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Issue 47 | February 2016 | 4 Pages | For free circulation only

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From the Editor

This issue, while concentrating on Valentine’s Day, covers a variety of other subjects too. We have two prose poems from our youth on the subject of ‘nagging’ from their point of view and a lovely article on Family Valentine’s Day. It is our hope that the great article ‘a time for new beginnings and change’ will help you get out of negativity!

You would be doing FEMNET and the women around the world a great favour by contributing articles on International Women’s Day, on or before Monday, February 29th - celebrated annually on March 8th. Kindly help us to make women around the world aware of this Day nominated by the U.N. for our benefit. There is a great conversational article with a daughter seeking to know what International Women’s Day is all about. Read about this in the Article ‘What is so Special about 8th March’ from a youth’s point of view!

We hope you will enjoy reading this Issue and that you, and / or your friends, will continue to support FEMNET with articles, poems and inspir ing stor ies. Remember – FEMNET is your newsletter - it is for women and by women! Anything new is always NEWS, worthy to be posted in FEMNET!

We end with a plea that, on March 8th, all women who have read this Issue, lights a candle for every woman around the world, praying for peace and love in their lives and hearts too.

We take this opportunity to wish our subscribers and readers a Happy Valentine’s Day. Do enjoy it with your significant halves, families and friends.

For The Editorial Team

FOUNDER

Sr. Thecla Pereira (Vasco, India)

WHAT IS LOVE?

What is Love

A Family Valentine’s Day

Belonging to Cupid, the Matchmaker

Nag... Nag... Nag

Easter - A Time for New Beginnings and Change

What’s So Special about 8th March

INDEX

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John and Andrea were at the church door looking very down hearted and were waiting to meet the Parish Priest late in the evening. Looking at them one could guess that something had gone wrong... Just a few months married and all the glow and the happiness on their faces was all lost. What happened? Can you guess?

I dedicate this article “what is love” to all the newly married couples of 2016. We will soon be celebrating Valentine's Day, the season of hearts and LOVE, a very much needed spice, for a successful married life.

The history of us all could be read in an unending quest for love, to love and be loved, in return. We are all made by love and for love. This is the inner meaning of our existence and it's only through love that we find personal fulfilment. Unfortunately however, love is a very misunderstood and much abused term. It is a term which is used to describe relationships as different as day and night

Are you going to give up trying to build a life together because your husband isn't the knight in the shining armour or your wife isn't the movie star that you had in mind when you married? Three is a crowd, your wife, yourself, and your dream. If you really want to stay married, divorce your dream.

The trend today is you do your “thing”, I do my “thing”, yes but where do we do these things? In some vacuum, in spheres so distinct that we never meet, cross each other's path, or need

to seize the other for your own fulfilment but rather to give oneself to the other for her/his fulfilment. It takes time, patience and commitment to prepare ourselves for real love, just as a child who is just beginning to walk leans on everything he can find to help along. Keep leaning on the mercy of God.. God is not finished with any of us and in His Mercy He loves us as we are. He does not give up on us. He loves us as we are. Believe this of you and the other who God has gifted you, as your soul mate, and life will be a beautiful exchange of give and take, of love and forgiveness.

The fruit of love is joy. Love is the road that leads you to God. Your love, your relationship will hold inexhaustible possibilities for you, the harvest of which will be, a happy home and a safe place for your children. Start loving each other with a new and renewed generosity as on your wedding day you declared “For better or worse, in sickness and health I will love you”. Wow!

For you, who are, on the brink of separating, it never too late to really “Marry”. A happy marriage which has the power to give life, in small ways, bring a bigger meaning to everyone around and keep the whole universe in true balance . That we can love even though we have been sorely tried by our disappointment is an uncounted blessing -to continue to invest ourselves in the other even though we have scars of many hurt. A better future is our inheritance.

Love does not come to an end! May every day be Valentine's Day. Celebrate your love!

somebody else's help. The fact is part of doing our thing is learning to do it in relationship to the o t h e r a n d t h e i r interest. Not even the most remote artist or poet pretend to total independence. Even as I write this article I lean on the inspiration of other writers and books .

To love does not mean

Cherie Fernandes (New Jersey, USA)

Cherie is a 13 year old 7th Grader in West Windsor, New Jersey.

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A FAMILY VALENTINE DAY!

Chocolates. Teddy Bears. Roses. I only realized what day it was when I noticed that my pancakes weren't round.

“What is that?” I'm sorry to say I fairly demanded when I saw the blob-like shape on my plate.

“It's a pancake” my sister, Sarah, leaned over to inform me, brandishing a pink spatula. I stared her down.

“Your hair is in the butter”.

She immediately jumped back to check her curls, which were pulled into two pigtails with red, sparkly bows, no doubt the work of my Grandma.

“I don't see anything…”

“Psych.” I said dryly. She glared, and my Mother chose that moment to come waltzing into the room. Yes. Waltzing.

“Not you too.” I had whined, as I watched her drop yet another deformed pancake heart in the tray. She smiled, and I took in the fuzzy pink slippers, the red sweater, and the apron decorated with roses; she was beyond help. Mom laughed at my sour face.

“Don't kill the mood” She mock-scolded, bopping me over the head with an oven mitt. I swatted her away. Sarah was giggling when sudden footsteps on the stairs proclaimed the arrival of my Dad. I expected him to come walking briskly down the stairs and begin those morning phone calls, surely he wouldn't be sucked into the Valentine craze. Alas, I was disappointed as a booming voice entered the room before he did.

“Good Morning Girls!” He stressed the word “girls” so it sounded like “gurls”, his rare form of endearment. He actually swaggered into the room and swept up Mom, caus i ng Sa rah and I t o immediately avert our eyes. He then danced over to the table, pulled us into a

hug, and culminated his performance by plopping into a chair and grabbing one of the so-called-pancakes. Oh shoot. I surrender. My dad has that ability to change the mood of the room if he actually tries to, which he did.

I am usually one of the most stubborn people on the planet, but in less than an hour I found myself popping chocolate cupcakes into the oven. Sarah, who couldn't have been happier if it was her birthday, was decorating the other batch, actually putting the, what else, heart-shaped sprinkles on them one by one. I stopped to wonder where all this red and pink and white stuff even came from, when I noticed Grandma placing some red roses into a vase on the kitchen counter, and was happy to see that she was enjoying herself. I didn't let them play that music, though. Celine Dion got as far as “I see you, I feel y-” before I had pounced on the sound system and switched the playlist, despite mom's fervent protests.

We watched “Enchanted”, the Disney movie. And it was when the chipmunk fell through the well that I realized' that our entire family hadn't actually sat down together and watched a movie together in… well, a really long time. And even though I'm a bored, anti-Valentine teenager, the movie was sappy, and we burned the cupcakes, I got into bed thinking that I did have fun on Valentine's Day.

Can we do this again? We have to wait a year. The next morning would be a regular day. Sarah would wake up late with sleep in her eyes. Grandma would tie her hair into one ponytail, not two curly pigtails. Mom would wear the blue apron, not the heart one. Dad would walk briskly down the stairs and start his morning phone calls. We won't sit at home and watch “Enchanted”. My pancakes will be round.

BELONGING TO CUPID, THE MATCH MAKER

A skip and

A beat,

The tiniest flutter

Before the heart

Starts to dance

At a glimpse

Of its lover...

The cheeks, they pale

But then blush

To the sound

Of "Hey!"

Called softly

Merely a whisper...

The sweetest of feels

Runs through the heart

Sunflowers and roses

Lilies and orchids, even daffodils...

Each kind, a different color

The heart, it is a drunken

Painter!

With every skipping beat

The heart breathes

An array of colors

For its lover...

Every colorful breath

Has a name

A mood, a sentiment.

The breaths, they are

Never the same...

One does stand out though

It is love.

And this, the heart

Blows out for its dear

On the Day of Valentines'

Spreading

All happiness in belonging

To Cupid, the match-maker...!

Fredrika Menezes (Goa, India)

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Brenda Maria Vaz Menezes (Porvorim, Goa)

In Kenya, I taught English to year six students at the Aga Khan Academy, Mombasa.

The poems below written by two boys are priceless. They make us parents reflect about how we are perceived by our children as we nag them unintentionally … or … intentionally.

NAG… NAG… NAG

Conversation Poem on Nagging

by Oamar Malik

Go do your homework Oamar

Have you brushed your teeth?

Why is your room so untidy?

I expect it to be cleaned!

Dreaming above the clouds,

No mums, no house!

Where rooms clean themselves,

And no one gives a care!

Stop day dreaming!

And listen to me,

You're not Robin Hood,

So stop watching TV!

I am a boy in a car,

And playing a fancy guitar

Singing above the rainbow,

while wishing upon a star.

Stop asking why

And straighten your tie!

Never tell lies,

And don't forget to say bye!

Skating across the moon,

Flying in hot air balloons,

Having late night parties with ghouls

that never stop to drool.

Don't bite your nails!

Why haven't you done your chores?

Don't you give me that nonsense.

Or I'll make you sweep the floors.

I am abandoned in the trees

And no one can hear me,

For now I am quite so free,

And will be left to be…

Don't sit so close to the computer!

Did you shut the door?

How many times have I told you?

Not to mess the floor!!!

Conversation Poem on Nagging

by Hakeem Morbi

Hakeem! Tidy your room,

Do your homework or else you will meet your doom,

Stop playing that game-Get up!

Don't drink from the thermos-use a cup.

I am a plain simple boy, abandoned in this hell,

No one will bother to hear what I have to say,

Who am I to tell?

First it was okay, and then the world revolved around me

Please tell me that I am something you can see.

Hakeem! Do your Maths! Do your English!

Or I will breathe fire, which you can't extinguish,

Do your Unit, do your French,

Or I will soak you till you are drenched.

A few simple rules, I can't obey,

I guess I will just have to pay,

Though I look forward to one decent day,

-Which is my birthday in May.

Brush your teeth, wash your feet,

Do as I say or you will be dead- meat,

Go brush your hair,

Or for you I will not care.

What did I do to endure this pain?

What happened to good luck?

It usually comes down as rain,

I don't really see if it is fair,

But I will try and improve-I swear.

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EASTER - A TIME FOR NEW BEGINNINGS AND CHANGE!

Dr. Belinda Viegas Mueller (Goa, India)

Dr. Belinda Viegas Mueller, living in Goa, India, works as a consultant psychiatrist and psychotherapist.

in the pit of the steel bowl, making yet another futile attempt to get out, while the yellow cloth still hung down, providing an easy way out! How did it fall in again? Must be a really stupid spider! But there was no point in speculating. More nudging with the spoon and it clambered up the cloth to freedom again. This time I guided it some distance away, so it wouldn't fall in again.

This experience got me thinking. How, so often, we human beings, for all our superior intelligence and knowledge are no cleverer than that little spider! As we go along life, we will inevitably stumble and fall. Sometimes, it's because Life throws hurdles and obstacles at us. Other times, i t ' s b e c a u s e o f o u r o w n f a u l t ; misjudgements, wrong choices and mistakes that lead to us falling into pits of suffering and pain. That, in itself, is not really a problem, because Life expects us to learn from our mistakes and go on, stronger and wiser for the experience. But, how often do we continue making the same wrong moves over and over again and still expect to get a different positive outcome?

Like the negative thoughts we harbour in our minds and play over and over again,

either regrets about the past we cannot change or worries about future events that most probably will never even come to pass, all the while ruining the blessed harmony of the present moment. Or we indulge in unhealthy eating, avoiding any form of wholesome exercise and then rue the illnesses that follow. We continue the same mal-adaptive ways of dealing with our loved ones and expect our relationships to blossom. We follow a dreary, boring old routine and expect to find fulfilment.

Yes, we are creatures of habit. Most times, this works to our great advantage, as we do not have to waste precious time and energy in figuring how to deal with our everyday routine tasks, freeing space for creativity and novelty. But it is just as easy for wrong habits to get deeply engrained. This is where we need to step back, understand the frustrating situation we feel stuck in and find new, more fulfilling ways of dealing with all the old problems.

Even if it means climbing out on an old yellow dish rag.

A few days ago, when I came into the kitchen to make myself an early morning cup of coffee, I found a large spider stuck in the sink. It would attempt to climb up the shiny steel wall, but would fall back again, only to make another futile attempt. I could see it was exhausted - probably been trying to escape for many hours already. I decided to help it and strategically placed a dish rag for it to clamber out on.

In dismay I watched as it circled the sink, but avoided the yellow cloth that would ensure its release from the imprisoning sink. It continued attempting climbing up the sheer steel with the inevitable fall again. Afraid I could hurt it, but realizing it was not going to accept the easy way out that I had provided, I used a spoon to gently nudge it towards the cloth to freedom. Now, forced, it tentatively gripped the cloth, but still needed some nudging till it got to the top, where it lay still, totally exhausted. I left it to recoup and go its spidery way.

Imagine my surprise then, when my coffee was done and I went to place my teaspoon in the sink, to find it back again

Jagriti Shankar (Goa, India)

Jagriti Shankar is a Gender Trainer, a content developer and writer based in Vasco, Goa.

girls who cannot go to school. In some cases women can work at office, but don't get equal opportunities or promotions, or don't get equal pay. And did you notice there are so few women leaders?” and I continued, “Most important is that girls like you should have big dreams, and work hard towards achieving those dreams. And show to the world that you can do anything you want.'

“Oh, I feel sad for the girls who couldn't become what they wanted to become. Now girls can do everything. They can even become an astronaut”, and she declared, “I want to become an astronaut”.

“Yes, I'm sure you will become an astronaut. You will have to study hard.” I said and kissed her forehead.

'Yes, yes, I will, I will”, she shouted, 'but it's my playtime first. You always say that playing sports are important for girls. My friends are waiting. I'm going out to play with my friends.' she ran to the door.

At the door she stopped, looked at me and said, “I think in earlier times they should not have made the system where women were not equal to men. But I'm glad it is changing now, mommy!'

My little girl came from school with purple ribbons in her hand and lots of questions in her head.

“Mom we are preparing to celebrate International Women's Day, we'll put these ribbons on our dress, I've got one for you and one for dad too. We're making some posters and I'll make a greeting card for you”, she told all the plans in one breath.

And as I was having the motherly pleasure of our conversation, she asked, “mom, but why do we celebrate a day for women, what is so special about it, what happens if we celebrate it, and who started it?”

“Slow down, I'll reply all your questions one by one” I said, “but first come to the table for lunch”. I gained some time to recollect my thoughts.

At the lunch table, “mom, please tell now”, she pleaded.

“A day for Women has been celebrated since early 1900 in many countries across the world. No one person, or one country started it. It was a collective effort of many women and men from many countries, who thought that women should be treated equally as men. And women should have equal rights and

equal status in the society as men.” I explained.

“What do you mean by equal rights and status, mommy”, she asked.

“Earlier girls were not allowed to attend school or colleges for studies that means they could not become engineers, doctors or scientists. Girls and women couldn't get medical facilities so many women used to die while giving birth. Women were not allowed to vote that means they could not choose their leader who would work for them”, I said and checked if she was able to understand it.

'That's bad, and then what did women do?” she asked.

“It was not easy to change the society's system, and women had to struggle for it. Many men also helped in bringing the change. The struggle has been continuing since centuries, and it is still going on. So we celebrate 8th March as a day for women's achievements. In some countries it is declared as a national holiday.“ I looked at her and asked, “Did you understand?”

“Oh, I didn't know that. So is it all changed now?” she asked.

“Society's thinking is changing and many things have changed, but still there are

WHAT IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT 8TH MARCH