The Newspaper of Imperial College Union

T R E A C L E D MINERS The Roya l School of M i n e s Union O f f i c e was b r o k e n i n t o a n d s e v e r a l t r o p h i e s s t o l e n l a s t Thursday. Two miners who were present in the office have since been treacled and feathered for not defending union property.

J o h n E a g l e s o n a n d D a v e H o b b s were in the R S M U Office w h e n a b o u t a d o z e n l a r g e , heavi ly -masked raiders burst in a n d t h r e a t e n e d t o b e c o m e violent i f anyone resisted. They t h e n s t o l e the b l a d e o f the M o r p h y O a r (the remain ing part is s t i l l in the possession o f C i t y and G u i l d s U n i o n ) a n d several o f the shields hanging on the wal ls , before spraying the office

with shaving foam a n d leaving. R S M U are st i l l mysti f ied as to who the raiders cou ld have been for a l though the letters ' U C were sprayed several times on the w a l l s , u n i o n o f f i c e r s at Univers i ty College have denied all knowledge o f the ra id . T h i s is not being treated as a mascotry r a i d , as neither the M o r p h y O a r n o r t h e s h i e l d s is v i o l a t e . A t t e m p t s are b e i n g m a d e to t r a c e the v a n i n w h i c h the marauders escaped.

I n the m e a n t i m e , M e s s r s Eagleson and H o b b s were tarred a n d feathered (or, more accur­ately, treacled and feathered) for not dy ing in the service of the R S M U .

S C A B Treasurer Roger Middlebrook and Ian Gledhi l l in a scene from Imperial Opera ' s production of Jack Point and the Beans Talk.

G R A V E L M I N E R S

Dave Hobbs getting his just dessert

Money raised from the exploita­tion of gravel deposits under the C o l l e g e ' s s p o r t s g r o u n d at H a r l i n g t o n s h o u l d be used to improve existing sports faci l it ies, according to a submission to the Finance and Executive Counc i l .

F o r over two years there have been plans to extract the gravel , which is expected to be wor th over a m i l l i o n pounds to Col lege . Substantial deposits are aire ; e / being mined on adjacent sites, and the Col lege has received estimates o f the total income and time scale of the operat ion ; it is Col lege pol icy to put a l l such work out to tender. The or ig ina l p l a n s i n 1980 were t h a t the m o n e y s h o u l d g o t o w a r d s i m p r o v i n g student residence, but it has since been discovered by U n i o n Officers that the grounds are held in trust by the G o v e r n ­ing B o d y and that the intent ion of the or ig ina l agreement was that a l l money raised f rom their sa le s h o u l d be used o n l y to provide further sport ing facilities for students.

The submiss ion to F inance

a n d E x e c u t i v e C o m m i t t e e , w r i t t e n b y A t h l e t i c C l u b s C o m m i t t e e C h a i r m a n Ian B u l l , U n i o n P r e s i d e n t S t e p h e n G o u l d e r and P G Af fa i r s Off icer J o h n Passmore, points out that a n y e x c a v a t i o n w o u l d i n c o n ­v e n i e n c e s p o r t s c l u b s t o a great extent, and asks that a m i n i m u m area o f thirty acres (plus cricket square and tennis courts) should be usuable at al l t i m e s . T h e s u b m i s s i o n a l s o expresses disquiet at the process of restoring the grounds after­w a r d s , — s ince it c o u l d cause considerable harm to the qual i ty o f the cricket square, hockey pitches and tennis courts.

A t the last meeting o f the c o m m i t t e e . C o l l e g e r e p r e ­sentatives agreed to supply the U n i o n wi th the results o f tests and the estimates that have been submitted . U n i o n Officers have made it clear that they can only r e a c h a d e c i s i o n o n s u c h a scheme if they are kept ful ly in formed of any further develop­ments.

I Friday, December 3, 19821 85 F r e e !

Small Ads • For sale: S p i t f i r e , p u r p l e , c h a s i s s l i g h t l y d a m a g e d a s a r e s u l t o f s p e e d i n g " o v e r r o a d r a m p s . M a t t Wi l l iams. M e c h Eng 2. •Austin 1300 Mkll. 1973, recond i ­t ioned engine (9.000 miles), new MoT: many new parts. £375. P h o n e 886-4789 (eves) or int 2315 and ask Dr C h r i s t o d o u l o u •Would anyone who can explain why C o l u m b i a - E M I - W a r n e r think Ents owe them a large sum of money (mainly f rom last year) p lease contact them and expla in things before it gets taken further. •Jane F and JR Carn iva ls J a z z Band enjoyed your danc ing . When's the private lesson? FR •Wanted: teams to play in S o c c e r 6s compet i t ion this Sunday afternoon. Names to Kev Reeve (Chem PG) or C h a s Fu"er (Phys ics 3). Prizes for winn ing team? •Oxfam ha . - launched a campaign to draw publ ic attention to the plight of under -deve loped countr ies. In parti ­cu lar they wish to focus attention on the l inks between Brit ish organisat ions and Th i rd Wor ld problems. P lease cou ld people involved in IC societ ies w h i c h have some concern for the Th i rd World, contact me as soon as poss ib le to help with the campaign . A l a n Thew, C h e m Ent P G . int 3818 or 3825. •Hewlett-Packard 41C users. P P C , the c lub for you meets in Mech Eng 3 1 3 o n S a t D e c 4 2 - 6 p m . U s e f u l programs, useless programs, maching l a n g u a g e t e c h n i q u e s , h a r d w a r e s p e e d - u p s w i l l be d i s c u s s e d . A l l w e l c o m e , d e t a i l s f r o m W A C M i e r -Jedrze jowicz . C R S P Group , Phys ics Dept.

•Opsoc . Wanted, chorus members for Yeoman of the Guard, abi l ity to sing not a prerequisite. Contact C Paget, E E 2 . R e h e a r s a l s T u e s 7 :30pm, 53 Pr inces Gate.

• Renetly Gentlemen's Hairdressers

Discount for students and staff! Cut : first visit £3, s e c o n d visit and after £2.50; S h a m p o o , cut and blow dry: first visit, £4.20; s e c o n d visit and after £3.85.

Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm Sat 9am to 12 noon

Renetly, 154a Cromwell Rd, SW7 (Next to Br i t ish A i rways Bui ld ing)

Appo in tments not always necessary. • It's better when you do it in s o m e ­body else's bed—but don't try and cl imb in afterwards. •London Marathon Runners: are you s p o n s o r e d ? If y o u ' r e not yet , a n d there's the sl ightest possibi l i ty of your raising some money for Rag, please contact J o h n Ferguson , Phys ics 2 (Rag Cha i rman) . •101 uses of a dead cat has nothing on C h r i s Brannick, •What are you doing on Thursday December 9? Noth ing? Then why not c o m e a long to the R C S U Chr is tmas Party? It'll be the best, fun packed Ch r i s tmas p a r t y — s o be there! •Ents Christmas Party—the off icial Xmas party with Orchest re J a z i r a (hot f r o m R i v e r s i d e a n d s u p p o r t i n g Pigbag) . A d m i s s i o n £1 only (even in plain clothes) . •Mahler symphony No 9 One ticket reduced f rom £5 to £4.50. And rew D a v i s c o n d u c t s the P h i l h a r m o n i a , R o y a l F E s t i v a l H a l l , D e c 8, 8 p m . Contact C h e h G o h , EE Pg , int 1490. •Wanted: large s ize nappies (4 pint size). Contac t A lan S c / o Mines letter-racks. •Look out Peter Finch—you've got compet i t ion . •The Royal Society lor the Supres-sion of Bad Taste in r i L I X smal l ads w i l l be h o l d i n g a d e m o o n P e t e Skel ley 's IC Rad io S h o w on Friday (tonight).

IMPERIAL COLLEGE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA CONDUCTOR: RICHARD DICKINS

MOZART: OVERTURE TO THE MAGIC FLUTE

WEBER: CLARINET CONCERTO N0.1

SOLOIST: DAVID FUEST HOLSLTHE PLANETS

GREAT HALL 8pm FRIDAY 3rd DECEMBER TICKETS •Adult £1

Student 75p FROM. The Haldane Library,

Members & the Door

v.

ilftlSo R e p s . ^

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•Fun , fun, fun! C o m e along to what's g o i n g t o be the best C h r i s t m a s Par ty—i t happens on Dec 9, 7:30 in the J C R and t ickets are available from the R C S U Off ice or R C S U Off icers. • Mike M a c C l a n c y i s in n o w a y connected with M ike M c C l a n c y , the dimwit featured in last week's FELIX. •200 tons of gravel, for sale by private treaty. £1.1 m ono. Contact Mr Smith and bring a bucket. • "And so, on the 25th day of N o v e m ­ber in the year of our Lord 1982, G o d said , Let there be a Gardeners C l u b of Garden Hal l , and there was Bayleaf, Sage and Parsley." Long may it grow and be fertile. • H i muppet, remember Rick Quinn , try d ropp ing him a line. •John Grout guilty of high treason to T i z a r d . F u n e r a l W e d n e s d a y . N o flowers please, rotten fruit we lcome. • Dar l ing G a r d e n and Weeks — Exchange one statue for a new boq by 9:00pm Saturday on acceptance of bog, statue will be returned. Love Tizard.

•The lads from Physics Wanderers were given the weekend off after their four superb victor ies this term. Watch out Tizard, you cou ld be next. PW rule even when they have it off. •Kumkum: A belated happy birthday and best wishes for the future from all the four boys in 563A. •Tonto: Refer back to instruct ions on packet and cont inue as P35 of 'Rubber Lover'. G M W •Is your surname Jaruzelski? If not, but y o u are s t i l l i n t e r e s t e d in the Pol ish Society , contact Marek S z a d -kowski , B io logy 4. (If you can cook bigos, even better.) •Lost in Union Building on Friday: one carr ier bag. P lease contact Mark Allfrey, C h e m 2, via letter-racks. •Wanted: exper ienced woman to 'take me by the hand and show me where it is'. App ly to Karl as soon as possible . •'Streets of London' is still our best one! Thanks for the lovely weekend, all of you. Cornetto .

•Alan, Big A and DW, cheques for five pounds payable to felix staff by 5pm M o n d a y or we'll print the smal l ads we censored this week! • T B G N is no friend of E A P . • E A F P is not a friend of T B G N . •Two double rooms available with l o u n g e , k i t c h e n a n d b a t h r o o m . N e a r e s t t u b e : W B r o m p t o n , r e n t £22pw. Interested? Phone 385-3736 a f t e r 6 : 0 0 p m o r c o n t a c t M i c h e l e B u c h a n a n or Paul Cast le via C h e m 2 letter-racks. •Omega Watch found on Wed Oct 24. See P M Daniel , M in 3. • Is your stereo driving you mad? S y m p a t h e t i c a t t e n t i o n g i v e n to a l l y o u r h i - f i p r o b l e m s . C o n t a c t F Tabeart, G e o l 1. • O n g a r Rd r e q u i r e a s p i r i n g Dr Dool itt le to translate Brummie drivel. Previous zoo exper ience essential . ' • J o n Barnett, I had never real ised you had s u c h a pair. •Football: C h e m Eng IV A l l Stars 8, Kings Co l l ege 4. A new football force is born. Who's next? • X of Paris—Did the Python have a nice lye in, in Linstead 127. • M i k e —where did you get that dress? The Gi r ls . •Petunnia (Ann)—I wou ld gladly give you my oven and co lou r TV for a night y o u — T i m . • ICU Welfare Officer wou ld like it known that it is not part of his job descr ipt ion , nor is it his incl inat ion to have his bed pissed on or near, by inebriated members of the R S M . Y o u r cooperat ion is appreciated. •For sale N A D 3030 ampl i f ier more than 30 watts per channel wil l drive most popular speakers. A l s o Dual C S 6 0 6 turntable and free cartr idge. Offers over £100 for both (not £100 e a c h ) . A l l y o u n e e d is a p a i r of speakers and you've got hi - f i . Wil l demonstrate. Phone 737-6914 and ask for David or ca l l at 69 Evelyn Gdns . •Yamaha 70cc R reg, 1 year tax, 6mth MoT. Needs a little work done, £49 ono. J o h n Hughes, EE3. (Tel 263-2487 eve).

I December 3, 1982 I FELIX

Dramsoc's production of 'Butley', by Simon Gray

RCS Menagerie The Royal College of Science Union's mascotry team is making arrangements for the return of two of the mascots that they have violated over the past year. The School of Slavonic and East European Studies (SSEES) has accepted RCSU's terms, but no reply has yet been received from Queen Mary College.

S S E E S students have agreed to buy fifty R a g M a g s and to go caro l singing i n Russel l Square later this m o n t h ; a l l proceeds w i l l go to R C S R a g funds. It is generally believed that they have been let off l ightly because o f the smal l size of this predominant ly female college. T h e i r mascot, V e l i s h , is a stuffed Aberdeen A n g u s bul l ' s head and was taken f r o m i ts r e s t i n g p l a c e i n the c a n t e e n e a r l i e r t h i s m o n t h . A c c o r d i n g to a spokesman f rom S S E E S , it is meant to represent the ( n o w e x t i n c t ) B u l g a r i a n B i s o n , which is an East E u r o p e a n ferti l ity s y m b o l — b u t this c la im should probab ly not be taken too seriously.

The Q M C mascot, a stuffed leopard called M a r y , was cap­tured by the R C S last M a r c h , and negotiations for her return are sti l l in the opening stages. A first demand of fifty pints o f b l ood and fifty donations to the sperm bank, with 'the proceeds to go to the R C S U ' has been m a d e , w i t h r e c e i p t s t o be delivered by J a n u a r y 24. N o reply has been received yet.

Dried Up R e s i d e n t s o f the F r e m a n t l e H o t e l were without water last Thursday because of a broken water main in the E a r l ' s C o u r t R o a d . T h e s u p p l y h a d been severed the previous Tuesday but the large capacity water tank at the Fremant le provides water for two days, and the supply was reconnected on F r i d a y .

Brave New World?

B r i t a i n is e n t e r i n g a n e r a o f unparal le led wealth and pros­perity, the Right H o n o u r a b l e Kenneth Baker to ld the Indus­t r i a l S o c i e t y o n T h u r s d a y . Today ' s students w i l l probab ly u n d e r g o s e v e r a l c h a n g e s o f career as a result o f the new micro -ch ip revo lut ion , he said.

M r Baker was made the first ever Min i s ter for In format ion Technology in 1980, with res­ponsib i l i ty for the electronics, te lecommunications a n d space industr ies—the only industries.

FoPSoc Thwarted

A letter was sent this week by Union President Stephen Goulder to the 'Friends of Palestine' organisation, discouraging its members from displaying publi­city around College.

M r G o u l d e r said that F O P was not one o f the U n i o n ' s const i tut ional social c lubs, since it has not undergone the two required readings f rom major committees.

F O P h a d b e e n d i s p l a y i n g strongly po l i t i ca l posters in the U n i o n and the H a l l s of Residence without seeking approva l f rom either the H o n o r a r y Secretary or t h e W a r d e n . T h i s l e d t o a complaint being forwarded to the U n i o n Executive. The source o f t h i s c o m p l a i n t w a s n o t revealed.

I n h i s l e t t e r , M r G o u l d e r p o i n t e d o u t t h a t F O P m a y b e c o m e a f u l l y r e c o g n i s e d society w i th in I C U by const i ­tut ional procedures, but they w o u l d st i l l have to abide by U n i o n Publ i c i ty Rules and any posters deemed offensive wou ld not be al lowed on U n i o n pre­mises.

he c la imed, that w i l l not decline over the next twenty years. In part icular he w i l l be supervising t h e e s t a b l i s h m e n t o f c a b l e television in 1986, which w i l l be used not only for entertainment, but for in format ion and home banking services, and even, he suggested, for burglar alarms

H e also out l ined the reasons for ending the Br i t i sh Telecom monopo ly , c la iming that such a rapidly developing field cou ld only be propel led by compe­t i t i on . If Conservat ive legislation i s p a s s e d he b e l i e v e s t h a t Telecom wi l l be privatised in the near future.

Howell of Boredom

The Government ' s new T r a n s ­port B i l l w i l l a l low for reason­able but not unl imited subsidies for publ ic transport , inc lud ing L o n d o n Transpor t , the Secretary o f State for Transport D a v i d H o w e l l said in a speech to I C Conservat ive Society on Tues­day. This was to ensure a stable and consistent level o f subsidy with proper balance between the interests of local ratepayers and paying passengers.

M r H o w e l l stated the necessity t o a v o i d h i g h f a r e s w h i c h discouraged people f rom travel ­l ing and high costs to ratepayers part icular ly businesses, which r e s u l t i n c l o s u r e s a n d j o b losses. H e stressed the need for a proper balance between these factors combined with long-term p l a n n i n g o f t r a n s p o r t p o l i c y . W i t h o u t th i s he c l a i m e d the subsidies b i l l for metropo l i tan t r a n s p o r t a u t h o r i t i e s w o u l d escalate to £700m next year f rom £300m this year.

H e disclosed his sympathy for the view that contro l of L o n d o n Transport should be removed f r o m the G L C and passed to a separate Transport A u t h o r i t y , a.> suggested by a House o f C o m ­mons Select Commit tee . H e also spoke o f the need for an i m ­provement in L o n d o n ' s roads.

M r H o w e l l arr ived twenty-five minutes late for the meeting, b l a m i n g t r a f f i c c o n g e s t i o n i n L o n d o n f o r h i s d e l a y a n d addressed an audience o f about s i x t y . S p e a k i n g a b o u t r e cent l e g i s l a t i o n a l l o w i n g i n c r e a s e d lorry weights, he stated that road transport had developed for the last twenty years without new legislation. The new regulations wou ld reduce lorry damage to roads despite increased weights

by requir ing an extra axle o n heavy lorries, as well as new limits on length, height, noise a n d e m i s s i o n s , a l o n g w i t h compulsory under -run guards and improved brakes. H e also s t a t e d t h a t t h e m o s t r o a d damage was caused by 16 ton 2 axle lorries, and that the new weight l imits w o u l d a l low lorries to be f i l led rather than r u n n i n g up to a th ird empty, resulting in fewer lorries on the roads.

L S E Out? Students at the L o n d o n Schoo l o f E c o n o m i c s c a m e c lose to refusing to pay their £12,000 af f i l iat ion fee to the N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f Students last week. A t M o n d a y ' s routine u n i o n meeting, a m o t i o n p r o p o s i n g that the money should be spent on a racehorse attracted a majority of the votes.

B u t the L S E w i l l r e m a i n affi l iated to the N U S because a two-thirds majority is required on a l l f inancial matters. It also seems l ikely that the mot ion was o u t s i d e t h e p o w e r s o f t h e const i tut ion because the students' un ion is (for tax purposes) a registered charity .

Sirs' Pleas B i l l Sirs , Genera l Secretary of t h e I r o n a n d S t e e l T r a d e s Confederat ion , called for the in i t iat ion o f import controls to protect home industries, when he s p o k e t o t h e I n d u s t r i a l Society on Tuesday.

M o s t o f M r S i r s ' s a d d r e s s concerned his j ob as a Trade U n i o n l e a d e r , b u t n o t u n ­expectedly he took time off to criticise the Conservat ive G o v ­ernment's industr ia l pol icy . H e also gave an insight into the day-to-day runn ing o f the L a b o u r Party ; M r Sirs was instrumental in the switch to a more moderate executive earlier this year.

FELIX December 3, 1982 Page 3

Queensgate? Dear Sir

I have read wi th interest the recent articles i n F E L I X c o n ­cern ing the Col lege bar accounts. A f t e r 'ast week's development ( " B a r A c c o u n t s O p e n " ) , I a m m o v e d to put pen to paper .

P e r h a p s I a m n o w g e t t i n g rather l ong i n the too th a n d m y m e m o r y is fa i l ing me, but at the back o f my m i n d I recal l once being able to read in F E L I X that the prof i t a n d loss figures for the refectories and the bars. N o w it seems we're to be given less than that.

F r o m a l l the discussion the legal pos i t i on o f the bars seems to have been omit ted . The bars i n Co l lege operate under a ' C l u b certi f icate ' , whereby the sale o f a l coho l i c beverages is permitted

to members o f the c lub . T h i s c lub is the I C Refectory C l u b , w h i c h every student a n d member o f s t a f f o f t h e C o l l e g e is a member of. N o rules or const i ­t u t i o n , p e r h a p s c o n v e n i e n t l y , appear to exist for this c lub .

Is it not a strange state o f affairs that the members o f a c lub can not a n d may not see the accounts for their o w n c lub . I hard ly th ink that the members o f I C U w o u l d tolerate a s i m i l a r s i tuat ion i f this was the case w i t h the U n i o n .

W e hear a great deal these days about the accountab i l i ty o f businesses to their work force . A t Imper ia l Co l l ege , seemingly , we are p r o d u c i n g a generation o f future managers w h o are taught that not on ly is accountab i l i ty u n n e c e s s a r y b u t i t i s a l s o u n d e s i r a b l e . It w o u l d s e e m instead that secrecy i n f inanc ia l matters is the lesson o f the day.

B y now R i c h a r d N i x o n no d o u b t g r e a t l y r e g r e t s e v e r m a k i n g the statement " T h e r e w i l l be no cover-up at the W h i t e H o u s e " . W i l l this then be I C ' s 'Watergate ' . I f there is no th ing to h i d e , w h y h i d e i t ? S u c h n e e d l e s s s e c r e c y is t h e v e r y f e e d s t o c k o f m a l i c i o u s a n d un founded r u m o u r . In the words o f t h e g r e a t e s t ' f a n ' i n the business, " S h o u l d we be t o l d ? "

Yours faithfully Ian N Lacey

M R E P G

I told you so ?

Guildshit... again Dear Martin

I a m w r i t i n g to y o u because I feel that y o u r article " G u i l d s h i t H i t s the F a n " suggests t h a t Guildsheet is c a r r y i n g o u t a c a m p a i g n against N i c k Pyne , this is just not the case.

F i v e issues o f Guildsheet have been produced this t e r m , o n l y two smal l articles on N i c k Pyne have been publ ished (issues 2,4). T h i s does not seem to me to be the "series o f attacks o n h imsel f i n s e v e r a l i s s u e s " t h a t y o u ment ion o n y o u r front page, p a r t i c u l a r l y as i n t h e s a m e per iod we have cr i t ic ised M i k e B a r t l e t t t h r e e t i m e s , G o r d o n Bowser three t imes, Eng ineer ing B o a r d , B a r C o m m i t t e e , a n d Stephen G o u l d e r a l l twice as wel l as Steve B i s h o p , J o C l a y d o n a n d B r i a n Sh ind ler once each.

I a m quite content to stand by the contents o f Guildsheet,to the extent o f v igorous ly defending any ac t i on M r Pyne m a y take against us in the courts ! ! !

Y o u r s bemusedly F r a n k Rowse l l

Guildsheet E d i t o r

Dear Martin T w o w e e k s a g o , I e n t e r e d

the F E L I X Off ice to ask y o u about the copy deadl ine , since I h a d been a s k e d t o w r i t e a n article for your paper by Chess C l u b . Y o u asked what it was about , and when I t o ld y o u , y o u recommended that I s h o u l d not bother as y o u p r o b a b l y w o u l d not p u b l i s h it because n o one w o u l d be interested. A n y w a y I wrote it a n d submit ted i t , a n d , o f course, y o u d i d not p u b l i s h it . I d o not k n o w , o r par t i cu lar ly care, why it was not pub l i shed ( b a d l y w r i t t e n , o r n o o n e interested), but what does w o r r y me is that when a society such as C h e s s C l u b d o e s s u b m i t a n art i c le , its first o f the year no less, that it is ignored . W e do not d e m a n d , a s k f o r , o r e x p e c t massive coverage, but it w o u l d be n i c e t o be a c k n o w l e d g e d when we do contr ibute to what is as m u c h o u r n e w s p a p e r as anyone else's. Other societies, eg S c i F i , c o n t r i b u t e b o r i n g , meaningless a n d usual ly u n i n -format ive dr ive l every week a n d have it pub l i shed .

One of the reasons y o u gave me for probab ly not p u b l i s h i n g was lack o f space. T h i s , one can clearly see, is y o u r po l i cy so as to stop societies c o n t r i b u t i n g . It

seems r i d i c u l o u s to me t h a t societies i n A C C receive two pages (three this week) in w h i c h they wrote reports w h i c h are o n l y r e l e v a n t t o t h e i r o w n members , a po in t o n w h i c h y o u cr i t ic ised me ( indeed, they even put in team lists w h i c h very few of us c o u l d give a d a m n about ) , yet R C C , S C C , C C U s a n d the B o o k s h o p a l l have to share one p a g e . Y o u m i g h t c l a i m t h a t s p o r t s t e a m s r e p r e s e n t t h e C o l l e g e , b u t t h i s f a l l s d o w n , because so d o Chess C l u b (my article concerned one such event, i f y o u read it) . I C Chess C l u b is the s t r o n g e s t c o l l e g i a t e chess c lub i n L o n d o n , entering two teams for the U L U league and four for the U L U k n o c k - o u t , as wel l as being the only Col lege to enter a team (two, in fact) in a league outside o f the U n i v e r s i t y .

The conc lus ion o f this letter is, please if, or when , we submit another art ic le , do not dismiss it because y o u regard us as i n s i g n i ­f icant (a lot o f people at I C are interested i n chess, even i f they do not be long to Chess C l u b ) , a n d , more general ly , no society s h o u l d be regarded too i n s i g n i ­f i c a n t f o r a m e n t i o n i n t h e newspaper o f Imper ia l Col lege U n i o n , i f they ask for such a m e n t i o n , or a smal l amount o f s p a c e , b e c a u s e p e o p l e a r e interested in societies to w h i c h they do not belong.

Yours sincerely D P K i n g s t o n

I C Chess C l u b C o m m i t t e , 4th member

Dear Sir The accusat ion made in last

w e e k ' s F E L I X t h a t I h a v e carr ied out character assassina­tions o f N i c k Pyne in Guildsheet is t o ta l ly false.

Guildsheet has not pub l i shed " a series o f a t t a c k s " o n N i c k Pyne , nor is the ' H i s s i n g S i d ' c o l u m n writ ten solely by mysel f as was stated in F E L I X . F u r t h e r ­more I was not the author o f the piece i n the previous issue o f Guildsheet that N i c k Pyne took exception to.

A l l that I have wri t ten for Guildsheet has been, I believe, f a i r c o m m e n t o n m a t t e r s o f pub l i c interest.

I a m sure it is not in the interests o f either G u i l d s or N i c k Pyne to become i n v o l v e d in a l ong and a c r i m o n i o u s dispute. W h y can't the E d i t o r o f Guild-sheet and N i c k Pyne discuss their d i f f e r e n c e s i n a n a d u l t a n d amicable way a n d let the matter end there? Yours faithfully

J P Stanley PS: I t h o u g h t Guildshit was h i lar ious too .

Dear Martin I realise that the subject o f

' G u i l d s h i t ' m a y be o l d a n d perhaps weary, but I w o u l d l ike t o c l a r i f y t h e s i t u a t i o n a n d c o r r e c t c e r t a i n c o m m e n t s i n your ed i t o r ia l .

I personal ly , a l ong w i t h C B a n d F r a n k , took no except ion to t h e p u b l i c a t i o n , c o n t e n t o r d i s t r ibut i on o f ' G u i l d s h i t ' ; a l ong w i t h Steve G o u l d e r a n d yourse l f I f o u n d it h ighly a m u s i n g . It was pure ly the r emova l o f Guildsheet w h i c h was a n n o y i n g as people had been w o r k i n g a l l night to e n a b l e us to d i s t r i b u t e i t o n Wednesday m o r n i n g , a n d the f a c t i t c o n t a i n e d m a t e r i a l speci f ical ly related to M o r p h y D a y . A s yourse l f k n o w Messers Pyne a n d Barnett have a p o l o ­g i s e d a n d a g r e e d t h a t t h e r e m o v a l o f Guildsheet w a s w r o n g ; I thank them for their apologies.

Y o u r e d i t o r i a l r e f e r r e d to heavies a n d suggests phys ica l i n t i m i d a t i o n ; when I went to f i n d M r B a r n e t t t h e r e w e r e

indeed six people w i t h me; most o f w h o m w o u l d not be described as 'heavies ' . T h e purpose o f this was to enable r a p i d r ed i s t r ibu ­t i on o f Guildsheet a n d ob ta in ing the miss ing copies. I personal ly asked M r Barnett for the copies, exp la in ing reasons why this was n e c e s s a r y . T h e s e he a c c e p t e d a n d r e t u r n e d t h e c o p i e s i n approx imate ly fifteen minutes . Y o u ment i on of f ic ia l channels ; it was felt that speed i n ob ta in ing the miss ing copies was o f p r ime i m p o r t a n c e , a n d t h i s s p e e d y r e t u r n w a s t h e o n l y m a j o r r e q u i r e m e n t ; t h u s r e n d e r i n g of f ic ia l channels as a secondary c o n s i d e r a t i o n . A s y o u k n o w Steve was i n f o r m e d , so as to keep h i m in the picture .

W i t h reference to the copies o f ' G u i l d s h i t ' i n o u r p o s s e s s i o n these were those f r o m Elec E n g , these have now been d is t r ibuted f r o m the G u i l d s Office to people w h o came i n a s k i n g for them.

Yours sincerely Steve B i s h o p

C i t y & G u i l d s President 1982/3

Page4l I December 3,19821 I FELIX

EDITORIAL ( • • • • • • • E D

Southside Move Once again Col lege Secretary J o h n S m i t h a n d the E s t a t e s Depar tment are t ry ing to get the U n i o n moved to Southside . The p l a n , i f it goes t h r o u g h , w i l l i n v o l v e m o v i n g m o s t o f the U n i o n f a c i l i t i e s to the l o w e r f loors o f the Southside B u i l d i n g (below the H a l l s o f Residence) while a l l o w i n g Col lege to take over the present b u i l d i n g in Beit for their o w n purposes. Col lege are p r e p a r e d to p a y f o r the move. W h y are they being so g e n e r o u s ? M o r e i m p o r t a n t l y , why are they t ry ing to rush it t h r o u g h so q u i c k l y ? I n m y E d i t o r i a l in one o f the postgrad F E L I C E S I made some observa­tions as fo l lows :

" W h e n the idea o f m o v i n g the U n i o n to Southside was first m o o t e d , c a u t i o u s o p t i m i s m seemed to be in order . Premises in Southside are underused, a n d it is in everyone's advantage to have the U n i o n situated as near to the m a i n H a l l s o f Residence as p o s s i b l e . P l a n s h a d b e e n d r a w n up after l ong consu l ta ­t ions w i t h a responsible U n i o n President , a n d despite protests f r o m certain fact ions w h o h o l d a

strong sense o f t rad i t i on (notably my two predecessors) it seemed that the U n i o n c o u l d well benefit f r o m such a scheme.

B u t C o l l e g e ' s a t t i t u d e is changing . R ight f r o m the start J o h n S m i t h has been h o l d i n g his cards close to his chest. The move was proposed last M a r c h , but the plans were not revealed to the student body unt i l the very end of M a y , short ly before the end of term and certainly not a l l o w i n g enough time for suff i ­cient debate o n the matter before undergraduates went home for t h e l o n g v a c . I t w a s t h e n revealed that for the move to take place in September 1983, the U n i o n w o u l d have had to approve the plans by the end of October 1982, on ly a few weeks

a f t e r u n d e r g r a d u a t e s h a d r e ­assembled. C a u t i o n began to harden into suspic ion .

N o w the suspic ion is t u r n i n g to distrust. Col lege is t ry ing a d i f f e r e n t t a c k . P l a n s f o r the move have been shelved for the t ime being while Col lege offers more facil ities in Souths ide ; very generous, but we shou ld st i l l be wary o f their motives. In a year or so, i f M r S m i t h points out to a different Exec that since we have so many U n i o n activities based

in Southside it might benefit us to move the whole U n i o n there, it w i l l be as wel l to remember the methods that were tr ied the first t ime, a n d to examine the opt ions very c a r e f u l l y . "

The hard sell d idn ' t w o r k , so Col lege switched to a less heavy- ! handed a p p r o a c h . N o w , w i t h a new Exec most ly inexperienced in dea l ing w i t h Co l l ege , J o h n S m i t h has s w i t c h e d b a c k to t ry ing to push the deal through as q u i c k l y as possible—just as Mark Smith warned that he would in his Editorial last May. The c o r r e c t a t t i t u d e n o w , as i n A u g u s t , as last M a y is to be very, very, careful before we c o m m i t ourselves, a n d then to get the d e t a i l s o f ' a n y d e a l w e l l -publ i c i sed a n d in w r i t i n g .

Christmas F E L I C E S I warned y o u last week that there w i l l be no F E L I X next F r i d a y December 10; instead F E L I X has got together w i t h the Careers Service to produce a careers brochure c o n t a i n i n g lots o f articles for those o f y o u who are t h i n k i n g about what you ' re go ing to be d o i n g for eight hours a day for the rest o f y o u r l i fe. It w i l l be pr inted w i t h the o l d red F E L I X design ( l ike last year's F E L I C E S ) a n d there won ' t be enough for everyone to have one, so please don ' t take one i f you 're a first year or a second year w h o is less than keen o n m a k i n g a d e c i s i o n a b o u t a career. It's essential reading for t h i r d years, o f course.

The f o l l o w i n g Tuesday is the bumper C h r i s t m a s F E L I X , the l ike o f w h i c h has never been seen before. T h i s issue coincides w i t h t h e r e t i r e m e n t o f C a p t a i n L i n d l e y , the salty o l d sea-dog turned Col lege A d m i n i s t r a t o r w h o was so v i c ious ly p i l l o r i e d by my predecessors.

H e rose to fame two years ago w i t h his repeated insistance that Col lege is be ing r u n at the zenith o f efficiency, a n d this somewhat exaggerated view together w i t h his catchphrase T don ' t stand a n d count ' e m ' made h i m almost too vulnerable to a student rag

F E L I X B H H H M H H H i

such as this . I 've let h i m off l ight ly this t e rm, but next week the C h r i s t m a s F E L I X w i l l be a special C a p t a i n L i n d l e y retire­ment issue, w i th m u c h nava l and ex -naval h u m o u r .

I n a d d i t i o n , P i n o c c h i o is prepar ing a double spread o f p u z z l e s , Victor Mooney ( n o k idd ing ) is w r i t i n g on the l ighter s i d e o f C h r i s t m a s c o o k i n g , Scaramouche (remember him?) is of fering si l ly ideas for X m a s games, W a l k a b o u t - L o o k s e e w i l l be exp la in ing the best way to make mince pies l ight

A n d f i n a l l y , we s h a l l r e ­i n t r o d u c e the C h r i s t m a s free gift, a regular t rad i t i on u n t i l two years ago. Yes , the team w h o brought y o u the cut-out m o d e l o f the A l b e r t M e m o r i a l , the contraceptive smartie (ho ld it between your knees) a n d y o u r very o w n F E L I X hack (a cough sweet in every issue) have done it again . W a i t t i l l next week a n d see the biggest and best free gift ever. A l l this a n d more in your C h r i s t m a s F E L I X , p u b l i s h e d Tuesday week.

Clubs and Societies A letter f r o m Chess C l u b in rather in jured tone compla ins that I refused to pr int a bor ing article they submitted two weeks a g o ; m a y I o f f e r m y o w n

d e f e n c e , r a t h e r t h a n use the p i t i fu l excuses they put into my m o u t h i n t h e i r l e t t e r ( b e f o r e d e m o l i s h i n g them, o f course).

Y o u were warned at the end of last term ( in my statement o f intent) a n d in the Freshers ' issue that this year 's po l i cy w o u l d be to cut right back on clubs a n d s o c i e t i e s a r t i c l e s . I a s k e d i f anyone objected to this , and received no compla in ts .

W e do pr int some R C C and S C C art ic les , a n d I 'm sorry i f the C h e s s C l u b c o n s i d e r t h e m ' m e a n i n g l e s s d r i v e l ' : n e v e r ­theless it 's not their j o b to decide what is dr ive l and what isn't : it 's mine. A n d I base my decision, not on ly o n my o w n o p i n i o n , but o n feedback f r o m other students. Last year the consensus was that most c lubs and societies articles (with few exceptions, notably Sci F i ) were bor ing ; this year, then, they get axed.

But there is another , yet more impor tant reason, a n d this is why A C C get three pages a n d R C C , S C C , the B o o k s h o p a n d the C C U s share one page: space is F E L I X is on ly l imi ted by the m a n p o w e r avai lab le , a n d it is part .of the A C C V i c e - C h a i r m a n ' s j o b to act as F E L I X S p o r t s E d i t o r . C h r i s M a l l a b a n d , a n d before h i m Lesley H o r r o c k s a n d P h i l W e b b , came to be sports

December 3, 1 9 8 2 • • • • •

editor v ia their interest in sport , not j o u r n a l i s m ; i f anyone f r o m R C C or S C C is prepared to take responsibl i ty for a page or two o f F E L I X , I ' l l be more than del ighted to let them f i l l it w i th al l the clubs and societies articles they want . I mean this quite seriously: any takers?

Other Inclusions N o society, rel igious or otherwise, has a G o d - g i v e n right to articles in F E L I X . A l l letters, s m a l l ads, f e a t u r e s a n d o p i n i o n s a r e inc luded at my d iscret ion , a n d I t e n d to be less d i s c r e e t w i t h a n y t h i n g a n o n y m o u s or pseud­o n y m o u s .

W h e n it comes to O p i n i o n po l i cy is to a l l ow anyone the r ight to one art ic le , a n d then any oppos ing fact ion the right o f reply. I cannot then a l l o w the first wri ter to reply to the reply or pro l i f e ra t i on a n d b o r e d o m become the order o f the day. If y o u write an o p i n i o n , I ' m a fra id y o u ' l l have to accept that y o u r o p p o n e n t s w i l l h a v e the las t w o r d . I won ' t let the o p i n i o n co lumns become a l i terary table -t e n n i s m a t c h ; i f y o u ' r e n o t happy w i t h the state o f affairs after two articles, write to the letters page.

Christmas F E L I X Copy Deadline is 1730h o n M o n d a y 6th .

I Page5

Letters continued from page 4

Logorrhoea Sir

M r G a r s i d e in his letter last w e e k o m i t t e d s e v e r a l v e r y impor tant po ints , that I feel it is my duty to correct. F i r s t l y , D r C T O n i o n s ' book ' A n E t y m o l o g y o f the Eng l i sh L a n g u a g e ' gives the w o r d 'betray ' as der iv ing f r o m the L a t i n ' T r a d e o - e r e ' , f r o m which we also have such words as ' T r a d e r ' — s u r e l y an honest occupat ion .

Secondly . I fa i l to see how M r G a r s i d e can refer to Webster 's 'Usage and A b u s a g e ' w i thout ment ion ing H e i n r i c h Spl i t ter ' s a u t h o r i t a t i v e w o r k ' T h e E t y ­mo log i ca l D e r i v a t i o n s o f E n g ­l i s h f r o m G e r m a n W o r d s ' . W h i l e admit ted ly H e r r Spl i t ter does not actua l ly m e n t i o n the w o r d i n q u e s t i o n , s u c h a n omiss ion o n M r Gars ide ' s part is total ly unforg ivable .

F i n a l l y , M r G a r s i d e cannot be unaware o f my A m e r i c a n c o l ­league Professor J C r u m b l i n g -S w e a t s h i r t ' s b o o k ' R e a l l y amaz ing ly obscure, lud i crous or j u s t p l a i n s i l l y m e a n i n g s o f everyday words ' , w h i c h attaches to the w o r d 'betray ' a s y m b o l i c meaning that (while I shal l not ment ion it in the co lumns o f this w o r t h y j o u r n a l ) M r G a r s i d e might do we l l to research.

I a m . S i r , del ighted to have been able to clear up this l ittle matter.

Yours faithfully C o l o n e l R T F i n c h - W a t e r b u t t

(retd)

Ignorant Democracy

Dear Martin The recent articles in F E L I X

s u g g e s t t h a t t h e r e is n o w a considerable amount o f interest

I i n — a n d ignorance a b o u t — t h e I N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f Students at I I C -

The matter is impor tant a n d ' concerns not only those o f us i s tudy ing here n o w , but future | g e n e r a t i o n s o f s t u d e n t s . T h i s

surely merits the cost o f a £300 campus -wide re ferendum o n re-a f f i l i a t i on .

T h e U n i o n c a n a f f o r d t o spend ten times this amount o n repaint ing the central staircase in the U n i o n B u i l d i n g . F u r t h e r ­m o r e , t h e r e is a U n i o n c o n ­tingency fund of £9,000 avai lable i n r e se rve f o r j u s t s u c h u n -budgeted expenditure , s h o u l d the need arise.

Rent-a Sloth Fur

Dear Martin H a v i n g trudged weari ly back

to m y h o v e l a f t e r a t a x i n g m o r n i n g s i t t ing a r o u n d t a l k i n g to people (all elfin properties being somewhat l a c k i n g due to the weather a n d the fact that I had to breakfast before 9:30), I shambled across to the letter-rack , a n d l o ! I beheld a letter.

W i t h a c e r t a i n a m o u n t o f trepidat ion (ref C & G President) I fumbled wi th the contents. W a s it this quarter 's ed i t i on o f 'The electronic ca l cu lator and marsup ia l fanciers ' gazette'? O r perhaps, j oy u p o n j o y , the latest c i r cu lar f r o m the R o b i n D a y F a n C l u b . C o u l d it be (at times l i k e t h i s , o n e ' s m i n d a l w a y s turns to the more fundamenta l desires) that an u n k n o w n P e r u ­v ian great aunt h a d left me a smal l fortune in sloth furs? M y m i n d raced.

U n f o r t u n a t e l y it transpired to be a f ina l d e m a n d note f or my H a l l fees, w h i c h w o u l d n ' t have been quite so peeving i f I hadn't pa id them weeks ago.

De termined to rent my frus­t rat ion u p o n some unsuspecting bureaucrat I strode forceful ly into the Students Services Off ice.

M u c h to my d isappointment I was total ly deflated by a very a p o l o g e t i c g e n t l e m a n w h o expla in there was a lot o f it about , a n d they were ca l l ing in r e n t - t o - k i l l next week. B y way of exp lanat i on he showed me a s ingular ly unimpress ive , large, dog-eared str ing o f paper with lots o f b i ro o n i t .

The reason? C o m p u t e r s , of course.

Yours ironically A n d y R o b i n s o n

D o C 1

Space Fillers

Dear Sir D o n ' t y o u p u b l i s h s h o r t

letters any more? Yours faithfully

Ian N Lacey M R E P G

C o n s i d e r i n g t h a t t i m e s a r e hard for I C U (!) it w o u l d seem t h a t , r e l a t i v e l y s p e a k i n g , the price o f a democrat ic choice in the matter is perhaps not so expensive after a l l .

Yours sincerely Peter B u r t

HINDS UP I

be kool-write for The Phoenix poems, short stories, articles all required leave your contributions in the FELIX Office

CHRISTMAS PARTY

jvidfy i f f i focPnkr in \%c j.c.r.

ONIA £ 1 ? !

Page 61 December 3, 1982 FELIX

Human Rights Week During the next seven days, a whole range of clubs and societies will be getting together with the aim of making members of the College more aware of violations of human rights in the world. The result is Human Rights Week, being held under the auspices of the Social Clubs Committee.

Throughout the next week there will be speakers and films on various aspects of human rights. On Thursday there is a Human Rights Fair in the J C R at which clubs will be represented by displays and stalls. Further details are given later.

It is a l l too easy to accuse governments w h i c h are o f a different po l i t i ca l or religious persuasion o f h u m a n rights v io lat ions while ignor ing those carr ied out by one's o w n . The U n i t e d K i n g d o m government has been f ound gui l ty by the E u r o p e a n C o m m i s s i o n o f H u m a n Rights , in recent years, o f t o r tur ing prisoners in its gaols, restricting press freedom, restrict ing people's right not to j o i n a trade u n i o n and hav ing subjected cr imina ls to degrading punishment .

Ci t i zens o f this country , however, do have some f o r m of remedy against their government. People in some countries are not so fortunate.

H u m a n Rights Week is a way of i n f o r m i n g you of their pl ight . A t the very least the Week w i l l remind those who live in free countries , l ike the U K , how l u c k y they are a n d of the need for constant vigi lance to defend their cherished freedoms.

E V E N T S All Week Lunchtimes JCR West London Chaplaincy m e m ­bers w i l l be urging you to write to y o u r M P to s t o p B r i t i s h companies export ing equipment that can be used for torture. One s u c h p i e c e o f e q u i p m e n t , a s h o c k - b a t o n , o f f e r e d to c u s ­

tomers ( inc lud ing representatives o f the C h i l e a n j u n t a ) at the B r i t i s h A r m y E q u i p m e n t E x h i ­b i t i on was described as ' ideal for use in penal inst i tut ions ' and 'produces about 4,000 volts but wi th very low current to avo id burns or permanent in jury ' and w o u l d almost certainly be used for t or tur ing .

Tuesday 1:00pm Civ Eng 201 ' The C y p r u s P r o b l e m ' A talk by the C u l t u r a l A t t a c h e t o t h e C y p r i o t Embassy in L o n d o n , organised by the C y p r i o t Society.

1:15pm ME 220 A n eyewitness account o f the destruct ion of L e b a n o n d u r i n g the recent Israeli o c cupat ion , by two O x f a m relief workers , P a m and Derek C o o p e r , organised by the Is lamic Society.

1:30pm Physics LT1 A m n e s t y I n t e r n a t i o n a l a r e s h o w i n g t h e f i l m Lines to Freedom. T h i s f i lm examines the cases o f four people adopted by A m n e s t y , a n d i n c l u d e s a n i n t e r v i e w w i t h a n e x - m i l i t a r y torturer f rom U r u g u a y .

6:00pm ME 342 F r e d H a l l i d a y , author , corres­pondent for the Guardian and New Statesman and a unique a u t h o r i t y o n w h a t has been happening in Iran over the past few years, w i l l be speaking on ' R e v o l u t i o n and C o u n t e r R e v o ­lut i on in I r a n ' organised by the Social ist and Iran ian Societies.

6:00pm Union Lower Refectory W I S T have a speaker f rom the I n t e r n a t i o n a l C o n t r a c e p t i o n , A b o r t i o n a n d S t e r i l i z a t i o n

C a m p a i g n . T h i s organisat ion is invo lved in p r o m o t i n g abor t i on wor ldwide as wel l as t ry ing to stop such practices as c l i torect -omy.

A l s o , the C a t h o l i c Society have a s p e a k e r f r o m the L i n n a k e r G r o u p on ' M o r a l i t y In M e d i -

Thursday

Lunchtime JCR A Human Rights Fair w i th stalls f rom the A n t i - A p a r t h e i d G r o u p deal ing wi th the oppression o f the b l a c k m a j o r i t y i n S o u t h A f r i c a , the C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y deal ing wi th aspects o f h u m a n rights in L a t i n - A m e r i c a a n d the r o l e o f the C a t h o l i c c h u r c h t h e r e , a n d J e w i s h S o c i e t y l o o k i n g at aff l icted minor i t ies in A r a b a n d I s l a m i c c o u n t r i e s w h e t h e r C h r i s t i a n s , J e w s o r K u r d s a n d focus ing o n S y r i a n J e w r y .

1:00pm Union Lower Refectory The Social ist & L a t i n - A m e r i c a n Societies w i l l be showing the f i lm El Salvador-Another Vietnam. T h i s f i lm examines whether the U S A must bear responsibi l i ty for m u c h o f the trouble a n d bruta l atrocities carr ied out in t h i s C e n t r a l A m e r i c a n s t a t e d u r i n g the last couple of years.

i i i i i _t I_I i i i i ICCCCCO [ l ~ l ~ l ~ l ~ l ~ M t I I I

W H A T A N U N I N S P I R E D lot y o u are! Bare ly anyth ing wor thy of a spr ig o f ho l ly , let alone an acrostic that cou ld w in a X m a s pudd ing . S t i l l , I've had a few entries, a n d that can't be a l l bad , I suppose. F r o m N i c k M o r t o n , last year's I C U President we have F L O W E R S : F o r l o r n L o r d O n l y W e a r s E x t r e m e l y R a r e Smi le and (rather better, I th ink ) N I C K Y P Y N E : N o v i c e I n c o m ­petent C h a i r m a n Keen ly Yearns Presidency, Yet Needs E lec t ing . N i c k P y n e h i m s e l f o f f e r e d M A R T I N S T A Y L O R : M a n y A R o u g h T i m e I n s p i r e s N o n ­d e s c r i p t S t u d e n t T o A t t e m p t Y e a r L o n g O r a t o r i a l R e p r o ­d u c t i o n . M o v i n g a w a y f r o m personalit ies, Stephen Barnett (Physics P G ) gave us Q U A N ­T U M M E C H A N I C S : Q u i t e Untrue A n d N o t T e r r i b l y Useful M e t h o d M i g h t E v e n C a u s e H a r m f u l A n d N o n t r i v i a l In f in i ­ties C o r r u p t i n g Science. B u t m y favourite so far is f rom News E d i t c r A d r i a n J a m e s — G U I L D -S H E E T : G r a m m a r U s u a l l y I n a c c u r a t e , L a y o u t D r e a d f u l , S p e l l i n g H o r r e n d o u s , E d i t o r Especially Tedious .

B E L O W %3ek>

A s I wrote last week, the best offering by 1:00pm Wednesday wins a large Chr i s tmas p u d d i n g , so get t h i n k i n g . (Gross ly O v e r ­weight U n i o n Leader. . . . )

S O M A N Y doctors ' recept ion­i s t s t a k e p r i d e i n b e i n g as obstructively off ic ious as possi ­ble; such a relief then, to f ind that those at the Col lege H e a l t h C e n t r e are a b o u t as h e l p f u l , charming and efficient as it is possible to be. S t i l l , even H o m e r nods, as they say, and I was amused to hear a story about someone w h o phoned up the H e a l t h Centre to ask i f it w o u l d be possible to book an appo in t ­ment w i t h D r T o n y H a i n e s . Since T o n y had recently left to take up his new j o b , the recep­tionist replied that she was sorry but ' D r Haines is no longer with us. '

There was a sl ightly embar­rassed pause before the caller replied ' O h dear, I am sorry.. .1 had no idea ' a n d then hung up, clearly under the impression that

• i i i t i i i i i i i i i i i i I_L i i i i i i i i t i i i i i i i i I I I i i i i

T i • • 1 • I 1 • • • 1 • I I • I T I I • 1 1 I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I 1 I

I I 1 I t I I I I I I I I _i~i~i~rri"ri~i~t"i~i _ri~i~i~i_i_i_i_i_i_i,

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T o n y had been cal led to much higher service.

A N O T H E R C O U P L E o f stories f r o m the H e a l t h Centre , this t i m e f r o m a s p l e n d i d f r eeb ie given by the staff to introduce us U n i o n h a c k s l o t h e H e a l t h Centre people, a n d in part i cu lar to A l a n S w a n n , the new doctor .

Stephen G o u l d e r was there, o f c o u r s e , h a v i n g c o m e f r o m several other receptions d u r i n g the day, a d r i n k in the bar at luncht ime and the U n i o n sherry hour at six o ' c lock ; consequently he was more than a little the worse for a l c o h o l , and when he came to introduce the Deputy P r e i s d e n t a n d the H o n o r a r y Secretary of the U n i o n , he forgot not one but both o f their names.

But for me the most i ronic incident o f the evening was the absence o f D r S w a n n himself , who had left w o r k at luncht ime that day. Reason? H e wasn't feeling wel l !

O N E D A Y I real ly must meet G a r e t h F i s h and f ind out just why (or how) he keeps getting invo lved in such cur ious predica ­m e n t s . T h i s w e e k ' s e s c a p a d e

FELIX1 I December 3, 19821

c o n c e r n s t w o p h o t o g r a p h s I have been given of said M r F i s h without c l o th ing i n the U n i o n B a r . In one o f them he is being forc ib ly held d o w n in a spread-eagle posture for heaven knows what purpose , a n d in the other he is locked in an embrace wi th the R a g M a g ' s pneumat ic a d ­vertis ing manager , L e a h Phelps. I h a v e r e f u s e d t o p r i n t the photos in the interest o f pubic decency.

I D O N ' T K N O W what some people expect o f a newspaper. M i k e M a c C l a n c y , s u b j e c t o f several anecdotes in this c o l u m n last week, came to see me last F r i d a y fu l l o f merr iment and laughter. W h y , he wanted to k n o w , had I missed out some o f his grossest cock-ups? H e went on to detail several more stories a g a i n s t h i m s e l f , a l l o f w h i c h caused m u c h h i lar i ty a m o n g the F E L I X staff.

It was a very different M r M a c C l a n c y w h o came to see me later in the week, quite outraged that I was actual ly consider ing p r i n t i n g more stories about h i m . S t i l l , I've spelt his name right this week, so he hasn't got quite so m u c h to grumble at.

I Page7

PINIONi Three weeks ago Friends of Palestine wrote an Opinion article expressing their point of view on the conflicts in the Middle East. The following week Jewish Society made reply, and this week it is the turn of a third faction to express their opinions on the others' views.

In The Name of God Peace in Palestine

—an Islamic Perspective

Thus we believe that the k i l l i n g o f even one ch i ld is enough to define the recent Israeli aggression as a 'ho locaust ' .

A s musl ims (devoted to G o d ) we have to work for the achievement o f Just ice ; surely, we w o u l d prefer this to be done peacefully a n d we i n v i t e e v e r y b o d y i n v o l v e d to c o n t r i b u t e . H o w e v e r , j u s t i c e i n c l u d e s 'harshness ' l o the cr imina ls as ordained in the L a w :

" W e ordained therein (Torah) for them Life for life, eye for eye, Nose for nose, ear for ear T o o t h for tooth , and wounds E q u a l for e q u a l . "

Tippy Sheriff

Peace in Palestine and for that matter anywhere in the world must be based on Justice.

E v e r y b o d y knows and understands the hardships inf l i c ted u p o n the Jews by the Naz is d u r i n g W o r l d W a r II. H o w e v e r , it is n o t u n d e r s t a n d a b l e w h y t h i s sub jec t is a l w a y s b r o u g h t up w h e n e v e r s o m e b o d y mentions Z ion is t crimes. W h y is it that the Jews want people to condemn the N a z i s for their cr imes, but whitewash the crimes o f the Z i on i s t state? T h i s shows a double standard attitude.

G o d , w h o created the Heavens , the E a r t h a n d m a n k i n d is the most Beneficient. H e gave us ( through H i s Prophets) the L a w to keep us f rom going astray, he has (in H i s L a s t Revelat ion) reminded the Jews and the Chr i s t i ans o f the importance o f keeping to H i s L a w :

" S a y : O People o f the B o o k ! Ye have no ground T o stand u p o n unless Y e stand fast by the L a w , The G o s p e l , a n d a l l the Revelat ion T h a t has come to you f r o m Y o u r L o r d . " ( K o r a n 5-71)

G o d promised to give the H o l y L a n d to those who u p h o l d H i s L a w , those who enjoin what is right and forb id what is wrong . H e does not favour a people o f a par t i cu lar race or co l our but people o f good faith and act ion .

" W e orda ined for the chi ldren o f Israel T h a t i f anyone slew A person—unless it be F o r murder or for spreading mischie f in the L a n d — It w o u l d be as i f H e slew the whole o f m a n k i n d ( K o r a n 5:35)

Meanwhile, from another quarter entirely, some foreign news of a different kind

Fe Gofiwn Ni! A r rhagfyr 1 l eg 1282, C w b l h a w y d concwest L l o e g r o G y m r u a marwolaeth L l e w e l y n ap G r u f f y d d yng nghyf f in iau C i l m e r i .

T o r r w y d e i b e n y m a i t h a ' i g l u d o i L u n d a i n i 'w arddangos ar bo lyn . C l a d d w y d ei gorff yn ybaty c w m h i r . C o d w y d carreg ar ei F e d d gan gof iwn yn 1978.

Gerwyn ap meudwy (MRE I) a Alan (Tywysog Mawr) Robinson (Physics J) (Bach yng ngynar o n d penb lwydd hapus i G a y n o r . )

Imperial College Choir presents

Canterbury pilgrims

Dyson's setting of Chaucer's Prologue

Friday 10th December 1982 in the Great Hall 8pm

Tickets £1.50 (students £1) from Choir members or the Haldane Library.

PageSU December 3, 19821 FELIX

IREVIEWSI

Little Cretin Schweyk in the Second World War by Bertolt Brecht, music by Hanns Eisler, directed by Richard Eyre, The Olivier, National Theatre.

Schweyk, the archetypal 'little man' and imbecile and moron extraordinaire, was born of the pen of Jaroslav Hasek in the early years of this century. In The Good Soldier Schweyk, the hero achieves the rare distinction of being t a k e n p r i s o n e r by his o w n s ide . H e is a disgrace to his uniform (an ill-fitting one).

Jaroslav Hasek, a Bohemian, seems to bear an uncanny resemblance to the hero in his novel. Hasek scribbled stories in the intervals of wandering off and getting into drunken brawls. H i s sole biographer, S ir C e c i l Parrott , re lates of his f requent entry in to po l i ce records, one of which was to the effect that "while in an intoxicated state, the above-named performed his lesser bodily needs in front of the main police station." A one-time soldier and a one-time anarchist, he achieved a modicum of respectability when he edited a journal called 'An imal W o r l d ' , but spoiled it by inventing new animals and embellishing it with hitherto unknown facts such as that elephants enjoy gramophone records.

Brecht considerably reworked the novel into the musical play we have today. The Brechtian Schweyk is once again an accomplished cretin who tells jokes and ludicrous anecdotes with an incessant zeal. Bill Paterson takes on the (demanding) title role in the production at the National Theatre , and what a hilarious evening it turns out to be!

Schweyk 's cretinism is gloriously demon­strated right from the start of the play. A Gestapo agent brings in news of attempt on A d o l f ' s life in M u n i c h . S c h w e y k w o n d e r s whether this is the Adolf who worked for the chemists and is now in the concentration camp, or the Adolf who collected dog manure and is now in the concentration camp.

But there is more to Schweyk than his imbecility. Schweyk does not resist. H e does not rebel. H e does not argue. H e does not question. He does not demand. He does not defy. In short, Schweyk possesses all those splendidly negative attributes that authority l o o k s for in the per fec t , pass ive c i t i z e n . Authority can always depend on Schweyk. But don't think Schweyk and his story is a period piece. O h no, Schweykism lives and there are S c h w e y k s e v e r y w h e r e , y e s e v e n i n t h i s College. Even the person sitting next to you as you read this m a y be a S c h w e y k . ( Y o u r reviewer knows of at least two Schweyks in the College.) Most importantly for the play, a Schweyk knows the secret of immortality itself: yield. The first rule of Schweykism is conquer by yielding. Shall not the meek inherit the earth?

In Schweyk in the Second World War we a r e s e e i n g h o w t h e w o r l d ' s S c h w e y k s contributed to Hitler's global campaigns, albeit in a hilarious manner. The play is interluded with views of the 'higher regions' where Hitler and his accomplices look down on the world a n d d e m a n d r e a s s u r a n c e that they m a y depend on 'the little man' , and it is here that we witness a stroke of genius by the designer of this production, Wil l iam Dudley. Hitler and his grim gang (Himmler, Goering, Goebbels and V a n Bock ) are presented as enormous figures with strikingly large masks. These appear right at the beginning of the play in a halo of dry ice and coloured lights among clouds drawn in the manner of caricatures of these characters. Hissing electronic sounds complement their metallic echoing voices, and one is reminded of

some episode of D r W h o involving the master of the universe or some such. The production is full of such bedazzling theatrical effects. O n returning to the auditorium after the interval one is confronted with a n enormous b o x over which is draped a black cloth. At t h e start of the second part a huge hand descends upon this box and lifts off the drapery with forefinger a n d t h u m b in a P y t h o n e s q u e f a s h i o n . A Hogar th ian corner of B e d l a m is revealed, replete with cripples, and of course Schweyk.

Besides the settings and the effects, the characters and the plot are no less amusing. Brettschneider. Gestapo agent provocateur, is played by Will iam Armstrong . Wi th a small moustache, well worn raincoat and grubby briefcase he looks t h e picture of a provincial newspaper journalist seeking some sord id piece of scandal, M r Armstrong can assume

the most ludicrous and comic facial expres­s e s . Br ian Glover plays Baloun, a rotund gentleman rather partial to dumplings, and Harry Towb plays the part of S S Lieutenant Bullinger. A large part of the plot comes around the trouble Schweyk finds himself landed in when he is ordered by SS Bullinger to wrest out of the clutches of its owner a little dog he (Bullinger) has taken a fancy to in the park. Bullinger wants to give it to his wife, and S c h w e y k has to get the dog or face the consequences.

The production comes a little bit loose at the seams in the second part when there is much wandering about the stage and little dialogue but th is doesn ' t blot the p r o d u c t i o n in a significant way. The play remains very funny, totally zany and totally unmissable.

Nick Bedding

Lyrical Epic The Night of San Lorenzo, Cert A, written and directed by Paolo and Vittorio Taviani, Curzon Cinema, Cur on St. Subtitled.

It is the night of San Lorenzo , the night of the falling stars when wishes come true, that a young woman chooses to recall her loved one, her baby son, one such night long ago in 1944 when she and a group of peasants iefi behind their small Tuscan village to escape the Nazis and seek the protection of their allies, the Americans. But the child is asleep and the young woman therefore talks to herself and the audience.

The peasants wander across their ancestral landscape managing to avoid the Germans but failing to avoid the fascists, the blackshirts. These encounters are brief and bloody, but throughout the film the peasants' struggle with the landscape and with the marauding gangs of fascists is blown up to epic proportions in the minds of the survivors. The events are as seen through the eyes of a six-year-old girl, but the Taviani brothers are clearly seeking to chart how a human ordeal changes with time in the minds of individuals, and how it is embellished a n d h a n d e d d o w n t h r o u g h the e n s u i n g decades. In short the brothers are seeking the origins of a legend. The peasants' arduous trek through the countryside becomes a kind o f Iliad and when, through hunger and tiredness, they begin to hallucinate, they see Homeric

figures complete with shield, helmet and lance materialise by their side.

The film paints some shocking contrasts Not all the villagers left their homes, about half sought refuge in the church: the church , and the peop le i n s i d e , are b l o w n up by the Germans . The sight of the priest, dejected and surrounded by corpses, and suddenly lonely as his remaining flock escape the scene of carnage carrying with them their mutilations was i n d e e d a p i t i fu l s ight . (The T a v i a n brothers claim the events as fact; the film is b a s e d o n t h e i r c h i l d h o o d e x p e r i e n c e s Another shocking contrast was a fierce battle b e t w e e n the w a n d e r i n g p e a s a n t s a n d the blackshirts in a ripe corn field. However , this scene somewhat failed to convey the drama i n t e n d 1. Many died in this confrontation but because the film never built up on character isation to any significant extent, this episode was somewhat distant and unmoving. Even the superb O m e r o Antonutt i , who played a harsh and almost eccentric father in the brothers' a c c l a i m e d Padre Padrone, fails to c o m through as a distinct character.

T h e f i lm ends w h e r e it s t a r t e d w i t h a romantic view of a starlit sky above a quiet city, seen through the opened windows of a room. The woman's voice softly concludes the tale; the legend has now become a romance. Winner of the Special J u r y Prize at this year's C a n n e s F i l m F e s t i v a l The Night of San Lorenzo is lyrical, visionary and epic, and despite its limitations it remains a very good film.

N i c k Bedding

F E L I X I I December 3, 19821 I Page9

R E A L

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A N IC D R A M S O C P R O D U C T I O N

R O S E N C R A N T Z A N D

9 G U I L D E N S T E R N

T O M S T O P P A R D A R E D E A D I M P E R I A L C O L L E G E U N I O N C O N C E R T H A L L

WEDS 8th: T H U R S 9th: FRI 10th: SAT 11 ih: Die:

P R I C E £1.50 7:30pm

Ttto C80MWELLIAIV7

Entrance on 3 Cromwel l Road S W 7

Teh 584 7258 Opposite Natural History Museum, 2 mins from South Kensington Tube

NEW C O C K T A I L A N D W I N E B A R

Open ing : Monday - Friday 6 . 0 0 - 1 1 . 0 0 Saturday - 9.00 -11 .00

INTRODUCING H A P P Y H O U R S

6.00 - 9.00 pm Cockta i ls at £ 1 . 2 0 & Drinks 60p

ALSO N I G H T C L U B

open Tuesday - Saturday 11.00pm - Late.

With Ladies Night on Wednesdays.

Ladies FREE Entrance Cocktails £1.00

Drinks 70p

Sports Centre

Open Sundays

0900 — 1300h

Squash (staff) £1.50 per cou r t . Squash (student) 75p per cour t .

S w i m (staff) 50p per pe rson S w i m (student) 30p per pe rson .

Season tickets allowed up to Xmas.

L O S T P R O P E R T Y

Security have 7 calculators

all handed in since the start

of term. C o m e to R m 150,

Sherfield Bui lding to iden­

tify yours.

John Boroughs

Security Officer

•outhsibe i£>hop Stocking Jailers;

Is Mum fed up with the umpteenth bottle of Chanel No. 5 ? Could Dad possibly fit another Rolls Royce Silver Ghost into the garage?

Then why not buy your family one of the marvellous range of IC goodies for a change? Each item proudly bears your College crest and can be pur­chased from the Southside Shop. Choose from:

Polyester headsquares £2.20

Stratton powder compacts £6.50 Gilt-edged playing cards £2.50 IC pottery mugs £0.80

There are also a wide range of other goods available, including sweat­shirts, T-shirts, ties, cuff-links, tie-pins, glassware and cassettes.

So to ensure a merry Chr is tmas (not to mention next term's parental contribution) pop into your local shop soon!

Page 101 I December 3 , 19821 I FELIX

RSM ICLUBS & SOCIETIES!

Thanks very much to everyone who came out on M o r p h y Day and completely fed the other two mobs in the battle. It was all the more convincing considering R C S didn't even use a van and so both they and C & G were going for the same one. Anyway well done and don't worry about C & G claims of possessing V 3 r d of the oar as they obviously didn't know its original length (but what do you expect from bad losers).

Starting on December 12 (Sunday) is our F o r e i g n S t u d e n t s W e e k . T h i s is a v e r y important week for us and we really need people to come along on all the evenings and give the foreign students a good time. W e have the reputation of having the best F S Week in Europe, so let's make sure we all live up to that. A s k M i k e Naylor ( F S O ) if he needs any help or for any details.

N B : W e need your names for the Mines Ball (Dec 17). C o m e in to the office with a cheque and book your place. W e also need the names of partners of people who haven't told us, and we need them now! Foreign Students Week

Sun Dec 12, G l u c k Auf, Southside Bar. M o n Dec 13, Pub C r a w l , Starts Un ion Bar. Tues Dec 14, H o n Porns Nite , Union Bldg. W e d Dec 15, F S Bar Nite , Un ion Bar. Thurs Dec 16, De L a Beche Party, Mines Fr i Dec 17, Mines Bal l , Sherfield C o m e and have a great time. Cheers .

Nige

RCS Congratulations to the masses who came

collecting on the 24-hr collection—the prizes for top collector and highest average year will be awarded at the Chr is tmas U G M .

A reminder to all reps that G e n C o m m is on Monday . Y o u were elected to represent your views, come along and let them be heard.

Christmas comes early to R C S U with the event of the season being held on Thursday in the J C R . Basil 's Balls U p B a n d , a disco, food and free beer (and wine) after 11:00 for just £1.50 with a refund if you wear Christmas fancy dress. Tickets available from soc reps and the Union Office. See you there!

Fiona

STOIC It has just been brought to our notice that there are other societies at Imperial College other than S T O I C that is. W e found this newz somewhat surprising as, apart from the odd fight with the F E L I X What 's O n Editor, we never hear from them.

Contrary to popular belief Newzbreak does have an audience (we know this as they keep phoning us up when we disconnect their sets) and iz therefore a useful means of publicity for eventz which are open to all IC students.

Although some of you may never have experienced it, S T O I C can produce extremely professional vizual material, and although our Quantel unit iz at present on loan to Channel Four , our prezenters are always ready to provide one of our constitutional functions which is to publicise union (and society) eventz and we have an almost endless stock of zs.

Remember, societies, we don't all scour the F E L I X What 's O n page searching you out, so contact us at the T V Studio or on internal 2637.

O u r H o n Sec says " L o o k what we did for Gui lds M o t o r C l u b , " anyway, we're sorry and

1 we won't let it happen again, f-E L 1 X HIIMIW •!• II 111 l — l I HI I I I B I I I I H i l l l l M l l l l

Bookshop News M e m b e r s of the H G W e l l s S o c i e t y m a y remember G o r d o n Pask coming to speak to you , which I gather went down extremely well. H e has a new book recently published Micro Man, living and growing with computers. G o r d o n Pask and Susan C u r r a n published by Century Publishing C o . They were established early this year and will be specialising in books on science and technology. Christmas Suggestions Shogun Inheritance - Col l ins £12.95 Pottery in the Roman World - L o n g m a n £14.95 Encyclopaedia of Art - Macmi l lan £5.95 Four Seasons Cookery Book - C o o k e r y Clubs £4.95 Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain -Souvenir £6.95 Motoring for Millions ~ Blandford £8.95 Which Book of DIY - Hodder £11.95 Spectacle of the Empire - Faber £12.50 World Atlas of Wine - Beazley £17.95 Lichfield on Photography - Col l ins £9.95 Voyage of the Armada - Col l ins £9.95 Art of Making Wine - A u r u m £6.95 Winston Churchill - Macmi l lan £8.95 Falklands War - Beazley £9.95 Concise Atlas of World History - Times £12.50 Some Lovely Islands - Arl ington £11.95 The Beatles - Blandford £4.95 Science and Life of Albert Einstem - O U P £15.00 G o o d English Guide - Dent £7.95 Profit Forecasts - G o w e r £19.50 Roget's Thesaurus - Longman £7.95 Discovering Britain - Hodder £12.95

Border Reflections - Col l ins £5.95 How Birds Walk - Blandford £8.95 Gulliver's Travels - Macmillan E3.95 Dictionary of Ghosts - Hale £9.50 Prodigal Daughter - Hodder £7.95 Stately Homes of Britain — Debrett £12.50 There is only one Raffles - Souvenir £8.95 Dreamers Dictionary - Souvenir £6.95 Within Whicker's World - E l m Tree £8.95 Holy Blood and Holy Grail - Cape £8.95 Best of James Herriot - Joseph £12.95 National Trust Atlas - Philips £9.95 Sports Photographic - A u r u m £9.95 In the Mouth of the Dragon - Century £8.95 Desert Marsh & Mountain - Col l ins £15.00 Quest for Adventure - Hoder £14.95 Railway Photography - David & Charles £12.50 Cookery in Colour - Hamlyn £3.99 Pastry Book - David & Char les £7.95 Cuisine of the World - Al len £7.95 Microwave Recipe Book - N o r t h w o o d £7.75 Full Circle - M c C r a e £9.95 Map Makers - Junct ion £12.50 Churchill Family Album — Lane £12.95 Dictionary of Trade Names - R K P £7.95 Illustrated Dictionary of Nautical Terms -David & Char les £9.95 Guide to the Law - Lane £14.95 Macmillan Encycloposdia - Macmi l lan £14.95 Drinks Books - Macdona ld £7.95

T o the H e a d of Department who wanted to give all thirty of his staff a copy of Science For Industry, published by Imperial College at £6.75

' hardback, £3.50 paperbck, we are selling out. So, if he could please send a firm order to me, as I wouldn't like to disappoint all his staff by not having enough stock. Thank you!

J Soc A l l the recent events seem to indicate that IC J S o c is becoming more broad-minded. Shock ! H o r r o r ! Is t h a t w h y the c h a i r m a n h a s resigned? W a s the Friday meal at the Liberal Synagogue the turning po int—no one wanted to go to the orthodox equivalent? A n d the trip to the Spanish and Portuguese Synagogue—it attracted all sorts of peoplle. What will this Friday's controversial , provocative yet truthful account of events in Lebanon do for this image? Wi l l the speaker give a second lecture? W i l l a n y o n e be e l e c t e d c h a i r m a n , at the C h a n u k a h Party? Is this the end of J Soc civilisation as we know it? F o r the answers t o t h e s e q u e s t i o n s a n d m o r e , s e n d a se l f -addressed envelope and two latkes t o acting c h a i r p e r s o n s , c / o S C l e t t e r - r a c k s , U n i o n Office, or come along t o any event listed in What ' s O n (eg today 5:45pm).

MOPSOC This week's lecture is entitled 'Success runs,

M a r k e r c h a i n s a n d s t r e n g t h s of f i b r o u s m a t e r i a l s ' in s h o r t ' S t a t i s t i c a l t h e o r i e s of strength'. It will be delivered by Dr Richard Smith of the Physics Department on Tuesday at 1:00pm in Physics Lecture Theatre 2. So if you want to know how to win at roulette

Soc Soc First , thanks to everyone who came to hear the speaker from Exit . W e hope we'll see you again

If you 'd like to go on our mailing lists and get advance notice of our meetings, please send a note to the C h a i r m a n , M i k e Mal l i ck , via the Physics letter-racks.

••••December 3, 1982HMRIMI

*PG> Soc I m u s t m e n t i o n Wizards, w h i c h w i l l be

available for viewing this coming Tuesday, December 7, and is thoroughly recommended. I mean, after Wuthering Heights what more could you want (apart from a dictionary?).

Y u g the all Powerful

Amnesty Y o u mav well wonder what we do during

our meetings. A t a typical meeting we might discuss the following: the latest fund-raising e v e n t (we h a v e t o p a y a n a n n u a l £400 subscription fee to A l to help towards the costs of researching prisoner cases), a planned visit to the Benin Embassy in Paris (going ahead this December) and letter-writing. So far this term we have sent over 125 letters to g o v e r n m e n t o f f i c ia ls in B e n i n (where our prison. . : is being held) and over 30 letters as part of the Urgent Act ions scheme.

Tom Brake A l C h a i r m a n

Astro Soc Lots of exciting things happening including a trip to Jodrel l Bank on Wednesday December 8, places limited so get your name to C a r o l Burke , Physics 2 (via the letter-racks on Level 2 or at lectures) as soon as possible. Cost will be £7.80 with a railcard. Forthcoming lectures in­clude 'Alternative Energy Sources in Astro ­physics ' on the 7th and 'Studies of Distant Galax ies ' on the 14th. A l l lectures are held at 6:30pm in Physics Lecture Theatre 2 or 3 on Level O n e . F o r further details of all our events just keep an eye on the noticeboards.

IPagell

s PORT

Football Firsts

I C vs Q M C 1 6-3 I C Ists recent revival cont inued o n Saturday in this h igh-scor ing , low s k i l l , low temperature, low vis ib i l i ty 6-3 w in over Q M C . Despite the absence o f J o h n L a y (gro in strain) , A l a n H a r l o w and Steve D u n h i l l (both t ry ing to get g ro in strains!) I C q u i c k l y took contro l and were soon 2-0 up t h r o u g h w e l l - t a k e n g o a l s by N i c k G a s k i l l a n d G r a h a m R i c k a r d . H o w e v e r , Q M C r e c e i v e d an early C h r i s t m a s present when a series of passes to the o p p o s i ­t i o n by G r i f f i t h s a n d B e r n s ( 'Who ' s side was he o n , any­w a y ? ' ) c u l m i n a t e d i n M a r t i n C u r r a n ' s clearance rebound ing off a Q M C player into the net.

S o o n after the start o f the second h a l f D a v e Stephenson made it 3-1 but I C ' s defence, apparent ly t h i n k i n g the game wasn't close enough, gave Q M C a n o t h e r g o a l . T h e f o l l o w i n g p e r i o d o f I C p r e s s u r e w a s notable for that rare species, a R i c k a r d header. G r a h a m , a m a z e d to see the keeper save at fu l l stretch. S o o n after this D a v e G r i f f i t h s beat the off-side trap a n d headed home G r a h a m ' s free k i c k . Be ing two goals up I C again lost interest a n d keeper Steve Veats bought an expensive d u m m y as Q M C made it 4-3. In t h e g a t h e r i n g g l o o m D a v e Stephenson got his second goal o f the game, and then f ina l ly the ba l l l o omed out o f the fog to hit K e v ' a lmost -goa l -a -game ' Reeve on the knee a n d f inish up in Q M C ' s net.

I C vs Kings 3-1 The 3-1 v i c tory over K i n g s (4) w a s a g a m e d r a g g e d o u t o f mediocr i ty by the efforts o f one m a n .

A d e v a s t a t i n g d r i b b l e , i n w h i c h J o h n M c G u c k i n beat 11 K i n g s ' d e f e n d e r s (5 o f t h e m t w i c e ) , r e s u l t e d i n R i c k a r d h a v i n g t h e s i m p l e t a s k o f sending the ba l l fifty yards into a stiff w i n d for D a v e Stee to score. A n y K i n g s attacks were repelled by razor - sharp t a c k l i n g tireless r u n n i n g f rom M c G u c k i n . H T 1-0; in the line o f duty , Megastar M c G u c k i n offers his orange to captain Page, saying ' Y o u need

it more than I do!" K i n g s d r e w l e v e l a f t e r the

b r e a k , d e s p i t e a n i n c r e d i b l e effort f rom M c G u c k i n to keep the ba l l out. T h i s setback raised M c G u c k i n ' s anger, and his pace, v is ion and c u n n i n g were too m u c h f o r K i n g s . T h e i r g o a l ­keeper was so intent on a v o i d i n g k i c k i n g the bal l anywhere near M c G u c k i n , he k i c k e d it straight to R i c k a r d . w h o scored.

A f inal goa l , result ing f rom M c G u c k i n d r a w i n g no f e w e r than six K i n g s defenders out of the box , was a mere f o r m a l i t y , so demoral ised were K i n g s by this fine c i t izen.

Thirds I C vs Q E C 1 2-2

H a v i n g t rekked the w i l d outback on foot f r o m R i c h m o n d tube, I C I l l ' s m i r a c u l o u s l y a r r i v e d complete w i t h eleven men at the remote Petersham sports g round t o t a k e o n t h e m i g h t o f a Queen 's first eleven w h o had demol ished a depleted I C I V ' s 6-1 only ten days prev ious ly .

F o l l o w i n g a hesitant start on a ra in -soaked pitch w h i c h d idn ' t a l l o w either side to dominate , I C a l l owed Queens the luxury o f an u n m a r k e d header f r o m a f l i cked -o n corner a n d pa id the inevitable price .

A n e n t h u s i a s t i c f i g h t b a c k e n s u e d w i t h c e n t r e f o r w a r d A n t o n M i l n e r batt l ing gamely against a tight central defence. T h e breakthrough f inal ly came through a power fu l drive f r o m new s igning B i l l M c G i n n w h i c h left the keeper grasping for th in a i r . Happ iness was short - l ived however as a s imple defensive error was punished in c l in i ca l f a s h i o n , a n d Q E C w e n t i n t o the interval leading by the o d d goal in three.

A n exc i t ing i f s l ightly scrappy second h a l f saw several chances go begging at either end. M i d f i e l d a c e N e i l V a n d e n b e g i n w a s u n l u c k y to see h i s s p a r k l i n g cross- f ield r u n create no th ing b u t a f r u i t l e s s g o a l - m o u t h scramble , a n d stand in captain C h r i s G o r d o n missed a good o p p o r t u n i t y f r o m close range in classic defenders' style.

The c l imax o f the match came fifteen minutes f rom the end as B i l l set the seal o n his debut wi th another s tunning goal f r o m the edge of the box to gain I C a w e l l -earned draw. A good result f r o m a n u n d e r - s t r e n g t h t e a m t h a t def initely needs to improve its per formance at darts!

T e a m : P Simpson, P Smith, C Gordon, R Richards, S Kler, N

\andcitbc\iin, II Mctiinn. /' H'adsworih, 1 'Priding. I Mihwr, S Cos.

Ten Pin Bowling Six intrepid adventurers set o i l ' for the snowy wastes of S u i c h l c v last F r i d a y . lo bow 1 in lite twelve hour B i r m i n g h a m M a r a t h o n .

Af ter a r r i v i n g in B i r m i n g h a m at 9 : 3 0 p m . R a y ' s s i e v e -1 i k e memory managed l o somehow guide us to the required bus stop a n d we arr ived wi th plenty of time to spare so the local ch ippy was invaded and Jeff and M a r k proceeded to show these B r u m ­mies how to play video games, before returning to the b o w l to register.

A t m i d n i g h t p r e c i s e l y t h e b o w l i n g began.

F o r the first few hours the team bowled we l l , staying as high as fifth place for some time but at a r o u n d 7:00pm we started to tire. R a y , w h o had previous ly proved himsel f extremely adept at s k i m m i n g the b a l l under the gate wi th just a few inches to spare, actual ly started to wait unt i l the pins had put i n an appearance before start ing his r u n up , and as the teams scores f e l l a w a y t h e d r e a d e d s u b -h u n d r e d l o o k e d i n c r e a s i n g l y l ike ly . A f t e r a number o f close shaves it f inal ly happened at about 10:30, a n d the whole team was smothered i n sympathy for his embarrassment .

B y t h i s t i m e , A n d y w a s s t o r m i n g u p the i n d i v i d u a l posit ions and by the end of the compet i t i on at m i d - d a y he had reached t h i r d place overa l l , out of 120 entrants. P a u l excelled h i m s e l f b o w l i n g w e l l a b o v e average to f inish approx imate ly 25th, a n d K e v i n , Je f f (who also bowled above average), R a y a n d M a r k f i n i s h e d i n a c l u m p between 40th and 60th, the team overal l f in i sh ing 8th out o f 20th.

T e a m : Ray Cook, Jeff Quinn, Mark Stanley, Kevin Short, Andy McMullan, Paul Schofield.

Rifle & Pistol It's been a bad week for I C ' s top marksperson T Huggs w h o f lopped to a miserable 89 i n the L S B R A league, thus wreck ing tota l ly the chances o f I C A team, unless G a r y a n d G o r d o n , ( P r o ­fessor) Bowser can produce the sort o f f o r m that has pu l l ed us f r o m the jaws o f i g n o m i n y o n many occasions before.

T h e w e l l k n o w n m e d i c a l

v a g a r y ' B i s l e y T w i t c h ' h a s played havoc wi th the technique o l s e v e r a l m e m b e r s , n o t a b l y J u l i a A v e r y , w h o narrowly beat J o h n W a r t o n in reaching the week's lowest score o f 77(!).

T o n i g h t ( F r i d a y ) m e m b e r s have a golden oppor tun i ty to e x p e r i e n c e at f i r s t h a n d the a s t u t e w i t o f S t e v e H a r r i s o n ( C l u b C a p t a i n , contact v ia Elec L n g letter-racks) as he delivers the r i tua l devastat ing h o m i l y to the nat ion f r o m the top table at the c l u b d i n n e r . A l l meet i n Stans at 7:15pm. A w a r n i n g to any female markspersons pre ­sent, watch out for N o e l L i n d ­say, especially i f he is c a r r y i n g a sleeping bag.

Squash l s ts 3 Q M C lsts 2 2nds 2 V 2 L o n H 2 n d s 2 7 2

3rds 2 R F H 2nds 3 4ths 1 Q M C ' 2 n d s 4 5ths 1 Bar ts lsts 4 5ths 5 Q M C 4ths 0 5ths 5 B S O 2nds 0 L a d i e s 5 Bar ts 0 L a d i e s 5 Q E C 4

T h e F i r s t s , S e c o n d s a n d T h i r d s a n d Ladies cont inue to h o l d their o w n i n their respective d iv is ions . Espec ia l ly pleasing are the F i f ths team's per formance to date, bearing, in m i n d that we're the on ly c lub in the league to r u n this many mens sides. F o l l o w i n g yet another d i sappo int ing a n d inexpl icable F o u r t h team result there has been some reshuff l ing o f the s e l e c t i o n o r d e r i n a d e s p e r a t e a t t e m p t t o a v o i d r e l e g a t i o n to t h e d e p t h s o f D i v i s i o n 5. T h i s is one reason why a n u m b e r o f players have been receiving late night , last minute Sunday evening calls . O t h e r t e a m m e m b e r s I r i n g del iberately at unearthly hours as re t r ibut ion for not hav ing t i cked off.

A sample V - n e c k e d , acryl ic I C Squash C l u b jersey, price £8.00 has at last arr ived f r o m K i m -b e r l e y P r o m o t i o n s . T h e y are also avai lable in rag lan or w o o l , a n d the co l our scheme can be specified on an i n d i v i d u a l basis. A n y b o d y interested shou ld see me personal ly .

F i n a l l y , o n M o n d a y evening, December 6 (after this weekend) there's a min i - so c ia l go ing o n in H a r r y ' s f r o m say 9:10pm o n ­wards since the Seconds, T h i r d s and F i f ths a n d Ladies are a l l p lay ing at home. A n y o n e who 's a member o f the Squash C l u b is welcome to come a l ong for a bit o f bread a n d cheese.

Page121 I December 3,19821 I FELIX

ISPORTI shal l at the o l d m i l l for l u n c h . A N Y T H I N G to the credit o f

Rugby

Seconds Symes scores hattrick in IC

points landslide! J o h n Symes, ace fu l lback wi th the I C 2nd X V allstars shambled over the tryl ine three times as G o l d s m i t h s were crushed 34-0 by a strong I C team. R u m o u r s t h a t t h e p e r f o r m a n c e w a s inspired by the wear ing o f wet, smelly R C S shirts were v igorous ­ly denied , though m a n y players o n the G o l d s m i t h s side reckoned it was due to the mysterious 's ixteenth p layer ' wear ing a red s h i r t . T h i s a p p a r i t i o n , t h e y c l a i m , was seen to be t a c k l i n g players r o u n d the neck, j o i n i n g rucks on the w r o n g side, spo i l ing p o s s e s s i o n a n d , w o r s t o f a l l , b l o w i n g h i s w h i s t l e s t o p p i n g play at v i t a l moments . T o t a l l y demol ished by this , they concen­trated on verbal assaults on the a forement ioned player , whi le the I C team got o n w i t h and w i n n i n g the game. Tr ies f rom N o d d y , M i c k e y , H o w a r d and A N O t h e r (whose name I d idn ' t get because my penci l broke) left G o l d s m i t h s reel ing.

W i l l they use this p l oy again? M i c k W i n s o r was n o t s o b e r enough for c omment , but shouts o f ' N o t a f — i n g chance, J o h n ' f r o m t h e r e f e r e e ' s c h a n g i n g r o o m w o u l d seem to suggest (cont. p 94).

Cycling Seven cyclists set out f r o m Beit A r c h at 9 : 3 0 a m to C l a p h a m J u n c t i o n w h e r e we met I a n Lacey . W e caught a t r a i n to E p s o m to avo id the worst o f L o n d o n ' s t r a f f i c , p o t h o l e s , b r o k e n g l a s s a n d r e d t r a f f i c l ights. The guard to ld us to put our bikes in a carriage as there w a s n ' t e n o u g h r o o m i n t h e luggage compartment for h imsel f and the bikes .

W e rode to C o b h a m a n d then fo l l owed a w i n d y lane. A f t e r a while R o n a n wanted to l ook at the m a p whi le s t i l l r i d i n g his f ixed-wheel track b ike . L i t t l e d i d he k n o w t h a t we w e r e j u s t a p p r o a c h i n g a s h o r t , s t e e p , m u d d y , w i n d i n g descent. The m a p s t i l l s h o w s tee th m a r k s where he held the m a p .

F u r t h e r on we crossed a ford in Shere by the foo tbr idge— except R o n a n , w h o rode through the f o rd . W e stopped in G o m -

T w o m i l e s f u r t h e r o n we t u r n e d o f f the m a i n r o a d to c l imb W h i t e D o w n s . The gentle protests o f the slight gradient suddenly changed, after t a k i n g the h a i r p i n , to a series o f gasps a n d groans as they c o u l d see the second hal f of the h i l l . T h i s was the only h i l l o f the day. W e went o v e r R a n m o r e C o m m o n a n d f ound our way back to E p s o m through some very n a r r o w lanes.

O n o u r way back f r o m C l a p -ham R o n a n cont inued to enter­ta in us by ba lanc ing o n his b ike at red traffic l ights. A s a finale at the j u n c t i o n opposite the M a t h s D e p a r t m e n t , he fell off.

I C ' s p lay . The m a i n p r o b l e m was, as

u s u a l , a l a c k o f t e a m c o ­o r d i n a t i o n . But is this surpr i s ing w h e n n o - o n e l i s t e n s t o t h e coaching?

T e a m : Brian, Nick, George, Alan, Andy, Ian, Ken and Frank.

Cross Country

Football Fifths

I C vs Q M C 5-4 O w i n g to their i m m i n e n t late a r r i v a l I C changed o n the coach , leaving the shorts u n t i l a r r i v a l due to their unwi l l ingness to reveal their naughty bits to the v iewing publ i c . A r r i v i n g at the g r o u n d w i t h seconds to spare I C donned the shorts a n d set of f in search o f a p i t ch . T h e m a t c h , shortened to th i r ty minutes a half , f inal ly got underway . I C son fel l one beh ind , but N i c k L o w t o n e q u a l i s e d f r o m t h e penalty spot. A t ha l f - t ime I C were 2-1 up due to another goa l by N i c k , who had f ina l ly real ised that to score a goal he had to put the little white b a l l between the large white posts.

W i t h f i v e m i n u t e s o f t h e s e c o n d h a l f r e m a i n i n g Q M C were 4-2 up , there was never any p r o b l e m s as I C u t i l i s e d t h e seconds r e m a i n i n g to score three times through Des H u l l , M a r k L e n c z o e r a n d M a l c o l m D i c k , securing their t h i r d consecutive v ic tory .

T e a m : Tony, Paul, Phil, Tom, Mark, Adam, Malcolm, Rob, Mark L, Nick, Des.

Basketball I C vs Avery Hill 51-62

The season hasn't started we l l , but after a g o o d performance against St M a r y s last week we w e r e l o o k i n g f o r w a r d t o a v i c tory against a weak A v e r y H i l l squad .

O b s e r v i n g the t e a m s w h i l e w a r m i n g - u p , I C l ooked by far the better o f the two , but we st i l l lost! N O excuse can be made this t ime , it was a n absolute s h a m ­b l e s . It i s n ' t p o s s i b l e to say

FELIXI

N i n e members o f the c iub made the t r i p to R e a d i n g f o r the Whitenights ' s Relays wi th the f i r s t o b j e c t i v e o f f i n d i n g the course. We eventually arr ived after a scenic tour o f R e a d i n g and began the serious business o f p i c k i n g teams.

P i c k i n g the ladies team was easy, we d idn ' t have any ladies, but H u g h D i x o n managed to organise three spare ladies to run for I C . The c lub had entered t h r e e m e n s t e a m s so it w a s decided that three men w o u l d have to run twice to make up the f o u r m e n t e a m s , t h e l u c k y v o l u n t e e r s w e r e s u i t a b l y r e ­n a m e d for their second legs.

So to the race, Tasso A s t e r -iades ran a fast first leg for the A team, hand ing over to H u g h D i x o n i n a b o u t 1 3 t h . H u g h handed over to A n d r e w G r i f f i t h s w h o ran wel l with the team now a b o u t t e n t h . R o b M o r r i s o n , after several w r o n g turns due to the fog, brought the A team in .

The B team was led of f by G r a h a m H a r k e r who handed over to Steve T a y l o r w h o then p a s s e d o n to J o n L e a . J o n , r u n n i n g w e l l c o n s i d e r i n g h i s recent in jury , handed over to H u g h D i x o n r u n n i n g his second leg.

. The C team was led of f by . ' on Fros t (Capt ) who handed on to K e l v i n A c f o r d . Tasso Asteriades on his second leg took over and t h e t e a m w a s m a d e u o b y A n d r e w G r i f f i t h s w h - r a n another quick leg.

Wednesday the 24th we went to Thames P o l y for the t h i r d race to see i f we c o u l d keep it u p . M i s s i n g some key runners (they k n o w w h o they are) the less talented athletes had to excel themselves for us to s tand any c h a n c e o f m a i n t a i n i n g o u r p o s i t i o n i n t h e l e a g u e . T h e course at T h a m e s P o l y is classic cross country : h i l l y w i th lots o f s t i c k y , s m e l l y m u d , a n d the weather was superb: c o ld a n d w i n d y . O n l y the torrent ia l ra in was miss ing to make this the perfect day out.

H u g h D i x o n (aka H B o m m e ) on ly managed to come s ix th . H a r d l u c k H u g h . B u t N i g e l

I December 3, 1 9 8 2 H H H H H H H M I

F e n w i c k put o n the jet packs to [ f in ish 26th , a b ig i m p r o v e m e n t for h i m . There were r u m o u r s o f d r u g s b e i n g u s e d b u t N i g e l d ispe l led these w i t h a q u i c k slash f r o m his spikes . M a n d y T i n d a l l again f in ished t h i r d i n the ladies race but we c o u l d d o w i t h more

.ladies. P h i l P a r r - B u r m a n twisted his a n k l e whi le r u n n i n g so get wel l soon P h i l .

O t h e r s s t u p i d e n o u g h t o attend ( in descending I Q ) were: Robert Morrison, Steve Taylor, Jon Frost (loyal Capt), Tim Scott, Graham Harker, Martin Brown, John Griffin.

Ladies Rugby D o e s I C have any aggressive, f u n - l o v i n g , fit or unfit females who are prepared to have a go at rugby? N o previous experience is required , just enthusiasm a n d a death w i sh ! T h i s is your chance to beat the men at their o w n g a m e . I f i n t e r e s t e d c o n t a c t M a r a b e l l a , S e l k i r k or meet 12:30 Beit Q u a d , T h u r s d a y l u n c h t i m e . ( M e n need not apply . )

P S : If rugby is a game p layed by men w i t h o d d shaped b a l l s — what do w o m e n p lay with?

^ Hockey Ladies

IC vs Middlesex 5-0 D e a r M u m

T h a n k you for your last letter. G l a d to hear that things are fine at home. Y o u w i l l be pleased to hear that my ladies hockey team are do ing very wel l this season having w o n five out o f seven l eague g a m e s . D e s p i t e i n j u r y problems to some key players (too m u c h sport was it K a r e n ? ) we've been t u r n i n g out some good teams.

In o u r last game the f o rwards real ly 'got it together ' a n d scored a few goals (they missed a lot more) I t h i n k they must have been prac t i s ing so that I wou ldn ' t m o a n at them so m u c h .

L o v e Sara

Physics Wanderers

Football Competition Next term we hope to h o l d a

c u p c o m p e t i t i o n at R e g e n t ' s Park . E n t r y fee £11 per team.

If interested then get i n touch wi th N B u c k l e y or D W a r n e r bo th Physics 3.

• • I H H I B n P a g e 13

Today 1230h J C R

IC North America Club meeting

1230h J C R Angling Club meeting 1255h Union Concert Hall Islamic Society Friday Prayers

1745h Beit Arch

Friday Night Meal with a talk by Peter Grunberger on the Lebanon. Bring about £1 of kosher, vegetarian or dairy food.

1800h 301m/999kHz Gallery Levels

Network Show Pete Skelley celebrates his last six hours at IC on the radio.

-/ would have thought more people could have thought of better ways of celebrating their departure from IC.

1 Q n n U Music Room l O U U n 53 Princes Gate

Christian Union coffee meeting.

1900h Union Upper Lounge

Mexican Christmas Party with IC Latin American Society. 30p admission to members, 50p non-members.

1930h ULU Building

Wah! It's Immaterial and Black play a U L U gig. Admission £2.75 in advance or £3.25 on the door. -Following the success of Wah's recent single,History of the Blues, this is certain to be very popular,so check that all the tickets are not all sold before making the trip to ULU.

Great Hall

IC Symphony Orchestra play Mozart's The Overture to the Magic Flute, Weber's Clarinet Concerto No 1 and Hoist's

2000h

The Planets. Admission £1 (75p for students).

-Has conductor Richard Dickins' ambition overreached the abilities of the orchestra? Spies say no, so be there

2230h Falmouth Kitchens Soup Run

Satu rday j . n n - Portsmouth 1 4 0 0 l l Bowl

Ten Pin Bowling IC against Portsmouth Polytechnic.

1400h Mech Eng 313

HP Programmable Calculators A meeting of the HP calcula­tor users' club. Admission £1.

-Hardly an event of the week and certainly not designed to bring the crowds flocking in

1800h Harry's Bar

RCS Motor Club Dinner at the Knightsbridge Spaghetti House Restaurant.

2000h Union Building

Disco 82 an Afro-Caribbean Society party. Admission £1 for non-members or 50p for members.

Sunday 0915h Consort Gallery Prayer Meeting

1000h Consort Gallery Communion Service

1100h More House Catholic Mass

1200h Union Bar

RCSU Soccer 6-a-side compe­tition. Coaches will take teams to Harlington.

1300h Union SCR Wargames Club meeting.

1300h Queen's Arms

IC Ents v FELIX football match of the season.

-A strong FELIX side will demolish IC Ents.

D M 2 0 0 0

r n t Feet above Hampshire Martin S Taylor jumps from an aeroplane.

-What some people will do to avoid playing football.

1800h More House

Liberation Theology a film on this subject will be shown after Catholic mass and a bar supper

Monday 1230h Rag Office Community Action Group meeting.

1230h CND Bookstall.

1745h Great Hall Wind Band rehearsal.

J C R

1815h Union SCR

RCSU General Committee meeting.

1830h Physics LT2

History of Photographic Lenses A lecture by Dr Speer.

1930h J C R Advanced Dancing Class

1930h Lower Refectory PDT Medal Class

1300h

1930h Elec Eng 408

Robotics A talk to Wellsoc by Mike Sharp, a leading authority on the subject.

A „ N N . 301m/999kHz Z Z U U r l Gallery Levels

The Pressed Rat and Warthog Show presented by Ady Pace.

Tuesday 1230h Southside Upper Lounge Board Sailing Club meeting

1245h Chemistry 231 Catholic Mass

1245h Chem Eng LT2

This House believes that UN Peacekeeping Forces play a Constructive Role: A United Nations Society debate.

Great Hall

UGM Is Steve Goulder a Dhimmi? What is Dhimmi? Who cares? All these questions and more will be explained.

1300h Civ Eng 201

The Cyprus Problem a talk to the Cypriot Society by the cultural counsellor of the Cypriot Embassy.

1300h STOIC programme

TV Lounges

1300h

'Wizards', the Sci Fi film on Tuesday

Elec Eng 408

Success Runs, Markov Chains and Strengths of Fibrous Materials (Statistical Theories of Strength) A talk to M O P S O C by Dr Richard Smith.

J A J C | _ Mech Eng l o i o n 220

The Lebanon: A talk by Oxfam workers Pam and Derek Cooper.

1330h Physics LT1

Pagel4l I December 3, 19821

Lines to Freedom An Amnesty International film.

-Amnesty have hit the head­lines recently because of leadership squabbles, but the work they do is still an invalu­able part of the fight for justice. Don't miss this film which will show just how important this work is.

j / j n n L Pippard Theatre l O O U n Sherfield Building

The Rise of Thermodynamics, 1800-1860 A talk by Dr Robert Fox, as part of 'Three Revolu­tions in Science'.

•4Af\f\i~. Alexander Gate l4UUn Hyde Park

A n t i - D h i m m i Rally

-Will the meaning behind this continuing campaign be at last revealed? 1730h Brown Committee Room Amnesty International meeting.

• M FELIX

1730h V o l l e y b a l l C o u r t Women's Volleyball t r a i n i n g s e s s i o n .

1800h U n i o n S C R Italian Wine Tasting A d m i s s i o n £1 to m e m b e r s .

1800h M e c h E n g 342

Revolution and Counter-Revolution in Iran A talk to the Iranian S o c i e t y by F r e d H a l l i d a y .

1800h STOIC p r o g r a m m e

1830h

T V L o u n g e s

M e c h E n g 220

The Wizards A S c i e n c e F i c t i o n S o c i e t y f i lm s h o w .

-This fantasy depicts the world after the nuclear holocaust.

1830h U n i o n G y m Judo Club p rac t i ce . B r i n g 25p fees.

1830h J C R Silver Medal Dancing Class

2230h F a l m o u t h K i t c h e n s Soup Run

Ents film on Thursday is''Alter­ed States'

Wednesday

0800h Beit A r c h

Visit to IMI o r g a n i s e d by the Industr ia l S o c i e t y . Deta i l s f rom C Day , M e c h E n g 2.

AM M e c h E n g F o y e r

Trip to Allied Steel and Wire o r g a n i s e d by M e c h E n g S o c .

1230h C h e m E n g E400

Is Britain a Christian Society? A talk to the M e t h o d i s t S o c i e t y .

1300h H u x l e y 340

Faith and Reason: Competitors or Partners? a talk by Dr O R B a r c l a y to the S C F .

FELIX • H H H N H H H

1315h 9 P r i n c e ' s G a r d e n s Quran Circle

1430h U n i o n U p p e r L o u n g e Drama Workshop

1830h J C R Bronze Medal Dancing Class

1930h U n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by T o m S t o p p a r d . • A d m i s s i o n £1.

-One of Tom Stoppard's finest plays, every entrance in the play is an exit from 'Hamlet'. Bizarre wordplay abounds.

1930h J C R Beginner's Dancing Class

Thursday

1230h J C R

Dhimmi Revelation T h u r s d a y 1230h

1230h M 3 n o e 3

Ruritania meet ing to d i s c u s s the poss ib i l i ty for S c o u t a n d G u i d e s C l u b next s u m m e r meet ing .

1230h S o u t h s i d e U p p e r L o u n g e ICYHA Butt ies m e e t i n g

1300h P h y s i c s LT1

Talk and Film about P a l e s t i n ­ian Re fugee c a m p s . O r g a n i s e d by ' F r i e n d s of Palest ine ' .

1300h G r e e n C o m m SF Soc meet ing

R m

1300h U n i o n L o w e r Re fec to ry

El Salvador—Another Vietnam A f i lm for H u m a n R i g h t s Week .

1300K Newsbreak: A g r a m m e .

1315h

T V L o u n g e s

S T O I C p r o -

H u x l e y 340

Lebanon/Palestine—What Now? A talk by K h a l e d J i m a .

J A A A U R e a d T h e a t r e l O o U n S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g

In or Out? Britain and the ECC T h e C a s e aga inst B r i t i s h P a r t i ­c i p a t i o n ' a talk by E m e r i t u s P r o f e s s o r L o r d K a l d o r .

-Can the Humanities Dept not improve on this series where unimportant speakers talk on a boring, much repeated subject. Could we not at least have an MP as part of the series? The political societies have shown how easy it is to get hold of MPs.

JON I, The Christian Union film next Friday, deals with the problems of handicapped people.

1700h B i o c h e m i s t r y 702

Neurotransmitters and Gluco-corticords in the Control of ACTH Secretion A talk to the B i o c h e m i c a l S o c i e t y by Dr B r i a n G i l l h a m .

-Could Biochemical Society at least try and arrange lectures that are interesting to under­graduates as well as postgrads?

1800h STOIC

1830h

T V L o u n g e s

p r o g r a m m e . T h u r s d a y 1830h

M e c h E n g 220

Ents film Altered States s t a r r i n g W i l l i a m Hurt a n d B l a i r B r o w n a n d d i rec ted by K e n R u s s e l l . -In recent years, Altered States of consciousness have been recognised and their reality probed. Among the most provocative experiments is immersion in a tank of warm salt water, and floating in total isolation. With each new experiment and discovery comes a mounting awareness of the wonder yet to be found

within ourselves.

1930h Rosencrantz are Dead. A t i o n .

U n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l

and Guldenstern D r a m s o c p r o d u c -

2030h Gig: Chris Pearson Band

S o u t h s i d e Bar

1930h J C R

RCSU Christmas Party £1.50 a d m i s s i o n or £1 if w e a r i n g fancy dress .

N e x t W e e k

i

Fri 53

1800h M u s i c R o o m

P r i n c e s G a t e

JONI A C h r i s t i a n U n i o n f i lm -A tragic diving accident leaves Joni, an extrovert seven­teen year old, paralysed. This film captures the real story of how Joni comes to terms with her new life. It is a moving story and a very good film. Come alng and see it for yourself.

1930h

Fri/Sat Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead A D r a m s o c p r o d u c ­t i o n .

2000h G r e a t

H a l l Fri The Canterbury Pilgrims. A n IC C h o i r P r o d u c t i o n .

I December 3 , 19821 IPagel5

I thought that salads were for dieters and rabbits until I discovered the chefs salad at £3.25. C o n t a i n i n g every sa lad ingred ient imaginable it probably gives more calories than some of the puddings. A n d speaking of which, prices for puddings range from 75p to £1.55. P r o ' i ; 'oles smothered with fresh cream for £1 and i M , na split for £1.55 are well worth

sampling. C a f e Incogn i to is rare ly c r o w d e d a n d

provides a venue as conclusive to an intimate evening out for two as it is suitable for a pre pub-crawl nosh up.

For a three course meal, you can expect to pay about £5 a head, excluding wine.

Cafe Incognito, 38 Thurloe Place, SW7, 589-3663.

D o w n Exhibition Road , first turning on the right after Cromwel l Road brings you to one of the b e s t , r e a s o n a b l y p r i c e d r e s t a u r a n t s around. A s the name suggests there is a French flavour about the place, but beyond the green l o u v r e s , the f lavour is d i l u t e d , emphatically not something that can be said about the food.

F a n c y s t a r t e r s l ike stuf fed m u s h r o o m s abound; a cheaper but wholly satisfactory alternative is the slightly herby garlic bread at 45p a go.

If you like burgers, their burgers range from £2.10 to £3.00 with chips or salad, but since e v e r y o n e d o e s b u r g e r s , w h y not t ry a gargantuan plate of barbecue spare ribs for £2.95 or honey fried chicken at the same price? A very reasonable chilli con came is also on the menu.

PINCCCHI Superkings - 1

I came across T i m and Mary in the maths common room the other day, playing chess. Knowing each others moves backwards, they were becoming a little bored with the standard game, and so decided to change it, by giving the king new powers; it could now move like both a queen and a knight (for those of you not knowing the game, these moves are shown in the diagram). Soon an argument developed as to how many of these superkings one could place on a chess board, without any being able to take another. Having solved this problem, they then attempted to place these superkings so that no three are collinear (this includes lines other than rows, columns or diagonals). A s an example, the third diagram shows the only way to put 4 superkings on a 5x5 board.

C a n you help them answer this question; how many non-collinear superkings can you put o n a c h e s s b o a r d ( p l e a s e g ive an example)?

Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the FELIX Office by Wednesday, 1:00pm. £5 from MendaBike for a randomly selected entry.

This week's puzzle is a little easy, but is merely a 'taster' for one of the Christmas puzzles, which will be much more difficult. Also could the person who sent me the 'Rope from

. the Belfry' puzzle please send me his name and/or pseudonym. H a s anyone else ideas for puzzles for Christmas?

Last Weeks Solution L a s t w e e k ' s p u z z l e cut the entr i es d o w n considerably; only thirteen correct entries, and Graeme R Cant of M E 1 was chosen as the winner.

The solution was: Andy — Woodwind Brian — Brass Chr is — Percussion Dominic — String and the order of pieces was 1, 4, 6, 5, 3, 2, 7 in descending order.

X X X X

X X X

A Knight's moves; all pieces on the crosses can be taken.

A Queen's moves; all pieces on any of the (infinite) lines shown can be taken.

HP Blip

v 11 Four Superkings on a 5x5 board.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board; and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel. (11-589 5111 Ext 1048 or Internal 2881. Editor: Martin S Taylor; Business Manager: Peter A Rodgers; Advertising Manage:: Nick Thexton. Copyright FELIX 1982.

EXE C NE WS A G E N D A

1. M i n u t e s o f the last mee t ing . 2. M a t t e r s a r i s i n g . 3. P r e s i d e n t s repor t . 4. D e p u t y Pres idents repor t . 5. H o n o r a r y Secre tary ' s report . 6. R e t u r n i n g off icers repor t . 7. C o n s t i t u e n t C o l l e g e U n i o n repor ts . 8. O t h e r off icers report . 9. B y e L a w C h a n g e s . 10. M o t i o n s

a) o n to i let paper b) o n N U S c) o n Stephen G o u l d e r d) o n S o u t h A f r i c a .

11. A n y o t h e r business .

Presidents Report T o I C U G r a v e l at H a r l i n g t o n C o l l e g e has been aware for several years that there have been s igni f i cant depos i ts o f grave l at H a r l i n g t o n . In fact gravel is be ing extracted f r o m a site adjacent to the C o l l e g e sports f ie ld by Streeters. T h e es t imated r o y a l t y that I C c o u l d expect to earn is es t imated at £1.1 m. H o w e v e r , we have been unab le to c o n f i r m this f igure because we c o u l d not place the m o r e de ta i l ed facts before o u r pro fess iona l adviser . W e have a t tempted to establ ish ce r ta in precedents c o n c e r n i n g the purchase o f H a r l i n g t o n that mean that any monies raised s h o u l d be put t owards student athlet i c fac i l i t ies .

It is i m p o r t a n t that the U n i o n m o n i t o r s this because e x t r a c t i o n w o u l d • ser iously affect the space ava i lab le for sports at H a r l i n g t o n .

I therefore ask this meet ing to a p p r o v e m y p r o p o s a l that o u r s u p p o r t for this scheme w i l l be c o n d i t i o n e d o n the p r o v i s i o n o f at least t h i r t y acres o f H a r l i n g t o n be ing p layab le at any one t ime . In a d d i t i o n we s h o u l d be fu l ly i n v o l v e d in the dec i s i on m a k i n g process a n d s u p p l i e d w i t h a l l the necessary i n f o r m a t i o n .

B a r s F o l l o w i n g the m o t i o n w h i c h was passed at the last U G M I i n f o r m e d B o b S c h r o t e r o f my m a n d a t e a n d m y i n t e n t i o n to jo l ly it up . H e then spoke to J o h n S m i t h a n d B r i a n L l o y d D a v i e s , a n d wrote back w i t h a set o f proposa l s that C o u n c i l o v e r w h e l m i n g l y accepted a n d that C o u n c i l r e c o m m e n d s to the U G M .

T h e proposa l s are as f o l l o w s : 1. T h a t Bars S u b c o m m i t t e e has access to the i n d i v i d u a l t r a d i n g accounts

g iven that these are treated in con f idence a n d are not p u b l i c i s e d outs ide the c o m m i t t e e . A n y breach i n conf idence w i l l result i n these f igures be ing w i t h d r a w n .

2. B o b Schro ter c o n f i r m e d that the B a r S u b c o m m i t t e e C h a i r m a n w i l l c o n t i n u e to n o r m a l l y be an I C U n o m i n a t i o n a p p o i n t e d by the Refectory C o m m i t t e e C h a i r m a n .

3. W i t h reference t o the T e r m s o f Re ference , B o b S c h r o t e r stands by the Re fe c to ry C o m m i t t e e terms o f reference a n d states that they have been k n o w n to a l l p r e c e d i n g B a r S u b c o m i t t e e c h a i r m e n .

O n b e h a l f o f C o u n c i l I r e c o m m e n d acceptance . Residence S tudent Services have p r o p o s e d a scheme that w i l l assure a l l f irst years o f a place i n H a l l a n d w i l l p r i o r a t i z e postgraduates in the f o l l o w i n g w a y :

1. h i g h fee p a y i n g overseas students 2. o ther overseas s tudents 3. d e p a r t m e n t a l r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s 4. w o m e n o n M S c courses 5. men o n M S c courses 6. w o m e n in research courses 7. men in research courses

this depends on the f u l l usage o f Interco l leg iate H a l l s a n d the ma intenance o f o u r H e a d T e n a n c y agreements.

I a m in the process o f select ing a p p l i c a n t s f o r in terv iew c o n c e r n i n g the post o f W e l f a r e Ass i s tant at Student Services .

Southside T h e Souths ide W o r k i n g P a r t y met M r D W C l a r k , the Estates Secre tary , o n N o v e m b e r 25 a n d d iscussed the revised p l a n for extensive use o f Souths ide as a U n i o n f a c i l i t y . T h i s matter is to be discussed w i t h J H S m i t h , the Co l l ege Secretary ( H e a d o f C o l l e g e A d m i n ) a n d then S W P w i l l f o r m u l a t e a set o f r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s to be t a k e n to a U G M

UGM TUE 7th GREAT HALL

1 :00pm D P

1. F o l l o w i n g a spate o f thefts f r o m the U n i o n G y m a n d c h a n g i n g r o o m s the d o o r at the b a c k o f the m e n s c h a n g i n g r o o m s has been l o c k e d ; u n f o r t u n a t e l y it has not been poss ib le to d o this i n the ladies as it is a fire exit. S ince the s m a l l l o ckers for va luab les have not been suff icient the large c o i n -r e t u r n l o ckers are n o w be ing r e s t o r e d — 2 0 are n o w o p e r a t i o n a l a n d the other 28 w i l l be c o m p l e t e d before the end o f t e r m . I a m l o o k i n g i n t o i n s t a l l i n g l o ckers i n the ladies c h a n g i n g r o o m s as w e l l .

2. T h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g is to be extensively redecorated this year w i t h the cent ra l staircase be ing to ta l ly r epa in ted a n d the S e n i o r C o m m o n R o o m being redecorated a n d to ta l l y r e furn i shed . T h e U p p e r L o u n g e s h o u l d also be i n c o r p o r a t e d i n this scheme.

T h i s is p a r t o f a new p o l i c y to redecorate the who le U n i o n B u i l d i n g over this a n d next year w h i c h I hope to see c a r r i e d o n , w o r k i n g u p f r o m the g r o u n d f l oo r .

E s t i m a t e s have been o b t a i n e d a n d I envisage w o r k to start i m m e d i a t e l y after C h r i s t m a s a n d the who le o f this years part o f the project t o be f in i shed by the second week in F e b r u a r y .

3. I have t i d i e d u p the West Sta ircase as m u c h as is poss ib le a n d w o u l d apprec ia te it i f a l l those c lubs w h o sweep a l l the ir r u b b i s h out o f the G y m o n t o the West Sta ircase s t o p p e d . In future I w i l l have r u b b i s h bags there, so please use t h e m .

4. T h e results o f the H o u s e C o m m i t t e e ques t i onna i res w h i c h requested i n f o r m a t i o n f r o m a l l c lubs a n d societies as to w h a t fac i l i t ies they needed in a d d i t i o n to t h o s e a l r e a d y p r o v i d e d have been c o l l a t e d a n d f o u r new c u p b o a r d s have been o rdered to help cope w i t h the large d e m a n d for c u p b o a r d storage space. I have also asked about the p o s s i b i l i t y o f p u t t i n g three a d d i t i o n a l no t i c eboards i n the J C R a n d hope for a pos i t ive response f r o m C o l l e g e i n the near future , as d e m a n d for no t i c eboards i n this area is heavy .

5. F o r those w h o are not aware , the k i t c h e n area b e h i n d the o l d refectory is b e i n g c o n v e r t e d i n t o storage fac i l i t ies f o r E n t s w h o w i l l be based there. T h e refectory w i l l then be used for var i ous d iscos , etc. T h i s w o r k is a lmost comple te a n d this area s h o u l d be f u l l y o p e r a t i o n a l b y the b e g i n n i n g o f next t e r m .

6. T h e lock o n the c l e a n i n g c u p b o a r d has been changed a n d a new stock of m o p s , bucke t s a n d b r o o m s o b t a i n e d t o enable us t o p r o v i d e adequate fac i l i t ies to c lean u p after large func t i ons w i t h o u t a s h o r t f a l l in equ ipment . In future it w i l l be necessary to o b t a i n a key i n advance f r o m me for a deposit i f c l e a n i n g mater ia ls are r e q u i r e d after any event.

Hon See 's Report Y o u w i l l p r o b a b l y have n o t i c e d that Exec News is n o w i n the same typeface as the rest o f F E L I X . T h i s s h o u l d m a k e r e a d i n g it m u c h easier in future . M y t h a n k s go to M a r t i n S T a y l o r a n d M a z , o n l y the ir c o o p e r a t i o n has made this change poss ib le . H o w e v e r as a result o f this new system i f y o u want to submit a m o t i o n , as a n y o n e c a n , to be p r i n t e d in Exec News, then I must receive it at least t w o F r i d a y s before the next U G M . M o t i o n s w i l l s t i l l be accepted u p to a week before the U G M a n d w i l l be p r i n t e d separately .

T h e next U G M is o n T u e s d a y D e c e m b e r 7 w i t h what l o o k s l ike a very interest ing m o t i o n o n toi let paper a n d the latest i n the N U S debate. I hope y o u ' l l be able to a t tend .

I f a P u b l i c i t y O f f i c e r has not c o m e f o r w a r d b y this U G M a n d a n y b o d y is at a l l interested in the j o b please c o m e a n d ask me a b o u t i t , I ' l l be very h a p p y to see y o u .

W i l l a n y o n e w h o is a c l u b c a p t a i n or a c h a i r m a n please m a k e sure that , i f y o u r c l u b has any e q u i p m e n t , a n i n v e n t o r y is done as soon as poss ib le . These were needed o n N o v e m b e r 1 a n d it m a y be that s ome o f y o u r e q u i p m e n t is not i n s u r e d .

F i n a l l y , a l i m i t e d offer: we have large A 4 p las t i c covered files in red , blue a n d b l a c k at o n l y 80p each w h i c h I w o u l d l ike to sell as s o o n as poss ib le .

B y e L a w Changes De le t i on of U L U Representative : Second Reading

P r o p o s e d by E x t e r n a l A f f a i r s C o m m i t t e e Delete f r o m the I C U Bye L a w s (w i th effect f r o m 1 J u l y 1983) i n 4 (a) (Observers on C o u n c i l ) ,

" U L U R e p r e s e n t a t i v e " i n 5 (b) ( E l e c t i o n s )

" t h e U L U R e p r e s e n t a t i v e "

Permanent W o r k i n g P a r t y P r o p o s e d by C o u n c i l

4(a) Delete " s i x representatives P e r m a n e n t W o r k i n g P a r t y " 3 Insert " C h a i r m a n o f the In terna l Services C o m m i t t e e "

Dep Reps P r o p o s e d b y C o u n c i l

4(a) De le te f r o m : " O n e representat ive each f r o m : the D e p a r t m e n t of . . . " to " . . . M a n a g e m e n t S c i . "

M o t i o n for U G M 7 / 1 2 / 8 2 P r o p o s e r : P h i l i p N a t h a n ( I C L i b e r a l C l u b )

Seconder : J o n a t h a n M M i l l e r I C U N o t e s :

1. T h e r e are more t h a n 800 student u n i o n s a f f i l ia ted to the N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f S t u d e n t s , a n d more t h a n l m student members o f N U S .

2. T h e N U S c a m p a i g n s o n g r a n t s , s t u d e n t l o a n s , h o u s i n g , p a r e n t a l c o n t r i b u t i o n s a n d m a n y other matters w h i c h a l l p r o f o u n d l y affect I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e S tudents .

3. I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n is not a f f i l i a ted to N U S , has n o say i n N U S pol i c ies a n d receives benefits f r o m N U S w i t h o u t c o n t r i b u t i o n s .

I C U Bel ieves : 1. In the face o f the present c u t b a c k s in h igher e d u c a t i o n there has never

been a greater need for student u n i t y . 2. T h e o n l y p r a c t i c a l way to change N U S is by b e c o m i n g part o f it a n d

m a k i n g o u r voices heard . 3. T h a t five years after its d i s s a f f i l i a t i o n f r o m N U S , it is t ime for I m p e r i a l

C o l l e g e U n i o n to t h i n k a g a i n . It is t ime for a f u l l a n d d e m o c r a t i c debate o n a r g u m e n t s for a n d against N U S m e m b e r s h i p i n v o l v i n g a l l m e m b e r s o f I C U .

I C U Instructs : 1. T h e U n i o n E x e c u t i v e to m a k e p r e p a r a t i o n s for the r e q u i r e d r e f e r e n d u m

o n N U S m e m b e r s h i p w h i c h s h o u l d be h e l d next C o l l e g e t e rm.

M o t i o n for U G M 7 / 1 2 / 8 2 P r o p o s e d J G e r s o n S e c o n d e d L G e r g e l

I C U Notes : 1. A n g i e is d r e a m i n g o f a wh i te d h i m m i . 2. J o h n B a r n e t , J o h n B a r n e t t , J o n Barne t a n d J o n B a r n e t t are a l l d h i m m i s . 3. V e r y few people k n o w what a d h i m m i is.

I C U Bel ieves : 1. Stephen G o u l d e r m a y also be a d h i m m i .

I C U Instructs T h a t : 1. A t h o r o u g h i n v e s t i g a t i o n be m a d e .

M o t i o n on Toi let P a p e r P r o p o s e d : G e d O ' S h e a S e c o n d e d : C h r i s Stone

I C U N o t e s : 1. T n e q u a l i t y o f the paper i n mens to i lets a r o u n d C o l l e g e is p o o r , be ing o f

the ' h a r d ' var ie ty . 2. T h e q u a l i t y in the w o m e n s toi lets is c o n s i d e r a b l y better , be ing ot the

' so f t ' v a r i e t y . I C U Bel ieves :

1. T h a t paper o f the ' h a r d ' var ie ty is ^ c o n s i s t e n t w i t h s tudent l i fe .

I C U Instructs : 1. T h e E x e c to c a m p a i g n act ive ly for the w i d e s p r e a d i n t r o d u c t i o n o f ' s o f t '

var iety paper (as f o u n d in w o m e n s toi lets) i n t o mens toi lets a r o u n d C o l l e g e . 2. If this c a m p a i g n fa i l s , that Stephen G o u l d e r s h o u l d ar range f o r a

boycot t o f C o l l e g e paper a n d p r o v i d e an a l t e rnat ive paper ( p r o v i d e d that the purchase o f such paper is not ' u l t r a v i res ' the c o n s t i t u t i o n ) .

Another M o t i o n P r o p o s e r : M M a l l i c k

Seconder : P R i l e y I C U N o t e s :

1. T h a t this week, D e c e m b e r 6-10, is H u m a n R i g h t s W e e k . 2. T h e S o u t h A f r i c a n g o v e r n m e n t operates i n d i r e c t v i o l a t i o n o f the U n i t e d

N a t i o n s D e c l a r a t i o n o n H u m a n R i g h t s .

I C U Instructs : 1. I C U c o n d e m n s the a p a r t h e i d sys tem i n S o u t h A f r i c a w h i c h does not

recognise the need for equal r ights f o r every i n d i v i d u a l l i v i n g there.

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MERRY DOWN CIDER B O T T L E D & B O X E D

T H U R S D A Y

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