Finishing well, Parts 1 and 2
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Transcript of Finishing well, Parts 1 and 2
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FINISHING WELL!
Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017
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SESSION ONE: RUN LONG, FINISH WELL!
“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,
being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light”
(Col. 1:9-12).
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VISION FOR A FRUITFUL MARRIED LIFE
Vision, defined: “a thought, concept, or object
formed by the imagination”
Fruitful, defined: “conducive to an abundant
yield, abundantly productive”
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THREE HELPS . . .
• Your SHARED sense of
PURPOSE
• Your SHARED VALUES
• Your SHARED PICTURE of
Maturity
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VISION = OPPOSITE OF A MEMORY
What is one of your
favorite memories as a
couple?
How do you picture it?
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VISION = SEEING INTO THE FUTURE
How do you picture
yourselves down the road
as a couple?
What are some key words
or images you could draw
upon to describe this
picture?
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BIBLICAL PICTURE OF FRUITFULNESS (1)
Psalm 128: 1-4 (NIV)
“Blessed are all who fear the LORD,who walk in obedience to him.
2 You will eat the fruit of your labor;blessings and prosperity will be yours.
3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vinewithin your house;
your children will be like olive shootsaround your table.
4 Yes, this will be the blessingfor the man who fears the LORD.”
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TWO OTHER BIBLICAL VISIONS OF
FRUITFULNESS IN MARRIED LIFE
Proverbs 31: 10 – 14
Ephesians 5: 21 - 33
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YOUR VISION SHOULD BE . . .
Simple (something you can
picture or “see”)
Sharable (something you can
describe or share)
Meaningful (something you
would WANT to pay the price to
live out)
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WAYS TO DESCRIBE YOUR VISION . . .
Put it into a statement –
Put it into a symbol –
Put it into a photo or a picture –
Other (put it into a song, a poem, etc)
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NEXT . . .
Tie it to God’s Word
Tie it to God’s plan
Tie it to God’s
mission
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ROBIN AND ME
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VISION DESCRIPTION
• Same roots in God’s Word and
God’s Son
• Our opposites make us stronger
• Fruit = children and
grandchildren
• Flowers = our ministries and
vocations
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FRUITFUL TO THE END
Spiritually
Emotionally
Intimately
Financially
Vocationally / Ministry
Family Life
“We have lived a good life with God”
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YOUR VISION PROJECT . . .
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ASK YOURSELVES . . .
What are our greatest strengths?
What are our greatest gifts?
What makes us “US”?
What might our children or others admire about us as a couple?
What is one of the best things we have ever pulled off as a couple (and how did we do it)?
How has our marriage changed me for the better? How has it changed my spouse?
What is our marital superpower?
When did we recognize God’s call to come together as a couple?
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I BROUGHT . . .
T- shirts:
($15 ea) CDs
($5 ea)
How Healed?
($10 ea) coming
soon…
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FINISHING WELL!SESSION TWO: GROWING THROUGH CRISIS, PART ONE
Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017
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SESSION TWO – GROWING THROUGH CRISIS
A crisis can begin as a HINDRANCE to our
quest to run long and finish well – but it
may be possible for it to be turned to a
HELP, instead!
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WHAT IS A CRISIS?
“a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or
danger.”
“a time when a difficult or important
decision must be made.”
“the turning point of a disease when an
important change takes place, indicating
either recovery or death”
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WHAT IS A MARITAL CRISIS?
A marital crisis occurs when a couple
encounters an unusually high level of stress or
conflict.
The relationship becomes submerged in:
* Anger * Resentment * Distrust
* Dissatisfaction * Pain * Hopelessness
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A PATTERN OF NEGATIVITY
BECOMES ESTABLISHED
Attempts to resolve disintegrate into either withdrawal and disengagement or destructive escalation of conflict.
Outside help is needed inasmuch things become “stuck” or go into full reversal.
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COMMON TYPES OF COUPLE CRISIS
An emotional or sexual affair
Compulsive use of pornography
Alcohol or substance abuse
Unemployment
Health problems or injury
Financial mismanagement, compulsive shopping, gambling
Spiritual crisis
Negative influence of in-laws or family members
Mental health crisis
Crisis involving children (including infertility)
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HOW CRISIS WORKS . . .
2 Types: SUDDEN ONSET or SLOW-
BURNING
Key Factor = UNMANAGEABLE
JOB ONE becomes Manageability
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INEFFECTIVE CRISIS MANAGEMENT
Denial
Avoidance
Rage
Blaming
Total Withdrawal
Religiosity (versus emotionally healthy
spirituality
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EFFECTIVE CRISIS MANAGEMENT
Joining forces
Facing facts
Communicating needs and solutions
Getting Help Via –
- Increasing Spiritual Resources
- Confession of Faults, Sins & True Repentance
- Making a plan, adopting a strategy
- Learning about the crisis and how to best address it
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GOD’S PLAN = GROW FROM CRISIS!
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and
sisters, whenever you face trials of
many kinds, because you know that
the testing of your faith produces
perseverance. Let perseverance finish
its work so that you may be mature
and complete, not lacking anything”
(James 1: 2-4).
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POTENTIAL FOR GROWTH
Important decisions are finally made and adopted
Habits change for the better
New spiritual growth is fueled
Increase in openness, honesty between partners and between partners and other trusted friends, family, Christian companions, etc.
Resources are found and implemented including medications, counseling, recovery, discipleship/mentoring, and the like address the whole person, the whole couple, and the whole crisis
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EXAMPLE: THE “SMITHS”
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WHERE IS GOD IN CRISIS?
With You!
“When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…”
(Isaiah 42: 2, 3)
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SINGLE BIGGEST ASSETS
God’s Presence
God’s Commitment
God’s Understanding of What You Need
Plus…
Courage Complete Honesty Time
Other Healthy Couples Learning
Humility – Including a Willingness to Truly Change
A Desire to Glorify God
Faith Safe Places, Healing Environments Your Marriage Vows
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NOTABLE HINDRANCES TO GROWTH
* Cheerleaders who won’t tell you the truth
* “God’s Little Helpers” who will give you advice but not walk the road with you
* Worldly Thinking
* Phony Forgiveness
* Phony Repentance
* Bitterness
* Failure to address the Whole Person / Whole Marriage
* Demanding, Forcing, or Pitiful Begging
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GOD’S PROMISES!
Comfort, Presence, Wisdom, Strength,
Redemption, Healing
LETTING JESUS BE THE HERO OF OUR
STORY
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TEAMING
“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”
(Eccl. 4: 9-12)
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DIALOGUING WITH CRISIS
Where is God present in this mega-challenge?
What does He want me to hear from Him at this time?
Who can help me / us navigate these waters?
How can I turn my spouse into a teammate in overcoming the crisis?
How does Satan hope to use these troubles to undermine God’s work in our lives? How can we team to defeat his dark intentions?
How can I / We actually grow from this crisis?
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DON’T JUST WALK WITH CRISIS, WALK WITH
GOD – AND EACH OTHER – THROUGH CRISIS
“Let us not become
weary in doing good, for
at the proper time we will
reap a harvest if we do
not give up” (Galatians 6: 9).