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The Basics: Health, Wealth and Rights

“It’s pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness. Poverty an’ wealth have both failed.” – Kin Hubbard

Most would agree that it’s difficult to be happy without a few basics: health, shelter and financial security. When asked to list factors that contribute most to happiness, Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz ranked financial security right up there with love of family and job security. Clara Lee, a Redeemer City to City employee and former mission volunteer who worked with Peruvian street kids, explained further: “Luck, or what family and situation you’re born into, has a lot to do with it … I wouldn’t say money or loving parents can make you happy, but a total lack of either can certainly make you unhappy!” Many people would agree. Lisa Cypers Kamen, a psychologist and the filmmaker of a happiness documentary called H-Factor...Where Is Your Heart? confirmed that some studies have indicated money can bring happiness, but also that most people don’t believe wealth in and of itself is sufficient for true, long-term happiness.

Then there’s health. Many interviewees explained that they are happy partly because they are healthy. Jen Lobo, Bikram Yoga NYC’s co-owner, feels that health contributes most to happiness: “If you wake up every day and do not feel healthy, there is no way you can be a happy person” who can take care of others or stay calm when the surrounding world is stressful and demanding.

Finally, there’s the basic need for political protections. Muni, an assistant nurse originally from Sri Lanka, believes that “honest politics” contribute most to happiness, explaining that “People’s good lives come from politics.” He contended that happiness results when governments are compelled to listen to and provide hope to citizens. His fondest memories are linked to his participation in Sri Lankan political groups that struggled for humanitarian purposes. When asked how happy he considered himself, Muni said, “I feel okay because I know what is good. I’m doing the correct thing and the best thing for humans.”

The “Big Picture”

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one.” – George Bernard Shaw

When Muni spoke about helping humankind, he touched upon another source of happiness: the need to align his actions with greater principles, passions or stories. In the words of Samantha von Sperling, director of Polished Social Image Consultants, “Real happiness comes from living in accordance with your real values.” This could include anything from following a religion and the golden rule to furthering a career, raising a family, or traveling the world.

For Von Sperling, living in accordance with her real values included working in television and reaching her career goals, marrying a person who “was totally my superhero,” getting into New York University and setting up a business and a life in New York. “I love this city dearly—the big, glorious mess

that it is. I love it – it is part of my core values.” Meeting goals like Von Sperling did can help people feel good. Vivekan and Jess Root of Bodhisattva Yoga explain it as, “living our highest potential—even if that highest potential remains a distant goal to work toward.”

For others, it’s less about goals than feeling connected to something awe-inspiring and vast. Daphne Hagadone, owner of Belle Fée and developer of spiritual beauty elixirs, says feeling part of the universe promotes happiness because “you’ll never feel alone or ‘disconnected.’” This is especially key for Mary Beaty, a marriage officiant and humanist chaplain who has shared in many New Yorders happiest and saddest moments. Understanding that she is “part of the ocean, part of the stars, and part of the stream of people before us and [those] who will come after us” has helped her to find meaning and empathy for those she serves spiritually.

Appreciation and “Living in the Moment”

“Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers today; And give us not to think so far away … ” – Robert Frost

While living for a higher purpose is important, clinical psychologist and Synaesthetic Surround™ founder Todd Bresnick argues that it’s also important to enjoy day-to-day tasks and moments that make you feel appreciative, grounded, and enthralled. “If we work only on the ‘grand narrative,’ but not on the everyday or momentary happiness, then you might ask, ‘why am I doing this?’ And, if you focus only the present, it can feel empty [without] a larger picture.” Bresnick, therefore, recommends “working at the edge of our abilities, where we are so engaged that we are focused in the moment,” as well as taking time to be grateful for what we currently have.

The co-owner of Babeland sex shop, Rachel Venning, echoed this sentiment when she advised seeking “the small pleasures of life—spring flowers, cold ice cream and, of course, sex.” Cynthia Neipris from Pacific College of Oriental

Happiness. It can be hard to lead a blissful existence in a city rife with noise, pests, demanding workplaces, expensive housing, etc. Yet so much is inspiring in this city of diversity, aspiration, and possibility. This made me wonder how New Yorkers find happiness, so I asked a variety of people ranging from a politicians and sex shop owners to authors, doctors, charity directors, health and image consultants, and other professionals who have devoted many hours – and sometimes entire careers – to contemplating happiness. Rarely did anyone attribute happiness to a single source but instead they have attributed it to a combination of factors. Read on to compare your thoughts and experiences with theirs.

By Bianca Swift, art by Leah Lin

Happiness

In the end, It’s dIffIcult to pInpoInt the sources of

happIness: we’re born wIth a certaIn level of happIness,

but we can also take actIons to promote It. materIal wealth

can’t provIde long-term fulfIllment, but lIfe mIght be

mIserable wIthout It; be socIal, but make tIme for

solItary IntrospectIon; fInd a purpose, but don’t

forget to enjoy the moment.

New York SPIrIT | SPrINg 2011pg 12

Medicine has found great joy living in the moment: one of her happiest memories is of riding down a mountain in the back of a stranger’s pick-up truck during a cross-country trip; she lost herself in “the beauty all around me, and [in] being grateful for the ability to notice and appreciate natural beauty.”

Similar experiences have allowed Julia March, founder of Julia March Integral Skin Care, to combat gloominess: “I quickly look around to see the nature, or something that would remind me of the precious moments here on Earth … a friend, book, baby, a tree, the sunshine, ocean waves, smile of a stranger on the street.”

Several interviewees also spoke about meditation’s power to inspire happiness in the moment. Christina Daigneault, an attorney and small business owner who has studied happiness for several years, said she distinctly remembers the day she realized, “I can be happy right now – just how things are. I took a meditation class about two years ago and in the talk that proceeded the class, this way of seeing the world was unveiled.”

Relationships vs. Knowing Thyself

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife you’ll be happy, and if you get a bad one you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

It’s often said that human beings are social beings – that it’s in our DNA to seek companionship. Indeed, most interviewees said their happiest memories were of getting married or having children.

“It is important that people have something to do that is connected to others and gives them a meaningful sense of self,” said Dr.. Marjorie Hill, chief executive officer of Gay Men’s Health Crisis. Cyprus, who produced H-Factor...Where Is Your Heart?, agreed: “most people you ask—and I’ve spoken with all sorts of people from rich, poor, homeless, drug dealers, prostitutes—they will say this about having strong relationships.” Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, explained that solid relationships are important because they allow individuals to “give support as well as get support.”

Someone who sees the importance of relationships daily is Dr.. Frederick Lukash, a plastic surgeon who specializes in pediatric and adolescent body image issues. “People are happy when they have inner contentment,” Dr.. Lukash emailed. “That can come from many sources,

including how they look and how others perceive them. In many cases, being part of the crowd allows them to succeed and rise above the crowd.”

Relationships, of course, can also derail happiness. When asked to rate her happiness on a scale of one to ten (ten being happiest), Lobo said, “I thought about it this morning as I was trying to get my two older boys out of the house to school … my happiness number should be a nine. It would be a ten if they always listened to me! But at least practicing yoga helps keep me calm in an otherwise stressful situation every day.”

Lobo’s statement highlighted another idea: having relationships isn’t enough, so people should also focus on themselves. Dr.. Paulette Kouffman Sherman, a psychologist and author of Dating from the Inside Out, urges the pursuit of “unconditional self love—being able to continue to love yourself and be kind to yourself through mistakes, periods of betrayal and abandonment, losses and periods of depression and anxiety.” Moreover, “think about what makes you really happy and put more want-tos than shoulds in your life.”

It’s Not Entirely Controllable

“Everything exists in limited quantity—especially happiness.” – Picasso

Some people that we are born with a certain temperament. While relationships, attitudes and external factors may affect our range of contentedness, few circumstances actually change who a person is fundamentally.

Lee sees the truth in this: “everyone knows siblings born into the exact same situation, where one may be troubled or depressed while another is cheerful and positive.” Rubin also subscribes to this view: “I took a [happiness] test—I’m a seven … We all have a range that’s part of our nature, and the changes I made as a consequence of my happiness project keep me at the upper part of my range, instead of dropping to the bottom.”

In the end, it’s difficult to pinpoint the sources of happiness: we’re born with a certain level of happiness, but we can also take actions to promote it. Material wealth can’t provide long-term fulfillment, but life might be miserable without it; be social, but make time for solitary introspection; find a purpose, but don’t forget to enjoy the moment. This is a lot to contemplate and after devoting many hours to thinking about it myself, I’ve come to a conclusion: if analysis makes you question your own happiness, then it defeats the point.

The Science & Art of Transformation