Grade 5

Sentence Variety: Passive to Active

Copyright © 2015 by Write Score LLC

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Writers Activate Their Sentences in Order to Show Character Feelings/Emotions• Writers need to put readers into the characters’

shoes. • One way to do this is to allow the reader to

experience what the characters are feeling. • Writers do this by expanding and activating their

sentences.

Instead of: We say:

Jake was confused.

My sister was sick.

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onJake stared at us as though we were speaking another language.

My sister’s skin was pale and sticky as she waited for our mom to take her temperature.

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Hair from The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

But my mother’s hair, my mother’s hair, like little rosettes, like little candy circles all curly and pretty because she pinned it in pincurls all day, sweet to put your nose into when she is holding you, holding you and you feel safe, is the warm smell of bread before you bake it, is the smell when she makes room for you on her side of the bed still warm with her skin, and you sleep near her, the rain outside falling and Papa snoring. The snoring, the rain, and Mama’s hair that smells like bread.

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Kari was excited.

This is a sentence that tells us how Kari was feeling, but we cannot get a picture in our minds. It tells us, does not show us, how Kari feels.

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Kari took one look at the tickets in her father’s hand and suddenly her eyes widened, she grabbed his hand, and hugged him, all the while screaming, “I can’t believe you got them! Thank you, Daddy!”

There is no need to use the word excited. It is evident in her actions.

With your partner, activate this sentence by expanding it to include the actions needed to help the reader envision Roxy acting silly.

My dog, Roxy, acted silly.

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Directions: Change these sentences so that they go from passive to active. Add action and/or dialogue to show and not just tell the characters’ feelings/emotions.

Kari is worried. Manny is sad.

Mrs. Smith is interested.

Anaya is happy.

My aunt is scared. My neighbor is angry.

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