Feedback on Paper Two

CRTW 201

Dr. Fike

Grading

• I was looking for 4 things:– Did you have 4 pages minimum?– Did you have all parts of the classical argument plus a

“bridge” paragraph?– Did you do your Works Cited list correctly?– Did you have fewer than 12 categories of errors on

the grid?

• For each “no” answer, I deducted .5 point.• With the exception of MLA format, these

components did not have to be perfect; they just had to be present.

This Slide Show

• I will walk you through the paper and emphasize the most important things that a lot of you need to work on.

Introduction

• Mention the passage in the introduction and say something about it in the thesis.

• Do not quote it here, however. Just establish the expectation that you will quote it in the body.

A Really Good Thesis

• “Although nature plays a role, I will argue that my ability to think as an Early Childhood Education major (as illustrated by the passage in Exploring Education) is due mainly to nurture because of the influence of my mother who is a teacher in the Early Childhood field.”

• Key components:– An “although” clause that anticipates objections,– A main clause that mentions the passage and gives a

controversial idea for which the paper will argue,– And a “because” clause that gives a reason why and

anticipates arguments

Length of Introduction

• It should be at least 5 sentences / half a page.

• I want to see your thesis on page 1.

Background Paragraph

• You need a good topic sentence, but it must be a sentence that the paragraph actually supports.

• Quote the passage: double space, double indent.

• Add 2-3 sentences after the quotation. Digest the quotation a bit before starting a new paragraph.

• Do not just start a new paragraph or go on to the elements in the same paragraph.

Your Passage

• It has to be a paragraph: not one or two sentences.

• Pick something interesting and controversial, something that you will have to THINK about.

• If you cannot apply the elements to it, pick another passage.

• The passage has to be about something in your field, not about critical thinking in general.

The Elements

• Apply the elements of critical thinking in a separate paragraph. It is okay to have more than one paragraph on the elements.

• Talk about what is IN the passage, not about your discipline in general.

• Underline the name of each element: “The purpose of music therapy is to recognize….”

Problem: Confusion about Q@I

• There is only one Question at Issue in the passage.

• Do not be confused by the presence of multiple questions in the passage.

• What OVERALL question is the author trying to answer? That is the Q@I.

Problem: Order of Elements

• You followed Nosich’s order on page 68, and it is true that you can start with any element.

• But for Paper Two you need a different order. I suggest:– Context—the source from which you took the

quotation– Point of view– Q@I– Purpose– Other elements in whatever order seems logical.

• If your order is arbitrary because you followed Nosich’s list, your organization will be jumbled.

Bridge Paragraph

• Between the elements paragraph and the arguments paragraph, give me a bridge paragraph.

• A bridge between what two things?– Between what you just did with your passage and the elements– And what you did in the exercise on pages 63-64

• There is OVERLAP between thinking about your passage in particular and thinking in your discipline in general.

• This intersection is what belongs in the bridge paragraph. Think partially overlapping circles.

• The overlapping part should contain the type or types of thinking that you should EXTRACT (not exact—typo) from the elements section to argue about in the next section of the paper.

Argument Section

• Here is the problem with micro-managing your papers: If I do not mention something, you assume that you do not need to include it.

• I did not specifically tell you to mention your passage in the argument section of the paper; therefore, you did not bother to do so.

But Remember

• Your passage is your focus.

• You must talk about the focused topic in every paragraph.

• Therefore, you should mention your passage in your argument/objection/reply paragraphs.

• Otherwise, you have a paper that reads like a chopped up snake—no unity.

How To Increase Unity

• Often a key concept will arise from your passage like these examples from your papers:– Concentration– Great teacher– Imitation

• Building such a concept into the thesis and topic sentences would greatly increase the paper’s unity.

Another Way To Increase Unity

• There is another reason for lack of unity in your papers: namely, a disconnection between two things:– Where does your ability to think in your discipline

come from—nature or nurture? This is what you’re supposed to argue about.

– And one of the following things that you actually discussed:

• What makes you, for example, a suitable teacher?• How did you come to the decision that you should be a

teacher?

• Stay with thinking in your discipline; do not meander off on a tangent.

Objections

• They have to be more than one sentence.

• Do two things in your objection paragraph:– Poke holes in your arguments.– Offer the alternative (nature vs. nurture)

• In other words, you should first object directly to the arguments—state that they are weak in particular ways. THEN give your alternative view.

Reply

• Concession has to be more than a sentence or less:– “These objections are pretty realistic.” Then the

paper arbitrarily claims that they are less weighty than the arguments.

– Well, why are they “pretty realistic”?

• Make the concession a substantive part of your paper, not just a structural element.

• You will probably need a topic sentence that anticipates both concession and reply.

Conclusion

• Are you in the right major?

• Which one of Ridley’s statements about nature and nurture seems most relevant to your situation?

• Answer these questions at a minimum.

Works Cited List

• Double space not only within but also between entries.

Correct This W.C. Entry

Ridley, Matt. Genome: The Autobiography

of a Species in 23 Chapters. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 1999.

Corrected Version

Ridley, Matt. Genome: The Autobiography

of a Species in 23 Chapters. New York:

HarperCollins, 1999.

Conferences

• Bring 2 copies of your graded draft and comment sheet.

• Be prepared to ask questions, make comments, propose solutions to problems.

• If you do all of that, you will receive 5/5.

• If you leave something out, you will receive 4/5.