FVP Voice Spring 2017

FVP and Theater at Monmouth presents

We See You, the film.

Nancy Provost, Abuse Prevention Educator

Last year FVP received a grant from the Jane Costello

Wellehan Fund of the Maine Community Foundation to

increase outreach to domestic abuse survivors in the

LGBTQIA+ community. It is because of this grant that

We See You was made possible. The film addresses

awareness of domestic abuse within the LGBTQIA+

community. We began by collecting data from high-

school focus groups, and distributed surveys to adults in

the community, the results of which supported the

purpose behind our efforts.

Theater at Monmouth (TAM) joined our initiative, and

Carmen-Maria Mandley, former Community

Engagement Manager at TAM, served as Script-Writer/

and Co-Director. We filmed in many locations and

received footage from those we could not film in

person. We spent many hours filming at Theater at

Monmouth, using the beautifully restored space as the

backdrop for many scenes. This process yielded many

stories told, lines read, and tears shed, and over 80

hours of raw footage. The title of the film emerged

after hearing Ruth Glenn, Executive Director of the

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence speak at

their annual Conference. Addressing both survivors and

advocates, Ruth declared, “We see you. We celebrate

you. We love you.” That was it. That was the message

that we needed to share with survivors in the

LGBTQIA+ community. We want people to know that

we are here to provide support to everyone and that

nobody is invisible to us.

Christina Hallowell, Marketing Associate at Theater at

Monmouth, is the Editor of We See Y ou. It was

Christina’s job to pare down all the footage and turn it

into a film. She noted, “Working on this film has really

opened my eyes to how often domestic violence occurs.

I’ve realized it really can happen to anyone at any time

and doesn’t discriminate. As a viewer, it’s easy to see

your relationship as ‘okay’ because maybe your abuse

isn’t physical, but because the film shows that abuse

comes in many different forms, it could honestly

save a life. It’s important to let these people tell their

stories to help spread awareness.” Dawn McAndrews

worked behind the scenes at Theater at Monmouth to

make sure the entire process ran smoothly. “When

Nancy approached us to work with

continued on page 7

We Turn Toward One Another

By: Melody Fitch

What does it mean to say that Leadership comes from

within and that most of us will be leaders at many points

throughout our lives? In an organization such as Family

Violence Project, we recognize that power is an energy

which can be used for building and strengthening

relationships, organizations, and nations; and it is a

force that may be used to manipulate, control, and

weaken the very fabric of life. Understanding power

within the context of leadership and service is

fundamental to advocacy efforts, with individual

survivors and perpetrators of violence, in our

communities, and within our organizations.

In work with individual survivors of abuse, we seek to

stand alongside, providing supports and information.

We turn toward the person who has experienced abuse

and acknowledge their struggle. These courageous

people sometimes believe we are stronger than they and

that we have far more information and access to

resources than they. Through our work together, victims

begin to recognize how they have used their personal

power to remain alive, that every day they plan for and

implement strategies for safety; often complex and with

very little outside reinforcements. Yes, we may have

information about resources and how to access them,

but each person moves through their own process by

accessing and harnessing an internal power driven by

the motivation to survive, to protect children, and

eventually, to thrive. We turn toward, holding a mirror

before this powerful person taking the leading role

within their life to increase safety for themselves and

their children.

Leaders in our communities have consistently provided

supports in furthering the mission of Family Violence

Project to end domestic violence in Kennebec and

Somerset counties. Some of these heroes have names

and faces many recognize and they may use this

visibility to draw attention to the issue of domestic

violence; others choose to lead from within their

workplaces, communities, or social groups in a rather

quiet, systemic change-making manner. Leaders within

our communities turn toward one another, in

partnership, and we find the next steps together.

Welcome New FVP Board Members

We are thrilled to announce our three newest members

to the Board of Directors. They are all knowledgeable,

service-oriented, and determined to move our mission

forward.

Lian Oyerbides is passionate about giving voice to those

who have lost it or never had it. In her various life roles

– mother, wife, full time student, interpreter, teacher,

supervisor, UMA student leader, corrections officer and

FVP Helpline volunteer advocate she is committed to

social justice and change. Lian developed the Asian

American Association of Maine in October of 2016 to

connect Asian communities socially, economically and

politically.

Alicia Barnes is a Digital Marketing Analyst for Dream

Local Digital based in Rockland. She has helped to raise

more than $300,000 for local community organizations

through crowd funding. Alicia served as a RADAR and

flight deck communications technician in the Navy and

is a veteran of the Iraq war.

Rosemary Winslow has been a life-long advocate for the

underdog. Helping to establish the Mid Maine Interfaith

Shelter twenty-five years ago kicked off her community

participation. She has just left Waterville’s City Coun-

cil after sixteen diligent years. After working for Mike

Michaud at the state and federal levels, Rosemary re-

mains committed to working within the systems of

government to create the changes that help those in

need. Ro lives in Waterville, overlooking the

Messalonskee Stream and all of its flora and fauna.

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You are invited!

Family Violence Project’s

Benefit & Recognition Night.

June 14, 2007

6:00pm to 8:00pm

Longfellow’s Greenhouse, Manchester,

Maine

See page 5 for details

A Note from Our Nan Bell Dear FVP Community,

I came to work at Family Violence Project by way of

taking the volunteer training 20 years ago. A grant

funded position for a school based educator became

available; I applied and was hired! I worked in the

schools with administrators, faculty and students

offering prevention education about teen dating

violence and transitioned into community education

and outreach about 11 years ago.

Recently I became restless in my thoughts, and I know

that this is in part due to safety concerns; my

ex-husband will be released from prison this June of

2017. Having to work and live domestic violence is not

easy, and I have spent many years working to create a

new life. I am grateful for the time I have spent

advocating to make social change around the problem of

domestic violence and now it’s time for a change. I am

starting a new chapter in my work life as a project

coordinator for a grant funded program. The position

sparked my interest because it is a program to

prevent obesity, and I will be working to develop

policies and coordinate activities related to the grant.

I am excited to be able to take the skills I acquired

working here at Family Violence Project as a

School-based and Community Educator and use them

with a new focus.

I am leaving Family Violence Project with a sense of

accomplishment and pride for the many years of

service I contributed in working to help victims of

abuse and raising awareness about the issue of

domestic violence. My personal mission was to do this

work in memory of my son Matthew, and educate

people about the effects domestic violence has on

children and families. This chapter of my life is

complete, and I am ready to begin writing the next

chapter in this journey of my life.

I am going to be working toward the creation of

legislation here in Maine that would offer criminal

protection from abuse orders to victims of heinous

crimes. Most DV survivors, like myself, will choose to

let their protection orders lapse while the perpetrator is

incarcerated. The reasons for this are numerous,

mostly revolving around fear and not wanting to attract

attention to themselves (and their location) a second

time, or to be re-traumatized by the court process. And

there is still the real possibility that a judge may rule that

the perpetrator has been a model prisoner and no new

abuse has occurred; thus, no order is issued.

That being the case, this legislation, if passed, would be

called "Matthew's Law", in memory of my son, which

would automatically grant lifetime protection orders to

victims of heinous crimes and their families - if that is

something desired by the victims. As far as I have been

able to find out, there is no current lifetime protection

order process in Maine. There is the ability to have a

PFA extended for up to six years - or even more - at the

judge’s discretion. But even that requires a trip back to

court. And if the order has expired, the judge will be

looking for new evidence. I am thankful for the

relationships and experiences acquired during my time

here, and I will take the passion and commitment I am

known for having, to the new work I will be doing in the

Capital Area. This isn’t goodbye, it is see you soon!

Nan Bell

Community Educator

Somerset House Transitions By: Pam Morin, Director, Somerset Healthy Recovery Program

Family Violence Project Somerset Healthy Recovery

Program (FVP, Somerset House) has moved! We feel

fortunate to have this new opportunity. Staff and

residents are settling into the new location. Thank you to

everyone who sent art work and decorations for the shel-

ter. It has made it very cozy. The house is

beautiful and the community is welcoming. Residents

and staff continue to explore the grounds and the neigh-

borhood. Michelle continues to do amazing work as the

Somerset Housing Navigator; in fact Michelle was rec-

ognized as a rising star, best new Housing

Navigator for the Year , by our par tners at Maine

Housing. Yeah Michelle!

We would like to express a special thank you to the

community of Madison for the many years of support,

generosity and protection. There was never any doubt

that we could depend on the community to aid the

women and children who came to shelter seeking

safety. The inclusive acceptance by the Madison

community will be challenging to replicate. We will

always be appreciative! So again, the Madison

community, thank you from all of us at Family Violence

Project!

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IT TAKES A COMMUNITY TO

Family Violence Project was the recipient of the

Hannaford Cause Bag Program! Thank you all so much for your support during this great opportunity. Family Violence Project was the beneficiary of 3 rounds of the Bags 4 My Cause Program at the Hannaford store on Cony Circle in Augusta . Over 700 bags were sold! This means FVP received a check for over $700.00. These funds help us to provide support services to victims of domestic violence and their families in Kennebec and Somerset Counties. Thank you again to everyone who supported us through the purchase of the Hannaford Helps reusable bag! For more information about the program visit www.hannaford.bags4mycause.com.

Desserts to End Domestic Violence

Family Violence would like to thank these

area restaurants who made the 2016 Domestic

Violence Awareness Month a Success!

Lisa’s Restaurant & Catering

China-Dine-ah

Liberal Cup

Slates

Quarry Tap Room

Gardiner Food Co-op

A1 Diner

The Last Unicorn

Ken’s Family Restaurant

COMMUNITY SHOUT OUT!

Many Thanks to

The Daughters of Isabella and Somerset Abby

in Somerset County for your fundraising efforts on

behalf of our Somerset Shelter.

Thank you Laflin & Wolfington!

In their own words:

Laflin & Wolfington donates a portion of their

commission on every sale to a group who supports

local children and families. It's truly a team effort

because each of the agents in our office (5 full time

agents) chooses to give a portion and then Laflin &

Wolfington Realty matches. Most of us have a tag

line in our email that talks about our involvement

with the Family Violence Project to try to increase

awareness for your program, and also let everyone

know that when you do business with us, a portion of

the proceeds will go to a good cause.

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Thank you to the Maine Chapter of the

Association of Government Accountants for

your School Supply and Backpack Program

donation.

Camden National Bank's Hope@Home is their

own initiative to help the homeless by donating

$100 to a community shelter every time a

customer finances a new home. Thank you

Camden National for supporting FVP!

END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

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Volunteer Highlight

By Jaime Mooney, Co-Director of Advocacy and Special Programs

Hi everyone! My name is Alyssa Radmore and I’ve been

volunteering with Family Violence Project for almost

two years now doing overnight hotline shifts and co-

facilitating Support Group in Waterville with Karen. I

work as a School Social Worker for Becket Family of

Services where I support kiddos who have significant

behavioral needs. In my free time I love recreating

outdoors, cooking, reading and spending time with my

loved ones.

Why do you support Family Violence Project?

I support Family Violence Project because I believe that

someday domestic violence could be a thing of the past.

Violence is learned and so it can also be un-learned.

What do you enjoy about volunteering?

I love listening and learning. I am so grateful for the

privilege to hear such inspiring stories of resilience and

perseverance.

What do you know about Family Violence Project that

most people don't or should?

Even in the hardest of times, there are options. So often I

hear themes of helplessness and hopelessness come

through in a conversation. Family Violence Project

advocates can really help to tease out what options can

work in every unique situation.

What is your vision for addressing domestic violence

in Maine?

I see prevention and education as the most important

pieces of advocacy work that we can do in order to end

the cycle of abuse that plagues generations of Maine

families. We need to talk to children and help them to

see a different way. I adore our state but there’s work to

be done around gender roles, the use of violence and the

way we view interpersonal relationships. I could go on

and on!

Certified Batterers Program

The Big Picture By Jon Heath, Director of Education

Menswork uses The Duluth Curriculum, which provides

a helpful framework for understanding battering,

“Providing an educational process for participants who

batter their partners, is not a neutral endeavor. Each

educator conducts a class within a community, a

program, and a personal philosophical framework that

either supports a participant’s process of change toward

non-violence or reinforces their dominance over the

partner they batter.”

Often a fine line separates all of us, from those who are

court mandated to attend CBIP. We’ve all been

socialized in a culture which values power, a culture in

which the thinking that we challenge in the classes, is

present in every aspect of our daily lives. Our schools,

churches, and places of work are all structured

hierarchically. Anger management and psychological

counseling; are rooted in theories that ignore intent and

personal accountability and focus instead on violence as

the result of stress, anger, or an inability to express

feelings. That type of intervention for domestic violence

fails to acknowledge the real experience of victims who

live with perpetrators who batter.

The tactics used by those who batter reflect the tactics

used by many groups or individuals who have beliefs

that they are privileged or entitled and who hold

positions of power in our culture. Each of the tactics

depicted on the power and control wheel is typical of

behaviors used by groups who dominate others. They

are tactics employed to sustain racism, ageism, classism,

heterosexism, anti-Semitism and many other forms of

group domination. This cultural acceptance of

dominance is rooted in the assumption that some people

have the legitimate right to master others. (Excerpted

from DAIP, Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs BIP

Curriculum Introduction)

Since 2000 we have had 853 completers at Menswork

and of that number, only 52 came back (6%), and of

those, 34 completed a second time, and did not come

back again. This is in contrast to 1134 who did not

complete, many of whom are frequent flyer enrollees,

some with unaccountable attitudes, some with financial

limitations. This data supports Dr. Ed Gondolf's findings

that completers do better. And completers, according to

our records, are rarely seen again in CBIP.

6

Continued from Front Cover

Family Violence Project to develop We See Y ou, there

wasn’t any question in my mind that we would support

this endeavor. TAM’s mission is to tell stories that

enrich the lives of people throughout Maine –what

better way to do that than to give voice to the people of

the LGBTQIA+ in our community.” Please visit

Theater at Monmouth webpage,

theateratmonmouth.org, where you can read all about

their community collaborations and productions.

Where can you view We See Y ou? The premiere

screening in May at TAM is for those who participated

in or contributed to the film. We will be looking for

other venues for screenings and presentations across the

Kennebec-Somerset county area. If you are interested

in hosting a screening or presentation, please email our

Abuse Prevention Educator,

nancyp@familyviolenceproject.org who helped

produce and direct the film. See names and faces

involved in the film by visiting the film’s Facebook

page www.facebook.com/weseeyouthefilm/?

ref=aymt_homepage_panel.

FVP Board of Directors

President David White, Casework Supervisor,

DHHS Adult Protective Services

Vice President Kate Clearwater, Attorney and Health

Policy Professional

Treasurer Rick Barry, Vice President of Patient

Services/CNO Inland Hospital

Secretary Chelsea Moeller, Director of

Philanthropy, MaineGeneral Health

Heather Akeley, English Teacher, Cony High School

Alicia Barnes, Digital Marketing Analyst, Dream

Local Digital

Maeghan Maloney, District Attorney, Kennebec &

Somerset Counties

Lian Oyerbides, Business Owner, Lotus Learning Center,

LLC. And Home Away from Home Lodging

Nathan Richards , Pastor in Solon and Norridgewock

James Ross, Chief Deputy, Somerset County Sheriff Dept.

Lauren Whitman, Owner of Nautilus Whole Health

Rosemary Winslow, Life long advocate and change agent

Please consider donating to Family Violence Project.

Your donation will aid families of domestic violence with

emergency shelter, advocacy, court advocacy and

other programs designed to help victims.

www.familyviolenceproject.org

One Day

I’m still sick and suffering the empty inside,

One Day, in life I’ll enjoy the ride.

Deep down I’m full of sadness and sorrow,

One Day, I won’t have to steal or borrow.

Some days I’m right and some days I’m wrong,

One Day, I won’t sit here replaying my life song.

Inside my mind I have a lot of guilt and shame,

One Day, in life I won’t be the one to blame.

Soon I will have my own place,

One Day, I will have a sincere smile on my face.

My son will come home to me soon,

One Day, I won’t have to wonder while gazing at

the moon

Today I pray, for One Day to become TODAY!

Written by a former Shelter Resident in September 2016

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To contact Family Violence Project:

Helpline 24/7 coverage 207-623-3569 or Toll Free 1-877-890-7788

Augusta Administrative Office 207-623-8637; Waterville 207-877-0835;

Skowhegan 207-474-8860 ; Menswork 207-620-8494

www.familyviolenceproject.org

Family Violence Project does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, sex, sexual orientation, physical or mental disability, reli-

gion, age, ancestry or national origin, gender identity or expression, pregnancy or any other characteristic protected by law.

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Family Violence Project is a member of the MCEDV—Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence.

www.mcedv.org. Family Violence Project is supported by Maine Department of Health and Human Services

and United Way of Kennebec Valley and United Way Mid Maine

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Violence Project Maine

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Family Violence Project

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