From Stage to Screen and Back Again

8/7/2019 From Stage to Screen and Back Again

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From Stage to Screen and Back Again

Opening Number

M.C Welcome to our musical revue of shows that have famously made itfrom stage to screen

M.C And some that have started off on the big screen but then gone on to

become stage hits.

M.C Our first musical today started life as a popular animated film before

being transformed into a long running stage show.

M.C Although it should probably be noted that its original inspiration was

a stage play Shakespeares Hamlet.

M.C The show is The Lion King.

M.C And here, Stage One, present a shortened version for you.

SCENES FROM THE LION KING

Zazu: I'm here to announce that King Mufasa is on his way. {bows}

Scar: {Sarcastically overjoyed} Why! If it isn't my big brother descending from on

high to mingle with the commoners.

Mufasa: Sarabi and I didn't see you at the presentation of Simba.

Scar: {Faking astonishment} That was today? Oh, I feel simply

Awful.Musthave slipped my mind.

Zazu: Yes, well, as slippery as your mind is, as the king's brother,you should havebeen firstin line.

Scar: Well, I was first in line, ... until the little hairballwas born.

Mufasa: {Lowering his head and meeting Scar eye to eye} That hairball is myson-andyourfuture king.

Scar: Ohh, I shall practice my curtsy.

{Scar turns away and exits.}___________________

Simba: Dad!Daad! Come on, Dad, we gotta go, wake up!

Sarabi: Your son.... is awake....

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Mufasa: {Also sleepily} Before sunrise, he'syourson.

Simba: Dad? Daad! Come on, Dad! You promised!

Mufasa: {Seeing his son's impatience} Okay, okay. I'm up. I'm up.

Simba: Yeah!

{Mufasa yawns.Simba follows Mufasa up to the top of Pride Rock. The sunrise

illuminates the top of Pride Rock impressively.}

Mufasa: Look Simba. Everything the light touches is our kingdom.

Simba: Wow.

Mufasa: A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day Simba, the sun

will set on my time here- and will rise with you as the new king.

Simba: And thisll all be mine?

Mufasa:Everything.

Simba: Everything the light touches... {Simba looks all around.} What about that

shadowy place?

Mufasa: That's beyond our borders; you must never go there, Simba.

Simba: But I thought a king can do whatever he wants.

Mufasa: Oh, there's more to being king than-- getting your way all the time.

Everything you see exists together, in a delicate balance. As king, you

need to understand that balance, and respect all the creatures-- from the

crawling ant to the leaping antelope.

Simba: But, Dad, don't we eat the antelope?

Mufasa: Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass.

And the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the greatCircle of Life.

{A gopher enters, followed by Zazu.}

Gopher: Mufasa.

Mufasa: {Exasperated} Yes?

Gopher: {Saluting} Sir. News from the underground.{With urgency} Sire!Hyenas!! In the Pride Lands!

Mufasa: {Serious now} Zazu, take Simba home.

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Simba: Oh Dad, can't I come?

Mufasa: {Curtly} No, son.

{Mufasa heads off at a full gallop}

Simba: I never get to go anywhere.

_____________

Simba: Hey, Nala.

Nala: Hi, Simba.

Simba: Come on. I just heard about this great place. It's really cool.

Sarabi: So where is this really cool place?

Simba: Oh.... {thinks} uh ... around the water hole.

Nala: The water hole?! What's so great about the water hole?

Simba: {Whisper} I'll show you when wegetthere.

Nala: {Whisper} Oh.... {normal} Uh.... Mom, can I go with Simba?

Sarafina: Hmm What do you think, Sarabi?

Sarabi: Well...

Nala and Simba: Pleeeease?

Sarabi: It's all right with me....

Sarafina: Then I guess its alright with me

{Nala and Simba are overjoyed}

Nala: All right!

Simba: Yeah!!

____________________________

Nala: It's really creepy.

Simba: Yeah... isn't it great?

Nala: {Relishing her naughtiness} We could get in big trouble.

Simba: {Enjoying it also} I know, huh.

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Three hyenas emerge

Shenzi: Well, well, well, Banzai. What have we got here?

Banzai: Hmm. I don't know Shenzi. Uh What do you think, Ed?

Ed: {Crazy laughter}

{They circle around the cubs.}

Banzai: Yeah, just what I was thinking. Trespassers!!

Hyena 4: Whoa, whoa, wait wait I know you. Youre Mufasas little

stooge.

Simba: I am the future king.

Shenzi: Do you know what we do to kings who step out of their kingdom?

Simba: Puh. You can't do anything me.

Hyena 5: Technically, we can. You are on our land!

Shenzi: We'd love you to stick around for dinner.

Banzai: Yeaaaah!{laughs}

Shenzi: Make mine a cub sandwich. Whatcha think?

Hyena 4: We could have whatevers lion around. Get it? Lion around.

Hyena 5: Itll be a kingfit for a meal!

{Peals of uncontrollable laughter.Simba and Nala run away. Ed jumps up and startsgesticulating and jabbering.}

Shenzi: What? Ed? What is it?

Banzai: {Looking where Ed is pointing} Hey, did we order this dinner togo?

Shenzi: No. Why?

Banzai: Cause there it goes!!

{Scar leaps up beside Ed.}

Scar: Be prepared!

Banzai: Yeah, be prepared. Yeah-heh. We'll be prepared, heh ... Forwhat?

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Scar: For the death of the king.

Banzai: Why? Is he sick?

Scar: No fool, we're going to kill him. And Simba too.

Hyena 4: Great idea! Who needs a king?

ALL Hyenas: {Sing-song voices, dancing around.} No king! No king! la--la-la--la-

laa-laa!

Scar:IDIOTS! There will be a king!

Hyena 5: Hey, but you said, uh...

Scar: I WILL BE KING! Stick with me and you'll never go hungry again!________________

NARRATOR 1 Scar seeks out and kills Mufasa, and convinces Simba that his

fathers death was his own fault. He then orders the hyenas to

kill Simba. The hyenas leave Simba for dead.

NARRATOR 2 Scar returns to the lions and declares himself king. However,

Pumbaa the warthog, and Timon the meercat come across

Simbas body, and find him still alive.

Pumbaa: Hey Timon. You better come look. I think hes still alive.

Timon: A lion!Run Pumbaa! Move it!

Pumbaa: Hey, Timon. It's just a little lion. Look at him.

Simba stirs.

Timon: You okay, kid?

Simba: I guess so.

Pumbaa: You nearly died.

Timon: I saved you.

Pumbaa: {snorts at Timon}

Timon: Well, uh, Pumbaa helped...

{Pumbaa snaps a proud pose.}

Timon: a little.

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NARRATOR 3 Nala and Simba are reunited, but Simba still feels guilty about

his fathers death and refuses to return home. Then one day

Rafiki, the monkey, speaks to him about his father.

Simba: You knew my father?

Rafiki: Correction-- I know your father.

Simba: I hate to tell you this, but he died. A long time ago.

Rafiki:Nope. Wrong again! Hah hah hah!He's alive-- and I'llshow him to you. Lookinto this pool of water.

Simba: {Disappointed} That's not my father. That's just my reflection.

Rafiki: Noo. Look ... harder. Can you see his face in your reflection?

Simba: Yes, yes I can!

Rafiki: You see ... he lives inyou.

NARRATOR 4 Simba hears his fathers voice telling him to take his place in

the circle of life.

NARRATOR 5 Mufasas voice tells him to remember who he is his fathers

son, and the one true king.

NARRATOR 4 Simba returns home to the pride, and challenges Scar. Scar

confesses to killing Mufasa.

NARRATOR 5 Simba drives Scar out of the pride and tells him to run as far as

he can.

NARRATOR 4 Simba is reunited with his family, and is declared the Lion

King.

Simba stands on his rock surrounded by the lions and other animals.

M.C Our next Musical, this time from Stage Two, also started life as a much loved

Disney film, and did not reach the stage for many decades.

M.C Mary Poppins remains one of the most popular screen musicals of all time,

and includes some of the most instantly recognisable songs of

all time.

MARY POPPINS

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Winds in the east

Mist comin inLike somethin is brewin

About to begin.

Cant put my finger onwhat lies in store,

But I feel whats to happenAll happened before.

SCENE ONE

BERT This eres Cherry Tree Lane. Number 17s just down a bit. Here

we are, number 17, residence of George Banks and his family.

NANNY (Marching out.) I wouldnt stay in this house another minute for all

The riches in the world!

HOUSEKEEPER But what am I going to tell the master about the children?

NANNY Its no concern of mine. Those little beasts have run away from me

for the last time.

HOUSEKEEPER You know how it is with Jane and Michael.

NANNY Ive done with this house! Forever!

MRS BANKS (Enters.) Where are the children?

NANNY The children, Madam, are not here. Theyve disappeared again

and I have had enough of it!

MRS BANKS Oh, gracious youre not leaving? What will Mr Banks say?

BANKS (Enters.) What a pretty hat, Nanny.

Nanny marches past him and exits.

MRS BANKS Nanny has left us, George, and the children are missing.

BANKS Missing? Ill call the police right away.

POLICEMAN (Enters.)No need to do that, Mr Banks. I believe I have found

some valuables of yours that have gone astray. (To children.)Come along in.

MRS BANKS Jane! Michael!

MICHAEL It was windy .

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JANE And the kite was too strong for us. It wasnt a very good one.

MICHAEL Perhaps if you helped us to make a new one, father

BANKS Go to your room, children! Thank you constable, good night.

The children and constable exit.

MRS BANKS What are we going to do?

BANKS I shall put an advert in The Times: Wanted. Nanny. Firm,

respectable, no nonsense.

Mr and Mrs Banks exit.

Jane and Michael appear in a different part of the stage with a piece of paper.

JANE Wanted a nanny for two adorable children.

They throw the paper and then exit.

MARY POPPINS enters and picks up the piece of paper and reads it.

SCENE TWO

POPPINS Are you the father of Jane and Michael Banks?

BANKS I am indeed.

POPPINS I believe a trial period would be wise. Ill give you a week. Ill

know by then. (Shakes hands with Banks.)

Jane and Michael enter and stare.

Close your mouth, Michael. We are not a cod fish. Perhaps you

would carry my bag. Best foot forward. Spit spot!

BANKS But . excuse me

POPPINS Thank you, Mr Banks.

Mary Poppins and the children enter the nursery.

JANE Im afraid the nursery isnt very tidy.

MICHAEL Thats a funny sort of bag theres nothing in it.

POPPINS Well, first things first. (To the childrens amazement she producessome unusual items from her bag.) Never judge things by their

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appearance. (She pulls out a tapemeasure and measures Michael.)Extremely stubborn and suspicious.

MICHAEL I am not!

POPPINS (Measures Jane.) Rather inclined to giggle and doesnt put thingsaway. Hmm.

MICHAEL What about you?

POPPINS Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way.

JANE Mary Poppins. Is that your name? Its lovely.

POPPINS Come along, our first game is called tidying the nursery.

MICHAEL (Suspiciously.) It is a game isnt it, Mary Poppins?

SCENE THREE

BERT Id know that face anywhere. Mary Poppins!

POPPINS Nice to see you again, Bert. This is Jane and Michael.

BERT Ive seen you two here and about.

JANE Mary Poppins is taking us to the park.

BERT Not if I know Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins takes you to places

youve never dreamed of. What shes got in mind is a jolly holiday

somewhere or other. It just takes a bit of magic.

SONG : JOLLY HOLIDAY

During the song they are served tea by penguins, and then have a race on hobby horses.Mary Poppins wins

REPORTER How does it feel, Mary Poppins, winning the race?

POPPINS Oh well, I .

REPORTER And having your picture taken for the newspaper?

POPPINS Well naturally Im .

REPORTER There probably arent words to describe your emotions.

POPPINS On the contrary. Theres a very good word.

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BERT Tell em what it is?

SONG:- SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS?

SCENE FOUR

Mary Poppins is saying good night to the children.

JANE We couldnt possibly go to sleep, Mary Poppins. So many things

happened today. Will you promise to stay forever, Mary Poppins?

POPPINS I shall stay until the wind changes.

MRS BANKS (To Mr Banks.) Since you hired Mary Poppins the mostextraordinary thing seems to have come over the household.

BANKS I dont understand why everyones so cheerful!

JANE Mary Poppins taught us the most wonderful word.

MICHAEL Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Mary Poppins says it makes you

feel better.

BANKS Whatever are you talking about?

MICHAEL And jokes! A man walking down the street with a wooden leg

named Smith.

JANE Really what was his other leg called? (They laugh.)

BANKS Mary Poppins, I must confess, I am extremely disappointed!

MRS BANKS George, are you certain you know what you are doing? You always

wanted a cheerful household.

BANKS Mary Poppins, these children must learn to lead the type of life I

lead.

POPPINS Very well, Mr Banks. Then tomorrow I shall have the children

dressed and ready to come to work with you. Goodnight. (She leads

the children to their room.) Tomorrow you are going with your

father to the city.

JANE Will he show us all the sights?

POPPINS Well, maybe not all of them. Sometimes a person, through no fault

of their own, cannot see past the end of their nose. There are things

in the city which some people never see.

SONG: FEED THE BIRDS.

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SCENE FIVE

Mr Banks and the children enter the bank.

BANKS My children wish to open an account.

DAWES JUNIOR Just how much money do you have?

MICHAEL Tuppence but I want it to feed the birds.

DAWES SENIOR Tuppence. Precisely how I started. ( Takes tuppence.) Welcome toour joyful family of investors.

MICHAEL Give it back!

JANE Give him back his money!

CUSTOMER Theres something wrong. The bank wont give someone back his

money!

CUSTOMER 2 Well Im going to get mine! Every penny!

CUSTOMER 3 Me too!

Everyone rushes for their money. Michael and Jane run away.Outside the bank, Bert grabs them. They do not recognise him.

BERT Here, here! Wait a moment!

MICHAEL Leave us alone!

BERT Easy now its me, Bert.

JANE Bert, its you. Youre filthy.

BERT So it happens that today Im a chimney sweep!

MICHAEL (Sadly.) Oh Bert, it doesnt seem that our father likes us at all.

BERT That doesnt seem likely.

JANE Its true.

BERT Poor man. Stuck in that cold heartless bank day after day. He continues at his job

uncomplaining, alone and silent.

JANE Do you think father really needs our help?

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BERT A father can always do with a bit of help. How wouldyou like to help with a bit of

chimney sweeping?

SONG: CHIM CHIM CHEREE?

Mary Poppins appears.

POPPINS Spit spot!

BERT Hello, Mary Poppins! This is what you might call a fortunate circumstance. Look

there a trackless jungle of chimneys just waiting to be explored.

Theres a whole world at your feet and who gets to see it but the

birds, the stars and the chimney sweeps.

DANCE: STEP IN TIME ?

Mr Banks arrives. The sweeps exit shaking hands with him as they go.

JANE Oh father, every one of those sweeps shook your hand. Youre going to be the

luckiest person in the world.

BANKS What is the meaning of this outrage?

POPPINS I beg your pardon?

BANKS Explain yourself!

POPPINS I never explain anything.

BANKS Then let me explain something to you. I have been summoned this

evening for a meeting at the bank. It looks as if it is the end of my

career there.

Silence.

JANE Oh father, were sorry about the tuppence. We didnt know it would cause you so

much trouble.

MICHAEL Father, you can have the tuppence.

JANE Will that make everything alright?

Mary Poppins and Mrs Banks leads the children away. Bert remains with Mr Banks.

BERT Life is a rum go guvnor, and thats the truth.

BANKS Its that Mary Poppins. From the moment she stepped in to this

house things started to happen.

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BERT Mary Poppins?

BANKS She tricked me into taking the children on a trip to the bank.

BERT Tricked you into taking children on an outing outrageous. You with all the

important things you have to do. Youre a man of high position,esteemed by your peers and when your little ones are cryin, you

havent time to dry their tears.

Bert exits. Banks looks thoughtful.

SCENE SEVEN

DAWES JUNIOR Come in, Banks.

BANKS Good evening, gentlemen.

DAWES SENIOR Get on with it.

DAWES JUNIOR There has not been a run on this bank since 1776. Until today.

DAWES SENIOR A Run caused by the disgraceful conduct of your children.

DAWES JUNIOR Do you have anything to say, Banks?

BANKS Just one word, Sir.

DAWES SENIOR Yes?

BANKS Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Mary Poppins was right. It does

make you feel better.

DAWES SENIOR The mans gone mad. Call the guards!

BANKS A man walks down the street with a wooden leg named Smith!

Really, what was his other leg called! Ha! Here, take your tuppence.

Good-bye!

DAWES JUNIOR Where are you going?

BANKS I might go anywhere I like, and do anything. I might just fly a kite!

Mr Banks exits.

DAWES SENIOR A wooden leg named Smith? A wooden leg named Smith. Ha!

Dawes Senior cant stop laughing.

SCENE EIGHT

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Mary Poppins is packing.

JANE She only promised to stay until the wind changed.

MICHAEL Is that right, Mary Poppins.

JANE Mary Poppins, dont you love us?

POPPINS And what would happen to me, may I ask you, if I loved all the

children I said good-bye to?

Silence.

Mr Banks enters on the other side of the stage happily skipping and singing.

MRS BANKS George, Ive been so worried! What happened?

BANKS (Happily.) Ive been sacked!

HOUSEKEEPER Hes gone mad, poor fellow.

BANKS Where are the children? Jane! Michael!

POPPINS Your father is calling you.

MICHAEL It doesnt sound like father.

POPPINS (Fondly.) Run along. Spit spot!

The children run to Mr Banks who is holding their kite.

MICHAEL You mended it!

JANE However did you manage it?

SONG: LETS GO FLY A KITE.?

Dawes Junior enters.

DAWES JUNIOR Ah, there you are, Banks. I want to congratulate you. Your joke last

night was so funny that father died laughing.

BANKS Oh, Im so sorry!

DAWES JUNIOR Nonsense nothing to be sorry about. Never seen him happier in his

life! He left an opening for a new partner. Congratulations!

BANK Thank you very much indeed, Sir.

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Unseen by the family, Mary Poppins puts up her umbrella and starts to leave.

POPPINS Now things are just as they should be.

BERT (Calling after her.) Good-bye, Mary Poppins! Dont stay away too long.

M.C Stage Three are going to take us in a different direction by

performing extracts from two famous stage musicals that both

found a new lease of life on the big screen.

M.C The first comes from Little Shop of Horrors. The story of a

A man eating plant which wants to take over the world!

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

A group of Winos are curled up on the floor wearing large coats

and possibly hats. Someone enters carrying an umbrella, stands

among the Winos and begins to speak.

VOICE On the twenty-first day of the month of September,

in an early year of a decade not too long before

our own, the human race suddenly encountered a

deadly threat to it's very existence. And this

terrifying enemy surfaced - as such enemies often

do - in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of

places.

CRYSTAL, RONNETTE and CHIFFON enter under umbrellas. They laugh

and begin to sing.

(Dance - LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS)

They exit. Table on, with flowers. Crash off stage. Enter

Mushnik.

MUSHNIK What did you break now, Krelborn?

SEYMOUR (off) Nothing, Mr Mushnik.

AUDREY rushes in through the audience shaking umbrella.

MUSHNIK So, She finally decides to come to work.

AUDREY Good morning Mr Mushnik.

MUSHNIK Its two oclock in the afternoon. Not that we had

a customer. Who has customers when you run a flower

shop on skid row ?

SEYMOUR enters with a tray of plants. He trips and falls.

Seymour! Look what you done now!

AUDREY Dont yell at Seymour, Mr Mushnik.

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SEYMOUR Hi Audrey!

AUDREY Ill help you clean up.

AUDREY and SEYMOUR exit. Enter RONNETTE, CRYSTAL and CHIFFON

with girls.

MUSHNIK You ought to be in school.

CHIFF Were on the split shift.

GIRLS Right.

RONN We went to school til the fifth grade, then

we split.

MISHNIK So how do you intend to better yourselves?

GIRLS Better ourselves?

CRYSTAL Mister, when you from Skid Row, aint no such thing.

(SONG SKID ROW)

As the song ends AUDREY and SEYMOUR remain tending flowers.

Mushnik paces up and down. The GIRLS hang around.

MUSHNIK Six oclock and we didnt sell so much as a fern.

Dont bother coming in tomorrow. Im closing this

customer forsaken place.

GIRL 1 Maybe what you need is a new direction.

GIRL 2 Some of those exotic plants Seymour has been

tinkering around with prominently displayed-

may attract business.

SEYMOUR rushes off and re-enters carrying a large sickly

looking plant.

MUSHNIK What kind of weirdo plant is that?

SEYMOUR I dont know. I havent been able to identify it

in any of my books. So I named it Audrey Two.

AUDREY After me?

SEYMOUR nods. All heads turn as TWO CUSTOMERS enter.

CUST 1 Excuse me. I couldnt help noticing you holding

that strange plant. What is it?

SEYMOUR Its an Audrey Two.

CUST 2 Where did you get it?

SEYMOUR Strange plants are my hobby. It was sold to me by

an old Chinese man two weeks ago during that total

eclipse of the sun.

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CUST 1 What an unusual story and a fascinating plant.

THE CUSTOMERS turn to exit.

CUST 2 Oh, while I'm here, can I order a hundred dollars

worth of roses. Here's my card. Thank you.

The CUSTOMERS exit.

MUSNNIK Well don't just stand there. Put that plant where

passers by can see it! Nurse that plant back to

health, Seymour. I'm counting on you. (Exit with

girls.)

SEYMOUR Aw Audrey Two, I don't know what else to do

for you. Are you sickly, little plant, or just

plain stubborn ? What is it you want? What is it

you need?

Seymour pricks himself on a rose thorn.Audrey Two opens her mouth.

Ouch! Damned thorns! Hey, you opened up!

He notices the blood on his finger.

I think I know what made you do that. Well I guess

a few drops wouldn't hurt.

He squeezes his finger over the plants mouth.

PLANT Feed me!

SEYMOUR I beg your pardon?

PLANT Feed me, Seymour! Feed me now.

SEYMOUR Look, maybe I can squeeze a little out of this

finger.

PLANT More! More!

SEYMOUR What do you want me to do? Slit my wrists?

PLANT Must be blood! Must be fresh!

SEYMOUR I don't want to hear this.

Extract from song Feed Me!

SEYMOUR Look, I'll run round the corner and get you a

pound of roast beef. That's my best offer!

PLANT It's better then nothing.

SEYMOUR Exits. AUDREY enters.

Hey, Little Lady, hello.

AUDREY Seymour?

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PLANT No, it ain't Seymour - it's ME!

AUDREY gasps in fear.

AUDREY Am I dreaming this?

PLANT No. And you ain't in Kansas, neither. Fetch me somewater.

AUDREY picks up a can of water. The PLANT opens up. AUDREY

goes to pour the water in, and the plant grabs her.

PLANT And now it's suppertime!!

AUDREY screams.

M.C Our final performance comes from a stage show that only very

recently made it to the big screen. This time the villain ishuman rather than plant but just as deadly.

M.C Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!

SWEENEY TODD

SONG: The Ballad of Sweeney Todd

TODD: Thats him? Over there?

MRS LOVETT: Yes, dear. Hes always here on Thursdays.

TODD (reading the sign): Haircutter, barber, toothpuller to His Royal Majesty theKing of Naples.

MRS LOVETT: Eyetalian. All the rage, he is.

TODD: Not for long.

MRS LOVETT: Oh Mr. T., you really think you can do it?

TODD: By tomorrow theyll all be flocking to me like sheep to be shorn.

********************

TOBIAS: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have you attention please. If youre having

trouble with thinning hair, then theres no need to despair! Pirellis miracle elixir will

do the trick. Its guaranteed!

A small crowd gathers

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Thirty days ago, was as bald as a coot and now look at me barnett! Rub it in once a

week and you too could have hair as thick as a rug! Its a miracle, honest! Penny buys

a bottle. How about a bottle, mister? Maam?

1ST MAN: Penny a bottle! Well I am going a little thin on top.

1ST WOMAN: Not that Thin! It smells disgusting! Come on.

The crowd begins to disperse, muttering as they go

TOBIAS (desperate to keep his customers): Thick as a rug I say. Go ahead and tug,

sir.

2nd MAN: A penny a bottle, is it?

TOBIAS: Go ahead, sir, harder! You wife can have a go too if she likes.

2nd MAN (to his wife, who is by now tugging Tobias hair): Might as well for a penny,

watcher think?

2nd WOMAN: Go ahead and try it, wot the hell!

TOBIAS (To the others): How about a sample? Have you ever smelled a cleaner

smell?

Tobias passes a sample to the crowd who smell it and react before passing it on

3rd WOMAN (Smelling it): Phew!!!

4th WOMAN: Isnt it a crime they let these urchins clog up the pavement?

TOBIAS (To 2nd MAN who is trying out his purchase): Thats enough, sir! Just a dabis all thats required.

2nd MAN: Its working! I can feel me hair growing as I speak!

CROWD (Simultaneously): Me. Ill have one. Its only a penny. Two for me please.

Guaranteed you say? Over here.

The crowd begin using the product once purchased

TODD (to Lovett): Pardon me, Maam, whats that foul stench?

MRS LOVETT: Must be standing over the sewers.

TODD: Smells like were in the sewers!

By now the dispersing crowd has reached Todd and Mrs Lovett

TODD (To 3RD MAN as he takes his bottle and smells it): Whats this?

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3rd MAN: Propagates the hair, sir!

TODD (He smells it before passing it to Lovett): Smells like urine!

MRS LOVETT (Smelling it): Ohhhh!

TODD (Examining it further): It is urine, mixed with ink!

3rd MAN (To the crowd): He says this is urine!!

The crowd begin smelling their hands and each others heads. As they realise what

theyve been rubbing on their hair, they get angry and shout simultaneously at Tobias

CROWD: What is this? Give me my money back! What a rip off! Wheres this

Pirelli?

Get him out here! It stinks!

4th WOMAN (To 3rdWOMAN): Well, Im glad we didnt buy a bottle!

In the confusion, Pirelli appears

PIRELLI: I am Aldofo Pirelli, da King of de barbers, da barber of Kings! E buon

giorno, good day! I wish-a to know who say my elixir smell like urine!?!

TODD: I do! I am Mr. Sweeney Todd and I have opened a bottle of Pirellis Elixir,

and I say to you it is nothing but an arrant fraud, concocted from urine and ink!

MRS LOVETT (To the crowd): Hes right. Phew! Buying that stuff is like throwingyour money down the drain.

TOBIAS (Trying to salvage custom): Ladies and Gentlemen, pay no attention to thatmadam. Whos to be the first for a magnificent shave?

PIRELLI: Free of charge!

TODD (To the crowd): I have serviced no Kings, yet Ill wager I can shave a cheek

and pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity than any street charlatan! (To Pirelli)Ill bet you five pounds you are no match for my skill. You here me, sir? Eitheraccept my challenge or reveal yourself as a con artist!

PIRELLI (To the crowd): You hear zis foolish man? Watch and see how he will regrethis folly. Five pounds it is!

TODD: Friends, neighbours, whos for a free shave?

4TH MAN: Me, Mr. Todd, sir.

5TH

MAN: And me, Mr. Todd.

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TODD (To Mrs Lovett): Bring me a chair woman.

MRS LOVETT (Sarcastically): Why of course, sir!

PIRELLI (To Tobias): You, boy. Sit!

TOBIAS: But sir, I aint started shaving yet!!

PIRELLI (Pushing him into the chair): You have now!

TODD: Who will be the judge?

5th WOMAN: Me, I will Mr. Todd, sir.

She takes her place between Todd and Pirelli who are by now ready to begin

PIRELLI: Ready!

TODD: Ready!

5th Woman blows a whistle and the shaving begins, underscored by piano. When Toddhas completed the shave in half the time of Pirelli, she blow the whistle again

5th WOMAN: The winner is Todd!

MRS LOVETT (Stroking the cheek of 4th MAN): Smooth as a babys bum!

PIRELLI: Sir, I bow to a skill far defter than my own.

Pirelli gives an extravagant bow and attempts to exit with Tobias

TODD: The five pounds, sir?

PIRELLI: Ah! Here it is, sir. And may the good Lord smile upon you - until we meet

again. Come boy!

He exits, chastising Tobias as they go

6th MAN: Oh, sir, Mr. Todd, sir, do you have an establishment of your own, sir?

MRS LOVETT: He certainly does. Sweeney Todds Tonsorial Parlour above my

meat pie shop on Fleet Street. All are welcome. I guarantee, Mr. Todd will give you

the closest of shaves!!

SONG: The Ballad of Sweeney Todd

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From Stage to Screen and Back Again

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