Feedback on Paper One

HMXP 102

Dr. Fike

The Nature of this Slide Show

• I prepared this presentation in response to students’ first paper a few years ago. If anything in it contradicts the calendar, follow the calendar.

Focus

• A narrow illustration from your personal experience.

• For example, your encounter with ONE dogma from your church.

• NOT your whole autobiography.

• NOT the existence of God plus evolution vs. creationism.

For Those Who Wrote about Religion/God/Creation

• Example of circular reasoning: “God must have created the earth because the Bible says so, and we know that the Bible is true because God wrote it!”

• http://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/fallacies_list.html

Example of a Good Focus

• “Well, when I got home my dad spanked me so hard that I could not sit down for a couple of days. I like to refer to this time period as my awakening period.”

• This is a beautifully focused topic: corporal punishment as a catalyst for personal revelation.

• Unfortunately, the illustration comes in the middle of the author’s autobiography and does not get developed.

The Moral Re. Focus

• Do this: Say more about less.

• Do NOT do this: Say less about more.

Thesis

• Common problem: You wrote a sentence that included “Although,” “I will argue that,” and “because”; but your sentence had merely the structure, not the substance, of a proper thesis.

• Despite having those key words, your thesis set you up to summarize events in your life: it set you up to tell your story, not to argue for a position.

Example of a Good Thesis (Based on One of Yours)

• Although I may have inherited a masculine predisposition to appreciate athletics, I will argue that my love of sports—contrary to Plato’s doctrine of anamnesis—illustrates the idea that knowledge is obtained rather than residing in the soul from birth: I learned to love sports because of the influence of my dad and my brother.

• It contains:– A controversial idea in the main clause: “I will argue that…”– Family influence vs. inherited predisposition: argument vs.

objection.

• The author must then use these elements to structure the paper.

Example of a Bad Thesis (Based on One of Yours)

• Although my decision to major in business was very hard for me, I will argue that coming to Winthrop University enabled me to become a better student because of the multitude of experiences I have had.

• Problems:– It is not sufficiently narrowly focused.– It is a 5-paragraph essay in disguise because it sets up a

narrative loosely centered on three things: • choosing a major• becoming a better student• having various experiences.

– Having various experiences and majoring in business do not properly correspond to argument and objection.

Thesis for Cave Dweller Papers

• You needed to take a stand either for or against the view that something made you a cave dweller.

• Made-up example:– Although it is possible that I have exchanged one

shadow for another, I will argue that my decision to join a sorority brought me a ways out of the cave and into the light because interacting with my sisters has enabled me to see myself as the social being I truly am.

• Main assertion: a controversial idea• Argument (social being) vs. objection (no, just another

shadow)

Objections and Replies• Missing in over 90% of the papers. • Inadequate wherever they were present.

• Remember: The assignment is to write a classical argument. Include opposition.

• Objections and replies did not have to be perfect, but they did have to be present.

• Remember the first three questions in the course description on the syllabus: – What do I believe?– Why do I believe it?– What if I am wrong?

• If you are just trotting out your old assumptions, you are not doing the work of the course, which is to inquire—via argumentation—into rationally justifiable reasons for believing that your position/thesis is true.

Other Matters

• Take a paragraph after the introduction to discuss Plato: explain what cave dwelling MEANS.

• This is a matter of audience: Make sure that your audience understands “cave dweller” in the way you do.

• In your conclusion, ask yourself, “What have I learned about myself from writing this paper.” Take a step back and REFLECT.

“Forbidden”

• http://faculty.winthrop.edu/fikem/Courses/CRTW%20201/CRTW%20201%20Forbidden.htm

Works Cited List

• Next Time: “MLA Format Slide Show”

Revision (Summer Only)

• Your next paper is due a week from today.• I advise you not to revise yet.• Whenever you DO want to revise, you must have a

conference with me:– Bring your original graded draft with my comment sheet AND a

photocopy of these documents.– Have things to say, questions to ask, solutions to propose, etc.

Be able to engage me in a dialogue about how to revise your paper.

• A revision must be substantively better than the original draft—not just superficially corrected but significantly rethought, recast, augmented, improved, etc.