Grief Through the Life-Cycle
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Transcript of Grief Through the Life-Cycle
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Grief Through the Life-Cycle
Kenneth J. Doka, PhDProfessor of Gerontology, The
College of New RochelleSenior Consultant, The Hospice
Foundation of America
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Goals
1. Understand how orientation toward death changes through the life-cycle
2. Discuss how development affects mourning3. Describe developmentally expected loss and
indicate the ways unexpected loss complicates grief
4. Discuss interventive techniques at each stage of the life-cycle
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Loss through the LifecycleThree Critical Concepts
Developmental LevelDevelopmental ExpectationOther Variables
– Culture– Gender or Style
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Developmental Perspectives on Death
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Developmental Levels
Throughout life, our orientation toward death changes
Recognition Realization
Reconciliation
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The Kingdom Where Nobody Dies
The myth of children and loss
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Children Historically Dealt with Death and Loss
Fairy Tales Games Books and Stories Jokes Songs
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Children Are Constantly Exposed to Death Now
Television News Movies Video Games Life Experiences
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Death Images and Children
Kastenbaum notes that children now are habitualized to death
That means that violent images are so widespread, it takes much more to shock
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Yet, Children Are Constantly Developing
Cognitively Emotionally Socially Spiritually
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Young Children
Animistic Artificialistic Blur boundaries
between life and death Yet, “all gone” an
early concept
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Children Develop in Their Cognitive Mastery of Death
Conceptualizing Death– Universality
All encompassing Inevitable Unpredictable
– Nonfunctionality– Irreversibility– Causality– Continuation(Brent and Speece)
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Young Children Have a Short Feeling Span
They can sustain intense emotions for a short time (Crenshaw)
Implications for counseling
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Children Develop Socially
Cooley’s Play and Game Stage
The Development of Empathy
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Children as Spiritual Pioneers
R. Coles, The Spiritual Lives of Children
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Development Continues Through Adolescence
YoungMiddleOld
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Death is a Significant Undercurrent in Adolescence
The Three “I’s” – Independence, Identity, Intimacy
Time of critical evaluation Significant separations Problematic experiences
of death Defended against by
present orientation
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Early Adulthood
Focused on Externals Yet, Spirituality and
Mate Selection Child-Raising and
Spiritual Values
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Middle AdulthoodThe Awareness of Mortality
Death of Parents Evidence of Aging Death of Peers The Additive Effect
40 + 40 = 8055 + 55 = 110
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The Awareness of MortalityImplications
Rise in Death AnxietyPreparation for DeathConcern for HealthRenewed Zest in LifeRe-evaluation of PrioritiesRenewed Spirituality
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Awareness of Mortality
“To suspect you are mortal is the beginning of terror; to know beyond doubt that you are mortal is the end of terror.”
F. Herbert
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The Awareness of Finitude
As individuals move into later life, they begin to acknowledge the closeness of death
Language This creates both a
need to make sense of life and death
(Marshall)
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The Paradox
Older adults may want and need to talk about death just at the time it is most difficult for their adult children
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Understanding the Grieving Process
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Loss and Grief in Children and Adolescence
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Children Are Embedded in Webs of Relationships
Family Friends Neighbors Teachers Coaches School Faith Communities
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Children Experience Many Losses
DeathDivorceSeparationLoss of DreamsRelocation
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Some Losses May Be Catastrophic
AbandonmentFoster Care PlacementFire, DisasterHomelessness, Eviction, Rapid Relocation
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At What Age Can Children Mourn?
With object constancy (around 3 years-old)
Only with adolescent development of identity
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Worden’s Answer
Children mourn at any age – but different from adults
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My Comment
Children mourn at any age – but different from and similar to adults
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Grief May Be Manifested in Many Ways
PhysicallyEmotionally CognitivelySpirituallyBehaviorally
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The Grief ProcessA Roller Coaster of Reactions
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Grief is a very individual reaction
The need to assess
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Assessing Grief
The nature of the relationshipThe nature of the attachmentCircumstances of the lossPersonality and history of the individualSocial supportConcurrent stresses Health and coping abilities
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Grief is not a time-bound process that ends in
detachment
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Amelioration
Intensity of grief reactions diminishIndividuals function as well as they did
(sometimes better) prior to the lossYet, grief has a developmental effect
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Yet, there are also differences Early loss and the crisis of
impending connection (Crenshaw)
Manifestations may include acting out, sleep disturbances, regressive behaviors, accidents, changes in behavior or grades
Children may re-grieve earlier losses
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Children and Adolescent Grief
Thus children and adolescents may experience periods of grief throughout the life-cycle
In early loss, the re-grief phenomenon
As the struggle with identity
Developmental surges
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Grief takes place in a family context
The Harvard Bereavement Study isolated a number of risk factors for both the child and the family. Yet, these are best summarized as the best predictor of the child’s adjustment is the ability of the surviving parent to function.
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Adolescents Often Experience Difficulty as They Grief
Discomfort with differencesAbility to seek support from adultsLimits to peer supportTime of spiritual questioning
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Adolescent Grief Acting Out (including
behaviors, substance abuse, sexual, eating disorders)
School Performance Changes – Yet, Note
Development Self-Esteem Anxiety
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Adolescent GriefThe Internet as Support
Technology as difference Adolescents as Digital
Natives (rather than Digital Immigrants)
93 % use the Internet, 79 % of 15-17 year-olds have cell phones
Prevalence of MySpace and Facebook
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Adolescents and the Internet The Internet allows
experimentation with different personas
Internet relationships can offer a sense of belonging
The Internet can offer the possibility of validation without risk
The Internet offers information independent of asking adults
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Adolescent GriefThe Internet as Support
The Internet offers information about grief
There are opportunities to memorialize online
One can express grief to peers and others in blogs
One can offer and receive support including in online support groups
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The Internet and Adolescent Grief Support
Points for the Counselor1. Ask adolescents
about the Internet and if and how they are using it as they cope with their grief
2. Create an ongoing dialogue about their Internet use
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Grief in Adulthood
Developmentally expected losses
The trauma of developmentally unexpected loss
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Perinatal Loss A potential loss for
adolescents and young adults
Disenfranchised grief and perinatal loss – emerging awareness of loss for mothers, continued disenfranchisement for fathers, siblings and others
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The Loss of a ChildThe Unanticipated Trauma
Reality – unreality of loss Affective issues of
injustice, guilt, anger Adjusting to a world
– Impaired system– The myth of divorce– The child and relations with
others The issue of meaning Spiritual distress
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The Death of a Parent Filial maturity, generational
stakes, the ongoing connections between parents and children
Potentially the first significant loss
Developmental push Awareness of mortality Secondary losses – family
relationships and family rituals, places
Children and grandparent loss The issue of inheritance
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Developmental ExpectationsOlder Persons
“We exist as on a battlefield – amidst the dead and dying”
Muriel Sparks, Momento Mori
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Older Persons May Experience Unique Issues as
They Face DeathThe lack or limits of a primary caregiver
– Implications for hospice and discharge planningAge, ageism and ethics
– Would you make the decision if the patient were younger?
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Loss is a Significant Issue in Later Life
Intangible LossesTangible Losses
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Significant Losses in Later Life
Death of PeersDeath of SiblingsDeath of Spouse
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Death of a Sibling
Kin – yet peerIdentityLoss of continuity of perception and
memory
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The death of a spouse or life partner can have a profound
impact in later life
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The death of a spouse or life partner can endanger the
precarious balance between the older person and his or
her environment
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Older SpousesPsychological and Physical Morbidity Significantly higher rates of depression at 6 and
12 months Significantly higher rates of anxiety Significantly higher rates of Cardio-Vascular
Disease Mediated by strong social support, spirituality and
a sense of meaning and purposeWilliams
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Possible Health Effectscan be pronounced in older widows
Joint unfavorable environment
Stress of grief Changes in lifestyle or
adherence to regimen
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Age is both a facilitating and complicating factor in grief
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Illustration:Older Widows
Facilitating Factors
Society of Widows Experience with Grief Awareness of Finitude
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Older WidowsComplicating Factors (3 F’s)
Frailty Finances Family and Friends
(Isolation and Multiple Loss)
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Widowers The myth of early
research Strengths include
finances, ability to purchase services, opportunity for replacement/ remarriage
Weakness –wife as keeper of kin
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Sensitivity to Grief in Persons with Dementia
Validation Therapy Mrs. J and her lost
babies
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How to Help
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Counseling IndividualsThe Tasks of Grief
Acknowledge the lossExpress manifest and latent emotionAdjust to a changed lifeRelocate the lossReconstitute faith and philosophical
systems challenged by the lossWorden (Modified)
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Let individuals utilize their historic strengths
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Empower Natural Support Systems
Through the Life-Cycle
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Effective Support for ChildrenThe Value of Family Centered Counseling
Provide Support for Parents– Process their grief– Skill-building including
teaching them how to assist their children with secondary loss
Provide Support for Children– Grief support– Adjusting to a new life
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Schools Can Play a Critical Role
Academic Social and
Developmental Arena Sources of Formal and
Informal Support “Early Warning”
System Links Families
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Empowering Adults Grief in the College
Environment Grief in the Workplace –
Training and Advocacy Empowering Faith
Communities Offering Support in
Nursing Homes and Assisted-Living Facilities
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Support Groups
ValidationVentilationRespite and SupportLearn Coping Techniques
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Specialized Techniques
Use in prescriptive and developmentally appropriate ways
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The Value of Expressive Approaches
Natural Cathartic Reflective Projective
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The Value of Bibliotherapy
Validation Suggestions for
Coping Hope
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Corr’s Guidelines for Bibliotherapy
Read and evaluate the book
Select appropriate title for capability and context
Cope with limitations Discuss with client
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The Importance of Life Review and Reminiscence
Meaning – Making at the end-of-life
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The Value of Ritual
Liminal Bridge to Spirituality
and Culture Family Centered The Value of “Doing”
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Illustration: Children and Funerals
Importance of Ritual – including Spiritual
Value of Personalization and Participation
Choice– Information– Options– Support
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The Central Point
Loss and LifeThe Price of Love