From the Hart: An OWBC

Part 1.3: Brian, Bees and Business

Well, hello there! We’re at Three Lakes with the Hart family, and if you don’t recognise that colourful weirdo, you should probably check out the past couple of chapters. Don’t worry, we’ll wait for you. All good? Let’s go!

First thing’s first, let’s find the map to the Hidden Burrows! Randy gets to dig while his children get to run wild. Which is pretty normal for them, actually.

“No, lady, I don’t talk too much, it’s all in your head! I’m going to block your voice out of my head! La la la la!” She must have really upset him, because that kid has 10 nice points. And 10 outgoing points. Okay, the boy’s an extreme bundle of fun. He’s the youngest of the Hart brood, in case you forgot, Randy’s little alien spawn.

Then you have the middle child, Orchid, an uncontrollable Bad Apple, who Onyx is currently shooting. She follows him around like a shadow, but seeing as they’re near enough the same age, can you blame her?

“No, I don’t know what the Chest Pound is, sir, but it looks incredibly neat. Would you like to show me again? I’m very confused by your actions.” I could basically follow these two round all day, but we’ve got other things to look at, too.

Like Randy teaching his kids to Chest Pound! I am pretty sure that gesture is now going to haunt us until Orchid’s great grandchildren have grown up.

“Whee! This so much fun! We should get a hammock at home, I think Mum would love it. I love Mum, she needs a hug. I like hugs, I think I should go hug someone now, instead of sleeping!” He’s just so cute.

“Okay kids, I like, totally made a mistake and now we’re lost.” “Dad, what if that hut up there has a phone? We could TOTALLY use it!” “Good thinking, Blossom dude!”

And that’s how the Hart family met Brian the Bigfoot. “A strange new dance with a giant hairy man? This is the best fun I’ve had all day, and I totally spent all morning playing on a hammock!”

“So like, hairy dude, you have a pretty groovy thing going on here.” “Thank you, colourful human.” “But like, wouldn’t you just love running water and other groovy things?” “I spy with my little eye…my Dad CHATTING UP a hairy stranger!” “Shush Blossom, let me talk to this dude.”

So Blossom left her Dad to it, and went out to hunt for bugs. We’re getting pretty close to a full set now. “BEES! FRICKING BEES! AGAIN!”

After another visit from the bees, Blossom gave up bug hunting and joined her siblings in showing Brian a more modern dance. “So like, my kids seem to think you’re groovy, that’s cool, right?” “Small humans are pretty…groooo-veee?” “Yes, man! Groovy!”

“Are we ever going home, Blossom?” “I don’t think so, Orchid. And I REALLY need a shower. Like REALLY BADLY.” “I know, we have noses.”

“So my kids are like, hungry and stinky, and I really need to get going, but you should totally come live with us, hairy dude!” “Sounds good, colourful human.” And with that, Brian joined the Hart family.

“You know, guys, we should PROBABLY eat and sleep instead of fish.” “No way, I love fishing! Just like I love hammocks, and dancing, and the big hairy guy, and Dad, and Mum, and you guys, and-” “I think I get it, little man.”

Orchid is used to doing everything-but-sleeping, and when her siblings did eventually retire to the tent, Orchid decided it was time to harass the locals instead. Because what else are Bad Apples for?

“You know, I wonder if it was like, a good idea to send Brian back to your Mum with no explanation.” “MRRPPFFLLL!” “Whoa, little dude, you have a point there!” Most of the Hart family eat like that, so they’ve all begun learning how to decipher food-language.

Anyway, with the last mouthful of flapjacks eaten and the bees dispersed after their latest attack, it was time to head home.

Back at the house, Kana had found an unusual stranger outside. “And who might you be?” “I am Brian, night human! I live here!” “Do you?”

“Brian stay FOREVER!” “Well, you certainly are charming, Brian!” Brian Bigfoot Popularity Rock God 9/2/6/3/5 (Virgo)

Things settled back into a routine pretty quickly after the holiday. Blossom taught her little sister just how fun the bubble blower could be. “Are you sure Dad’s okay with me using this?” “OF COURSE, Orchid! Dad LOVES sharing his bubbles!”

And it was true, of course, and a great way for Randy to bond with his middle child. A bit unconventional, but nothing about these guys is normal, really.

Meanwhile, Onyx found the toy helicopter, and decided to use it almost constantly. “I love helicopters, almost as much as I love hammocks and Brian and water balloons and fishing and-”

And Brian built the family a servo, because between my four controllable Harts, there is eight neat points, and seven of those belong to Kana. They need all the help they can get! This is Binaree. No one judge me, it was late and seemed like a good idea at the time! Binaree Bigfoot Popularity Mayor 9/2/6/3/5 (Virgo) Cologne/Make-Up – Red Hair

“A robot, really, Randall? Do we need this nonsense in our home?” “I think so, babe. Look, we got roaches.” I couldn’t remember if you were allowed to call an exterminator or not in an OWBC, but I ended up calling one. I just couldn’t risk the endless amounts of flu.

Elsewhere, Blossom was having a night off from the bug hunting, to show off her other talents. I knew she was playful, and yet somehow forgot that would make her a tub pirate.

So all in all, the vacation ended up adding two new controllables to the household, and bumping the flamingo count right up. It’s a good thing I gave up on the wishing well idea, because this is getting ridiculous!

I’ll tell you what else is ridiculous – expecting servos to make your life easier!

That evening, because apparently I didn’t have enough to do with keeping everyone alive, the headmaster was invited over from the local academy. It looks like he’ll be just fine here. “Dude, I totally dig your hat and glasses.” “They are quite groovy, aren’t they? I love your hair, man.”

When the headmaster arrived, I noticed this strange patch of ashes, and had a sudden panic that a) Kana had escaped and died or b) someone had been struck by lightening. But it turns out everyone was fine, so I have no idea where these mysterious ashes came from.

“Randy, dude, you have a robot? That is the coolest thing!” “I know, man!”

“I love you babe, but do you like, think biting me in front of the headmaster was a good move?” “I think he is a little preoccupied by our wonderful home cooking.” “Duuuude, my food is so sparkly!” “Point taken.”

Despite everything, the headmaster welcomed the kids with a score of 121. “Randy, man, it’d be a total honour to have your kids at the Bubblehead Academy of Alternative Education!” “Alright, man! You can stop by whenever!”

Orchid decided to celebrate her new school by jumping all over the double bed and stopping anyone from using it. Hooray for Bad Apples, right?

Also that night – it was a busy evening for the Harts – Kana and Brian finished up the portraits of the servo and the bigfoot for the wall. Now all they need is a photo of the kids and a novel, and Family Scrapbook is done for the generation!

Remember that thing I said about servos supposedly making lives easier? Well, look who’s doing all of the gardening!

“FRICKING BEES!” Two more bugs, and Blossom will never have to see bees again! So, so close!

That said, the bees must have been chasing her when she got onto the school bus, because she had a cloud of them following her when she got home. But they didn’t seem to bother her, and disappeared the next time she was attacked by bees.

“Look, Dad! First day at the academy and I got an A+!” “I’m so proud of my little apple!”

“Hey, Dad! Look who also got an A+ on their first day of school! Only mine’s my first EVER day of school, so I think it’s much more impressive, but I’m proud of Orchid ‘cause she’s like, had to try really hard for everything and-” “Well done, little man! Now go enjoy yourself!” “Ooh, which thing should I do first? I really love the helicopter, but-”

“Look, sister! I’m smustling with a robot and it is the best! Lots of things are the best, don’t you think?” “Can you be quiet for a minute, Onyx?” “Quiet? I don’t know what that word means, sister. Can you explain it to me like how you explained fractions? Or like how Dad loves bubbles?”

Elsewhere, Blossom was glaring at her reflection. “I got spots? But HOW?” Blossom paused for a moment, “THE BEES. THE FRICKING BEES.”

That night, Randy got out his camera and took a picture of his kids, and finished up all the photos for the generation. Only the novel to go, now! And I know it’s not as pretty as my usual family pictures, but have you ever tried taking a pretty picture with a Bad Apple?

“DAD! Orchid won’t stop shooting me! Make her stop! It hurts!” “It doesn’t hurt, little dude. Shh now, Dad’s trying to write a totally groovy book on his life.” And he did – Randy’s novel is called “Like, Life And Stuff” and was pretty successful. It also meant Family Scrapbook is done for the generation!

“My teacher was totally right, this is the best way to relax!” I wonder about the curriculum at that school.

“Blossom, my dear, I feel you need to join your mother as a creature of the night!” Please, no! What if she bites Orchid when she’s old enough? I can’t cure her, or control her, and chances are she’ll die!

“HEY MUM, you TOTALLY made my acne more noticeable!” And with that, she cured herself. But I’m going to be on edge the entire time when Orchid grows up!

It’s like an album cover, or something :P But where are these guys off to?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Beachside Boolprop! This is the beginnings of our Boolprop Clubhouse, and um, money ran out half way through construction.

Doesn’t it just look like the most fun place to hang out in the whole world? Keep your negativities to yourself

It soon turned into a venue for lots of other things, like teaching dance… -------- That alien sim is Esmeiolanthe, who writes Already in Progress, and multiple spin-offs including Ruth’s (u)OWBC

…kicky bag tournaments… ------ That dude on the left is Big Lenny, who writes Standing the Test of Time: A Legacy

…and water balloon fights! So in the end, they all made their own fun despite the clubhouse being a bit naff. ---- That’s Keika, the author of The White Legacy, Wynter Wonderland: A WYDC and Clitheroe: A BaRKC

And despite all of that hard work, socialising with the locals, the business day ended with the clubhouse still on level 0. Lame. I think that’s enough for one update, don’t you? See you soon!