Finding Your Own Nectar - Chapter I

7/29/2019 Finding Your Own Nectar - Chapter I

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“Finding Your Own Nectar”

by

Alexandru Capatina



Chapter I

The Lost Bee

Ever since I remember myself, I wondered about things. I was a very curious

child, always wanted to know stuff. I really doubted the answer I got when I

asked my mom for the first time: “Where did I come from?” to which she

replied: “A stork brought you in from Paris. She carried you through the air the

whole night in a white bundle, and somehow, when me and your father woke up,

you were sleeping in the baby bed we had for you, still inside the bundle, it was

the best day of our lives.” I knew there was mor e to that.

Later on, as I grew up and finally discovered the truth about where I came from, I

started questioning myself about other things. I wanted to know where was God,

what was above the sky, what was the universe, did the universe end, and if the

universe ended, what was outside of it. At this point I wanted to be an astronaut.

Just a few years later I stopped wanting to be an astronaut and decide I would be

a scuba-diver. I wanted to explore the oceans. In many ways the oceans are just

like the universe, we still have much to learn about them, most of the oceans are

still unexplored. Greatness fascinated me.

When I finished my 12th

grade, I decided I didn’t want to study anymore. I was

going to become a professional boxer. I had been boxing for four and a half

years, won four national amateur championships and one amateur world

championship. I was very confident about it. I loved training, I loved winning

and I loved fighting. The adrenaline was like nothing I experienced before.

So after I graduated, I wanted to move somewhere where I could follow my

desire and become what I wanted to be. In Portugal where I was living since I

was 8, there wasn’t really any future to it, so I wanted to move out, my parents

supported me since they knew boxing made me really happy.

But it was November 2012, and I finished school at the beginning of the summer,

and I was still in Portugal.

My parents started to get upset with me pretty often because I wasn’t doing

anything. I was at home, in front of the computer, playing video games.



They would come home for launch from work, I was waking up and having

breakfast with them, and then I went to my computer where I stayed the rest of

the day, until early in the morning.

-Have you found a place to go yet? – My father would occasionally ask.

- No. I’m thinking Las Vegas, but it’s too expensive, and too far.

-If you want to go, you can go honey, you just can’t stay at home like this

wasting time. – My mom would say.

But I just kept on playing video games, and talking on the internet with people I

never met. “I could just do this for the rest of my life, I certainly don’t mind.” I

thought.

Then one day, mid-November, my father asked me:

-Can you take the car to the garage shop tomorrow? We’re going to be working,

and I already booked them to change the brakes oil.

-You really need me to do it?

-Yes. And you need to get out of the house, wake up early in the morning like all

the normal people do, it will do you good.

I knew I shouldn’t argue about it, so I just agreed.

Next morning, 7:30AM, there I was dropping my mom and dad to work, and on

my way to the shop. I kind of liked to have a different morning, it was good to

see the sun rise again. It’s been a while. It also felt strangely good to know that I

was expected somewhere, and it was important for me to be somewhere.

After I arrived at the shop, and left the car for the oil change, I went outside the

shop and sat on a small white wall, waiting for the car to be ready.

As I was sitting there, I saw a bee coming, and usually I am scared of them, I

always got pretty swollen if one of them bit me, so I moved away a bit. And as I

moved, I looked around to see if there were any other bees. To my surprise, there

weren’t. As a matter of fact, neither were flowers. It was an industrial zone, little

to no vegetation at all. So I asked myself: “What are you doing here, little bee?”

And as if she had heard me in her mind, she answered back into my mind:

“Nothing.” Then I started to think, something I hadn’t done in a while.



What was I doing there, besides waiting for the car? What was I doing with my

life? Nothing. Just like the bee, I was lost. But it’s clear, a bee’s purpose is to go

into the beautiful fields of flowers, suck their nectar, go back to their “home” and

make honey. Yet this one wasn’t doing any of it. So I decided, I would start

looking for somewhere to go, to follow my dream of boxing, that’s what mademe happy, I felt good doing it and I wasn’t even training anymore because I was

supposed to be busy looking for some place to go to train boxing, and become a

professional, and a champion.

So since Las Vegas was too expensive and far away. What would be cheaper and

closer and where boxing was a big deal?

London. That was the only place that came to my mind.

When I told my parents about it, they were happy that I had finally waken upfrom this “hibernation” that I went into. They told me to find a place, and they

would buy me the ticket and give me some money to help me out at the

beginning, but that I would have to find a job because they couldn’t support me

forever like that by sending me money.

So I started looking for places, looking for gyms, sent a few e-mails, made a few

phone calls, had no answers. So my parents thought, maybe I wasn’t writing the

e-mails correctly, so they asked to read them. Surprisingly they said: “It’s well

written, so there must be another reason for why you aren’t getting any answers.”

It was the last week of November already.

One evening, when my mom and dad came from work, at dinner time I had come

to a decision.

-Buy me a ticket to London soon as possible.

-You found a place? – My mom asked with a soft voice.

- Nop. But I need to move, going like this I don’t think I’ll find anything. – I

answered – And every situation that I’ve been through, I found a way out of it, so

I’ll just book a hotel or something, and go there and find a place.

-Are you sure about it? – My dad asked.

-Ye. I need to go.

-Alright then, we’ll go to the mall this weekend, and we can go by the travel

agency and buy you a ticket. – My father said.



After dinner I was washing the dishes, and my dad had gone to the living room to

watch TV while my mom was keeping me company.

-Are you really sure about this, honey? – My mom asked with a trembling voice.

-Ye. – I answered as I was finishing the remaining glasses – I’m just thinkingthat maybe they see where the e-mails and calls are from, so maybe that’s why

they don’t answer.. maybe if I was in their country they would answer. Besides

that every time I had gotten into any situation, I always came out of it.

Remember when grandpa died last year, and you went to his funeral and I stayed

here in Portugal by myself for two weeks?

-Well..yes. I just don’t want you to rush. – She said with a worried look on her

face.

-But I’m also a bit tired of you and dad coming home, seeing me on the

computer, and start arguing with me about it. – I protested.

-But that’s because you are not doing anything, we want the best for you darling,

and you finished school, it’s almost December already, and you weren’t doing

nothing. – She said raising her voice a bit.

-I understand. – I replied.

-You will always have a place here, a bed to sleep and food to eat. But you haveto do things for yourself, we aren’t going to be here forever.. and n ow we can

take care of you but in a few years we aren’t going to be able to do that. You will

have to take care of us. – She told me, as she was sitting down at the table and

looking down at the floor carpet. I had finished washing everything, so I moved

towards her, sat on her lap, hugged her and gave her a kiss on her head.

-I promise it won’t be too long until you won’t have to work anymore. I want to

see you and dad happy, not having to worry about anything. – I told her with a

low voice, almost as a whisper. After a few more words exchanged she went to join my dad and I went back to the computer, giving the news to some of my

cyber friends.

So soon as Saturday came, we went to the local mall. Bought the ticket for next

Sunday, December 9th

.

The next week flew by too fast, it was Sunday morning and I was leaving

Portugal. I had a weird mixed feeling inside me, but I wanted to do this, I didn’twant to wake up at 40, look at my life, having a shitty job, married to a woman I



don’t love, and having to live with the fact that I didn’t have the balls to go for

what I wanted. I rather try and fail, instead of having the constant question in my

mind: “What if?”

After I checked in at the airport, it was time to go through security, and time to

say “See you later” to my mom and dad. I was just 19 years old, and like many

other young people in Portugal, I was leaving the country, with the difference

that I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know anyone in London, I didn’t even

had a place to stay for more than three days. So I turned to my mom and my dad,

hugged and kissed my mom, wanted to tell her “I love you” but hesitated for

some reason. Then I turned to my dad, he lifted his hand to give me a hand

shake, I grabbed it, pulled him closed and I hugged him. Hesitating once again

about saying “I love you”, I’m sure they knew it, but I never had the courage to

say it for some reason.

And then I showed my flight ticket to the security to go in for the security check,

as I walked in, there was no turning back, but I did look back, saw my parents

hugging, and tears going down my mom’s cheeks, my father’s eyes were

shinning as well, as they do when you are about to cry, nevertheless they were

smiling, and I was smiling, although I had no tears on my eyes, nor they seemed

to be coming, I was crying inside, and it wasn’t sadness, nor happiness. I knew I

had to move on. I couldn’t live with them for ever, I had to follow my dreams. I

had to become who I was meant to be.

Soon as I finished all the security checks, I saw the gate of my flight being

announced, gate number 13. I smiled. Many peoples see 13 as a bad number, a

symbol of bad luck. I always liked 13, my name’s initials, are the first and third

letter of the alphabet, so I used to say it was my lucky number, besides when I

played basketball, I always wear the jersey with that number, even before I

realized they were the initials of my name.

So there I was, 19 years old young boy, going towards gate number 13, waiting

for the flight towards the rest of my life.

Finding Your Own Nectar - Chapter I

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