Four Plays - 1 - The Play's the Thing

8/12/2019 Four Plays - 1 - The Play's the Thing

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CONTENTS

Pelham Grenville Wodehouse: A Chronology vii

Introduction xi

TE P!A"#S TE TING $

GOO% &O'NING( )I!! *+

!EA,E IT TO PS&IT $-+

CO&E ON( .EE,ES /++

Author#s Note to CO&E ON( .EE,ES /+0


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Pelham Grenville Wodehouse:

A Chronology

$0 Octo1er $22$ )orn at $ ,ale Place( E3som 'oad( Guild4ord(Surrey( third son o4 enry Ernest

Wodehouse( a ong 5ong magistrate andEleanor %eane Wodehouse6 e is called

7Plum# 1y 4amily and close 4riends6

/ &ay $28- Enters %ul9ich College( s3ecialising in Classics6

$288 &em1er o4 the irst ;I and irst ;, teams6Co> irst article( 7Some As3ects o4 Game Ca3taincy#(3u1lished ?Public School Magazine@6

)egins 4ree> !eaves %ul9ich6 Enough slacing( must go to

9or6

Se3tem1er $8>> .oins the ong 5ong and Shanghai )an as a

cler in their !ondon o44ice < his 4irst Bo16$ August $8>$ Writes his 4irst D)y The WayD column in The

Globe( 9hich he eventually edits6

8 Se3tem1er $8>/ !eaves the 1an and Boins The Globe sta44 4ull/ An n4inished CollectionD 1egins historic 0/ The Pothunters3u1lished( his 4irst o4 8* 1oos6

$ A3ril $8>- irst tri3 to the nited States6 &eets 1oxer 5id&cCoy( esta1lishes contacts 9ith ne9s3a3ermen

and sees many )road9ay sho9s6$> %ecem1er $8>- DPut &e In &y !ittle CellD( PlumDs 4irst lyric in

O9en allDs musical( Sergeant Brue ?Strand

Theatre( !ondon@6 It is also 3u1lished and

recorded6 This musical is the 4irst o4 ++ in 9hichhe 3artici3ated6

vii


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A C'ONO!OG"

.uly $8>0 7The Wire8 Second tri3 to the nited States( this time selling

t9o short stories to Cosmopolitan and Collier'see!ly a4ter 9hich he resigns 4rom The Globe6

/-6 August $8$$ O3ening night o4 A Gentleman of "eisure(PlumDs4irst o4 $2 3lays( 9hich is a dramati=ation o4 his

novel 1y the same name ?The Playhouse( Ne9"or@6

/2 August $8$+ The "ittle #ugget is PlumDs $*th 1oo 1ut the 4irst3u1lished 1y &ethuen ?!ondon@6

+ August $8$- &eets Ethel 'o9ley the day a4ter he comes to

Ne9 "or City6 Acce3ts 3osition o4 %rama Critic

4or maga=ine( $anity %air ?Ne9"or@6+> Se3tem1er $8$- &arries Ethel 'o9ley in the !ittle Church

Around( the Corner ?&adison Avenue F /8th

Street( Ne9 "or City@6 They move to )ell3ort(!ong Island6

.anuary$8$0 Signs 9ith literary agent Paul 'eynolds 4or a +> e1ruary $8$* )h, Boy* is the 4irst o4 the TrioDs Princess

musicals6 Also 1iggest success 9ith -*03er4ormances at the Princess Theatre( Ne9 "or

and many more 9ith touring com3anies over the

next ten years6 O3ens in !ondon t9o years later as

)h, +oy*&ay $8$2 Piccadilly +im( a 1est Novem1er $8/+ "eae t to Psmith 3u1lished 1y er1ert .enins

?!ondon@ a4ter having a33eared in the Saturday

&ening Post ?nited States@ as a serial( 1ut 9ith a

changed ending 4or 1oo 3u1lication6 The second)landings Castle novel and the 1iggest seller in

England6

+ Novem1er $8/ The Play-s the Thing ?enry &illerDs Theatre( Ne9"or@ o3ens and esta1lishes itsel4 as a maBorcomedy < a theatre classic6 This 3roduction

enBoyed a run o4 +/ 3er4ormances6/2 Novem1er $8/* Good Morning, Bill 3roduced at the %ue o4

"orDs Theatre ?!ondon@6 ine 3ress rece3tion6/2 &arch $8/2 Good Morning, Billissued 1y &ethuen in a hard

cover edition6 S3lendid seller62 &ay $8+> Arrives in olly9ood under a one "eae t to Psmith ?Sha4tes1ury Theatre( !ondon@

4irst 3roduced6$ &arch $8+- Than! .ou, +eees 3u1lished( the 4irst o4 eleven

novels 4eaturing .eeves and )ertie Wooster6

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A C'ONO!OG"

$> Octo1er $8+ olly9ood and &G& again 4or six months6

&ay $8+* A /amsel in /istress( an '5O 4ilm 4rom PlumDs

novel( is the only 4ilm 9ith a signi4icantcontri1ution 4rom Plum6 Stars red Astaire( .oan

ontaine( )urns and Allen6/$ .une $8+8 onorary % !itt6 degree 4rom Ox4ord niversity6

$8->


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INT'O%CTION

P ?4or Pelham( his 4amily and 4riends called him 7Plum#@ G ?4or Grenville@

Wodehouse ?3ronounced 7Wood ouse#@( the most 4amous and success4ul

humorist o4 the t9entieth century( had an im3ortant career in the theatre6Indeed( 9ith Guy )olton and .erome 5ern( he created 9hat 1ecame the

American &usical Comedy6

Plum Wodehouse started his ama=ing 9riting career in e1ruary $8>>(

and e3t it u3 until he died6 Not only did he 9rite 3lenti4ully( 1ut he did

so in every 3ossi1le literary 4orm: novels ?more than *>@( short stories?more than +>>@( 3lays ?$2@( musical comedy li1retti ?++@( song lyrics

?more than />> 3u1lished@( memoirs ?+@( humorous articles( essays and3oems6

With the creation o4 such series characters as )ertie Wooster and .eeves(

!ord Ems9orth( &r &ulliner( The Oldest &em1er( ncle red( ridge(

and the hangout 4or all his young gentlemen( The %rones Clu1( Plum

1ecame one o4 the most 3o3ular humorists in the English


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INT'O%CTION

had 1itten into a 1ad nut( and Soa3y &alloy lie an American senator 9ho

has received an anonymous telegram saying All is discovered6 ly at

once6J #

)e4ore the triumvirate o4 )olton


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INT'O%CTION

only P G Wodehouse had made any assault on the intelligence o4 the

song


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INT'O%CTION

In a letter to a novelist 4riend( he said( In 9riting a novel( I al9ays

imagine I am 9riting 4or a cast o4 actors6 Some actors are natural minor

actors and some are natural maBor ones6 It is a matter o4 3ersonality6Same in a 1oo6 Psmith( 4or instance( is a maBor character6 I4 I am going

to have Psmith in a story( he must 1e in the 1ig situations6 One 1igcharacter is 9orth t9o small ones6 %on#t di44use the interest6 Generally(

the trou1le is that you can#t s9itch Character )#s stu44 so that it 4its

Character A6 The a1solute cast


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INT'O%CTION

Play-s the Thing( it o3ened at enry &iller#s Theatre in Ne9 "or and

starred ol1roo )linn and Catherine %ale O9en6 It 9as a smash hit(

running 4or +/ 3er4ormances6 On - %ecem1er $8/2( it 9as 3resented atSt .ames#s Theatre in !ondon 9ith Gerald %u &aurier and rsula .eans

in the leading roles6 On /2 A3ril $8-2( it 9as again 3resented 1y Gil1ert&iller at the )ooth Theatre( Ne9 "or( 9ith !ouis Calhern and aye

Emerson in the leading 3arts6 This revival( once again( 9as a hit( racing

u3 /-- 3er4ormances6 It has su1seKuently attained the status o4 a standard

comedy 9ith 3er4ormances given regularly in re3ertory com3anies on1oth sides o4 the Atlantic6

Good Morning, Bill 9as3resented on /2 Novem1er $8/* at the %ue o4

"or#s Theatre in !ondon 9ith !a9rence Grossmith( Ernest Truex and,era !ennox in the 4eatured roles6 This 9as another ada3tation 4rom the

ungarian o4 !adislaus odor6 rom the successes o4 these t9o 3lays(

Plum should have 1een made an honorary ungarianM Plum#s sill in

ada3ting 4oreign 3lays is all the more remara1le in the light o4 hisignorance o4 any language other than English6 is agent 9ould 3rovide

Plum 9ith a translation( usually only a 3lot syno3sis( and he 9ould then

create and em1ellish accordingly6

&ethuen( 9ho had 3u1lished Plum s3oradically since $8$+( decided to

issue this 3lay as a hard1ound 1oo on /2 &arch $8/26 )oth Plum and&ethuen had such a 4ondness 4or this 3lay that 9hen Plum made a novel

out o4 it( &ethuen 3u1lished it( on * A3ril $8+/( under the title/octorSally6 This 3u1lication led to a ne9 3roduction o4 it on /> &arch $8+- at

%aly#s Theatre in !ondon6 It starred !a9rence Grossmith once again(9ith Peter addon and Wini4red Shotter6 It 9as seriali=ed in Collier-s in

the nited States under the title( 7The &edicine Girl#( and issued there in

the collection o4 stories entitled Crime ae at Blandings1

"eae t to Psmith ?the 7P# is silent as in 73shrim3#@ 9as the dramati=ation

1y lan ay and Plum himsel4 o4 Plum#s most success4ul novel in England6As Plum recalled the colla1oration( Ian and I had a lot o4 interests in

common6 We 9ere 1oth een on gol4 and 3u1lic schools6 I read allhis stu44 and lied it enormously6 I lied colla1orating 9ith Ian 1ecause

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INT'O%CTION


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it#s lie colla1orating 9ith Guy6 e lied doing all the stu44 himsel46 I9as Bust to contri1ute the 1oo6 We taled it all over and got our scenario

and the characters and everything and then he 9rote it6J lt 9asn#t Kuite

that easy 4or Plum( ho9ever( as he actually 1loced out all o4 the scenes

and acts( 9ith Ian doing the re9riting6 They had 4ormed a syndicate in$8/2 to 3roduce ada3tations6 The 4irst 9as 4rom Plum#s novel( A /amsel

in /istress(the second 9asBaa, Baa, Blac! Sheep( 9hich 9as 1ased on ashort story 1y ay( and the third 9as "eae t to Psmith6 The com3any

9as actually a 3ro4essional re3ertory com3any 9ith )asil oster( .ane

)axter( Clive Currie( 'eginald Gardner and Au1rey &ather in the three

3roductions6 Plum couldn#t 1e at the o3ening on /* Se3tem1er $8+> atthe Sha4tes1ury Theatre in !ondon( as he 9as in olly9ood 9oring on

scri3ts that 9ould never see the light o4 day6 To9ard the end( Plum 9as9riting the third act and mailing it to Ian( 9ho also su3ervised the

rehearsals6 %es3ite the 4ailing economy( the amusing comedy ran $03er4ormances6

Come )n, +eees 9as the last three


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introductory remars need no 4urther comment6

Plum Wodehouse is constantly 1eing rediscovered6 Although he( in

ty3ically modest 4ashion( made a Boe o4 humanity remaining a message

shortJ 4rom his 9ritings( humanity in the 4orm o4 a continually ex3andingreading 3u1lic is not to 1e 4ooled6 Ne9 readers are Kuic to a33reciate

Plum#s im3ortant message o4 learning to get along 9ith one another in aindhearted manner6 That sim3le( 1ut 3ro4ound message( along 9ith his

4reshness o4 style and vitality o4 his 3rose( may destine P G Wodehouse

4or immortal 4ame6

%A,I% A .ASEN

xvii


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The Play-'s the Thing

A comedy in three acts 1y erenc &olnar

ada3ted 1y

P G Wodehouse


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The Play-s the Thing 9as 4irst staged on /$ Octo1er $8/ at Irving& !esser#s Great Nec Playhouse( Great Nec( !ong Island( 1y

the Charles rohman Com3any( Gil1ert &iller( &anaging

%irector6 The 3lay 9as 3resented 4or the 4irst time in Ne9 "or

City under the same aus3ices at enry &iller#s Theatre on +Novem1er $8/( 9ith the 4ollo9ing cast:

SAN%O' T'AI( a famous dramatist ol1roo )linn

&ANS5"( his collaborator u1ert %ruce

A!)E'T A%A&( a young composer Ed9ard Crandall

I!ONA SA)O( a prima donna Catherine %ale O9en

A!&A%"( a leading actor 'eginald O9en

.OANN %WO'NITSCE5( a footman 'al3h Nairn

&E!!( the Count-s secretary Claude Allister

!AC5E"S Ste3han 5endal

.ohn Gerard


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SCENES

The action taes 3lace in a room in a castle on the Italian 'iviera(

on a Saturday in summer6

ACT ONE: /:>> A&

ACT TWO: :>> A&

ACT T'EE: *6+> P&


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ACT ONE

As the curtain rises a distant orchestra is heard playing

"eoncaallo-s 3Mattinata-1 The stage is almost dar!1 The onlylight comes through t4o large %rench 4indo4s at the bac!1

Through them 4e see the moonlit Mediterranean far belo4, the

ague outlines of the precipitous coast, t4in!ling lights along

5uays and esplanades, and here and there the faint glo4 from

some lighted 4indo41 A lighthouse blin!s intermittently in the far

distance1 ithin the dar! room three dar!er shado4s loom

against the moonlit 4indo4s6 the lighted ends of three cigarettes

pric! the blac!ness1 There is a long pause1 t is almostembarrassingly long1 +ust before one 4onders if anything is eer

going to happen a man-s oice brea!s the silence1

TE &ANDS ,OICE: When you sto3 taling( Sandor( 4or sixty

consecutive seconds( there#s something 9rong6 )ne of the

shado4y forms is seen to rise and cross to the right 4all1 e

hear the clic! of an electric s4itch and instantly the stage is

flooded 4ith the 4arm glo4 of seeral electric sconces andcandelabra lamps1 The light reeals a room beautifully

furnished in talian 2enaissance1 At the bac! one shallo4 step

leads up to a raised portion 4hich runs the 4hole 4idth of the

room1 Behind it are the %rench 4indo4s, no4 closed, 4ith a

balcony beyond them1 To the right a short flight of steps leads

to a landing and a door to a bedroom suite1 To the left one

step leads up to a door to the hall and the remainder of thecastle1 )ccupying the right 4all of the lo4er portion of the

room is a great fireplace 4ith a corbelled chimney1 A long

table stands near it1 At the left is a grand piano1 Belo4 the


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piano in the left 4all is a door to another bedroom1 All these

doors are closed1 Aboe the piano to4ard the centre is a small

stand 4ith a telephone on it1 There are comfortable chairs

here and there1 The ceiling is beamed and cared1 The 4holeroom reflects 4ealth and beauty1 The spea!er, 4ho has 7ust

lighted the room, is a large and portly man of middle age1 (is

name is &ANS5"1 (e is in a dinner 7ac!et, as are his t4o

companions, SAN%O' T'AI( seated in the centre, and

A!)E'T A%A&( near the piano1 T'AIis also middle8aged,

but younger8loo!ing and less portly than &ANS5"6 A glance

sho4s him to be a man of conse5uence and dynamic

personality1 (e is 4earing a monocle1 A!)E'T A%A& is adreamy, handsome boy 7ust oer the threshold of manhood1

The distant orchestra has stopped playing1 &ANS5"reseatshimself to the right of T'AI( and spea!s again1 What#s on

your mind( SandorL

T'AI: I 9as Bust thining ho9 extraordinarily di44icult it is to

1egin a 3lay6 The eternal 3ro1lem o4 ho9 to introduce your

3rinci3al characters6

A%A&: I su33ose it must 1e hard6

T'AI: It is devilish hard6 3 goes the curtain( there is a

hush all over the theatre( 3eo3le come on the stage6 Then9hatL It#s an eternity sometimes as much as a Kuarter o4 an

hour 1e4ore the audience 4inds out 9ho#s 9ho and 9hat theyare all u3 to6

&ANS5": I never sa9 such a 4ello96 Can#t you 4orget the theatre

4or a single minuteL

T'AI: No6 That#s 9hy IDm such a great dramatist6

&ANS5": "ou can#t 1e ha33y 4or hal4 an hour unless you#re

taling sho36 !i4e isn#t all theatre6

T'AI: "es( it is i4 you 9rite 3lays6 "ou no9 9hatAl3honse %audet says in his 7&emoirs#L When he stood 1yhis 4ather#s death1ed( all he could thin o4 9as 9hat a


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9onder4ul scene it 9ould mae 4or the stage6

&ANS5": It#s silly to let your Bo1 1ecome an o1session6

T'AI: Well( thatDs the theatre 4or you6 And o4 all the 1rainracing things in the 9orld( 1eginning a 3lay is the 9orst6

Tae this scene here( 4or instance6 We three Curtain goes u3

on three ordinary men in ordinary dinner Bacets6 o9 is

any1ody to no9 even that this room 9e#re sitting in is a room

in a castleL And ho9 are they to no9 9ho 9e areL I4 this9ere a 3lay 9e 9ould have to start Ba11ering a1out a lot o4

thoroughly uninteresting things to the accom3animent o4

slamming seats until the audience gradually 4ound out 9ho9e 9ere6

&ANS5": WellL Why notL

T'AI: Thin ho9 much sim3ler it 9ould 1e i4 9e 9ere to cut

out all that stu44 and Bust introduce ourselvesL (e rises and

addresses the audience1 !adies and gentlemen good evening6

We three arrived tonight to s3end a cou3le o4 9ees at thiscastle6 We#ve Bust le4t dinner 9here 9e did ourselvesremara1ly 9ell 9ith some excellent cham3agne6 &y name is

Sandor Turai6 I am a 3lay9right6 I have 1een a 3lay9right 4or

thirty years6 I mae a very good thing o4 it6 I 1o9 and ste3

1ac leaving the stage to you6

T'AIsteps bac! and &ANS5"steps for4ard and addresses

the audience1&ANS5": !adies and gentlemen( my name is &ansy6 I( too(

am a 3lay9right( and this gentleman#s li4e


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They indicate A%A&( 4ho rises and addresses the audience in

similar fashion but 4ith more diffidence and none of their

assurance1

A%A&: The last and least6 I( ladies and gentlemen( am Al1ert

Adam6 I am t9enty


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see ho9 a1surdly sim3le it is6

&ANS5": All right( all right6 or heaven#s sae( sto3 talingsho36 I#ve had enough6 Save it 4or tomorro96

T'AI: At any rate( it#s 1een a great day and 9e must

remem1er it August the t9entieth66

&ANS5": riday6

T'AI: What o4 itL

&ANS5": I 9ish it 9asn#t6

T'AI: %on#t 1e such an old 9oman6

&ANS5": No one should arrive any9here on a riday6

A%A&: What di44erence does it mae riday( Saturday(

Sunday li4e#s al9ays 9onder4ul6

T'AI: &y unlucy day is Tuesday6 Among other things

ndicates &ANS5"( he 9as 1orn on a Tuesday6 %uring( I1elieve( the Second Crusade

&ANS5": Well( loo at it 4or yoursel46 ere#s today#s little 1ag

o4 1ad luc6 &idday 1lo9out 4ollo9ed 1y violent thunder

Four Plays - 1 - The Play's the Thing

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Transcript of Four Plays - 1 - The Play's the Thing