For the Greatness Show

Why parenting skills? Parents wants their children to be

independent and interdependent Parents want all positives for their children-

inner confidence, a sense of purpose and involvement, meaningful and constructive relationship with other, success at school and in work

On the other hand, Nation building starts from building families-without having productive families, it is impossible to have productive nation

Therefore, it is very important for us-the parents- to have the right skills in raising our kids

Quote “ Raising kids is part joy and part

guerrilla warfare” ED ASNER

On today’s show , we will see the parenting styles and one skill that we need to help our kids to develop –the self-esteem

Parenting stylesWhy we need to know about parenting

styles?

Because it dictates how we relate ourselves with our children

The basis of parenting styles are two convictions ፡-

1. Responsiveness

2. Control

Different parenting authorities divide parenting styles into different categories.

For instance, “ The Love and Logic” Authors, Foster Cline and Jim Fay categorized parenting styles in to four- Let’s see them

Parenting styles1. Helicopter parents 2. Drill Sergeant parents3. The Laissez-Faire parent4. The Consultant parents

---Parenting styles1.Helicopter parents As we know: Helicopters make a lot of wind, noise, and

vibration Their role is to hover, rescue, and protectBut what if the helicopter hovers overhead when

there is no emergency? It is a problemWhen parents` insist hovering to provide constant

protection, it is a pain. It can hinder normal life. Those who use this approach are called helicopter parents

They stay close by in order to rescue their children whenever a problem arises.

---Parenting styles---Helicopter parents They jump in to shield their children from

teachers, playmates, and other apparently hostile environment.

They involve in every committee the school may organize., some of them seem to be at school more than some of the teachers.

They seem so caring, and they are always “there” for their kids

Helicopter parents often do things for their kids because of the way they-the parents feel

---Parenting styles---Helicopter parents Out of “love” or guilt, they will refrain from

imposing or allowing consequences, because they feel uncomfortable with consequences

When their children hurt, they bail them out-because they hurt too.

Helicopter parents behave the way they do because they confuse love, protection, and caring.

These parents don’t allow their children to fail. If their kids fail, they mistakenly reason, it means they are un caring and unloving parents.

---Parenting styles---Helicopter parents

These parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect life for their kids-children never have to face struggles, inconveniences, discomforts, or disappointments. Parents do much of the work for these kids

Covertly they have a message “you are fragile and can’t make it without me”

---Parenting styles2. Drill Sergeant parents“ Do it or you are grounded” they barkRaising kids by barking orders at them is not effective. They believe that children must submit without protest

to their parents. Children are expected to fit in more than think themselves.

The parent may say “ I don’t care how you feel about it –you get it done now.”

Children of drill sergeant parents don’t know how to make decisions- they have been orderd around all their lives, listening to voices coming from outside of their heads.

---Parenting styles--- Drill Sergeant parentsMake “ do as I tell you” messageCovertly communicate, “ you can’t think for

yourself, so I will do it for you”

---Parenting styles3. The laissez-Faire parent They let their children raise themselvesThey don’t set boundaries to their

behaviors or actionsBelieve a theory that children are born

with the ability to govern themselves.“ whatever will be, will be” approach

---Parenting styles4. The consultant parent Consultant parents ask questions and offer

choicesInstead of telling their children what to do, they

put the burden of decision making on their kid’s shoulder

They provide options within safe limits.Parents can prepare their children for the real

life

---parenting stylesOn the other hand, Dr. Phil, in his book, “

Family First”, categorized parenting styles into three

1.Authoritarian (similar to Drill Sergeant)This parents tell a child what to do, the rules

are clear and usually inflexibleAn authoritarian parents control most of the

decision making process.

---Parenting styles2. Equalitarian (similar to consultative

parents) This category of parents give their children

a role in making choices; children are involved in decision making process

There is a room for flexibility. The parents are responsive, attentive and

sensitive to children’s need

---Parenting styles3. Permissive:- ( similar to The laissez-

Faire parent) Keep children within broad boundaries-

Armstrong, Albert Einstein, and Thomas Edison had permissive parents

---parenting skillsSteven Covey is known for his book “ The 7 habits of

highly effective people” but he also have a book entitled, “ the 7 habits of highly effective Families”-in which he focused on certain principles to be followed in parenting our kids and building our families:

Habit 1-Be proactive- becoming an agent of change in your family

Habit 2- Begin with the end in mind-Developing a family mission statement

Habit 3- Put first things first- making family a priority in a turbulent world

---parenting skillsHabit 4-Think “ win-win”- moving from “me” to

“we”Habit 5- Seek first to understand-then to be

understood-solving family problems through empathetic communications

Habit 6-Synergize-Building family unity through celebrating differences

Habit 7-Sharpen the saw-Renewing the family spirit through traditions

---parenting stylesIn conclusion , regarding parenting styles,

We may choose different styles in different situations and circumstances

But in my opinion, it is good to dominantly use styles that encourage children to involve in the process making decisions

Some parenting skillsThere are different skills parents need to have

to help their children. These include:Building :self esteemDecision making skillsProblem solving skillsCreativity skills Motivation skills

---Some skillsSelf esteem

What is it?It is how the child feels about himself/herself-it is his/her overall judgment of self –how much he/she likes his/her particular person

There are high and low self esteemsHigh self-esteem mean- a sense of self

respect, a feeling of self-worth, knowing that he/she has value

low self-esteem- disrespect of self, feeling of unworthiness

---self esteemWhy self esteem?

Some scholars found out that:-Your child’s judgment of himself/herself

influences the kind of friends he/she chooses, how he/she gets along with others, the kind of person he/she marries, how productive he/she will beIt affects his/her creativity, integrity, and

even whether he/she will be a leader or a follower

---self-esteemWhat is the source of self-esteem?Studies show that this characteristics-self

esteem- is not related to family wealth, education, geographical living area, social class, parents’ occupation, or always having mother at home.

It comes instead from the quality of the relationships that exist between the child and those who play a significant role in his/her life

“ Helping children build high self-esteem is the key to successful parenthood”

---self-esteemHow can we develop self-esteem in our

children?Give attention to your kids, give them your

smiles, give them time to play with you-specially at early age

Take care of the words that use in dealing with your children- it is clear that words have power-some parents curse their kids, they talk to them as if they are worthless, and useless- like in Amharic, “Yematereba, Dekama” ---be aware that words can destroy or build self-respect

---self-esteemInvolve children in different activities that will help

them get awareness of their competencies like in sports, music, arts, etc-it will give them further information about themselves-

Praise kids but discriminate behaviors which are worth praising- be specific at all cost

provide a playful way to talk about positive qualities: ask questions like:

Name things you like to do List some things you do well Share good qualities about yourself like caring, honest,

helpful etc Name some nice things you have said to your friends or

done for them

---self-esteemTelling a child that he or she is unique or special by itself is not enough---experience really counts-- action speaks louder than words

Let me tell you my experience in building high self-esteem in my children

1.Kids involvement in charity-They support a child2.Kids involvement in setting their annual goals -3.A regular separate session with them 4.Recent poem on “ Make mistakes” --Use every

opportunity to teach your kids certain values

---Self-esteemA poem for the parents’ day:

Make mistakes“Many of us afraid of making mistakesWe want to be perfect- making no errors

But--- in the real life, there is no perfectionTherefore, Make mistakes- and get the opportunity to

learnNo one is perfect-No one knows allMake mistakes, and learn---this is my callDon’t give up from trying---start rolling the

ball! ” Lulim Wondwossen

Conclusion

“ Parenting is said to be the toughest job for which we receive the least training”