Fifth Gear 16 Ep 8 Script 889839B
Transcript of Fifth Gear 16 Ep 8 Script 889839B
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FIFTH GEAR
WORLDWIDE PROGRAMME 8
DUR: 25’ 25”
10:00:00 OPENING TITLES
10:00:21 TIFF NEEDELL VO
In this edition of Fifth Gear, Tim reveals whether
Car Share clubs really can save you money.
It’ll log how long I’ve been in the car and send
me a bill at the end of the month
I head out to what was once the fastest Grand
Prix circuit in the world in the brand new Nissan
370Z.
That’s fantastic.
00:42
And car mad celebrity chef James Martin tests
his driving ability in an F1 car.
Oh man....
FIFTH GEAR
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10:00:55 - TOM
This is the brand new Toyota Urban Cruiser.
It’s kind of a chunky little SUV thing, based
basically on the same platform as the Yaris. Now
Toyota reckon that this combines an active
lifestyle with green credentials, so as ever I’ve
devised three deeply practical tests to figure out
whether its active, fresh and green, or slow, dull
and a little bit brown.
01:18
Test 1: does it work as a 4 x 4. Now personally
I’m still utterly unconvinced as to why something
called the Urban Cruiser needs 4 x 4 at all, but
because it’s got it, we’re going to test it. So I’ve
come somewhere very slippy – the Austrian Alps.
In Tamworth.
10:01:37 TOM
Now under the bonnet we’ve got a 1.4 litre diesel
with 89bhp. Now that sounds fairly paltry until
you realise the Urban Cruiser only weighs 1100
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kilos – which makes it’s power to weight ratio
actually very good, and it’s certainly seems to be
coping.
Oh dear.. and ohhhh
No. No.
02:00
Just as quick comparison this is the Nissan X-
Trail – not the world’s most hardcore 4 x 4, but it
does have a similar transmission arrangement to
the Urban Cruiser and similarly rubbish road
tyres. Let’s see how it gets on.
SEQUENCE
10:02:21 TOM
This is absolutely creaming it.
Test 1: Urban Cruiser – fail.
10:02:31 TOM
Test two – Is it Green? Well CO2 or gas
emissions ...
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Have become an increasing concern of late, so
I’d like you to imagine that each of these
balloons represents 10grams per kilometre of
CO2.
02:44
Now currently a Fiat Panda 4 x 4, the smallest
car we can think of with four wheel drive,
produces this many balloons – fifteen and a half.
Now you’d think the Urban Cruiser, being bigger,
would produce more – but it doesn’t. Fly my
pretties!! Fly!!
It produces just 13 balloons – making it the
greenest 4 x 4 you can buy.
Test two – Is it green? – yes it is. The Urban
Cruiser wins.
10:03:14 TOM
Test Three – Is it cool? Now Toyota says that the
Urban Cruiser is for people who are dissatisfied
with traditional hatchbacks and wants something
that better expresses their individuality.
So I’ve decided to talk to some individuals to see
what they think.
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10:03:33 TOM
Is this cool?
INDIVIDUALS
Not really for me.
No
No
(Why not?)
Just being honest.
10:03:39 TOM
You wouldn’t want to be seen in it?
INDIVIDUALS
Quite bland
Bland
TOM
Bland is a good word
INDIVIDUALS
It doesn’t seem 4 x 4 it just seems like a little bit
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of a bigger version of a car.
10:03:51 TOM
If I told you it was sixteen and a half grand
INDIVIDUAL
LAUGHS – I wouldn’t.
TOM
Would that make it better or worse?
MAN
Worse. There’s no way.
10:04:00 TOM
Is it cool? Well that’s always a little bit of a
subjective matter, but when you end up
mentioning the price – No. Fail.
10:04:09 TIM
Right moving on now to something which should
hopefully be just a little bit less rubbish –
Nissan’s new 370Z.
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TOM
Now Tiff absolutely adored its predecessor the
350Z, but Nissan said they’ve changed
absolutely everything on this new one.
10:04:24 TIFF
Which is rather worrying because there were
only two things I didn’t like about the 350Z.
The first was the suspension crossbeam in the
rear luggage compartment which totally
compromised the space, and that’s gone, and
the other was a very nasty plastic cubbyhole in
the centre console and that’s also gone. So what
have they changed on the rest of it?
10:04:48 TIFF VO
Well for a start the new Z is 50 kilograms lighter
and has 16 more horse power and I love the
design’s new slashes and kicks that make the
car look tighter and meaner. Just look at that
swoopy profile and tell me you wouldn’t like one.
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05:06
To test the car we’ve come to somewhere very
special. A place I’ve been keen to visit before it
completely crumbles from view.
This is Reims in Northern France, which hosted
the French Grand Prix back in the day.
10:05:21 TIFF
And it was right here back in 1953 that Britain’s
first ever World Champion was involved in the
so-called race of the century, when the dashing
young Mike Hawthorn went head to head with
the legendary Juan Manual Fangio.
10:05:37 TIFF VO
The circuit was incredibly quick – being little
more than a triangle consisting of two very long
straights connected by a section of frighteningly
fast curves.
10:05:49 TIFF
You can no longer drive the whole circuit as this
dusty loop pends into a dead end, but you can’t
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help but marvel at the heroics of the drivers that
used to wrestle their monstrous machines
through these sweeping corners on their skinny
little tyres.
06:06
Hawthorn and Fangio battled for 60 laps of this 5
mile circuit, swapping the lead on virtually every
straight, with the young upstart occasionally
looking across at his great hero and giving him a
cheeky smile as they roared towards speeds of
nearly 200mph with just little tiny fly screens to
protect them from the elements.
06:27
Now we can’t head towards that sort of speed –
(a) cos we’re on public roads, and (b) because
this Nissan is now limited to 155mph.
What I can appreciate is the extra bit of power
this new 3.7 litre V6 has.
10:06:44 TIFF VO
It serves up a healthy 326 bhp which gets the car
to 62 in just 5.4 seconds.
But it’s the engines grunt that impresses most,
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just tickle the throttle at any speed and you surge
forward like a bullet train.
07:04
Prices start at just under £27,000, which is 10
grand cheaper than a similarly powered BMW Z4
and 17,000 less than the Porsche Caymmene S.
That sounds like incredible value, provided the
car handles.
To find out we have to detour from the circuit and
head for some bends.
10:07:27 TIFF
Despite all the improvements, the 370 actually
doesn’t feel quite as frisky or responsive as the
350 did. But that’s not really a bad thing
because there’s definitely more overall grip, it’s
just that the balance seems to have grown up a
bit, become a bit more refined. The nose there
still points into the corner very nicely when you
want it to. Once you start addling the power the
rear follows round.
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10:07:55 TIFF VO
Pay 30 grand for the GT packed version and as
well as things like heated seats, and a six CD
changer, you get Zync Pro Rev control.
10:08:05 TIFF
All my life I’ve heel and toed on down changes to
match the engine revs, but now, by just pressing
this little button, for the first time ever on a
manual gearbox there’s an auto blip which we
just brake, go for the gear lever. Ha ha.
Go straight into 2nd gear. It revs in 1st gear.
08:28
That’s fantastic. Oh how Fangio and Hawthorn
would have loved an auto blip everytime they
braked to the end of those long straights and had
to go down through the gearbox double de-
clutching and heel and toeing to make sure they
didn’t burst the transmission or blow the engine
up. That’s brilliant.
10:08:56 TIFF
So who won the race – well Mike Hawthorn of
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course by just 1 second after two hours and 45
minutes of racing, and to celebrate he headed to
the local hotel with a bottle of Champagne in one
hand and a pretty girl in the other, and I reckon
Nissan should pop open the odd bottle of bubbly
as well, cos from where I’m standing this 370Z
looks like a surefire winner.
FIFTH GEAR
10:09:21 TOM
Now Tim’s about to come over all caring and
sharing, which may come as a shock to some of
you.
TIM
Yeah, now we all know how difficult it is getting
round cities nowadays. You’re either hot and
sticky stuck on a tube somewhere.
TOM
Or you’re getting stung for parking charges, the
congestion charge, you know all the rest of the
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other gubbins.
10:09:34 TIM
Yeah now one solution which has recently risen
in popularity is to join a ‘car share club’, where
you can literally hire a car for as little as an hour
as and when you need it.
TOM
Yeah, but the question is – do they actually
work?
10:09:49 TIM VO
Just having a car sitting on your driveway will
cost you an average of £2,000 a year in
insurance and depreciation.
Small wonder then that the membership of car
share clubs has nearly tripled in the last 18
months.
10:10:04 TIM
Car sharing is not the politically correct term for
what joy-riders do, its basically a ‘pay as you go’
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car scheme, and I’m gonna test it today to see if
it’s the future.
10:10:14 TIM VO
There are five big companies operating such
schemes, who charge between £50 and £60 for
a year’s membership. You ring up or book one of
their cars online with as little as half an hours
notice and you simply pay for how long you use
it.
10:10:28 TIM
Now the clubs are most popular in London and
the cars aren’t stored in some sort of central
depot, they’re quite literally dotted across the
whole of the city in various car parking spaces.
The idea is this – you quiet simply use the car
closest to you.
10:41
Citroen C1. Oh Wicked, alright, okay that’s fine,
thank you.
10:10:47 TIM VO
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The first of the three cars I’m gonna use today is
a Citroen C1 from Whizzgo. Parked slap bang
outside Euston Station.
Ahhh here it is.
And the brilliant thing is I don’t even need to find
the keys.
10:10:59 TIM
Now when you register they send you a smart
card, which apparently when you park over a
sensor in the front window is gonna open the
doors. Let’s give it a go.
Heh presto, we’re in.
11:11
So now you’re thinking how do you start the car.
Well you go in the glovebox. I punch in a special
pin you’ve been given, and provide you the keys
and now you can start the engine.
10:11:24 TIM VO
This basic car from Whizzgo costs £60 for a
year’s membership and £5.99 per hour. That
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includes 40 miles worth of fuel and the £8.00
London congestion charge, which all car share
clubs should include as part of their deal.
10:11:38 TIM
Now just as an exercise in testing the value, I’m
gonna enter an endurance race with this cabbie
here. Basically we’re gonna go 6 quids worth,
cos that’s how much it costs to drive this for an
hour, see where we get.
And we’re off.
11:49
Follow that cab. I’ve always wanted to say that.
How much are we up to now mate?
£3.00s? £3.00 already, we’ve only done .4 of a
mile.
Mind you we’d have to pay the parking right and
that is not cheap in London.
He’s saying you’re getting £35,000 worth of car
plus a chauffeur for 6 quid. That’s a good point.
10:12:10 TIM VO
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After just 1.2 miles my £6 fare was up. I still had
ages left in the car, but I headed back anyway.
10:12:19 TIM
Now at the end of the journey, you basically
wave your smart card under the sensor, it will log
how long I’ve been in the car and send me a bill
at the end of the month.
12:28
Now you might just recognise this space – that is
because it’s exactly the same one we took it from
this morning. So, unless you’re a fan of round
trips, this scheme definitely isn’t for you.
10:12:38 TIM VO
The next company, Street Car, have a way round
that, and have three cars located just around the
corner.
Street Car has an annual membership of £59.50
and they offer what’s called a ‘one way trip’. For
an extra charge you can hire the car from its
designated space and then return it to a different
location.
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10:12:58 TIM
This car’s actually a little bit cheaper at 3.95 an
hour, mind you, you do only get 30 free miles
with this one as opposed to 40 with the last car.
13:06
Now Street Car are the biggest car club in the
UK which means that they’re much more likely to
have a car near where you live.
10:13:13 TIM VO
At the end of the hire you have to stick an hour’s
worth of parking on the car to give them enough
time to pick it up. It’s dead simple, if the car gets
clamped after the hour, it’s their problem.
10:13:23 TIM
Do you know what, I’m quite impressed with the
flexibility of the service, but not the cost. The
one way scheme actually costs an extra £24.50
plus the cost of parking the car for an hour until
they collect it. It is rapidly, yummy, approaching
the cost of hiring a car for the day.
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Lunchtime.
No.
10:13:43 TIM VO
Finally car three. Provided by ZipCar, which
costs £50 for a year’s membership. If you want
to travel on slightly longer journeys this could be
the answer, but you’ll need to drop you car back
at the same place you start the trip.
This Honda Insight starts at £3.95 an hour but
you’ll get 60 free miles worth of fuel and ZipCar
also offers a few premium cars like the BMW 3
Series, just in case you’re worried about being
spotted driving something ... a bit humdrum.
10:14:12 TIM
If you really love cars, nothing can beat the thrill
of having your own lump of metal, but if you
travel less than 6,000 miles a year, you could
save up to £1500 – perfect if you’re only making
frequent journeys.
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FIFTH GEAR
10:14:27 TIM
Now you may know James Martin as the telly
chef, but to us he’s just as much of a fan of cars
as we are.
TOM
He’s got an awesome set of cars in his garage,
one of which is an actual F1 car. There’s a slight
snag though, it hasn’t got an engine.
10:14:40 TIM
Hmm it doesn’t work at all, so when he rang us
and said please can you get me a go in the real
thing –
TOM
We said – yes we can.
10:14:50 JASON
Now it’s not every day you get to drive an F1 car,
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and it absolutely blows your mind just how quick
these things are.
15:02
But the real reason I’m at Silverstone today is
I’ve got to train celebrity chef James Martin how
to drive a Formula 1 car – and I’ve only got half a
day.
10:15:12 JASON
Good to meet you.
JAMES MARTIN
Good to meet you as well.
10:15:14 JASON
Now I know its not gravy that runs through your
veins, its petrol isn’t it.
JAMES
It is. I was in the wrong queue at the job centre I
think. I went left and yeah turned out to be a
chef, but erm my passion is cars. I’m absolutely
obsessed with them.
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10:15:28 JASON
You’ve never driven a really saucy racing car
have you?
JAMES
The ultimate has got to be Formula 1 hasn’t it
really.
10:15:37 JASON VO
This is what we’re tempting him with. A 1996
Benetton as driven by Jean Alessi.
Its V10 engine puts 750 horse power through a 7
speed semi automatic gearbox, meaning it’s
gonna rearrange his internal organs.
10:15:54 JASON
Now it’s not a foregone conclusion we’re gonna
let him out in the F1 car. First he’s got to prove
himself in the Formula Silverstone.
JASON
So, I’m now gonna l keep a bit of an eye on what
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James is up to. Have a look at his racing lines.
10:16:10 JAMES
That’s all you want when you’re sat in a car is to
have Jason Plato on your arse, turn in.
Two thirds of the track,
Power, power, power, power.
10:16:20 JASON
Turned in a bit early there. Understeer on the
way out.
But I have heard he’s gone off and got himself a
racing license, so he’s not the novice he’s
actually pretending he is.
10:16:34 JAMES
***** missed that.
Done it again.
JASON
So the hairpin’s a bit of a problem. If he does
that in the Formula 1 he’s gonna have a bit of a
moment!
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JAMES
Better corner.
10:16:50 JASON
Good, better.
JAMES
Driving single seaters is unbelievable.
And to think I could have been doing Loose
Women.
10:16:59 JASON VO
I’m not sure what he meant by that, but anyway,
time for some feedback.
10:17:04 JASON
If when you turn the car into the corner you can
feel a bit of understeer (yeah), that’s too fast.
But not bad. Not bad.
JAMES
That’s like saying my omelettes are sort of half
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good.
10:17:14 JASON VO
,u
Power Power Power Power
I decided to check with Tim Preston and Phil
Osborne of Cars International, Formula 1 experts
and suppliers of the car, whether he made the
grade.
10:17:27 JASON
You’re the boss, you’re the team man around
here, you’re the bloke who owns the car.
MAN
Yeah.
JASON
I’ll ask you first.
MAN
Yeah okay you can ask me first. I mean it looks
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good to me. I think you’ve done a great job to
get him where he is so quickly.
MAN
I think he’s a sensible guy and he’s gonna do
what he’s asked to do and I think you should be
okay.
10:17:45 JASON VO
It was time to give James the good news.
JASON
Well (Is it a yes or a no?)
Well they weren’t keen and I’ve twisted their
arms.
No mate they’re well up for it. (Are they happy?)
Yes they’re happy.
He he he Come on that’ll do won’t it
JAMES
You’re a star, get to drive my dream.
10:18:07 JASON VO
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While the team prepped the car I decided to cook
up an extra challenge for James.
10:18:12 JASON
Earlier on in the day I did 5/6 laps in the F1 car
and I did a time of 34 seconds. I think a fair
challenge would be if you don’t bust 40 seconds
you have to cook me and my mates food and we
have a look in your wine cellar and choose one
nice bottle.
10:18:33 JAMES
... I’m thinking now why did I answer the phone
call to you lot.
Right, alternatively, (yeah), alternatively if you
lose you buy me dinner at the restaurant of my
choice.
JASON
That’s gonna be a lot of money.
10:18:47 MAN
The thing to remember James is just to be very
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relaxed and calm in the car.
10:18:51 JASON VO
After a final safety briefing it was time for James’
big moment.
10:19:03 JAMES
My heart rate has just doubled.
10:19:13 JAMES
This is it.
JASON
First task done, to leave the pits without stalling.
Good lad.
JAMES
****** I’m driving a ....F1 car
10:19:34 JAMES
It’s fierce.
This is the senses .....
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10:19:49 JASON
He’s probably only taken one breath in the last
minute and a half.
10:19:59 JAMES
Oh man alive.
10:20:11 JAMES
What a car. What a car.
10:20:20 JASON
That was alright wasn’t it?
JAMES
This is fantastic I tell you. I want one.
But most of all who’s buying lunch?
JASON
I am. (LAUGHTER)
Mate well done. Well done.
JAMES
What did I get?
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10:20:32 JASON
You got you down, you kind of you were chipping
down, soon you got under 40 to be honest, just
under 40 then chip, chip, chip, and you got
yourself down to 38 zero and then I think your
last lap before you backed off just under 37.
Proper work.
10:20:46 JAMES
I’m sweating like a kipper.
I cannot believe how instant everything is. Do
you know what I mean, it’s just literally bang,
bang, bang....... the power of this thing, it’s like a
rocket.
Where do I sign for one of these anyway.
LAUGHTER
Thank you very much.
10:21:02 JASON
Do you want me to bring over, do you want me to
bring the sales...
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JAMES
No maybe not.
Thank you Fifth Gear, that’s what I should be
saying shouldn’t I. Wicked.
FIFTH GEAR
10:21:15 TOM
We’ve decided to finish up with a little bit of a
shoot out treat – call it our tribute to the 80s.
TIM
Yeah now it all hinges around Cosworth, the
engine specialists who can turn normal cars into
pin-ups.
10:21:31 JASON PLATO VO
The first of which is this – 1989 Mercedes 190E
Cosworth. It might look as an assuming as a
Bavarian Businessman, but don’t let its subtlety
fool you. This was the super saloon of its day.
Packing 195 horse power from a 2.5 litre engine.
The 190 Cossie has, on paper at least, the
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speed to match even the newest hot hatch.
10:21:58 JASON VO
But it’s not the only one. This 1986 Sierra
Cosworth was Ford’s Iron Lady. Stout, powerful
and imposing.
While the 2 litre engine may be smaller than the
German’s, a turbo means it’s actually more
powerful, with 201 horses romping through the
rear wheels, it doesn’t recognise the meaning of
defeat – or subtlety.
10:22:21 JASON
First up, the Mercedes.
22:25
Now the whole reason this car exists is so
Mercedes could go and race in the German
Touring Car Championship in the 1980s.
Back then the cars had to based on road-going
versions – something called homologation. This
car was created. Cosworth did the engine. 60
comes up in about 7½ seconds, so it’s not a
rocket ship. It’s hard work to drive, it’s really soft,
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it’s a bit sloppy, but it’s good fun.
10:22:52 JASON
So.... let’s set a time.
Come on you old girl.
Start the clock.
10:23:00 JASON
Now even though this is a big saloon car, you
know back in those days, they didn’t have to put
too much safety kit on cars, so it doesn’t weigh a
great deal. You know it weighs 1300 kilos which
is about the same as a, as a modern day VW
Golf.
Oh get in *****
10:23:18 JASON VO
And the Mercedes 190E Cosworth crosses the
line in 47.15 seconds. How does the whale tail
compare?
10:23:29 JASON
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2 litre turbo charge engine, gets you to 60 in
what, 6.8 seconds.
It’s certainly more racy than the Merc, but it’s got
a thing called turbo lag, all 80s cars with turbos
had this horrendous lag. You know you put your
foot down you get nothing, then you get nothing.
And then whoosh it comes in with a bang.
I’ve got a sneaky suspicion this might just be a
bit quicker than the Merc. Let’s find out.
Start the clock
10:24:02 JASON
Now this had revolution aero-dynamics with that
great big windmill at the back. But it works, you
know the car’s really stable at high speeds. It
certainly made you look like a boy racer.
10:24:17 JASON VO
At the first check point the Sierra is just .8
seconds ahead.
10:24:21 JASON
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Now brakes are good. Considering it’s on old-
styled tyres, it’s got pretty good grip.
JASON VO
At the second check point the Sierra has
increased its lead to 1 second exactly.
10:24:35 JASON
You can even get the tail out on corner entry. It’s
quite nicely balanced.
Soft, but quite nicely balanced.
10:24:45 JASON VO
And the Sierra Cosworth crosses the line in
46.02 seconds, so Fifth Gear’s Cool 80s Cossie
of Choice is the one with the massive wing.
10:24:56 END CREDITS
10:25:21 ENDBOARD