Fun Facts About English

8/12/2019 Fun Facts About English

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English OdditiesI've a Spelling Chequer

Why English pronunciation is so difficult

How to spell potato

Sniglets of the English language

Socrates

Poem of English

Mark Twain's plan to improve spelling

The great enemies of intellectual life Teaching anecdotes and spelling poems

How you can spot a Canadian, eh?

The logic of double positives

The bass swam around the bass drum

The joy of teaching

Ax me no questions; I'll tell you no lice

Q as in...?

Verbally insane Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer- back to top

Eye halve a spelling chequerIt came with my pea seaIt plainly marques four my revueMiss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a wordAnd weight four it two sayWeather eye am wrong oar writeIt shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maidIt nose bee fore two longAnd eye can put the error riteIts rarely ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw itI am shore your pleased two noIts letter perfect in it's weighMy chequer tolled me sew.

-- Sauce unknownWhy English pronunciation is so difficult- back to top

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
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A "sniglets" is the creation of new blend words to fit a supposed need in the lexicon of the Englishlanguage. An example: "furnidents" - the indentations left in the carpet where furniture once stood.

Here are some more that have started to circulate the Internet (their true creators seemsunknown):

1. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money tostart with.

3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

4. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

8. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is, like, sending off all these really bad vibes, right?And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.

9. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that aregood for you.

10. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

11. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance you perform just after you've accidentally walkedthrough a spider web.

12. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in themorning and cannot be cast out.

This is a selection of sniglets that were published by Raymond J. Rundus, Professor Emeritus of English at the University ofNorth Carolina at Pembroke, who does not claim ownership in their creation. Please also visit his highly entertaining blog onwww.fayettevillenc.com.

Socrates- back to top

A young man came to Socrates one time and said, "Mr. Socrates, I have come 1,600 miles to talkto you about wisdom and learning."He said, "You are a man of wisdom and learning, and I would like to be a man of wisdom andlearning."

Socrates said, "Come follow me," and he led the way down to the seashore. They waded out into

the water up to their waists, and then Socrates turned on his friend and held his head under thewater.His friend struggled and kicked and bucked and tried to get away, but Socrates held him down.Now if you hold someone's head under the water long enough, he will eventually become fairlypeaceable. And after this man had stopped struggling, Socrates laid him out on the bank to dry,and he went back to the market place.

After the young man had dried out a little bit, he came back to Socrates to find the reason for thisrather unusual behavior.Socrates said to him, "When your head was under the water, what was the one thing you wanted
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Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,And then singer, ginger, linger,Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,Nor does fury sound like bury.Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.Job, knob, bosom, transom, oath.Though the differences seem little,We say actual but victual.Refer does not rhyme with deafer.Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.Mint, pint, senate and sedate;Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,Science, conscience, scientific.Liberty, library, heave and heaven,Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.We say hallowed, but allowed,People, leopard, towed, but vowed.Mark the differences, moreover,Between mover, cover, clover;Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,Chalice, but police and lice;Camel, constable, unstable,Principle, disciple, label.Petal, panel, and canal,Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succour, four.Gas, alas, and Arkansas.Sea, idea, Korea, area,Psalm, Maria, but malaria.Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.Doctrine, turpentine, marine.Compare alien with Italian,Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.Say aver, but ever, fever,Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.Heron, granary, canary.Crevice and device and aerie.Face, but preface, not efface.Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.Ear, but earn and wear and tearDo not rhyme with here but ere.Seven is right, but so is even,Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,


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Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!Is a paling stout and spikey?Won't it make you lose your wits,Writing groats and saying grits?It's a dark abyss or tunnel:Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,Islington and Isle of Wight,Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?Hiccough has the sound of cup.My advice is to give up!

From the Internet, source unknown.Mark Twain's plan to improve English spelling- back to top

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s",and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.

The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt withlater.

Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wileYear 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse andfor all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with uselessdouble konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoistkonsonants.

Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bainow jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in iusxrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

The great enemies of intellectual life- back to top

Abraham Lincoln tells somewhere that as a boy when he met an obscureor ambiguous sentence in his reading it threw him into a sort of rage.The fact is that this was simply a form of instinct for clear thinking whichis found in every child and manifests itself abundantly to the perception of

the good teacher.

Far more important than any particular piece of knowledge, thangeography or arithmetic or spelling, is this love of clearness in our mentallife and instinctive hatred of confusion and obscurity.

Let us learn to know what we know clearly and definitely, and also howwe know it.
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The great intellectual need of men and women in the outer world is not somuch more knowledge as it is better knowledge and better thinking.There is much philosophy in the humorist's remark, "It was never myignorance that done me up, but the things I know'd that wasn't so."

The great enemies of intellectual life are superstition, gullibility, andfallacious reasoning. A mere knowledge of facts, important as that is, isno safeguard against these.

A conscious desire and resolve to think clearly is the true remedy. Ournational success will depend largely upon the development of ageneration of men and women who have formed a love and habit of clearthinking and who can do their part in solving the problems that confrontcivilized man today. Edward O. Sisson, PhD., Professor of Education, University ofWashington,from The Essentials of Character

Teaching anecdotes & spelling poems from HeliumHow to tell a Canadian from an American- back to top

It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet.When the Canadian got to the end, he'd say "zed" instead of "zee".But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a lot of Canadian kids to say "zee," and it's starting tosound as natural as it does south of the 49th parallel.

Another test used to be the word "lieutenant".Canadians pronounced it in the British was, "leftenant", while Americans say "lootenant".But American cop shows and army shows and movies have eroded that difference, too.

Canadians have been adopting American spelling as well.They used to put a "u" in words like labour. The main organizationin the country, the equivalent ofthe AFL-CIO, is still officially called the Canadian Labour Congress.But news organizations have been wiping out that distinction by adopting American spelling,mostly to make it easier to use news copy from such agencies as Associated Press without a lot ofchanges.So it's "Canadian Labor Congress" when the Canadian Press, the national news agency, writesabout it.

Some pronunciations, considered true tests of Canadians, are not as reliableas they're thought.Take the word "house" for example. When some Canadians say it, it sounds very Scottish inAmerican ears. Visiting Americans trying to reproduce what they hear usually give the Canadianpronunciation as "hoose".The same for "out" and "about". The way some Canadians say them sounds like "oot" and "aboot"

to many Americans. And when an American says "house" to a Canadian, the Canadian often hearsa bit of an "ay" in it, something like "hayouse".

But pronunciation isn't a good test because people from different parts of Canada speak differently.A resident of the Western province of Alberta, where there has been a considerable inflow ofsettlers from the United States, may sound like a Montanan or a Dakotan.

Then there's the ubiquitous Canadian expression "eh?" - pronounced "ay?"This is a better test because many Canadians tack it on to the end of every assertion to turn it intoa question.


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Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)The logic of double positives- back to top

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day."In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."The bass swam around the bass drum...- back to top

I was having lunch at the faculty club with a recent acquaintance when a young man approachedmy table, handed me a slip of paper, said "Two more" and walked away. My companion and Iwere just beginning to discuss the project that we had agreed to lunch about when another mancame up, gave me another slip of paper, said "Three, maybe four" with an air of quiet triumph andleft. A woman dropped off the next slip. "Only one this time," she said, "not a large number, butafter awhile the mind tends to grow number.""Would it be presumptuous to ask what this is all about?" my vis--vis said."Not at all," I said. "It's a kind of game--trying to find a word that has two separate pronunciations,two distinct meanings, but only one spelling. Word games used to be used more often, but it's asubject I didn't intend to subject you to since you're an economist." He looked slightly annoyed."The last economist I tried it on got his wind up before I'd even had a chance to wind up," Iexplained. "This is more likely to appeal to literary people.""Economists are not necessarily illiterate," he said. "Can you give me an example or two?"I handed him the slip the first man had given me. He unfolded it and read aloud: "The bass swamaround the bass drum on the ocean floor." He paused to blink, then continued: "The buck doesodd things when the does are in heat ... You sure this isn't some sort of a private code?""Something I'd only intimate to my most intimate friends?" I said. "By no means." I handed himthe slip the woman had given me, sure that it would be a good one; her mind moves so supplythat she had already added a dozen to the total supply."A crow can scatter wheat seeds, but can a sow sow corn?" he read, and laughed, but I sighedbecause the example duplicated one that had already been given me by a physicist obsessed withthe game. "Oh!" my lunch companion said. "I get it. But what's the problem? There must bedozens of words that meet your three conditions.""They're rather hard to find. Name one if you can."His silence lasted quite awhile but his lips kept moving."Are you having dessert?" the waitress asked."After dessert she deserted..." he started off happily, but I interrupted with: "No good; thespelling must be the same.""Oh." Then after a pause, "But suppose I said: 'She wished she could desert him in the desert'?""On the nose--same spelling, two meanings, two pronunciations.""Give me a few more from your approved list," he said."A couple should be enough to present you with at present. First, a rather sweet one: 'Afterwatching the seagull dive for a fish, the dove dove.'""Lovely," he said. "Go on.""OK, a final example," I said. "'The town dump is so full that it may have to start to refuse refuse.And if that makes the mayor blow his fuse, who will refuse him?'""That's a double," he said accusingly, and then added on with sudden inspiration: "When mymother-in-law accompanied us on our honeymoon trip to Niagara, I nearly threw the old dam overthe dam.""Two-thirds OK, but the pronunciation is the same in both.""D---," he said. Then, after a pause: "How about: 'In trigonometry, the sine is a sine que non '?""Sorry," I said gently, "foreign languages don't count. Although one contribution, 'It's unwise torub pt into one's pate,' struck me as so charming that I was tempted to give it a visa.""Why not?" he said. "Must you be so intransigent?"I sighed. "You make me feel that my sole object is to object. But I allow one great exception:'Man's laughter can be crueler than manslaughter.'"


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"That's really awe-inspiring. Do these things have a name?""Of course: heteronyms, logical relatives of synonyms, homonyms and antonyms."The next morning's mail brought seven sound ones from my lunch companion--not a bit to mysurprise. Heteronyms spread like happy rumors, perhaps because they're so useful in warding offinsomnia, migraines or irritation with airplane delays. A two-page list came from apaleoanthropologist on the same day that a novelist swam up to me on Martha's Vineyard and said,"I saw the weirdest thing in town: a hand reaching up from a manhole wielding a threaded needle.It's the first time I ever came upon a sewer in a sewer."We are, I think, coming close to a close with the contents of the master list, combining theinspirations of several score heteronymophiles for a 49-word total, including 16 you may or maynot have spotted on this page.Source: November 1988 edition of the Smithsonian magazine, written by Felicia Lamport

The joy of teaching- back to top

Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and gathering them around him, he spoke:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven...Blessed are the meek...Blessed are they that mourn...Blessed are the merciful...Blessed are they that thirst for justice when persecuted...Blessed are you when you suffer...Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven.

Then Simon Peter said, "Are we supposed to know this?"And Andrew said, "Do we have to write this down?"And James said, "Is this examinable?"And Phillip said, "Is there an answer guide in the library?"And Bartholomew said, "What came after poor?"And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this!"And Mark said, "Don't take the overhead off yet."And Matthew went to the bathroom.

One of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson plan and enquired of Jesus,"Where are your anticipatory set and your objectives in the cognitive domain?"

... and Jesus wept.From the Internet, source unknown.

Ax me no questions; I'll tell you no lice- back to top

Spelling skills are declining in the United States, according to the latest "Futurist" magazine. Well,da. I mean, duh.I've always considered spelling a weird hangup propagated by that anal-retentive guy Webster

just to sell a few books.Dictionaries have become one of the most culturally divisive aspects of modern society. Justbecause stodgy old dudes like Daniel Webster believed there was only one way to spell a worddoesn't mean our sovereign spelling rights should be violated.Let me ax you a question. Shouldn't spelling keep up with the current pronunciation of words?You can't watch a television talk show these days without people "axing" each other to death withquestions. If kids spend their early years in schools where questions are "axed", not "asked," howcan you expect them to know that the letters "s" and "k" are somehow associated with the word?And that's an easy one. How about all the words out there that mean exactly the same thing butare spelled differently? How do you explain to a youngster that the wild beasts called"wildebeests" in Africa and "antelopes" in America are old "gnus" to everyone else?Gnu, by the way, is one of those gnarly words that gnaw and gnash like a gnostic gnat on thecommon-sense lobe of our brains.


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Why does the letter G command such a prominent position in these words and yet pull so littleactual duty?Who was the G whiz who invented the Verbal Stealth Technology that renders such Gsphonetically invisible? Or are these words alien vessels, equipped with Klingon Cloaking Devicesthat selectively shield certain letters from audio detection?I challenge you to bravely go where no reader has gone before and explore the following sentence:The new gnu knew which witch a night knight might now know, but not which waves waifs waivewhen surfing serfs, where we were, wear wire ware at noon and from one to two, too.YOU can imagine how frightening a flight through such a sentence would be for, say, a 7-year-oldchild attempting to learn our language. It's the type of sentence that might make the child flee toanother country where language adheres to certain natural laws, such as gravity.But when it comes to the English language, there is no gravity. What marginal laws of spellingthere are - such as "I before E except after C" - are cavalierly suspended at will by the languagegods. For proof, we merely have to turn to "science."Kids learn certain things early in life. And one of them is, when you gotta "P," you gotta "P,"period. That is, unless "P" starts hanging out with incorrigible letters such as "H." Then the "P"forsakes its P-ness, dons the phonetic trappings of a completely different letter and sashaysaround town pretending to be an "F." It's pointless and sad. Especially when a child discovers herdream of a "pony" has become a "phony" simply because our language forefathers (andforemothers) could not control their alphabet.Is it so surprising, then, that kids 2day find language 2 hard 2 handle and look 4 ways 2 takespelling shortcuts?And technology has been no help. Computer spell-checkers are sullen and moody and steadfastlyrefuse to do their job.The cheapest computer on the market can slice pi to the three-millionth digit but pretends like itdoesn't know the difference between "cent" and "sent." If you want my two scents worth, thatstinks. And stinks.So maybe spelling skills are declining. But just remember, while seasonings change, thymemarches on and the brave gnu, whirled, keeps turning.Charles Memminger, 8/11/95, Honolulu Lite

Q as in ...?- back to top

Do you know this joke?A gangster is calling an arms dealer, trying to tell him over a bad phone connection that he wants"GUNS."Since the dealer doesn't understand he asks him to spell the word, and here's what the gangstersaid... " 'G' for Jeans 'U' for Onions 'N' for Knickers 'S' for Cement."

Below you'll find the "official way" to spell letters, sometimes also called the NATO alphabet. Thisalphabet dates back to the fifties and is approved by the International Civil Aviation Organization,the FAA and the International Telecommunication Union, although variations are common.Alpha (Alfa)BravoCharlieDeltaEchoFoxtrotGolfHotelI ndiaJ uliet (Juliett, Juliette)KiloLimaMikeN ovemberO scar (Oskar)P apaQ uebec


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You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a languagein which your house can burn up as it burns down,in which you fill in a form by filling it out,and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

So if Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't Mop?

And I've often wondered: How come we park in a driveway and drive ona parkway? Makes no sense!

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