Grace: God’s Prescription for DisgraceUnderstanding and Ministering to

Victims of Sexual Abuse

2 Samuel 13

Grace: God’s Prescription for DisgraceUnderstanding and Ministering to

Victims of Sexual Abuse

Presented by Robert W. Kellemen, Ph.D.RPM Ministries

Comprehensive, Compassionate, Culturally-Informed Biblical Counseling

A Tale of Two Counselors

Pastoral Counselor: A Sermon on Sin Professional Counselor: Too Damaged to Love What is your assessment? What do you base your assessment upon?

The Central Message of the Bible

God’s Mission Statement: “I Am Indispensable”

Central Message of Biblical Counseling: …we apply Christ’s grace to deal both with the evils we have suffered and the sins we have committed.

Comprehensive Biblical Counseling

Dealing with Suffering: God is good even when life is bad.

Dealing with Sinning: God is gracious even when I am evil.

Central Message of 2 Sam. 9-1 Kgs. 2

Man after God’s own heart . . . Is a maze of suffering and a mess of sin.

Davidic narrative points to our need for God’s indispensable grace!

Grace is God’s medicine of choice for our suffering and sin.

Understanding the Damage Done

Why? We need a theology of suffering. We need a picture of Satan’s strategy.

Stage One

The damage of the loss of trust The attempted Satanic destruction of faith

Exegetical Markers Shrewdness of Satan Conclusion of Victim: Disgrace/Desolate Image: Door of Heart Bolted Shut

Stage Two

The damage of powerlessness The attempted Satanic destruction of hope

13:2 13:11—hazaq 13:12 13:14 Image: Death of Dreams

Stage Three

The damage of being used and feeling useless The attempted Satanic destruction of love

Used 13:14 13:15

Useless Bolts Door 13:17 13:18-19

Image: Torn Robes

Stage Four

The damage of shame The attempted Satanic destruction of peace/ shalom

Hebrew Shame Self Social

Modern Shame Self Social

Image: Downcast Eyes

Summary of Biblical Sufferology

Loss of faith: Doors closed Loss of hope: Dreams killed Loss of love: Robes torn Loss of peace: Eyes downcast

Ministering to Victims of Sexual Abuse

Soul Care for Suffering: Life is bad, but God is good Sustaining: It’s normal to hurt Healing: It’s possible to hope

Stage One Sustaining Trust: Offering faith in the midst of doubt How NOT to Sustain Trust

Don’t Victimize the Victim… Don’t Communicate: “Be quiet!” Don’t Communicate: “Don’t take this to heart!”

Stage One How to Sustain Trust: Biblical, Christlike Empathy Engage in Compassionate Listening

Give voice back Listen to actions Listen to tears

Stage One

Share Sorrows Empathize with the external evil Empathize with the internal damage Counsel like the inspired narrator: Enter desolation

Trialogue The Image: Comforter…

Stage Two Healing Powerlessness: Offering hope in the goodness of God in the midst of the badness of life Give their name back! Journey with them Explore God’s Good Purposes: Grace/Truth Provide Tastes of God’s Goodness: Grace/Love Trialogue Image: Champion

Stage Three Reconciling the Soul to the Savior: Offering Christ’s grace for our disgrace Spiritual Direction for Sinning

Reconciling: It’s horrible to sin, but wonderful to be forgiven Guiding: It’s supernatural to mature

Stage Three How NOT to Reconcile

Not like the father Not like the brother

How to Reconcile Call the abuse sin Work through forgiveness… Seek justice, not vengeance

Stage Three

How to Reconcile Explore and Expose . . .

Fallen agenda Fallen pathways Idol of the heart Repentance Putting Off

Stage Three

How to Reconcile Prescribe grace Defeat the lie of worldly shame The Image: Care-fronter

Stage Four Guiding the Soul to Godly Service: Offering beauty for ashes Envision with spiritual eyes Empower to put on King’s robes

In Christ: Saint To Christ: Son/Daughter

Stage Four Guiding the Soul to Godly Service: Offering beauty for ashes Enlighten to Mature Wisdom Image: Coach

Send Them Out with GRACEGod’s Prescription for Disgrace

Grace: God’s Prescription for DisgraceUnderstanding and Ministering to

Victims of Sexual Abuse

2 Samuel 13