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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back to The elderly gentleman went back to the doctor after a month and the the doctor after a month and the doctor said, doctor said, 'Your hearing is 'Your hearing is perfect... Your family must be really perfect... Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.‘pleased that you can hear again.‘

The gentleman replied, The gentleman replied, 'Oh, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.I haven't told my family yet.I just sit around and listen to the I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my conversations. I've changed my will three times!'will three times!'

A group of old men from a retirement centre were sitting on a A group of old men from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench when one of them turns to the other and says: bench when one of them turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 'Slim, I'm 83

years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?''Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.''Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were

playing cards when one looked at the other and said,

"Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please, tell me think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please, tell me what your name is!"what your name is!"Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" "How soon do you need to know?"

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. A senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.

Please be careful!" Please be careful!" "Heck," "Heck," said Herman, said Herman, "It's not just "It's not just oneone car. It's hundreds of them!" car. It's hundreds of them!"

Hospital regulations require a Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, a student discharged. However, a student nurse, found one elderly nurse, found one elderly gentleman already dressed and gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted heat his feet, who insisted hedidn't need my help to leave didn't need my help to leave the hospital. the hospital. After a chat about rules being After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let the nurse rules, he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator. wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down the nurse On the way down the nurse asked him if his wife was asked him if his wife was

meeting him.meeting him.'I don't know,''I don't know,' he said. he said. 'She's still upstairs in the 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

One day an 82 year-old One day an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor man, went to the doctor

to get a physical.to get a physical.

A few days later, he went to the A few days later, he went to the doctor again with a gorgeous doctor again with a gorgeous

young woman on his arm. young woman on his arm. The doctor got up to meet the The doctor got up to meet the

old man and said, old man and said, 'You're really 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' doing great, aren't you?'

The old man replied, The old man replied, 'Just doing 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot

mamma and be cheerful.''mamma and be cheerful.''The doctor said, The doctor said, 'I didn't say 'I didn't say

that... that... I said, I said, 'You've got a heart 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'murmur; be careful.'

A senior couple are both having problems A senior couple are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the remembering things. During a checkup, the

doctor tells them that they're physically doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing okay, but they might want to start writing

things down to help them rememberthings down to help them remember... ...

Later that night, while watching TV, the old Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything 'Want anything

while I'm in the kitchen?' while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?''Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'  'Sure..''Sure..'  'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she suggests.she suggests.  'No, I can remember it.''No, I can remember it.'  'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?''Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?'  He says, He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.''I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'  'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she adds.she adds.  Irritated, he says, Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'  Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,  The old man returns from the kitchen The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs......... and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs......... She stares at the plate for a moment. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?''Where's my toast ?'

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to her foot in and pauses. She yells to

the two other sisters downstairs, the two other sisters downstairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94-year-old yells back, The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't "I don't know. I'll come up and see."know. I'll come up and see." She She

starts up the stairs and pauses starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I "Was I going up the stairs or down?"going up the stairs or down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting in the living room having tea, listening to her The 92-year-old is sitting in the living room having tea, listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, sisters, she shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that "I sure hope I never get that

forgetful, knock on wood."forgetful, knock on wood." at the same time thumping her walking stick on at the same time thumping her walking stick on the wooden floor. the wooden floor.

She then yells, She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." the door."

A group of elderly friends had dinner at another couple's house, and after A group of elderly friends had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the ladies left the table and went into the kitchen.eating, the ladies left the table and went into the kitchen.The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.' new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?''What is the name of the restaurant?'  

The first man thought and thought The first man thought and thought and finally said, and finally said, 'What is the name of 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you that flower you give to someone you love?...love?...    you know, the one that's red you know, the one that's red

and has thorns.'and has thorns.'  

Do you mean a rose?'Do you mean a rose?'Yes, that's the one,' Yes, that's the one,' replied the replied the

man. He then turned towards the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelledkitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's , 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we the name of that restaurant we

went to last night?'went to last night?'

That’s it folks.