A Critique of Riverside Press-Enterprise HeadlinesBy Peter EriksonMonday, Feb. 25, 2008

EXAMPLE 1Thursday, Feb. 14, 2008 editionPage A1Original Headline:"Mexico president says U.S. shouldn'tclose its doors to immigrant workers"Explanation: Attribution should be at end of headline; top deck has a bad split;Calderon is speaking more about California than the U.S.New Headline:"Immigrant workers enrich California,Mexico's president tells legislators"Summation: New headline provides some context, as Calderon made thestatement while addressing state legislators at the Capitol.

EXAMPLE 2Thursday, Feb. 14, 2008 editionPage A3Original Headline:"Pastor: IRS probesHuckabee support"Explanation: Headline sounds as if all Huckabee supporters are beinginvestigated; use "probe" sparingly; in this case, it's not necessary to point out hatthe pastor is delivering the news — he's using the press to his advantage.New Headline:"IRS flags pastor'sHuckabee support"Summation: Point out that the pastor is calling attention to the case in the drop.

EXAMPLE 3Friday, Feb. 15, 2008Page B5Original Headline:"Slaying of man atpot farm is justified"Explanation: Bad break; "officer" is not used; headline is stating a fact instead ofreporting the news.New Headline:"4 officers clearedin pot farm slaying"Drop Head: "Unidentified gunman killed in September shooting in Lytle Creek."

EXAMPLE 4Thursday, Feb. 14, 2008Page A3Original Headline:"Tax rebatescoming tofilers, others"Explanation: Bad break; no need to say "filers, others."New Headline:"Tax rebatesto hit mailfor millions"Summation: This head fills out all three lines and adds that millions will benefit. Italso adds a little alliteration to the piece.

EXAMPLE 5Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2008Original Headline:"Man who threw torso in trash begins jail term"Explanation: Headline is accurate, but story never explains that the woman's bodywas literally ripped apart by the impact, sending only the torso into the man's backseat. Torso could also mean part of a sculpture; "mutilated body" has far moreimpact.New Headline:"Man who trashed mutilated body starts jail term"The Story: First two graphs say: "A Rialto man began serving nine months in jailThursday for dumping a torso into a trash bin after his vehicle struck a 48-year-oldwoman who had been walking in the fast lane of Interstate in Colton."Lawrence Chico Jr., 22, was driving 70 mph shortly before midnight on April 21,2006, when he struck Pamela Lee Williams-Hardy, a homeless mother of two whohad a history of seizures."Summation: Aside from being too long, the lead doesn't tell us to whom the torsobelongs or if the woman who was struck on the interstate was killed. The storycontains little background, necessitating a check of the archives to make sense ofthe tragedy. In the second graph, it's not clear what her seizure problem has to dowith walking in the fast lane. It should also point out her children are grown.Better: "A Rialto man who disposed of the mutilated body of a pedestrian whomhe struck, and killed, while driving in the fast lane on Interstate 10 in Colton beganserving a nine-month jail term Tuesday."Lawrence Chico Jr., 22, was driving 70 mph shortly before midnight on April 21,2006, when he hit Pamela Lee Williams-Hardy, 48, a homeless mother of twogrown children."

Example 6Wednesday, Feb. 20Page B7Original Headline:"E-mail by councilman stirs openness concerns"Explanation: "Openness" is pretty vague.New Headline:"Councilman's e-mail prompts free-speech concerns"