Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

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What is Applied Behavior Analysis?

•  Applied

– Real world practice. It is applying basic science to improve the lives of people.

•  Behavior

– Any action of any living thing. For our purposes we are interested in observable and measurable behavior.

•  Analysis

– A scientific study. We are going to allow our teaching to be guided by what really works!

Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

•  Parenting is personal – Help parents create space to identify how the they

want to parent

•  Parenting is hard – Equip parents to effectively, purposefully & consistently

parent

•  Real change takes time – Invest wisely & expect measurable growth over time

Habits of Happy Parents

• Observe to Understand

•  Prepare to Prevent

•  Differentially Reinforce

•  Be Boring When Bad

•  Practice Happy

•  Make the New Way Work

Top Tools of Happy Parents

•  Name the Good

•  Sure Y! First X, Then Y

•  Blame the Man

•  Micro Choices

•  Goodbye Junk Demands

•  Super Kid Meetings

Week One

Community Developing the Will

Family What I Value

Science Observe to Understand

Framework Operational Definitions

At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

Strong Willed Child?

•  Pluses –  “usually have a very strong sense of independence… typically

also assertive, confident, determined & persistent”

•  And, minuses –  “a strong sense of independence also frequently leads these

children to become stubborn, argumentative & defiant”

•  You are not alone – 48% of parents of 2-6 year olds informally surveyed by the

authors described their child as “strong willed”

Forehand & Long. Parenting the Strong Willed Child. (2002)

Community

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaOazMm9sVw

Community

The Power of the Will

•  “There are books that use the term “strong-willed” to discuss a child who cannot or will not cooperate with adults or family members – a child who, in fact, does not have a developed “will.” In Montessori education, we focus instead on the development of the will as the positive force that enables us to learn from our environment and society and to make a contribution to them” (24).

Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)

Community

A Developed Will

•  A child who can say… – “I can focus my energies.

– I can restrain my actions.

– I can control my impulses.” (25)

Lillard & Jessen. Montessori from the Start. (2003)

Community

Question for the Table – 10 Minutes Community

•  Your name

• What you do

• Where you live

•  Your child(ren)’s name, age & teacher

Why did you choose NNM?

End

Week One

Community Developing the Will

Family What I Value

Science Observe to Understand

Framework Operational Definitions

At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

Identifying Core Values Family

Now we are going to look to the future…

How would you describe your vision for your

family? What will be your children’s inheritance?

A Vision for Your Family Family

•  I do not believe there is a right answer, a best book, a perfect guru for parents

•  I do believe that parenting is more (insert positive adjective!) when you are working with a clear vision for your family

•  Crafting your vision will be an ongoing part of the HAT meeting discussions

Some of Our Family’s Core Values Family

•  Koselig

•  Courage

•  Ping Pong

•  Kintsugi

•  Integrity

•  Harmony

Your Value Vision Family

•  Next 10 minutes you will brainstorm independently

•  Look over the list of character traits

• Okay to think outside of the list in order to find words with personal meaning – Mentors, friends, your best days, instagram …

•  Narrow it to 10 words or ideas or concepts that describe your personal vision for your family

End

HAT Meeting One Assignment Family

•  Schedule 30 minutes of protected, kid-free time for each week of our workshop on your CALENDAR

•  How will you keep yourself accountable?

Goal for Meeting One

COMPARE YOUR TOP 10 LISTS.

Combine your lists into a unified 5-10 words.

Bring list next week!

Week One

Community Developing the Will

Family What I Value

Science Observe to Understand

Framework Operational Definitions

At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

Nuts & Bolts of Behavior

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Original Behavior

Replacement Behavior

Consequence

Science

Today’s Gift from Science

Operational Definitions

Science

Operational Definitions

• Objective – Did I use only observable characteristics?

•  Clear – Could an unfamiliar actor use it as a script?

•  Complete – Does it include everything I want to include & exclude

everything I want to exclude?

Science

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLKukwm9ODo

Science

Why Bother?

•  Aid to Communication

•  Right Response to Behavior

•  Antidote to Nebulous Feeling of Guilt

Science

Aid to Communication

• Observable description of behavior

•  Specifically descriptive

MC Esher Optical Illusion via lolriot.com

Science

Right Response

•  Sometimes we see things that are not really there

•  Not a problem until it ’s time to clean the floor

Science

Nebulous Feeling of Guilt

•  Sometimes we write historical fiction about our children’s behavior – short on facts, long on drama

Science

Week One

Community Developing the Will

Family What I Value

Science Observe to Understand

Framework Operational Definitions

At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

Operational Definitions Makeover

Before After

We haven’t had as much quality time for him because of the new

baby so he’s acting out his insecurity at bedtime.

She is sad about going to school because her day is too long thanks to my work schedule.

We can’t go to Target together anymore because he is strong-willed and won’t let me get my shopping done without a fight.

Framework

Operational Definitions Makeover

Before After

We haven’t had as much quality time for him because of the new

baby so he’s acting out his insecurity at bedtime.

Screams, “No, don’t leave me!” while grabbing onto parent

She is sad about going to school because her day is too long thanks to my work schedule.

Drops to the floor and throws backpack in front of classroom

We can’t go to Target together anymore because he is strong-willed and won’t let me get my shopping done without a fight.

Kicks and screams for over one minute in a shopping cart

Framework

Not-A-Test

•  Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

Framework

Not-A-Test

•  Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

•  Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not objective descriptions of behavior

Framework

Week One

Community Developing the Will

Family What I Value

Science Observe to Understand

Framework Operational Definitions

At-Home Daily 5: Name the Good

What is the Daily Five?

•  Five Minutes Daily – Pick a time that will consistently work in your daily routine

– No cleaning, fixing, cooking, phoning…just playing!

– Set a kitchen timer or a vibrating phone timer

– If multiple children, try playing together or each with a parent… see what works best for your kids!

At-Home

Via amazon.com

This Week: Name the Good

•  Joining into child’s existing play, not Pinterest craft

•  No demands, corrections or questions!

•  This should be experienced as really easy for you & fun for your child

At-Home

Reflect Highlight

Natural Perks Imitate

Specifically Describe

C: “I am building a tower.”

P: “That tower is as tall as you!”

C: (Set table) P: “You set the

table, now we can eat our snack!”

C: (Dancing) P: (Join in the fun &

dance!)

C: (Scrubbing table) P: You are

scrubbing the table!

How to Video •  This week you will capture yourself using one of the

four Name the Good interactions (reflect, highlight natural perks, imitate, specifically describe)

•  If there is another adult, they can video or you can just prop your phone against something

•  Video quality is not the goal – HAVE FUN!

•  MAXIMUM of 30 seconds, then email it to me

•  “It is my homework for Miss Krista!”

At-Home

At-Home

Making this Work at Home

•  Guided Practice Every Workshop Week – HAT meeting • This week: Come up w/ 5-10 shared values

– Daily Five • This week: Practice Name the Good interactions

– 30-Second Video • This week: Email Name the Good by Saturday

At-Home

Questions, Comments?

Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

Email me at biehuschicago@gmail.com

At-Home