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G/T NEWSLETTER

FALL 2017

Volume 23

In this issue:

Six Reasons to stop

treating gifted kids as

“special”

Sending your Gifted

Child to college:

Providing support

when fears arise

Parent Corner

Happy Holidays

BISD GT CAMPUS COORDINATORS

Boerne High School - Christine Poulis, 357-2232

Champion High School - Kathleen Alamillo, 357-2723

Boerne Middle School North - Ashlie D’Spain, 357-3107

Boerne Middle School South - Kim Berny, 357-3307

Curington Elementary - Marcie Warner, 357-4007

Fabra Elementary - Jennifer Howell, 357-4207

Fair Oaks Ranch Elementary - Lisa Covington, 357-4807

Kendall Elementary - Linda Laymon, 357-4607

Cibolo Creek Elementary - Elizabeth Stroman, 357-4407

Six reasons to stop treating gifted kids as "special" by Gail Post

July 24, 2017

https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/07/six-reasons-to-stop-treating-gifted.html

What's wrong with telling gifted kids that they are special?

After all, they hear frequent messages that point out how they are different...unique...and yes, special. They overhear adults rave about their talents. Their peers don't quite "get" them, and are sometimes a bit jealous. Teachers occasionally provide extra attention - explaining different projects or homework assignments that the other kids don't receive. They witness some parents clamoring to have their children evaluat-ed for gifted programs, and sometimes hear kids brag when they are accepted.

They surmise that being gifted must be a big deal. Whether they like it or not, gifted children are sometimes treat-ed as special because they are different. False assumptions and labels, unrealistic expectations, misconceptions, and envy com-plicate the picture. The term "gifted" evokes longing and bitterness among those whose children are not identified. All children are gifts to their families and should be special to them. But sometimes when families notice another child "labeled" as gifted, and don't under-stand the context for said label, sparks can fly.

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What does "special" really mean?

In an odd twist to this quandary, use of the term "special" within education circles has different connotations, and is often associated with learning difficulties. Most parents don't want this label for their children. "Special services," (typically of-fered to address developmental or learning delays) do not evoke the same bitterness and envy as gifted services. Putting aside the official terminology used to define "special ser-vices" in schools, most people recognize that giftedness is associated with unique and exceptional abilities that are not the norm. Some may try to deny this by claiming that "every child is gifted." But such statements ignore the facts. As noted in a recent commentary: "by definition, it is not possible for 'all students' to be 2 or 3 standard deviations above their age equivalent peers. To say so demonstrates either exceptionally poor understanding of mathematics or exception-ally poor understanding of the reality of intellectual giftedness."

Others may boast that all they want is an average child, or they won't call their child gifted - as if giftedness is a choice or will disappear if ignored. You don't get to choose your child's intellect - it can be enhanced or thwarted depending on environmental and educational circumstances, but your child's abilities are not yours to choose. Problems with the "special" label

All of this controversy can lead to the assumption that gifted children are "special" as opposed to merely different or neuroatypical. It is es-sential that all children know that they are special to their parents just because they are loved. But when children believe that they are "special" to family, friends, or teachers specifically because they are gifted, several problems can arise: 1. Love seems conditional Children need to feel special and loved by their parents regardless of their innate abilities. Love should not be contingent upon talents, per-formance or accomplishments. This is a set-up for approval-based achievement, perfectionism, insecurity, and long-standing resent-ment. If children assume that they are only loved when they perform - and perform well - they will become anxious, insecure and resentful. Ultimately, this can damage their relationship with their parents as well as affect their self-concept and overall mental health. 2. It just feels wrong Recognition of a child's abilities can backfire, especially when associ-ated with an innate talent unrelated to effort and hard work. Praise for a talent or an easily accomplished task can evoke feelings of guilt and shame. With their heightened sense of fairness and justice, gifted children know that it's just wrong to receive acknowledgment for something they had no more control over than the color of their eyes. It is confusing and leaves little room for distinguishing talent from a legitimate, hard-fought achievement. 3. It destroys peer relationships Children also sense when they are treated differently and inappropri-ately singled out at school. Some may feel undeserving, and fear that peers will resent them. This is particularly damaging when teachers ask gifted students to tutor struggling students or co-teach the class. No one likes a teacher's pet, and singling out gifted students is bound to hamper their chances of fitting in. Due to the elimination of ability grouping in many districts, gifted instruction is often delivered sepa-rately, away from the rest of the class. Gifted students receive small chunks of "pull-out" instruction or individualized, "special" attention from the teacher, and may feel embarrassed that they warrant this ad-ditional time. Other students also may resent it as well.

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4. It creates inflated expectations Some gifted children develop highly inflated and unrealistic expecta-tions for themselves. They might expect to matriculate at the most prestigious college, land the best possible job, and receive numerous awards along the way. Any divergence from this path is perceived as a disappointment and failure. An average grade, a rough patch in school, and less than stellar SAT scores are viewed as shameful and an assault to their sense of self. There is no margin for error. While some eventually develop resiliency and humility, others may struggle for years with anxiety, shame, depression, bitterness, and anger. 5. It skews their perspective When gifted children assume that functioning at such a high level is the norm, they may come to expect this from others as well. They may become impatient, demanding and frustrated when their peers do not grasp information at the same pace, cannot delve into projects with the same intensity, and have less intrinsic interest in learning. Just like a talented athlete loses patience with a struggling teammate, gifted children can become frustrated in interactions with neurotypi-cal children. Appreciating that there is nothing "special" about their abilities may help them tolerate this frustration and feel more accept-ing of their peers' differences in these situations. 6. It perpetuates stereotypes about giftedness Some of the reluctance to provide gifted education, the backlash against ability grouping, and the widespread neglect of gifted chil-dren's needs is fueled by the public's emotional response to the con-cept of giftedness. When a group of highly able individuals are viewed as "special," envy, bitterness and irrationality may fol-low. Otherwise well-meaning teachers, administrators and families block attempts to provide gifted services. They claim that gifted chil-dren are not deserving of "special" treatment, that it is elitist, that it is not equitable, that gifted children are privileged, or that other children would feel wounded if they believed that they were not as smart. These notions are often excuses for implementing policies based on emotional reactivity about giftedness and "special" treatment rather than sound research or clarity about what gifted children need.

Not treating gifted children as "special" does not mean ignoring their needs

Gifted children have unique educational needs due to their intellectu-al differences and require academic services tailored to these needs. Not treating them as "special" does not mean neglecting their education or failing to provide services they require. In fact, receiving appropriate services should be the "norm" for them, and not viewed as special treatment. It is ironic that gifted services are often housed within special education departments, as this is often the only means of assuring any funding at all. If giftedness were viewed as just another learning difference that required a different educa-tional approach - rather than a trait to be envied - teachers could get on with educating their students. What can you do?

Show your child love and acceptance, provide structure, and disci-pline appropriately as needed - what you would do for any child. Treat giftedness as just another aspect of who your child is - not as overly important, but as a trait that needs attention and care. Praise your child's efforts, offer support and acceptance when he or she fails, and encourage healthy risk-taking. Teach self-compassion, gratitude and tolerance for others' differences. Educate family, friends, acquaintances, teachers, administrators, legislators, and any others you encounter who are misinformed about giftedness. And continue to advocate to ensure that your child receives an appro-priate and enriching education.

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Sending your gifted child to college: Providing support when fears arise

By Gail Post

August 12, 2013

As families pack up their new college students for the journey ahead, emotions can range from exhilaration and relief to anxiety and sorrow. But coupled with the all too common worries about making new friends, dating, academics and fighting with room-mates, gifted college freshman can harbor some particular questions and fears. Many gifted teens are academically and emotionally unpre-pared for college. Even those gifted teens who achieved high grades or received scho-lastic awards may have coasted through school feeling bored and unfulfilled. Many never had the opportunity to master truly chal-lenging academics, face failure, or exert much effort despite achiev-ing good grades. The end result can be underlying self-doubt, a poor work ethic, and/or an overinflated sense of their talents. As Elaine Tuttle Hansen, executive director of Johns Hopkins Cen-ter for Talented Youth, stated several months ago in her column on college-bound students, “it's time to acknowledge that even top stu-dents may have college-readiness problems.” Inadequate academic preparation may be the most obvious chal-lenge for some, and may come as a rude awakening to gifted ado-lescents who exerted little effort in high school. Despite efforts to find the right fit, college can present a range of challenges. Late night distress calls home, however, are often more reflective of the emotional rather than academic challenges these teens face as they start college. The questions gifted students may have include the following: Will I fit in? Gifted teens may have gotten used to being viewed as different, out-liers, or non-conformists, yet eventually settled into a familiar niche by the end of high school, even if they longed for something new. Entering a completely different social environment, though, may reawaken anxiety about peer acceptance, memories of earlier inci-dents of bullying, or insecurity about their interpersonal skills. They may worry about rejection, and question whether they should be true to themselves or suppress their natural curiosity or quirky inter-ests. Parents can remind them that they have new opportunities to meet different friends, that anxiety is common for most incoming fresh-man, and that they could look for clubs, groups and other activities where they can find like-minded peers. Point out that they eventual-ly found their place in high school, and this will happen in college. If they continue to struggle, appear depressed, or show signs of ex-cessive anxiety, they should be encouraged to seek out support from the college counseling center. Will I be noticed? The small fish, big pond world of most college campuses is a harsh reality for many accomplished students, especially when praise and recognition have bolstered underlying insecurity. Even small col-leges can seem overwhelming when no one knows an individual’s

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abilities. While it may be a welcome relief to share classes with so many equally talented students, it can be a humbling reminder to gift-ed children that they are not so special after all. Parents can point out that they will find their niche eventually, that it takes time to build connections, and that they are “special” regardless of how much they shine. Their “job” is to learn, grow and gain a good education. They do not have to be the best; they need to work hard, develop new skills, and find their path. Will I succeed? Praised for their talents and permitted to languish in “easy” classes, many gifted adolescents have no idea about what it takes to achieve success. College may provide the first awareness that talent is not enough; drive, hard work, organizational skills, and vision are neces-sary to get ahead. This sobering reality may force them to master new skills that are unfamiliar to them. To belabor a metaphor, the “small fish” may also feel like a fish out of water. Conversely, some gifted students have been perfectionists from the start, and place even more pressure on themselves once they reach college. Remind them that college is not just geared toward academic learn-ing, but toward the development of life lessons and skills toward a future career. They are learning what some of their peers recognized years ago; you have to work hard to achieve what you want. They also may have to ask for help, develop study skills, and reach out for guidance in difficult academic subjects. Perfectionistic students need to challenge their self-imposed standards and recognize when their expectations are too extreme. Who am I without my talents? Some gifted adolescents have become so identified with their talents and accomplishments that they question what might become of them without continued success. Their identity has been interwoven with recognition, awards and perfect test scores, and they may worry that any digression from this would betray loved ones and teachers who have championed their strengths. Even more, they may fear losing a sense of themselves if they fail to perform at a high level. While some existential anxiety is common for most college students, gifted stu-dents who overidentify with their achievements might limit class se-lection or career goals that present any risk, or feel guilt and despair if performance does not meet expectations. Gifted adolescents need to be reminded that they are loved and appre-ciated for much more than their talents and abilities. Point out that they need to take risks to try new skills, take on new challenges, and investigate different forms of learning while in college. Remind them that what is most important is their intrinsic strength of character un-related to their intellect. If they continue to experience feelings of de-pression, anxiety, or obsessive worrying about performance, counsel-ing should be considered. On a positive note... Despite these fears, most gifted adolescents feel relieved and even thrilled to be in college. They are finally in an environment that val-ues higher level thinking, intellectual engagement, and achievement. They no longer have to “hide” their interests and abilities due to fear of being criticized. They are surrounded by like-minded peers who also want to learn. Best wishes for your child's safe, joyful and enlightening journey.

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Parent Corner:

2017 Parent Award Recipient Parenting Gifted Children 101: An In-troduction to Gifted Kids and Their Needs Author: Tracy Ford Inman, Ed.D., and Jana Kirchner, Ph.D. Publisher: Prufrock Press Inc.

2016 Parent Award Recipient: "Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students (2nd ed.)" Author: Christine Fonseca Publisher: Prufrock Press Inc.

Other Books of Interest:

“Gifted, Bullied, Resilient: A Brief Guide for Smart Fami-lies”; GHF Press

“Not Now Maybe Later: Helping Children Overcome Pro-crastination”; Great Potential Press

“Stressed Out!: Solutions to Help Your Child Manage and Overcome Stress”; Prufrock Press Inc.

“Embracing the Whole Gifted Self”; Royal Fireworks Pub-lishing Co

Mindsets for Parents: Strategies to Encourage Growth Mindsets in Kids"; Publisher: Prufrock Press Inc.

"Out of Sync"; Publisher: Royal Fireworks Publishing

"Penelope Perfect"; Publisher: Free Spirit Publishing

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I want to take a moment and express

my warmest wishes

to you and your family during the

Holiday Season.

I count it one of my blessings to work

with the BISD GT Program and all the wonderful people

who continually amaze me with their work ethics,

concern for others, and generosity.

May the Holiday Season fill

your home with joy,

your heart with love

and your life with laughter.

Have a very Merry Christmas...

Tami Charest

GT Coordinator

Help Us Help You!

One of our goals for improving the G/T

Program is to provide better communica-

tion to parents. In order to do this, we

need your help in the following ways:

Please send your e-mail address to

sharlee.read@boerneisd.net. We will

create group e-mails for each campus/

level so we can send G/T newsletters and

pertinent information throughout the

school year.

Please send suggestions for redesigning

our G/T newsletter to

tami.charest@boerneisd.net. We would

like to include new columns and infor-

mation that would be of interest to you.

Let us know what you would like to see!

We are on the web!

www.boerneisd.net

Boerne ISD 235 W. Johns Road Boerne, TX 78006

Phone: 830-357-2049 Fax: 830-357-2009

Tami Charest Advanced Academics and Federal

Programs Coordinator

tami.charest@boerneisd.net (830)357-2040