Finding The Inner Selfie - American Society of Clinical ...€¦ · Finding The Inner Selfie:...
Transcript of Finding The Inner Selfie - American Society of Clinical ...€¦ · Finding The Inner Selfie:...
Tobi B. Goldfus, LCSW‐C, BCD 2016 1
Finding The Inner Selfie:Helping Adolescents and Young Adults Absorbed in Cyberspace
Hypnotherapy As The Search Engine
“Parts” or Ego States As The Home Page
Presented By: Tobi B Goldfus, LCSW-C, BCD
“Text Me In the Morning”Neon TreesPop Psychology
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Old School – New School
“I tweet, therefore I am”
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Tribal
Tribal(oxytocin)
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New definition of WHOLE Person
Invite Digital Personas and Experience
Into The Therapy Space
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CYBERPRESENCE: Online in a totally absorbed way. Dissociated from IRL and responding to whatever is happening online.
GOAL: From CYBERPRESENCE to “BEING PRESENT”
Hypnotherapy As Your Lens
Hypnotic Phenomena Experienced Online Matches Direct Or Indirect Trance In
Hypnotherapy Sans Therapeutic Guidance And Goals
Ego State Awareness As A .
Learning about one’s different parts of “self” and cyberspace “identities” pave
the way to healthier BOUNDARY setting
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Using “Parts of Self” (Ego States) as Crossover Between Online and IRL for Integration Goals
• Integration of Hypnosis and Ego State Therapy can seamlessly move between external, internal, and “online” experiences.
• ATTUNEMENT to ALL of these “realities” is essential for optimal therapeutic growth and therapeutic alliance.
The “Yes‐Set” Is Percolating
Acknowledging and Acceptance of external, internal AND “online”
experiences and behavior.
The Goal is Integration: “when the parts are in communication with each other and are working together harmoniously and cooperatively”
‐ (Phillips and Frederick)
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Ultimate Goal: Healthy Ego Boundaries
Lack of Ego Boundaries = Lack of Sense of Self
Often global in understanding, adaptive to whatever, little knowledge of own thoughts and feelings.
Goal: Assertiveness and limit setting; a belief that self is worth protecting
‐Michael Yapko, Ph.D
…enjoying a day at the beach
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Getting together in a restaurant
MTV, 1992
How many “likes” or thumbs up; how long is your “streak” on snapchat with someone, are you “hoarding” or “nexting”?
How often do you up and edit your profiles?
What haven’t you said online?
FOMO
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The Online Confessional: The Wailing Walls ‐ Post Secrets
Old School: Used to be friends, family, church. A substitute for a wanted friend or trusting person.
New School:A gamble, a caring response or a cruel one.
New School: With whoever is available: opinions from online “friends” and anonymous responses. PERMISSION NOT TO APOLOGIZE in Real Life. VENTING has become the new sharing.
You can be as mean or nice as you want to be
Permission to say ANYTHING.NO LIMITS ON ANGER OR CRUELTY
“Flaming”‐ the saying of outrageous things even when they are not anonymous.
Easy to bully.
“Screaming” or ”getting the private out”(Turkle); fights with friends or strangers in the “safety” of online space, often PROJECTING what they dislike in themselves.
A SHORT‐TERM “feel good”
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• New Confidentiality
• Fluid Boundaries
What’s real ?
• Declines in Empathy
• Texting replaces Face‐To‐Face Conversation
• Self Worth = Number of Thumbs up
When did all this happen?
Affective Declines in Empathy
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AVOIDING EYE CONTACT WHILE TEXTING AND/OR TALKING WHILE EYES ON PHONE
PHUBBING
Moving body Interactive and funTeamwork and mutual goals
STILL, major focus is on app, not each other
PokemonGO: Not the Whole Enchilada!!
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7 Stages of Smart Phone Attachment
1. The Attraction Stage “I’ve been there eyeing you for a time, yeah, there
are others, but something in your style, looks,
your actions, pulled you out of the crowd…there’s
some chemistry here…”
2. Honeymoon Stage “Love at first thumb press. Wow! You’re fantastic,
wonderful, and you keep on surprising me! I want to learn more about you. I can’t wait to now you better. Show me more. Yes? You can do that TOO? Awesome. I’m hooked!
3. In Love Stage I am not myself if you are not in my sight, in my bag, in my pocket,
turned on and charged up. Your sounds, those cute little dings you make, make me feel so happy. Your adorable ring tones; I can’t imagine you not being here. I want to wake up with you, eat with you, hang out with you, go to bed with you. We’re meant for each other. Yes, there are a few things, very little, that bug me about you…you don’t answer back fast enough or freeze up one me (what’s that about, anyway?) But life is so much better with you…. Tobi Goldfus copyright 2016
7 Stages of Smart Phone Attachment
4. Codependence & Addiction Stage “I think about you 24/7. I have you on and with me 24/7. The more you give, the more I want. I would rather be with you than not. If I have to be with someone IRL, I cheat and look at you without giving a d….or least caress you with my thumbs in response to your messages. People get annoyed with me, I don’t care. Just leave me alone. I want to be with you as much as is humanly possible.”
5. Disillusionment Stage “I’ve had enough. I’m so done. You are so
getting on my nerves, every time I turn around, you are dinging away, texting, trying to face time, whatever…what used to attract me to you is now bugging the s*** out of me. I feel out of sorts, where IS everyone? Oh yeah, they’re with someone like you and ignore me. I have a headache, my neck and shoulders hurt, I feel nervous. I feel far away from everyone IRL because I’ve spent all my time with you. And you know what? I’m sick of you. That’s the truth. I think we need to take a break.” Tobi Goldfus copyright 2016
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7 Stages of Smart Phone Attachment
7. Reapproachment & Acceptance Stage REAPPROACHMENT AND ACCEPTANCE STAGE: “I decided to give you another chance. I knew you would me without question. I charged you up, turned you on and we were off, like nothing ever happened. It was like we first met, going everywhere and connecting with everyone online again. Felt so good. I’m not perfect and you aren’t either. But I’ve learned some time off is good, if I plan it right. I can feel connected to both myself and others, my INNER SELFIE is feeling stronger. I can stand on my own when I CHOOSE to. But having you there, always ready to connect, it’s great. Our new INTERDEPENDENCE, not our old CO‐DEPENDENCE.” Tobi Goldfus copyright 2016
6. Time off Stage “I turned you off. I didn’t charge you. I walked away. I went for
a walk. It felt so weird, like something was missing. It seemed so quiet, almost too quiet. I liked it for a while. But everywhere I went and I mean EVERYWHERE, it seemed EVERYONE had a ‘you’. I tried to reach out but soon they went back to that ‘you’ of theirs. I was lonely. I missed all the social media and connections we had made together, all the places you had taken me to, I felt isolated, not myself. I missed you. A lot,”
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Cyber‐dissociation: the ultimate form of detachment.
• The perfect impersonal personal relationship with no hassles or demands.
• Easy to objectify the person(s) one is interacting with.
• Easy to imagine it is much more real than it is.
The Ultimate Pseudo‐Connection
Complaints About Non‐Attentive Parents: On The Rise
Parents preoccupied with their own mobile devices& being plugged in.
Togetherness redefined: on various electronics, in different rooms, in same room: connected, not present.
PARENTS: Put down your devices & BE PRESENT for our youth
It is their developmental task to be non‐present at times, it isn’t ours.
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Mama says, “Go outside and play!”
Can We Autocorrect Humanity? by Prince Ea
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The ‘Inner Selfie’Immediate Down‐Regulation Tool
The Internal Sense of Self, Our Core, Our “Inner Strength”, Our “Inner Wisdom”,
Our Unblemished And Pure Self.
Our Healthy Ego, Strengths and Resources, Our Resiliency.
Taps Into The Sacred Part Of Ourselves
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T1
• Key to their digital world
• Keeps you current to their digital realities
• Information shows them you are interested in a big part of their lives
• Helps you from the beginning of treatment to the end
• Opens the door to their online “parts” and personas, behaviors, and relationships
• Helps you navigate between and integrate their IRL (in real life) and virtual experiences
• You will be able to use cyberspace‐friendly language to increase experiential moments in therapy
WHAT DOES THE SMA TELL US?What Does The SMA Tell Us?
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THERAPEUTIC TRANCE CYBERPRESENCE
DISSOCIATION:
Focused on a few to multiple sites, marginally aware of
outside distractions. Alert and responding digitally.
TIME DISTORTION
Often unaware of time passing while absorbed online.
DISSOCIATION
Through induction and ratifying their experience we bring them back into their bodies. Aware of outside
distractions, they are absorbed internally.
TIME DISTORTION
Time can seem shorter than it is or unaware of time passing.
Comparing Components of Hypnotic Phenomena With CyberPresence
THERAPEUTIC TRANCE CYBERPRESENCE
AUTOMATIC BEHAVIOR
Online absorption encourages semi‐aware behaviors like sipping a drink, responding to a question IRL or blowing one’s nose, etc.
AMNESIA
Memory loss of online behaviors or experiences. Recalling
something IRL but not sure of specifics or no memory of.
AUTOMATIC BEHAVIOR
As induction deepens, behaviors like swallowing,
readjusting one’s position, etc. are done with semi‐awareness
while focus goes inward.
AMNESIA
Forgetting about something when cued. Can also respond without full awareness of
where it came from.
Comparing Components of Hypnotic Phenomena With CyberPresence
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THERAPEUTIC TRANCE CYBERPRESENCE
POSITVE/NEGATIVE HALLUCINATIONS
Multiple times in digital space, client fills in or projects what is not fully available, i.e.. texting: one guesses the tone and emotion
being received.
AGE REGRESSIN/PROGRESSION
Whether RPGs, editing or profiling, client creates different
ages and life experiences.
POSITIVE/NEGATIVE HALLUCINATIONS
When using metaphors or creating possibilities in trance, clients will use their own imagination. This
creates, is experiential and foreshadows goals.
AGE REGRESSION/PROGRESSION
Going back or forward in time to repair trauma and access positive
resources & possibility (“of course you can”!!).
Comparing Components of Hypnotic Phenomena With CyberPresence
THERAPEUTIC TRANCE CYBERPRESENCE
CATALEPSY & IDEOMOTOR BEHAVIOR STATES
When deeply absorbed online, physical movements
restricted, even for hours at a time. May be aware of responding IRL vaguely.
ANESTHESIA/ANALGESIAWhen online for long periods of time, parts of the body can “go to sleep” or feel numb.
CATALEPSY (RESTRICTION OF MOVEMENT) & IDEOMOTOR BEHAVIOR (SEMI‐CONSCIOUS PHYSICAL MOVEMENT) STATES
Like feeling unable to move, clued to the seat, signaling with a finger, with little memory, etc. Internally,
alert, awake, absorbed and focused.
ANESTHESAI/ANALGESIAAbsence of feeling can be induced;
often numbness ,i.e. “glove anesthesia” for pain.
Comparing Components of Hypnotic Phenomena With CyberPresence
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THERAPEUTIC TRANCE CYBERPRESENCE
POST‐HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION
Online suggestion can be supportive or negative. From locking into self‐defeating messages to experiencing
suggestions that lead to more positive behavior, digital messages have weight.
The “yes‐set” is volatile and unpredictable.
POST‐HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION
Seeding the goals of therapy from the induction phase to the
end of treatment. Creating responsiveness in the future by cue and indirect suggestion.
Opening the receptive “yes‐set” for change.
Comparing Components of Hypnotic Phenomena With CyberPresence
THE GREAT FRONTIER
“CONNECTIVITY” ‐ offers your own time, place and control.
“FACE‐TO‐FACE” ‐ loss of control
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CYBERPRESENCE: Being online in a totally absorbed way. Being able to be cyberpresent on many sites at once. Dissociated to some or extreme extent from RL.
CYBERALERT TO CYBERVIGILANT: On a continuum between being alert and focused on whatever and wherever their cyber attention is, to being hyper focused, scanning, constantly checking and moving around cyberspace with increased speed and absorption.
CYBERSINCERITY: The space from genuine to contrived, false and misrepresentation of the digital persona. The sender knows theirs, the receiver has to guess or assume what the level of cybersincerity is.
Cyberspace Glossary of Terms
CYBERTRUST: The amount of trust one has in the sender(s) of the
message. The receiver has to make a calculated guess and could be on target or completely off.
CYBEREGOSTATES: Those sides, “parts” or ego states being expressed and/or developing online.
TRANCETTE: The mini trance. A shorter version (example 4‐8
minutes) of a hypnotherapy direct trance. Shorter to commune with the digital pace of your young client.
Cyberspace Glossary of Terms
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• The process of learning to care for yourself.
• To hear and listen to your inner voice.
• The inherent knowledge of doing what is good for you.
• A relationship with self. Developing healthy ego boundaries.
• Marked by outside motivation.
• Often set because of known consequences.
• Concrete steps that help control or contain behavior.
• Only first step but a good place to start.
Boundaries
External Boundaries Internal Boundaries
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The Egocentricity of Youth and Focus on Self -the belief their experiences and thoughts are novel and unique and that others are just as
concerned with them as they are.
Believe they are constantly being scrutinized, evaluated and judged by peers, strangers and even parents. Leads to internal pressure and
can influence self-esteem (Elkind,1967, Piaget 1962).
The ‘Imaginary Audience’ is No More
A recent study showed 13yr
olds checking their posts
over 100 times a day, 61%
to see if their posts were
liked, 21% to see if posts
were saying mean things
about them, 36% to see if
friends were doing things
without them, 47% agreed
they did it themselves.
The Cyberspace Audience is Lurking!
13 yrs old (1992)
13 yrs old (2015)
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• Finding & practicingw/ partners
• Changing roles & attitudes toward marriage & gender identity
• Feeling alone as “everyone else” can be perceived as different from them or not available
‐‐‐Erik Erikson‐‐‐
• Who am I, and Where am I going?
• Sexual Maturation: The time to experiment & explore
• Forging past with future expectations
• Loyalties to groups & persons (i.e. politics, religion)
• Fluid & complex forces often at odds
DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS
IDENTITY vs.
ROLE CONFUSION
INTIMACY vs.
ISOLATION
• Multiple online identities : “alter egos”?
• Place to experiment and develop social communities.
• Serious play practice, outside of “real” life.
• De‐marginalization through virtual groups. “No one knows I’m shy, overweight, awkward”. Can “come out”.
Developmental Tasks In The Digital World
• Creation of profiles or avatars of who one wants to be, natural “Rorschach” (Turkle)
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SEPARATION FROM PARENTS: Only a text away. Same climate for independence but different.
SAME FRIENDS FOREVER: Instead of choosing some and discarding other childhood friends and peers as they change, they are FOREVER friends. Data base is the new address book.
SECRETS: With cyberspace access, an entire world of interactions, exploration and relationships totally unknown to parents and other adults
ONLINE FRIENDS AND SOCIAL NETWORKING: used to explore religion, political ideology and media for emerging adulthood.
Rites of Passage in a Digital World
A New Hierarchy of Needs?!
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Dopamine is released with the ding of a response and/or frequent texting.
A neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, it is a compelling reward and can lead to compulsive or addictive behaviors.
Being plugged‐in 24/7 with these constant rewards can interfere with comfort of being alone & can interfere with the developing sense of self.
Cyberspace Influences On The Brain
win over Quality :more priority given to most recent information input.
Cyberspace Influences On The Brain
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What is normal?
What is ?
Changing from “healthy” use to “compulsive” use to “addictive” use.
“TMI” or life as we know it
When the boundaries between “in real life (IRL)” & digital life become blurred.
Cycles of mania followed by depressive stretches.
Displacing sleep, exercise, face‐to‐face time.
Teens average over 3700 texts a month; 38 or more hours a week “plugged in” now considered normal.
New studies [UCLA, Wybrow et. al] find strong connection between online time of adolescents and mood disorders. Increases in depression, anxiety, stress and suicidal thinking.
Cyberspace medium’s addictive nature. Many with no other addictive behavior have developed it.
Mobile Device/Internet Addiction Disorder
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What begins as exploration and self‐discovery can morph into self‐destructive behaviors and activity. Allows a new and novel way to explore self (i.e. sexuality) and find others with similar taste. You are not alone with a particular desire or fantasy.
This can reduce shame and reinforce positive feelings that this is “normal” (a plus or a minus).
Cyberspace has No‐‐‐‐‐‐‐
Shame
Secrecy
• Can be a signal a boundary has been crossed
• Can add to the arousal template
Cyberspace: A Wide‐Angle Lens of The Whole ual Landscape
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“The loss of being able to choose to stopor continue a behavior”(Patrick Carnes)
• Can involve rituals and obsessions, particularly cybersex.
• Continues despite consequences.
• Cycle of frustration, self‐blame, powerlessness and hopelessness. Anxiety, irritability increase.
• Increased time online and surfing (i.e. chat rooms that develop high pseudo intimacies)
Compulsive Online Behavior
Extreme Addiction Consequences
China couple whose baby died of neglect while they cared for an online baby.
Young Chinese man who bludgeoned his mother to death and then used her credit card for more hours online.
Some have died from blood clots from sitting too long using the web.
Many teens report texting while driving.
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Admitted Smartphone Addict
Maria CatoeAge 19Make Up Artist1,000+ Snapchat followers43,000 Twitter followersHundreds of Instagram followers
Says even if she’s drawing and listening to music, she still could not go 10 minutes without checking her smartphone
1. CYBERPRESENCE, CYBERSINCERITY and CYBERSTRUST ranges from total honesty to fabrication and misrepresentation. Raise awareness in decision to share what & with whom in cyberspace.
3 Ways To Help Manage Online Usage
2. Encourage blocks (How do they decide what filters or privacy walls they use? Do they filter information with those they know IRL with those they don’t? Does the permanency of online sharing affect them?
3. Freeze out negative and harmful sites that make them feel worse about themselves.
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Healthy Use of Mobile Devices
Constant connection or proximity with ability to ignore or take time off.
When it does not take the place of, is an avoidance or interferes with time and interactions in real life (IRL).
Successful practice and experimentation of developmental tasks IRL, not just online.
PAY ATTENTION
Some behaviors remain hidden or withheld. Building trust and attunement will lower these walls.
Excessive time online can be so normalized by young person, it doesn’t seem too much. Look for symptoms: physical, mental and emotional.
Healthy Use of Mobile Devices
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BE VIGILANT
What one does, one’s interactions there, how one feels when CYBERPRESENT:
Do they seems satisfied with both IRL and cyber‐only relationships? Does there appear to be low conflict?
Or is there high secrecy, guilt and shame?
Healthy Use of Mobile Devices
Affect Regulation:
Down‐Regulation & Interiorizing
Better Decision Making Skills& Executive Control
Developing Healthy Boundaries
Older Adolescent
& Young Adult Goals
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Down‐Regulation Goals
Physical Affect ‐Active vs. Inactive
‐ Breathing & Relaxation‐Decrease Dissociation
Psychological Affect ‐ Becoming oriented to present
‐ Expanding one’s experience to self‐Ability to observe self for improved regulation
Social Affect ‐ Real time connectedness
‐ Less self‐consciousness & more self‐awareness‐ Enjoyment & Content
Apps: “Tools Of The Trade”
Experiential & Strategic
• Ericksonian App
• Ego State / Role Playing App
• Mindfulness / Relaxation App
• CBT App
• Attunement App
‐The Apps you know and love!
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• Healthy Compartmentalization: Encourage a PAUSE (Impulse Control) to follow a plan of deciding how to respond in a given moment
• Break the global emotional experience into component parts to decide (ego strength) what part to respond to or to take a “left” turn.
(Michael Yapko PhD)
Hypnotherapy Models Boundary Setting
The “observer” self begins to percolate.
Offers acceptance of the whole person.
This “new whole” self includes all the parts and ego states also operating in cyberspace.
Online, IRL, and internal states can begin to integrate.
“Parts” Work And Ego State Therapy As The Home Page
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• Connect a positive resource state with a “trigger” to access that state.
• Use a visual, kinesthetic or auditory cue.
“Anchoring”
Strengthens and accesses positive ego resources
Watching self puts one in a self‐trancewhich is down‐regulating
Healthy ego strengths recalled and experienced instantly.
Stronger experiential impact when seeing stronger self, “inner wisdom”, coach, self‐mentor..
Inner Selfie Technique Benefits
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Inner Selfie Technique DramatizationActor: Antoninus Hines Jr. as “Jason” (age 24)
Resiliency
“I can determine my destiny!”
• Awareness of self/others
• Setbacks are a fact of life
• Strong problems solving skills
• Internal Locus Of Control
• Strong social connections: (IRL) essential
• Good self‐care habits
• Mindfulness: Willing to sit in silence
• Able to ask for help (psychotherapy, support groups, online forums, books, etc.)
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TeachingThe
Relaxation Response
Herbert Bensen, MD
Make Way for the Inner Selfie!
Mindfulness Exercises
• Finding or developing guided imagery exercises
• Ways to slow down: • Pleasant music
• Using breath
• Yoga
• Walking without headphones
• Journaling
• Thought stopping techniques
• Dance Drumming
Proactive
Choosing when and how long
Unplugging Has To Be
INTENTIONAL
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Benefits Of Unplugging
1. You have a chance to have clear digital boundaries
2. You become aware of how pervasive digital living is
3. You can become more productive and more focused
4. You are more touch in IRL with people you love
• Keeps one current and accessible
• Use positive social media sites when isolation, loneliness, or need for affirmations and response intense
• NOT to take the place of or an avoidance of REAL TIME with self and others.
• Keeping a BALANCE with IRL and CBYBERPRESENCE.
When NOT to UnplugA Lot of the Time!!!
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Friends, Family, Teachers, Therapists, POSITIVE Online Support Groups
PROTECTIVE RESILIENCY
Tribal(oxytocin)
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