Forgiveness NOW-Cutting the Strings that Control

You

Presented byRobert L Bray, PhD, LCSW, TFT-

VT

Basic Tapping Elements Video This video presentation This power point presentation

Forgiveness NOWCutting the Strings that Control You

Defining forgiveness for yourself Awareness of forgiveness in freeing

oneself Recognizing the forgiveness in context Deciding how you will deal with

Injustice, violence, and arm you have experienced to move positively in your life.

How to forgive

Out Comes

Automatic Reaction to Injustice

Bilateral Forgiveness

Unilateral Forgiveness

Self Forgiveness

Acting with Intention

Regaining Control of Your Life

Ending the overwhelming emotions Releasing the unpaid Debt still owed

Two elements of Forgiveness

Practice Tapping Rate the level of upset one to ten--Be aware of

what you are experiencing (sensing or perceiving in your body)

Tap (use complex trauma- on your introductory video)

When upset is at 4 or less begin to consider the debt that is owed.

The Ending the overwhelming Emotions

Reduced stress Greater Flexibility- more choices Being aligned with your own nature Google Forgiveness and Health Benefits

Health Benefits

A process for getting unstuck from an event, situation, relationship or condition.

A state of being that has emotional, mental, and spiritual components

What we can do when there is no other way to end the debt or we choose to no longer pursue payment.

What it Forgiveness

Vengeance Retaliation Reconciliation Justice

Justice is done when one receives what is due them

Justice is more than equal treatment – criminal or civil legal processes

Psychotherapy

What is not forgiveness

Every one has to the right to his or her own feelings and the right to give expression to them.

Every one has the right to his or her own thoughts and the right to give expression to them.

Every one has the right to choose his or her actions and carry them out in a manner respectful of others rights.

Forgiveness is a way to Personal Freedom- Your Basic Rights:

When on is the a victim of violence or injustice of any sort we have a natural physical and emotional response that often changes our behavior.

Show video- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-

KSryJXDpZo

To violate these rights is Violence

An innate sense of what is fair and right.

How many grapes does justice require?

How can I trust again?

How to I stop wasting my energy?

Justice

Act out- until exhausted or contained by others

Go numb to feel nothing at all Reconstruct our reality to avoid or dismiss

the harm and our reaction to it. mediation – distraction – medication-

cognitive processing Tap

Regaining Emotional Control

What is the currency of the debt Money Emotional expression Life energy Time Love

Righting the Wrong- Collecting what is owed

The more the specific the better What, When, Who, You are safe. If harm or injustice is still

happening- then you may need to fight, run, negotiate, seek help, or find a safe place.

Explanation, excuses, retaliation, or other actions have failed.

Forgiveness in Context

Between to parties- Requires a complete apology If the apology is accepted - forgiveness is

required only if there is unpaid or unpayable debt

The nature of the unpaid debt comes in many forms

Bilateral Forgiveness

Accept responsibility for the action causing the harm

Fully understand the harm that you caused as experienced by the other

A plan of action so that the violence, injustice, or harm will not happen again

Complete apology

I forgive you for (specify the action causing the harm) releasing all resentment (and/or other upsetting emotions) and releasing all expectations for anything more.

I ask you to forgive me for (specify the action causing the harm) releasing all resentments and releasing all expectation for anything more.

Still overwhelmed emotionally and waiting for more? Try forgiveness-

Does not require you forget Does not require you continue the

relationship Does not have to be granted Does not negate commitments and other

agreements if accepted. Is a moral (matter of right and wrong) issue. A choice in your context of your life. (Turkey,

Rwanda)

Forgiveness

Trust to the extent some one has show his/her trustworthiness.

Trust in relationship

Think of some one who has harmed you and imagine saying “I forgive you for (specify the action causing the harm) releasing all resentment (and/or other upsetting emotions) and releasing all expectations for anything more.

Notice what you feel and think. Rate the upset -tap. Say it again notice what you think and feel. Is it time to

forgive? Is it time to engage in another way? Tap again as needed. What will it take for you move forward in this

relationship- What will it take to move forward in life?

Experiment

When the other is not willing or able to participate.

Decreased Incapable No desire to be forgiven No desire to continue the relationship

Letting go is the only way forward.

Unilateral Forgiveness

Assigning responsibility Understanding the harm done New course of action- terms of involvemnet

Elements of an Non-Apology

The injustice will never be righted No apology No explanation No way to rebuild trust No way to be supported in growth

Grief may or may not require forgiveness- Do the grief work!!– next webinar

Death of a Parent

Imagine Saying “I forgive (the target) my father for (the harm done) leaving me when I was a defenseless child releasing all resentments , anger, and pain and releasing any expectation of more.”

Notice what you feel and think. Tap Say it again notice what you think and feel. Is it time to

forgive? Is it time to engage in another way? Tap again as needed. What will it take for you move forward in your life free of

resentments and expectations of more?

Experient

The most difficult- The harm done to others or the harm done

to self Understanding the standards which you are

assessing the harm and your behaviors: as you set them today as you set them as a child as set by your parent as set by your religion

Judge yourself as you would another!

Self Forgiveness

When the other is not willing or able to participate. Decreased Incapable No desire to be forgiven No desire to continue the relationship

When complete repayment of debt is impossible Tap Make the apology - write it, confess it, share it Forgive

Forgiving Self for Harm done to Others

Accept responsibility for the harmful action Understand the impact for the action Explanation, excuses, retaliation, or other

actions have failed moving forward positively in your life.

Forgiving Oneself for harm done to Self

Imagine Saying “I forgive myself for (the harm done) choosing to continue to damage my brain with drug resentments , anger, and pain and releasing any expectation of more of myself in regards this past decision.”

Notice what you feel and think. Tap Say it again notice what you think and feel. Is it time to

forgive? Is it time to engage in another way? Tap again until the emotional upset is reduced. What will it take for you move forward in your life free

of resentments and expectations of more?

Experient

Do what you can to right the wrongs Understand what is in our individual and

shared power Be reasonable in our expectations for

ourselves and one another. When there is no other way forward- forgive Forgive freely and often.

The work of Forgiveness

My body feels relaxed and energized My emotions are positive My thoughts are fluid and expansive My heart is open, light, and connected My soul is free

A State of Forgiveness

Automatic Reaction to Injustice

Bilateral Forgiveness

Unilateral Forgiveness

Self Forgiveness

Acting with Intention

Regaining Control of Your Life