HardwoodParoxysm 2012 Season Preview

7/31/2019 HardwoodParoxysm 2012 Season Preview

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Letter From The Editor Emeritus

What you're about to read... is fucking awesome.

It really is. If you love basketball, and you do, because if you didn't, why would you be reading this, it's got the stuff you

crave. Stats, analysis, philosophy, meanderings, fictional renderings, it is everything Hardwood Paroxysm has been over

five years, condensed into one publication.

This season in the NBA has somehow raised the bar. 2011 was a phenomenal year, with the Heat in their first run, the

Lakers entering as a champion and leaving in shambles, the Spurs' transition to speedball, the Thunder's rise to

relevance, and the Mavericks' phenomenal validation of so many careers. 2012 was under the shadow of the lockout, a

scorched-earth reality in which only the strongest, the Heat, survived.

But this season? You have Durant entering his zenith, Rose returning from injury, the Heat looking to repeat with LeBron

in Shiva mode. You have the Lakers as an unstoppable battleship and Boston as the kind of savvy team that fans fall in

love with.

And yet, at Paroxysm, we always want to talk about the lesser teams. Andre Drummond living up to potential in Detroit.

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist hustlejunking his way to rebounds and stat-filling on a terrible Charlotte team. Klay Thompson

from the perimeter, Ilyasova in the post. Lillard on the break. We're about youth and about upside and about basketball,

always, always, always.

I hope you enjoy this publication as much as we've enjoyed writing it. So, like, kind of.

I want to thank Eric Maroun for his help in organizing the publication of this document and Maddison Bond for his

illustrations to bring the spirit of the site to life. I want to thank Jared Dubin and Amin Vafa, co-Editors-in-Chief for

helping with keeping this thing on a timeline and solving logistical issues.

But mostly I want to thank our extremely talented and hardworking staff for committing to this project. I never thought

we'd be able to pull off something like this, and it's a testament to their work ethic that you're reading it now.

With that, enjoy the 2012 Hardwood Paroxysm Season Preview.

Best,

Matt Moore

Editor Emeritus

Hardwood Paroxysm


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Table of Contents

Guide to the Preview .............................................................................................................................................................. 4

Atlanta Hawks ......................................................................................................................................................................... 5

Boston Celtics .......................................................................................................................................................................... 9

Brooklyn Nets ........................................................................................................................................................................ 13

Charlotte Bobcats.................................................................................................................................................................. 17Chicago Bulls ......................................................................................................................................................................... 21

Cleveland Cavaliers ............................................................................................................................................................... 24

Dallas Mavericks ................................................................................................................................................................... 29

Denver Nuggets ..................................................................................................................................................................... 33

Detroit Pistons ...................................................................................................................................................................... 38

Golden State Warriors .......................................................................................................................................................... 43

Roundtable Intermission Rookie Edition ........................................................................................................................... 46

Houston Rockets ................................................................................................................................................................... 49

Indiana Pacers ....................................................................................................................................................................... 53

Los Angeles Clippers .............................................................................................................................................................. 57

Los Angeles Lakers ................................................................................................................................................................ 60

Memphis Grizzlies ................................................................................................................................................................. 64

Miami Heat............................................................................................................................................................................ 68

Milwaukee Bucks .................................................................................................................................................................. 72

Minnesota Timberwolves ..................................................................................................................................................... 75

New Orleans Hornets ............................................................................................................................................................ 79

New York Knicks .................................................................................................................................................................... 82

Roundtable Intermission ....................................................................................................................................................... 86

Oklahoma City Thunder ........................................................................................................................................................ 89

Orlando Magic ....................................................................................................................................................................... 93

Philadelphia 76ers ................................................................................................................................................................. 96

Phoenix Suns ....................................................................................................................................................................... 100

Portland Trail Blazers .......................................................................................................................................................... 104

Sacramento Kings ................................................................................................................................................................ 107

San Antonio Spurs ............................................................................................................................................................... 112

Toronto Raptors .................................................................................................................................................................. 115

Utah Jazz ............................................................................................................................................................................. 118

Washington Wizards ........................................................................................................................................................... 124

HP Season Predictions - Team ............................................................................................................................................ 128

HP Season Predictions Individual ..................................................................................................................................... 129

Contributors ........................................................................................................................................................................ 130


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Guide to the Preview

1. Each teams final 2011-12 record and division finish.

2. Each teams current owner, general manager, and

coach.

3. Each teams stats and league rankings for the 2011-

12 season. Ranks of 1-10 in a statistical category are

colored green, 11-20 are colored black, and 21-30

are colored red. Stats preceded by Own reflect a teams

offensive possessions. Stats preceded by Opp reflect a

teamsopponents possessions. All numbers are

courtesy ofHoopData.com. Stat definitions:

a. Offensive Efficiency: Points scored per 100

possessions.

b. Defensive Efficiency: Points allowed per 100

possessions.

c. eFG: Effective Field Goal Percentage; a weighted

efficiency metric adjusted for three pointers.

d. FTR: Free Throw Rate; Calculated as free throws

attempted/field goals attempted.

e. TOR: Turnover Rate; Percentage of possessions ending in a turnover.

f. ORR: Offensive Rebound Rate; Percentage of offensive rebounds grabbed by a team.

4. Free Agents Signed includes the players previous team in parentheses. Free Agents Lost includes the

players new team for 2012-13. Draft Picks includes a players draft position.

5. Each teams salary obligations through the 2016-17 season. All salary figures are courtesy of HoopsHype.com and

StorytellersContracts.info, and players are listed at each position in order of the teams projected depth chart. Note:

Salaries and depth chart information is accurate as of posting, but may change when roster cuts are made on 10/29.

Additionally, each team will have a section titled Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketball which addresses an

overarching question surrounding the team along with a selection of three of the following ten sections:

Perhaps I Can Help You With That Hump. What Hump? A description of hurdles facing the team

Freakish Numbers And I Don't Mean That Dirty Number 8 An odd or interesting stat about the team

Doomsday Vs. Manna From HeavenEach teams best case and worst case scenarios for the upcoming year

Ask Not For Whom The Bell Trolls, It's Trollin' For...A rant about a player or coach who may be SOL

Mystery Statistics Theater A blind statistical comparison between a player on the team and another NBA player

Jesus Christ Your Team Sucks A highlighting of the worst aspect about a teamI Had A Dream Last Night And It Looked Just Like A Dream A bizarre occurrence that would change the team

Listen All Y'all This Is Sabotage - Were not saying this player/coach/exec. is a double-agent, but if he were...

MVM: Most Valuable MemeAnything that the team or a player on the team does which could become a meme

The Transcendent and WonderfulA highlighting ofa certain player on a team in a unique way

We hope that you enjoy the preview, and please let any of us on the staff know if you have any corrections to it.
http://www.basketball-reference.com/http://www.basketball-reference.com/


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Atlanta Hawks

(40-26, 2nd

in Southeast)

2011-12 STATISTICSOff

Eff

Def

Eff

Own

eFG

Opp

eFG

Own

FTR

Opp

FTR

Own

TOR

Opp

TOR

Own

ORR

Opp

ORRStat 102.4 98.6 50.02 48.00 25.9 24.7 13.39 14.38 23.87 25.63

Rank 14th 6th 8th 10th 21st 6th 12th 6th

26th 7th

OFF-SEASON RECAPFree Agents - Signed Free AgentsLost Draft Picks Trades

Lou Williams (PHI) Jason Collins (BOS) John Jenkins (23rd) Acquired Anthony Morrow, Jordan Farmar,

Jordan Williams, DeShawn Stevenson,

Johan Petro, and a 2017 second-round pick

from Brooklyn for Joe Johnson.

Acquired Devin Harris from Utah for

Marvin Williams. Acquired the rights to Sofoklis Schortsaniti

from LA Clippers for Willie Green.

Acquired Kyle Korver from Chicago for a

trade exception and cash considerations.

Kirk Hinrich (CHI) Mike Scott (43rd)

Jannero Pargo (WAS)

Vladimir Radmanovic

(CHI)

Jerry Stackhouse

(BRK)

POINT GUARD - SALARIES

Player 2012-13 2013-14 2014-15 2015-16 2016-17 Total

Jeff Teague $2,433,077 $3,469,568 $0 $0 $0 $2,433,077

Devin Harris $8,500,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $8,500,000

SHOOTING GUARD SALARIES

Anthony Morrow $4,000,000 $4,000,000

Lou Williams $5,000,000 $5,225,000 $5,450,000 $0 $0 $15,675,000

John Jenkins $1,204,560 $1,258,800 $1,312,920 $2,228,025 $3,241,776 $6,004,305

James Anderson $854,389 $0 $0 $0 $0 $854,389

SMALL FORWARD SALARIES

Kyle Korver $5,000,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $5,000,000

DeShawn Stevenson $2,240,450 $2,240,450 $2,240,450 $0 $0 $7,621,350

POWER FORWARD SALARIES

Josh Smith $13,200,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $13,200,000

Jordan Williams $762,195 $884,293 $0 $0 $0 $1,646,488

CENTER - SALARIES

Al Horford $12,000,000 $12,000,000 $12,000,000 $12,000,000 $0 $48,000,000

Zaza Pachulia $5,248,750 $0 $0 $0 $0 $5,248,750

Johan Petro $3,500,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $3,500,000

2012-2013 Salary: $61,524,831 2012-13 Salary Cap: $58,044,000 OVER Salary Cap By: $3,480,831

MANAGEMENTOwner GM Coach

Michael Gearon Danny Ferry Larry Drew


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Atlanta Hawks

2012-13 Season Preview

Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketball by Amin Vafa

The Hawks underwent a HUMONGOUS change this summer. Joe Johnson wasn't just the iconic face of the franchise for

the past seven years, but he was also the proud recipient of the second-largest contract in the NBA (#1 belongs to Mr.

Bean, of course). And look, I like Joe. I really do. But he embodied the thing that was off with this Hawks team for so

many years: they were good, but they weren't good enough. They plateaued at 4th-best in the East, and a lot of that

(good and bad) was due to Joe Johnson.

Danny Ferry came in as the new GM this summer and, after 5 years hanging around in the middle of the Eastern

conference, Ferry decided to go for it: trade Johnson, get worse, make the team more flexible so it could get better and

form a more cohesive core. Except that didn't exactly happen. You see, Danny Ferry made a few more trades. He traded

Marvin Williams for Devin Harris, and he traded (sort of) Kirk Hinrich for Kyle Korver, signed Lou Williams to be a great6th man, and he managed to turn Joe Johnson into (as it stands now) DeShawn Stevenson, Anthony Morrow, and Johan

Petro. Doesn't sound like much, but it was some greatly needed cap relief for JJ.

But the rest of the pickups kind of make the Hawks an exciting team. I mean, at least one with potential. They've been

without a promising point guard forever, essentially. They had Mike Bibby for a spell, but that didn't work out as well as

they'd wanted it to. Jeff Teague did a nice job last year, but he's still young and needs to find his bearings coming off the

bench for a little while longer. Devin Harris is different. He's been an intriguing talent since he went 5th overall to the

Wizards (traded to the Mavericks) in the 2004 draft, but he's turned into something of a journeyman. But pairing him

with shooters like Korver and Morrow on the wings, with smallball-before-it-was-cool-to-be-smallball bruisers like Josh

Smith and Al Horford in the frontcourt? Plus DeShawn Stevenson, a decent shooter and a dogged defender coming offthe bench, along with the aforementioned Sweet Lou Williams?

I was totally prepared for this team to be terrible. Now I'm prepared for it to blow me away. Come on, Hawks. Let's see

what you got.

Listen All Yall This Is Sabotage by Noam Schiller

If you were a double agent trying to subtly destroy the 2009-2012 Hawks from within, how would you do that?

You would have to play very well. You cant gain control without first gaining trust. Perhaps by acting as an incredibly

effective defender, since thats the sort of acumen that often gets lost in mainstream analysis but endears those who

frequent your half-empty arena. You would score a lot so you would win ball-handling duties, and then youd keep the

ball for long possessions, ensuring that you have total control over who else gets a turn.

You would threaten to leave the team for no compensation once you became a free agent. You would remind them

extremely politely, of course, because you love the franchise that you will only stay for a max deal. You will get it,

and cripple the teams cap situation. You will leverage the legitimacy gained by your income into more control over the

offense.


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You would ensure that Jeff Teague doesnt get enough of an opportunity to claim his own control over the fortunes of

the offense, and that Al Horford an elite player that depends on your passes because of what his position dictates

gets just enough touches for you to escape critique, but not enough to lift the team above where you deem fit. You

would teach Josh Smith to shoot more jumpers. You would conveniently disappear in the playoffs, because, hey, we

just played a better team.

Im not saying Joe Johnson was a double agent. But if he were, he would do everything exactly the same. Right down to

making sure the Hawks acquire Johan Petro and DeShawn Stevenson as he left.

Doomsday Vs. Manna From Heaven by Matt Moore

In the earliest cave drawings, Josh Smith was depicted with a spear in one hand and a can of motor oil in the other.

Egyptian hieroglyphs illustrated the Hawks power forward with two heads, one of the serpent and one of the ass.

Roman tablets would later reference a figure known only as the Emperor's Hunter, who could chase down any man or

beast throughout the Empire, but who fell out of favor for routinely getting distracted with other selfish pursuits. And

16th century London folktales tell of a man who would snatch robbers from the night, but in the act of returning the

goods, destroy the victim's homes.

Josh Smith can save the Hawks. Josh Smith can destroy the Hawks.

So it goes, so it has gone, so it shall go.

I find that people's opinion of Josh Smith is dependent more heavily than other players on what precise moment you

catch him in, and the duration. Too much exposure, like radiation, or the stylings of the Black Keys, turns you into a

despondent and downhearted individual. Brief exposure under the right setting, though, and it's like sunlight for your

soul, a veritable cornucopia of post play and devastating cuts. He can dominate in the post as well as LeBron, slice on

and off ball like young Vince Carter, and fill up a stat sheet like his long lost brother in FreeDarkodom Gerald Wallace.

But the jumper. That Goddamn mid-range 18-foot jumper. If Carmelo Anthony's game is wounded by his penchant for

that shot, Smith's is poisoned by it. Its temptation and inefficiency surging through his blood like a toxin mixed in with

the radioactive hulk blood that fuels the rest of his game. If he is able to expunge it, if Jeff Teague is able to bring out the

good in him like Luke Skywalker to Smith's Vader, then the Hawks could be something entirely different. But he won't

though. And in the end, the same will be written of Smith that is always written of him. Josh Smith made the Hawks.

Josh Smith destroyed the Hawks.

Perhaps I Can Help You With That Hump. What Hump? by Sean Highkin

The Hawks biggest hurdle to reaching true relevance isnt their own fault. They just happen to play in the same division

as the Miami Heat. They play in the same conference as the Boston Celtics and Indiana Pacers, too, but its mostly theHeat. This years Hawks team has the same ceiling as every Hawks team of the last half-decadea seed between four

and six and a first or second-round exit, which is a shame because it doesnt do justice to the moves made this summer

by new GM Danny Ferry.

It also doesnt do justice to the how much more fun to watch these Hawks will be than the Iso-Joe bunch. This is a team

that boasts a more liberated Jeff Teague with license to run the offense, a healthy Al Horford down low, Josh Smith in a

contract year (REPEAT: Josh Smith in a contract year!!!!!), and arguably the two best three-point shooters in the NBA in


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Kyle Korver and Anthony Morrow. For the first time in a long time, the phrases This Hawks team is really intriguing and

Im going to be watching a lot of Atlanta games on League Pass are not asking for nervous laughs or blank stares.

But none of it matters, because theres no way this team will give the Heat a scare. Its not a fair standard to hold the

Hawks (or anyone) to, but its the simple, grim reality of the new NBA. By virtue of not having LeBron James and Dwyane

Wade on their team, the Hawks are right back where they started: in the middle of the pack. At least this time, the

march to mediocrity will be enjoyable.


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Boston Celtics

(39-27, 1st

in Atlantic)


Eff

Def

Eff

Own

eFG

Opp

eFG

Own

FTR

Opp

FTR

Own

TOR

Opp

TOR

Own

ORR

Opp

ORRStat 98.9 95.5 49.60 45.21 25.7 28.5 14.74 14.88 19.74 27.58

Rank 24th 2nd 10th 2nd 22nd 20th 25th 4th 30th 20th


Leandro Barbosa

(IND)Ray Allen (MIA) Jared Sullinger (21st)

Acquired Courtney Lee from Houston for

JaJuan Johnson, E'Twaun Moore, Sean

Williams, and a 2013 second-round draft

pick.

Jason Collins (ATL) Marquis Daniels (MIL) Fab Melo (22nd)

Darko Milicic (MIN) Ryan Hollins (LAC) Kris Joseph (51st)

Jason Terry (DAL)Jermaine ONeal

(PHX)Greg Stiemsma

(MIN)


Player 2012-13 2013-14 2014-15 2015-16 2016-17 Total

Rajon Rondo $11,000,000 $11,954,545 $12,909,091 $0 $0 $35,863,636

Avery Bradley $1,630,000 $2,511,432 $3,581,302 $0 $0 $4,141,432


Courtney Lee $5,000,000 $5,225,000 $5,450,000 $5,675,000 $0 $21,350,000

Jason Terry$5,000,000 $5,225,000 $5,450,000 $0 $0

$15,675,000

Leandro Barbosa


Paul Pierce $16,790,345 $15,333,334 $0 $0 $0 $32,123,679

Jeff Green $8,375,000 $8,791,667 $9,208,333 $9,625,000 $0 $36,000,000

Kris Joseph $473,604 $788,872 $0 $0 $0 $1,262,476


Brandon Bass $6,000,000 $6,450,000 $6,900,000 $0 $0 $19,350,000

Jared Sullinger $1,306,920 $1,365,720 $1,414,520 $2,269,260 $3,270,003 $6,356,420

Chris Wilcox $1,352,181 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,352,181

CENTER SALARIESKevin Garnett $11,566,265 $12,443,735 $12,000,000 $0 $0 $36,010,000

Fab Melo $1,254,270 $1,311,240 $1,367,640 $2,249,768 $3,257,662 $6,182,828

Darko Milicic $1,229,255 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,229,255



Irving Grousbeck Danny Ainge Doc Rivers


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Boston Celtics


Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketballby Scott Leedy

Absent of any connotation or descriptions of their play, the Celtics have had a good thing going for the last 4 seasons.

Sure, the last two years have ended in losses to the Heat, but neither defeat is something to be ashamed of. They were

beaten by better, younger, more talented teams. Besides, the 2012 season was supposed to be the last push. The final

gasp. The farewell tour for a short-lived but powerful, gritty, and always compelling super team.

After the year was over, many expected something of a reboot. Yes, Garnett had been reborn over the second half of

the season, but it seemed time to answer the ever present question: could Bostons acerbic, temperamental point guard

carry the franchise? Was it time to let Garnett walk, bring in younger, more athletic players that could meet Rondos

pace, allow him to flourish with personnel better suited to a freer more open style of play. Of course, Danny Ainge rarely

does the expected. He brought back Garnett, let Ray Allen leave for South Beach, re-signed Jeff Green and brought on

Jason Terry (who is OLD). There would be no reboot, no revolution, and no upheaval. Just a redesign, a shift, an

adjustment here and there.

Its easy to criticize the decision making, to call into question commitment to a team that is old, fragile, and not likely to

contend. I wrote on Twitter that maybe the overarching question for the Celtics season is, REALLY? AGAIN? But I think

thats too simplistic. The Celtics werent going to truly compete with or without Garnett. And for all the questions we

have about Rajon Rondo, maybe the Celtics are confident they know what they have. Yes, they will play ugly. Yes, most

of you are bound to complain, and whine about how awful they are. But we still get RajonRondos dismissive,

idiosyncratic, pterodactyl-armed brilliance. We still have Doc Rivers steady, strategic and emotional mastery of a

basketball team.

Maybe youre annoyed by Garnetts antics at this point; maybe you cant stand Paul Pierces style ofplay. Maybe Rajon

Rondos coasting through some games bothers you .But for better or worse theyre still around, and they still have a

chance to be relevant. So for this season at least, maybe the only question for the Celtics is, AGAIN??? Why not?

Jesus Christ Your Team Sucks by Eric Maroun

Few players in the NBA are as polarizing as Kevin Garnett. For 12 long years, he toiled in the frigid state known as

Minnesota playing for a Timberwolves team which you could set your watch to nearly every spring for a first round

playoff exit. For seven consecutive years from 1997-2003 this was the case. While Tracy McGrady has seemingly long

reigned as the poster child for the player unable to venture into the second round, the Celtics playoff success since he

was traded to Boston prior to the 2007-08 season has obscured the fact that Garnett carried the same stigma. As a

result of his stint in the North Star State, Garnett became a sympathetic figure in many NBA circles. All we wanted was

to see KG on a bigger stage. Following the Celtics championship win in 2008 over the Lakers, Garnett further endeared

himself to fans as his raw emotion was on full display when he belted out the primal scream of ANYTHING IS

POSSIBLLLLLLLE and gave Bill Russell a bear hug while saying, I hope we made you proud. For many, this was the

culmination of both years of losing and years of frustration. Kevin Garnett had finally gotten his.

Fast forward to 2012, and the public opinion on KG has largely swung the other way. Now he is portrayed as a dog

whose bark is far worse than his bite, someone who an anonymous NBA player in an April 2011 ESPN The Magazine


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piece described by saying, You can learn a lot about him by watching his eyes. If he's talking to you, and he's always

talking, he avoids eye contact. My advice to other guys in the league: Stare him down, and he'll retreat. From what I've

seen, he'll never mix it up with a player who's bigger than he is. Personally, I think he's scared to fight. His act of

swatting the ball heading for the rim following a foul call is seen by some as trifling, many as annoying, and practically

everyone as played out. Then, this summer provided us with the pice de rsistance of Garnetts to borrow a

professional wrestling term heel ways. At the Celtics media day in late September, Garnett revealed that following Ray

Allens decision to sign as a free agent with Miami, he had deleted Allens number from his cell phone. When I first heardthis story, I racked my brain trying to think of my 18 years of schooling from kindergarten through my Masters program

if I had ever heard anything as petty as this; to the shock of no one, I came up empty. Seriously Boston; this is your vocal

leader? This is the guy that youre going to war with this year? A guy who more and more is akin to Mean Girls than

Mean Green? Good luck with that. All Im saying is that if thats the centerpiece of your alleged title contending team,

well, that sucks.

I Had A Dream Last Night And It Looked Just Like A Dream by Danny Chau

I had a dream that Jeff Green was James Worthy and the Celtics won a bunch of championships because he was James

Worthy.

Oh, wait. That wasnt my dream.

Folks speak of Jeff Green like they do of socialism. And its always a bit disappointing when theories dont quite work out

in practice and is Jeff Green much more than a theory? Something about Jeff Green elicits a very specific reaction from

fans. He inspires hope in the many things he can do on the court. Hes also critically panned for the many things he cant

do well. There is a bit of a gulf between expectation and reality, though you can hardly blame Celtics fans for keeping

the faith.

Greens versatility is his calling card, and if the coaching staff is serious in its assertions that he can play some point

guard, acquiring all three of Jason Terry, Courtney Lee, and Leandro Barbosa makes a bit more sense. On a team (still)full of aging veterans, Greens athleticism which is good, but a bit overblown by commentators around the league

will make Rajon Rondos job a little easier. The dunks he will inevitably get on the run will be a welcome respite from all

the midrange jumpers the team will continue to take. But if they wanted a versatile athlete with everything to prove,

they could have drafted Perry Jones III instead of Fab Melo. And really, what is Green but a shorter, way less athletic

Jones with a much fatter contract?

PJ3 learning from Kevin Garnett. Jones catching lobs from Rondo. Jones quickly gaining the adoration of the Boston fan

base being the teams most freakish athlete since Ricky Davis. Jones sharing the mantle with Rondo as the future of the

Celtics storied franchise.

OK, now were in my dream.

Listen All Yall This Is Sabotage by Steve McPherson

Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry is dating a woman named Ellen (played by Ben Stillers future

wife, Christine Taylor) who seems genuinely great at first, but is mysteriously pegged as a loser by all of Jerrys friends?

We cant see it, and Jerry cant see it, and so he starts trying to figure out why her friends say things like, It is so sweet


12/131

of you to take her out. Basically, in this equation, Jerry is the Boston Celtics and everyone else is every fan of every

team thats had Darko Milicic on it.

It seems oddly fitting that Darko has threatened to kill someone if necessary to make an impact on the game because so

far, to paraphrase Ned Flanderss father, hes tried nothing and hes all out of ideas. Celtics fans look at this signing as

inconsequential, a guy to hold down the end of the bench; and I pray to all that is holy theyre right, for their sakes.

Maybe its possible that if Darko doesnt play a minute this year and he wont have an effect on the team, but I doubt it.

Hes a walking, talking (well, slouching, grumbling) black hole of enthusiasm death. Hes a concentrated poison, and

heres the thing about poison: you dont have to take a big honking dose, just a couple parts per million.

Nothing craters team belief like one guy who just wont buy in. Ive worked with people like that, and you probably have

too. That one guy whos always having the worst day and carrying it into work? The girl who does nothing but complain?

You laugh it off. Hell, most of the time theyre not even complaining about work and it doesnt affect you, right? Except

for all that time you spend talking about them instead of working. Except for that. And then suddenly youre fighting for

home court advantage in the playoffs and theres Darko looking glum, saying I told you so. Dont say I didnt tell you

so.


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Brooklyn Nets

(22-44, 5th

in Atlantic)


Eff

Def

Eff

Own

eFG

Opp

eFG

Own

FTR

Opp

FTR

Own

TOR

Opp

TOR

Own

ORR

Opp

ORRStat 99.7 106.9 47.28 51.31 26.9 28.2 14.33 13.68 27.82 29.33

Rank 23rd

29th 24th 29th 17th 19th 22nd 17th 10th 28th


Andray Blatche (WAS) Sundiata Gaines (IND)Tyshawn Taylor

(41st via trade) Acquired Joe Johnson from Atlanta for

Anthony Morrow, Jordan Farmar, Jordan

Williams, DeShawn Stevenson, Johan Petro

and a 2017 second-round pick.

Acquired Reggie Evans from LA Clippers for

the right to swap 2016 second-round draftpicks.

Jerry Stackhouse

(ATL)Gerald Green (IND)

Tornike Shengelia

(54th via trade)

Mirza Teletovic

(Europe)

DeShawn Stevenson

(ATL)Ilkan Karaman (57th)

C.J. Watson (CHI)


Player 2012-13 2013-14 2014-15 2015-16 2016-17 Total

Deron Williams $17,177,795 $18,754,465 $19,754,465 $21,042,800 $22,331,135 $98,772,325

C.J. Watson $992,860 $1,106,941 $0 $0 $0 $2,099,801

Tyshawn Taylor $473,604 $788,872 $1,115,243 $0 $0 $1,262,476


Joe Johnson $19,752,645 $21,466,718 $23,180,790 $24,894,863 $0 $89,295,016

MarShon Brooks $1,160,040 $1,210,080 $1,768,653 $3,377,354 $0 $4,318,773Keith Bogans $1,229,255 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,229,255


Gerald Wallace $9,682,435 $10,105,855 $10,105,855 $10,105,855 $0 $40,000,000

Jerry Stackhouse $1,352,191 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,352,191

Tornike Shengelia $473,604 $788,872 $0 $0 $0 $1,262,476


Kris Humphries $12,000,000 $12,000,000 $0 $0 $0 $24,000,000

Mirza Teletovic $3,090,000 $3,229,050 $3,368,100 $4,210,125 $0 $9,687,150

CENTER SALARIES

Brook Lopez $13,668,570 $14,963,906 $15,719,063 $16,744,219 $0 $60,825,938Reggie Evans $1,622,617 $1,695,635 $1,768,653 $0 $0 $5,086,905



Mikhail Prokhorov Billy King Avery Johnson


14/131

Brooklyn Nets


Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketballby Sean Highkin

Get ready to get really, really sick of the "Which team rules New York?" storyline this season. That this is even a factor is

astounding given the Nets' historic futility, but the Mikhail Prokhorov/Jay-Z regime isn't the New Jersey Nets of old

anymore. They're in Brooklyn now, with a state-of-the-art arena, sweet new uniforms, and an elite point guard finally

surrounded with real talent. The mere fact that Deron Williams chose to re-up with the Nets rather than play with Dirk

Nowitzki in his native Dallas, as well as the badly-kept secret that Brooklyn was Dwight Howard's preferred landing spot,

says everything that needs to be said about the position this franchise now occupies in NBA culture.

As for that new talent: Joe Johnson gets a lot of flak for having probably the worst contract in the league, but he is by a

considerable distance the best backcourt partner D-Will has ever played with. Gerald Wallace, acquired at last year's

trade deadline and re-signed in July, was also overpaid but can still contribute at a high level, especially on defense.Brook Lopez can also basically be viewed as an offseason addition, as he missed all but five games last season. He can't

rebound, but he's one of the most offensively gifted centers in the game.

The caveat here is the sheer amount of money the Nets committed to players this summer. Between Williams' five-year

max deal, Lopez' hefty rookie extension, Wallace's $40 million new deal, and the trade for Johnson, the Nets have zero

breathing room for the next half decade. This is their team, for now and for later. Luckily, it's a pretty good one, and

should compete for home-court advantage in the East for the foreseeable future.

Jesus Christ Your Team Sucks by Jared Dubin

You are no longer the New Jersey Nets. You will not play your games in a decrepit stadium in the middle of a swamp that

has basically no access through public transportation. You have exited NBA purgatory.

You play in Brooklyn now. You have a fancy new arena in an up-and-coming area of New York City (even if you had to

demolish residential housing to get it, and have yet build the replacement residential housing you promised). Your

uniforms are no longer a splish-splash of red, white and blue, but rather a sleek and simplistic black and white. Your

fresh new gear is flying off the shelves of every Modells in the city. Your team is massively improved. Your point guard is

elite. Your shooting guard is one of the best in the league. Your small forward is as solid as they come. Your power

forward is a terrific rebounder. Your center scores with the best of them. Your bench is no longer a laughingstock. You

have cache. Youll be on national TV. Your rapper/part-owner will probably even show up to some of his own teams

games this year.

But yourestill the Nets. Youll never truly own the city that has had Knickerbocker -blue blood since 1946. Like the

Mets, Jets and Islanders, youve always come second, and probably always will. Brooklyns hip and all, but it aint

Broadway (to be fair, neither are the Knicks, but this is my section, damn it). Your elite point guard hasnt really been

elite since he came to your team a year and a half ago. Your shooting guard is hilariously overpaid, on the wrong side of

30, and isnt Dwight Howard, the guy you really wanted this offseason. Your small forward is also overpaid, is in decline,

and used to be a Bobcat. Your power forward is basically a Kardashian. And your center grabs more comic books than

rebounds, and is so bad at defense that he cant even defend himself from that terrible joke. Your bench consists of


15/131

vaguely valuable cast-offs, an unknown Euro-dude and Jerry Stackhouse. And Avery Johnson still has a really annoying

voice. You're capped out from now until eternity with a team that isn't quite a contender.

Prokhorov can needle Jimmy Dolan and the team across town all he wants. You can strike up rivalries from now until

forever. It wont matter. Youre still the Nets.

Perhaps I Can Help You With That Hump. What Hump? by Amin VafaNEW ARENAAAAAAA! NEW LOCATIONNNNNNNN! NEW ROSTERRRRRR! NEW JERSEYYYYYYSSSS (oh, not that kind. Sorry

for the reminder, people from the Jerz)!

Its a new season with a lot of changes for the Nets. Did you know they moved from Newark to Brooklyn? To someone

who doesnt live in the NY/NJ vicinity, this doesnt seem like a big deal. But apparently thats like a whole different place.

And they have a whole different roster now, too. A new and improved and tech-savvy Deron Williams, a Gerald Wallace

that was traded for Dame Lillard, and Joe I make more money than HOVA, but Ill probably commute from Patterson

Johnson. Oh, and did you know they got Dwight Howard? Wait, they didntget him? After all that hubbub? And they just

re-signed Kris Humphries and Brook Lopez instead? Oh, I guess thats cool too. Totally the same.

Well, thatll all probably be OK. I mean, Sir Charles thinks theyre much betterthan the star-studded Knicks And he

thinks the Humphries/Lopez signings were underrated. Like, as underrated as a no-other-option-but-to-overpay pair of

singings could be. First team in Brooklyn since the Dodgers left? Thats a big deal. I mean, when has New York City ever

caught a break? Jay-Z has likened their move to Brooklyn as part of his personal fulfillment of theAmerican Dream. And

their manager Billy Kingthinkstheyre title contenders. I mean, not liketitle title contenders, right? Oh no, he does.

Never mind.

As easy as it would have been to write this entire section about Kris Humphries (look at that title! It was staring me in

the face!), the Nets hubris could make things in Brooklyn uglier than they anticipate.

Its almost as if expectations are being heightened this season.

The Transcendent and Wonderful by Connor Huchton

So youre Brook Lopez, and everyone knows you cant rebound. You were an acceptable rebounder for two seasons, but

after an awful season on the glass and a year mostly lost to injury, your weaknesses have moved to the forefront. Youre

Brook Lopez, and everyone knows you cant rebound.

But maybe you can rebound. Maybe those first two seasons were indicative of the rebounder youll be over the course

of your career. Maybe youll even improve as a rebounder, progressing from questionably passable to good and maybe

all the way to great. But probably not. Youre BrookLopez, and everyone knows you cant rebound.

Its worth noting that you can score, and score very well. Everyone knows you can score, though not quite efficiently

enough to eradicate the elephant standing and screaming elephant noises in the proverbial room of rebounding. Scoring

is useful, but youre a center. You should be rebounding, and then defending, andthenmaybe scoring, if youre up to it.

Oh, and we havent even talked about your defense yet. Its anywhere from bad to fine, depending on which metric the

person deciding espouses. But its firmly not in the positive camp, so lets focus on it. If you cant improve your defense,
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/basketball/knicks/charles-barkley-calls-brooklyn-nets-best-team-new-york-carmelo-anthony-amar-e-stoudemire-pairing-knicks-work-article-1.1169668?localLinksEnabled=falsehttp://www.nydailynews.com/sports/basketball/knicks/charles-barkley-calls-brooklyn-nets-best-team-new-york-carmelo-anthony-amar-e-stoudemire-pairing-knicks-work-article-1.1169668?localLinksEnabled=falsehttp://www.nydailynews.com/sports/basketball/knicks/charles-barkley-calls-brooklyn-nets-best-team-new-york-carmelo-anthony-amar-e-stoudemire-pairing-knicks-work-article-1.1169668?localLinksEnabled=falsehttp://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/basketball/jay-z-bringing-nets-to-brooklyn-an-american-dream/article4571885/http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/basketball/jay-z-bringing-nets-to-brooklyn-an-american-dream/article4571885/http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/basketball/jay-z-bringing-nets-to-brooklyn-an-american-dream/article4571885/http://www.slamonline.com/online/nba/2012/09/brooklyn-nets-gm-billy-king-says-they-can-win-a-title/http://www.slamonline.com/online/nba/2012/09/brooklyn-nets-gm-billy-king-says-they-can-win-a-title/http://www.slamonline.com/online/nba/2012/09/brooklyn-nets-gm-billy-king-says-they-can-win-a-title/http://www.slamonline.com/online/nba/2012/09/brooklyn-nets-gm-billy-king-says-they-can-win-a-title/http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/basketball/jay-z-bringing-nets-to-brooklyn-an-american-dream/article4571885/http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/basketball/knicks/charles-barkley-calls-brooklyn-nets-best-team-new-york-carmelo-anthony-amar-e-stoudemire-pairing-knicks-work-article-1.1169668?localLinksEnabled=false


16/131

how can you be considered highly in the ordering of centers on a traditional basis? Your weaknesses dont fit the mold,

and thats a problem. Everyone knows you play like a guard.

So youre a great scorer who cant rebound or defend well enough to deflect attention. Youre an object of scrutiny and

widely considered overpaid. Every moment of this season will scream with fateful impact for you and your team. You

will likely struggle to replace the negative with the positive.

Because youre Brook Lopez, and everyone knows you cant rebound or defend quite well enough. You cant be placed in

a top tier without these attributes.

Or can you?

Source: Basketball-Reference.com


17/131

Charlotte Bobcats

(7-59, 5th

in Southeast)


Eff

Def

Eff

Own

eFG

Opp

eFG

Own

FTR

Opp

FTR

Own

TOR

Opp

TOR

Own

ORR

Opp

ORRStat 92.3 107.8 43.92 51.21 27.6 27.5 13.88 12.80 23.59 29.12

Rank 30th 30th 30th 28th 14th 15th 16th 27th 27th 27th


Brendan Haywood

(DAL)D.J. Augustin (IND)

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist

(2nd) Acquired Ben Gordon and a future first-

round draft choice from Detroit for Corey

Maggette.Ramon Sessions (LAL) Jeffery Taylor (31st)


Player 2012-13 2013-14 2014-15 2015-16 2016-17 Total

Ramon Sessions $5,000,000 $5,000,000 $0 $0 $0 $10,000,000

Kemba Walker $2,532,060 $2,709,720 $3,452,183 $4,677,708 $0 $8,693,963


Gerald Henderson $3,101,326 $4,267,424 $0 $0 $0 $3,101,326

Ben Gordon $12,400,000 $13,200,000 $0 $0 $0 $25,600,000

Reggie Williams $2,500,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $2,500,000

Matt Carroll $3,500,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $3,500,000


Michael Kidd-Gilchrist $4,602,720 $4,809,840 $5,016,960 $6,331,404 $8,262,481 $20,760,924

Jeffery Taylor $550,000 $788,872 $915,243 $0 $0 $2,254,115POWER FORWARD SALARIES

Byron Mullens $2,253,061 $3,293,975 $0 $0 $0 $2,253,061

Tyrus Thomas $8,000,000 $8,694,215 $9,388,430 $0 $0 $26,082,465

CENTER SALARIES

Bismack Biyombo $3,007,920 $3,217,680 $4,086,453 $5,479,933 $0 $10,312,053

Brendan Haywood $2,000,000 $2,000,000 $2,000,000 $0 $0 $6,000,000

DeSagana Diop $7,372,200 $0 $0 $0 $0 $7,372,200

2012-2013 Salary: $56,703,129 2012-13 Salary Cap: $58,044,000 UNDER Salary Cap By: $1,340,871


Michael Jordan Rich Cho Mike Dunlap


18/131

Charlotte Bobcats


Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketballby Connor Huchton

Every Bobcats preview youll read will begin and likely end with a rightfully bleak outlook; sprinkled with glimmers of

hope but ultimately nebulous and depressing. And thats fine. The 2012-2013 Bobcats will not be a good team, just as

most Bobcats squads have not been good teams in the franchises short, troubled history. But a bleak past and an at

best uncertain future are not enough to erase what makes this Bobcat team interesting and dynamic enough to

receive the average fans momentary attention.

Unlike last years team, which rode unceasing hopelessness and ineptitude towards the saving grace of a high-lottery

pick, these Bobcats are in many areas competent and fun. Bismack Biyombo is one of the leagues foremost emerging

shot blockers and help defenders. Kemba Walkers potential as a scorer remains sizable if not vast. Michael Kidd-

Gilchrist can pass, defend, and rebound with the aplomb of a veteran, which gives him a positive distinction apart from

nearly every other rookie in his class. Ramon Sessions is an acceptable distributor and scorer, Brendan Haywood still

possesses enough defending prowess to occasionally anchor the team, Ben Gordon can provide scoring for a team thats

desperately needed it, and Gerald Hendersons particular brand of underrated defense and mid-range shooting is an

enjoyable change-of-pace to the Bobcats myriad collection of players.

And so there are reasons to watch this Bobcats team and wait for another high-lottery pick or some other untold

basketball hero to arrive in Charlotte. A bad team can grow while it waits, slowly improving until the time comes when a

player arrives who can transform the franchise. That transformative player may already be in Charlotte, under the

acronym MKG, or he may arrive at a later time. But with clever management, principled coaching, and an ever-

advancing supporting cast in tow, the Bobcats are changing now, and for the better.

I Had A Dream Last Night And It Looked Just Like A Dream by James Herbert

Had the strangest dream. Kemba Walker was on TV accepting his Most Improved Player award. I know. It really

shouldnt go to second-year guys. But apparently he led all point guards in scoring thanks to Derrick Roses injury and

Russell Westbrooks decision to go all Wilt Chamberlain on everybody and lead the league in assists. Apparently Walker

was so good that the Bobcats traded Ramon Sessions to the Knicks for Rasheed Wallace, who became fast friends with

Bismack Biyombo.

Anyway, whats weirder than Walker winning is who he thanked at the podium: his hypnotist. Walker said that he didnt

want to say anything about his secret weapon until he knew the NBA world was focused on him, and it was finally timeto give credit where it was due. He said that, with a hypnotists help, he never once saw a Charlotte Bobcats jersey in his

sophomore season, despite playing all 82 games and averaging 36 minutes a night.

All he saw were UConn jerseys.

The hypnotist came recommended by Charlotte coach Mike Dunlap, who wanted Walker to go back to the fearless,

attacking leader he was as a senior in college. Walker initially resisted any kind of hypnosis, citing an incident at student

orientation as a freshman, but when teammate Ben Gordon was leading the NBA in scoring two weeks into November

the point guard could no longer ignore his coachs plea.


19/131

The transformation was absolute. No longer did Walker have trouble with decision-making. No longer did he second-

guess himself about attacking the basket and thus, when he got there, he finished around bigger players with confidence

and ease. I guess Walker wasnt too small or too shoot-first. I guess Walkers game was NBA-ready.

I guess his problems were all in his head.

Ask Not For Whom The Bell Trolls, Its Trollin For Thee by Steve McPhersonI have a sad confession to make. I wrote a lovely little chunk of words about what I thought would be the dominant

meme for Charlottes season this year: Anthony Davis unibrow. I honestly think it was pretty funny, a good fluffy

tongue-in-cheek piece that involved batsigns and marketing tie-ins with the Canadian beermaker Unibroue.

And then the other HP writers helpfully pointed out that I had written about the Hornets, who had left Charlotte ten

years ago. I was incredulous. What were they going to tell me next? That the Royals are leaving Rochester?

Beaten but unbowed, I popped open Wikipedia to learn something about these Charlotte Bobcats, but of course, like

many others on Wikipedia, the page was riddled with errors. Take the first sentence: The Charlotte Bobcats are a

professional basketball team based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Plus it says here theyre owned by the greatest playerto ever play the game and yet posted a winning percentage last year of .119. Doesnt seem possible.

Oh wait: so being terribly awful was all part of the plan to secure the number one pick in the NBA Draft? Well, I dont

know if thats a great plan, but at least its a plan. So whod they get with the number one pick? Oh, I see.

Voltaire said, If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. I think Id say, If God did not exist, the 2012 -13

Charlotte Bobcats.

Jesus Christ Your Team Sucks by Eric Maroun

Seven. Seven wins in 66 games. One for every day of the week. And honestly, with a 0-3 record in Sunday games and noThursday primetime games scheduled last year (because lets be honest, we all know TNT wasnt touching this team

with a ten foot pole), even that may be a tad misleading. Yes, the 2011-12 Charlotte Bobcats were often catastrophic,

occasionally hilarious, and consistently unwatchable. Michael Jordans competitiveness is well documented, and you

couldnt help but get the feeling that if anyone wanted to be the best at being the worst, it was him. Well, mission

accomplished, MJ.

Despite zero teams with the worst record in league actually landing the number one draft pick in the NBA Lottery from

2005-2011, Bobcats fans both of them dreamed of landing prized one-and-done star Anthony Davis. When the ping

pong balls bounced New Orleanss way, it marked the Bobcats 60 thloss of the season. Instead, they landed Daviss

college teammate Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, a perfectly fine young player who comes into the league with the reputation asa guy that just wins at every level. Definitely not a bad reputation to have, but there are a lot of guys who would look

great and develop the same reputation playing alongside the likes of Kyrie Irving in high school and a record five other

draft picks from the same class like MKG did at Kentucky. To his credit, Kidd-Gilchrist is a terrific wing defender and is

able to score the ball well in transition and off of cuts when being fed by good point guard play. Luckily for him, he

landed with Charlotte who boasts*looks at depth chart* *wipes eyes* *looks at depth chart again* Ramon Sessions as

a starter. Yes, Charlotte will begin the season with Ramon Sessions, a player who opted out of a $4.55 million deal with

the title contending Lakers to test the free agent waters before landing with the worst team in the history of the NBA, as


20/131

their primary decision maker on offense. Sessions will take the reins of an offense that finished dead last in the league in

field goals made, field goal percentage, three point shooting, points scored, overall +/-, offensive rating, efficient field

goal percentage, and true shooting percentage last year. Its going to be another long year in Charlotte because lets

face it, this team sucks.


21/131

Chicago Bulls

(50-16, 1st

in Central)


Eff

Def

Eff

Own

eFG

Opp

eFG

Own

FTR

Opp

FTR

Own

TOR

Opp

TOR

Own

ORR

Opp

ORRStat 104.5 95.3 49.00 44.95 25.5 23.6 13.19 12.77 32.63 25.73

Rank 5th 1st 14th 1st 24th 3rd 8th 28th 1st 8th

OFF-SEASON RECAPFree Agents Signed Free AgentsLost Draft Picks Trades

Marco Belinelli (NOH) Omer Asik (HOU) Marquis Teague (29th)

Acquired a trade exception and cash

considerations from Atlanta for Kyle

Korver.

Kirk Hinrich (ATL) Ronnie Brewer (NYK)

Nazr Mohammed

(OKC)John Lucas III (TOR)

Vladimir Radmanovic

(ATL)C.J. Watson (BKN)

Nate Robinson (GSW)


Player 2012-13 2013-14 2014-15 2015-16 2016-17 Total

Derrick Rose $16,402,552 $17,632,743 $18,862,935 $20,093,126 $21,323,318 $94,314,674

Kirk Hinrich $3,941,000 $4,059,000 $0 $0 $0 $8,000,000

Marquis Teague $857,000 $1,074,720 $1,120,920 $2,023,260 $3,034,890 $5,075,900

SHOOTING GUARD - SALARIES

Richard Hamilton $5,000,000 $5,000,000 $0 $0 $0 $10,000,000

Marco Belinelli $1,957,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,957,000Nate Robinson $1,146,337 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,146,337


Luol Deng $13,305,000 $14,275,000 $0 $0 $0 $27,580,000

Jimmy Butler $1,097,520 $1,174,080 $2,119,214 $3,178,821 $0 $4,390,814


Carlos Boozer $15,000,000 $15,300,000 $16,800,000 $0 $0 $47,100,000

Taj Gibson $2,155,811 $3,181,977 $0 $0 $0 $2,155,811

Vladimir Radmanovic $1,352,181 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,352,181

CENTER SALARIES

Joakim Noah $11,300,000 $11,100,000 $12,000,000 $13,400,000 $0 $48,000,000Nazr Mohammed $1,352,181 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,352,181



Jerry Reinsdorf Gar Forman Tom Thibodeau


22/131

Chicago Bulls


Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketballby Sean HighkinThe Bulls couldnt have won no matter what they did to prepare for this season. You can sign veterans to short-term

deals as a stopgap and try to stem the bleeding, but theres really no recovering from losing a player like Derrick Rose for

the majority of the season. Before he went down, Chicago was the one team with a legitimate shot at unseating Miami

as Eastern Conference champs. Thats not happening this year.

The Bulls have gone a variety of routes to attempt to replace Rose. They brought back Kirk Hinrich, whos still competent

and all, but unmistakably on the downside of his career. They signed Nate Robinson and Marco Belinelli to replace

sharpshooter Kyle Korver and hopefully give them a little of what they thought they were getting from Rip Hamilton last

season. This team is a patchwork construction, and a pretty ugly one at that.

Besides Rose, the biggest loss theyve suffered is Omer Asik. Not matching his offer sheet from Houston made some

sense given the Bulls financial strain and Daryl Moreys poison-pill structuring of the contract, but Tom Thibodeaus

vaunted defense is going to feel his absence. The Turkish big man averaged 13 rebounds and 2.5 blocks per 36 minutes

last season, with an unreal defensive rating of 92 points allowed per 100 possessions. The loss of Asik will only add to

the pressure to perform on defense for Luol Deng (already one of the most overworked players in the league), Carlos

Boozer (lol), and Joakim Noah. The only exciting player on this roster besides Rose is Taj Gibson, whos morphed into a

defensive monster and is angling for a contract extension. If Rose is back for the playoffs, they could be a threat. But

whos to say where hell be physically when he does return? Its hard not to see this as a lost year in the development of

a would-be juggernaut.

I Had A Dream Last Night And It Looked Just Like A Dream by Jordan White

As I lay awake in bed at night, my eyes slowly giving in to my bodys demand for rest, one question lingered in my mind:

what do the Bulls need the most? I mean, besides a Delorean with a flux capacitor or a blue police box to go back in time

to tell Tom Thibodeau to TAKE DERRICK ROSE OUT OF THE GAME?

They need a shooting guard. And not just any shooting guard. They need one who can stretch the floor with his

shooting, create his own offense off the dribble, and, in true Thibodeau style, defend like the dickens. This guard should

also be able to slide over to the small forward position for when the Bulls go small or when Luol Deng leaves the game

from Thibs-induced exhaustion. This guard would be the needed other perimeter player to take some of the scoring loadfrom Derrick Rose. If only the Bulls had such a player. This last thought echoes through my head as sleep washes over

me.

But wait! Who is this I see in my dreams? Why, its Jimmy Butler, Chicagos first round pick last year. Of course! He can

cure what ails the Bulls. His 67 muscular frame allows him to play both the two and the three. His handle is tight enough

for him to break down defenders and create offense for himself, while his shooting will give the Bulls a much needed

threat in terms of stretching a defense. Speaking of defense, Butler, when given the opportunity last season, displayed

the defensive intensity that makes Thibodeau salivate. Suddenly, my dream fast forwards to the middle of the season.


23/131

Lo and behold, Jimmy Butler is averaging 18 points and 6 rebounds per game, and hes starting! Bulls faithful are hailing

him as the Pippen to Roses Jordan, and there is rejoicing in the streets!

Would that I could invite Tom Thibodeau into my dream, that he could see all Jimmy is capable of becoming. Yet I can't,

so this dream will remain just that...for now.

Most Valuable Meme by Noam SchillerChicago Bulls fans hate Carlos Boozer.

They dislike many things. ACLs, for example. The Knicks or Celtics, depending on the decade. Jerry Reinsdorfs penny -

pinching ways. But Carlos Boozer? His idea of contesting on defense is to yell a lot. His idea of drawing a foul on offense

is to yell a lot. He gets injured all the time, at which point he yells. A lot. He paints his hair on. He disappears in the

playoffs. They dont dislike him. They hate him. Carlos Boozer freaking sucks, man. Why cant Thibs just play Taj?

Well, with Omer Asik gone there is going to be more of Taj regardless, but the answer is pretty similar to what it was last

seasonTaj cant score. Boozer can. Hes not nearly the machine he was in Utah, he struggles against length, his beard

is stupid whatever your complaint and however valid it may be, Boozer is a gifted scorer. Nearly ambidextrous, moneyfrom mid-range, and capable of getting to the line. With Derrick Rose out for a while, Boozer is by far the best remaining

offensive player on the Bulls, and will be asked to work as something of a focal point for an offense that may struggle to

keep its head above water.

And Bulls fans are not pleased with this, because theres something inherently wrong with Carlos Boozer. On a team that

has squeezed every ounce of every player for 2 straight seasons, he coasts. On a team that fanatically avoids mistakes,

he gaffes. Even if hes good. Even if hes borderline irreplaceable. He can be the best and the worst player on the roster,

and stand out in both roles. Hes the best worst player, and the worst best player, weve ever seen.

Jesus Christ Your Team Sucks by Sean HighkinThe obvious thing to write about here is the way the Bulls are attempting to replace Derrick Rose's production through

some combination of Kirk Hinrich, Nate Robinson, and Marco Belinelli. That's scary enough. I hate piling on Rose,

though. His injury sucks for all of us, not just Bulls fans. But then I remembered the only truly important case to be made

against the Bulls: The Bulls still have Carlos Boozer.

Carlos Boozer is the worst. Everyone knows this, but it can't be repeated enough. His stupid painted-on hair is the worst.

His contract is the worst. (Seriously, the amnesty clause has existed for two off-seasons and Chicago still hasn't taken

advantage of the opportunity to rid themselves of him. This is also the worst.) The way he yells "AND ONE!!!!!!" every

time he goes up for a shot, regardless of whether it goes in or not, is definitely the worst. Carlos Boozer's son even

thinks he's the worsthe was caught on camera chanting "Let's go Heat!" at a Heat-Bulls game last season, and nobody

felt bad for him. That's how much the worst he is. He's the worst because his name and the size of his contract keep Taj

Gibson, the one player on this roster besides Rose whom I actually enjoy watching, out of the starting lineup. And since

the Bulls opted not to match Omer Asik's offer sheet from Houston (probably the right call for financial reasons, even if

Asik is an underrated defensive monster...oh, wait, you know how they could have cleared money to keep him? By using

the amnesty on Boozer!), their frontcourt will be even more reliant on Boozer not to be the worst. And asking Carlos

Boozer not to be the worst is a tall order. Because Carlos Boozer is the worst.


24/131

Cleveland Cavaliers

(21-45, 5th

in Central)


Eff

Def

Eff

Own

eFG

Opp

eFG

Own

FTR

Opp

FTR

Own

TOR

Opp

TOR

Own

ORR

Opp

ORRStat 98.1 106.0 46.29 50.82 30.7 27.0 14.32 13.11 28.86 27.84

Rank 27th

26th 29th 27th 4th 14th 21st 22nd 8th 22nd


Jon Leuer (HOU) Semih Erden (Europe) Dion Waiters (4th)

Acquired Jeremy Pargo, a 2014 second-

round pick, and cash considerations from

Memphis for D.J. Kennedy

C.J. Miles (UTA) Antawn Jamison (LAL)Tyler Zeller

(17th via trade)

Anthony Parker

(Retired)


Player 2012-13 2013-14 2014-15 2015-16 2016-17 Total

Kyrie Irving $5,530,080 $5,915,880 $7,459,924 $9,697,901 $0 $18,905,884

Donald Sloan $762,195 $0 $0 $0 $0 $762,195

Jeremy Pargo $1,000,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,000,000

SHOOTING GUARD - SALARIES

Dion Waiters $3,726,600 $3,894,240 $4,062,000 $5,138,430 $6,777,589 $16,821,270

Daniel Gibson $4,792,332 $0 $0 $0 $0 $4,792,332


Alonzo Gee $2,695,391 $0 $0 $0 $0 $2,695,391C.J. Miles $2,225,000 $2,225,000 $0 $0 $0 $4,500,000

Omri Casspi $2,277,306 $3,313,480 $0 $0 $0 $2,277,306

Luke Walton $6,091,363 $0 $0 $0 $0 $6,091,363


Tristan Thompson $4,006,080 $4,285,560 $5,421,233 $7,150,606 $0 $13,712,873

Samardo Samuels $854,389 $0 $0 $0 $0 $854,389

Luke Harangody $1,054,389 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,054,389

CENTER SALARIES

Anderson Varejao $8,400,000 $9,100,000 $9,800,000 $0 $0 $27,300,000

Tyler Zeller $1,563,120 $1,633,440 $1,703,760 $2,616,975 $3,695,168 $7,517,295

Jon Leuer $762,195 $1,059,293 $0 $0 $0 $762,195

2012-2013 Salary: $42,637,801 2012-13 Salary Cap: $58,044,000 UNDER Salary Cap By: $15,406,199


Dan Gilbert Chris Grant Byron Scott


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Cleveland Cavaliers


Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketballby Noam Schiller

The Cavs are back. 2010-11 wasnt pleasant by any stretch of the imagination, but it netted Kyrie Irving, and after one

(admittedly shortened) season that ranks as the best rookie campaigns out there, and some insane summer highlights,

that looks like more than enough. We still dont know where Irving lands between fantastic and transcendent, but even

at this early stage, he is enough to complete the transition from the house that LeBron built and wrecked to Kyries

playhouse.

Of course, even though the sunlight is no longer obstructed by LeBrons figure, the lessons from the LeBron James era

remain, and putting them into practice is the next phase. The last time Cleveland tried to surround a franchise player

with supportive talent, there was too big an emphasis on crippling long term contracts (Larry Hughes, Zydrunas

Ilgauskas) and veteran help (Donyell Marshall, Damon Jones), while draft picks were wasted on the likes of Luke Jackson

or trades for Wesley Person in 1997.

No more. Cleveland has kept the free agency gunpowder dry, spending sparingly and only on low-risk youngsters such as

C.J. Miles and Jon Leuer. The focus instead has been on hoarding high upside draft picks to surround Irving. It remains to

be seen if Dion Waiters slashing indeed complements Irvings shooting, if Tristan Thompson can develop the skill level

to accentuate just how fast he runs and how high he jumps, and if Tyler Zeller can compete with NBA level big men. But

even if those choices fail, they were done with the correct overarching philosophy, one that leverages the current

structure of the NBA to turn losses and present incompetence into talent and future wins.

And if the intermediate losses are too much for you to handle look how good Kyrie is. He's like a baby seal that crosses

you over if you try to club him. Forget the rest of the roster, that's your season right there.

I Had A Dream Last Night And It Looked Just Like A Dream by Eric Maroun

Its April 17, 2013. The Cavaliers are playing the final game of the regular season in which they have stunned many so-

called experts and are desperately clinging to a half-game lead over the Wizards for the eighth and final playoff seed in

the Eastern Conference. Having won the season series 2-1 over the Cavs, the Wizards hold the tiebreaker over

Cleveland; however, a win over the lowly Charlotte Bobcats, currently an unfathomable 10-71, is all that separates the

Cavs from making the postseason for the first time since Zydrunas Ilgauskas left for a team in Florida. As expected, Kyrie

Irving solidifies his near unanimous MVP campaign by posting his eighth triple double of the year with a sensational 27

points, 12 assists, and 10 steals performance by taking advantage of a completely overmatched and checked out Ramon

Sessions. Clevelands Rookie of the Year candidate Dion Waiters contributes 21 points, all coming from beyond the arc,

as the Cavs crush Charlotte 123-77. Locking up the 8 seed leads to the playoff match-up that NBA fans have dreamed of

since July 8, 2010: Cleveland vs. Miami.

Two weeks later, after absolutely heroic performances in the first six games by the potent duo of Irving and Waiters

getting to the rim at will against Mario Chalmers and a broken down Dwyane Wade coupled with a rip in the space-time

continuum which has made this all possible, the Cavs and Heat find themselves in a do-or-die Game 7 in South Beach. In

identical circumstances to the Cavs-Heat game on March 29, 2011, the Cavs build a 23 point advantage on Miami in the

second half before LeBron James realizes he is better at the game of basketball than Alonzo Gee and Chris Bosh pump


26/131

fakes Tristan Thompson out of his sneakers 12 times in a row. In the blink of an eye, there are 15 seconds left, and the

Heat have taken a one point advantage thanks to a suspicious foul drawn by Dwyane Wade who knocked down both the

free throws. After a brief, and downright bizarre, check to ensure that Bill Kennedy is really just that bad at his job as a

referee and not Tim Donaghy in disguise, Cleveland inbounds the ball and puts the rock in the hands of their creator,

their star, their knight in shining wine and gold: Kyrie Irving.

1098Irving surveys the floor assessing his options. Though four other teammates are ready for the moment, Irving

knows this game rests on his six-foot, three-inch frame. He orders Waiters, Gee, Thompson, and Anderson Varejao to

clear out. The Cavs may go down, but theyre going down firing the best bullet they have in their chamber.

7...65Suddenly, he goes for it. A lethal, Iverson-esque crossover literally separates Wade from his shoes leaving

Dwyane to question why he left Jordan Brand to sign with Li-Ning in the off-season. LeBron slides over to cut off Irving

but he is a split second too late; Irving pulls off a spin move that will cause Barry Sanders to trend on Twitter in less

than five minutes.

432Irving reaches the last level of defense. Chris Bosh, the only one of the Miami Triad to not get torched thus far

in the final seconds, stands between Irving and the rim. Having dreamed of this moment since entering the league, Irving

knows exactly what to do. Bosh and Irving leap at the same time, both teams seasons in the balance. Irving gets theshot off, a floater which he relentlessly worked on and developed in the off-season. Bosh makes a valiant effort at

swatting it away, but misses it by a fraction of an inch. It clears his arms.

1The ball hangs in the air of American Airlines Arena, seemingly forever. In these tenths of a second, a lifetime worth

of feelings run through the minds of fans everywhere. For Miami fans, its a stunned silence; could this super team really

fall short of a title for the second time in three years? Thunder and Lakers fans instantly realize that the ball falling softly

through the net provides a golden opportunity for one of them to step in and win the title. In Boston, the seemingly

impossible thought of beating this Miami team which has eliminated them in back-to-back postseasons now suddenly

seems possible. And meanwhile, Cleveland fans are already mentally preparing themselves for yet another close, but no

cigar moment; a familiar every Northeast Ohioan is familiar with, unfortunately. These shots dont fall for us; neverhave, never will. But then, something strange happens. The orange sphere with Spalding written on the side falls out of

the sky. Slowly, agonizingly for everyone watching, the unthinkable becomes reality. The ball touches nothing but silky

nylon on the way down. AAA falls deathly silent, a stunned crowd trying to process in their minds what they just saw.

Simultaneously, bars in downtown Cleveland celebrate like they have just won the title. Friends kissing friends. Strangers

hugging strangers. And an electricity the likes of which hasnt been seen since the mid-90s Indians. A new era has begun

in Cleveland.

0: The percent chance that this will happen. But hey, we can all dream, right?

Listen All Yall This Is Sabotage by Jared Dubin

Now, Im not implying that this is true, but if Dion Waiters was a double agent plotting to take down the Cleveland

Cavaliers, this is probably how the story would go

First, Dion Waiters, Double Agent would have decent but not great numbers at powerhouse basketball school, probably

in the Big East. Dion Waiters, Double Agent would compile those numbers mostly coming off the bench, which would

mean Dion Waiters, Double Agent would at least spend a bunch more time playing against backups than most top

college prospects.


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Then, Dion Waiters, Double Agents agent would let slip to some top draft evaluators that some anonymous general

managers are comparing his client - Dion Waiters, Double Agent to Dwyane Wade. These anonymous comments would

fuel an inexplicable draft rise for Dion Waiters, Double Agent in the days and weeks leading up to the pre-draft

workouts.

After that, Dion Waiters, Double Agents agent would cancel all of his workouts after receiving a promise from a

mystery team, and all the likely candidates would deny that they are in fact the promisors. None of this would make any

sense.

This would culminate with Dion Waiters, Double Agent, inexplicably shooting all the way up from the late-teens, mid-20s

to the top five, eventually landing him in Cleveland with the 4th pick in the Draft.

Then, Dion Waiters, Double Agent would show up to Summer League out of shape and bloggers would make tons of

jokes about him.

Cleveland fans would then all swear it would be okay, that Dion Waiters, Double Agent would be fine by the time the

regular season rolled around. But it wouldnt, because Dion Waiters, Double Agent was a Double Agent sent to destroy

the Cleveland Cavaliers once and for all, all along.

Freakish Numbers And I Dont Mean That Dirty Number 8by Amin Vafa4.

In back to back drafts, the Cleveland Cavaliers have selected the 4th pick. Last year, it wasn't as big of a deal because

they also got the 1st pick (oh hey Kyrie!), but it was still important. In both years, from the draft lottery until draft night,

rumors swirled round and round that Cleveland was up to something to package these number 4 picks to trade up or

down or sideways or beyond just so they could make a decision. You see, in each of these past two seasons, the 4th pick

in the draft has been really difficult to make. There are types of players Cleveland has needed (Generally, they need

good ones. Specifically, they need players that complement Kyrie Irving.), but these players haven't been available at the

4th pick. Well, they have been available, but picking them 4th would be too high or picking 4th would be too late to get

the best fitting player. So the Cavaliers front office has been tested in back to back seasons: reach for a guy that you like

but doesn't fit perfectly, trade down to get the guy you want but not get a good deal for him because you reek of

desperation, or trade up and pay out your nose because you reek of desperation. In both years, Cleveland chose to

stand pat.

In 2011, they drafted the Canuck from the University of Texas, Tristan Thompson. He was a raw athlete they wanted to

play at Power Forward, alongside a wily and quick-footed Anderson Varejao. Thompson wasn't the immediate force on

offense or defense that Cleveland needed--especially in comparison to his cohort-leading teammate Irving--but when

the dust settled at season's end, it was pretty much agreed that Thompson was an athletic big who was more than just a

tweener, and exhibited a great upside. He had a decent summer league (when he played), and he's had a decent

preseason as well.

In 2012, the Cavs stunned everyone and drafted Dion Waiters. The team apparently had Waiters very high on their draft

board, but the assumption was that they were going to draft a shooter on the wing to complement Irving and their bigs.

Instead, they took an undersized slasher 6th-man from Syracuse with a history of ego and attitude problems that

refused workouts with every team and until recently was out of shape. Hardly the second impression Cleveland wanted

to make at the 4th spot. However, the jury's still out on Waiters as well. He, too, has a tremendous upside. After all, the

Cavs don't have anyone who can get to the basket at will like Waiters. He's got great on-the-ball skills, and when he feels


28/131

like it, he can shoot from multiple areas on the floor. Will he and Irving be the backcourt duo of the future (John Wall

and Bradley Beal might have something to say about that), or will Cleveland see that his natural fit is leading the second

unit?

It's difficult to know just yet if Cleveland hit homeruns on back-to-back 4th picks, if they've struck out, or if they've done

any number of permutations of ill-fitting baseball analogies. But we do know that Cleveland's fans and management

have shown patience in the past three seasons, and the Cavs are flexible enough now that if they have made any

mistakes, it's early enough in the process that no permanent damage has been done.


29/131

Dallas Mavericks

(36-30, 3rd

in Southwest)


Eff

Def

Eff

Own

eFG

Opp

eFG

Own

FTR

Opp

FTR

Own

TOR

Opp

TOR

Own

ORR

Opp

ORRStat 101.0 99.7 48.90 47.93 24.6 27.0 13.37 13.87 23.43 25.17

Rank 20th 8th 15th 8th 27th 13th 11th 14th 28th 5th


Elton Brand (PHI)Brendan Haywood

(CHA)

Jared Cunningham

(24th via trade)

Acquired Darren Collison and Dahntay

Jones from Indiana for Ian Mahinmi.Chris Kaman (NOH) Jason Kidd (NYK)

Bernard James

(33rd via trade)

O.J. Mayo (MEM) Jason Terry (BOS)Jae Crowder

(34th via trade)


Player 2012-13 2013-14 2014-15 2015-16 2016-17 Total

Darren Collison $2,319,344 $3,342,174 $0 $0 $0 $2,319,344

Delonte West $1,223,166 $0 $0 $0 $0 $1,223,166

Rodrigue Beaubois $2,227,332 $3,271,951 $0 $0 $0 $2,227,332

Jared Cunningham $1,156,320 $1,208,400 $1,260,360 $2,204,369 $3,222,787 $5,829,449


O.J. Mayo $4,020,000 $4,200,900 $0 $0 $0 $8,220,900

Dahntay Jones $2,900,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $2,900,000Dominique Jones $1,276,560 $2,299,084 $3,377,354 $0 $0 $3,575,644


Shawn Marion $8,646,364 $9,316,796 $0 $0 $0 $17,963,160

Vince Carter $3,120,000 $3,180,000 $0 $0 $0 $6,300,000

Jae Crowder $600,941 $788,872 $915,243 $0 $0 $2,305,056


Dirk Nowitzki $20,907,128 $22,721,381 $0 $0 $0 $43,628,509

Elton Brand $2,100,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $2,100,000

Brandan Wright $992,680 $0 $0 $0 $0 $992,680

CENTER - SALARIESChris Kaman $8,000,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $8,000,000

Bernard James $473,604 $788,872 $0 $0 $0 $1,262,476



Mark Cuban Donnie Nelson Rick Carlisle


30/131

Dallas Mavericks


Great Theories Regarding Professional Basketballby Connor Huchton

Thought 1: That Atmospheric Ambiance

Limbo, limbo, limbo. We float and struggle through an unknown space, unsure and hopeful and pessimistic all at once.

The 2012-2013 Mavericks are similar to the 2011-2012 team in one facet most of all: mystery.

Thought 2: We Continue

And not in the fun, noir type of way. Mysterious in the way that makes you feel vaguely misplaced and eager for

anything tangible to appear.

Thought 3: The Plea

Oh Elton Brand, please tell me you still have that mid-range jumper. Oh Roddy Beaubois, you can still grow. Oh Darren

Collison, 2010 is not so long ago. Oh O.J. Mayo, the three-pointer is not a nearby straw to make use of with no regard for

the disappearing liquid.

Thought 4: Goodbye, And Thanks

Your timely threes are already missed, Jason Kidd. Your brilliantly slow defensive surprises are not forgotten.

Your dependably average play is moderately missed, Ian Mahinmi. It is unlikely that a single Mavericks fan truly disliked

you, and that in itself is an achievement. We wish you well on those beautiful Indiana beaches.

And most of all, we miss you, Jason Terry. The brilliance of unaffected movement and unalterable, prideful release

remains in our collective unconsciousness, forever more.

Thought 5: A Rock To Build This Unbalanced Team

Dirk Nowitzki, a seven-foot tower of a man, with a heart and one-footed jumper to match his size, waits and prepares, as

always, to carry a team that breathes with his direction. The Mavericks offense gasped and grew winded without its

leader at full force last season, and the return of rhythmic respiration and one superstar, the aforementioned Dirk

Nowitzki, will be welcomed like the sun to a freeze.

Thought 6: Prologue

The 2012-2013 Mavericks are a good team. They are an enigma. They will ride on winds generated by undersized point

guards, talented but stagnant shooting guards, a testament to NBA greatness and weirdness at small forward, an aging

once-in-a-generation offensive stalwart at power forward, and two limited once-greats, still-goods at center. It'll be a

wild season.

And we'll watch.


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Freakish Numbers And I Dont Mean That Dirty Number 8 by Amin Vafa

Two numbers: 50 and 11.

For 11 consecutive seasons, the Dallas Mavericks won 50 or more games. This streak ended in 2011--the year Dallas

finally won a championship. The following year, they won 36 games (adjusts to about 45 in a full 82-game season). Last

season's team lacked a lot of what it had just a season before. Let's be real: the team let Tyson Chandler walk because itwanted to put itself in a position to get Dwight Howard and/or Deron Williams, the former who claimed he didn't really

want to come to Dallas and the latter who claimed that the reason he didn't come was because owner Marc Cuban

didn't show up to the meeting to sweet talk him (I'm sure being in New York and getting paid more money had nothing

to do with it). Cuban--not one to shy away from a fight--fired back at Williams saying that he threw his own team under

the bus.

It's funny to contrast the eleven 50-win seasons against Deron Williams declining an opportunity to play in Big D. Both of

these things perfectly describe what Marc Cuban's tenure as Mavericks' owner has been like. Extremely successful in

terms of wins and attendance. A lightning rod of criticism by players, other owners, and the league office. Fans like to

see wins, and if their owner is engaged: all the better! So what if he spends a season or two getting fined a million

dollars by the league office. The guy wasn't afraid to spend to make the team competitive, and the team ultimately won

a championship. Oh, and it beat the best player and the best team in the league to win it. Not too shabby.

50+ wins over 11 seasons. Yeah, I'd be OK with a loudmouth-hothead-hubristic-antagonistic-hands-on owner if he could

bring me that.

Doomsday Vs. Manna From Heaven by Jared Dubin

Dallas whiffed on their big play for Deron Williams this offseason because their owner had to tape a reality TV show,

apparently. The Fighting Cubans responded with smaller roster tweaks, saving their dollars to make another big play in

the summer of 2013. They shipped out Ian Mahinmi for Darren Collison. They signed OJ Mayo on a cheap-ish one-yeardeal. They won the amnesty waiver bid for Elton Brand and they signed Chris Kaman.

In a perfect world, Collison injects speed and life into their offense, teaming with Roddy Buckets to form one of the

faster back courts in the league (Im pretending Vince Carter doesnt exist), and gets Dirk t

HardwoodParoxysm 2012 Season Preview

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