Grief Newsletter

4
... and now faith, hope and love abide In the midst of one of life's most challenging and sorrowful times, it can be difficult to find peace. Yet, even in uncertainty, every moment provides the opportunity to cherish the days God has given ... ... to trust in those who provide compassion, care and support in times of need, and to have faith in the grace of a Father and the promise of all that is yet to come. ... to reflect upon successes, small miracles and lessons learned, and to instill hope in hearts overwhelmed with grief that they may be strengthened and comforted by memories that will not fade. ... to seek purpose and meaning in each joyful encounter, tearful parting, gentle silence or tender embrace and to offer and receive love abundantly without condition or cause, secure in the knowledge that above all else, it will last forever. on your Support and encouragement for those mourning the loss of a loved one Volume 1 You are receiving this mailing because someone you cared for was receiving comfort care from Luther Manor at the end of his or her life. They have found relief from the pain and debility of their life, but now there is an emptiness in your life. You no longer have that caregiving responsibility. You no longer have that person with whom to share your experiences and your love. You have experienced a loss. In an effort to help you grow through the grieving process associated with your loved one's death, you will be receiving several mailings throughout the year. The mailings will contain articles on grief, prayers, meditations and resources for your consideration to help you cope with your loss. Unfortunately, no one can take away your grief without you experiencing pain, but these items can assist you in your journey. Your ability to concentrate is seriously impaired by grief, particularly soon after the death. Be gentle with yourself. You don't have to read every article of this mailing when you get it. Find the articles or quotations that are pertinent to you today, and then put the mailing in a safe place to pull it out later. Next month or in three months you may be better able to read and retain the information. Our Bereavement Counselor, is available to accompany you during this time of sorrow. She may have already contacted you by phone or left you a message. She is willing to talk to you after normal business hours if that works best for you. Remember that God will provide you with individuals and resources such as programs, books and support groups. Feel that gentle tug in your heart when He wants to provide those supports to you. s~\ Peace be „ i t h you, Q^V^OJ Luther Manor Bereavement Counselor (414) 464-3880, ext. 353 LUTHERMANOR

Transcript of Grief Newsletter

... and now faith, hope and

love abide In the midst of one of life's

most challenging and sorrowful times, it can

be difficult to find peace. Yet, even in uncertainty,

every moment provides the opportunity to cherish the

days God has given ...

... to trust in those who provide compassion, care

and support in times of need, and to have faith

in the grace of a Father and the promise of all that

is yet to come.

... to reflect upon successes, small miracles

and lessons learned, and to instill hope in hearts overwhelmed

w i t h grief that they may be strengthened and

comforted by memories that w i l l not fade.

... to seek purpose and meaning in each joyful

encounter, tearful parting, gentle silence or tender

embrace and to offer and receive love abundantly

without condition or cause, secure i n the

knowledge that above all else, it w i l l last forever.

on your

Support and encouragement for those mourning the loss of a loved one

Volume 1

You are receiving this mailing because someone you cared for was receiving comfort care from Luther Manor at the end of his or her life. They have found relief from the pain and debility of their life, but now there is an emptiness in your life. You no longer have that caregiving responsibility. You no longer have that person w i t h whom to share your experiences and your love. You have experienced a loss.

In an effort to help you grow through the grieving process associated w i t h your loved one's death, you w i l l be receiving several mailings throughout the year. The mailings w i l l contain articles on grief, prayers, meditations and resources for your consideration to help you cope w i t h your loss. Unfortunately, no one can take away your grief without you experiencing pain, but these items can assist you in your journey.

Your ability to concentrate is seriously impaired by grief, particularly soon after the death. Be gentle w i t h yourself. You don't have to read every article of this mailing when you get it. Find the articles or quotations that are pertinent to you today, and then put the mailing in a safe place to pull it out later. Next month or in three months you may be better able to read and retain the information.

Our Bereavement Counselor, is available to accompany you during this time of sorrow. She may have already contacted you by phone or left you a message. She is wi l l ing to talk to you after normal business hours if that works best for you. Remember that God w i l l provide you w i t h individuals and resources such as programs, books and support groups. Feel that gentle tug in your heart when He wants to provide those supports to you. s~\

Peace be „ i t h you, Q^V^OJ Luther Manor Bereavement Counselor (414) 464-3880, ext. 353

L U T H E R M A N O R

God can see into your broken heart, my friend. He hears the groaning from the depths of your grief.

He can understand what you are experiencing and thinking and feeling. He knows what you want to say or need to say, but find it impossible to say.

He accepts that helpless feeling as your prayer, -by Dr. Oswald Hoffmann

The grieving process I can't imagine all the thoughts and feelings you are having right now, but I can tell you a bit about the experience of grieving. Grieving is, first of all, a process. It takes time; it cannot be rushed. Each of us handles loss in our own way, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. While each experience of mourning is unique, there are, nevertheless, some similarities in the process. One of those similarities is that there seems to be certain phases that we all go through as we grieve.

Right now, you may be feeling numb, confused and disorganized. You may feel that things are not real, that this is a dream, or that your loved one w i l l return. These experiences characterize the first stage of grief. This part of grieving doesn't usually last very long, but it helps you get through what you have to get through.

The second phase is where you end up doing most of your grief work. Work? Yes, mourning is work; you may not be doing any heavy labor, but grieving requires a lot of mental labor and readjustment. The trauma of a major loss can also be thought of as a kind of wound. If you use these two analogies, you can see that you' l l probably need extra sleep, good nutrition and exercise. Your emotions may run the gamut from deep sadness, to anger, to irritability, to anxiousness, to depression. You may feel that you are losing control or going crazy. Don't worry. There is no one way to mourn and these are all normal reactions to grieving.

Another aspect of this stage of grief is the experience of "secondary losses." You w i l l f ind yourself mourning not only your primary loss, but all the other little losses connected to it. When one woman's only son died, for example, she not only mourned her son but the fact that there would be no grandchildren and no one to look after her in her old age.

Sometimes people have experiences of seeing or feeling the person who died. These experiences are often encouraging and comforting. They remind us of our belief that there is life after death and that both the l iving and the dead are part of the "communion of saints" in which all believers share.

The final phase of mourning is called the "reconciliation phase." Reconciliation is what occurs as the mourner works to integrate the new reality of moving forward in life without the physical presence of the person who died. The sharp, ever-present pain of grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feelings of loss w i l l not completely disappear, yet they w i l l soften, and the intense pangs of grief w i l l become less frequent. Hope for a continued life w i l l emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person who died w i l l never be forgotten, yet knowing that your life can and w i l l move forward. It may help you to know that this phase will come; you will feel better eventually. Many people do most of their grief work in a year or two, but it varies considerably. Al low yourself the same grace and love our Lord lesus gives to you.

Coping with the physical stress of grieving Within the first few months of the loss of someone central in your life, it is a good idea to have a complete physical checkup. Mention the loss to your physician along w i t h any new symptoms that you have noticed. Otherwise, you may want to consider the following activities on a daily basis to keep yourself in shape during your grief.

Attempt to keep a regular sleep and wake cycle; rest more often than usual.

Eat as well as you can; drink water.

Take sufficient time off from work.

Simplify your schedule, eliminate activities that take too much energy.

Move your body - walk, bike ride, exercise, swim.

Loaf and rest.

Listen to music.

Talk to friends or family; join a support group.

Pray and meditate. Journal about your feelings.

Get massages.

Avoid alcohol and drug use.

Understand the difference between grief and mourning By Dr. Alan Wolfelt, from the book Healing Your Grieving Body: 100 Physical Practices for Mourners. • Grief is a constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when

someone loved dies. Grief is the weight in the chest, the churning in the gut, the unspeakable thoughts and feelings.

• Mourning is the outward expression of grief. Mourning is crying, journaling, creating artwork, talking to others about the death, telling the story, speaking the unspeakable.

• Everyone grieves when someone loved dies, but if we are to heal, we must also mourn. If you grieve, but don't mourn, your body w i l l keep telling you it is under distress. Over time, and w i t h the support of others, to mourn is to heal.

ifatfier a£ met<cLe& and ymer o| comfort; Seal qmdxmJu^ me jpmx^

mth ail wna mourn; M .0 • not, aiding

camolatkm J Resources that may help:

Fitzgerald, Helen. The Mourning Handbook: A Complete Guide for the Bereaved. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994.

Grollman, Earl A. Living When a Loved One Has Died. Boston, M A : Beacon Press, 1977.

Wolfelt, Dr. Alan D. The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way. Ft. Collins, CO: Companion Press, 2007.

'Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired, eating when you are hungry, or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature's way of healing a broken heart." -Doug Manning

LUTHERMANOR

4545 N . 92nd Street • Wauwatosa, W I 53225

Hospice Care As a nonprofit, faith-based organization and one of the finest

senior living communities in Southeastern Wisconsin, Luther

Manor has been caring and advocating for seniors for more

than 50 years. Our mission is to share God's love by enriching

the lives of older adults through excellent housing, care and

services. Guided by our Christian heritage and values, we

consistently strive to exceed the expectations of those we serve.

At Luther Manor, we believe all people are created in the image

of God, and we honor Him by surrounding those nearing the

end of their lives, as well as their loved ones, with compassion

and understanding. We recognize dying as a natural process

and we seek to affirm life by respecting the unique wishes,

needs and goals of each person entrusted to our care.

HSP20100923-02

r and now # i/i n

hope J love abide