be aware"

the 144,000 or as many they'll be begin to vibrate with awareness without sleep and

who is not aware they couldn't go to sleep, they would forget to breathe and they come

to sudden death.

Would eliminate the Bushs and Henry Kissingers of this Planet so easily. I do not know

if it would be possible, I see that the cells die and regenerate new, healthy ones I think

can maintain healthy tissue around it, and diseased cells have their expiration dates, a

matter of time.

I experimented spasms as strong, leaping in through meditation. Feeling rotating and

rotating each cell, and the galaxy is also a cell like all rotating around its center.

Between waking and sleep came the word "Tekel" the balance of God. Everything is

governed by physical laws in this material world, in the immaterial world everything

has its law to where nothing escapes.

I always remember the story of Job and I like to talk about it with my Jehovah's Witness

friends, I ask: "Why if Job was so good, God allowed Satan to play with him and make

him go through so much pain?" They say that this insures that Job is good because loves

God and not just because God is good to him. Job then was always faithful to his faith,

that took him out of suffering and heaven on earth was given, with a long and

prosperous life.

Again, almost fable like I found so entertaining the Bible, the devil in the middle,

causing the free will of each and decide to stand firm on Goodness.

I want to share a moment of wisdom, a book of C. Pastorino Torres called "Minutes of

Wisdom" This small pocket book, my mom gave it to me. I use instant messaging with

relatives behind the veil, always tells me exactly what I have to read, or if I go again on

another day I get the same thing, I laugh and I feel that they also laugh, they feel my

gratitude. The passage is 215 and reads:

Do not be sad! Found the consolation that heaven gives receiving pain with patience

and love.

If the person you love more than anyone else, rather than yourself, was ungrateful to

you, do not be sad: asks the Father to accompany each day and make this person

happier.

Give to the Father, who is infinitely sympathetic, all the people you love and love theme

you too.

(Beautiful, in fact, I thought of writing it, I put a little paper and I lost the paper. This

morning I opened the book and read a little message I needed on another page. Now

writing and I remembered I wanted to write this here, I didn't remember the number of

the page or the passage and made a little gesture of ups! But I opened the book right

there. My being laughs and the Being laughs too)

I did not want to sleep, but as it was easy to sleep as it was a state that become a bit

mixed. I lay on my bed with feet in height and was doing well, a calm mind, feeling my

being inside and outside. I began to dream, was in the driveway of my friend's home,

with whom I lived at that time, at the entrance to the house there was a fire alarm, just

out of the kitchen, every time we burned the food was a scandal. Then I dreamed it was

all dark and very loud alarm sounded, I could not see anything so I fumbled in the dark

to find the switch on the wall , I could not and I was a bit desperate, because I wanted to

see but it was all black, when switch on, the light, I awoke up.

What an impression, the alarm was a bird whistling outside. I had slept without wanting

to sleep and as Goenka says: "We are never unconscious" Even when we are sleeping,

we are feeling outside stimuli, your body feels sounds, smells, sensations, as when you

get wet the bed and dream that you are in warm sea. Do not wanna talk about it.

Day 10

There was no radio or anything but all the time I had music in my head and the last day

on waking, Nino Bravo sang "Free" (Libre) as the sun dawns I am free. I was so happy

with my experience these ten days, but the morning meditation was terrible.

One morning in pain, a feeling of despair in the time of strong determination, without

moving. Tears came I had an idea that I was not thinking that thought, but I was

generating a sense ugly. About what was the importance, if we all were dying in the end

is the same, that mattered become as wise and aware if perhaps others are not interested

in anything and generations continue destroying the planet, feeling miserable and doing

half effort because "Why to do anything else? If things have been always like this”.

In a book that I love, that my dad gave me "The Importance of Living" by Lin Yutang,

talks about many important things and in a passage about the views of humanity,

speaking of some old women referred to life as "some women calved us and we'll calve

another ones" that simple. That for some Chinese the goal of life is that your children

and grandchildren do not ashamed too much. What people!

Then meditation torture finished and I left the hall, wiping my tears, to the bathroom to

wash my face, and I went to pee. The feeling is gone, but the questions that it has to be

imperfect reality to be lived and if one comes to light, is that the end of the dream? It

will drop all this staging, the curtain opens once expanding greatness of soul. That's

going to leave more expensive. I took off from here and I go there, if I adhere

completely there, I'm not here. I'm here and there at the same time, that's the work.

Another story, this one from my childhood. "Seraphim, bread crumbs" A poor boy, who

was so good, so good, it became angel and did not know how to deal with the halo and

the feathers of his wings. He began to make mischief, but they crossed the line and

started to came out horns and tail. He apologized for his behavior, I think he blamed

adolescence and hormones and returned to being who he was, a preteen kinder, but for

the rest of his life washed his teeth improperly, just in case, for not reach absolute

perfection.

Guilt and forgiveness, the meanings of the words are out there. The feelings and

emotions that we provide are learning. Feeling on the service to the Planet and not think

that this place is on our service. The animals and nature are my motivation, they are part

of the Being, they might also pray when they feel plenitude. As my friend Violeta Parra

sings: "Even so fierce animal whispers his sweet trill" (Hasta el feróz animal, susurra su

dulce trino). The animals love their offspring, they love humans when relate well, they

love nature, better than many of us, because they recognize themselves part of it. So my

service is to the Earth and everything that it contains, whether I like or dislike, and is

just about that.

"Metta"

Face washed with pure heart and Let's go atoms! No need to be too expensive, it costs

me nothing.

Relaxed, stabilized and can feel the spiral to the side and to the other, without feeling

out of control. Feeling the vibration of each section of my being My heartbeat, my heart

pumping and blood step by step through my veins, to the tips of all my fingers, with

pace, pulsing and throbbing.

Light in my head, eyes closed, Love without fear, without resentment or convictions,

with all my memories released. A closed eyes I slightly turned my head to my heart, I

looked with new eyes and I saw him, as I say with affection Jesus Christ Superstar,

looking from a little bit below with his face in 3D inside his tripartite flame (blue, pink

and gold) very comfortable in my heart.

I opened my eyes this time tears of joy fell, the absolute Peace is mine.

As the Course in Miracles: "This is my Son, and all I have belongs to him" And I say: "I

give this holy instant, be you who runs, because I just want to follow you, sure you give

me your Peace" (Continued very beautiful, is the final lesson of the course).

I left and walked through the woods all me made an energy rainbow ball, I say: "Father,

please, please let me stay like this forever, that I always remember this feeling" And

said: "While you feel your breathing and your heart beating you'll know. If you are not

breathing and your heart is not beating you are again with me" Now I feel every atom

and every cell, is my experience, is what I sought and I learned. Thank you.

My best wishes and sincere, that your experience and learn through life be full of Being,

wake up your Self, which is also mine.

I know you benefit even if you do not know. I love you, through the Being in Me. If you

feel down or without spirits can come to me for I'll say: "Do not be silly, how could you

think that? Ha!" You are from Earth and Light, you contain everything, you can

everything. There are no limits. Don’t tell you stories.

Live your life with skill, that every moment can be a holy instant.

I love you. Light, Peace and colours for you.

Neistlein A. Martinich Geerdts.

PS: The name of my guardian angel. I always thought "Umabel" meant "God above all

things," but one day googleing I found another meaning, "the encounter with God"

"Communion with God”. It is done. Thank you.

Acknowledgements:

To my family and my friends. To my enemies too. My pets and nature in general.

To Silvia Freire, Louise Hay, Lin Yutang and everyone who takes the time to examine

our lives and sharing learning.

To all those who work in the Vipassana Meditation Centre Dhanma Dipa and all centers

around the world.

To the other family behind the veil that await patiently and confidently, our learning and

our joy.

Thank you!