Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

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Midcoast Maine’s Monthly Funnies Newspaper! Your Local Source for Comics, Puzzles, Word Games, and Humor Columns! To Advertise, email [email protected] or call 557-3261 FREE! FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013 FREE MIDCOAST EDITION 207.217.2534 cdcomputerroom.com | [email protected] More experience. Less expensive. Over 25 years of hands-on, problem-solving experience focusing on practical solutions for the frustration that technology can bring. Repair/Troubleshooting Virus/Spyware Removal Software Installation Hardware Installation Wireless/Wired Networking Training/Tutoring System Upgrades/Updates Data Backup Data Recovery Remote Support Professional Repair iPhone | iPod | iPad

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Funnies Extra is a free, full color 16-page tabloid filled with funnies and puzzles. Thousands of copies of Funnies Extra! are read monthly in Waldo and Knox Counties in hotels, diners, coffee shops, restaurants, auto repair shops, hospitals, physicians’ offices, dental practices, etc. The content in Funnies Extra! appeals to consumers of all ages.

Transcript of Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

Page 1: Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

Midcoast Maine’s Monthly Funnies Newspaper! Your Local Source for Comics, Puzzles, Word Games, and Humor Columns! To Advertise, email [email protected] or call 557-3261 FREE!

FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

FREE MIDCOASTEDITION

207.217.2534cdcomputerroom.com | [email protected]

More experience. Less expensive.

Over 25 years of hands-on,

problem-solving experience focusing

on practical solutions

for the frustration that technology

can bring.

Repair/TroubleshootingVirus/Spyware RemovalSoftware InstallationHardware InstallationWireless/Wired NetworkingTraining/TutoringSystem Upgrades/UpdatesData BackupData RecoveryRemote Support

Professional Repair iPhone | iPod | iPad

Page 2: Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

2 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

BIZ by DAVE BLAZEK OFF THE MARK by MARK PARISI CAPTION CONTEST

Congratulations to last issue’s winner, Gregory W. Peet, 56, of Thomaston, who submitted the following caption to last issue’s contest: “As your Realtor, I recom-mend that your offer is contingent on a satisfactory home inspection.” Send your best caption to this week’s contest to: [email protected] and type “Cap-tion Contest” in the subject line. The winning captions will be published in the next issue with the winner’s name, age and city with permission. Void where prohibited.

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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Chris & Heather [email protected] | [email protected]

www.funnies-extra-maine.com91 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks, Maine 04921(Chris) 207.557.3251 (Heather) 207.557.3261

Deadlines: Thurs during prior week of Wed circulationOffice Hours: Monday - Friday, 9-5 Eastern Time

FUNNIES EXTRA!, LLC6822 22nd Avenue North, #134, St. Petersburg, FL 33710

www.funnies-extra.com ~ [email protected] Kellogg - Editor

[email protected]

Bill Kellogg - Marketing [email protected] ~ 907–441-6882

Richard Cross - [email protected] ~ 727-343-1243

© 2012 Funnies Extra!, LLC. All rights reserved.

The views and opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher, advertisers or employees of NachoTree Print & Digital Design. NachoTree Print & Digital Design is not responsible for any advertising errors beyond the first printing of any Display Ad. Additional contributor informa-tion can be found on the website URL’s above. Contents of this publication may not be reproduced or copied without permission from Funnies Extra, LLC.

print & digital design

VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 3

BC by MASTROIANNI AND HART

TUNDRA by CHAD CARPENTER

EEK! by SCOTT NICKEL

HOOSIERVILLE by MARK BRAYER

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Country Styles

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*Did you know that the fi rst Harley Davidson motorcycle was built in 1903, and used a tomato can for a carburetor? *Typically, in advertisements for

watches, the time displayed is 10:10 because the hands frame the brand of the watch and make the face look like it’s smiling.

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General, Implant and Sedation Denistry | 14 Maine Street , Brunswick | 207-729-1159

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with an incomparable staff and state-of-the-art dental technology.

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4 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

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Visit funnies-extra-maine.com

Click the ‘Read Online’ link.

THE DOOZIES by TOM GAMMILL

FRANK AND STEINWAY by WIL PANGANIBAN

FUNNY PAPER by DANIEL COLLINS

AGAINST THE GRAIN by RON THERIEN

VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 5

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*Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart. *When hippos are upset,

their sweat turns red. *On average, soccerplayers run about 7 miles in a game.

print & digital design

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©2011 Mia Vonne / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

143 High Street, Belfast, ME 04915

207.338.3500 x121 (office) 207.322.3392 (mobile)207.338.0192 (fax) 800.860.0528 (toll free)

( ffi ) ( b

JUDY BROSSMERJUDY [email protected]

WORD FIND ColorsBY MIA VONNE

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CRANKY GIRL by CRYSTAL JONES

SQUID ROW by BRIDGETT SPICER

6 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

FUNNIES EXTRA IS PRINTED IN MAINE,KEEPING MONEY IN THE STATE

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FACEBOOK: /NachoTreeTWITTER: /NachoTreeDesign

Garden Celebratingthe people

who grow stuff and the stuff they grow.

© 2011 Campbell & Schotsch / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

FUTURE SHOCK by JIM & PAT McGREAL

THAT MONKEY TUNE by MICHAEL KANDALAFT

DINGERS by CAMPBELL & SCHOTSCH

VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 7

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Thousands of copies of Funnies Extra! are consumed

monthly in hotels, diners, coffee shops, restaurants, auto

repair shops, hospitals, physicians’ offices, dental

practices, etc. The content in Funnies Extra! appeals to

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Contact HEATHER QUIMBY, Advertising Sales Manager to learn howFunnies Extra can boost the image and message of your business or organization.

207.557.3261 | [email protected]

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8 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

WIZARD OF ID by PARKER & MASTROIANNI & HART

HOLY MOLÉ by RICK HOTTON

DOGS OF C-KENNEL by MICK & MASON MASTROIANNI

HALF BAKED by RICK ELLIS

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

I’m an online news junkie. My hunger for hard news invariably leads to getting distracted by sen-sational headlines in the sidebars that every news site has. Last week I couldn’t resist clicking on the headline, “Raccoons Attack Wash-ington State Woman”. This woman was jogging next to a park in a residential neighborhood when her dog started chasing a momma rac-coon and her babies. A gang of fi ve adult raccoons came rushing out of the bushes and attacked the woman with a vengeance, knocking her to the ground and mauling her. With the help of her dog, she managed to get away but not after sustain-ing over 100 wounds, 18 of which were punctures. Here’s my favorite part: a neighbor witnessed the at-tack and came to her aid by “yelling for help”. Seems to me that would be pretty ineffective but I guess it’s better than a neighbor coming to her aid with a scatter gun.

Stories like this constantly re-mind me that—just when you start thinking you have things under con-trol—there’s always one thing more to worry about. Attacks on humans by bears or mountain lions or even elk are rare but not unheard of. Most of the time it’s because the human is doing something stupid like eat-ing Taco Bell in their tent or trying to feed Skittles to a bull elk during the fall rutting season. But a docu-mented case of raccoons attacking humans has got me asking a lot of questions. Now and then, when someone forgets to put the lids on the trash cans, I’m awakened to the sounds of our resident family of rac-coons quarrelling over some juicy morsel of garbage. They’re right be-low my bedroom window so I usu-ally grab a hiking boot and whip it right between the glowing eyes of the fattest perpetrator. Well, this lat-est news fl ash has got me thinking I’d better watch my step. On Wiki-pedia.org I read that the largest wild raccoon ever recorded weighed 63 pounds! A few more rotten dough-nuts and a raccoon that big could compete for a spot on the Olympic boxing team in the Light Flyweight

When Racoon

Jim Lein

Open Mouth,Insert Foot

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VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 9

THE OTHER COAST by ADRIAN RAESIDE

RALF THE DESTROYER by SCOTT LINCOLN

SUNSHINE STATE by GRAHAM NOLAN

PICKLES by BRIAN CRANE

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division. Maybe one of these days they’ll fi gure out how to throw that boot right back at me. Worse yet, maybe they’ll set up an ambush when I venture out in the dark to get more fi rewood or retrieve my phone from the Jeep. That fat one—my favorite target for the boot—might scurry out from under the picnic table and trip me just right so that I fall headfi rst into an open trash can. Then his buddies will slap the lid on and fasten it shut with bungee cords. They’ll gather round, beat the can with slabs of fi rewood and then roll me down the driveway at the end of which I’ll smash into the “Welcome to the Leins” sign post.

Which other seemingly harmless critters of the forest are plotting our demise? Magpies will congregate outside the house and screech inces-santly at my cats because they are sitting in the window. The cats are staring at the magpies wondering why they’ve gathered and what all the screeching is about—it’s a vi-cious circle. I’ll admit, I occasion-ally plunk a magpie or two with a pellet gun just to shut them up. Yesterday, I saw the same magpies run off a fox that was taunting my dogs just outside the perimeter of their invisible fence. Did Hitchcock foretell the future when he fi lmed The Birds? I’m nervous now when I walk up the driveway to get the mail. Do those magpies remem-ber that I used soft rubber pellets? Come to think of it, there’s a reason someone coined the expression, ‘sly as a fox’. If he’s smart enough to de-termine where the perimeter of the fence is how long until he fi gures out that the locks on one the living room windows don’t work. Next time I go fl y fi shing I’ll be wonder-ing if rainbow trout can grow teeth like a piranha. Are bunny rabbits herbivores or omnivores? Can gar-ter snakes climb steps?

My daughter just came to me and told me there’s a squirrel or something skittering in the ceiling above the master bathroom. Those critters can cause a lot of damage. The only access is a trap door in the hallway. I have to set up the ladder, push the door open, and stick my head up into the attic to see what’s going on. Pray for me.

Jim Lein writes about adventure, life, mu-sic, and parenthood for lifestyle magazines including Colorado Serenity and Mountain Ga-zette. His home in the Colorado Rockies serves both as an offi ce and as a base camp for a vari-ety of outdoor and musical activities.

On the side, he makes his living writing about how companies employ software to im-prove business performance. He has been pub-lished in numerous trade journals and business magazines.

Page 10: Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

10 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

If you stay married long enough and make it your goal, you can learn helpful information about your spouse. Th is information can come in very handy in cultivating a healthy re-lationship.

Mine is such a goal. Simply put, the tax advantages of marriage are not at-tractive enough to share space with someone whose company I do not en-joy. I want to do it right.

One important thing that has taken me over a decade to learn about my wife is that she likes things cute and girlie. Please understand that she is not one of those middle-aged women in a state of arrested development, a celebrity-worshipping Britney Spears wanna-be, stuff ed a w k -wardly in-side a pink jumpsuit and high heels with a provocative message printed upon the rear of her pants.

Now, my wife enjoys classic femi-ninity. She enjoys Jane Austen, proper etiquette and ethnic fare. Although she’s been known to put the hurt on a bag of Mrs. Dunster’s donuts, she’s ac-tually deeply driven by more respect-able desires.

For example, when I make her oat-meal, I’ve learned she appreciates it a lot more when I place it in a special, pretty bowl which is set upon an at-tractive dish before applying a dusting of cinnamon that covers both the meal and also decorates the plate.

Last month, she planned a party called Th e Ladies of Lang Hill at our home in Brooks. Each of three ladies were invited to bring a female guest to the event. Th e party was not for sales solicitation, so there were no appeals for purchasing food storage contain-ers, makeup or scrapbooking sup-plies. Th e only request was to be very dressed up and ready to eat.

My son and I had the honors of serving as butlers. I was Geoff rey and my son was Alfred. Our names were not derivative of classic literature, however, as we were instead inspired by Th e Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Batman, respectively.

Sorry, Jane Austen.I wanted this to be a very special

evening for my wife, so I explained to my son that there was to be no joking around and that we would, even under the most uncomfortable of circum-stances, hold in any fl atulence.

Mission accom-

plished.When the four-

course meal, poetry read-ing and violin and fl ute duets were over, all agreed that the night was a success. Neither Alfred nor myself spilled any hot coff ee on the ladies and I maintained professionalism, even aft er being tempted by an attractive, young woman to join her in rapping the lyrics to the Fresh Prince theme song.

On no shortage of occasions, as Heather was preparing for this event, I walked by explaining how excited I was for her and how beautiful every-thing looked. She suggested that per-haps sometime I could arrange a simi-lar event for my male friends.

I tried to picture what that would look like.

You see, I am the girliest of all of my closest male friends, but that is not to suggest that I am a girl. Many of my guy friends shoot animals with guns and know what a crank shaft is. Some of them are able, when they have no tissue, to actually blow their nose by holding one side of their head and shooting the contents directly only the ground.

I think a dinner party with all of the frills would be lost on them.

Generally speaking, even at my most eff eminate, I am quite comfort-able eating from paper plates and disposable plastic food containers. I

think many men are like this.

I actu-ally used to work with a man who would bring spaghetti for his lunch and eat it from a baggie.

Not even the Zip-lock kind.

I do enjoy going out to eat on oc-casion and having romantic ambience and food not served in Tupperware, but during those times, I am usually with my wife. Part of what makes that environment more special is who I’m sharing it with and what it means to her. She does not need to know that, if left to my own desires, I might eat a pepperoni pizza on on the toilet while reading a comic book.

Of course, I am exaggerating. I have more class than that, but mostly because of her infl uence on me. She’s made me aware of things I never would’ve considered on my own.

Just recently, she told me that one of the biggest selling points for her satis-faction level of a restaurant is whether its bathroom is warm or cold. She then spouted off a short list of local restau-rants with the warmest, cleanest rest-rooms.

Although I’m learning, there’s much I still do not know. I endeavor to maintain my studies, though, in hopes of peppering her life with small bless-ings simply by making the extra eff ort.

And even if I fail at creating a world worthy of Jane Austen, I can always depend on the reliability of Mrs.

Dunster.

Th e Ladies of Lang Hill

by Chris Quimby

Chris Quimby is a husband, father, and publisher of Funnies Extra in Maine. A graphic designer and standup comedian, Chris has over ten years experience in the print industry. Chris and his wife, Heather, are excited to offer Funnies Extra to Maine, offering a fun and attractive departure from the norm. Chris can be reached at [email protected] or facebook.com/ChrisQuimby

A Message from the Publisher Guy

What do you think of Funnies Extra?

[email protected]

Please email us with praise, criticisms and suggestions.Entries that include name, age and town of residence may be published in a future edition.

Page 11: Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

Downtown Belfast | Open Every Day! | Downtown BelfastCOLBURN SHOE STORE | 338.1934

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HOXWINDER HALL by DANIEL BORIS

15 MINUTES by ROBERT DUCKETT

VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 11

© 2011 Robert Duckett / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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*When an average person stops smoking, they require one hour less sleep a night. *The ‘v’ in the name of a court case does not stand for ‘versus’, but for

‘and’ (in civil proceedings) or ‘against’ (in criminal proceedings).

FACT OR FICTION?

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Email cards to [email protected] or send through the US Postal Service to NachoTree Design,91 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks, Maine 04921. Please enclose check for the first month of advertising made out to NachoTree Design with submission unless you wish to be billed. Call 207.557.3251 with questions.

Page 12: Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

CRIME-QUIZ by WERNER WEJP-OLSEN THIN LINES by Randy Glasbergen

12 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

© 2011 Jason Dodge / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

© 2011 Werner Wejp-Olsen / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

207.722.3023

Contact Funnies Extra Headquartersfor information on starting your own lucrativeFunnies Extra! publishing business. Hurry!

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1376 Waterville Road, Waldo, Maine

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LAST MONTH’S ANSWERS

© 2011 Sheila Anderson / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Page 14: Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

CHUCK DOWNS Cartoonist

Haikus amuse meBut sometimes can confuse me

Refrigerator

I always fi nd random things in my pockets at the end of the day: paper clips, gum wrappers, dry cleaning receipts and the ever-present lint. These drawings are what’s left in my head when the day is done: the random “pocket lint” of my brain.

Chuck Downs is a carbon-based form of cartoonist who lives in Florida with his wife and two children. By day, he is vice president of marketing for a company that clearly does not conduct very thorough background checks. By night, he fi ghts crime. Now that he is old-er, his experience only walks the gamut for fear of pulling a ham-string. He often “misuses” quota-tion marks, and likes to frequently split his infi nitives.

Funnies Extra! will feature at least four straight issues of comic strips and panels from aspiring, non-syndicated cartoonists. Comic strips or

cartoon panels may be published from cartoonists of any age, with a short

bio. For submission guidelines and information,go to: www.funnies-extra.com/submissions. Send each furnished strip as a

PDF fi le along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 5 to 10 color submissions to: [email protected] and type “Spotlight” in the subject line.Good luck and have fun! (participation void where prohibited)

HOLLYWEIRD by MARK SIMON

14 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013

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Quimby Appraisal Right of Way ServiceS LLC

21 Quimby RoadBrooks, ME [email protected] 207.722.3247 (phone, fax)207.557.3201 (cell)

Certified General AppraiserCertified Maine Assessor

Ray Quimby

MARK SIMON Producer/Director/Cartoonist

Mark Simon is 25-year fi lm & TV veteran amassing over 3,000 production credits including animation producer on Larry the Cable Guy’s latest movie, Tooth Fairy 2. His storyboard and animation companies, www.Storyboards-East.com, have included clients such as Disney, Uni-versal, Viacom, Sony, HBO, Nickelodeon, FOX, Steven Spielberg, USA Networks, ABC Tele-vision and many others. His experience selling original TV series lead to his founding www.SellYourTvConceptNow.com to mentor other creators. He is also the author of ten popular industry texts, and lectures around the world at major conferences, entertainment trade schools and universities.

POCKET LINT by CHUCK DOWNS

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ACROSS1 Concert souvenir 73 Bar-sign gas 28 Give the eye5 Kind of scout 29 Crushing victory9 Pac-Man enemy DOWN 31 Make last, maybe

14 Building toy 1 Big piece 32 Blueprint15 Square footage 2 Spill the beans 36 Part of a.k.a.16 Main blood line 3 Like a fabled 37 Bakery items17 Assigned portion duckling 38 Like some losers19 Sound reasoning 4 Prohibition figure 41 Decorative 20 Ms. Danner of 5 Casino regular pitcher

film 6 Hot temper 42 Fragrant21 Like some signs 7 Monthly expense 45 Beef or lamb23 Not as much 8 Most recent 49 Head's opposite25 Sargasso, for 9 Like a good 50 Arrival en masse

one knight 52 Flinch, perhaps26 Take-home pay 10 Knee-slapper 53 Violin stroke27 Deteriorated 11 Choir 54 "To ____ own 30 Winery event accompaniment self be true..."33 Keyed up 12 Stadium 57 Rower's need34 Historical period entrance 59 Outer limit35 Critter catchers 13 Be silent, in 60 Social starter39 Garden pest music 62 Fork prong40 Steamboat site 18 Beat-heat link 63 Mindful of43 Mixed dish 22 Ring of blooms 64 Hammer part44 Middle Brady boy 24 Delhi dress 67 ___ and 46 Part of IOU 27 WWII female flier Bradstreet47 Computer

operator48 The "R" in AARP51 Amount to win

by52 Ho-hum routine55 Knotts or Rickles56 Large cross58 Collectible paper

items61 HP product65 Obey, with "by"66 Emphasize

writing68 Kicking dance69 Blow away70 Feed the kitty71 Twitter posting72 Heloise offering

The Weekly Crossword

Answer to Last Week's Crossword

by Margie E. Burke

Copyright 2012 by The Puzzle Syndicate

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

14 15 16

17 18 19

20 21 22

23 24 25 26

27 28 29 30 31 32

33 34 35 36 37 38

39 40 41 42 43

44 45 46 47

48 49 50 51

52 53 54 55 56 57

58 59 60 61 62 63 64

65 66 67

68 69 70

71 72 73

B O D E S E E P P A S H AE V E N O V E R O W N E RT A L C M E R E I N U R EA L L A M E R I C A N B O A

M A D E A R T HP R O P M A N R I S I B L EH U M M Y O P I A G L E NA R E N A T O O C H E A TS A G O R I T U A L E V EE L A S T I C S L E E P E R

E A V E S L A XS P A W E A T H E R C O C KW O U L D B O A R I R O NA L T E R L O N G S A N EM O O D Y E D D Y E L S E

THE DEEP END by TYSON COLESPECTICKLES by BILL ABBOTT

VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 15

No minimum balance or monthly fees.

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check, but accepted anywhere you see VISA.

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Mobile Banking Check balances and make transfers anywhere, anytime, from a mobile device. (text/data rates may apply)

e-Servicesenjoy our convenient

also...Free Personal Checking Accounts

135 WALDO AVENUE, BELFAST, ME 04915 | (207)338-5160 FAX: (207)338-6129222 COLLEGE AVENUE, WATERVILLE, ME 04901 | (207)872-5602 FAX: (207)872-5776

www.kswfcu.org

© 2011 Bill Abbott / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Answers to last month’s crossword

Page 16: Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine - February 2013

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16 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 12 - FEBRUARY 2013