From Helicopter to HelperMoving from Confrontation to Collaboration with

Highly Involved Families

Via flickr ©Mac Reddin

Talia Abrahams, David Gruber, Lisa Hardej, Brian Koslowski, Julia Mani, Katy McLaughlinBrandeis University

NACADA National Conference, October 2015

• When did the situation take place, and where?

• What was the purpose of the interaction?

• What was said?

Jot down a name or quick phrase to allow you to recall that positive interaction.

Our guiding questions• Why are parents/families

becoming more involved?

• What goals/expectations do students and families have?

• How can we remain balanced in this power differential?

48% of first-year students

and 29% of senior students

reported their parent/family sometimes or frequently intervened. (Shoup, 2009)

• K-12 transition• Consumerism• Accountability• Rising tuition

costs

• Technology• Parenting

millennials• Demise of in

loco parentis

Factors contributing to the ‘helicopter’ mentality

“Though faculty, campus student affairs professionals and the popular media may fret about an increase in parental contact and associated conflicts, the students seem to benefit from the additional support and encouragement they receive…

…These results suggest that those who advocate community building and partnerships with parentsappear to be on the right track.”

Shoup, Gonyea, & Kuh (2009)

Today’s fail-safe students – Chronicle, June 2015

The over-parenting trap: How to avoid “Checklisted” childhoods and raise adults – Slate, June 2015

How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success - 2015

Helicopter Parents are Ruining College Students – Washington Post, September 2015

Kids of Helicopter Parents are Sputtering Out – Slate, April 2015

‘Snowplow parents’ overly involved in college students’ lives – Boston Globe, November 2013

Room for Debate: Are Parents too involved? – New York Times, July 2012

Parents: Stop Hovering over your College Bound Kids – U.S. News and World Report, September 2011

Student immaturity, over-protective parents are big reasons for the high college drop-out rate – Bangor Daily News, September 2014

Helicopter parenting no help to your child – Tyler Morning Telegraph, July 2015

How Parents Make Things Worse for Struggling College Students – Time, September 2015

Self-authorshipGrowth MindsetAutonomy through Interdependence

Parental behaviors can foster or inhibit student autonomy development

“Green”

Via flickr ©Thanasis Zovoilis

Establish Roles

Make Them Feel Heard

Provide Context

Getting on the Same Page

• Failed Biology in fall semester• Nervous to tell her parents• Pre-med pressures• Parents worried about her academics

• No FERPA release signed

B

C D

You explain to Susan’s parents that due to FERPA regulations you can't share information about Susan's academics without her permission.

You let them know that you did meet with Susan recently and you do have some concerns. You promise to contact Susan to encourage her to be in touch with them.

You tell them that you can’t share any information without Susan’s permission. You emphasize that it’s best for them to speak directly with Susan first.

You tell them in hypothetical terms what your practice is with students who are struggling academically.

A

Establish Roles

• Clarify FERPA

• Explain your role and its limitations

• Keep students at the center

• Fight the urge to be “too nice”

• Susan continues to struggle • Inconsistent in attending classes and meetings with you• Fails chemistry lab • Parents receive a letter about her probation status• Ask why you didn’t do more • Blame the lab instructor for unfair grading

Make Them Feel Heard

• Give them time and space

• Brainstorm solutions or outcomes

• Let them be the expert in their role as a parent/guardian

• Use de-escalation techniques

• Sophomore year

• Proactively meeting with you

• Moving away from pre-med, toward Psychology

• Parents continue to be upset about Chem lab grade

• Ask to petition for grade change

Provide Context

• Serve as an expert

• Assist with next step planning and referrals

• Manage expectations

• Normalize experiences

Establish Roles

Make Them Feel Heard

Provide Context

Getting on the Same Page

Getting on the Same Page

• Establish Roles• Make Them Feel Heard• Provide Context

Via flickr ©Thanasis Zovoilis

Final Thoughts